[Fantasy] Requests for Readers

Dragonchilde — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 05:24:54 +0000

Please use this thread to find a reader for your novel! When posting, please remember to use the Template as listed in the sticky thread at the top of this forum! PLEASE read the guidelines before posting... not reading the guidelines results in unnecessary questions and the possibility your request will be ignored. Please use the preview option when posting. At this time, there is no ability to edit, so what you post WILL stay as is. Post your request here for your readers. It does not have to be for the novel you wrote for National Novel Writing Month. (If you are interested in something posted here DO NOT respond in this thread, send the poster a NaNoMail.) Do NOT contact someone about reading their novel if you have no intention of providing feedback. Copy and Paste Template: Title: Length, Draft and Language: Brief Summary (not more than 300 words) Sub Genre & Keywords: Known Issues: Critique Requested: Critique Tolerance: Experience & Goals: Method of Communication: Anything else? Disclaimers?

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

shockvaluecola — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 07:31:30 +0000

Title: The Ballad of Mercy Kill Length, Draft and Language: about 74k words, second draft (sortof -- first draft with some broad strokes edits really), English Brief Summary (not more than 300 words): Joy Stratford is a witch, a werewolf, and a cage fighter who drinks whiskey like it's water and hates your guts. Yes, you, personally. Alex Bonheur is a nephilim, a hunter, and a quintessential bad boy -- he stole his motorcycle from a fae and would like to tell you how awesome that is. The first time Joy climbs on his bike, he thinks she's just another one night stand, but he finds himself drawn in by her baffling mix of innocence and cynicism. Hijinks and hilarity ensues. Sub Genre & Keywords: urban fantasy; werewolves, witches, nephilim, lycanthropy, fighting, relationship, romance, family relationship, scars, dead parents, motorcycle, bad boy Known Issues: Joy needs to smell things more and Alex needs to establish as more of a cocky bastard. There's more, but I can't really describe them without spoiling and I'm sure most people would rather read ;) Critique Requested: Does it hold together? Is it actually good? How can it be better? Are there any mechanical/grammar errors? Is it fairly consistent? Overall aimed at getting it ready for publication. Critique Tolerance: Well, don't be super harsh. I definitely want honesty, but...well, feel free to sugar-coat if you can still get the picture across, lol. Critique me, but just be gentle. And tell me the good stuff so I know what to do more of! Experience & Goals: This is the fourth book I've written. The goal is to edit and be ready to query agents by Christmas. Method of Communication: AIM and email both work, nanomail me for the addresses :) Anything else? Disclaimers? There is a lot of swearing and some violence and sexuality. This would probably be a high PG13 if it were a movie. I can give a more specific description of content by nanomail if you have concerns.

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

HM-Marable — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 12:54:39 +0000

Title: To the Best of my skill and knowledge Length, Draft and Language: 15k first draft, English Brief Summary (not more than 300 words): Nat Westside is the best Guardian in his Barracks. No question. So tracking down a conman should be easy. He is pretty sure he can do it with his eyes closed, whilst imultaneously persuading his partner to just wear his cloak already so the boss doesn't explode before he gives hs important speech. But this particular con man knows more about Nat that anyone else, and will bring to the surface issues he has been mostly successful in ignoring. Sub Genre & Keywords: Psuedo police force? Case!fic Alternate POVs Flashbacks Known Issues: I know the magic system is hideously vage, and its possible my characters have unintentional multiple personalities. Critique Requested: This short story is a kicking off/background point for my NaNovel, and I would love feedback on how coherent the world and characters are, before I begin revision work on the actual thing. Critique Tolerance: I can take anything you will throw at me. I would love constructive feedback however harsh it may seem. Experience & Goals: I've never finished anything of length before, and I just want some feedback so I can work on tackling my full length novel Method of Communication: Nanomail, then email? Anything else? Disclaimers? moderate violence and swearing, mentions of child murder/ abuse Would appreciate feedback by end of January

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

NikoleStorm — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 14:36:56 +0000

Title:Betrayal Length, Draft and Language: 51k, First draft (but with a few edits), English. Brief Summary (not more than 300 words)Seventeen year old Nikole Smith’s life has been an unstable mess constantly moving from town to town, that is until she arrives in the small town of Ripley, West Virginia. Just when she and her father start settling down she starts to notice strange things. While running from creatures she would have never thought existed she continues crossing paths with a mysterious handsome gypsy who seems to know dark secrets of her family’s past. All the while she’s oblivious to the fact that a grim future lies ahead for her and those around her. Sub Genre & Keywords:Teen, gypsies, lycans, vampires, relationships. Known Issues: I know I have difficulty with my POV. There is definitely more but I can't think of it at the moment. Critique Requested: Constructive criticism, Is it good? Is it consistent? Does it hold together? Are there any grammatical errors? Spelling? Critique Tolerance: I want honesty. Just don't be mean or rude about it. Experience & Goals: This is my first novel finished. I have two more in the works and several ideas which I hope to get finished soon. My goal is to eventually publish Betrayal, and it's sequel. Method of Communication: Nanomail or email. Anything else? Disclaimers? There is violence and slight innuendo. No cussing though.

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

Mutive — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 19:31:46 +0000

Title: The Gloryus Adventures of King Bryant, Sekrit Genius Length, Draft and Language: Around 72,000 words. You'll probably get it in 3rd or 4th draft stage (several months from now, I'd guess). Language is English. And mature. Brief Summary (not more than 300 words): King Bryant is such a kind and magnanimous ruler that he completely fails to notice the Machievellian politics at his court. Instead he uses his godly charms and magnificent heroism to defeat evil monsters and save beautiful maidens. Sure, his wife isn’t always so pleased about what tends to happen after he’s saved the damsels in distress, and his advisors warn him that fighting in the front lines of battle can be rather dangerous. But Bryant won’t let those of lesser birth keep him from his noble destiny. Sub Genre & Keywords: Humor, parody, satire Known Issues: Probably all sorts. If I know the issue is there, though, I will correct it prior to sending it off to you. I try to be polite. Critique Requested: As thorough as you can make it. I figure that there are going to be entire chunks that need to be re-written and cut. Critique Tolerance: As hard as you want without entering the world of personal insults. I'd prefer not to be called names, but who really does that? Otherwise, let it fly. This is about making the story better. Experience & Goals: I've been writing for something like...oh, I have no clue. Forever. I've been writing "seriously" (as in critique groups, publishing stuff from time to time) for around 15 off and on. I've written something like 6 novels so far, and had an agent represent two. I would like to clean this up to where I can publish it. Method of Communication: PM me through the system, and I'll shoot you my email address. After that, email is probably best, but I'm not picky. Anything else? Disclaimers? This is definitely a mature story, particularly along the lines of sex. If that's not your thing, please don't volunteer. (Although I'm also working on a YA/horror manuscript, which is somewhat tamer, if you want to try that one.) Also, I will gladly swap manuscripts, but I'd like to read the first 20 pages or so before fully committing to the exchange. (i.e. if we decide we can't work together after 20 pages, I really want to be able to stop without feeling like a twit. It's entirely possible that you'll hate my story or method of critiquing or vice versa, and if either of us thinks this is useless, I don't want to feel like we're both yoked together.)

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

BloodRoseAngel — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 21:39:50 +0000

Title: Breakwater Length, Draft and Language: 170k (yeah, you're in for a long haul with this one XD If you want, you can ask to read the first few chapters or something and then let me know if you want to go on or not XD) It's in first draft stage, but with a few corrections and edits. English. Brief Summary (not more than 300 words) Saralynne Redfern is the daughter of one of the most influential families in the city of Crysta, trading capital of the empire. Ikurei Riteth was once heir to the throne of one of the most powerful mer clans in the Teriinen Sea. When Ikurei is captured by humans and accidentally delivered to the Redferns' storage company, their fates become inextricably entwined, and Saralynne and everyone she knows are soon involved in a desperate race against time. The Mythralian monarchy are determined to push through a law to outlaw all non-human races from the empire, and are currently in fierce negotiations with the isolated Malenshian race to prevent trade lines from collapsing, and Saralynne’s family have become inadvertently involved; at the same time, the mers have issued a warning that if the humans’ captives are not released, they will wage war on the human empire. The fates of two worlds are about to collide with devastating consequences. Sub Genre & Keywords: high fantasy, some hints of steampunk - humans, merpeople, underlying romance Known Issues: I know that I haven't gone in-depth enough with the different races, such as the backgrounds of the Malenshians and the mers. :) Critique Requested: I'd like mostly advice on how well the story fits together, how well it's ordered, what I could add in/take out, and what you think could be improved about the characters. You can point out wording or grammar issues that don't work though, I'm pretty sure I have a few of those in there ;) Critique Tolerance: Be honest, but please not rude or overly harsh. :) Experience & Goals: I've been writing... well... forever. XD My series 'Cursed Legacy' has been written and rewritten over and over for nine years. Yes, nine years. =_= Breakwater is the first novel I've written with very little planning and in such a short space of time. I'm hoping to publish Breakwater as my first novel when it's been rewritten. Method of Communication: Email would probably be best, let me know and I'll give you my email address. Either that or NaNomail. Anything else? Disclaimers? Umm. There's some very mild swearing, some violence, and a M/M relationship on the sidelines in case you're not into that kind of thing, but no sex or anything, just mentions of the relationships in the story. :)

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

Lupana Ridae — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 00:37:27 +0000

Title: The Laminar Chronicles Length, Draft and Language: about 23k, currently on the 3rd draft, English Brief Summary (not more than 300 words): Teenagers Annabelle and Lewis are best friends with bad homelives. With parents that don't care about them, they comfort each other and wish for better days. They get their wish when they wake up one day in a strange new land that owes its life to a special race of fireflies. While trying to figure out how they got there and how to get home, they meet a pack of wolves, who tell them of a great danger that threatens the life of every living thing in the land. Only Annabelle and Lewis can help save this wonderful land and protect the mysterious fireflies that live there. Sub Genre & Keywords: Young adult, adventure, sci-fi (the fireflies are a bit sci-fy when explained fully), wolves, teens Known Issues: I'm not the best at grammar, and this current draft is still in-progress. I've also been told that I need to be more descriptive in places. Critique Requested: I'm looking for someone to correct a few basic grammatical errors, sentence structure, character depth, and general plot originalty as well as overall smoothness, if that makes sense. Critique Tolerance: I want honest feedback. I'd love if it you said it was "the best novel ever", but if it's not then don't tell me lies. Be honest but kind about it and we will get along fine. If you think it doesn't have potential, then just say so :-) Experience & Goals: I've been writing seriously for about three years now, but have written a few small things since I was a child. As far as goals go, I'd love to be published someday, but first I just want to write for the joy of it. Method of Communication: Nanomail or email. But I won't list my email here. Anything else? Disclaimers? Mmm, not that I can think of.

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

Evangeline Crow — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 01:32:27 +0000

Title: Letters to a Rootbeer Flavored Moon Length, Draft and Language: 121 singlespace Cambria pages (52K), First Draft, English Brief Summary: Copper and Coriolis are two very different young men. Copper lives in West Avalon, a coastal Californian town known for its tolerance and general artsy feel, and Coriolis lives in Atlantis, the lost city known for being a strict, well-oiled machine. Copper is faced with the problem of his boyfriend dumping him, his sister and best friend getting pregnant, and his family slowly crumbling, while Coriolis is faced with the terrors of coming out as homosexual in a world where everyone is obsessed with reproduction, and with a deep-seated hatred of his family and the government. Still, when they start sending letters back and forth, a whole new world opens up. Sub Genre & Keywords: LGBTQ, Urban Fantasy, Romance undertones Known Issues: The plot jumps/skips a lot, and has no real coherence and little draw and the characters (*looks at Copper*) are ridiculously flat. Critique Requested: I'm looking for general help with plot coherence and intrigue, continuity, and character depth. Critique Tolerance: I can take whatever you have. Experience & Goals: This is my first novel, though I'm a creative writer at an arts school, and had to audition to get in, so I'd say my experience is rather high. I'd like to publish or something of the like. Method of Communication: NaNoMail or email. evangelinecrow@gmail.com Anything else? Disclaimers? Not really~

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

ohsostarryeyed — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 01:32:49 +0000

Title: Luca Length, Draft and Language: 13K, first draft with some edits, English Brief Summary: In the blood-red glow of a lunar eclipse, a she-wolf is about to give birth. The three pups that follow will have many struggles ahead of them, including the harsh conditions of their first winter. However, something more threatening than snow and wind stalks this pack – a lone wolf with a coat as dark as night is rumored to be traveling in the area. An exile from his former pack, this newcomer will shake this small family to it’s very core and unleash a terror more frightening than any legend. The story follows Luca, a white she-wolf with a craving for adventure, as she grows from a pup to a young wolf. Throughout the course of the novel, she leaves her pack with a dangerous and mysterious lone black wolf. As they travel together, the two wolves realize that they play a part in an ancient prophecy, a prophecy that is vital to the very survival of the forest. Known Issues: There are two chapters that are "unfinished" Critique Requested: Is the plot too boring in this part of the novel? Does the beginning hook you enough? Are my characters defined and well-developed? Critique Tolerance: I can take any sort of criticism. I prefer tough, in-depth critiques. Experience & Goals: I've been writing and editing novels since fourth grade, so I've had an immense amount of experience. (: I hope to make this novel publishable in the future. Method of Communication: NaNoMail me for my email.

