Socially awkward writers?

JustinJans — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 00:00:01 -0500

This is not the same as the introverted writer thread. I just want to see how many of us socially awkward people are here. The ones who would love to be out going and friendly but have no idea how to start conversations or meet people. Those who tend to say the wrong thing at the the wrong time because they didn't know. Those who have lot's of acquaintances but few friends. Those who have no social skills. I proudly stand up and say I am part of this group. I hope I'm not alone.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

Voidmaster — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 00:13:16 -0500

I don't know how to talk to people I don't know already. I haven't had to make friends since Elementary school, and the art has been lost on me in the intervening time. So college is a bit hard. Luckily, my roommate this year is one that I was friends with back in highschool, so it works out. However, I have no connections in my college except for him and my girlfriend, both of whom I brought over to college. This results in rather lonely weekends, when both of them go home and I do not.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

Ostenski — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 00:24:10 -0500

Oh, I... I wouldn't know anything about that...

Re: Socially awkward writers?

Haruka_Otaku — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 03:17:24 -0500

I am one, too! When I was young (under 12 years old), I used to be very outgoing and had lots of friends. Then migrate across the ocean... and everything changed. Now I am 21 (few days for 22), socially awkward, no social skills... It's been so long since my childhood, so I had forgotten that I was not always introverted as I thought. Now I'm kind of hermit, but I think it was for "self defense". Now I got used to living this way and not bother me too much... But participating in forums and stuff like that, I think that might help. Especially in threads where we are "safe." Haruka

Re: Socially awkward writers?

MuffinThePuffin — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 03:29:17 -0500

I love this thread already :) I always feel extremely awkward around people, and they seem to pick up on that. It's gotten to the point where I'm shy on the internet. But! All I want to do is make friends like a seven year old. It's a bit of an issue.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

Haruka_Otaku — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 03:36:27 -0500

Despite this (and my rusty English)... Someone who wants to be writing buddy? Perhaps being both socially awkward there is less pressure to do it well?

Re: Socially awkward writers?

Jazz.Coffee.Love — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 06:02:40 -0500

Everything you said speaks to me. That's my story too. I wasn't as totally outgoing as you say you were, when I was younger, but I wasn't like this. Came to England, aged six, and gradually, totally, lost my mojo. And it's true, realising that you were a different "you" back then. Which one is real? Hmm...

Re: Socially awkward writers?

Mandy Noble — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 07:10:26 -0500

Is it possible to be a socially awkward extrovert? I'm very friendly and out going, but I'm just so darn... well, crazy, that I have a hard time keeping friends. I mean, I make "friends" through work-- those customers who come in and are nice to me, especially nice to me, because they like seeing me. But as for keeping friends, poohy! It just doesn't happen. Some time after a manic episode and my "friends" run for the hills, talking smack about me, of which I hear about, and then discontinue the friendship. As for internet friends, I've even cut them off, friends I've had from RPing a decade ago, I thought were my real friends-- even the ones I've visited in real life... I found out they had little interest in my well being. So there you have it. I am socially awkward. If it were for my fiance and his charisma, I doubt I'd ever see another living soul in a social setting.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

SairzB — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 07:59:29 -0500

I hear dat.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

A.L. More — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 10:43:05 -0500

I was... odd when I was a child. My mom taught me to not follow the crowd, so I didn't. I had difficulty making friends, because everyone I grew up with already knew I was strange and any new kids were warned off from me pretty quickly. I did make friends, but most of them were as weird as I was, so I didn't learn all that much in terms of social interaction. I've gotten better over the years, but I still feel awkward and out of place in most social situations where I don't know anyone or know very few people. I went to my region's kickoff party and was almost tempted to run away because it was so awkward in the beginning.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

apishcan23 — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 11:07:59 -0500

I'm a socially awkard introverted writer. High school was marked by all the dumb things I said and did at the wrong time, to the wrong people. College wasn't much better. Once I get to know someone, I can carry on a conversation with them but it's the starting the conversation in the first place to get to know them that I fail at.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

Selah Ex Animo — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 12:30:41 -0500

I can relate to everyone in this thread so much I don't even... blah, words. There was, apparently, a time in my life when I was gregarious, unembarrassed, and talkative. Somewhere between then and high school, that version of me took a backseat and gave way to the version that could begin a conversation and could maybe even hold up her end of it, but only just. But that version of me seems to have taken a backseat and given way to yet a third version: the one who will spout factual information on command (need directions? I'm your woman) but beyond that cannot be induced to say a single word. Honestly. I want to talk to people - but I don't know how. The conversation either stalls because I don't know what to say and the other person is clearly uncomfortable, or the conversation never begins because I can't bring myself to lift my voice. I AM DRIVING MYSELF MAD.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

Tamka — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 12:49:25 -0500

To some posts I feel so related. A few weeks ago, I came to University and I realized, how bad I am at making social interactions and speaking with people. I just sit there, trying not to look scared and end up looking scary to the others -.- Actually I'm the nicest person on earth... They just won't notice!

Re: Socially awkward writers?

FavouriteNightmare — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 13:07:58 -0500

Omg, I just had a 'IM NOT THE ONLY ONE!' euphoric moment. Oh well, I'm not as bad as I used to be because I was very shy and was afraid of doing anything I hadn't done at least four times before. But still, I have such a hard time making friends I just don't know what on earth is wrong with me. I talk to people, I just never see them outside school or work. And it's not like I mind... Well sometimes I do because my best friend lives on the other side of the country (so doing something fun on a regular base is not really possible) but most of the time I'm fine as it is to be honest.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

Selah Ex Animo — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 13:29:18 -0500

I can relate to you so well, Muffin - I thought I was the only one! The Internet used to be my escape from the misery of my own social inability, but these days, I'm shy about commenting, let alone emailing/PMing people. I don't know what happened, D: I'm hoping to use NaNo '11 to overcome this barrier at least a little - it's rare to be around so many likeminded people and I don't want the opportunity to pass me by until next year!

Re: Socially awkward writers?

quixotic_hope — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 14:10:57 -0500

I'm not sure if I belong here or not, although I definitely understand how it is to feel too shy to comment! I've gotten better at commenting on here, but I don't post on any other sites, really. My problem isn't that I say the wrong things at the wrong time - it's that I'm so afraid of saying the wrong thing that I end up not saying anything. People think I'm rude because I don't talk to them, but I only don't talk because I'm afraid and often can't think of a single thing to say anyway. My whole life, the only friends I have are those who started talking to me first. I can talk when (usually), but I can't talk first. The only reason I have a boyfriend is because someone else set us up and then he texted me. If he and I had had to get to know each other in person instead of online, I don't think we'd be dating. We never would have made it past the first month if he weren't socially awkward, too.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

oazan — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 14:14:50 -0500

I agree that being socially awkward and introverted are different. I wish I could talk to people, but I have so many issues with that. Sometimes it's mostly okay (I can, but I mostly just respond with a few words), sometimes it's, like, crippling and I just can't go up to someone and talk. I hate it.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

AshHadAns — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 14:25:01 -0500

I am probably the most socially awkward person in my state. If there was a choice between staying in my house all day every day for the rest of my life or winning a million dollars, I would happily give the money away. Being around people makes me so uncomfortable and I start to fidget. Going to get my kids from school every day pretty much gives me a panic attack! I think that's why I like writing so much. I can live vicariously through my characters. I guess that makes all my characters Mary Sue's...

