Living on through your writing

For those writing with the goal of being published, do you ever think about whether your novel will leave any lasting impact after you are gone?

It's a morbid thought, but for me, I'll be thrilled if I get published before I die. I was recently diagnosed with cancer and found out this week that my chances of survival are incredibly low. My mom wants me to spend all of my time with my kids, but my brain keeps telling me to write and to leave something behind that way. I know my family is more important, but I dunno-- I've always wanted to be published and I may not have any more chances.

Does anyone else think about the long-term impact of their writing and whether it will really end up being published? And if it does, will it really impact anyone? Is what we do important? Share your thoughts.

I think what we do is important. Granted I know I will probably never write the 'Great American Novel', but if my story can help someone find an escape from their everyday stressful lives, then I know that I have accomplished something.

My mom died at the age 49 with stage 4 colon cancer. She worked construction until 6 months before her death. In that time she set out to paint pictures for everyone in the family that wanted one. She was a great artist, and even though her paintings have never graced the walls of an art museum or gallery they do adorn the walls of her family and friends.

I remember a few months after she had passed away someone who had one of her pictures from one of the many school raffles that we had, brought it to me. I cried and was so moved to have something to help me remember my mom. The picture is of a horse in a stall, it hangs in a place of honor on my living room wall.

So I would like to leave a legacy for my children, as she has done for hers. Even if I don't ever get published, hopefully one day my children will look at my stories and treasure it as much as I do that painting.

PS-When my mom was diagnosed they gave her 6-18 months. She survived for over 3 years. I wish you the best, and will keep you in my prayers.

I've never thought much about publishing anything that would wind up sticking around for decades or centuries. I actually don't think about publishing much at all, but when I do I would just hope some folks might enjoy it.

In terms of my family, I guess I would hope my family and friends might read over my stuff, see the characters and memories based on our experiences together, and hopefully know how much they were inspirations to me. I feel like a Hallmark movie saying that, but I mean it.

Nessa, I wish you the best too.

Nessa, if your kids are anything like mine, and most kids are, they'll want you to keep writing, for yourself, and with the knowledge they'll have something which meant something to you when they are older. Obviously you don't want to let the goal of it take over everything else in single-minded fashion.

My friend who died in April worked hard to finish a piece of writing that will be of lasting consequence to the people she helped over the years. Her sons are a little too young to understand the impact of it now. But both they and her work are her legacy. She affected me; I now have a long-range goal to help people in a certain way because of all I watched her go through and achieve during her illness.

You'll just keep loving each other. From what I've seen, the most important thing is to not be afraid to ask for help or counsel when you need assistance or direction.

Thanks everyone... I've been kinda discouraged the last few days. I've spent most of my time researching chemo and treatment options and my novel has been waaaaay on the back burner. I've been feeling like maybe I'm too far behind and I should just give up.

But now I feel like I want to keep trying. I won't push myself *too* hard, and it still seems a little unlikely that I'll catch up, but I'm going to try. And I'm going to keep working on my novel through my treatments until it is finished (because 50,000 will NOT be the end of this thing!). Many of my other hobbies and my job are not really options right now, so it's not really a lack of time. (though the last 2 days it really has been-- I've done nothing but research chemo options to get ready for my oncologist appt tomorrow.)

Okay-- I'm going to sit down for a solid 20 minutes and write. At least it's something!

I don't have any advice except something I recently read from Steve Jobs' 2005 Stanford University Commencement:

"Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure — these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart. "

Do what's important for you, not for what's important for other people. That is what will define you and your children will understand when they are older. You have no fear of being published, but only the fear of not being published before you're gone. So finish your book and get it published, even if you self-publish. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

I hope you'll be around much longer to see more than just that, though.

I am so sorry to hear about your diagnosis and i wish you and your family all the best. As for the importance of writing? I think it is an important thing.

The first time I decided to give up writing, I had come to the conclusion that wanting to be a writer was a selfish undertaking, that I was just indulging my own desires. I decided to go to school to become a teacher so that I could 'leave a legacy' and give back to the world.

It took me a couple of days teaching and I rediscovered how important literature, books and writing were. Stories are how we understand the world. Stories are how we understand people. Stories are how we understand difficult situations. Stories are how we understand ourselves.

You aren't being selfish in writing your novel. Writing can help you deal with your situation, motivate you to move forward, and explore the meaning of life itself. And leaving behind your work for your children means they will always have a part of you even when you aren't there.

good luck with writing and your health. my best thoughts are with you.

Nessa, the other thing I want to say is that maybe the group of us responding here should exchange email addresses or create a closed FaceBook group or something. I don't know any of the others but have read other thoughtful posts by them on this and other threads, and I imagine all of them, like me, would like to keep in touch with you after NaNo to cheer you on as you finish your book in the midst of everything else you have going on in your life. I think that maybe the NaNo site stays up for a while (I'm a NaNo first timer) and maybe we can quite easily stay in touch through this site. If you would find it helpful, I would love to do that.

I hope you have a nice holiday with your family.

Blessings, Nessa...
I think it would be a lovely legacy to leave your children,whether they understand it or not until they're older. I would hope that someone would get enjoyment out of something I've done creatively.

My writing has had to take a back seat to research the last few days. Chemo research. Ugh. I can't just go with the doctor's recommendations because I'm *special*. I have a genetic defect called Lynch Syndrome. It's a dominant genetic trait (got it from my dad, his mom, her dad, etc. and my brother's and kids have a 50% chance of having it also). It causes colon cancer (and about 10 other types of cancer) in the people with the gene.

