Excerpt: The Deranged Expeditions of Crayon Man

I chose this excerpt because I felt it was most representative of my brain on Nano. Not to mention this is the only semi-coherent part. Don't say I didn't warn you. =)

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“Well, welcome to our prison cell! We have some moldy bread.” Lilia held up the last piece. Paton hadn’t been planning to touch it with a ten foot pole, so he didn’t really mind.

Scrape stared at her warily. At last, he took the bread and shoved the whole piece in his mouth at once. It was very attractive, especially the part where he had to spit half of it back out—a chewed up, spit covered mush—into his hand while he swallowed the rest. Had Paton had an appetite, he would have lost it. As luck would have it, the moldy bread had already taken care of that problem.

“We only have two beds, though,” Lilia said, “And me and Paton claimed them. Sorry.” She gave him a dazzling smile. He looked appropriately dazzled, despite having moldy bread in his mouth. Paton suddenly wondered if Lilia was a vampire. Or worse yet, a Meyerpire. Oh, geez. Now HE was going around accusing others of being vampires. He was just as bad as the rednecks. Well, not really; HE wasn’t singing the Cotton Eyed Joe.

“HEY! Get outta my rat hole, foo'!”

Paton froze as an unfamiliar voice rang around the cell like a banana phone. (That was the best metaphor ever and YOU KNOW IT…EXCEPT IT WASN’T A METAPHOR, IT WAS A SIMILE)

“What was that?” he said.

“Oh, it’s just the rats yelling at each other,” Lilia said dismissively, “They’re very protective of their holes.” (THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID)

“Hey!”

Paton jumped as a random rat ran out of nowhere and up to Lilia, putting its tiny paws on her knee.

“Give us some bread!” it said.

Paton stared at the rat in disbelief. What the bajeezus had been in that moldy bread? Did the guards lace it with hallucinogens? Half a day in here and he was already going crazy!

“We ate it all,” Lilia said, “Sorry.” She reached out and patted the rat delicately on its head. It bit her with an unpleasant biting noise. (I don’t think my descriptive language could get any better, truly)

“Hey!” Lilia jerked her hand back. “That was mean!”

“Your face is mean,” the rat retorted very wittily, then dashed away, disappearing through a whole in the wall.

“How did it do that?” Paton said.

“Do what?” Lilia looked at him, clutching her bitten finger.

“Go through a whole,” he said.

“I don’t get it,” Scrape said, having finally swallowed the bread.

(Especially considering Paton can’t read. =P Hooray for Nanoisms. So anyhow.)

Lilia beckoned for them to lean in closer.

“We have to flush out all those rats so we can kill them,” she whispered.

There she went again with her “flushing out” obsession. Couldn’t she think of another word to use?

“But I am l’tired,” Scrape protested.

“Well have a nap,” Lilia said, “But you have to sleep on the floor, cause me and Paton claimed the beds.” She gestured to the empty beds that she and Paton would not be using for another twelve hours.

Unlike a normal person, Scrape did not seem to be bothered by this. He simply curled up in a corner and was snoring minutes later.