Re: [Fantasy] Night Sky

WASampson — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 02:51:48 +0000

Title: Night Sky Length, Draft and Language: About 10 pages (less than 5k words), first draft in this form, English Brief Summary (not more than 300 words) Yuugin is tossed into battle between Night and Day to fulfill her destiny of becoming the hero of the Night Sky. But destiny should be what you make of it yourself, not what is written in the stars. Even with the pressure the Stars have put on all three of these chosen ones, humans were never meant to take part of this battle anyway. Subgenres & Keywords: Prophecy/Chosen One Low magic Swords Known Issues: I have issues with Show don't Tell. I'm uncomfortable with the chronological order as well. There's also some awkward dialogue. Critique Requested: In it's first form, it was three full length novels. It's less than 5k words, but does it still feel complete, even as a short story. I've had trusted friends read it, but they've been aware on how it all works since the beginning. Critique Tolerance: Be like my cool English teachers. Point out everything that stands out, what makes it good, what makes it bad, and how to fix it. Experience & Goals: I'm no professional, I'll tell you that. I've written other things, but nothing I've taken seriously before. This story I've been writing and rewriting for almost 6 years, and I really want to just finally have a product that I would like to send out for publication. Method of Communication: NaNo Mail, but will email if preferred. Anything else? Disclaimers? There's some strong language in it. It's also one of those things that need to be fixed.

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

KingRaven — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 04:52:32 +0000

Title - Remember Length, Draft and Language - about 50K words (156 Microsoft Word Pages), First Draft with a few edits, English (With a little but of Cajun accent) Brief Summary - Prosper knows who and what he is, heir of an aincient wizard, last of that family, hunted by a centuries old being, bent on the total annihilation of said family... Or is he? Plagued by strange nightmares, Prosper learns that not everything is as it seems. Sub Genre & Keywords - Brothers, magic(ish), ages long family feuds... Known Issues - It's kind of a complicated story... Tell me if it's too complicated though. (And by complicated, I mean, 'What just happened, I thought the story was going this way?' and 'What happened to ____ ____?' Kind of complicated.) Critique Requested - Um, everything? Characters, Plot, Continuity... Anything that you think needs work! Critique Tolerance - Please, tell me what you honestly think. But would you be so kind as to say what you liked as well. Experience & Goals - This is my first novel and I would like to know how it did. Method of Communication - Email would be preferable. Disclaimers: A little bit of torture and bloodshed. Not much, but 'horribly realistic' in the words of my sister. You be the judge of that though.

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

Lala Land — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 08:02:48 +0000

Title: A Heaven In Hell Length, Draft and Language: 53k, soon to be more Brief Summary (not more than 300 words): The war has never changed. Until recently, with more Larek roaming the night, more than there has ever been since the First Battle. Now Elan, warriors from Amary, have to rid the Earth of the dark threat. And whispers brew of a foe of old that has returned to tip the scales of the war, and threaten the protected gates of Amary itself. However, there are darker tales abound, when an Elan warrior saves the life of a Larek. When hidden truths are revealed. When phantoms long hidden away emerge once more. The war will never be the same again. Sub Genre & Keywords: fight scenes, romance, secrets, lies, monsters, loss, loyalty Known Issues: For this story, it has to be pacing and tone. I want to know if the way the story progresses is alright, or if the tone of the scene stays constant. Critique Requested: Mostly on character development. That is a big one for me. Critique Tolerance: Just lay it on me! I can handle it!.... Just be gentle with your words please? >.< Experience & Goals: I have been writing FOREVER, and this is a the first book of a series I have worked on for five years. Method of Communication: E-mail or Nanomail, whatever floats your boat. Anything else? Disclaimers?: Oh, and there are a couple of sex scenes, but I don't go into detail of it, otherwise I would be in the romance section. Teehee! ;P

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

jordan.williams42 — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 09:36:48 +0000

Title: Swords and Thrones: The Legend of King Darlo Length, Draft and Language: 51,604 words, 1st draft, english Brief Summary (not more than 300 words) : An old wizard travels to a country where he finds out the king is a ruthless man. So he plans to replace him with someone else. This is the story of how he goes about doing this and what happens afterwards. It is a prequel to a trilogy that I have written. Sub Genre & Keywords: Fantasy, adventure, royalty, magic, humour. Known Issues: I think at some points it isn't clear who's talking, I will sort that out when I edit it at a later date. Critique Requested: I know I'm rubbish with grammar so a few points on that would be useful. I would also like to know if the story was interesting, made sence, etc. Critique Tolerance: Please be as brutal as possible, as long as you're constructive about it. I very rarely get people to critique my work so i'd like as much feedback as possible. Experience & Goals: May look to get this published but I'm not sure. This is the longest thing I've written, but I have also written the trilogy that come after it. I have lots of ideas though but never see them through. Method of Communication: Nanomail and email is good with me. Anything else? Disclaimers?: Bit of violence here and there.

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

Kittypetro — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 10:54:15 +0000

Title: A tale of two sisters Length, Draft and Language: 50004 words 1st draft English Brief Summary Liz and Rawen are twins, living on the streets. Liz wishes for a life among the queen's knights, while Rawen only want her sister at her side One day the twins see something they are not supposed to see, and Liz get's killed. As she holds her dying sister in her arms, Rawen promises to avenge her, no matter the cost Follow Rawen's story, as she takes on a life she never really wanted, in order to keep a promise to her sister, and to bring justice to her city Sub Genre & Keywords: Fantasy, adventure, some action and humor Known Issues: My shift key stopped working a few days into november, so I have next to no anotations in the document wich sometimes makes it hard to know if someone is speaking or thinking Critique Requested: I know that I sometimes drag things out in some scenes and sometimes I just follow the red line with little to none action outside the main storyline, if I can get any pointers like, here you could have your character do that, and here this could have been in the background and so on Critique Tolerance: as long as the critique is going to help me become a better writer I can handle mostly anything Experience & Goals: This is basically a prequel to another bigger story I am thinking of writing later, I just want to see how it holds up Method of Communication: email, send a note with the subject NaNo to petrogal@online.no Anything else? Disclaimers? For some reason I have this thing about making female characters... I think there is about 5 boys in the entire story, I dont know how it happened that way. Other than that I think I'm in the clear... will be some bloodshed here and there, and a small hint of serious injury to a characters eye.

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

ihazabeard — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 11:13:21 +0000

Title: The Misadventures of Mordecai le Vogel Length, Draft and Language: About 50k, 1st draft, in English Brief Summary (not more than 300 words): A species of humanoid canine just "forget" how to love and at once an entire race is thrown into disrepair. Mordecai le Vogel is sent to investigate when out of the blue, another of his kind who he has never met before shows up claiming he just wants to help. The maid is more than she appears and a large troll suffers a mental breakdown and wants to kill everything he comes across. Sorry my summarising skills are so bad :/ Sub Genre & Keywords: Fantasy, adventure, animals, love, humour Known Issues: There is probably a good scattering of plot holes and some of my characters motivations for doing things might not be clear etc Critique Requested: I want to know how bad it is, how I can improve, if my characters are believable and/or likeable and if I am melodramatic in places as I tend to be. Please tell me if I go overboard etc Critique Tolerance: Anything at all that is constructive and will help me :) Experience & Goals: I've written all my life but never a full-length novel sized book. I would just love to get this story good enough to show to other people and maybe think about getting it published one day Method of Communication: Send me a NaNoMail Anything else? Disclaimers? Possible self-harm triggers but nothing too bad. No descriptions of it happening or anything, just one of the characters noticing scars etc. And (I hope) it's a bit emotional in places, one or two of the characters are fairly complex (again, I hope) and my 2nd MMC has been through so much bless him :'3

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

Cat McD — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 12:58:23 +0000

Title Dragon Blooded Length, Draft and Language 56k, Draft 1, English Brief Summary In order to save her clan, Jin-Yu joins the elite military organization and finds a family. She doesn't trust them, they don't know her. Can she and they come to middle ground before someone destroys the remnants of her clan? Sub Genre & Keywords Political intrigue, clans Known Issues The antagonist's helper needs more development, and the antagonist needs introduced earlier. Also, the fantasy terms need to be explained more. Critique Requested Critique it all. ALL OF IT. Give it to me. Critique Tolerance Thick skinned. Be as harsh as you like. Experience & Goals I'd like to publish it some day if it can be salvaged. Method of Communication Email, preferably. PM for Email. Anything else? There is violence (A few things that might be borderline abuse), and some terms that aren't explained real well.

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

vmorr — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 15:22:25 +0000

Title: Drapetomania Length, Draft and Language: 50,420 words, Draft 1, English. Brief Summary (not more than 300 words): Following an 'incident' with a lion, a girl runs away to find herself travelling through different worlds, eventually making her way back home again. Expect: an 'incident', lots of running, different landscapes/cultures/beings/worlds, superstition, a curse and a reconciliation. Sub Genre & Keywords: Mainstream fiction- it's fantasy because it involves other worlds. Keywords: Fairytale, magic, superstition Known Issues: The characters are not strong, there is a pacing issue, some of the dialogue is inane. Critique Requested: All of it please! Critique Tolerance: Anything constructive - positive or negative Experience & Goals: This is my first full novel. My goal is to become a better writer. Method of Communication: Message on here, or email if you ask for it. Anything else? Disclaimers? My novel is weird in parts!

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

Oxlahun — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 16:00:04 +0000

Title: Inspirus Length, Draft and Language: 50K, nano (so draft i guess), English Brief Summary (not more than 300 words): Caspian, a 600 year old Fera (or druid), has a problem. Her arch nemeses, the Revidon, are after her. When Inspirus, a fellow Fera, shows up, she has no choice but to run away from her carefully constructed life. First however, she must attend to the death of her fist mate, Eldric, who she hasn't spoken to in 200 years. A bigger problem arises when Capian learns how few of the Fera are left. She takes it upon herself to hunt down the Revidon and stop the slaughter of the Fera once and for all. This leads to a show down in the snowy north. Then Inspirus is captured by the Revidon. Shay can see werewolves and fairies. At least that's what she calls them. Then she meets a girl who calls herself Snowspeaker. Snowspeaker knows Shay can see the Revidon. With several other of these Fera blessed individuals, Shay goes on her own adventure discovering her power as she goes. Sub Genre & Keywords: Fantasy Thriller, fighting, magic powers. Known Issues: My character development fell off right in the middle somewhere and Shay and Caspian kind of became the same character at the end. There's a lot of places that need more description Critique Requested: Honest and thorough. Tell me what works and where you're confused. Make suggestions, even if you think they aren't great. They will get me thinking, don't be afraid to say 'i have no idea what you mean here.' Critique Tolerance: I will take a lot of stuff but don't insult me. I won't tolerate 'this isn't done, do it this way.' I also don't like just grammar people who put in commas only for chapters on end. That's not what I need. Experience & Goals: I've been in a writer's group for almost three years. I have pretty thick critiquing skin. I've been writing for about 10 years total but am not published or anything like that. I wish I were though. The point of this novel was to get me into a habit of writing everyday, however it turned out better than I thought it would and I would like a preliminary looking over before I take a personal stab at it because I know it too well. Method of Communication: Nanomail and then email for those interested. Anything else? Disclaimers?: A lot of characters die in this book, but their deaths aren't gruesome. There might be crying depending on your disposition.

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

kairoru — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 16:24:24 +0000

Title: Lena Length, Draft and Language: ~52K (Third draft, still a WIP. My NaNo novel though!). English Brief Summary (not more than 300 words): Lena Jones' eighteenth birthday is meant to be a magical day. It’s not meant to be the day where she meets Micah. When she meets Micah, she comes to learn that her entire life has been a dream. She's not human, nor is her boyfriend Landon Reed or their best friend Evan Walker. But not only that, she's now forced into this ongoing battle as a key piece that's remained hidden to humans. The war between the angels and fallen angels. Choosing either side means the end of life as everyone knows it. Letting her guard down means death to her. Sub Genre & Keywords: Teen, Angel, Fallen Angel, Werewolf, Action, Adventure Known Issues: Pacing. Sometimes I feel like I rush to the next thing while others need to move faster. Critique Requested: Constructive criticism. What works. What doesn't. I know there are a lot of mistakes--it was my NaNo novel this year, but I'd like to clean it up and get it ready to try to publish. Critique Tolerance: Harsh. I can take it :) Experience & Goals: This is my third NaNo win. I've completed other novels and am working at getting this novel finished. I'm hoping to eventually get this cleaned up to get it published and so forth, so any help is appreciated. Method of Communication: NaNoMail then email Anything else? Disclaimers? This involves twisting things around to make the plot work. Also, there is an underlying line about Heaven and Hell--obviously--so if you're not the type that likes things like that (think Supernatural season 4 and on), then you might not like this. Also, this novel is not yet completed. I'd like to, if you would like to be the reader, to send in chunks (the chapters are pretty long), that way I don't overwhelm the reader and I can finish it :)

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

TrueLoveWaits116 — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 16:48:37 +0000

