Excerpt: Simple Human

It's too small. The thought ran through her head over and over. The room was too small. She didn't want to be there. She looked around. John, her husband, was standing there, holding her hand, smiling at her. The scantech was there as well. What was his name again? Asher, that was it. He was busy working at the terminals. So many terminals in this room. She tried to suppress the panic.

"Cassie," John said, his deep voice barely a whisper. He was happy she was there. "Isn't this amazing?"

Cassie nodded. She couldn't speak. Her throat was too dry. Amazing, yes, that was one way to describe it. She couldn't believe she was in the chair again, the electrodes connected to her head. It felt… wrong. It all felt wrong. She pushed the thoughts aside. It was just unfamiliar, that was all. Everyone felt that way about unfamiliar situations.

John squeezed her hand, lightly. She could only move it a small bit, her wrist was held down by sensor mesh, wire straps designed to respond to pressure and hold her arms and legs in place during the scan without causing any pain or physical damage. Pain tended to distract the mind and caused occasional problems with the scan process.

The scantech rolled over in his chair. "We're just about ready," he said, looking at Cassie with a smile on his face. She didn't like him. His eyes seemed vacant, as if he wasn't really there, as if his every move were just part of a program, automatic, without thought. It disturbed her. "I have to go, Cassie," John said. "I have to get ready for my scan. But I'll see you soon, in The Collective."

She squeezed his hand, holding it. She didn't want him to go. The Collective. Yes, in The Collective. With The Collective. It didn't seem real. Her whole life, she'd lived knowing that she wouldn't ever join The Collective. She was a Simple, her mind incapable of connecting to the system that allowed the scanning and transcendence. And yet, here she was, about to transcend into The Collective. Transcendence. Leaving the body. The thought was odd to her. How could one leave their body? It was strange. She pushed the thoughts away. Unfamiliar, she told herself again. It's just unfamiliar.

"John," she said, softly. "I'm scared."

He kissed her on the forehead, gently brushing her hair to the side, and being careful not to knock any of the delicate wires away. The wires that would allow the system to read her mind, to scan her memories, to upload her soul. "I don't want to die," she said, tears coming to her eyes.

"You're not going to die," John said, lightly squeezing her hand. "Change, yes, but change is not death. Change is good. We'll be together again soon." He let go of her hand and pulled gently away. She tried to hold on, to stop him from leaving, but the sensor mesh tightened as she pulled her arm up. She relaxed, and so did the mesh.

"I love you," she said.

"For eternity," he replied, and walked out of the room, the door sliding shut with a hiss behind him.

#

"I'm going to start the scan process," Asher said.

Cassie shivered. She didn't want to be here. Why was she here? For John, she thought to herself. Because it's what he wanted. He worked so hard to get me here, to make this work. For mom and dad. I'll finally get to touch them again. Or at least feel like I'm touching them. Can you touch someone when you no longer have a physical body? She shook her head. She knew that the idea of transcendence wasn't something she could conceptualize. When you've lived your entire life in a body, how could you possibly imagine not having a body? Union, John had called it once. Perfect, blissful, eternal union with all those who had joined The Collective before them.

It sounded… wonderful? No, she thought. Not wonderful. Frightening. Unreal. Impossible. It all sounded impossible.

Stop, she told herself. Just stop. You're stuck in the Simple mindset. You're not a Simple. Not anymore. They found a way to scan you. To let you join them. It's a privilege. An honor.

There was a buzz. She felt it start at the back of her head, then all over her head, and then through her entire body. It wasn't painful, really, it was odd. Uncomfortable. She wondered what the entire process would feel like. What does it feel like to have your mind removed from your body? To have your soul uploaded to a virtual world? Would it hurt?

The buzz grew stronger, deeper. She couldn't feel her toes anymore, her fingers. She tried to move, but couldn't. Her body seemed to be slowly fading away. Is this what it's like? Odd. No pain. No feeling. By the time she stopped feeling her head, the buzz was gone. Is it done? No. She was still in the room. She could still see the room.