Re: Socially awkward writers?

shychildofchaos — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 15:43:51 -0500

Hello! I'm a fairly awkward writer. I'm not as bad as I used to be, because I can introduce myself and try to start a conversation now and the 'flee madly' line is now further away when I'm around people I don't know. I can't be comfortable unless there's at least one person I know or I'm in a place I know really well. Like, say, the NaNo forums, which lead to write-ins... I went to my first last year, and now I'm looking forward to this year's. I don't speak often. I guess I creep people out sometimes because of that. I never was very good at talking to people, but once I was introduced to instant messaging, forums, and texting I got a little better. I'm still petrified of going up to people, but I can force myself to do it. I started writing because I was so much clearer and just, well, better when I wrote rather than letting myself trip over my tongue and end up saying things in the most awkward, stupid ways. And I had plenty of stories that deserved to be either written or drawn out, as I am an artist also. I just love to see them filling pages and being passed around and enjoyed.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

Haruka_Otaku — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 16:01:43 -0500

[quote=AshHadAns] If there was a choice between staying in my house all day every day for the rest of my life or winning a million dollars, I would happily give the money away. [/quote] Me too! Although I would change "stay home" for "empty places" (I mean being alone on a beach or forest). Tomorrow I'm going to the kick-off in my area... It will be an horrible experiment, but I hope to have talked to most of them by the regional forum will help a little. In fact, yesterday I met a girl who will go. She's very nice, and I think it will be a lucky to have known her (even a little). Anyway, I got so nervous that I threw some coffee on me. I think (hope) that she didn't realize at all, but you see what kind of first impressions I make. (ó_ò) That, not to mention the phone. Calling someone (except my parents or my brother), for whatever reason, is too much for me. I have to push myself to do it. It's awful!

Re: Socially awkward writers?

WiresInABox — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 16:48:34 -0500

I agree that introverted and social awkward are two different things, however one does not necessarily exclude the other. I am introverted and social awkward. I think I have become introverted because that is easier and then I got used to it. But I love the few times I am with friends and I would really like to experience that more often. Getting to know new people is very hard for me and it takes a very long time. With some people it's easier than with others, but most people take things too fast for me and don't give me time to catch up. So I kind of give up when I feel left behind, and walk away for myself, pretending for others and myself that it is what I want.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

AnarchyOpteryx — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 16:55:59 -0500

This is me. I have only a couple of IRL friends, neither of them writers. I was surprised how easily I've found writing buddies here, which makes me feel bad I hadn't discovered NaNoWriMo fives years ago when I started college.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

fiskepudding — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 16:58:34 -0500

I'm definitely an introvert. And I used to be socially awkward, but then I came to the realization that nothing has to be awkward unless I make it so. I am who I am and I say what I want to say, and if someone else thinks that I'm awkward it's on them. This goes for silence too... pauses in conversation don't bother me, and if other people call them "awkward silences" that's their problem for not being comfortable with a good healthy silence!

Re: Socially awkward writers?

JustLie — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 17:40:26 -0500

I agree that social awkward is not the same as introverted. My parents are both introverted, yet they are great at talking in public and socializing. So while I am trying hard to get better at talking to people (eek!) and getting over the awkwardness, I will never be anything but introverted. That said, I don't think I'll ever be truly comfortable talking to people or initiating conversation, like I was as a little kid. Oh how I miss those days. Alas, my brain self-censors too much.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

LiebeLeben — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 17:51:45 -0500

Me! I'm socially awkward. I didn't move across an ocean, but I found in elementary school I got along better (easier?) with my classmates, but when I got to middle school, things happened to me and I started withdrawing. I have moved a lot, and I simply think that the social ability button is somewhere hidden, deactivated and/or lost. I just... can't. I don't know how. I want to make friends on a face-to-face level, but I can't seem to. I never know what to say. I'm strange. Oh well... I make friends better online I think.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

Mandyla — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 19:29:34 -0500

Definitely me! And I think going to college has actually made me worse at talking to people than I was in high school. At least there I had friends who would force me to leave my house on weekends against my will so I would have to interact with people that way. Here, there's really no excuse to even leave my room and so my social skills have deteriorated further. Makes me a bit depressed sometimes, but then I go home for the weekend and make a fool of myself repeatedly in front of my family because they're just as messed up as I am and I'm okay with it because they can't get rid of me :)

Re: Socially awkward writers?

braids — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 02:31:47 -0500

I'm more introverted than anything, but I'm awkward in social situations because of my social anxiety. And my introversion doesn't help because it's so hard to explain to people that I'm not angry or sad, I just want some time on my own. I find I can carry a conversation with a stranger if it's intelligent, but if it's just small talk about the weather or something, I have no idea what to say. I swear I must look like such a weirdo sometimes. I think if I could get over the fears I have about people, I would be fine, because I know I can be fine socially if I have to be. I'm pretty independent actually, which totally goes against everything else I am, ha.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

MuffinThePuffin — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 02:51:57 -0500

You're not alone! Oh my goodness! The social aspect of this year's NaNo is what I'm looking forward to the most. It sounds a bit sad, but it's true. NaNo is an excuse for me to hole up writing more than normal. So this year I'm adding the extra challenge of being social to it. I'm always so nervous whenever I'm typing something or going to regional events, but I'm really happy that I'm able to actually do it. It definitely helps that so many of the people here are like minded, and that we all have at least one thing in common.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

MuffinThePuffin — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 02:59:01 -0500

Living in the dorms last year was so hard because of the not knowing anyone and therefore not having an excuse to leave. Sure it didn't help that most of the people went home on the weekends but... It's awesome that your family sounds supportive though! And that you get to go home on the weekends.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

vivalalauren — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 03:09:05 -0500

Oh man, this is my new favorite thread ever. Like some of you, I was really outgoing up until I was around sixteen. Then, we moved back to the states, and I went from being home schooled to attending the largest public high school in Utah. It was quite the culture shock for both the students and I, because I'm totally blind. I don't think they quite knew what to make of me. Now that i'm in college, I live off campus and hide with my cat a lot. This thread may be my new saving grace.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

Amy Cookie — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 05:49:08 -0500

Yep, I'm awkward and true to form, I can't think of anything else to say on the subject....

Re: Socially awkward writers?

iWrite23 — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 07:11:16 -0500

This is me. I have three main problems making friends....1) I'm always too something e.g. too gamer for non-gamers, too writer for non-writers, too quiet for partiers, too new age for non-new age people or too practical for many new agers, and just plain too involved in being a mum for everyone else lol. 2) I actually expect real friends, not fake two faced people. 3) I'm just plain weird. :s lol I can't really start convos, or make small talk or anything like that very easily. I was saying to my sister the other day I wished there was a find a best friend site (kinda like a dating site but not) where you put your hobbies and stuff, then go out for coffee with people you like lol...just like a dating site but for best friends. Would SO take the pressure off lol.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

Maneechan — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 07:30:41 -0500

I said the wrong things at the wrong time, get excited at the wrong time and get bored at the wrong times. Tries to make friends-Always fail. I am socially awkward penguin personified.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

DaxBenny — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 08:59:38 -0500

I'm actually good at chatting with people, however I'm what I call flirtarded. I can chat with people no problem. I used to never be able to but gained that ability when I worked at a service oriented grocery store where they forced you to ask customers how they were doing and whatnot. It broke my nerves for that sort of thing but when it comes to girls I can never properly make the move without saying the worst thing possible.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

OwlyCreature — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 15:41:41 -0500

I'm sure she didn't notice, or if she did, didn't care :) I'm going to my kickoff too and am very nervous because it's a new social situation and I tend to make odd first-impressions, but you know, we won't grow if we don't push ourselves. *virtual fist bump* You go, Haruka! We can do this!

Re: Socially awkward writers?

Demonology — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 18:35:26 -0500

I've always been socially awkward, but it really came to a head when I was about 16 or 17- I lost contact with my friends before they all headed off to university and I can't make new friends because I'm terminally shy. After talking to my doctor about it she diagnosed social anxiety, and I'm getting therapy now which I really hope will help. I'm working at it!

Re: Socially awkward writers?