But not only does it cause the cancer, it makes the cancer act differently. All they know is that the main drug that they used on it's own up until 2 years ago does NOT work. But worse than that, people with Lynch are actually less likely to die from their colon cancer than people who just randomly got cancer (no family history of the disease). If people with Lynch take that drug, they tend to die at the same or worse rates than the other people. But this drug is the only one doctors really use to treat colon cancer. They started adding other drugs to it 2 years ago and they *think* that by doing that they *might* improve the chances of it working for people with Lynch. Um, WHAT??? You have years of studies showing it's bad, but now you think adding other drugs and STILL GIVING THAT ONE WITH THEM might be better?? The added drugs *might* actually work, sure, but 2 years is NOT long enough to test whether it's taking away the increased chance of survival that my genetic mutation is supposed to afford me.

So, I., like any sane person who can read those studies, have decided that the crazy drug that has been proven to significantly shorten my chances of survival will not be given to me under any circumstances. Call me crazy.

There's another drug that HAS been proven quite effective in a lab setting, but the doctor doesn't want to use it because it's only 2 years into it's clinical trials. Um... same amount of time they've been "testing" (but not officially even!!) the new combo of the bad drug. Except this one has good results to back it up, and the other has bad results. Which would you chose?? And it's not a new drug-- it's actually the OLD standby chemo drug that they used to use for all cancers in the 60s and forward. They know it works. It's just that the other drug is more effective FOR PEOPLE WITHOUT LYNCH!

Or I could take my chances with no chemo at all. I'm also anaphylactically allergic to medical plastics (I have trouble breathing when you put an IV in me!) and to give most chemo, you need a plastic port inserted into your heart. The chances of me dying in the 6 months that this thing would be in me are actually HIGHER than the cancer killing me. They're sending me for allergy testing to find out exactly what is causing the reaction to see if they can get equipment made without it.

Also, here's where Lynch helps me again-- surgery alone is often enough to treat even stage 3 cancer-- it's just less likely to spread once you get the tumor out-- depending on which lymph nodes it has spread to (info was missing on the pathology report-- doctor is trying to find it for me), if they cut out enough of the lymph nodes past the ones with cancer, I should *technically* be okay even without chemo. It's kinda like a ladder-- it climbs rung to rung-- if you cut out a rung, the cancer can't climb past that spot. Lymph goes out from organs like a bunch of ladders-- I have 5 positive nodes-- if each was on the lowest rung, and they cut enough past it that there was at least one cancer free node removed on ever ladder, then I don't really *need* chemo. It's more like insurance. If they were all on one ladder, or 2 on one, 3 on the other, and they were the last one without any cancer-free ones past that point, then there's a strong likelihood that there are still lymph nodes in my body with cancer in them. In that case, I really DO need to do chemo. (Sorry if I horribly confused you)

My doctor wants me to start chemo the first week of Dec. No matter what happens, I will not be. Allergy testing can't be back in time, and even if I am going to do chemo, I'd like to enjoy Christmas with my kids. It's my choice. Everything is my choice. I might be reducing my chances if the lymph placement is really bad and I wait, but an extra 2 weeks really isn't much.


So anyway, there's my *excuse* on why I haven't been writing. BUT I have been researching next year's novel in the process, so it all works out. Kinda. My next appointment is Nov 30, so I have done all the thinking I really can on the matter and have to put it aside and write. Thinking about it too much more for the next 3 1/2 days won't help me at all. But writing might. That and my mom is gone now, so I feel more free to write.

3000+ words today. I can do it. I'll have to be like the little engine who could.

Talk about a catch 22! Sheesh. If you can make the doctors understand that you wanna put the chemo off until after Xmas, that would be a swell thing. It's much better to sing Yuletide carols, than technicolour yawn in front of the kidlets...jes sayin

More prayers from here...keep that research going...ya nevah know what you might come across.

Nessa, BEST OF LUCK!!! I know it might not sound like much, but sincerely, I'm sending all my well-wishes to you. Also, if it helps, I know of at least one lab (I used to work in Pathology for years) that is working on genetic mutations and their impact on how cancer cells live and multiply and die. In fact, the research they've been doing is helping them realize things about cancer in 'normal' cells that they never expected to learn! They learn new things every day and chances are, at least one thing they've learned will help!

Best wishes to you and your family!!!

I won!! Still need to finish the story, but I got the words!

I really do want to have a copy of this for my kids to read some day. I think they'll enjoy the story. Plus, the prince has my son's middle name-- how could he not love that?

Hi Nessa. I've been watching this forum all month, and I want to commend you and your efforts. Every time I read what you wrote I had to stop and evaluate my own life, and to make sure what I was doing worth it in the long run.

I'm truly sorry for what you have been through, and amazed at the strength you have found to pull through this far. I am sending a prayer to whatever power there is out there that we will see you next year.

Nessa, it's funny how the writer in me cannot find the words to express how I feel about your diagnosis. It sounds like you've had a mixed bag of positive and negative information come your way; I can't imagine how you'd begin to sort through it. So I'm sending out intentions and prayers to the Universe to send you the guidance you'll need in the days ahead, to make the most beneficial choices and receive the healing you need. I, too, hope to see you around these parts next year and beyond.

Not to be morbid... but you might want to consider a memoir of stories from your life, written for your children. The questions I didn't ask my parents that I wish I had–silly things like what was your favorite toy, what did you think you'd be when you grew up, do you remember your best/worst Christmas/birthday, what do you remember about your grandparents or first crush, how did you get through the Great Depression and what did it feel like, and so on—I didn't think to ask until it was too late. They didn't offer the information; we just take it for granted little details aren't of importance. They are, when they're gone, because they fill in the picture you try to hold onto.

That said, my mother was diagnosed with stage IV breast cancer when she was 30, in the early 1950s. They gave her very low odds for surviving the radical mastectomy, let alone IF she survived the surgery, maybe surviving five years.

She lived to be 86.