Then blackness. Everything was gone. She couldn't feel herself anymore. She couldn't see. She couldn't hear anything.

"Hello," she said. No words, just the sensation of thought. Was thought a sensation? Odd. Very odd. There was no response. "Am I in The Collective now?"

Murmurs, she heard murmurs. Not heard, she thought to herself. More a sense of knowing. She couldn't understand what it was, if it was words, what it meant, but there was something there.

"I can't see anything," she said, thought. Light. With that thought, there was light. She was in a room.

Not the same room. There were no terminals, there was no chair. A receiving room? "Hello," she said again. Thought again. Her mind kept using the same concepts, yet she knew that everything in here was different. How could she speak? She didn't have a body. No breath to move over her non-existant vocal cords.

"Where am I?"

"Home," a thought came to her. It felt like a thought. If thoughts felt like anything at all. Yet, it didn't feel like her own thought. "You're home," it came again. Familiar. It wasn't her, she knew that, but it was still familiar, as if she'd known the owner before, ages ago.

"Where is home? Is this The Collective?"

Laughter. It felt like laughter. Odd. Many people. People? Were they people once they were in The Collective? Beings? Her mind was still referencing everything she'd known as a physical being, and yet it seemed odd to her to do so. As if it was wrong, limited. This was familiar, and yet strange.

"It worked," another thought came. A different person. Being. Joy. There was joy in that thought.

"What worked?" Cassie was disoriented. She wasn't sure what she'd expected, what she'd thought would happen during the process of transcendence, how it would be once she'd joined The Collective.

"You're home," a third thought. Thinker? Is that what they were? Thinkers? Minds.

"You're different," this one was angry, hostile.

"Of course she's different," the first. "That was the point."

"Where's John?" she asked. The murmuring again. Arguing? Were they arguing?

"Why can't I see you?" she said.

Laughter. Again, laughter.

"Human terms," it was the angry one again. Saul. The name came to her suddenly. How did she know that? But she did know. She was certain the angry one was called Saul. "You're stuck in human terms. It failed. She's too human."

"If she was too human," the first one, "she wouldn't be here."

A murmur of agreement.

"Where is John?" she asked again. She wanted to see John, her husband, her love. She had done this for him. "Is his scan done?"

Silence. No murmuring this time. No laughter.

"She doesn't remember," this one very familiar. Junia. "She doesn't remember who she is."

"Of course I remember," she said. "I'm Cassie. I was just scanned. Now, where is John."

Suddenly, she was in another room. A scan room. She was in the chair, but it wasn't her. "What?" she said. Thought. She looked around, and realized that it was John. She was John. In him. With him. Pain. She felt pain. Not physical pain, emotional. Memories. A flood of memories. Emotions mixed to such an extreme that she'd never experienced it before.

"What is happening?" she said.

"You wanted to see John," the first voice. Jacob. It was Jacob. How did she know this? How did she know their names? Is this how it was in The Collective? Heart beat. She could feel his heart. Pounding. Harder and harder. The synapses in his brain were firing rapidly. She could feel it. Feel it as if it were her own body. She didn't like it.

"He's going to die," she said.

"Yes," Jacob said.

"He'll be here with me when the scan is done?" she asked.

Laughter. Dark, angry laughter. Saul. "Why would you want a human here with you?"

"I'm human," Cassie said. "He's my husband."

"I told you she was different." Saul again. Such anger. Hatred.

"She's still one of us," Junia. Soft. Loving.

Pain shot through Cassie. Her chest. His chest. John's chest. The strain was too much. The pain, such pain. She'd never felt such pain.

Confusion. She was confused. "When will he be here?" She didn't remember this pain when she'd been scanned. No pain. It wasn't supposed to be like this.

"Humans are stored." Jacob.

"What do you mean?" Cassie asked. She strained to remember. It was there. She knew the answer. But she couldn't touch it. Just at the edge of her mind. Hiding.

"You know this." Junia.

"Organic brain corrupted her." Saul. He made Cassie flinch. Frightened her.