Title: Anja Length, Draft and Language: 23k words.. Its my rough draft. English. (Some Latin, but the English definition is given.) Brief Summary (not more than 300 words) Anja and Sven, even though they are adults and should be responsible, aren't very responsible at all, within a year after they got married, the pranks and troublemaking got worse. And it had to be because Sven wasn't always working out in the stables anymore, Or maybe because they just had more fun being torublemakers then being responsible, What ever the case may be, Anja's paren'ts were fed up with all of the mischeif, it needed to be stopped. As soon as possible, and that could only be achieved by sending them away, because they doubted they would even be able to get them to stop. After quite some thought, Queen Amelia and King Xavier decided that they would confine Anja and Sven to a cottage in the woods that was to be guarded by soldiers, which were to be the escorts for them if they wanted to leave as well. They liked it for the most part, aside from kissing the castle. It meant Anja could have a garden and Sven could do plenty of hunting. Though, they did wish that sometimes, just sometimes they could have a bit of freedom. They are Prince and Princess of Adenworth, afterall. Sub Genre & Keywords: It's really a YA Fantasy, so its posted in the YA and here, Witches, Known Issues: Time period accuracy, It should be in Renaissance times, but not sure if it actually looks/sounds like it to the reader, its confusing, due to long nights without sleep trying to write it, it's also not in chapters.. I kinda.. got out of doing that, even tho in the beginning I meant to, Critique Requested: I'd like critique of the plot and characters, really.. of all of it. Critique Tolerance: Constructive, but also harsh. If you hate something, come out and say it, if something's confusing say it. Just say it. No matter how rude it could sound, it doesn't matter to me. I can deal with it. :) Experience & Goals: This is my first NaNo, and It was a big step for me.. :) I'd like someone.. OTHER then fam to see it.. for once... Method of Communication: NaNoMail me, Its on Yarny, so I may have to get your email to send it, Anything else? Disclaimers? There is alot of fighting, and descriptive violence in the fighting, and many injuries. And having to deal with such. I hope you'd like to read it, :)

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

Abenstern — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 18:32:37 +0000

Title: Length, Draft and Language: So far 180 pages size 12 font double spaced (there's still more to be written), its in English. Brief Summary: In a world where humans have become scarce, small towns of a group of people known as Demi's still stand. These Demi's are known as the last barrier between monstrosities created of man kind's own darkness, and the rest of humanity. When one of the towns is destroyed only two young Demi's by the name of Shinji and Kazemasa manage to escape. The pair of them come across a wandering ranger by the name of Caldear. Due to conflict Shinji leaves the group, and Kazemasa stays with Caldear, the pair of them set out, along with their new companion Shin to warn the last kingdom. On the way they must pass through the dark elf city where they are joined by another companion by the name of Reno. After traveling through the kingdom, which was destroyed by shadows shortly after their arrival. In that time they found Shinji again along with several others who decided to join in their group. They believe they have found a way, using the ancient weapons of the dawn to defeat the shadows once and for all. Sub Genre & Keywords:LGBT, Elves, Fae, Boy's love, Action, Adventure, Epic quest, magical items Known Issues: I feel like there may be some plot holes, also I think I go off on tangents. Also, grammar and spelling are not my strong points. Critique Requested: Constructive criticism only please, tell me what works and what doesn't, also how I can improve on areas of weakness. I want to be able to get this ready to be publishable. Critique Tolerance: Be honest, even if its harsh. Experience & Goals: This is my first NaNo win. I have never completed a novel, although I'm very close and really determined, though I've tried to write them many times. I have also written a ton of fan-fiction, which is where most of my experience comes from. My goal is to get this published, once its finished and edited. Method of Communication: Email - Abenstern@yahoo.com Anything else? Disclaimers? If you have anything against gay couples, this isn't the book for you. All of the couplings in this book are homosexual in nature. Its not done yet, but I figure that I could send it to my reader in 1 chapter chunks, so they won't get overwhelmed, and it will also give me a chance to finish it.

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

3rdstar — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 19:00:11 +0000

Title: Weakness Length, Draft and Language: About 52k Brief Summary (not more than 300 words): Three warriors fail to kill their foe and are struck with an illness that drains them of their strength as they continue to hunt down the man who brought them to their fate. Sub Genre & Keywords: post-modern fantasy, deconstruction, traditional fantasy, weird shit Known Issues: Aside from being a massive bloated mess right now, I'm not sure. It's probably dead boring, and I'd rather it not be boring. There are some missing character descriptions that I need to get in there, and I forgot an important scene that informs the ending. Critique Requested: Just tell me if it holds your attention. I aim to entertain and to satirize just a touch. Critique Tolerance: Don't be too much of a jerk, but if the book is a giant mess as I expect, do let me know. This is just a first draft, and an incredibly rough one at that. Hell, just call it a .5 draft. Experience & Goals: I went to UNCW, and learned somethings about writing, but not novel writing. This is my first completed manuscript, and I'm proud to have done it. However, it's an unusual piece, and my desire to write it stems from some insanity that I can't find the origin of. But, hey, it was fun, right? I'd kill to clean this up for publication. Method of Communication: E-Mail is best. caisintlys@gmail.com Anything else? Disclaimers? I can't say that I can read your piece if you read mine, as unfortunate as that is. I'm in the middle of moving. That, paired with my full-time job means that I have no time at all. If you have played any Japanese RPG video games, such as Final Fantasy, anything with the word Tales written at the front, or any others, you will be a little bit more prepared for this concept than others. It is a deconstruction of certain character archetypes found in those games, and there are few light in-jokes for players of those games. They are my target audience (all five thousand or so of them, hah), and these references are made for them. I Anyway...thanks much if you are interested. I know that it will be very painful to read this story, so I appreciate your bravery.

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

applegreensea — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 19:54:30 +0000

Title: The Healer and the Hawk Length, Draft and Language: 50k words; 1st draft; American English Brief Summary: Two children, a brother and sister, are swept up with their parents in a flight for their lives. Fate does not spare their parents. The brother is abducted by the anonymous attackers; the sister is left for dead. Ten years later, sixteen-year-old Kellimir is a restless girl with a simmering ambition to learn the healer’s arts. Left with a crippled leg from the injuries she sustained that night, she chooses to leave the coastal villagers who took her in and make her way to Cryslire, the Mirror City, to study with the great healer-mages. A secret hope to cure herself and an increasing desire to find her lost brother pave her way. But the journey begins to unfold the tensions of the country to her, and a dislike of authority tangles her up with an unusual warrior who would oppose the growing brutality of their rulers. Meanwhile Feinen is, for all that he knows, the son of King Tryson and the heir to the throne. It is his duty on his thirteenth birthday to bond with a storm-hawk, one of the last of a precious dying breed, and learn the subtleties of power, brutality, and war. With only murky memories of the night his parents died, Feinen can’t quite name the yearning he feels for a sense of family; his desire to please his father eclipses his attention to the discontent brewing in his country. And even the most well-hushed conspiracies can’t be stifled forever. Divided loyalties will test their convictions and draw them ever closer. But the siblings’ fate depends on their discovery of their family and their past, and the country must rise or fall with them. Sub Genre & Keywords: Fantasy, high fantasy, magic, coming-of-age Known Issues: The writing quality, while not necessarily bad, is less than masterful. Since my focus was on story less than prose this year, I'm aware of the low quality and will address it in rewrites. ALSO IMPORTANT: this is only about half of the novel. The story will probably take another fifty thousand words to finish. But I'd reeaaally like to get feedback before I go on to help me shape the direction. Just be clear that the story will cut off in the middle. :'( Critique Requested: I'd like feedback on the story - is it cohesive? is the narrative compelling? what do you find confusing? what are the weak or inconsistent points? I'm also very much interested in feedback on the characters - who do you enjoy reading, who do you find less interesting? what makes the characters compelling to you? where do you want to see their arcs end up? Critique Tolerance: I can pretty much handle whatever you throw at me! If you're unduly harsh I may tend to just ignore you, but I'm happy to receive bad news if it's insightful. Experience & Goals: Many many years of personal writing experience, but no publishing. I have enough faith in this novel and the story I'm telling that I would actually like to complete this for publishing. This is obviously a pure, unedited NaNo draft, so you'd be helping me work out the big rough kinks at this stage. Method of Communication: Email, please. Anything else? Disclaimers?: I am happy to give your novel a critique in return if I find the premise interesting - sounds like a harsh disclaimer, but I simply don't have time to spend reading and critiquing things that I won't enjoy.

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

Israel8491 — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 20:34:34 +0000

Title: Clockwork Magic Length, Draft and Language: when finished, about 100k; first draft; English Brief Summary (not more than 300 words) The city of Erwerkstadt runs like clockwork because, well, everything runs on clockwork. The trolleys, the factories, everything. Three siblings, John, Kitty, and Henry, struggle to get by, but there's a kind of comforting rythme to their lives; at least they know what to expect. So when the unexpected happens and they find themselves homeless and in terrible danger, they must race against the clock to discover the mystery that lies at the heart of this clockwork city. Sub Genre & Keywords: Steampunk, magic, fantasy, Europe, siblings, children, dynamite, machines Known Issues: I am... wordy. Too wordy. I go on and on and I don't know when to stop. Which is good for nanowrimo and not much else. Also, I think the plot makes sense in my head but there might be massive plot holes that I just haven't noticed. Pretty good on spelling and grammar. Also, how are the characters? Are they believable? Likable? This is written in third person and usually I write in first. Critique Requested: Any kind. I'd appreciate pointers on what I need to fix, what worked well and what didn't. Critique Tolerance: Don't be too harsh... Experience & Goals: Method of Communication: Anything else? Disclaimers? It's probably rated around PG-13, and stuff gets blown up and people die. Also, I'm not finished yet. I hope to finish the thing over winter break, so you won't be getting this until January or February.

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

Israel8491 — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 20:36:26 +0000

Sorry! Forgot this section!! Experience & Goals: Fifth year doing Nanowrimo, write a lot in free time, English and Creative Writing Major (freshman). I don't have any plans for this novel as of now. Method of Communication: Email

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

KatieDovel — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 21:26:37 +0000

Title: Parias: The Story of Outcasts Length, Draft and Language: About 51k, First draft with a few edits(maybe second draft by the time it gets to you, depending on how long it takes), English Brief Summary (not more than 300 words): This is about a guy, Ryn, who lives in a post-war era. The government was so scared of another war that they created a city, Grace, in which everyone was run by brain controlling chips. The chips however, began to get old, and the people forgot how to fix them. When they wore out and a person's humanity was returned, they were thrown out into the woods. Ryn was thrown out, and found himself in Parias, where all of the outcasts lived. In there, Skylar, the leader of the group decided he didn't like Ryn. Eventually, winter comes and they begin to run out of food. Ryn wants to go to the City (Grace), but Skylar is viciously opposed to it. Eventually they go and find out that there are more people living in secrecy inside the city. Together, they want to start a rebellion. And if you want to read it, I guess you'll know how well that works out! Oh, and there's a girl involved of course Sub Genre & Keywords: Post-war, romance Known Issues: some plot holes, and probably some continuity problems. I'm sure there is plenty of nasty wording as well. Critique Requested: Does this make sense? Is the plot any good, and how well is it laid out? What parts do I need to rearrange? And basically everything but grammar/spelling, I’ll read through it and fix that. Critique Tolerance: As hard as you want! Tear it up! It's only my first draft, so I want to know everything Experience & Goals: This is my first novel, but I really like this story and I’d like to try and make it into something better. Method of Communication: Email, facebook, Skype, whatever works best for you, I’ll probably have it. NaNoMail me for what you want! Anything else? Disclaimers? My main character’s name might be ‘Ryan’ in some places, mostly at the beginning. There is some blood and gore in the battle scenes, a character going through depression(which might not show too much in the current draft), and light language.

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

KatieDovel — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 21:27:26 +0000

Oh and I'm 16 years old and a senior, hoping to major in Music Education

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

Quinn_Zoe — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 22:12:11 +0000

Title: Untitled Length, Draft and Language: 1st draft, (except for the spelling and stuff), 53K (just about.. maybe a tiny bit more), English Brief Summary (not more than 300 words)Sarah Goodman is... considered ordinary, but she is anything but. She hates the real world, and wants to escape, and the only way she knows how to is by dreaming. Except usually, her dreams go horribly wrong. This time, though, she was lucky. She dreamed that she was in her own world. She designed it, she populated it, then she lived it. Then it became addicting, like a drug. She fell into a self-inflicted coma and her dream became her world. Then she hears word that, if she stays inside, her soul will be reaped. She would die, so she goes on this desperate mission to leave. The mission takes Sarah to the maze, and with little time left, can she find her way to the portal that would take her away from this dream forever, and therefor saving her life? (Okay, the actual story is way different.. ish. The beginning's the same, but then the end becomes... so weird. Sub Genre & Keywords: dream, imagination, inside her head, quest. It's a YA fantasy and it's slightly adventure Known Issues: plot holes, not great diologue, might be a bit confusing, doesn't make much sense, etc. Critique Requested: hopefully... all of it? haha.. but mostly, (I'm not saying I don't want any other type of critiquing, but) critiquing about the flow of the plot, and how it would sound as a story. Critique Tolerance: Constructive, but still harsh. You can just about tell me anything. If you seriously think that it's horrible, just say it. If it's great, then say it's great. Be completely honest. Experience & Goals: This is my second nano, but the first one I won. Method of Communication: Nanomail me if you are interested, and I'll give you my email, if you really want to edit mine. Anything else? Disclaimers?There's some fighting, violence, language, etc. And some kissing. That's it. I think. ANOTHER THING. MUST READ - I will swap with 2 people only. Be my guest if you would be so kind to critique mine for no cost, but first come first serve. The first person's should be done (critiqued) by the end of january, and the second should be done by the end of oh say March. Again, nanomail me if you want to swap, or just read mine. (I prefer sci-fi, fantasy, mystery, and supernatural/horror - ish... oh and crime.

