NaNo Quackers - Wrimos with Mental Health Challenges

Hello! It's me LunarClockwork from last year, I changed my username to the one I use everywhere else ^_^

Anyway....I'm back for another NaNo, maybe this year I'll win (maaaaaaaaaybe ^_^)

For those who don't know me already, I'm paranoid schizophrenic and suffer from depression...and that's pretty much the only interesting thing about me, other facts are that I'm 24 and live in Wales.....pretty much all I've ever wanted to do is write as a career...but not quite there yet ^_^

This NaNo is already on track for an epic fail though, it's already October something or other, and I don't even have an idea for a story yet ^_^

Want one of mine? I have a few and don't know which one I want to do. :P
I've got high functioning BPD which would be in remission if it weren't for those darn hormones. Still not as bad as it was though. Oh and I mean high functioning as in the angry kind. I will gladly admit that I was a very unpleasant person to be around. But I'm doing a lot better!

Good to see folks finding the new thread! Hi Aneith! Hi LC - henceforth known as WK! :)

Just to do a quick intro for the year, "I" am multiple, as in MPD/DID, would also say high functioning (did not used to be the case), and live with major depression, autoimmune disease (similar to lupus), and fibromyalgia. There are probably other labels, but that's enough for now. LOL I live in the body of a female, 43 year-old, who is going into NaNo this year officially as an empty nester - the last of the two kids have left home. Yay!

I have absolutely no idea what I want to write about yet, but I think it will be something different. I don't know what yet.

And WK - no talk of failure - the Quackers are going from strength to strength this year! Maybe we can help each other figure out what to write!

Maybe that's a good question to start with. How do we get these crazy writing ideas? ;)

Welcome back!
Jane, et al.

Hello fellow quackers!

*waves to everyone*

I'm Jason.

Jason G.
"style, like sheer silk, too often hides eczema."
A. Camus - The Fall

I'm so happy and relieved to have found this group.

My name is Tracey. All my adolescent and adult life I have suffered from mild to moderate but chronic depression (but refuse to take meds). Almost two years ago (when I was 38), this was worsened when my life was changed by a serious, mysterious illness (I still have no official diagnosis after dozens of medical tests and appointments). It, and my recovery from it (still in progress), changed my perspective on life. I came to realize many things. One of the most important was that I did not want to die (it is clear now my condition is not life threatening but it wasn't at the beginning) with so many of my dreams not even tried. So, after going back to work after my initial 10 weeks off, and slowly realizing over the course of many months that the job, which I hated (and was one of the contributing factors to my depression), was slowing my recovery and amplifying my medical problems, I quit in June. I am taking at least a year off to try to launch a writing career, even though I have never written anything longer than 2000 words (except academic writing for my B. Ed. and M. Ed. degrees). My hope is that I will be successful enough at it to never go back to normal work (and all that came with it) again and that will help me better deal with the depression and illness.

As you can see, it is really important to me to succeed at this, if only for the morale boost.

Hope you all are having a 'good day' (if you are like me, you have good ones and bad ones).

I get knocked down, but I get up again. You're never gonna keep me down. - Chumbawamba

Hey all! Remember me from last year? No? That's okay! lol

I remembered Nano in August...and then forgot about it again until just now! AGH! Time to brainstorm!

I'm 23 weeks pregnant! I have nothing but baby on the brain. I feel I am doomed.

Anyway, re-cap of why I'm here: bipolar, PTSD, GAD, borderline..I don't remember all my diagnosis anymore. Since getting pregnant though my depression problems have been a lot better! I also haven't self injured in almost exactly a year now! It scares me. A lot. Nano might fix that though. I have no idea how I am going to make it through November without being able to smoke(had my last cigarette May 21st) and load up on caffeine! Plus I hit my 3rd trimester November 5th...so its going to be crazy for me that month with appointments all the time, birthing classes, baby shower, holidays, birthdays, etc.