Amriah — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 19:51:56 -0500

I'm actually scared of the social part. I mean, I want to be involved with others locally, but what the heck am I going to say or do? Conversation is NOT my strongsuit.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

Amriah — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 19:57:03 -0500

I know exactly how that is! A lot of my friends don't seem to handle my personality well. I tend to want honesty over anything else, so when they're two-faced behind my back, that relationship is done. You know? It even happens with internet friends, and my husband is truly the only person I have right now that won't judge me.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

Ami — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 20:32:00 -0500

Ahahahahaha that's totally me too.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

crystalwrites — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 20:49:44 -0500

Awww... you're all so cute because I was totally the socially awkward girl in school. From kindergarten to senior year of high school, I literally did not speak in class. EVER. I was painfully shy, and was always known as the "quiet" girl or "shy" girl. In college, dorms made it a bit easier to talk to people, so I made a few friends. But my social skills were horrible. I hated going to parties because I never knew what to say. The few years after college were when my social skills reallllly improved. I'm a chatterbox now!!! So now when I say "I'm shy," the people who know me now (but didn't know me then) are shocked, or go, "shy? pshhhh." So, I'm going to pass on some tips for people who have difficulty making friends: 1) SMILE. Your smile is beautiful!! People are more likely to respond to you, or approach you if you smile. It gives off the "I'm friendly" vibe. 2) Ask questions!! People LOOOOVE talking about themselves because everyone's conceited like that. Trust me. Think of everyone you meet as a character in a book, and they all have a backstory. And people looooove talking about their backstories. Easy questions like, "what school do you go to, and what's your major, what do you want to be when you grow up" will make people go off in long paragraphs talking about their lives. Then something they will talk about should spark your interest, and you can keep asking questions. 3) If the other person is shy also, and all you get after asking questions is "yes," "no," and "maybe" answers, then that means it's YOUR turn to talk about yourself and fill in the space. Talk about what your background is like...what school you go to, how many pets you have, who you live with, where you want to travel, etc. When you go blah blah blah, something should hopefully spark that person's interest and say something back. 4) Actually LISTEN to (not judge) people's stories and what they have to say. I loooooove listening to what other people have to say about themselves and the world around them. If you listen, you will most likely learn something. Then you can use that knowledge to add as a conversation topic the next time you talk to a new person with that same interest. 5) This last tip is optional. When people invite you somewhere, my advice, especially if you want to improve your social skills, is GO. Don't be one of those people who stays at home 24/7. The more places you go, the more people you meet. The more people you meet, the more you learn about life, and the more ideas you get for your stories (: If you take the initiative to say hello and ask how someone's doing, you'll be surprised how many people will love you and want to be your friend. I think everyone just wants to be noticed or heard, and they will love you for giving them the opportunity to do so.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

nationalcool — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 22:07:38 -0500

Yup.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

Hëradïn — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 23:32:51 -0500

this fits me pretty well. though I feel mine stems from moving schools so many times when I was younger that I was like "whats the point? I'm just going to move anyway..." then when we stopped moving I didn't know how to make friends and even to this day I have trouble when it comes to social interactions :( I just want to be able to hang out with people...

Re: Socially awkward writers?

Twitch Was Here — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 01:08:55 -0500

OMG my people! Is this what it feels like to be amongst one's own kind for the first time?

Re: Socially awkward writers?

Haruka_Otaku — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 01:59:18 -0500

Yes! This is exactly what it feels like! It's like a big "welcome home" banner! NaNo begins! Good luck! :D

Re: Socially awkward writers?

Rivanariko — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 02:21:50 -0500

I've felt socially awkward for... a very long time. But I never had too much trouble making a few friends while I was in school. You're forced to interact with people there. Now I'm not in school. How the heck do I make friends now? I find myself very lonely with just my husband and my dogs... not that my dogs aren't excellent company. My biggest problem is I'm never sure how to go from "acquaintances" or people that you've met once or twice, to "friends". I get the meeting people thing. Join clubs, go out places, whatever. But how do they become your friends? At what point does "You should come over for dinner sometime!" become not-creepy? And what if I don't WANT to invite them over for dinner? My husband and I suck at unpacking and our house is in a perpetual state of "we just moved". And I'm a crappy cook. Doesn't probably help that I live on a military base and most of the other wives my age are either parents or trying really hard to become parents, whereas I find babies slightly terrifying. People don't find you grimacing at the sight of their progeny endearing, apparently.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

Lenny Maybe — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 02:39:51 -0500

I am super-dooper socially awkward. Never say or do the right things at the right time, terrified of doing new things... This is definitely different to being introverted, though, because I'm a huge extrovert. Nice to know I'm not alone here :)

Re: Socially awkward writers?

Lenny Maybe — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 02:40:37 -0500

I feel you. I'm fine at chatting with people at work/uni, but I never know how to go beyond just chatting.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

Rivanariko — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 02:59:38 -0500

I am 100% with you there! I'm always certain I'm going to say/do the wrong thing and everyone's going to either think I'm a gigantic moron or I'll completely offend them. Which is my fear with asking a lot of questions. For example: One girl at work that I've been hoping to become friends with is going through a rough time right now because her wife just left her. What questions do you ask that this point. "So, your house is feeling pretty empty right now huh? How long were you too married anyway? Sucks that it didn't work out." I don't even want to ask about her dogs, because I don't know if the now-ex took them or not. I am more on the introverted side, but not so much that I don't want to be around people. I've texted a girl I met a while back and got along well with a few times to see if we can meet up for a dog-walking date, but so far nothing has come of it... I don't know where to draw the line of "you're seriously desperate" and "persistent because you know she's busy"

Re: Socially awkward writers?

Twitch Was Here — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 03:03:48 -0500

Thanks! It's a nice place. I like it. Think I'll stick around for awhile. Best of luck to you as well. :)

Re: Socially awkward writers?

raptures_revenge — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 03:15:03 -0500

Totally me. I'm fine on the computer, but put me in a real-world social situation, and I'm a mess. I'd rather be in my own little world with something to distract me from having to be social. I have severe social anxiety, too, and that makes interacting with people, even people I know really well, extremely difficult.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

Eunoia — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 06:47:52 -0500

Yeah, socially awkward introverted writer. I'm terrible at the whole talking thing and I'll just make one or two word replies. I can't initiate conversations either so unless someone directly talks to me and no one else interrupts then I just don't talk. I just uncomfortable being around people too, even though I want to be social. I'm better talking to people online because I can say more of what I want to.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

Pliva — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 11:10:51 -0500

Can I just say I love this thread? Because I do. I am so awkward. I'm so quiet in situations where I'm not comfortable and I never quite know how to react, but once I AM comfortable, I never shut up, to the point where it's still awkward. (Case in point, my freshman year of high school I was the quiet techie. Senior year of high school I was an actor/director/SM who always made sure the new kids felt involved) So I have people who aren't close to me who think I'm quiet, and people who are that think I never shut up. But I'm still awkward even when people get to know me, it's just that they accept it as one of my foibles.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

IronicSerenity — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 11:52:34 -0500

Hi! I found this thread and had to say hello. It's great to have found a thread with others who totally understand social awkwardness. I have social anxiety. I'm hoping to find some people to chat with during NaNo this year. I don't have any friends who write for NaNo. So please PM me if you're looking for a writing buddy! I'd be happy to keep in touch with you!

Re: Socially awkward writers?

Inkyness — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 13:06:41 -0500

I guess this describes me. It actually seems like I've gotten a lot better at being social, comparatively, than I used to be... like, I can usually carry on a conversation with an individual without feeling awkward now. But when I'm in a group of people I hardly ever add anything to the conversation unless people make an effort to include me. And it's pretty hard for me to talk about personal things, especially in groups of people or with people I don't know well. Or if someone asks me an open-ended question that I haven't even thought through myself and I don't know which answer to give. :\ I have people I consider friends, but in each case I feel like our friendship is probably more important to me than it is to them. I really wish there was even one person who considered me their best friend.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

MuffinThePuffin — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 13:21:46 -0500

I totally understand that! I get so nervous before going to something, anything social. I want to be social though so it's just a pain. I do think that it is slightly easier because we're all writers scrambling around in our stories at the moment though.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

MuffinThePuffin — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 13:33:54 -0500

All of what you said is great advice. I can't speak for everyone on here, but I already do all of those things. I talk to random people, I smile, I put myself in social situations, and I have done everything people have said help make friends. People look at me like I'm a freak or flat out ignore me. THAT is why I identify myself as socially awkward, because no matter what I do I have an insanely hard time connecting to people. I want to get to know people. I'm not shy; I'll go talk to new people. Do I get anxious about it? Yes. Can I carry on a perfectly normal conversation with them? Yes. I've come to think that there is something about me that doesn't mesh well with society and am trying to figure that out. Just because a person can go say hi to a stranger doesn't mean they'll be that person's friend. Now, I know that you're being nice and didn't mean to offend, but to be called cute for something that I hate about myself, something that keeps me up at night, hurts. So what does a person who isn't shy do?

