Depressed and demotivated: is it NaNo or unemployment?

I'm feeling really down at the moment & my writing is suffering for it. I missed out Sat - Mon because I didn't want to write a horrid bit. Wrote that on Tues. Did some yesterday. None today.

At the same time, I've been trying to organise some volunteering in a school before applying for teacher training. I'm not getting very far because the schools don't seem to be very interested, but I've spoken to the clearing house people & got some pointers. But the attitude from everyone else is that it's not worth doing anything about - apparently, schools don't like volunteers & don't encourage them. But that just doesn't make sense because it's a relatively new system that people applying for training have to have a recent school experience & the government wouldn't have brought the system in if there was no chance of achieving it because it would be a waste of time & resources. I feel like I'm being knocked back every time I try & yet teaching represents to me a salary more than I've ever earned before in a job that I can always fall back on with the type of people - children - that I enjoy working with.

I can't find any other jobs that I can apply for. Most of the jobs currently being advertised have some financial link & I can't work anywhere with a financial link any more because I got dismissed for having a debt-related CCJ. Which just sucks because my last 20 years experience has been in admin & often with a financial bent.

And to cap it all, no one - & I mean no one - is even the least bit interested in my writing. Every time I say anything about my novel outside of Nano, the whole attitude is that I'm just going through a phase & it doesn't mean anything & it's not a serious pursuit.

So I need to know - is the way I'm feeling triggered by Nano & everything else is getting on top of me or is it triggered by being unemployed & my efforts out of it & Nano is getting on top of me? Or am I just too sensitive? What do you think?

Sorry if I'm coming across as winey, but I really need a hug right now.

First of all, {hug}.

Second, it's not just you or over-sensitivity. Without getting into political discourse (which will devolve into arguments as always!) there are many reasons why things are rough all around for everyone, particularly on the employment front.

I personally have been unemployed nine years due to anxiety disorder. So I totally understand, having gone through every part of the unemployed lifestyle, seeking work/a career, wanting/needing a purpose, and having your desires be usurped by society- societal constructs, as I call them. I can't do my former career because the career- not the specific jobs- requires 7 days a week, 365 days a year, 10-24 hour days. I lost my 20s to working 100% of the time, and gained nothing from the experience (well, except ruined credit when an employer didn't pay me owed wages!) I've lost my 30's to unemployment.

I'm afraid I don't have a bright, happy or positive solution for you in terms of what you're going through... I myself am rather deep in a well of hopelessness at the moment. I think what I'd like to suggest is that you *must* take time for yourself each day, always, employed or not. In this particular instance, this month, if you're having fun (that's the key!) use your "you" time for writing your novel. And don't let yourself dwell on your other circumstances, responsibilities, or worries. That's the point of that "you" time. Because, you're going to have plenty of other time each day to focus on the rest of that stuff.

You *need* to give yourself a break from that stress, and the key is you'll only get that break if you let it all go, at least for a time, each day.

I hope this helps a bit! Hang in there, and best of luck to you in everything!


(P.S. Don't sweat the reaction from others regarding writing. It's a very difficult to achieve career/goal. People are always going to dismiss it. Hurdles are everywhere. But, walk into a bookstore. Is it not full of books? There are always going to be books written, and book sold. It's not a guarantee, but those other people who dismiss it so quickly aren't being "realistic"... they're just dismissing the concept of setting a high goal, because they themselves probably don't reach very high themselves.)

I would recommend talking to your local school district. I work as a substitute teacher and most schools I know are always grateful for volunteers. There is always more work to be done than employees to do it and doing volunteer work would give you a chance to see if teaching is really the career that you want. You might also looking into becoming a 'teacher's assistant' 'paraeducator' or 'educational assistant' with your local school district - a paid version of the things you'd be doing as a volunteer. These titles all mean the same thing but different districts use different titles.

I think you have a lot on your plate and continually running into 'No' will bring everyone down. In the grand scheme of things, your employment situation might be the bigger drag, but this is also week two of NaNo where usually the slump sets in. So I would say, probably both. Kudos to you to still get those 20000 words in, regardless of the circumstances.

Best wishes,

Scratch

On the topic of no one being interested in your writing: it's kind of hard to expect friends and family to bear that load, especially ones who aren't writers (or generally creative). There's a lot of pressure in that situation, and they likely don't want to be put in the position of either having to say they like your work or hurting your feelings. It's kind of lose-lose for everyone involved.

On the other hand, there's writing groups and classes literally everywhere. You need people who are in the same boat as you are: being a productive writer, and needing feedback on both your work and dealing with people who don't exactly get what you're doing. I've found that those two groups (the writing peers and the friends/family) don't overlap much. It just means that if there's a NaNo write-in or something similar in your area, you've got an opportunity to make some new friends that totally understand what you're going through.

Good luck!

I've found write-ins to be very supportive. Other writers understand second week slump etc. I did have one write-in that wasn't great--no one talked to me--but the other ones I've been to have been wonderful. Last years best write-in group turned into a once a week writing group for the rest of the year too. So it might be worth checking out. I hope it works out for you!

Hi everyone

I just wanted to come back here and thank you all for your help at what was a very difficult time for me - it's much appreciated.

I wanted & meant to come back before & I'm sorry I didn't. Unfortunately, just after the above conversation, I was diagnosed with a condition that, whilst not yet terminal, is going to change my life & I had to take time out - about 8 days - from NaNo to deal with that. Then I had to play catch-up & was writing around 5K a day, which was eating into my time.

Anyway, the good news is that hopefully it's been caught in time & the changes I've made to how I eat & the medications I'm taking will prevent it from stepping up to the terminal bit. More good news is that the school which looked hopeful came through for me & I'm half-way through my first (of two) week of volunteering & loving it & will be applying for teacher training in a couple of weeks time, which I'm very excited about. :-D I also discovered, in the course of trying to reduce my outgoings, that I had a savings plan left over from divorce that I didn't know about (or had forgotten about) & cashed it in & have now paid off another of my creditors, which only leaves two left! :-D Oh yeah - & I won my first Nano. :-D

So, whilst there are still no jobs out there for me, things are on the up & I feel a whole lot more positive as a result. I'm pleased to see a lot of purple bars on here - well done, everyone! :-D

Hepatica, I went through unemployment hell. Creativity goes out the window when you're worrying about how you're going to live and who to pay with what little money you've got. And without supportive family and friends that's even harder. I'm sorry that you're going through this, and I hope things get better for you.