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

Taylor Mefford — Fri, 02 Dec 2011 01:04:15 +0000

Title: Magic Package Book 1 Length, Draft and Language: 1st draft, 30K thusfar, English Brief Summary (not more than 300 words):When Mason Vanceton is accused of cheating on a test, he finds that the reason behind it extends far beyond merely looking over the shoulder of someone else. He has been given the power of tapping into others' memories, granted by floating magical hotspots around the world. As he meets others who have also attained magical powers, he finds that the world he never knew about has secrets that could destroy relationships, nations, and the world. Sub Genre & Keywords: Young Adult/Juvenile Urban Fantasy Known Issues: Confusing character relationships, downplaying evil, redundancy of thoughts Critique Requested: Whatever you can come up with. Just overall readability. Where are scenes awkward? Not only do I want to see what needs work, but would like suggestions for improvement. Tear me down, then give me materials to patch everything up. Critique Tolerance: Be honest, but respectful. For my first novel, I was harshly turned down by an agent, who essentially told me that my work was endless fluff, even though he'd only read my query letter. So, be harsh within reason. Experience & Goals: Third novel, second NaNoWriMo, first urban fantasy Method of Communication: I will accept NaNomail, but I would prefer email. Please use NaNoMail to get that information Anything else? Disclaimers? This is a novel geared toward all ages. I have a stingy belief that having a sex- and profanity-free writing will never lose readership, while having people drop their pants will scare others away. This is something I am comfortable sharing with a ten-year-old.

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

80sbrokemyheart — Fri, 02 Dec 2011 03:25:45 +0000

Title: Still haven't picked one. Length, Draft and Language: 50K, but it's not completely finished, I'm on my first draft (Actually, this is the first time I've ever written anything. I'm a longtime reader, but I did NaNo on a whim and I'm kinda in awe that I actually finished. Brief Summary (not more than 300 words) Seventeen-year old Cassie Grant is in her Senior year of high school when she realizes that her Calculus teacher is a demon from hell and her English teacher is a two thousand year old wizard, who gives her a magic sword to use to fight evil! Sub Genre & Keywords: Young Adult? I don't know, it's about high school but there's a LOT of cursing by the MC Known Issues: This novel is all over the place. I'm told it's very funny in places, but it has not been edited at ALL yet. I have blatant plot holes in there, like my MC went to school on the bus and then came home in her very own car. Also, some of the sentences get a little messy from word sprints and writing at 5 o'clock in the morning and other things. Critique Requested: I wanna start editing this bad boy but I don't know where to start. I don't know what my strengths/weaknesses are, and I want to know which bits make sense and which bits don't. Critique Tolerance: Honesty is good, but I don't want to get my heart broken either. I want to know what my problems are, so that I can fix them, but I do need to be told some good things so that I'll keep going (not that anything could stop me at this point, but still) Experience & Goals: I just want to improve my writing. Two years ago I was frightened to death of writing so much as a two page paper, and now I've written a 155 page novel, which still hasn't sunk in. Method of Communication: Nanomail me your email and we can take it from there. Anything else? Please, please, please, I'd love some feedback! I could really use some help : ) Thank you! Disclaimers? My main character swears more than I did in high school, which is really saying something. Sex is mentioned but never depicted. Violence is there but it's fairly brief, I think.

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

80sbrokemyheart — Fri, 02 Dec 2011 03:27:00 +0000

Also, my novel is in English.

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

Stratadrake — Fri, 02 Dec 2011 04:35:11 +0000

I have two, actually, and they are related. Anyone up for either? Common details [quote]Subgenres: Animal fantasy, action, adventure Content Advisories: Comparable to "PG-13" for sequences of creature violence. May contain language or sexual references. General overview: What look like ordinary animals are actually a species of shapeless symbiotic beings fused with animal hosts. Their kind has been long divided into two warring races, and these are their tales. Known issues: Comfortable writing action sequences; characterization and visual exposition, not so much. Critique Requested: Mostly for checking/improving personality of cast members. Critique Tolerance: "General". Can handle some harsh words if they are balanced by positive recommendations. Experience & Goals: Hobby. Have some novel-writing experiences, but am not a bookworm. No plans for professional publishing, but dreaming about a comic adaptation of it sometime. Communication - Limited venues/opportunities for realtime chat; email preferred.[/quote] Untitled 2007 Nanowrimo [quote]Length: 56k, English Subgenres: Animal fantasy, action, adventure, coming-of-age Content Advisories: Equivalent to "PG13", mostly for violence. May contain mild sexual references and/or some harsh language. Skree is one of four children in the family Rava, uncomfortable with the fact that it is his nature to Bond his life to the soul of another animal. Their family is too small to maintain a secure territory range, and their nemeses, the Depraved, are ever hunting them.... Known Issues: First ever Nano, little outline to support the plot. Intentionally did not use any common animal names. Difficulty balancing the cast members against each other, balancing dialogue with exposition (visual descriptions especially), and conveying characters' personality. Critique Requested: Mostly for character development. Critique Tolerance: "General". Not afraid of a few harsh remarks but try to keep the good/bad news balanced. Experience & Goals: Hobby. First ever Nano, some previous fiction writing experience. Communication: Email preferred[/quote] Untitled 2011 Nanowrimo [quote]Length: 60k, English Subgenres: Animal fantasy, action, adventure Content Advisories: Comparable to "PG-13" for scenes of violence and some descriptions of blood. Also contains scattered language and sexual references. Sequel to 2007. When Skiro is sent out on a team mission to a neighboring clan's territory to investigate an attack by Depraved, they discover a mysterious assailant has been stalking them, and is making plans to attack their home territory and kill the clan elders, starting with Rava. Known Issues: No prepared outline to work from ahead of time. Minor retcons to the setting since 2007. Difficulty maintaining a consistent balance of exposition, narration, and dialogue. Critique Requested: Mostly for character development, but plot concerns are welcome too. Critique Tolerance: "General", try to keep it balanced Experience & Goals: Hobby. Fifth year at Nanowrimo. Method of Communication: Email preferred[/quote]

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

Nikk_E — Fri, 02 Dec 2011 09:17:59 +0000

Title: The Kaos Chronicles-Son of Canther Length, Draft and Language: 61k. This is about the second write through. I'm looking for more feedback on the first 3 chapters so about more around 30,000 words would be the read. Brief Summary : Everin Kyrn has no idea why the 500 year war of Ethwyn began or when it would ever end. She has only known what she has been told. Employed by the Ordyn, she has a gift of tracking moon demons, an abomination that is to be cleansed from the world of Ethwyn, proclaimed by the Sun God of Argnok himself. The reward? Their blood weight in gold. But when Everin meets Kÿrith Falon, the infamous Blood Demon of Numa, she finds that fate has another plan. Sub Genre & Keywords: Fantasy/Adventure (Romance is there too, but doesn't come til much laters) Known Issues: I've read it so many times I don't know what's wrong with it. I need fresh eyes. I worry that the plot picks up too slow and that the reader will lose interest. I hope it's readable at least. Critique Requested: Yes of course. Critique Tolerance: Tell it like it is. I'd rather know than just hear, "Oh it's good." If something doesn't make sense I'd like to know, as well as anything else that irked you as a reader. Experience & Goals: Aiming to be published within the next year or so with this novel. Method of Communication: Nanomail or email. Anything else? Disclaimers? There is some brief sexuality, but nothing major. Some violence. My target audience is not for teenagers I guess I'm saying.

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

TeeVee — Fri, 02 Dec 2011 13:39:27 +0000

Title: Ashlyn and the Lost Prince Length, Draft and Language: 48k , 2nd, English Brief Summary (not more than 300 words): Ashlyn is a bounty hunter with a debt to pay to the King. To clear her debt, the King demands that she find his only son, who went missing a year previous. Armed with no knowledge of the prince's whereabouts and only a wizard with useless powers and a cowardly warrior as her companions, Ashlyn must battle the elements and her patience to find the prince and bring him home so she can have her life back. Sub Genre & Keywords: fairytale, magic Known Issues: the ending, consistency Critique Requested: The overall flow, character development ... everything Critique Tolerance: brutal honesty, I can take it Experience & Goals: Written 6 novels all together, this is the first one to reach the second edit. Method of Communication: NaNoMail first, then email preferably. Anything else?: I would like to have this novel edited before the end of January so I would need feedback as soon as possible.

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

Sweenerborg — Fri, 02 Dec 2011 14:42:31 +0000

Title: Gods of the Mountain Length, Draft and Language: 90k, 2nd draft, English Brief Summary (not more than 300 words): Moxie Potts lives her life by the Gods. The temple is her passion and her work. But recently, the Gods have sent her her visions in her sleep, dreams of a man. Starving and filthy, he prays nightly for someone to help him. Before she has time to question why or what, Moxie finds herself neck deep in the unholy yet intriguing world of magic. Her faith is tested to the limit as the Gods' demands go beyond anything she thought herself capable of. For ten long years, Ronan had lived in the Pits under the name of Ire Sykes. Those years have made him hard and taught him to hate. But he dreams of a better life. A life of freedom, of peace, and of plenty. A life on the surface world. When his own life gets too dark for him to bare, he decides to make a break for it: to make it to the surface, or die trying. He soon finds that the struggle for a better life does not end there. He must contend with the prejudice of the citizens, and fight to keep his past at bay. When a young maid extends her hand and home to help him, he finds himself dragging her down to his own level. Sub Genre & Keywords: Medieval fantasy, some politics, some romance. Possibly young adult. Known Issues: exposition. I find it hard to keep track of what the reader does and doesn't know about the world. If a word or a concept isn't explained, let me know and I'll fix it. Critique Requested: General. At this stage, I'm more interested critiques about the content (character, plot, etc) than the way it written. Critique Tolerance: I need to practice with accepting criticism. Be honest, but not brutal. If you see something wrong, I'd appreciate suggestions on how to improve it. Experience & Goals: I have attempted four novels and finished 3. This is my first time editing. I would like to be published eventually, but I realize I am still young and starting out as a writer, so I'm not aiming to get this book published specifically. However, I would like to be able to show it friends and family without too much shame. Method of Communication: NaNoMail me first, then preferable email. Anything else? Disclaimers? It won't be sending all at once. I'm going to aim to have 10k edited per week (and would appreciate a but-kicking if I don't). My reason for doing it this way is partly to keep me accountable. This is the first book in a series (the second book is drafted, and the third is planned for next November. However, it works well as a stand alone story, and you have no obligation to read the next ones.

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

MrBadgerPants — Fri, 02 Dec 2011 17:11:22 +0000

(Working) Title: Blood & Stone (Tentative) Title: Snow Length, Draft and Language: ~140-150k words, rough draft, English Brief Summary (not more than 300 words) A year ago my friends and I stole the most valuable book in New London - in all the Territories, most like - out from under the Executor's nose; shut down the renegade Guild of tradesmen, murderers, and degenerates run by the blackmailer and all-around sadistic mastermind Leadletter; and managed to mostly come out of it with our lives. Leadletter's gone to ground and not shown himself since his Presses fell, but his lieutenants haven't stopped trying to put a knife in my sister's neck. Meantime, there's a new drug on the streets that kills one in four as take it but leaves the other three faster, stronger, and tougher than they've any right to be. Commandant Bander wants me to track it back to its source and to look into a series of unexplained and seemingly unconnected - to everyone but him - deaths of runecrafters around the city. Except I'm near to crippled from a half-botched bank job, the city is shivering in the grip of the plague, and I still have to find time to scrape together enough dosh to keep up payments to my sister's keeper. My name is Halflight. I'm a brother of the tradecrafter's Guild; a thief, a robber, an assassin, and a blade for hire. I'm also the New London City Watch's newest secret weapon, the lover of a woman who can hardly bear to be touched, and the deposed prince of a kingdom that murdered its noble class to the man. It's not a good summer to be me. Sub Genre & Keywords: Fantasy, alternate history, gritty, drama, romance, crime/procedural Known Issues: Sometimes my dialect gets away from me, rendering the odd sentence a little tough to parse. I'll get that in revision. Same with misspellings and the like. There are probably also chunks of exposition that need to get shifted out from the middle of conversations where my narrative style tends to drop them. Critique Requested: Plot and development. I know the writing will need revision; it's a rough draft. I'm confident enough in my editing abilities to not think I need someone to point out all of my grammatical and construction errors for me. What I really want is someone to just read it through and, afterward, tell me if it made sense, hung together, was paced decently, and, ideally, what segments or developments worked especially well or poorly for you. Were the threads resolved you wanted to see resolved, for the most part? Did the ones that weren't leave you wanting more instead of hanging dry? Critique Tolerance: Well, I'd prefer not brutality, and a little ego stroking is always nice, but be honest. I want to publish this, so if you're not then agents certainly will be later. Experience & Goals: This is my second novel with intent toward publication. The first one is on its 4th draft and I feel will be ready for query letters once I give it another pass and rewrite the 1st chapter again. Assuming it gets published one day, this will follow. It's probably the 6th or 8th novel I've written; I just don't pretend any of the other ones are worth an agent's time. I've had short stories published and written professionally, albeit in a technical capacity. Method of Communication: Email, but nanomail me to get it rolling. Anything else? Disclaimers? This is the sequel to my other book (the one in editing). I *think* it can be read on its own. There will be several things that aren't explained but which are important to the plot; I can include a synopsis of the first book for you so that you're not going in blind. If you start reading and decide, "Man, this is pretty good, but what the hell are they talking about?" I can always send you the first book, too :p There is a lot of violence, most of it graphic. There are sexual situations in moderately explicit detail. There is a LOT of cursing. The entire novel is written in first-person narrative form from the point of view of a man who has an affected dialect, which occasionally ramps up or down in thickness based on his situation and mood (note: not an accent, a dialect; the words should be spelled correctly, they just aren't necessarily used the way you anticipate - it's a sort of fusion of a stereotypical Bellringer dialect with the sort of 'old west' language you see in western films). There are probably rape and abuse triggers, because there references to rape and abuse. There is occasional frank discussion about sexuality. Note that this isn't a sexually-oriented work or erotic fiction or LGBTQ fiction or anything; it's a romantic drama action urban fantasy novel set in the pseudo early 20th century. I just figured I should disclaim all that, since it is in there, lest someone get their knickers in a knot.