Re: Socially awkward writers?

LilithDee — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 13:42:57 -0500

Ha, this is exactly how I would describe myself, too. New friends who I am not FULLY comfortable around yet still think I'm quiet and shy. I laugh at awkward moments... and I can never make solid group decisions without doubting myself. Old friends... I dominate conversation, am the most decisive about what should be going on, and draw new people into the group by being awkward, loud, obnoxious, and happy with it. These two groups of friends would never agree that I am the same person if they met. o_O

Re: Socially awkward writers?

LilithDee — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 13:50:22 -0500

I'm awkward, and just plain shy. I live with my boyfriend and my ex and we have a mutual friend or two between the three of us who is here, like, every freaking day. Other than that, I have no social life - just my boys. Every time I try to get out (maybe once or twice a month), I've got about two or three hours of solid social interaction in me before I crash and just want to go home. Since I live in the area with a large party school and most of my acquaintances are students, this doesn't allow for very much in terms of making friends - I'm never there for the crazy stories and I will jump up and down and become hyper and super ecstatic just talking about what food I could afford to feed my 'family.' ...I have never thought of myself as domestic before I wrote that description just now. o.o But yeah, socially awkward to boot. I can be loud, obnoxious and dominant in my old crowd of friends, but I never get to see them anymore and even with them, I'm still the same person, I just am much louder about the fact that I just want to get some coffee and nerd out.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

OwlyCreature — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 16:29:21 -0500

As an ex-awkward girl that also was forced to learn on the job, and who has been on the receiving end of flirtardedness (a too-harsh term, but it made me laugh), I've got to say that it only seems to happen when you try to impress. Just chat to us the way you would to the people in the store -- we want to know more about you, and if you ask questions, we know you want to know more about us. Which we like. And that in turn makes it less awkward. Sometimes I'm still seized with the overwhelming desire to just end a conversation by running away and hiding under the bed. But we will fight and we will learn and we will get better at flirting. *power fist* We can do it DaxBenny!

Re: Socially awkward writers?

Ellie Mouse — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 19:21:06 -0500

I'm pretty sure you could call me socially awkward...if you were being nice. I've always been a little different...just off in another world, I guess. Kind of oblivious to a lot of social cues. When I was young, this didn't really hold me back. I got called "weird" by a lot of kids, but I just sort of shrugged it off, and had plenty of friends anyways. Over time, my awkwardness seemed to get worse, and I had less friends. The friends I DID have, I managed to scare off with my terrible social skills...repeatedly. After high school and college, I honestly have two friends I really talk to...one being my boyfriend (who I met online in high school), and the other being the only person who still cares enough to contact me from college. At this point, I'm honestly kind of scared to socialize, because it always ends so badly. Yeeeeeep.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

WoodlandCreatures — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 00:05:44 -0500

Hello fellow awkwards! I've been socially awkward for as long as I can remember. The only person I don't feel awkward interacting with is my boyfriend, but we've been together for five years so that helps :) I hate talking on the phone, and talking to people online, even in a completely anonymous manner, still freaks me out. That can be really frustrating because I'd really like to get to know new people. Last year, I took a job as a home care aide, cooking and cleaning and being company to old and disabled people. I thought it would help, but I think it really just made things worse. I quit in July after eight months, and I haven't managed to apply for another job yet. I have a lot of anxiety about it because I just look back at that time and shudder. I feel like my life would be a lot easier if I was more outgoing and able to handle social interactions, but I don't know, I also feel like it's a big part of what makes me who I am.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

sparkoflove — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 01:20:06 -0500

If you wanna move from acquaintances to friends, I say just invite them to do something. If not dinner at your house, dinner somewhere else. Or an activity like bowling or something. It's not awkward even to ask only after meeting someone once or twice. Just try to be natural about it. "Hey, we should totally go to a movie sometime." Or "I want to go shopping this weekend -- you should come with me!" Smile, be yourself, and if they say no or they can't, maybe wait a while and then try again. Then, if they say no again, just drop it and try this strategy on another acquaintance.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

sparkoflove — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 01:21:09 -0500

As a formerly awkward socializer, I would say that this is really great advice.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

sparkoflove — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 01:26:20 -0500

So... I feel like I can be socially awkward at times, based on how I was at high school, but I actually am pretty social now. I've learned that it doesn't matter if I feel anxious -- other people appreciate someone taking the initiative and setting them at ease. In high school, most of my friends were online. In college, I really blossomed and ended being pretty popular (it was a relatively small campus, though). The biggest thing I learned was: just take a genuine interest in other people, realize that most people are more LIKE you than not, and you can talk about the most basic things. You can always talk about travel/locations, family, interests and hobbies. And if someone says something you don't agree with, instead of judging, ask them why they feel that way and try to better understand where they are coming from. Most people just want someone to listen to them, to hear them, to give them their undivided attention.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

sadlittlewriter — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 02:22:56 -0500

[quote=raptures_revenge] Totally me. I'm fine on the computer, but put me in a real-world social situation, and I'm a mess. I'd rather be in my own little world with something to distract me from having to be social. I have severe social anxiety, too, and that makes interacting with people, even people I know really well, extremely difficult. [/quote] That's me, without the severe anxiety. I usually need some sort of libation to get me relaxed enough around even friends I've known since I was a toddler to have a decent conversation. It's awful.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

raptures_revenge — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 03:04:29 -0500

I was scared silent when I met my girlfriend. A then-mutual friend demanded I go bowling with her and some buddies. I'd been a shut-in for a year at that point, and while I was excited, I was still so scared I couldn't think straight. Thank goodness the friend was someone I'd known for years, but I all but clung to her the entire time.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

corporal34 — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 03:39:48 -0500

Same here. :D I have social anxiety too (with dash of a couple other things lol), but i'm really cheery and social able online.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

corporal34 — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 03:43:05 -0500

Me too,i've had a lot of counsellors but my current ones seems to be working out!

Re: Socially awkward writers?

Jazz.Coffee.Love — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 09:52:04 -0500

I have to say that I'm glad I am a socially awakward WRITER, because if I didn't have my inner world to escape into, I would have shrivelled up years ago. I've always been shy, but had friends, was comfortable in myself. Then when I started secondary school, all of a sudden, the person I was didn't seem to make sense anymore and I ended up very self-conscious, trying to live under a rock for four years. I became severely depressed, which didn't help things; I was so obviously freaky : ) When I went to uni (which in my fantasies was going to be the birth of me - new friends, new life, new experiences), in that first Fresher's Weekend, I had my first panic attack and basically, developed social anxiety so bad, I had to drop out. I'm better now - had CBT - which really helped, but it's a daily struggle, isn't it? If I'm in a particularly sensitive mood, I can't even go to the shops in case of public humiliation. And *phoning* to enquire about job vacancies - not there yet, mate. Sorry. At least I can 'talk' on forums now. Next challenge, virtual write-ins : (

Re: Socially awkward writers?

Lempicka — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 10:41:21 -0500

I'm not socially awkward, I'm socially inept, incompetent, useless, disasteriffic. The last time I had friends IRL was school. I've either been kicked off or left 90% of forums I've joined online. On the rare occasion I make a friend, it never lasts long. I'm half convinced that I'm turning into one of the Silence from Doctor Who - I'm not quite memory proof, but I'm close. It doesn't help that I always seem to end up living in the most remote places possible. I've never had a social life in my ... err, life.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

corporal34 — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 12:09:25 -0500

i too have social anxiety and am currently seeing a counsellor hopefully he cant me to at least cope better, my dream is to go to uni :D

Re: Socially awkward writers?

corporal34 — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 12:10:15 -0500

I'll be your friend lol, i'm difficult to get rid off!

Re: Socially awkward writers?