I have no ideas yet either. Well, I kind of have an idea. But like I said my brain is stuck on babies. Please all forgive me if I mention my baby way too often or complain about my symptoms. I promise I will try not to be too cranky!

I'm excited right now though! Not sure if its from Nano, the brownie I just ate, or the fact that its almost 5am and I haven't slept?(yay insomnia!)

Seriously though everyone, my life is amazing right now. I am saying this because I attempted suicide in January and almost died. The man who raped me in 2008 contacted me and threatened to come kill/rape me again the next day. I freaked. My boyfriend found me and saved my life. Now, my daughter is due to be born in January. Last January I had nothing to live for, and this coming January I will receive such a beautiful gift of life into the world. It just has me floored right now and in awe cause my life changed so dramatically in a few short months. So, if I am annoyingly happy sometimes I am sorry. I just feel like I have been given a second chance at life. A chance to do something with my life besides waste away. I hope I don't screw it up!

Anyway, that's enough rambling for now! I am off to brainstorm some ideas. I hope you have all been doing well!!!

If there's a book you really want to read, but it hasn't been written yet, then you must write it. ~Toni Morrison

Congratulations! I have a one month old son myself. I understand what you mean about only having baby on the brain. Feel free to talk, complain, and be happy all you want. If you want any advice, feel free to ask.

Congratulations, restlesslilly! :)

Tracey, that was my situation last year. I was extremely busy with school and not doing very well at it, so I needed NaNo as a crucial boost to my self esteem. Sadly, I only ended up writing 12K. Things were very difficult then, but that's just how life is, every day's not gonna be a happy day, every year's not gonna be a happy year. I hope things go much better for you!

Anyway, I wish everyone the best of luck with planning, and by all means, let's be friends! Together, we can do this!

Thanks burningviolas! I hope this is a happier year for everyone on the forum.

I get knocked down, but I get up again. You're never gonna keep me down. - Chumbawamba

I feel so relieved to have found you guys :)

My name's Sara, and I'm plagued by depression, PTSD and an eating disorder.

ML for Malta 2009
---
2007: Ice on Dead Leaves (WON)
2008: Also Human (Completed story, didn't make it to 50k)

A big hi and quacking warm welcome to Jason, BurningViolas, Tracey, Broken_Dawn, and of course RestlessLily. *HUGGS*

RestlessLily - please, talk all you want about the baby and anything else you want to - what a challenging year you have had. We are SO glad you are still here. There is no such thing as annoyingly happy. We all have good and bad days, and sharing the good days really helps, especially those who are on the bad days. *big huggs* Looking forward to baby updates as we go along :).

Personal safety is everything, so if *anyone* feels overwhelmed, please don't suffer alone. Contact your family doctor, your local emergency room, Befrienders International (for email counselling), or your local crisis line.

Tracey, I have been where you are with the undiagnosed illness - it took 12 years to get a diagnosis, and life was very hard before then... nobody seemed to believe me, even despite all the bloodwork evidence and symptoms. At the end of it all, I see what is most important is believing yourself and IN yourself. Choosing to pursue your writing dream is HUGE. You'll find we're all here to cheer you on. I tried NaNo twice before last year. Last year I won, and it was with the help of the Quackers that I did it. You're right that we have good and bad days - just in the last week I feel I have cycled through the gamut of depression.

BurningViolas - this is your year - I can tell. We're gonna have a lot of successful NaNoers this year! :)

Sara - welcome again - so glad you are here. You've got two completed NaNos under your belt - you can show us all how it's done!

Well, I still haven't got an idea yet. I'm sure hoping one will turn up soon! I'm wondering if I need to be a NaNo Rebel this year... maybe I'll do a set of short stories... I am thinking of rewriting a novella I once wrote - but without looking at it... just taking the idea and rewriting from scratch... Hmmm.

Hope everyone takes good care, and stays safe and well. *huggles*
Jane et al.

@Burning - I just wanted to say a special hi to you - as I was a former Bucks County resident and am a musician.
Feel free to say hello and/or nanomail anytime.

