Excerpt: Coming To Terms

This shouldn’t have been happening. There wasn’t any afterlife. I knew there wasn’t. So why was my head hurting? Why was someone - or something – pounding away at my head? Had I really got it so wrong. Did heaven and hell really exist? I supposed I had to be in hell. Heaven wouldn’t have taken me. Not after what I had done. But why was the devil trying to crack my head open? Why was he hammering at my skull?

‘Make the pain go away. Stop! Please! Stop it!’ my mind screamed.

But it didn’t stop. It didn’t seem to want to stop. It simply went on, and on, and on... Thump! Thump! Thump…..

‘Argh! Please! Stop it!’ The words were still inside my head. I had tried shouting them, but my mouth wouldn’t co-operate.

But the thumping did finally stop. I lay there. My head still felt sore. I tried to move. I couldn’t. Something seemed to be holding me down. A few groans escape my lips.

And what was that horrible smell? It certainly wasn’t brimstone. It wasn’t sharp enough. It was a different type of smell to brimstone. Sour... Fetid... Sickly... What was it? I managed to move my hand and felt something cold and wet. Something thick and sticky. Hell wasn’t supposed to be like this. It should have been hot – fire and brimstone – not cold and sticky.

I lifted my head from whatever it was lying on. It hurt like hell. No surprise there, I reckoned. If I really was in hell what else should I expect it to feel? I tried to open my eyes. They refused. The pain in my head became too intense. I let it drop with a thud onto the ground again. I wondered how long I had been in hell. I wondered just how long eternity would last. I realised the futility of such a thought. Eternity didn’t end. It just went on, and on, and on…

But at least whoever or whatever had been beating on my head had ceased. Maybe there were moments during this eternity when I would be allowed some respite. But how long was a moment? Would a moment seem like an eternity? Could a moment seem like eternity? If eternity was immeasurable, could the moments that make up that eternity actually be measured? Was I losing my mind? Did I even have a mind to lose any more? And why was I thinking these thoughts, anyway?

I tried to stop my jumbled thoughts. I reasoned that they were just another way that the devil was trying to punish me. But why would he want to punish me. If he really was evil, shouldn’t he be congratulating me on all the evil things I had done when I was alive? Am I still alive? Does an eternity in hell after a life on earth class as still being alive? Would these thoughts finally send me completely insane? Would the pain get any less if I did go insane? Well at least the person, thing, devil, one of his minions, or whoever – or whatever - that had been beating my head had stopped. For the moment at least. I forced myself to stop thinking about how long a moment might last. That thought had got me nowhere the last time.

And then they started again. The beatings about my head. Thud! Thud! Thud! Harder this time. And faster. I wondered if I would be allowed to pass out. Or would that not be allowed. Would the devil not want me to stop feeling the pain. Thud! Thud! Thud! Faster again. More frantic almost.

And then the voice started. Started calling my name. Over and over again. ‘Danny! Danny! Danny!’