MuffinThePuffin — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 12:30:41 -0500

You don't know me so this might sound like random internet babbling, you are not useless.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

corporal34 — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 12:46:54 -0500

High five for random internet babbling (it's the best kind).Just because your having a hard time doesn't make you useless.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

MuffinThePuffin — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 17:34:04 -0500

The babbling leads to somehow dropped "but"s... I would swear I put a "but" where it is supposed to be... But high five back! Honestly, it's hard enough going through a hard time, no one should feel useless on top of that.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

Pliva — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 18:16:42 -0500

Oh man, agreed. I actually have a friend who refuses to believe I ever was quiet and I was like, "Don't you remember when we first met and I only said two words?" But then again he's the type of person who draws others out and we had a lot in common so maybe that initial quiet period was very short.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

Evening — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 20:27:29 -0500

*Raises hand* Whenever I go in chatrooms for NaNoWriMo, I always say very little. What I do say, I say way too late, because I spend too much time thinking about what to say and questioning what I type. Seems my inner editor is still getting his jollies off one way or another, even if he can't get his paws on my manuscript.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

munkiC munkiDU — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 21:19:42 -0500

There's not a cat in hells chance of me ever going to one of those meet up things, or any chatroom, for that matter. I wish I was more confident, but I'm just not. I've had friends, but never many, and never manage to keep in contact with them (I'm sure this has something to do with growing up an army brat.) I get too uncomfortable in front of strangers and never know how to act/what to say. I had basically the same experience as Jazz Coffee Love when it came to uni. I was too scared to even leave my room, and (add that to some severe homesickness) dropped out after the first year. Despite being in the familiar place of having all of zero friends, I refuse to go down without a fight. I'm hoping to get back into uni for next year (and learn from the mistakes of my past), and a good ol' spring clean of my life in general. I'd say it's been long overdue ^_^

Re: Socially awkward writers?

DeliciousAmbiguity — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 21:41:03 -0500

If I didn't know any better, I would have thought I was the one that wrote your post. My mom described me as 'a social butterfly' when I was younger (elementary school age). And then, during high school, I could have 3 hour long phone conversations with no problem. It's strange to think that, at 21, I've somehow ended up spending almost all of my time at home, my only conversations with family and one or two really close friends. Actually attending college classes was torture, ending with me applying for an online school instead. I know enough random facts to fill three books, but that's not really enough to keep a conversation going...at least not a coherent one. I wish I knew when exactly starting a conversation with someone became terrifying for me.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

Rivanariko — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 22:47:50 -0500

I tried to go to a meet-up last year. I showed up at Barnes and Nobles, located the writing group, and sat down on the other side of the cafe and stared at a wall for an hour while trying to talk myself into going over there. Then I went home.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

midwinter-mist — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 01:08:55 -0500

Socially awkward writer here! I like being around people, going out and getting to know people but I simply suck at it. I have acquaintances but very few good friends. I don't know what to say a lot of the time and everytime I say something stupid, I beat myself up for it or think about it for hours after. I think I avoid and fear emotional intimacy. Sigh.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

ms_erupt — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 02:52:12 -0500

Aw, this thread. I feel a lot of you, and I agree with those who've said that introversion and awkwardness are different animals but that you can be both all at the same time. As I've explained elsewhere, I am not shy but I am an introvert and so I really value my alone time. But, when I *do* interact with people, I'm a complete dork and a half. If anyone has every read Socially Awkward Penguin or seen the web series "Awkward Black Girl" - those pretty much describe my life. I'm the person that when I see someone in a hallway that I know but not every well I have the mental, "Do I say hello? Do I nod? Do I have to acknowledge them every time? I just want to walk and not have to stop to talk, is that so bad?" conversation in my head. I'm the person that grimaces every time someone tries to talk to me on the bus and jams my earphones in and opens a book just to be spared the discomfort of it all. I'm the person that will talk, at length, about my fandoms when given the smallest opening and not notice that the other person is uninterested or kind of sorry that they asked. I'm the person that, when I have to go to parties with my extended family and see them hugging each other, I don't know if I should hug them because maybe that's too intimate or maybe if I don't hug them they'll think I'm rude and should I get them a present for Christmas, and do I need to invite them to this party? It's not that I wish I was outgoing and had lots of friends or suffer from anxiety. I'm just terrible at navigating social interactions. I've gotten better, especially during college.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

Jazz.Coffee.Love — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 03:29:42 -0500

You don't know how many times I've done that! The funniest to me was when I took the bus to try to attend some poetry night at uni. The bus goes onto the uni campus then drives a loop and heads back into town. My bus stop came up...and I couldn't move. Just sat there, looking at all sides of the round culture building as the bus drove around it and back home : ) I cried for a while about that. Now it tickles me quite a bit : ) But I feel you, honestly. There's not a month that passes where I'm not doing this, somewhere. Walking up to the door ... and past it. Actually, as I think... last month was trying to go into a mobile phone shop. Open-fronted, you know. Walked right up to the entrance...and *swoop*, spin on heels, went to the bookshop two shops down : )

Re: Socially awkward writers?

pleonastication — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 04:53:25 -0500

I think we're twins. Seriously. When I'm in any kind of social interaction I always have to run through what I say in my head before I say it, making sure it's not ridiculously stupid. Then, of course, it sounds ridiculously stupid to me anyway.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

Natnie — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 07:36:11 -0500

Allow a particularly autobiographical scene from my novel to illustrate how I act around people: [quote]Samreen sat on an opposite bench, eating her lunch quietly. I sat next to her. 'Hey, we haven't talked much, have we?' I said. For once, and completely out of character, I was starting a conversation. I was so proud of myself. 'No, I guess we haven't,' replied Samreen. I smiled at her. 'Well I guess now's as good a time as any,' I said. I paused. What was I actually supposed to talk about when initiating a casual conversation? The awkward silence continued, and it became abundantly clear why I tended to avoid initiating conversation. Samreen smiled at me. I smiled nervously back. 'So yeah... small talk,' I said, scratching my head, 'I'm not very good at it.' 'Yeah... me neither!' said Samreen, and chuckled a little. We both sat in silence again for about 20 seconds - which felt like about 20 minutes - and I finally stood. 'Um. So, good chat.' I scurried over to Delilah and Florence who I knew how to talk to, and awaited verbal cues from them.[/quote]

Re: Socially awkward writers?

bettchan — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 11:03:00 -0500

I think it's a chicken-or-egg scenario: I'm definitely an introvert, but is it because I'm socially awkward? Or am I socially awkward because I'm an introvert? CONUNDRUM. I could blame it on any number of things (childhood isolation and home schooling for two), but really, I don't think it matters now. It is what it is, and though I'd like to become less socially awkward, it's just part of my "quirks." Having and holding a job is painfully awkward. "Do I do this? When do I do that? Should I ask? Will they think I'm stupid? ARGH!" Silly me, after a stint in retail, I picked a career that involves interacting with people one-on-one in a semi-professional manner: massage therapy. CRAP! I met a client who has Asperger's Syndrome. I did a lot of research on Asperger's and massage before her appointment. It was a good overview, but I needed to meet her face-to-face to learn how to work with her. Really, she just has "quirks" like everyone else. She doesn't seem that much different from my socially awkward self. (Which in turn makes me wonder if I fall somewhere along that spectrum.) It's just a label. Socially, I have two modes: quiet, polite and observant -- or crazy and irreverently silly. :D I usually start with the former and move towards the latter when I get comfortable with a person or situation (i.e. high school, massage school, etc). So, that's me. If I'm ever being irreverently silly or just plain odd, please forgive me. <3

Re: Socially awkward writers?

