Characters you would most like to punch in the face
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Characters you would most like to punch in the face
They're out there messing up the protagonist's world and you hate them for it. Which characters have had you screaming into the pages in outright disgust or just plain indignation?
Re: Characters you would most like to punch in the face
The Mary Sues and Gary Stus in everything Stephanie Meyer craps out. If I could erase them from existence, I would in a heartbeat. They're underdeveloped as hell and...ugh. Twilight ruined vampires for me for a long time. I had to re-read and re-watch Hellsing (ALUCARD FTW...seriously, he would beat the crap out of Cullen.) numerous times to rediscover my love for the supernatural.
Dolores Umbridge is another one. Kudos to the person who said that. Until Cullen and the rest of Meyer's fucked-up fantasy gang, I'd never hated a character so much.
And stepping into the world of anime for a moment, Kurosaki Ichigo and Inoue Orihime. I'd been fine with Ichigo for a while despite being outrageously OP, but when he killed Ulquiorra with the mother of all dues ex machina moves, that did it. And Orihime. She is everything I hate about women in anime and in literature: a big-breasted bimbo, except she's a ginger, rather than a blond. She has no real purpose and I can't even begin to explain how badly disappointed I've been that she hasn't died where it would've been most appropriate.
Re: Characters you would most like to punch in the face
Dolores Umbridge. I have never screamed so much at a book as I have at Order of the Phoenix. I even ended up throwing my book across the room at one point.
Also, Holden Caulfield. Not an antagonist, I know, but I read Catcher in the Rye all the way through and just hated him by the end. I just couldn't stand his over dramatic whining. There must be something wrong with me because everyone I met just loves Holden. I don't know, man.
Re: Characters you would most like to punch in the face
I came in here to say Holden Caulfield! Seriously, he's so annoying.
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I feel like I should be your best friend just because I have never found anyone that agrees with me. Coming of age, my ass. Spoiled rotten little brat who takes everything for granted and thinks he's life is so tough. Hipster in training.
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I agree with you! I hate Holden Caulfield too! He's so whiny and annoying. Not to mention I hated that book...
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I'm a fourth on the Caulfield brat. I threw that book out a third story window and spent the entire assignment to read it wishing he'd commit suicide and that the rest would be a very, very detailed description of his funeral.
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SERIOUSLY!
I would've liked the book a little bit if it ended that way.
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huh... I always thought that was sort of the point of Holden Caulfield- that he was a generic annoying teenager who was just as silly and hypocritical as the adults he was criticizing. Definitely a punchable character though.
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I think it was the original purpose and I can appreciate that, but it seems so overdone. And maybe it's just me, but it also seems like other readers put Holden on a pedestal, like he's the epitome of teenage rebellion and insight and all that and they should all aspire to be like him.
Honestly, I couldn't even see the irony in the character because the entire book annoyed me as a whole.
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This is a big reason why I hate him, actually.
When our class finished the book I was thoroughly disgusted by what a jackass he was and yet everyone else had stars in their eyes. I was like, are you f---ing kidding me?
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REALLY! What a whiner! I can't either imagine how anyone could even like him, let alone idolize him!
Your life sucks because you got kicked out of boarding school? Go do something about it! Don't just get drunk and wander around complaining about it!
I had such high hopes too. I read it right after I quit high school (to homeschool), so I thought I'd really identify with it. WRONG.
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Well, I was planning on reading this book but now maybe I won't.
Also, I almost through the last Harry Potter book out a third story window, but then I realized that it was not mine and my friend would slaughter me if I did.
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Your post made me laugh so hard, that was my reaction exactly. Every time he would go on and on about how he should kill himself I was screaming at him in my head, "So stop whining and DO IT ALREADY"
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I don't remember this book at all... but if I remember correctly, I totally agree. XD
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Why do you all pick on Holden! I love him in a depressing and Russian sort of way.
Maybe because he reminds me of myself.
Wait that means you all hate me too? I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU PEOPLE quit hating on me! (and Holden!)
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I couldn't finish it because he annoyed me so much.
