Whizzed
an excerpt

Suddenly she brightened. An impressive sight in a mug of water. “Look, kappas!”

I wasn’t sure why she found frat boys exciting, but I followed her gaze down towards the water. Riding in the foam that was crashing madly about the rocks were a dozen or so little things. They seemed to be excited little monkeys on surfboards. Wee, monkey-sized surfboards. They had the round, wrinkled faces of little chimpanzees, with big, excited lips making screeching noises into the wind. Four short limbs, covered in slick black fur, clung to their surfboards, while they used their long tail, wider than most monkeys’, to balance them and keep their boards upright.

“Move, dear. Let’s get down there.”

“Because you want monkey for dinner?” The closest I’d ever gotten to something like these guys was at the zoo on Sloat, and that hadn’t gone particularly well. I remember a lot of screaming and cage rattling, and the impression that if they could, they would have burst out and ripped me to pieces.

“Kappas are world-travelers. They move from one wild situation to another, riding waves and seeking thrills. One of their favorite games is ‘grab the shark fin’. Luckily, they also reproduce like crazy. They used to spend a few days every summer at my island. They loved to dive the wrecks, and there were all manner of dangers to seek in the area. Not the least of which was ‘pluck the feather off the Aggie’. They drove her to distraction.”

Now I had a reason. I still didn’t have much eagerness to get down there. In addition to the fear of wild monkeys, I didn’t like the look of the slope. Those rocks looked slippery. Usually there is a reason for a wall, and I’m not much of a pusher at the limits. Yeah, pretty sure I didn’t want to move much closer. I decided to try another tack first.

“Yoo hoo! Hey kappas!”

She splashed up at me. “I really don’t think they can hear you. Even if they can, they are not going to stop their fun and come out of the water. Move!”

Holding the mug high above my head with one hand, I used the other to help plop my body up and over the wall. So far, so good. I cautiously made my way further down to the water. As I got closer, the rocks got more and more slick with algae. One hand wasn’t cutting it anymore, so I dropped down and scooted my butt along the rocks, letting my feet cautiously pull me forward.

“Get a move on! Kappas don’t stay in one place for long, they have notoriously short attention spans. We can’t miss them!” Hima was not acting like a being in a fragile porcelain housing.

“Excuse me, missy, I’m the one that still has a body to injure. I’m moving as damn fast as I can.”

She huffed in exasperation. Gurgled, actually.

Eventually I made it down to the second wall, and leaned weak-limbed against the rocks. Mist from the crashing waves enveloped us, and the noise of the surf was so loud, I could barely hear myself. “There. Do your thing.”

“Yes, well. Yoo hoo! Kappas!”

“Oh, now that’s gonna work?”

It was amazing how much attitude a little ball of water could convey. “Hello! It’s me, Hima! Remember me? And Aggie? Your loveable island sirens? Hello?”

It didn’t seem at first that she was getting much of a response. Then one of the little kappa beasties leaped into the air in front of us. “Hi, Hima!” He was followed by another, and another. “Hi Hima!” “Hi!” “Hi, Hima!” “Hi, hi!”

She glanced back at me. “See? They love me.”

I felt a stinging on my head. “Hey! That little bastard just tore one of my hairs out!”

Another kappa leaped out of a wave in front of us, clutching a long strand of my hair. “Hi, Hima! Who’s your friend?”

“Ondine. But forget her for a moment, I need your help.”

“Ondine!” “Good name.” “Ondy!” “Dina!” “Hello Ondy!”

Hima glared. “Focus, please! I need to find my island. I know you’ve been there; can you point me in the right direction?”

“That way!” One of the little guys flew out of the surf and over our heads to the south. “No, that way!” Another leapt northwards. “That way!” “That way!” You guessed it, two more jumped up, noses pointed east and west.

“Can I get a consensus please? Which of you is the navigator?”

“Him!” “Me!” “No, me!” “No, him!” “No, Hima!” “Hima!” “Hi, Hima!” “Hi!”

Hima was not happy. “I had forgotten how much I hated these little idiots. They are worse than my mindless ditzy body.”

The tide was starting to ebb, and fewer waves were crashing against the wall now. “Bye, Hima!” Bye, Ondy!” “Good trip!” “Have fun, Hima!”

“No, wait! I know you’ve been there! You’re probably going there right now!”

“See you there, Hima!” “Yeah, see you!”

“No!!”

No more leaping kappas. The mist from the waves pounding the rocks had receded to a few feet below the wall, and it was growing quiet. In the growing calm, a figure became apparent on one of the isolated rocks about ten feet into the water.

It was a kappa, but it didn’t look like any of the others that had been lithely twisting and turning in the air above the surf. Those ones had funny little wrinkled monkey faces, but this one’s face was actually lost in the wrinkles. The black fur over his whole body had turned gray with age, and it was swept forward in front of his face to form an impressive fu Manchu beard. Oddest of all, he was wearing tiny little spectacles that looked like they had come from an ‘I Love to Read’ cabbage patch doll.

He saluted us with his long fingers. “Hima. Ondy. Hi.”

Hima perked up again. “Please tell me you know how to get to my island.”

He shook his little head. “I am sorrowful. The way is not known to me.”

She sagged again. “But you go there every year! How do you not know the way?”

“We go where the tides and the wind take us. We follow the sea, the sea does not follow us. We would not presume to tell it where to go, and thus, where we go does not matter.”

“Helpful,” Hima grunted. “Many thanks there.”

“Perhaps you also need to learn to follow. Release your desires, and your desire shall find you.”

“Ondine, it’s time to go. Let’s let Mr. Old Wise Ass Kappa get on his way to wherever.”

The old monkey smiled. “Yes, now you see. Wherever. Bountiful travels to you.” He slithered, surprisingly agilely, into the ocean.

We stared out at the waves for a moment more. Now what?

Suddenly his little face popped out of the water at our feet. “For a kick start, go talk to the Old Man. He knows much of desires.” And he was gone again.

I looked at Hima. “Old man? Like that little guy wasn’t old enough?”

She had a strange smile on her face. “Of course. Old Man River. I should have thought of that.”