LenaLunacy — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 11:24:43 -0500

I'm the same, but I have anxiety and panic disorders. So I find it very hard to leave my own house and meet new people as it gives me panic attacks.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

neverender — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 11:45:10 -0500

[quote] Socially, I have two modes: quiet, polite and observant -- or crazy and irreverently silly. :D I usually start with the former and move towards the latter when I get comfortable with a person or situation [/quote] Oh man I totally feel you there! I love this topic, btw. I guess my problem is a bit unique though. While I was almost painfully shy and reclusive when I was younger I'm now very good at talking to people I've never met and winning them over. But it seems I'm still a little too reserved, or that I've missed a serious developmental step because while I rock at making ACQUAINTANCES...I have like, 3 friends? How does one go from being "that girl you talk to in class" or "that girl you hang out with at the gym" to "that girl you want to hang out with in other situations?" Ironically when I try to bridge the gap myself it's almost as if I'm coming on to strong... >< Lol, stupid social interaction.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

Writing_Ninja — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 13:23:12 -0500

I'm socially awkward. It's been something hard to deal with because I feel like no one understands me outside of my family. I've had about 9 roommates over the past couple of years and that made things worse. I was made fun of especially in front of everyone. Then to add things upon that, I lost my grandpa to cancer, my aunt committed suicide, I discovered I can't eat gluten and that I also have hypothyroid (Makes me tired, so it's hard to carry conversations). I found that many people my age that I've been around don't understand death or health issues. I constantly gotten flack. Granted, I didn't always sit there and take it, but I could have told them off more than what I did. I just didn't know what to do. It was all new and I never had roommates or lived with girls (I have brothers. I'm the only girl.) I found the girls to be very catty. And sometimes this generation seems pretty selfish too (Not calling anyone on here selfish.) No one talked to me when my aunt died. I was far away from home so I couldn't go home. My roommate sat in silence because she didn't want to say the wrong thing. I was alone. Being shy is hard, especially when you have the whole "Too tired to carry a conversation" health issues. But recognizing all of that, I'm trying to break out of my shyness/social anxiety and not blame the circumstances anymore. But I still have a deep desire to say "Screw you." to people and be alone because it's easier.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

mudpuppy — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 14:12:49 -0500

I have ADHD and social anxiety which are both treated with medication and therapy. Unfortunately, when you don't get treatment until you're 26, some of the "symptoms" gradually become personality traits, and treatment only gets you so far. Between the difficulty of meeting/interacting with new people, and my tendency to be impulsive [and thus, interrupt people, intrude on conversations where I shouldn't, say inappropriate things without thinking them through, etc], yeah, I'm one socially awkward puppy. I've found as I've gotten older that the traits that used to get me ostracized are now the very same traits that make me a fun friend. People my own age and older appreciate a little bit of silliness, and when it is accompanied by genuine interest and kindness, I find I have no difficulty making friends, if I can manage the first hurdle of being too afraid to speak.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

Silver Mouri — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 18:48:56 -0500

Don't get me wrong I am introverted but I am also socially awkward because of it. I don't interact with a lot of people so when I want to interact and be outgoing I don't know HOW to. I can't figure out how to approach people and interact with them. Like, right now, I am sitting in a room full of people at a club meet and while I want to interact and talk to everyone I don't know how to so I just sit and work on NANO instead.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

Anwaname — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 21:19:23 -0500

Hmm...socially awkward? That sounds about right. There seems to always be this internal gauge focused on the other person and I always end up freezing like a deer in the headlights. It's like my brain gets information, processes it to some slight degree, then comes up with all these possibilities and goes "does not compute." I can be very outgoing around people I know well. The few very good friends I have will tell you I can be absolutely insane. It's when I have to interact with those other people, especially when I have to make a good impression, that I have no idea what to do. I have come out of interviews about to collapse and anything beyond hello is too much handle in normal conversation. Family too. That is the worst social demand ever made in the history of the world. The strangest part is that here at college, I have ended up in several positions where I have to be outgoing. When it comes up, I am friendly and knowledgeable and in complete control. It's like there's this weird switch that flips as soon as I have to interact with complete strangers for just this one purpose, but it is always exhausting!

Re: Socially awkward writers?

Madilyn Quinn — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 23:19:28 -0500

Very socially awkward. I haven't had a close friend, besides my husband, in years. Half because I just flat out don't know how to act/what to say around them and half because I have this problem where I tend to befriend the people that end up screwing me over one way or another. The thing that makes the social ineptitude worse is that I have physical cues that I KNOW everyone notices and it makes me even more self-conscious and it builds and builds. Sweat out the wazoo. Fidgeting, can't make eye contact. Picking, picking. Even people I've known for years I have to warm myself up to every time I see them... I'm still awkward at some points with my husband. From years of this, it's brought on minor OCD and pretty severe depression. I'm struggling with this on my own because I can't afford Zoloft or whatever. I guess it's better. My dad's drugged up on Zoloft and he's like a freaking zombie. It is something I'm desperately working on because I have a daughter and I do not want her thinking how I act in social situations is how people should act. That would be horrible. Anyway, good luck all you other socially awkward writers!

Re: Socially awkward writers?

Kay Proctor — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 09:33:42 -0500

Same. My problem isn't having a conversation with people as much as it is STARTING one. As soon as there's a good topic going, I'm fine. I'm still the quietest one in the group, always, and I'm awkward in large groups because I feel forgotten. It probably doesn't help that I'm an ML this year, but it's something I'm working on.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

Eunoia — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 10:11:38 -0500

I know how you feel. I did that last year too, actually, I went to the write in place but I didn't even go in. I just walked past it and then stood opposite it and then walked around for a bit, went past it again, and then I gave up and went home.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

Eunoia — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 10:13:43 -0500

Done the bus thing too. There's a bus that goes from one uni's campus to another and I just stayed on it because I was too scared to press the stop button. So I just ended up staying on the bus full loop until it came to my bus stop again.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

matt_fishwick — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 18:33:41 -0500

[quote=bettchan]Socially, I have two modes: quiet, polite and observant -- or crazy and irreverently silly. :D I usually start with the former and move towards the latter when I get comfortable with a person or situation (i.e. high school, massage school, etc).[/quote] I was just going to read the posts on here and disappear (because I should be working on my novel that this time of night), but then I read the post from bettchan and thought, yeah that's exactly me. I'm alright in the online world because I can pretend that you are all magic gnomes or elves that live in my computer box and aren't really people at all. It's the real world that I struggle with when I come into contact with new people. Especially when it comes to work. I suppose that's why I use my real name on here, because it's a way of trying to be social. I haven't got one proper full personality figured out, so I'll be buggered if I'm going to bother to try and create one in the online world. My first job after university involved moving quite a way from home (looking back I really don't know how I managed it). I was terrified and really shy when I first started. I'd only see people at work during the day. The only other people I would see where my parents when I went home for the weekend, and my landlord when I was paying rent. There wasn't really anywhere to go after work (small town centre with everything shutting at 5.30 just as I'd finished work) except for bars, and I hate bars and drink booze very very rarely. Eventually I started talking to people and writing funny emails to just amuse myself or I felt I'd go crazy. Cut to several years later and the people at work couldn't believe that I say I'm a shy person, but that's only because they know me after 6 years of working there and forgetting what I was like when I started. November 1st, 2010 I went and started a new job and went immediately back to being a shy introvert. I'll be honest, I got ignored a lot during my year there. The low point came when I decided to count how many words I said aloud the working day. My record low was 9 words, but I'll bet that my average wasn't that much higher. No one cared, so I quit and on November 1st, 2011 started work for the company that I left in October 2010. And I switched to being "funny" again. Quite weird. I am still socially awkward, though I think I'm getting better at it. I credit NaNoWriMo with helping me with that. Starting NaNo in 2007, I just wrote my novel and posted a few times and nanomailed a fellow newbie writing buddy a few times. The next year I spent more time on the forums conversing with people (and my novel turned out terrible, but it could just be a coincidence). The year later I started to attend some write ins. The year after that, I decided to try something that I'd always wanted to try. Improv comedy. I loved watching Whose Line? (UK edition) when I was younger and always thought it'd be cool to have a go. So I found a place that taught it in Manchester and I was able to make several friends there, probably due to the common interest in comedy (and all of the people who I'm friends with there are all writers). This year I tried stand up comedy, but the less said about that, the better. It's a slow journey to my destination. I don't know what that is, or when I'll get there. I'm still "flirtarded" though (I've never heard of that before this thread, but it's a cool word). I've made plenty of mistakes in that department. I don't think that'll ever change. Despite all this I'm still really awkward in new situations with new people. It's really weird, I find that I my tollerance for things is like a lightswitch. I can stand things for a certain time and then click, I've had enough and I must leave. I went to a comedy writer festival last Monday, and the only people that I talked to at the networking event were the people that I already knew from improv class. I don't whether this post indicates that I have improved over time or that I'm still lacking in many areas. Either way, I'm sure that you magic computer pixies can figure it out. :) G'night, Matt. --- Like an anti-climax? Then you'll love http://ilovemattfishwick.com, or maybe you won't.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

meresta — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 19:11:27 -0500

I am actually in therapy. My psychologist says that I'll be enrolled for a social skills course after a few more sessions. As soon as I stop being scared of the other people there :P

Re: Socially awkward writers?