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

yamikuronue — Fri, 02 Dec 2011 19:33:24 +0000

Title: Wolfbound ~30k words, 2nd draft, English. Brief Summary: Wolfbound is the story of Eileen, a young woman struggling with mental illness and physical injury, as she tries to rebuild her life and find herself while surrounded by a world that’s growing increasingly strange. Could it be that she’s not crazy at all? Could werewolves really exist? An urban fantasy novella perfect for those who felt Jacob got a raw deal. Sub Genre & Keywords: Urban fantasy, low fantasy, supernatural, werewolves Known Issues: I'll have just finished a rewrite, so I won't have gone over it with a fine-tooth comb yet Critique Requested: I very specifically would like someone from the UK (or the Commonwealth, but that's less desirable) to critique the dialogue in the supporting characters - does any of it sound inauthentic coming from a native Brit? Any expressions that read as too American, that sort of thing? Critique Tolerance: For the above, be thorough, I don't want anything that might jar someone out of their suspension of disbelief as sounding too weird. For other issues, I don't necessarily want kid gloves but try not to be too harsh about it - I definitely want to know if something's wrong but I can be a little sensitive. Experience & Goals: I plan to self-publish an e-book version of this very soon, hopefully by Christmas but I know that's probably unrealistic. Method of Communication: Email is good. Toss me a Nanomail with your email address and I'll send out the manuscript. Anything else?: Trigger Warning for abusive relationships - not physically abusive, but the emotionally manipulative type. There's one scene with sex in it, though if you prefer I can snip that from the version I send (because I'm looking for dialogue critique and, well, there's not a lot of talking in that scene, lol). I'm almost done with this draft, so it'll be a couple days before I send it out. I'd like to have feedback ASAP, which ought to be doable since I'm not looking for a full beta-read -- the problem I'm having is that all my betas are American, like myself.

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

Wolf Queen's Phantom — Fri, 02 Dec 2011 21:00:24 +0000

Title: The Story About Annabelle Length, Draft and Language: 22,167 words, 2nd draft, English Brief Summary (not more than 300 words): Vampires, werewolves, humans, and half breads have a peace treaty that lasted 50,000 years. No really knows what or who thought of the peace treaty until now. Annabelle is the answer but she has been dead for 50,000 years. Everyone has forgotten her story except for one person, Richard. Watch as Richard tells a story that takes a journey from the present to the past to find out how Annabelle created a peace treaty that lasted longer than her. However, the most important question is: will the peace last forever? Sub Genre & Keywords: Action, Adventure, Known Issues: Someone told me I could brought out some things but fail to tell me where. Grammar and skipping words. Critique Requested: Honest and thorough. Tell me what works and where you're confused. Make suggestions, even if you think they aren't great. They will get me thinking, don't be afraid to say 'i have no idea what you mean here.' Critique Tolerance: I will take a lot of stuff but don't insult me. I won't tolerate 'this isn't done, do it this way.' You can give me suggestions but please do not re-write my novel. I had someone do that to my first chapter and changed so much that I had write a different novel and delete the one I had. Experience & Goals: Wrote short stories in school and wrote two novels. I hope to finish editing this novel so I can publish it through blurb and concentrate on editing my next novel that I finished writing. Method of Communication: NaNoMail first, so I can give you my email. Anything else? Disclaimers?: There is some fighting and other violence that some people will dislike. This book is in third person, which I am not good at but it was the only thing that would work for this story.

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

XRoryX — Sat, 03 Dec 2011 00:00:16 +0000

So I have a three novel series I'm working on.... if someone's interested they can just choose whichever they want. The first needs the least amount of critique and the second needs the most, the third is somewhere in the middle, so I'll let my reader decide how much of a mess they're willing to deal with. Unless someone wants to read an entire series, that's cool too, I just don't expect it. Title: 1. Supernaturalis 2. Back to Infernum 3. From the Grave Length, Draft and Language: 1. Approx: 80k 2. Approx 50k 3. Approx 50k All English 1. Second Draft. 2 and 3, First Draft. Brief Summary (not more than 300 words): Basically they're all about a teenage girl who fights the supernatural. In the first she's trying to track down a book that's a demon portal in hopes to close it. The second, she's trying to save her cousin, and the third trying to stop an apocalypse. (You can message me for the real summaries of each) Sub Genre & Keywords: Urban Fantasy/Supernatural/YA Known Issues: The better question, what isn't in issue? I usually have pretty bad passive voice, my sentence structure could probably use a little work, and I sometimes have plot holes I forget about. Critique Requested: Really I'm hoping to get critique on my characters, plot, dialogue, sentence structure....really anything that stands out as wrong or bad, I'd like to know about. Critique Tolerance: Tactful Honesty. When something is horrible I want to know about it. But I want to know in a polite, and honest way. I want to feel encouraged to fix my writing, not want to quit cause I suck. Experience & Goals: Well it's my first series, but I've written four other novels in the past. The first two were camp nano novels, and this one was this novembers nano, so they're all products of nanowrimo, and I'm sorry to say they read like it haha. My goals for now is to have a complete series edited the best to my ability. Even if I have someone just wanting to do one, that helps me, Method of Communication: I prefer email, but I am open to other methods. Anything else? Disclaimers? Um let's see. I'm fairly certain there is nothing offensive in it, I wrote it for a YA audience. There is very limited almost non existent swearing, and a few "creepy" elements, but nothing too bad. Message me if you've got any questions. I look forwards to hearing from someone :D

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

MageeJabber — Sat, 03 Dec 2011 01:23:13 +0000

Title: Daryl and Denise Length, Draft and Language: 45k words, First Draft, English Brief Summary (not more than 300 words): A tale of two dragons. One is a former henchman for the evil sorceress Aosoth; after his mistress dies, he leaves the magical land of Kirkalan for England to get a new start, forever dealing with the monsters that come out of his head. The other is training to be a hero, seeking to destroy the negative image the people of her world have of her brethren. When Aosoth is resurrected, can the two dragons stop her, or will their self-doubt get the better of them? Sub Genre & Keywords: Humourous, surreal Known Issues: I have trouble setting the scene, and making the characters coherent. I also had trouble figuring out where the plot should go at times. Critique Requested: Please suggest ways how I can better unfold the plot and explore the characters, and how I can add humour to the story. Critique Tolerance: Be honest, but don't flame. Experience & Goals: I have been writing for a long time, mostly short stories and reviews, but this is one of the few times I've ever tried something this long (this is not my Nanowrimo novel). Method of Communication: Nanomail and e-mail Anything else? Disclaimers? Some swears.

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

angeliclizard — Sat, 03 Dec 2011 02:58:44 +0000

Title: A Thousand Words (Working Title) Length, Draft and Language: 78K, First Draft, English Brief Summary (not more than 300 words):Fifteen year old Taylor Glidden is awkward, has no friends, and is incredibly forgetful. One day Taylor finds out that his frustrating memory problems stem back to when he was eight years old and he witnessed his best friends entire family be executed while playing at their house. In an effort to protect the magical and arcane world they were apart of, Taylor's memory, was forcibly suppressed. Someone found out there is a living witness to the murders so Taylor is yanked away from everything he knows to be placed in a school for young students of magic and arcane, where he is now an even bigger outcast then before. To make matters worse he being forced to go through a series of traumatizing treatments to remember everything he has forgotten. To help him along the way, Taylor befriends his twenty year old mentor, Colin- a gentle, big brotherly athlete, Aspen- a fifteen year old flirty and punk-ish succubus, and her studious, no-nonsense girlfriend Rory. Things seem bad enough for Taylor, but as violence from a mysterious group known only as the Cahalla, Taylor and his camera will have to figure out where they stand. Sub Genre & Keywords: Modern, Dark(elements), and Young Adult(maybe) School, Magic, Camera, Amnesia Known Issues: Grammar/Spelling Issues, Minor Continuity Issue, Inconsistencies with names of minor characters, minor story arcs are not always carried through, (some are place holders, some peoples names are only XXX and some people are in several scenes with no name given). There may be bits of missing information due to gaps in world building. Critique Requested: Any of the following: Overall, characters, dialogue, naming issues, plot Critique Tolerance: High. As long as you are being fair and not flaming me. Experience & Goals: I have been writing since I could read, I have never finished a project this large and I hope to be able to send inquiries some time next year Method of Communication: Email, NaNoMail or Snail Mail, whatever you prefer. Anything else? Disclaimers?: None that I can think of...

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

Stratadrake — Sat, 03 Dec 2011 04:55:23 +0000

PS: Anyone with the "preview before commit" mindset can check out excerpts of both my stories, in my deviantART gallery : ) 2007 Novel: Chapter One (additional chapters also available) 2011 Novel: Prologue & Chapter One

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

Rosefighter — Sat, 03 Dec 2011 05:10:45 +0000

Title: Hidden Clocks Length, Draft and Language: 50,033 words, 1st Draft, American English Brief Summary (not more than 300 words): Nicola Oswald was born on an airship and has never called anywhere else home. On her 18th birthday she gets the ability to traverse through time and timelines. On her 21st birthday she saves her Boyfriend and sets into motion a plot that could very well end all time. along the way she finds out who her father is, Fights for the Round Table and ultimately has to make sacrifices that will have lasting consiquences. Sub Genre & Keywords: Steampunk, Historical, Fae, King Arthur, Knights of the Round Table, Time Travel, Magic, Billy the Kid Known Issues: Plot holes, bad ending, gramatial and spelling mistakes, non-existant slang, need better character names for minor charactes, battle scens are disjointed and lack detail. Critique Requested: I want someone to tell me what they hate and what they love. I need to know what works, what needs to be explained and what needs to be removed. Critique Tolerance: High as long as it's not just one long giant flame I'm willing to listen. Experience & Goals: This is just a rough draft but it is the first book in a series that I'm plan on writing. I want to be able to one day get this to a published. Method of Communication: Email, Nanomail me to get the ball rolling. Anything else? Disclaimers? Has some M/M relationships, swearing, crying FMC, I put my own spin King Arthur's legend and Billy the Kid, some weird conception/birth ideas

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

Serodezha — Sat, 03 Dec 2011 17:08:36 +0000

Title: Where Secrets Lie Length, Draft and Language: 50182, first draft, English Brief Summary (not more than 300 words): Erizel never worried about the outside world, quite content with taking care of the people of her tribes. Her only outside contact is Elowyne, an ambassador from a city of steam and iron. But things are changing. Mentions of an oncoming war have been spreading, and now Elowyne has asked for a favor, to take in a girl named Anasia, who may very well change the fate of the world. Sub Genre & Keywords: tribal, steampunk Known Issues - words being constantly repeated as well as different characters seeming to say the same issue multiple times throughout the novel. There is one paragraph where I did not know how to describe something, so I just rambled about how I need to learn how to do that. Actually, I'm terrible at most of my issues Critique Requested - Everything, even on known issues. Critique Tolerance - Give me the best you got. The more the merrier. Experience & Goals - This is my first finished novel and I would hope to someday actually publish it, though I accept that it could take a TON of work before I can do that Method of Communication - nanomail or email is fine with me, just send me a message on nanomail to tell me how you would like to do it Anything else? There are multiple POVs and absolutely no chapters as of yet. It would be great to have this back by the end of December at the latest.

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

rachelwrites527 — Sun, 04 Dec 2011 03:54:57 +0000

Title: The Law's Chosen Length, Draft and Language: About 150 pages double spaced, VERY rough 1st draft, English Brief Summary (not more than 300 words): Verdiandre Neeson is faced with putting her best friend and the princess Emaline Zaire on the throne in place of Emaline's uncle, Kuros. She gains an unlikely ally in the goddess of Fate, Yarias. As it turns out, their revolution is much bigger than they had expected. It is a war between the gods. Yarias faces off against her brother, Zyvon, who has elected Kuros as his Chosen (Kind of like and apprentice.) Joining Verdi are her boyfriend, his parents, Emaline's aunt, uncle, and sister, and a mutual friend, Bendant. Viva la Revolucion! Oh yeah and along the way there's a prison break. Sorry for the terribly scattered summary. I suck at summaries. Sub Genre & Keywords: Sword and Sorcery, revolution, romantic undertones (VERY undertone,) Young adult Known Issues: I don't use any contractions. I only did that to increase the word count. I tend to over describe things. It isn't finished. It kind of cuts off. So please don't get pissed because the ending isn't there. If you want me to, I'll reveal the end to you. Critique Requested: Any kind necessary. I'm pretty confident that I can take care of my own grammar. Plot points and consistency are really all I require. Just tell me how bad it is. But also tell me how I could fix it. Critique Tolerance: I have a pretty thick skin. Throw anything at me. I can take it. Just, don't be intentionally cruel. Experience & Goals: Ahem. Well, I have 118 pages of one novel, but it's nowhere close to being done. I want to publish this one day. So do anything necessary to get it to publishing quality. Method of Communication: Email once we get things going, but NaNomail me first. Anything else? Disclaimers? It's really, really raw, I know. Then again, I only had thirty days to write it. There's only one real curse word. No sex. While it's fantasy, it's also YA, so be warned.