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I read Catcher in the Rye twice. The first time was in 9th grade when I was a 4.0 student, popular in the band, had friends etc, and while things were tough I was optimistic and essentially looked down on people with internal issues. Why didn't they just get off their asses and do something about it? He bugged the crap out of me, and I was constantly yelling at him in my head. Two years later, I read it again, and I cried. I WAS Holden. The things he said and did made perfect sense. I wanted to meet him over a glass of malt and talk to him about all the phonies of the world.
Haters gonna hate, but I'll say this: never again will I judge something I can't understand.
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I thought that was the point.
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Seconding the Umbridge, fo' sho.
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Both, pretty much word for word.
I also threw OotP across the room. LOL
No one else I run into seems to share the same burning hate I have for Holden Caulfield and Catcher in the Rye. I remember we were all hyped up to read it back in high school and I turned out to be the only one who wanted to reach into the book and straight up murder that moron.
Ah, just talking about this is making my blood effing boil. D<
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Umbridge annoyed me, but Harry was worse. I barely made it through the book. Maybe it's because I don't remember being an angsty teenager.
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Harry drove me nuts in the seventh book. It took me a long time to get through because the first half of the book, he was just obnoxious. But I s'pose wondering in the woods being hunted would make anyone cranky...
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When I saw the title of this thread, Holden was the first to come to mind. And HARRY too! From book 5 on I hated him so much. I guess it really is the whiny teenager problem.
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Always Holden Caulfield. Every moment of that book and every moment since. You are not alone, I share your fiery loathing.
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Joining the Holden Caulfield HATE club! Everyone's always all "Oh, Catcher in the Rye is so good, it's such a classic, everyone should read it, blah blah blah." Screw that. If I didn't respect books so much, I'd have burned the damn thing when I was done.
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This. Dolores Umbridge is, in my opinion, the most vile character ever written.
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I can't hate Dolores Umbridge. She was created to be hated, and I always find myself liking those out of sheer spite.
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I really, really, really like Bellatrix, but I hate Umbridge! :) I guess it's because Bellatrix at least is awesome in an evil, terrifying way, and Umbridge is just. Annoying!!!!
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Joffrey Lannister of A Song of Ice and Fire.
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I agree! Actually...every single Lannister except Tyrion. I love Tyrion.
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Tyrion is boss. :)
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So very much yes. Tyrion is fantastic, but I wanted to strangle darling Joffrey with his undropped testicles. The rest of them were nearly as bad.
Although Jaime did kind of turn out to be the sort of bastard I can't help liking for his audacity, damn him.
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I second that. Every time I got to a scene with him in it I just wanted someone to beat his face to a bloody pulp - good writing, ftw!
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100% agreed on Joffrey! Never before have I wanted to slap somebody so much!
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Oh god I hate that little shit.
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And Sansa. >_> Because everything she did and her naive view of the world while the rest is going to hell just... Someone needed to give her a good beating.
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Clare from The Time Traveler's Wife. Just... ergh. I wound up dropping the book on the ground and stomping on it, I was so frustrated with her.
...which, as it turns out, is a very unpopular opinion amongst my friends. Lolwhoops.
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No I felt that way too, all the characters in that book sort of bothered me there was a scene of perfection about the characters which I didn't line
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Does it HAVE to be a protagonist? Cause I'd love to punch Bella Swan in the face. Rose Tyler as well.
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Seconding Bella for sure.
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Rose? What about Donna? She ALMOST made me quit watching the series.
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Edward Cullen and Isabella Swan. Seriously, they get on my last nerve.
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Seconding Edward Cullen, because that is the only reasonable reaction to someone ripping the engine from his girlfriend's car. The. Only. One.
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Yeah, that car engine part scene had me biting my nails. Mark Oshiro (the Mark Reads guy) was right when he said that he honestly expected that car part to end up in her forehead. Frickin' creepy.
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I'd much rather call the police. Abusive jerkface.
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I third this! Edward is just a creepy, controlling, stalkerish freak. And Bella has about as much personality as the cardboard cutout I saw of her at the mall the other day. In fact, the cutout just may have more personality than the character.