Jason G.
"style, like sheer silk, too often hides eczema."
A. Camus - The Fall

Hi Everyone... Glad to find this group here. What a relief... lol. I have a few mental health issues that I am trying to deal with/sort out, but the most persistent would be anxiety/depression. This will be my 8th year doing Nano (I think), but I have only completed the word count three times :( Each year I think it will be easier, but it never ever is!!!! Whatever the outcome, I always have loads of fun though. Good Luck to everyone!

Hello everybody!

I am Katheryn, 43 years old, never married, no kids. I have depression and high-functioning BPD which has been in remission for about three years, thank God. This is my first year at NaNo. I have written fiction before, and during a three-year period in the 1990s wrote about 80% of a first draft of a biographical novel about João Goulart (President of Brazil in the early 1960s). For me to finish it, I would need to return to Brazil to do archival research — and where would I get that kind of money, I wonder? Winning the lottery? Publishing another novel that is easier to research, write and complete? My Brazilian novel is dear to me, but since NaNo is about starting a novel from scratch, I have found another biographical novel to write this November.

When I was ill with both physical and mental health challenges over the past five years, I had a terrible writer's block, which distressed me even more. Over the past few months, I have felt a lot freer to write and express myself. The story I've chosen to write, or which has chosen me — a fictionalization of the marriage of Charles Boyer and Pat Paterson — does have two suicides in it (one is of the protagonists' son, who kills himself after being rejected by a young woman to whom he had proposed marriage: the other is of Boyer himself, who kills himself two days after the death by cancer of Paterson his wife). I just hope that writing about such things will not make me decompensate: I doubt it very much, but one never knows for sure. The fact that I have chosen to write a biographical novel, to make all the characters historical figures, to rely as much as possible on known facts but speculate as to thoughts and motives, will, I think, keep my negative ruminations in check.

Where did I get the idea for my NaNo? When I was an undergrad and taking a French class, my professor showed a documentary on the Louvre (c. 1965?) hosted by Charles Boyer. I was so intrigued that I did some research (in English) about him and wrote (in French) an essay about his life for the class. The professor was impressed and told me that if I liked Boyer and his films, I would like "The Umbrellas of Cherbourg" as well. (I saw that several years later: I enjoyed that movie very much.) That was over 20 years ago. When I decided to enroll in NaNo this summer, the story of the Boyer-Paterson marriage seemed to be a natural to fictionalize: I already knew a bit about it (but not too many people did) and could research more about it. (Two biographies of Boyer have been written: one in English, the other in French: I have read them both.) I had thought of making it my 2010 NaNo, but it wanted to be written *now*.

*waves*

Hi Guys. Hannah, 24, London UK. I have a long and convoluted story that basically boils down to depressive symptoms + lack of help/respect from healthcare professionals = eating disorder, major depression, self harm and suicide attempt. I'm on medication, I have good days and bad days, so it goes...

I've never even considered NaNo before. I enjoy writing, but mainly non-fiction - blogging and gig reviews. But the prospect is exciting me more and more as the days go on!

"There used to be a greying tower alone on the sea,
You became the light in the darkness for me"

Thank you all very much for the congrats! :) I am so excited about Nano this year. I feel better about it this year, so I am really hoping to do better.

@gentillylace-I love your biography ideas and I hope you are able to get back to Brazil to finish your book! Your post just jumped out at me I guess because I love history and learning about that kind of stuff. so I would definitely be interested in any of your work I am sure.

Hello to everyone else who has posted as well. I am looking forward to getting to know you all a bit and going through this adventure together!

I hope everyone is well today! I am up early so thinking of getting to work on making an outline. Once I organize my thoughts a bit better I will post about my story idea.

Oh and has anyone seen Zombieland? I saw it last night and it was awesome!

If there's a book you really want to read, but it hasn't been written yet, then you must write it. ~Toni Morrison

Hello my Ducks!