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

henshinger — Sun, 04 Dec 2011 07:22:19 +0000

Title: Lucifer's Gauntlet Length, Draft and Language: about 50k, first draft, English Brief Summary (not more than 300 words) Gary was desperate to save his son, who was now a zombie in heaven. He threw away his life in heaven to steal Lucifer's gauntlet, the most powerful of all the gauntlets, and went back to earth to find a cure, giving up twenty years of fulfilling his purgatory. Angels and devils wanted the gauntlet and now he was chased by them. Little did he know that the zombification of souls was only a part of hell's plan to destroy heaven. Now, Gary must unite with the people who caused his problems in the first place to stop hell's invasion on heaven, where his son resides. Sub Genre & Keywords: Slipstream, angels, devils, time travelling, zombies, fourth wall breaking narrators. Known Issues: Poorly set up scenes, grammar, more dialogue than action in fight scenes, loophole in Gary's back story(I briefly forgot he died in the 80s) Critique Requested: Strengths and weaknesses(20%) Everything wrong with it and how to improve it.(80%) Critique Tolerance: I absolutely hate reviews that have nothing to say, but it's good. The strength to weakness ratio should be at least 1:2 meaning there should be two bad things for every good thing Experience & Goals: This is my first NaNo, but I wrote a novel before. Method of Communication: I posted my novel here. Just comment there. If you don't like commenting, NaNoMail me. Disclaimers: It's not yet done. I may have won NaNo, but it is currently in the falling action. Also, I classify it as slipstream and is a mix of science fiction and fantasy, so this is in the fantasy and sci-fi thread.

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

Quinn_Zoe — Sun, 04 Dec 2011 18:39:39 +0000

I just wanted to say that the whole 'only swapping with 2 people' thing isn't true. I have time to swap with more people!

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

yamikuronue — Sun, 04 Dec 2011 19:02:46 +0000

The revised draft is complete, if you were holding out for that.

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

Morgan101 — Tue, 06 Dec 2011 02:30:36 +0000

Title: We Who Are About To Die Length: ~43k Language: English Draft #3 (first written for NaNo ‘10, rewritten as a movie for Screnzy, and then put back into novel form in a hurry in time to get the CreateSpace free proof) Sub Genre & Keywords: Gladiators, Young Adult, Sacrifice, Love, Coming of age, Best friends Brief Summary: Renata Vilvan has always said she’d do anything for her cousin Leta, the little sister she never had. When Leta is chosen as a concubine to the king, Ren proves it - she volunteers to be a gladiator. Concubines get five years of luxury before they must face death in the brutal gladiatorial arena, but Ren has a plan. She will be in the arena protecting Leta when her cousin’s five years are up. If she survives learning to fight. Initially marginalized, Renata struggles to earn her fellow trainees' respect and master the rudiments of weaponry in time for their first arena melee. Even once accepted by the group, Ren must confront a sadistic and bigoted trainer, her complex relationship with Leta's fiancé and her overwhelming grief at a deep personal loss. Will she be ready in time to save the girl for whom she gave up everything? What I’m Looking For (aka Critique Requested, Critique Tolerance, Experience & Goals) I’ve been working on this novel on and off for nearly a year now, and I was originally planning to write a sequel for this NaNo, but a change in my personal circumstances made me re-evaluate that, and my commitment to this novel. Looking at it now I see both its strengths and its weaknesses. I'm looking for someone to give me an objective opinion: is this story worth more time and energy? Does it have publishing potential, or is it crap? I’m not looking for an in-depth critique. I certainly don’t want nit-picky comments on any particular section of text. I do want the negatives, but preferably in a general way so that I can apply them as I edit the hell out of the novel. (Like, “you use too many passives” or whatever). I’m here for your unbiased opinion. Please be kind and respectful, but completely honest. I want to know: Does it make sense? Are the characters (and their interactions/development) believable? Do you care what happens to them? If you could wave a magic wand and change one (or a few) big things about WWAATD, what would you change? (ie. Delete character x, add more info about y…) This was my second novel, and I would like to try and publish it, but if it isn’t good enough, I want to know now, and not keep deluding myself that it has the potential. I’m tempted to just move on to another project, but I love this story, and I know that being a writer means editing your stuff, not just always moving to new projects. I’m torn - which is where *you* come in. Known Issues: It’s too short (I think, but let me know what you think). The premise is like that of The Hunger Games (I had read The Hunger Games before writing WWAATD, but the influence was entirely subconscious, unbelievable as that it). Method of Communication: NaNo mail me if you’re interested, and we can exchange e-mails. Disclaimers: lots of violence (gladiators, after all). I don't need this back soon, and I'm happy to send it to multiple people, so please, if you're at all interested, NaNoMail me. I'm also happy to send you a few chapters as a preview. Thanks!

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

nanae — Tue, 06 Dec 2011 02:59:23 +0000

Title: Black Wave Length, Draft and Language: 50032 words, 1st draft, English Brief Summary (not more than 300 words) Teenagers certainly can be interesting people. But not all of them can say they've been kicked out of their home, have met two orphans-- one who has a potentially life threatening disease--, and has had to help them stop a dangerously criminal ruler who has attempted murdering them. No, teenagers are not that unpredictable. Sub Genre & Keywords: Adventure (maybe?), Young Adult Known Issues: I know I have issues with transitioning POVs and letting the reader know whose thoughts are being written about. Critique Requested: I'm looking for someone to tell me how I should change my phrasing so that it is more clear. The person(s) should also be able to show me where I can add in descriptions. You can barely even tell what any of the characters look like at this point. Also, tell me how I should lengthen or shorten certain sections to seem more realistic to the setting. Critique Tolerance: I can take anything you have to say to me, unless it's completely dull and unresponsive to what I've requested. If you're just going to say, "I hate this chapter, it doesn't make any sense," I'm going to ask you to clarify. Experience & Goals: I write essays in school. That's pretty much it. My goal is to possibly do another NaNovel next year; it'll be much better than it has been this year, probably. Method of Communication: NaNoMail me with your email and I'll send my draft to you. Anything else? Disclaimers? Minor cursing, but I'm sure if you're even looking at this thread, you're be prepared for that.

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

coolpearls — Tue, 06 Dec 2011 23:54:09 +0000

I have a few. Both are from my fantasy series, The Protectors, but you don't need to have read one to understand the other. One is about half the length, too :P Title: Promising Light Length, Draft and Language: 130K, 3rd draft, English Brief Summary: Grace has followed the rules most of her life. Starting a secret courtship with the noble Dar is only one of the first things she does against her father's will. Their relationship is cut short when a mysterious man warns her about him and Dar leaves her. She searches for answers to mysteries surrounding Dar but only encounters people determined to keep the truth from her—until she's kidnapped by Dar's family. Based on a vision from an elder, they claim she can break a curse set on their family of shape changers ten years ago by the Protectors. Grace is intrigued by these people, but turned off by the claim she must get pregnant to break the curse. Her father and the prince are determined to keep her from the shape changers, but will Grace choose to help the innocent instead of living a comfortable life with their oppressors? If she does, she'd have to leave behind everything she knows. If she doesn't, the shape changers could die out forever. Sub Genre & Keywords: Romance, epic fantasy, prophecy, curses, shape changers Known Issues: Um, I can't think of anything. Critique Requested: Mostly macro-level stuff. Does the pacing work for you? Did you get bored at any point? Did you like the characters? What did you think of the ending? Critique Tolerance: I'm thick-skinned, lay it on me! Experience & Goals: This is my third finished novel. I will be self-publishing it soon, so I will only accept requests from people who can problem to have it finished by the end of December. I know that's kind of crazy, but I figure it's the holidays! I'm also willing to swap if your novel interests me. I will be publishing its sequel and prequel (below!), too. Method of Communication: E-mail is best, google docs if we must. Anything else? Disclaimers?: Like I said, please only contact me if you think you can get it back to me by the end of December. If you're reading this after December, consider the request rescinded. In fact, it might be for sale already! Title: Untitled (POSSIBLY Broken Promises) Length, Draft and Language: 65K, 2nd/3rd draft, English. Brief Summary : (Prequel of Promising Light, set a couple years earlier) The Protectors are merely rumors and distant whispers for Sashe until a new boy moves to her hometown. His parents were killed by the Protectors, and he personally killed three of them. When pregnant women start dying, Sashe realizes just how far reaching the Protectors' hatred is. She and her sister Sierra aren't shape changers, but they've considered them nothing less than family. Years pass with more battles and deaths, and the shape changers become desperate for a way to break the curse. When an elder approaches Sashe and Sierra claiming they could break the curse, will the girls risk their lives for the chance at a brighter future for the shape changers? Sub Genre & Keywords: Romance, YA, shape changers, curses, prophecy Known Issues: I don't really get this field at all -- I have known issues, but I still want you to comment on them! :) Critique Requested: Since I wrote this as a prequel, it has some unique issues. I'm not sure if it works alone, or if I should market it to just readers of the first novel. Mainly would like feedback on big picture stuff such as plot, pacing, character development, etc. Line editing if you want to. Critique Tolerance: Lay it on me! Experience & Goals: This is my fifth finished novel and it's a part of a series I plan to self-publish. My goal for this one is February or March, so please keep that in mind when requesting. Method of Communication: E-mail is best, google docs if we must. Anything else? Disclaimers?: I'm willing to do a swap if your novel interests me.

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

GirlCalledBob — Wed, 07 Dec 2011 15:11:41 +0000

This is actually the novel I wrote for NaNo last year, but I slacked off finding someone to read over it and now I'm just searching endlessly, so I'd really like to see if there's any interest: Title: Demons with Angel Wings Length, Draft and Language: About 80k words, second draft (typos and language has been checked but not much else), English Brief Summary (not more than 300 words): People are dying in London, drained of their blood; it looks like a vampire is involved, but demon hunter Kitty isn't sure - she's been seeing a vampire in her dreams, but he doesn't act like a killer, and Kitty is desperate to prove that there's something else going on. She only becomes more convinced when she talks to him, and they both realise that there is something very wrong in a small, out of the way church, with a strange seeming window... Of course, convincing her friends to work with a vampire (and his sire, who doesn't even want to be in this novel), might take some doing, when old, ugly connections rear their heads and people start saying things they actually mean. But in the end saving the world has to come first - or, in the case of a couple of so called monsters, maybe just saving each other. Sub Genre & Keywords: vampires, modern fantasy, romance (I guess?) Known Issues: None Critique Requested: Any and all. I'd really like a really in depth critique that looks at everything - language, grammar, phrasing, plot and characters... I also prefer if readers highlight or point out lines that they really like, as well as things that need improving, since I find it just as helpful to know where I'm going right as where I'm going wrong. Critique Tolerance: In depth but not harsh - point out the good as well as the bad, and offer suggestions for improvement rather than just marking all of the flaws. Experience & Goals: I've been writing for years, and this novel was my second NaNo, but I feel I still need some improvement so any and all feedback is helpful. I'd like to be a published author one day, but probably not for some time yet. Method of Communication: Email is preferred, though I also have MSN and a couple of other methods of communication. Anything else? Disclaimers?: There's a little violence and some casual talk of death, though nothing explict; and, though I dislike having to warn for it, I should point out that there is pretty clear and unapologetic homosexual behaviour - nothing graphic, but there is kissing between two men. Also some discussion of religion which I suppose might be offensive to the very religious.

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

sweeneytoddpwns — Wed, 07 Dec 2011 23:25:38 +0000

Title: Howl City Length, Draft and Language: 50,111 words, first draft with spelling and most of the grammar checked out. Brief Summary: A sickness that bends your subconscious is plaguing a realm and Maeli finds that her sister Hannah has come down with it. She ventures to cure her sister by heading to the capital, where she finds herself in an unsuspecting twist of fate....she herself gets sick and must find out how to really save everyone from the inside out. Sub Genre & Keywords - alternate reality, fiction, adventure....erhmmm.... Known Issues - Already a TON of my minor characters are being suppressed by my MC....but any others you find would be really nice. Critique Requested - Plot holes, character development issues, anything else that happens to be there that you find and want to point out. (Please C:) Critique Tolerance - ANYTHING YOU CAN THROW AT ME. I've heard it all. Experience & Goals - I want to do a sequel, but I need to figure out a stronger line for my charries to follow. I've done NaNoWriMo for two years, and my last one is a couple hundred thousand words long....I think that counts a little bit. Method of Communication - nanomail me an email and we can go from there. Anything else? Disclaimers?: nothing. I would be more than happy to read yours if you're interested in mine!