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I would punch almost every character in Twilight right in the face. Twice.
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Word.
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YES
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How about just punching the author for subjecting the world to the Twilight series?
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The only one I wouldn't run over with a combine is Charlie.
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I agree with this one
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Thirding. How the hell did a nice, likable, reasonable man like that end up in that series?
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By accident. Books 2 and 3 werent supposed to happen. When an arc about Jacob was called for she used Charlie more for fluffing words than anything. It is mentioned in the New Moon interview on her blog, I believe. She also babbles she not anti-feminism she is anti-human.... Its odd and she gets creepy :/
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If this were an Authors you would most like to punch in the face forum, I would say Stephanie Meyer for ruining vampires for the next century or so.
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I would agree with that!! I would punch her for making vampires sparkly and whiney and I would totally punch Isabella Swan straight in the nose. And then kick her shins.
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I think she may have gotten her fairy tale creatures confused. I think she meant "fairy" not "vampire". Or better yet, mermaid.
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*cackle* That was about my reaction. My vampire novel I have been working on for eight years is now unsellable, because it has "good" vampires... and thus everyone is going to think Twilight. Ok, just because my vampires are on the humans' side doesn't mean they won't eat them the second they have a chance!
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A lot of people are having that problem now. My English prof couldn't publish anything because of her.
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Oh, I don't know about mermaid. The original mermaid legends were a lot closer to the sirens, after all. They had better teeth than Ms. Meyer's sparkly preteen-bait.
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And for trying to convince girls that the truest love is always with controlling abusive jerks. Who will still make you wait until marriage for sex.
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Oh, yeah. I forgot that part.
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My sis bought the first Twilight book and we have one use for it at our house: bug-squisher.
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Definitely Edward Cullen. In fact, that's how I describe the books to anyone who asks: I want to punch Edward Cullen in the face.
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Everything about Twilight ruined everything for me. I love vampire and werewolf folklore, and look what she did to that. Ugh.
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1. Dolores Umbridge:
I hated her sooooo much, that I just had to put the book down before I punched my sister (the closest person to me at the time) in the face... Turns out, she was feeling the exact same way.
2. Edward Cullen:
Vampires are supposed to suck blood, not... Uh, never mind.
3. Bella Swan.
The book didn't give the readers enough info on her personality... because she has none.
4. Emo dude from my main novel/ last year's NaNo.
Marian, I like you... But please, stop writing crappy love-poetry and referring to yourself as the Emperor of Evil. Oh, and comparing your life to an MCR song is NOT cute- would it kill you to smile, and lay off the vodka, for once? (His answers: yes, and oh, hell, yes... in that order!)
5. Bryan Bianchi, from The Perfect Cut:
All I know about you is that you cut yourself. That's all fine and well, except that you annoy me, have no personality, and are possibly the worst protagonist in a non-fantasy novel... Please tell your author that she half-assed it, and to do her research next time.
-
That's how I roll!
Peace,
El Veeb/I.O.
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Bella Swan and Edward Cullen take the cake for sure. I can't even get past a few pages of any of the Twilight books without screaming. As for Holden Caulfield, I understand him but I can just barely tolerate him. Maybe being a psych major has allowed me to retain some semblance of feeling for this sod.
Other noteworthy characters:
-Julien Sorel and Mathilde De La Mole from "Le Rouge et Noir". Bratty, overly entitled social climbers who love to manipulate the world around them
-Thenardier from "Les Miserables". He's a heartless crook who doesn't mind stealing from everyone, doesn't care when his wife and two of his kids are dead, has no qualms about selling off his youngest children, etc....the list goes on. And while we are also on the topic of "Les Miserables", Felix Tholomyes also should be mentioned. This guy pretty much abandoned Fantine and Cosette in Paris...and Cosette was hardly even two years old!
-Eustacia Vye from "Return of the Native". What a user. The other characters in this awful book aren't much better.
-Anna Wynne from "A Venetian Affair". Actually the trouble is that she really existed, AND really did mess up her daughter's life as well as the lives of several other people connected to her.
