Hey, guys. Okay, so this is really a very minor point in the story but it's good for humor spots if I run out of ideas for plot-progressing narration. Basically, my MC Gertrude rents a room in a huge, old fashioned house owned by a dude who may or may not be a vampire. In my head, he is, but it'll be left ambiguous to the reader. All of the townsfolk are really suspicious of him, and of course there are a bunch of vampire-related rumors floating about.
Gertrude doesn't know the truth nor does she much care, but in exchange for refuting any rumors that she comes across in conversation about town her landlord will give her free room and board. It's desperation and extreme paranoia on his part and blackmail on hers. Gertrude goes about doing this in the most embarassing ways possible.
-Telling people that he covers his mouth when he speaks to hide bad halitosis, not fangs.
-He hides his eyes with that wide-brimmed hat not to cover red vampire eyes, but to hide red-rimmed, bloodshot hangover eyes. The man's an alcoholic, obviously.
-He wears all those layers of clothing to cover up the psoriasis.
...And that's pretty much all I have so far. So, Fantasy Forum, I come to you for help. How can the cliches of vampire lore be twisted into embarassing personal problems and vices? Thank you in advance.
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35,217 / 50,000
Nov 7, 2009 - 21 17
Oooh, this looks fun! Just curious, what time period does this take place in?
Now... let me think...
Avoidance of Garlic- Gives him horrible, nauseating gas.
Avoidance of Mirrors - Ever since he was little when little Mary Sue dropped her little hand mirror on his head, and he blew it way out of proportion and caused her to cry, he hasn't been able to look at one without crying himself, bless his heart.
That is all I got right now. Oh well!
----------Even in literature and art, no man who bothers about originality will ever be original: whereas if you simply try to tell the truth (without caring twopence how often it has been told before) you will, nine times out of ten, become original.
27,407 / 50,000
Nov 7, 2009 - 21 20
- He avoids the sunlight because of his aforementioned hangover.
- He sleeps in a box full of dirt because of a bad back.
- He avoids garlic due to a childhood trauma involving bagna cauda. He doesn't want to talk about it.
- He avoids running water due to another childhood trauma involving river rapids.
- He avoids churches, crosses, and other religious paraphenalia because he's an atheist. Also, as a child, a nasty aunt locked him in a church overnight. He had a crappy childhood.
- The mists that sometimes creep along the ground at night are swamp gas. Possibly reflecting the light from Venus.
- The wolf that prowls his property is a guard dog he releases at night, to keep away those meddling kids.
- The uncommonly large bat seen flying around town are an endangered species native to caves nearby. The World Wildlife Fund will be VERY cross if you harm it.
- He leaves his fingernails long because of a tragic nail-clipper accident. As an adult this time, but it REALLY scared him.
6,647 / 50,000
Nov 7, 2009 - 21 23
RoseClown: Ahahahahahaha, the mirror idea is beyond perfect. And the garlic. Thank you! Eh, the world is based loosely on the early twentieth century, around 1900-1910 with elements from the mid to late eighteen hundreds. Very historically accurate, this novel is. :P
LuhSuh: Whoa, that's a lot. Thank you so much! I especially like the excuses for the bat and wolf forms, and the fact that most of the stereotypical vampiric traits can be waved away by saying he's a drunkard. x)