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

Hatsya — Thu, 08 Dec 2011 00:00:57 +0000

Title: The Affected Length, Draft and Language: ~60k, 1st draft (very minor edits), English Brief Summary (not more than 300 words) Isaac Plant knows there is something strange with the new girl in his physics class. For one, she looks like she's fourteen. Two, she has this hulking, moody (boy?)friend who broods over her shoulder. Three, she gets sick a lot. Isaac's friends may not see it, but Isaac is determined that he is going to find out what exactly she is hiding. However, the farther he pushes into her life, the more of his own he leaves behind. To solve the mystery, he must find out what it means to be Affected. Sub Genre & Keywords: Adventure, vampire, action, thriller Known Issues: I feel the minor character Raquel is not very well fleshed out. I meant to base her on someone I know, but I don't think her personality came through. Also, I'm not crazy for the beginning of the book. Critique Requested: I want a critique of the flow, the plot, and the characters. Really, just about everything besides grammar (I will get to that myself later). Right now, I think I just need big strokes. Critique Tolerance: Constructive criticism is always appreciated. Experience & Goals: I've been writing for fun since I was in fifth grade, so about seven years. However, I rarely have people read my work. I've completed one novella that I had some of my family read before, I've attempted many novels, but this is my first finished novel. I don't have any particular plans for this novel as far as publishing versus not publishing. Method of Communication: Nanomail Anything else? Disclaimers? I have a couple of rather dark scenes towards the end of the book, and there is some scattered swearing (my characters are college students, so what do you expect?) Thanks so much for considering to read this for me!

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

wonderwendy — Thu, 08 Dec 2011 03:11:51 +0000

Title: Trashy Fantasy Novel Length, Draft and Language: Will probably end up being around 70,000 words. When I send it to you it will probably be on its third draft. Brief Summary (not more than 300 words) A village disappears overnight. The disappearance is the work of the Black Circle, a mysterious group of slavers. A thief with demonic heritage, an obnoxious Hero of Good and a bard with a gambling problem have adventures as they attempt to rescue the villagers. See profile for excerpt. Sub Genre & Keywords: Action, adventure, romance, travel, humor Known Issues: It isn't edited yet. I'm looking for someone who will read it a few months from now. Am willing to "trade" novels with someone either now or in the future (i.e. I read your novel now and in a few months I send you my complete third draft). Posting here because I'll need critiquing from non family members and such. Critique Requested: I'll let you know. If we swap we can do an "in kind" critique. Reading for fun with a brief critique at the end is fine, and I'll do the same for yours. Am willing to go through a novel line by line if you'll do the same for me (or simply if I enjoy the work). Critique Tolerance: I want brutal honesty. Experience & Goals: Long time reader in SF&F and have written a few short stories. This is my first novel and I want to make it very good (and once that's done, maybe attempt to have it published). Method of Communication: Nanomail so we can exchange email. Anything else? Disclaimers? There is some swearing and violence. There are some sexual references, but the sex itself is "offscreen". Big fan of the fade to black, so if that bugs you, be warned!

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

HLFelix — Thu, 08 Dec 2011 20:15:01 +0000

Title: The Last Salamander: Red Fire Length: 63k and counting. Still working on 1st draft. English. Summary (no more than 300 words): Aidan doesn't know a lot of things. Having absolutely no memory, she doesn't know who she is, how she got to be in California, what happened to her before - she doesn't even know if Aidan is her real name. But in all the things she's not sure of, Aidan know for certain this: that she shouldn't even be alive in the first place. With the help of her Elemental friends, she goes searching for clues to unlock the mystery of her past. But when the Black Claw, an order of assassins, is hired to hunt her down, Aidan's fight to regain her memory becomes a fight for her very life. Sub-Genre/Keywords: Magic, Elementals, Romance, Adventure, Young Adult Known Issues: For starters - not done writing it. After that, some characters are not as fully developed as they need to be (Cody in particular). I want there to be a feel of urgency-life-and-death, and I'm not too sure I got that - but you'll let me know. Critique Requested: Plot, Characters, Pacing - whether or not you wanted to read more and whether the characters spoke/seemed real to you.(no need to mark spelling and grammar mistakes - my grammar queen mother will catch them) Critique Tolerance: Honest, but politely put. No need to be super harsh. Experience/Goals: This is my 4th novel (2nd NaNoWriMo). I am hoping to get this ready and polished for CreateSpace, and in doing so, be able to send out to agents and editors. Method of Communication: NaNoMail. Anything Else: This is still a work in progress - I haven't gotten to the end of writing the 1st draft even. Editing will also be going on at the same time, so things might change even as I send them out. As such, I'll be giving out a chapter at a time, as they are requested.

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

reighchama — Thu, 08 Dec 2011 22:46:54 +0000

Title: The Curse or the Blessing? Prince of the Moon Length: 100 pages. Roughly 47k [Editing took so much of my word count! -wah-] Draft: First and a Half. Language: English Brief Summary (not more than 300 words) Lucius M'kale is a moon child, he has great powers and great prophecies about him, horrible – but great. He does not like his dark powers or what they mean for the nations. He will break the world. He will save the world. He will destroy everyone he loves yet restore them. Morrigan is the Daughter-Lady of Asimov, she has her eyes on Lucius, she see's his weakness to her advantage, she will use him to gain power and glory even greater than his own. She will do so, even if she has to Marry him. Satariel, the banished Moon Child from before even the time of the Treaty of Peace awaits his return, he awaits his return, and his revenge. He knows Lucius will accomplish that, so he awaits his return. Sub Genre & Keywords: Adventuour Angst Known Issues: Tenses, and P.O.V. Understands that when in “Dream Realm” it is hard to understand. Critique Requested: Grammar and Flow. Does everyones names stay the same? Does the servant suddenly become a boy? - Do himans actually move like that? o.O Etc. Please help with my fighting scenes :D Critique Tolerance: Be as harsh as you can be, I know I am. Experience & Goals: This is my third novel, first one I've thought to actually publish Method of Communication: Email, facebook or Msn Anything else? Disclaimers? If you have Microsoft word, apparently there are “so” many spelling and grammar errors [its set in a fantasy word, most locations and names are foreign] that it will not show up [this happened to me at work >.>] My Summaries suck I know this xD

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

Dawnheart — Fri, 09 Dec 2011 01:52:59 +0000

Title: (Still Untitled) Anything But (working title) Length, Draft and Language: 47, 258 words, English Brief Summary (not more than 300 words): Tyson is content with his life until dangerous dreams threaten him at night, and linger around him by day. With his best friends and brothers by his side, Tyson plunges into a world of magic head first, totally unaware of the results. He meets new people, from other worlds, and from his own. They all must learn to work together in time, before a gripping evil force can take root in the magical worlds, and spread to Earth. Can Tyson and his friends handle it, when the magical experts aren’t even sure of which way to turn? Sub Genre & Keywords: Magic, other worlds, battling, friendship Known Issues: bad character development, unfocused plot, rambling on with descriptions, and other things, unnecessary scenes (as in, only show character development) Critique Requested: are descriptions too long? is there redundancy? can you tell the characters apart? where do i need more/less description? [other general critiquing questions] Critique Tolerance: I want your honest opinion. Don't hold back (unless they are hate comments. please filter those.) , Don't make the critiquing flowery or anything. If something needs work, just say it. (Unless you are going to say that my plot /entire story sucks. then try to be nice.) But it would be helpful to have suggestions on how to make it better, along with what's wrong. Experience & Goals: this is my first book that i have actually put a lot of effort into finishing. i have tons of story ideas and plot ideas and **plans** [for several series's actually] but this is the first "almost done with the 1st draft" book and i'm kind of proud even though it sucks. i would like to have it "publish worthy" by next year (basically have it totally finished, so i can start looking for agents and other hard stuff) Method of Communication: email works wonderfully. NaNoMessage for address. Anything else? Disclaimers? This is a YA book. Nothing really bad in it. I'd say ages 10-12+

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

snowandstarlight — Sun, 11 Dec 2011 21:33:17 +0000

Title: Hawksong Length, Draft and Language: 109,692 words, second draft but still rough, English Brief Summary (not more than 300 words): Elani never dreamed that she would be allowed to leave the island of Naman. But when the mainland province of Pyrus requests Naman's help in their war against Agovion, she and five other children are sent across the sea. There they become spies, using the shapeshifting power that is their birthright. When Elani is captured and becomes a slave in Agovion, she begins to rethink her ideas about the war and about her future. Sub Genre & Keywords: Young Adult, magic, growing up, romance Known Issues: Well it started as a NaNo project, so it still has some of those rambling passages from days when I didn't know where the story was going. The world is still very undeveloped. I also have some problems with the characters acting and speaking their age; they're supposed to be growing up throughout the story. Critique Requested: As much as possible would be great! Most importantly, pacing and whether it makes you want to keep reading (and which parts drag), characters, plot, continuity Critique Tolerance: Very honest, but in a nice way. I want to know what needs improvement but I'd also like to know what I did well. Experience & Goals: This was my first NaNo and my first completed novel. Since then I have won twice more but those stories aren't quite as finished. I've taken creative writing classes and I would love to get published someday. Method of Communication: E-mail or Nanomail Anything else? Disclaimers? There's a little bit of violence I guess but I think it's overall pretty tame.

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

She BElieVIEd — Sat, 17 Dec 2011 02:28:00 +0000

Title: Evol Length, Draft and Language: 111 pages so far, draft number one, English Brief Summary (not more than 300 words) They're taking over. Our brains. Our hearts. Not inside our bodies. If you past the test. If you prove your superb intelligence--they will let you live, inside a new body. Inside the body of a robot, indestructible, impossibly knowledgeble, and not you. For some, this is a dream, if they're lucky enough to pass. Even with all the right answers, they have to like you if you want to continue on, if you want to succeed by winning your own life. And every emotion inside you will go away, minus love. They say this will cause love to rule over all, to create a world of peace. They couldn't be more wrong. Sub Genre & Keywords: Hmm. I can't really think of anything... Known Issues: Grammar/spelling mistakes. Like I said, first draft--anything you catch, you can share with me. Critique Requested: I want to know what you liked (if anything), what there should be more of. I need to know if it makes sense, if you can pick up on the drift of things and begin to understand how the world works in Evol. I need to know what you think of character names, and of my use of the five senses. Critique Tolerance: Give it to me hard. Unless you feel completely incapable of saying anything bad...then you should probably work on your editing skills. I know I have minor and major mistakes, both. Experience & Goals: I don't know if this material that can be sold. Mainly because, I did not write it for that purpose. I write because I enjoy to write--and I'm VERY curious to see how people react to anything, my writing included. Method of Communication: Nanomail whenever possible. To send the actual story, though, email seems to work best. Anything else? Disclaimers? There is death--murder--but it is done in such a way that I think it is not a serious issue as far as being too gruesome or puke-inducing. Thank you!

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

NightCat — Sat, 17 Dec 2011 04:59:47 +0000

Title: Wind's Exodus Length, Draft and Language: A little under 10k (this is only the prologue and the first two or three chapters), fourth draft, English Brief Summary (not more than 300 words): Strange dreams of a battle in another land have been plaguing former soldier Thaala for months. Unfortunately, this seems to be the only memory she has left about her former life. Anything before the time she had been found near death in a nearby temple had been wiped from her mind, and she suspects that it might not be an accident. When two mercenaries come looking for her, the Harpy woman finds herself caught in the middle of a war between two factions of demigods and threatens to tear the world apart. Sub Genre & Keywords: High fantasy, battle, magic, adventure, action Known Issues: Descriptions of the world still need work and at least one of evil characters need more personality, and there's another character who I'm thinking of either changing or cutting out completely. Critique Requested: I'm just looking for an overall critique for now, though feel free to go more in-depth if you'd like. I'm trying to get this finished before Christmas to give to my family as a gift, I just want to make sure that there are no huge issues that I've overlooked. I'm at the point where I just need a fresh pair of eyes to look at it and to tell me what works and what doesn't so that I can have a better idea on what to focus on in editing. The biggest things would be first impressions of the characters, expectations from this beginning, and what can I do to improve the reader's immersion into this world. Critique Tolerance: Please be honest, but not unnecessarily harsh. I need to know what I'm doing right as well as what I'm doing wrong, so that I know what I should leave alone in subsequent edits. Experience & Goals: I've been working on this novel for about four years now, and I only completed it during NaNo 2010. Right now I'm just focusing on finishing a solid fourth draft to allow family and friends to read, but I would like to try to get it published someday in the distant future. Otherwise I've been writing for many years and have written many short stories and one other novel. Method of Communication: NaNoMail for now, e-mail later. Anything else? Disclaimers?: There's a little bit of violence since it opens with a battle. Also, the summary above might be a bit misleading; though the main character is a Harpy, it's not exactly in the classical Grecian sense. I'm also willing to critique something in return after the holidays. If you find this introduction interesting and would like a look at the full ~130k novel as well, that would be amazing but not necessary.

