Auto da fé
an excerpt

Later that day, between Home Alone II and green asparagus, we took a walk outside, with Josie bundled up in one of Imogen or Sophie’s old winter coats. Josie didn’t understand the snow and began crying when her hands froze from the cold – she had pulled off her gloves almost immediately and I couldn’t convince her to keep them on – so we sat down in one of the faux temples in the garden; one that looked a little like a Buddhist chapel, with benches lined up in front of a faux-golden statue, smiling happily at us from the front altar.
,, I never understood why they needed such a big house anyway”, Erin said, stomping around to get the snow from her shoes. ,, I mean, I get they want status, but why not buy a charming cottage and a second house in France, or something?”
,, I don’t think they have time to go there”, I said, rubbing Josie’s hands between mine to reheat them.
,, They don’t have the time to come here, either.” She sat down next to me and took Josie from me.
,, Do you have any kids?”, I asked her. She gave a vague smile, but admitted:
,, My period is a week late.”
,, Do you think you’re…”
She smiled again and bounced Josie on her knee.
,, I’ve been late like this before”, she said. ,, But…It might be.”
,, Shouldn’t you do a test, or something?”
,, I bought one”, she said. Josie giggled. ,, I left it at home. I was going to take it when I got back.”
When I first thought I was pregnant, I didn’t want to wait one second. My period was only four days late when I couldn’t restrain myself anymore, rushed to the drugstore and bought a test, rushed home, and checked. While I waited for the test to finish, I ran circles through the home – from the living room to the kitchen into the hallway, through the rec room back into the living room – to keep my nerves steady. And every time I checked the icon, I was disappointed, but also relieved. A reprieve. It would happen – just not now. A little bit more time to prepare, to decide.
And then the icon turned positive.
,, It’s amazing you can restrain yourself from doing that test”, I told her, but she shrugged.
,, I’m not sure I want to find out yet.”
I paused, and visions of Helen appeared, her face nothing but a red, open mouth with spittle flying all around it. I asked: ,, are you going to…”
,, I’ll keep it”, she said firmly. ,, It’s not…unwanted. I just need a little bit more time to get used to the possibility.”