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Thenardier ftw. He was a huge jackass. I could barely even read the scene where he's basically stealing from Valjean.
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Bella Swan is the whiniest little biotch.
Umbridge.
Bellatrix Lestrange
Draco Malfoy (I wanted to punch him when he called Herm a mudblood!)
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Stupid-face Umbridge. It takes me two to three times longer to get through Order of the Phoenix when I read the series; I keep putting it down due to rage issues. *drops certain profanity terms* Ugh. Never hated a character that much. I even prefer Voldemort; at least he's *outright* evil.
Definitely chiming in on the Edward/Bella hate. Edward's a stalker, Bella's a whiner, and Jacob got character-raped halfway through so I can't even like him in the beginning parts of the series. The fact that ANY of these people are supposed to be looked up to is absolutely terrifying to me.
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Renesmee annoyed me WAY more than either Bella or Edward. Never thought I could hate a baby, but... she's the ultimate Mary Sue, imho-- perfectly beautiful, incredibly talented, with all the benefits of vampirism and none of the drawbacks, loved by everyone around her, selfless, smarter than adults even as a baby, etc. etc., plus the entire plot of Breaking Dawn part deux is basically Bad Guys wanting to destroy the obviously harmless Renesmee for no reason, then getting won over, as well.
Deep breath. Okay, other than the entire cast of Twilight, I wouldn't mind punching:
- Rachel White from Emily Giffin's Something Borrowed -- worst. friend. ever.
- Tess of the d'Urbervilles from Thomas Hardy's eponymous novel -- spent the first 54 chapters wanting to slap the fatalistic passivity out of this pure woman
- John Perkins in his autobiography Confessions of an Economic Hitman -- self-absorbed prick
- Jaenelle from Anne Bishop's Black Jewels series -- supposedly the lead FMC, but as far as I could tell the only thing Jaenelle did was get raped, and then sort of think people to death with powers that she did not work for and did nothing to deserve, apart from being born female and Witch. Tess of the d'Urbervilles in a world that was at least overflowing with sexy, plot-driving men. (Okay, maybe I'm just jealous that Daemon loved Jaenelle.)
This is getting long, so I'll stop. Looks like most of mine ARE the protagonists-- wish they would quit messing up the world of all the decent supporting characters :)
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Maybe that's why I never liked Renesmee. And the fact that her name sucks. I enjoyed the first three Twilight books when I read them (for some reason that I do not understand now), but I've always disliked Breaking Dawn.
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I always thought Renesmee sounded like a genital disease you needed a cream for.
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Tess? Meh. Angel, on the other hand, whoooo boy would I do lots and lots and lots of punching. I think he's one of my absolute most loathed characters of all time.
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I had to read Mini Shopaholic by Sophie Kinsella last year (I had to attempt reading it a few times before I finally forced myself to) and I wanted to strangle Becky Brandon. I hate shopping and I'm pretty stingy with money so I was expecting to hate the book, but this Becky character, oh dear, she has no sense at all. The plot is she's throwing a surprise party for her husband while a financial crisis is going on yet she still wants to splash out and stuff. Plus, she can't even look after her own daughter who she spoils. HATEHATEHATE.
There must be other characters but that's all I can think of right now.
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Oh, God, I remember reading one of the Shopaholic books and just wanting to throw it across the room. SO ANNOYING.
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I know! And there's a series?! HOW, IT'S SO ANNOYING.
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Egwene al'Vere from The Wheel of Time.
Seriously. She is the biggest bitch. Everyone else that came into power from their humble beginnings have been good about it but she's just living up to the reputation of her position. When the last book gets released I seriously hope some takes her down at least 10 pegs. She's NOT the most powerful person in the world (in more ways than one) and needs to be taught a god damned lesson. How can you be the only character that started out level headed and then went BACKWARDS through character development. Shits me off it does.
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second that!
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Make it almost every single female character from the series. I'm a female and feel really sorry for Rand being around so many nagging hags.
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Edward Cullen. Because, really.
Umbridge. I swear, my blood pressure went up with every little "hem-hem" she made.
Mr. Rochester. I was fine with him until it turned out he had his wife locked up in the attic.
