Theatre Tales
an excerpt

Jerry Seinfeld once famously talked about a survey he had seen that indicated peoples' fear of public speaking ranks higher in their minds than the fear of death. "In other words," he observed, "at a funeral, the average person would rather be in the casket than giving the eulogy." I'm no expert, but I think Mr. Seinfeld must be right. Not only does it take an extraordinary person to comfortably get up in front of an audience, it takes someone even more unique to actively pursue that experience.

I am not one of those people. There's no doubt in my mind that I would be better off in eternity rather than attempting to address a group of my peers. You couldn't pay me enough money to get onstage, before the footlights, and attempt to create, with my voice and body, a world for an audience. It takes a very special sort of person to have the combination of pure ego and need, combined with competence and self-knowledge (and, sometimes, huge amounts of self-denial) to make the effort to transport a group of strangers into another world.

I have spent many years in the company of those very special people. Theatre needs actors to thrive, but it also needs technicians, designers, stage managers, carpenters, writers, directors and producers. I have worked in every one of those capacities (and, on a couple of very dark days, even found myself on the very stage that both intrigues me and terrifies me). I have worked in grand auditoriums, run down off-off-off-off-off Broadway theatres, church and library basements, and just about every space in between.

You have never noticed me. Don't feel bad about that – I wouldn't have it any other way. I was happiest lurking in the shadows, watching the vision I helped to realize as a crowd of strangers took it in. I have made you laugh, made you cry, made you think, and you have no idea of my existence. Good, that's the way it should be.

Now that I have grabbed center stage for myself, I'm going to cede it to those more deserving (or, at least, more desirous) of the space – the actors. Standing quietly in the shadows, one sees some very interesting things. As much as they bring the audience to laughter and tears while they're onstage, when they're backstage, I promise you they are both funnier and sadder than you could imagine.

Come with me. Follow me into the backstage darkness and I'll share some theatre tales with you.