SavedbyGrace — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 22:15:12 -0500

Aye! I have many talents but don't pursue all of them to their fullest (which would help me with the friend thing) and ... okay embarrassing story here. I once forgot how to make friends. I was like, oh crap, there's no one to talk to or anything. So ... never mind. I just can't tell it. >.< But yeah. I'd love to be all talkative and crazy and crowd-loving; but as soon as a bunch of people come around I'd rather retreat to my room where it's quiet, I can breathe, and I don't feel like people are staring at me. People 'on the computer' in games and whatnot/vents have made me realize I DO have a crazy, fun-loving, random, loving side, but it doesn't come out in real life because nobody 'in real life' has much in common with me hobby-wise. I can sit for a bit and talk to someone about something; but they really know nothing about drawing, writing singing, GAMING, or even their favorite movies or, well, anything we'd have in common aside from the fact we've gone to the same church together for years. That kinda thing. And all the lovely judging ... I mean ... meh. I admit it. If the judging and peer pressure was gone (like on here! No judging I can ever find, only honest and sometimes slightly heated discussions); I don't think I'd have a problem. But 'here' there are too many expectations and too much judging and too much everything so all I ever wish to do is retreat to my room. I'd like my own bathroom, a small fridge, and a microwave. I'd be all good to go. There's also the thing when your parents make you go talk to someone, so instead of it happening naturally like you know it can/will, all you can think of when speaking to them is "I have to talk to you ..."

Re: Socially awkward writers?

sudeshnadas — Sat, 05 Nov 2011 00:33:58 -0500

I'm like the most socially awkward person I know of. And it gets extremely annoying at times. Although, ever since I started college, things have been looking up. But still, I have a feeling that I'm never gonna be able to get over it. :|

Re: Socially awkward writers?

meresta — Sat, 05 Nov 2011 00:46:21 -0500

The thing about college is, in my experience anyway, that you meet people who are also socially awkward, or at least outcasts in some way or form. It's a lot easier to escape prejudice in an environment of smart people :P Keep trying and stay positive!

Re: Socially awkward writers?

bettchan — Sat, 05 Nov 2011 20:09:59 -0500

Zoloft and I didn't get along -- it made my problems worse. And, in the end, I took myself off of it and never looked back. My poor son, he's two, and never gets to socialize. And when he does, he gets funny looks from kids his own age. D; I don't want him to have as hard a time making friends as I did...

Re: Socially awkward writers?

bettchan — Sat, 05 Nov 2011 20:13:27 -0500

Oh my gosh, I love Whose Line. :D Both the American and UK versions. Watching episodes on YouTube is a sure-fire way to cheer me up. I'm glad I said something -- I tend to disappear, too. You're right in that it's a slow journey to somewhere. I think we'll make it.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

branflakes — Sat, 05 Nov 2011 21:27:12 -0500

Oh man am I awkward! Lately I've been getting less "introverted" but I'm so awkward. I'm not nervous when I talk to people (except the girl I like at work), but I have a strange way to talking to people. I'm always like . . . excited when talking about anything. And I tend to run everything I saw together really fast and if I get really excited (I sound like an idiot saying this) saliva builds up in my mouth and I start to drool when talking. lol. Ugh. I'm a loser. LOL. And my conversations always either 1) die really fast because "hey, how are you?" Me: shrugs. "I don't know. Good. And you?" "I'm good." "Sweet." or 2) trail off into weird topics like the paranormal or weird movies or something, and the other person gets all "um...ok." A lot of the times my conversations do last a while, but then they always die really fast at a point and never restart or anything. All in all, I don't really talk to people. But when I do, I can't shut up. And I always smile when I talk like I'm really really happy to be talking or something. And sometimes I think I might be "annoyingly energetic" when I talk.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

harrowing — Sun, 06 Nov 2011 01:39:20 -0600

Oh yes, count me in.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

Haruka_Otaku — Sun, 06 Nov 2011 19:37:52 -0600

Thank you! Actually, the meeting was not bad, and I could give the impression of being a normal person. Or as strange as the others there (which is more or less the same thing). Luckily... I hope your kickoff has gone well, too!

Re: Socially awkward writers?

Angelica Weatherby — Sun, 06 Nov 2011 21:42:33 -0600

You are much like me to! Glad I am not the only one...

Re: Socially awkward writers?

stanism — Mon, 07 Nov 2011 13:02:18 -0600

Wow. Writers I can actually relate to. I've always had a very difficult time making friends. Recently, I went to my region's NaNoWriMo Kick-off Party, which was being held in a local cafe. I figured that I might actually have a chance to meet people here since everyone shared something in common. I showed up way early so that people would approach me instead of me showing up with people already there and try to awkwardly figure out a way to integrate myself with them. But when people finally started showing up, everyone ignored me. They sat two spaces over taking up about five tables. And yet no one even tried to talk to me. At this point, I was too embarrassed and shy to say anything to anyone else. I had my laptop with me and tried to make it obvious that I was there for NaNoWriMo by having the unmistakably recognizable website open half the time, and my novel open in a word document the other half of the time. And still, nothing. I sat there awkwardly by myself for about an hour while the 15-20 people who had showed up began to create budding friendships with each other with seemingly little effort before I decided to give up and go home.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

AllAnimeFreak — Mon, 07 Nov 2011 13:30:46 -0600

They told me I had Social Anxiety Disorder when I was 15. So I kinda have to be socially awkward. I'm really bad at doing simple social things, like calling and ordering a pizza, or going up to a customer service desk to ask for help. And jumping into a conversation with strangers, which might result in making friends? Oh goodness no. Most of my friends I have made either in school, where I was forced to interact socially, or on the internet. Which is where I met my fiance. :D When I do have to interact with people socially, like at work, I more often than not tend to either just clam completely up and turn red in the face (I've mostly beaten the panic attacks associated with it, so yay me, ) Or I get mildly defensive, and put on my smarthat, and come across as a complete know it all. My family doesn't understand it, as they are all the in your face kind of people that can talk to anybody about anything. My fiance is trying to help make me stronger, by forcing me to do things that I would normally try to get him to do for me. (Like talking to people in stores, and calling to ask questions about things, etc.) So yes, I am absolutely a socially awkward writer.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

notaghoststory — Mon, 07 Nov 2011 13:35:08 -0600

This broke my heart reading it. Kind of why I won't go to these meet-ups, I fear the same thing would happen to me.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

notaghoststory — Mon, 07 Nov 2011 13:36:43 -0600

I'm notaghoststory on Twitter. I do talk about writing and I totally 'get' the entire social awkwardness. If anyone out there wants to have someone new to talk to, and doesn't mind randomness, then you are more than welcome to add me.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

DarkAngel — Thu, 10 Nov 2011 08:25:41 -0600

I'm not particularly awkward, but I really struggle making friends. I can talk to anyone, get on with anyone, but when it comes to actually becoming friends, rather than acquaintances, it just doesn't happen. I just don't quite know how to take it that far, and no one else seems to be trying to get me as a friend either. It's like I exude a 'just think of me as the nice girl' vibe, and the 'let's be friends' part no one sees.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

Amon-Mugen — Thu, 10 Nov 2011 23:26:12 -0600

I'm at the stage where I can start conversations just fine, but it's continuing them that's the problem. I don't feel like I have anything to say, which I know means I should center the conversation on the other person, but it's only a matter of time before I run out of questions to ask and then they want to talk about me, and then I'll say something wrong - it's only a matter of time. I'm insecure and I'm morbid and I live in my head. They always find out eventually. I think I'm a little like Mr. Grimmer from Monster - every time somebody tells me something I have to ask myself what the appropriate reaction is, and I don't always get it right. And I'm always doubting and second-guessing every social interaction. I'll do fine as long as we stay aquaintances, but even then, eventually... something happens. I'll have a bad day and cry on them over nothing in particular. I'll say something I don't really mean. Or I'll say something that I do really mean, but it'll freak them out for some reason. In situations that include a lot of new people, I've caught myself clinging to familiar people for no other reason than they're familiar, even if I've only ever met them once or twice. I'm trying to teach myself to be more independant. I'm also really bad on the phone. If I'm going to call somebody, I need to have a plan and a script. If I get the answering machine unexpectedly, I have to hang up, regroup, script myself and call again. I hate it when I can't talk to people face-to-face. It's much easier if they call me, because then I can't get anxious about it - I just have to wing it. Doesn't mean I don't mess up. I wish I understood what was going on, but I can't afford a therapist. I've known there was something wrong with me since I was a little kid. I think it's why I can't seem to write normal characters.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

Miss_Nel — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 10:13:31 -0600

Socially awkward kitten, reporting for freudian slips!

