Excerpt: The Leprechaun Hunter

You can tell you’ve found yourself an exceedingly rich leprechaun if he refuses to scream when you torture him. And this one wasn’t making a sound.

There are other indicators of how much gold one of the little people might be stowing away somewhere, and most are easier to gauge without the tedious and time-consuming process of actually catching one and applying some creative malady. Pay careful attention to the leprechaun’s clothing, for one thing. A more discriminating eye can interpret the body language differentiations of leprechaun class hierarchy, but that takes years of observation.

Clothing is the easiest indicator. Leprechauns are all dandies by nature and will not appear anywhere without their elaborate coats. Green-coated individuals can be immediately dismissed as willful distractions or very stupid and rebellious younglings. Red is the color that leprechauns prefer, owing to their secretly ostentatious natures, and as this color is so common, the quality of tailoring is a good assessment of how much treasure is in the wearer’s hoard.

Leprechauns wearing shoddy gray or brown coats are potential goldmines trying to look like beggars, but are also potential outcasts who would just as soon drown themselves in alcohol as ferret away Danish gold. The question is: Is it a good coat made to look shoddy, or is it a shoddy coat showing a pathetic attempt to look more presentable? A wearer of the latter is a waste of time; a wearer of the former is an ideal target.

No sign is as exciting to observe for a professional leprechaun hunter, however, as the stout refusal to cry out when a hot brand sears the flesh, when a dog tears off a hand, or when a rune is carved into a boot.

Of course nearly infinite means torture exist, but the defilement of a leprechaun’s footwear should not be underestimated. The major consideration is that several rich leprechauns have been driven mad with this technique. It is a last resort, as untold hoards are now lost to the serendipity of sheer chance findings (if even that, given the strong magical components to many such hiding places).