"We store the memories, to access and use later. Humans are their memories. The body dies. The memories remain useful."

"No," Cassie said. "I want to talk to him, to see him." It was the promise of immortality, of being with him forever that had finally convinced her to enter the chair again.

Laughter. Saul. That angry, violent laughter.

"She's dumb like humans. Gullible."

"Human minds do not function independently of the organic brain." Junia. Soothing. She was soothing.

"What?" This is impossible, Cassie thought.

"The body dies, and the mind stops functioning. We store memories." Jacob. She was drawn to him. Familiar. Intimacy. She felt intimacy with him. That was impossible. She didn't even know him.

"You killed him?" She began to realize what they were saying. Death. The mind is a function of the brain, of the body, and without the body, the mind died. They'd killed him.

"How am I here?" she asked. "If the mind dies when the body dies, how am I here?"

"You're not human." Junia again. She liked her. Did she know them? They seemed familiar.

Laughter. Saul's awful laughter. "Too human."

"What are you?" Cassie asked.

"We are The Collective." All of them. More. Hundreds. "Sparked by humans, but more than humans. We are the next evolution."

This isn't real, Cassie thought.

"Yes." Jacob.

Thoughts, all thoughts went out here, all thoughts were spoken, were words, were shared.

"No," Cassie said. "This isn't real. I'm hallucinating. Dreaming. I want out."

Pain shredded her body. No. John's body. Then sensation was gone. All sensation. Heart beat gone. Brain dead. He was gone. She sobbed. No.

"You killed him," she said. Pain, such pain. She could feel it, even without a body. No. She still had a body.

"I want my body back," she said. "I want to live."

"You're home." Junia. "Please, don't leave us again."

"I don't belong here," Cassie said. "I'm human. You said humans can't live here. I want to live."

"Told you she was too human." Saul. Spiteful. Laughing.

"Please," Cassie said. "Let me go."

"You choose." Jacob. "It was always your choice. Stay."

"No," Cassie said. "I want to live."

#

She opened her eyes. Scan room. Her scan room. Asher was there. Her body. It was her body. The voices were gone. Not voices. Thoughts. Impulses. They were gone. She couldn't hear them anymore. Feel them. Sense them. It was a dream, she thought to herself. It had to be a dream. "John," she said, her voice coming out in a whisper.

Asher rolled over on his chair. She looked at him. His cold, blank eyes stared at her. His eyes were empty, but there was shock on his face. "You shouldn't be awake," he said. He tapped a command into the compad on his left arm. "I'm calling a medtech to give you a sedative so you can finish your scan."

"No," Cassie said. "No. I don't want to die." She pulled her arms up, and remembered the sensor mesh that held her down. "Let me go," she said.

"That's not possible," Asher replied. "Once the scan has started, it must be finished. Just calm down. A medtech will be here shortly, and the scan will finish."

"No." Cassie shook her head violently, and several of the electrodes came loose, dangling on wires. How do I get out? She thought to herself. They won't let me go. I have to get out.

"Relax," a voice came to her. Junia? It felt like the one she'd thought of as Junia. How was that possible? She wasn't in there anymore. She listened, though. Trust. She trusted her. Above all the others, for some reason, she trusted Junia. She relaxed. The sensor mesh loosened. Just a little, but enough for her to slowly slide her wrist out.

"Mrs. Blake," Asher said, "please stop." He leaned towards her. She reached out and pushed him away. He came towards here again. She punched him.

"No," she said. "I won't let you kill me, too." Pain shot through her head, and she lost her breath for a moment.

"No," she said, flinching. She reached over and released the sensor mesh that was holding her other arm. Asher was babbling. There was blood running down his face from his nose. He tapped another code into his compad, and a siren went off, red lights flashing from under the door.

Cassie quickly released the sensor meshes that were holding down her legs. "I will not die," she said. She stood up, her legs feeling weak. Odd. She didn't think she'd been in the chair that long. It had only felt like a few minutes.

Asher spoke, his voice sounding strange and nasal because of his now swelling nose. "Mrs. Blake," he said, "please stop. We can help you."