Re: Socially awkward writers?

Dontknowdontcare — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 22:25:34 -0600

When I was really young I was a chatterbox, according to my parents, but then my little sister was born and I became quiet to the point where people were calling me Wednesday Adams. It sort of stuck with me and now I'm a big ball off oddities. I get along better with kids than adults, and I'm practically one myself. It doesn't help that I live on a tropical island and barely know anyone outside of the school where my mother works.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

JasmineAdero — Wed, 16 Nov 2011 11:07:29 -0600

That sounds like me all over. Same issues where your out going and everything, but at the same time you feel like you can't meet new people or you have a hard time starting a conversation, sometimes i force myself into it, just to get out of my shell.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

nemo.love_22 — Wed, 16 Nov 2011 17:41:27 -0600

I am usually pretty anti-social, but the one write-in that I have gone to, it went alright. I'm finding that I can actually relate to everyone who I've met, which makes it a bit easier, but usually I am also that person, who doesn't know how to start up a conversation, and worries about sounding stupid.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

JenWales — Thu, 17 Nov 2011 13:24:23 -0600

Me too. I used to be very shy. i either say too much or not enough. i am improving but find it hard to find things to say when i meet people for the first time im uesless

Re: Socially awkward writers?

XRoryX — Sat, 19 Nov 2011 01:13:44 -0600

I belong here and the introverted thread. I think I'm mostly socially awkward because I'm so incredibly shy. I figured I would have outgrown it by now. But I get really nervous when someone looks like they want to start a conversation with me because small talk is not my forte and I just know I'm going to make it awkward. Sometimes if people try to talk to me and I don't know what to say, I just say nothing, which I'm pretty sure makes me look terribly rude though I don't mean to be. Sometimes people just say stuff that is so hard to respond to. The world would be an easier place if we could just say whatever it was on our minds without having to wonder if it's the right/appropriate/considerate/politically correct/non-offensive answer. I'm even more awkward on the phone where I can't rely on a smile or shrug. I listened to a message I left once and it was painful. I make friends so much easier on the internet for some reason :)

Re: Socially awkward writers?

Vyctori — Sat, 19 Nov 2011 15:23:15 -0600

I used to be very social awkward, it was worse in high school and was pretty horrid even after that, but I've gotten much better ... though I have my hick ups.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

Eunoia — Sun, 20 Nov 2011 15:50:17 -0600

I'm sorry no one spoke to you. That really doesn't help when you have experiences like that. When I went to my first and only kick off party last year, a couple of people spoke to me but I was mostly ignored. I've always thought writing is a solitary thing anyway but I hate how I can't get into the NaNoWriMo spirit with other people in my region because of my social anxiety.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

Victoria Nonpraeda — Sun, 20 Nov 2011 17:43:50 -0600

Can I just say that so many of you sound like me? I have Asperger's syndrome and it isn't so much that I don't care about socializing, it's that I don't know how. I literally have no idea how to keep a conversation going with some people. I loathe small talk (what a waste of time!) and don't understand often when a question is rhetorical. I've also been told I'm too blunt, but I hate dissembling. I understand tact, but if someone doesn't deserve it, I'm not going to give it to them. I do, however, relate well to other writers. It's nice to talk to people who at least have something in common with me. I actually had a huge meltdown the other day that's been hard to recover from; I've only written about 450 words since then and am having a really hard time focusing. Blarg.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

nickybr38 — Wed, 23 Nov 2011 10:40:47 -0600

I think we need a thread for socially awkward but hopelessly outgoing writers... because that's me! I'm the most outgoing person I know. I approach complete strangers... I'm awkward, but people seem to either love me or run from me in fear all while I'm happily grinning and waving them on. I'm awkward because I don't follow a lot of the 'social' precepts. I treat every single human being like my best friend EVAH. *shrug* What can I say? I love the world? I help complete strangers do simple things like get into their car (if they're struggling) or pull something off a shelf taller then them, or fix their cellphone (which happens A LOT). If I see someone sitting alone in a coffee shop I approach them and ask if they'd like company. If I'm standing in line at a grocery store I engage the person beside me in conversation, even if I've never seen them before in my life. I mean, I just don't freaking care what's socially acceptable, I do what I feel like doing and this can be very awkward when the person I'm approaching doesn't want to be approached (although I'm pretty good at picking up when I'm not wanted and I back off then). :D Ah well! Whatever. I have fun!

Re: Socially awkward writers?

SummerDaniels — Sun, 27 Nov 2011 21:27:12 -0600

Here here. I am wayyyyy to quiet and when I do say something I agonize over saying it exactly right and usually end up saying something that is exactly wrong. I also have a tendency to always feel like I am in the way and always want to disappear into the background. Talking is painful for me and it shows.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

Sidoniehelena — Mon, 05 Dec 2011 10:52:53 -0600

I don't feel so alone in the socially awkward corner now! In real life I'm a mess, on the internet I'm okay. Interacting with people was never my strong point. I'm so anxious I couldn't even go to my local TGIO party!

Re: Socially awkward writers?

booksntea — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 23:50:30 -0600

I'm socially awkward! And that's why I am baffled that I have a job in consultative sales/customer service.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

Angryman — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 02:16:28 -0600

I am socially awkward, which is not helped by the fact I live so far away from people. And since I have so much alone time, I'm also slightly introverted. I went out drinking with some friends for New Year's, and I noticed how quiet and observant (well, before the booze kicked in) I was being. I hate being this way, but it's what I am.

Re: Socially awkward writers?

epguinn — Sun, 29 Jan 2012 19:34:16 -0600

I'm amazed how many other people have Social Anxiety Disorder. I'm prone to anxiety and panic attacks when meeting new people. Unfortunately, the very nature of the disorder makes you feel like you're the only one since it's hard to form a support group when no one in that group has any social skills. Four months ago, I was also diagnosed with Aspergers, also known as High Functioning Autism. So, basically, not only do I have anxiety about starting conversations and meeting new people, I never even developed the social skils to do so. For instance, I am terrible at reading expressions and sarcasm goes right over my head. (Irronically, I write a lot of humor, often using sarcasm myself. I just can't recognize it half the time when it's spoken aloud.)

Re: Socially awkward writers?

Chai Maya — Mon, 21 May 2012 02:00:10 -0500

I'm not actually that awkward most of the time - I have decent people skills. I just don't LIKE socializing much. I get lonely and want to go out and be a normal seventeen year old, and go to dance parties and make friends. Yet every time I am in a social situation, I get totally drained. People tire me out. I went to my first formal dance in February; I had fun with friends, I danced to my favorite songs, I met a cute guy in an awesome hat. I had a blast. And for at least two weeks after that, I stayed holed up at home, alone as much as humanly possible, just taking a breather and getting my peace and quiet back. The same thing happened after a relatively tame college party the next month. I CAN be around people very easily, and I can be a social butterfly; I just need time to emotionally recover from all the excitement. Thank goodness I'm a writer, which is conducive to being alone! I have a great excuse. :D