The Next Great American Novel - by Fluffy - as Translated by Her Human
an excerpt

She’s been almost married a few times. Twice since she became my human. Those two guys snuck up on her. She fell hard and fast and trusted them immediately. One was never even called boy - he went straight to his given name. The other was boy right up until they called off the wedding. She uses their names around them of course, but she has a three step process of referring to them to her friends, and well, even to her family... In the twelve years she’s been my human, this has only happened twice. One she almost married and the other made her cry. That one is the reason she’s my human. He was my human for a short for a short period of time - exactly eighteen unbearable minutes, gift wrapped in a box, tossed in the floorboards of an old Lincoln Town car. Not that I’m still bitter or anything. He didn’t last long after bringing me over. Not that me kneading my claws into various parts of his anatomy had anything to do with it - plus, that backfired on me - one morning I work up sore, and my claws were gone. I still have hope that they will grow back, so I keep practicing sharpening them. He made her cry after playing with her, and he left. He called a few times after that, but she was in bed, crying most of the time. It didn’t help that her brother saw them playing together and threw him out. With cats, one is dominant and the other is not. Humans are different, they want to have two pack leaders, granted, it does seem to work better for you this way. She, being a strong, female pack leader in most aspects of her life, was overly dominated by him; her brother helped end that dominance. It’s been twelve years now, and while I thought it was strange at first, I’ve come to realize my human is better off without him. He made her cry, and she’s not going to let someone do that to her again. Maybe her tears are wherever my claws are…