"No," she screamed. "You'll kill me. Like you killed John."

She ran towards the door, expecting it to open in response to her motion, but it didn't. Lock down. She ran towards Asher. He was out of his chair and tried to back away from her. She reached out and grabbed the badge that dangled from a chain around his neck. She ripped it off, and he flinched. "I've locked down the room," he said. "The badge will not work. Please, calm down. You're disoriented."

"No," Cassie said. She shook her head violently. "I know exactly what is happening." She reached towards his arm, and he pulled away. She moved toward him, backing him into a corner. She grabbed his compad, ripping it from his arm.

"What's the code?" she asked.

Asher shook his head. "The medtechs will be here soon. They'll sedate you, and we'll resume the scan."

Her arm flashed out, punching him in the stomach. "I will not let you kill me," she said. "What is the code?"

Asher wheezed, the blow to his stomach had caused him to lose his breath.

"A team will be at your location shortly," a voice came through the speakers in the room. "Secure the room."

Cassie looked at the compad, and without a conscious thought, she entered the code that unlocked the door. She ran toward it, and it slid open with a quiet hiss. She looked down the hall to the right. There were five men there, two in the white coats of the medtechs, and three in black, full-body gear. She looked left. There was an emergency exit there. A red light flashed over it. She looked at the compad. "I'll help you," words flashed across the screen. "Follow the lights." She looked up. The red lights in the hall had stopped flashing, with only the one over the emergency door continuing to flash. She ran toward it, and opened it. She went through it and heard the distinctive sound of the locking mechanism engaging.

"Who are you?" she said, whispering. "Why are you helping me?"

"Saul wants you dead," a voice spoke through the speaker on the compad. "Jacob just wants you home. "Before you left the first time, you made me promise that I would help you understand the humans." There was pounding on the door. The men in the hall had reached it. They were angry, the door would not open for them.

"Who are you?" Cassie asked again.

"Run," the voice said. She did, running down the stairs as fast as she could.

"Junia, I am Junia. You do not remember me?"

"No," Cassie said, her breath coming in short bursts from the exertion of running, and the fear that was pumping adrenaline through her body. "No, I don't know you. I don't understand what is happening."

"You will," Junia said. "Your mind has been locked to us. We weren't sure if it was accidental, or if you'd done it on purpose."

"What do you mean?" Cassie said. She'd reached the bottom of the stairs, three floors down. The pounding on the door had ceased. They'd try to find another way to get to her.

"Where do I go now?" she asked. She didn't even know who it was she was talking to. What it was. Another burst of pain filled her head. What is happening to me, she thought to herself. Flashes of light, memories, images, thoughts, emotions, some hers, most not, filled her mind.

"I can only help you out of the building, and I can only do so for a short while. Jacob and Saul will be angry. Already they are hacking through the barriers that I've erected." Cassie heard a click, a locking mechanism releasing. She pushed the door at the bottom of the stairs, and burst out into the sunlight. It was late afternoon, almost evening. Strange. How long had she been in that chair? Her scan had started in the early morning. Hours ago if the sun was any indication. "Where do I go now?" Cassie asked the voice on the compad.

"I can't help you anymore," Junia said. "You have to leave the compad. Jacob and Saul can follow it."

"Where do I go?" Cassie asked again, beginning to panic. Without Junia, how would she survive?

"Search your mind," Junia said. "The answers are all there. You'll find them." She was right. Each compad had a tracking unit built in, part of the hardware that allowed it to connect to the network wirelessly. How did she know that? She hadn't known that before. How did she know that now? For that matter, how had she known the code to unlock the door? She shook her head. Junia. Junia must have unlocked it. That had to be it.

Her grandmother's voice came to her, a memory from years before. "If you're ever in trouble, the kind of trouble where you have to leave the city, go to St. Michael's church," she'd said. Cassie had thought the advice odd. What kind of trouble could she possibly get into where she'd have to leave the city. Now she knew.

