Excerpt: To Break the Golden Bough

"That's a little uneven-looking."

I squinted at the banner above my head. FMC shot me her trade marked sour-milk peel-paint kill-spiders-at-fifty-paces glare over one shoulder.

"You're a little uneven looking."

I quirked an eyebrow. "You know this how? Last time I checked, you were still swearing to have nothing to do with me. Perhaps you're changing your opinion?"

She stared at me blankly for a moment, and then laughed as she realized what she'd said. "Whatever," she smiled. "But really, do you think this is uneven?"

I leaned against the foot of her ladder, peering up her length. Sadly, she wasn't wearing a skirt. "You're so beautiful."

She leaned slightly, looking down at me, and gave a tired, slightly disgusted sigh. "I wish I could say the same for you. All you seem to be is persistent."

"You know you want me."

"You bet I do. I want you," She squinted at the long strip of fabric. "to go fall in a well. You wouldn't believe how hard it is to make this thing level with you nattering at me."

I studied the banner she was hanging. It read "Bla bla bla, bla bla bla bla!" in violent gold and purple foot-high letters. It also hung with a marked tilt- wide, soft ripples rolled down its length. "Yep. It's tipped-- it's higher on the other end. How high do you want it?"

"It's higher on that end?" she asked, gesturing with her chin, her arms full of fabric and rope. "Sheesh. All right-- umm. Which height do you think looks better?" She illustrated her meaning with the banner, first raising the end she held and shoving it against the wall even with her ladder-enhanced head height, then moving it down so it sagged even with her hips.

"Here, raise it and push it against the wall again." She did, the action making her hips stand out in a most remarkable way. "Very nice!" I called.

"You think that's the better height?"

"I think that's the better pose-" Her face grew murderous and she made motions like she might drop the banner, climb down the ladder, and throttle me. "Ah, no, sorry, I didn't mean it!" I back peddled a few steps and tried a winsome smile. It didn't work, as usual, but old habits die hard. She ground her teeth and stared at me.

"Well? Do you actually have something to say? Are you actually going to help me with this?"

"If you set it at the higher setting, it ends up looking awkward with the stonework. I'd say hang it lower. You do know that neither of those choices make it even with the other end, right?" She sighed.

"I'll just have to rehang that end too, I guess." She tied a quick knot to secure the end of the banner and clambered down the ladder. "Does that look about right?"

"Good enough."

She scrambled across the room, towing her ladder, and swarmed up it like a monkey, trailing a long golden tail of hair. Lovely... She quickly undid her knots and lowered the drape. "How's that?" she called. "Even?"

"Just a bit more..."

"How much?"

"Um... A few inches..." I held my hands up to her, about five inches apart. "Yea much. Like so."

"Gotcha." She fiddled with the ropes a bit, lowering the banner jerkily. "Did I get it?"

"Close enough for government work."

"Good enough for me, then." With deft fingers she retied the knot, not letting the ropes lip a smidge. She gave a quick, satisfied nod of the head and climbed down, yellow Converse flashing out from under her dark pant cuffs.

As she walked towards me, I managed to look away (a wrench) and take in the decorations around the room. Banners dripped form every available anchor, and balloons sprung upward form the same, as well as being pasted and weighed in other places. The place looked like a mad clown's secret workshop.

"Why are you in here hanging banners anyway?"

"I got roped into it. As usual. The Belles from Hell decided that I didn't have quite enough to keep me busy, what with the greeting and cooking and organizing and all. I get to decorate too." Her voice was heavy with sarcasm.

"Ah." I said, deciding not to say too much. "I see."

She looked at me, a bit confused, a bit understanding, a bit annoyed.

"Yeah. Exactly."

She looked exhausted. "You're still working the rest of the evening, then?" I asked.

"Yep. No escape to an early rest for me. It's too bad, really. It's almost like the Belles know about our little prank-- I can't figure out any time to wear that dress."

I smiled at her. "Don't worry about it. Something will come up. I'm sure."

She laughed, a grating, exhausted laugh. "I'm glad you're so confident. Thanks. I guess."