How the quack are you?

I've missed you so!

mm

"Not a Rose but a Thistle" -- 2005 (Win)
"Welcome To Lamentation!" -- 2006 (Win)
"A Saint Nobody's Heard Of " -- 2007 (Win)
"Nympho-izing Love Goo!" (working title) -- 2008 (Win)
"Like Getting Honey From a Stone" -- 2009

Hannah: Your story sounds scarily like mine!

Now I feel not-so-alone.

ML for Malta 2009
---
2007: Ice on Dead Leaves (WON)
2008: Also Human (Completed story, didn't make it to 50k)

Welcome to all the new people... i think a lot of us can relate to problems exacerbated by an uncaring health profession... and how!

Tough sort of day today... was up half the night, vaguely wondering about what I would write. The folks doing biographical ruminations have got me wondering. I once did a couple of vignettes on Vincent Van Gogh. I could really get inside his head. I wonder if I could make a novel out of it? It would get tough going at times, but maybe that would give me a structure to go on. I don't know. My wife is having a hard day and that's making it hard on me/us too... God, I wish I could conjure up a magic wand to ease the suffering.

In some ways, really looking forward to having the distraction/structure of NaNo this year...

MM - so good to see you, quackalicious lady! :)

I'm glad :) Feeling less alone is always good.

"There used to be a greying tower alone on the sea,
You became the light in the darkness for me"

Here I am, getting rained on pretty steadily. As my mother would say, this is good weather... if you're a duck.

Thank goodness that I am a Quacker.

I'm outlining and have started to notice that if I allow it to come out, a whisper or two of my personal struggles shows up in my characters and makes them more interesting than I thought they could be.

Hm. I may follow that thread. A delicate balance between art and self disclosure.

"Not a Rose but a Thistle" -- 2005 (Win)
"Welcome To Lamentation!" -- 2006 (Win)
"A Saint Nobody's Heard Of " -- 2007 (Win)
"Nympho-izing Love Goo!" (working title) -- 2008 (Win)
"Like Getting Honey From a Stone" -- 2009

Sara and Hannah, I also have an eating disorder (I’ve have a history of them since I was 14). As you can probably imagine, years of atypical anti-psychotics and lithium cause all sorts of weight issues. Finally I just had to say, I’m done with this. So yeah, it’s got a stigma and can be physical and psychological hell, but that’s insignificant compared to how good I feel now. I can handle it.

Thank you, creativespirits! ^_^ And we’re all here for one another!

Katheryn, I hope you get to Brazil! I was born in South America and I’d love to go back someday.

Hi Jason! Where in Bucks County did you live? I’m in Yardley. What do you play?

Hiyas to previous and new quackers! Tis Mystic Dragon from last year! Niceta meetcha (or, see you again if you're from last year).

Me? Lesse...I have Asperger's Syndrome, as well as General Anxiety Disorder (though, I believe the stimuli and social issues involved with AS leads to the panic attacks most of the time), and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

Let's do our best to hit our Nano-ing goals for 09!

*cheers*

2009 - "Unlocking Murder"
2008 - Winner - "Will of Fire"
2007 - Winner - "Butterfly"
2006 - Winner - "Amber"

Wearable DRAGONS and PLOT BUNNIES at the MYSTIC DEN!

Hello,

I forget that not everyone here has known me forever.

I am BP-2, PTSD, have anxiety disorder and am a survivor of many things.

But besides for that, I am also a right handed person, a slow typist, have curly hair that is prone to tangling, fairly bad eyesight, a fertile imagination and weakness for baritones who feed me chocolate.

The great thing I love about this thread is not what weighs us down, but what buoys us up. That is our encouragement of eachother, our understanding, sense of humor and the disinterest in giving in.

Salute my quackers, salute.