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Mr. Rochester is bad. But I think Mrs. Reed is so much worse.
Oh and adding to previous list, a character I forgot:
Eragon. What an entitled, know-it-all, and DANGEROUS man. I lost all sympathy for him in the second book.
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I'm going to have to completely disagree with you on that one...
While I do think he was bratty in the beginning and he tended to try to do things he obviously couldn't for the sake of looking cool or impressing Arya, he's gotten a lot better. He now realises that he doesn't know everything and he probably never will, no matter how old he gets. He's developed a deeply ingrained appreciation for the value of life, which is something that most never achieve.
And of course he's dangerous, he's got a dragon that he never asked for. He's been FORCED to become dangerous, originally against his will. Now he's fighting for the sake of helping everyone because he actually CAN do something about it. That's much better than sitting back and letting it happen.
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I still can't quite forgive him for what happened to Elva. Poor child. Hope Paolini finds a way of fixing that issue.
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I can't believe I forgot about Mrs. Reed! That woman is horrible. >_<
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I don't have a problem with Mr. Rochester...I mean...you have to consider the time. His wife is clearly absolutely CRAZY, and divorce was out of the question. It was keep her locked up or, obviously, be murdered in his sleep...
Mrs. Reed should be shot, however. That woman disgusts me.
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Hilly Holbrook.
But I think Minny's 'terrible awful' was a much more appropriate and altogether satisfying punishment.
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Oh my gosh yes. I only saw the movie, but it was so good I want to read the book.
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Do it! It is excellent. I read the book first and was very pleased with the movie adaptation. Just the amazingness of her POV shifts alone...wow. And the way the voice changes when she switches from the maids to Skeeter. It's an incredible study in writing technique as well as an absolutely wonderful story.
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I recently downloaded a free book on my Kindle and badly wanted to smack the two main female characters heads together. Over and over again. They were so freakin' irritating!
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Cersei Lannister. Her POV annoys me to death and I just want Jaime to come and strangle her already. Or whatever. Stannis could give her to R'hllor.
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OMG I feel the same way too. If a book could become physical living being like in the movie "The pagemaster" I would punch the living daylights out of the 4th book.
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I've spent YEARS trying to remember what that movie was! I saw it when I was little, but no-one else would believe me it's real, or has heard of it!
THANK YOU!
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Welcome. I always have to bring up IMDB so people wont think I am crazy.
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I read the first Twilight novel and half of the second before I decided enough was enough. I'd never get back those eight hours. Fortunately, I was reading them at work (on breaks of course!) so my precious off hours weren't ruined. I loathe the Twilight series.
I can't think of any characters that haven't already been mentioned though I think I'm the only one who couldn't stand Harry Potter in the Order of the Phoenix. Umbridge was annoying, but she was supposed to be. She was perfectly loathsome.
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Oh no, I couldn't stand him either. I found him to be extremely annoying. And emo. "Why won't anyone tell me anything? Whine, complain, blah blah blah..."
He couldn't just sit down and think. "You know... They're keeping information from me because they don't want me to die. I think that's a good reason."
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I completely agree, I always have to struggle through most of the book. (It gets a bit better towards the end.) Maybe it’s because I never really was the angry teenager that I have a hard time associating with it, but I always feel like telling him to grow up and just deal with it.
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I agree. Harry was extremely annoying in the fifth book. After I got past the Umbridge hate, I started to find that Harry was just the epitome of angsty teenage brat. In some ways, it was perfect: he went through that phase. But to see him be more mature in the fourth book than the fifth was irritating.
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So. Many.
But Leesha from The Warded Man by Peter V Brett is probably the most recent ones I want to strangle to death. She's amazing at everything and everyone loves her, even the god-damn villain. It's infuriating. It's a shame, because other than that the series is fairly solid.
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Quentin Coldwater. I pretty much want to punch all of the main characters of The Magicians in the face. Snobby, whiney, and thoughtless bunch of brats, seriously.
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I liked Quentin for a while, but eventually grew to dislike him. Eliot was the main reason I got through that book, I loved him.