Excerpt: The Winston Salem Club

Cathy gasped, exasperated, “Imagine the nerve.” She ran the fingers of her free hand through her short hair, making it stand on end. “Dog crap, Grace. Dog crap! On MY porch. My porch that I scrubbed for four hours!” Cathy had a way of increasing time with the gravity of the situation. “Do you know how long it will take me to get that stuff out of the carpet?”

Grace smiled faintly, “If you didn’t have carpet, you could just hose it off with the water hose.”

“Now, don’t you start!” Cathy couldn’t help but smile a little. “And did she offer to help clean it up?”

“You slammed the door in her face.”

“Oh, no ma’am. That’s how city folks are. They’ll get their dog’s turds all over whatever they please and not feel bad about it.”

“She doesn’t have a dog.”

“Well, this is why I keep my dogs locked OUT of my yard. If I wanted dog poop on my carpet, I’d bring my dogs up here and wipe their little doggie behinds right on the porch. Oh, no. I try to keep things nice, but the rude new neighbor has to drag her shoes over here and wipe them off on my new carpet.”

“You said you wanted new carpet anyway.” Grace had a way of always playing sensible when Cathy went off on a dramatic tangent. Their relationship, at times, was not dissimilar to that of Laurel and Hardy, only neither of them was particularly fat. “Besides, she doesn’t have a dog.” Grace loved to egg Cathy on.

“And to bring a store-bought piece of cardboard cake over here! Putting it on a fancy plate doesn’t make it good.”

“I’ve never seen a cake like that at the store. I think she made it herself.”

“Well, I bet she’s a terrible cook. What do city folks know about making chocolate cake? Don’t they just buy everything at the grocery store?” Cathy threw herself down on the couch, careful to drape the hand holding her cigarette and cup-style ashtray over the edge. “I have to rest for a minute. My head is just pounding.”

Grace couldn’t hold it in any longer. She began to giggle, that silly school girl giggle that she never grew out of, and that she used a lot when she spent time with Cathy. “Well, I’ll help you clean up that mess sometime before Bill is due home. You know he’ll step right in that and track it all over in here.”

“Okay. But, let’s watch Judge Judy first. I think that ex-lady wrestler Russia is going to be on there.”

“I didn’t know you and Bill still watched wrestling.”

“We don’t. Bill won’t allow me to anymore. He says I get too worked up by all the violence and testosterone. Bad for my heart.” Cathy smiled and sat up, straightening the neck feathers of her pink nightgown. “But it sure was good for my eyes.”

“That’s gross.” Grace laughed and grabbed the remote. “First....Judge Judy…then, dog turds.”

“Agreed.”