-mm

"Not a Rose but a Thistle" -- 2005 (Win)
"Welcome To Lamentation!" -- 2006 (Win)
"A Saint Nobody's Heard Of " -- 2007 (Win)
"Nympho-izing Love Goo!" (working title) -- 2008 (Win)
"Like Getting Honey From a Stone" -- 2009

Firstly, CONGRATS RESTLESSLILY (on the baby I mean ^_^) If I didn't have a stupid man-body I'd have a baby....but I'm wierd like that ^_^

Anyway....still no ideas on my end....well kinda....I do have one....but I'm not sure if it's actually any good.....

Why is it whenever I get together with NaNo things go wrong? ^_^

Wild Knight- Thanks! :D Good luck on figuring out an idea for your novel. Feel free to run the idea past us, we are here to support each other! plus, I'm super interested in what everyone else is planning to write about.

MM-Every time I see you post I get the sudden urge to quack, hehe. I think that's a good thing? Hope all has been well with you :)

Hello to everyone else I have not said anything to yet!

I really want to post about my idea for my novel but my thoughts are all confusing right now. All I can think about is a nightmare I had a few months ago that I plan to incorporate into my story somehow. I dreamt that I was standing around talking to my mom when suddenly my baby began kicking and clawing its way through my abdomen. It got out and into my hand(it was tiny at the time, I was 13 weeks when I had the dream) It freaked me out...a few weeks later I felt my first kicks right where the dream baby had clawed through. Took me awhile to not be afraid, haha. She still scares me now when she kicks sometimes cause she is so strong now. Everyone assures me she won't/can't climb out of my belly though. But yeah, that idea is going into my story and I guess that's all I will say for now. :)

Seems I'm either wide awake and unable to sleep for days, or I'm exhausted 24/7. Today is the latter. I slept from 3am-6am then 10am-4pm and now it's 8:22pm and I am sooo tired! I think I shall go take a nap for an hour or two and then get up and work on gathering my thoughts together and maybe even start on an outline!

If there's a book you really want to read, but it hasn't been written yet, then you must write it. ~Toni Morrison

@Burning - Yarley also, then Doylestown. I was an organ and piano performance major.

Jason G.
"style, like sheer silk, too often hides eczema."
A. Camus - The Fall

*waves* Hi, everyone. Glad to have found this thread. Glad everyone seems so _friendly_ on it.

I just got diagnosed this summer with BP-2 and severe ADD. I'm on meds for the bipolar, and I will be for the ADD before November starts. I'm pretty thrilled, first just to even have a diagnoses instead of blaming myself for the recurrent waves of severe depression, and then, y'know, to be able to control them. I'm actually relatively happy right now, putting aside the rock-bottom meltdown I had over the summer.

I'm...kind of scared to do NaNo like this, though, actually. Last year was pretty bad for me in a lot of ways, but the massive energetic upswing of November was the one actual bright spot in it (for which I am so grateful to it). Now that I'm way more regulated, and especially if I go on the ADD meds, I don't even know how I'll manage to juggle the eight million things I need to do and get NaNo done.

Anyone else done something similar?

Amen to that, MM! *big huggles* for you. Like I think it was RL said - you are a huge part of that - I too want to quack with glee when you are around!

When I started this last year it was to circumvent that "feeling alone in a crowd" feeling. I'd been in NaNo before but I didn't feel "a part" of it. All those discussions and I felt afraid to jump in. I still battle with that alone in a crowd feeling, but what do you expect from a dissociative? LOL Sometimes I feel like I don't belong (even here), but then I read what so many of you brave folks share and I know we all have a lot of common strengths and experiences. When I hear/feel folks here making a connection it feels really good to be a part of something like this. I hadn't thought I would NaNo this year, but how can I NOT NaNo with all you great people around? :)

Like RL said, I'm exhausted round the clock - that's my physical stuff as well (Sjogren's syndrome/fibromyalgia). And then I lie awake and try to figure out what I'll write. I've started reading Stephen King's "On Writing" again. Must be the sixth time. He just gets me so fired up that I'm sure by the time I'll get to the end, something will pop into my head.

Love to all - Jane