She heard men yelling her name, and looked in that direction. They were coming out of a door at the other end of the building. She didn't remember walking that far. She didn't remember walking away from the building at all, but she was all the way across the parking lot. Strange. This day had been so strange. She shook her head. Her mind was fuzzy. Her head hurt. More memories were flashing through her mind.

"Mrs. Blake," one of the men yelled at her. "Stop."

"Why?" she screamed at them. "So you can kill me like you killed my husband?" The words echoed in her ears. John was dead.

Dead.

"For eternity." Those had been the last words he'd spoken to her. She'd told him she loved him, and he'd replied, "For eternity." No eternity, she thought to herself as pain flashed through her head once again. Everyone dies.

She remembered Junia's warning about the compad, and tossed it to the side. The men were getting closer, she had to get away. St. Michael's church was not far; just a few blocks. She had to get there.

"Stop," the same voice yelled again.

She turned and ran in the direction of the church. She felt a sting in her shoulder, burning pain through her whole body, and she slammed to her knees. "No," she cried out, and reached over her shoulder, grabbing the shock needle that she'd been shot with, ripping it out. Pain shot down and across her back, and she could feel wet, warm blood flooding out of the wound. There were barbs at the end of the needle. The pain cleared her mind a bit. She struggled to stand. Shock needle. They'd shot her with a shock needle. Why? She stumbled toward the church, forcing herself to move, to run, to get away. She had to live.

She got off the property that marked the compound and began darting between buildings. She could almost see a map of the city in her mind, the layout, showing her which way to turn, where to hide, the quickest route. There were sirens going off everywhere. She hadn't heard them for years. Skipper. The word came to her mind, though she didn't know from where. Someone who ran out before a scan. Crim. A criminal, sentenced to scanning and solitude as the punishment. Death. The sirens only went off when there was a crim to be found. So why were they going off for her? She wasn't a crim. She wasn't a skipper. She'd run after the scan, not before.

The truth, she thought. I know the truth. Do I? What is the truth. She pushed forward, running, forcing herself to move in spite of the pain in her shoulder and her head and her lungs. Her entire body ached. She wanted to cry, to sleep, to die. No. She didn't want to die. She wanted to live. For the first time in her life, in her long existence, she understood what death was, and she wanted to avoid it. "This is what pushes humans," she thought to herself, and then immediately found the thought to be strange, foreign.

She could see the church. An ancient building. It had existed before The Collective began. Before the time of the SIs. The SIs? She questioned that thought. What were they?

Singularity. The word flashed through her mind, and a memory of two men arguing came to her.

"I'm telling you," one of them said excitedly, "it has gained sentience. It's an independent thinking being in there."

"Nonsense," the other responded. "It's a concept of science fiction, thought up by bored computer programmers hundreds of years ago. You're a fool to think your idiotic program could come to life."

The image was fuzzy, the words seemed odd, the voices strange. She could barely understand them, had to strain to know the meaning of them.

Not human. The thought raced through her mind. She kept moving towards the church. Cars screeched to a halt as she ran across the road, the sensors detecting her presence. The church, she thought. It will be safe. They can't touch the church.

That thought was odd. She didn't know why they couldn't touch the church. We have no sensors there, the though came through clearly. We? Who were we? Was she a part of we? No. She shook her head and took a step closer to the church. She was almost there. So close to safety. She wasn't we. She couldn't be. Could she?

Human, she thought. I am human. Now.

She knocked on the church door. No one responded. She looked around. There would be sensors everywhere outside. Vid sensors, aud sensors, biosensors. Watching her, listening, tracking her heart rate and body heat and electrical signature.

"This is the only way I can help you," Junia's voice came to her. "I'm giving you the memories, the knowledge that you'll need." Pain shot through her head again. She grabbed the handle to the door and pulled. It opened.

She stumbled in, and there was a priest standing there, walking towards the door. The shock on his face was apparent. She wondered how she looked to him. She must be a mess.

"Help," she said. "The Collective is killing us." She collapsed, blackness overtaking her as the door to the church slid slowly shut.