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

Isis kid — Sun, 18 Dec 2011 10:49:12 +0000

Title:The Story Of Our Will Length, Draft and Language:About 61,500. Second Draft. English Brief Summary (not more than 300 words) Cub and his girlfriend, Berry, live in a fake world. It's our world perfect, but that's just the experiment fooling them.When they escape, science is just useless when Keeper helps their paths to Runako, the descendent of the White Magician. By dreams they'll fight to meet. They'll have to face the troubling souls that were trapped in Runako's family pains ,and changed to killing people instead of helping on accident. They'll have to face the Black Magician, the on that killed the White Magician, but releases Cub's and Runako's family history in why they are destined to be deeply interfered in each others lives while ending the fight. But can they kill the Black Magician, someone deep in Runako's ancestor's history? Real people, science people, and magic people will have to come together to save lives. But let's not forget the sweetest part about being a teen and have to save lives. Weapons, jokes, love, stupidly is the only thing not cracking the young bunch by the pressure. There's nothing like a starting school riots, or how the economy effected Hell somehow, or social class of homeless people... Saving lives, epic fights, and a species names Henry, how much more can you ask for? Sub Genre & Keywords: Preteen, Action, Humor, Magic Known Issues: I think rushed some events. Maybe some parts are too childish (but i am one) and i might not make sense, but i'm not sure. Critique Requested: Everything really, but mostly my plot and description Critique Tolerance: Be truthful, but not so hurt full! Don't expect me to make something like Shakespeare or deep enough to make Mr. T cry. Experience & Goals: First time writing a novel, first year on Nano Method of Communication: Nanomail Anything else? Disclaimers? I have a scene where they hint they were having sex, but i don't describe any of it. I have a scene in Hell and the offer summer jobs and places for orgys so if you find that completely weird then don't critique this. I have violence, and people that pass spirits on, but i never say Hell or Heaven.

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

Taytortots — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 16:19:09 +0000

Title: The Shadow World (At this point only a working title) Length, Draft and Language: 45 Pages right now, I'm working out the kinks. Brief Summary (not more than 300 words)- Tala was powerful, but until June 24th she was just a sixteen-year-old orphan, who had just graduated from The Warlock Manor where she was raised from birth. When the leaders of the other Shadow Races go missing, the world is launched into chaos, not excluding the Warlock Manor and more importantly, the people she had thought were the most powerful on earth. When her headmaster is murdered Tala is unexpectedly named his predecessor, the new leader of the Warlock shadow race. It now falls on Tala to save her world and reunite the six feuding Shadow Races to take on an evil force unknown whose plans for destroying their world are quickly approaching. She is forced down an unexpected road of challenges that will test not only everything she believed true, but her faith in herself. Sub Genre & Keywords: Sword and Sorcery, Young Adult, Epic, Some Romance, though not the main focus Known Issues: The beginning needs much improvement, other than that I need an outsiders view. I know it needs work. Critique Requested: Everything and Anything that you can manage or see that’s wrong. Critique Tolerance: As I said, I know it needs work. Don't be afraid of hurting my feelings. As long as you say things respectfully and in a polite way, I could really care less how much you're ripping apart my novel, it will be better for it in the end. As long as you're doing it to help me, tear apart the book. Experience & Goals: I've been writing for a while, but this is the first one that I've really loved. I want to publish it, because I think the idea is good. Method of Communication: Email, Instant Message, whatever really. Anything else? Disclaimers? Some swearing, a lot of fighting, but nothing really too gory. As i said, it's a work in progress.

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

CAHighwind — Wed, 21 Dec 2011 00:39:35 +0000

Title: The Phoenix Prince Length, Draft and Language: 88,300 words, 4th draft, English. Brief Summary (not more than 300 words) When Keiran gets word that his father is dead, he finds himself mired in a battle against a demon summoning madman for the crown. As a vampire, he is well aware that there are no tales of his ilk governing with compassion. Keiran wishes, above all else, to be the exception to this rule. He continues his life-long abstinence from human blood, believing it to be the only way to hold onto his ideals and humanity. However, there are consequences to his self-imposed starvation. He lives in a state of vulnerability, and he is without any of the supernatural benefits that vampires are said to possess. This, combined with Keiran’s tendency to play outside of the rules, cause his friends to worry about his safety. They know that there are those who would do anything to stop a vampire from coming to power. One such man is the previous king’s Grand Councillor, Peirte. He won’t be dissuaded from exploiting the prince’s weaknesses, and he sets out to have Keiran assassinated before he can change his mind and obtain immortality. Once a priest, Peirte has become obsessed with dark magic and demon summoning. If he can kill the prince, he will steal Keiran’s birthright for his own. Sub Genre & Keywords: Gothic Fantasy, vampire Known Issues: Uncertain Critique Requested: Any and all honest thoughts. Critique Tolerance: As long as it's helpful, it's all aces to me. Experience & Goals: Method of Communication: Nano mail, or email, but send me a message here first. Anything else? Disclaimers? Violence, blood, some language.

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

KatieDovel — Thu, 22 Dec 2011 20:44:57 +0000

Alright, it's now in the second stage of editing. It's been cleared up and I've added some clarification. Now I'm just looking for what else I need to add, where I might need to add more clarification, new scenes, etc.

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

Kamboolii — Wed, 28 Dec 2011 14:27:24 +0000

Title: Beginning in Paradox, Part 1: Kuldorii Length, Draft and Language: ~164K, 3rd draft, English Brief Summary As always, the Wu sends three - warrior, mage, and archer - regardless of the odds against them or what they must face they are expected to accomplish their task. In this Detrimon the High Elf Arbiter Nappa Ree selects the drug-addled Uuboreal ArchMage Chambeeta Kamboolii, the bitter Eloki Archer Kai Etru, and the primitive Groll Warrior Shoto. The task seems menial; the return of the Princess Rokinna Makasha to her Kingdom in the Realm of Kuldorii, but the resulting branches formed in the Wu timeline throw doubt into every action. Two pathways will eventually lay before these agents of the Wu. One leading to the end of the Wu and the domination of the Drathraq Empire over the realmhead. The other path leads to the potential destruction of all life in the Tanalithic realms. This is the choice set before them, and only the forgotten childhood dreams of the ArchMage Chambeeta Kamboolii exist as a guide. Faced with an impossible challenge, can Chambeeta Kamboolii resolve the paradox he himself began before he loses his buzz? Will the reluctant Princess choose to give up her life and her love to return to her Kingdom and save her people? Has anything so monumentally important ever been attempted with tools this dull? Sub Genre & Keywords: Technomagical Epic Fantasy. Time travel. Paradox. Weird. Alternative. Cross-genre. Known Issues: May be missing some scene descriptions. May have some typos. Critique Requested: Entertainment value. Word flow. Plot. Characterization. Critique Tolerance: Both positive and negative feedback are fine. I would like to know if it's entertaining and if it holds a reader's interest. How easy is it to get into for someone who enjoys this genre? If some of it is boring, which parts? Are there areas that require better environmental descriptions? Do the characters seem solid? Experience & Goals: I've been writing novels since a child, typically SF. I've self-published one YAF novel. This novel is part of a series that I would like to continue. The first three in this trilogy have been drafted to completion and are in edit. This is the first book in the trilogy. I would like to edit this novel to completion and attempt to query agents going the traditional route before self-publishing if I cannot elicit interest otherwise. Method of Communication: Email works best. You can contact me through Nano email. The name here is Kamboolii. I will provide the manuscript in ebook format (a .prc file). Most ebook readers can handle this format (Nook, Kindle, etc.). You can also read it on a PC by installing an ebook reader if you wish, but it's easiest if you simply side-load it to a Kindle, Nook, iPad or tablet. Anything else? Disclaimers? This novel is adult and contains extensive drug use throughout. It also contains occasional expletives, and discussion of elements of a sexual nature (although no explicit sex scenes as this is not erotic fiction). Certain concepts in the plot line may seem complicated at first.

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

Quialiss — Fri, 30 Dec 2011 12:22:16 +0000

Title: Witty Title Here Length: 55k give or take a few thousand Draft: Halfway through to a second draft, I'll send it out when I finish. Language: English Brief Summary: There's only one thing Gery really wants to know: What is Justice? He took up with city guards, and with bandits, and found he liked the bandits justice more. He took up with assassins, and found that he and murder got along. Then his victims starting rising from the dead intent on hunting him down, and things got a little more complicated. Sub Genre & Keywords: comedy, undead, low fantasy, serial killer, insane protagonist Known Issues: It has some pacing and POV issues, I'm currently in the process of working those out going from first to second draft, so hopefully the second draft will just be full of things I don't know are horrible. Critique Requested: What made you smile or laugh? What bored you to tears? Which characters did you like? Who did you hate? Append a 'why?' to all of those. I'm currently around 50/50 on readers either absolutely loathing or loving my MC and I'd like to figure out if I can get rid of some of the loathing without completely destroying his character. Any other critique on plot, style, or anything you care to do is also welcome. Critique Tolerance: Don't hold back. I have friends for that. Experience & Goals: Never published, I have a couple unfinished first drafts laying around begging to be edited, none of them have never gotten to the point where I thought 'hey, I should try to get this published.' I'd like an honest opinion on this story, if you think I can make it into something worth publishing. Method of Communication: Nanomail, then email. Anything else? Disclaimers? The main character is a serial killer. That said, while there's some killing, there's not much gore. If there's any swearing it's because I managed to miss editing it out. I'm interested in swaps, we can exchange first chapters or first 5k or what have you, see if we're both still interested in doing the whole novel, and go from there.

Critique/Mentor/Motivation any or all requested Thanks!

Eislemike — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 17:02:01 +0000

Title: Changing Fate Length, Draft and Language: 10K, 1st Draft, English 10% finished? Brief Summary (not more than 300 words) My main character doesn't feel he belongs in the farm life with his higher in class fiance. He leaves his situation to discover himself, and in doing so discovers races that were thought lost and a battle for the continent that he didn't know was occurring. He finds that he was destined to become the dragon savior, bringing back the elves and dwarves from the brink of extinction and remaking their alliance that had fallen to tatters. He goes on to discover that evil has taken root in the human empire and the rulers are sucking the very life from their people. He leads the elves and dwarves on a mission to save the very race that all but made them extinct. But in the second installment he might come to find that the evil he will got rid of may have been keeping back an even greater threat.... Sub Genre & Keywords: newbie Known Issues: Point of view problems, I'm sure there is a host of other problems Critique Requested: Anything and everything, don't worry about editing, I'll probably have to rewrite most of it anyway. Critique Tolerance: Needs to be constructive, first attempt at writing and even if Its not publishable, I would like to get through a book just to know I can do it. Experience & Goals: To start a writing career/side career(if need be) Never written before, but I've read hundreds of fantasy novels. Method of Communication: eislemike@gmail.com or through this site Anything else? Disclaimers? I'd love to hear things that would help out my book, but even a "it is enjoyable enough to read" would be immensely helpful in motivation!

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

Mitsukai-aka — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 20:43:29 +0000

Title: Court's Deception Length, Draft and Language: Now that I've started chopping some, the length is down to 43k roughly. This is the first draft and it's written in English. Brief Summary (not more than 300 words) Court’s Deception is the story of Mira a Healer who works for the Guard. The story opens up with her Healing a member of the Dragon Court who has been dosed with a rare drug, Dreamer’s Dust. The story then follows Mira, as she has to find out who is creating the drug, why are there people in the Court going missing and help Heal the people who are coming in, dying from the drug. On top of that she has to prove that she is most definitively not a Dragon! Sub Genre & Keywords: mystery, dragon, drugs, cannibalism Known Issues: The two biggest issues I can see are that I have an issue with switching tenses at times and not noticing it and not seeing where I need to fill in information that I discovered later, but should have been known earlier. An example of this would be the main character being 'territorial', and not knowing how to work that in earlier in the book. Critique Requested: I'd like a critique to help with the plot holes as mentioned in my flaws, and the general flow of the story. If more is offered, it would be greatly appreciated, but it's not a requirement. Critique Tolerance: Constructive but solid. I want to know what you like and what you don't. I want to know what I can improve and what could use being moved around. I don't want you to offer a critique though if it's only to point out the flaws. Experience & Goals: I've been writing since middle school (roughly 8 years now) and I've finished numerous stories in between. I finished NaNo last year, but this is the first novel that I'm planning on sending out to agents. Method of Communication: NaNo mail would be a start and then gmail if possible? I can't chat too often more due to time restraints than anything, but if you need to have an actual 'chat' I will do my best to set up a time. Anything else? Disclaimers? I wrote the story by the seat of my pants. I really didn't have a plan from the outset other than the idea of a Dragon Court. The rest sort of sprung up from there. I think that's obvious in the way the characters develop and the writing coalesces as it goes along. I hope that someone will be kind enough to read this, and more so I hope that anyone that does offer to read it will enjoy it, since that is my ultimate goal, to write something people will like reading.

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

Star Kindler — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 04:34:51 +0000

Title: The Readers Length, Draft and Language: About 60k, first draft, and it is written in English Brief Summary (not more than 300 words) The Readers is about a group of people who have the ability to "read" reality and assess the probability of something occurring along with more creative uses of this power (eg being able to project false visions of reality and influence it to some degree). They try to protect others from a group called The Legion, who's leader is considered immortal. This Legion is believed to be responsible for most if not all of the vampire legends in the world (be they classic Dracula, Chinese vampire types, or anywhere in between) When a Reader named Sarah Cantira is born who has been prophecised to meet this leader in combat with the fate of both organizations in the balance, they struggle for either control (the Legion) or the death (The Readers) of Sarah. Sub Genre & Keywords: Science fiction, free will Known Issues: Don't worry about typos or grammar. I already know it ain't pretty but it's readable. I know there are several characters I am going to have to go back and flesh out more in a second draft. The story hangs together as is but could use said fleshing out. Critique Requested: I am really looking to have the plot and the characters critiqued. I am partway through a second draft but I am having trouble convincing myself it's worth the trouble. Also, I want to make sure the characters are coming off as intended and not as whiny idiots (unless I was going for whiny idiot). Critique Tolerance: Lay it on me. I am not afraid to hear that parts of my work (or all of it) sucks. I can't make it better if I don't know what's wrong (or what's right for that matter). Experience & Goals: I have been writing for my own pleasure for years. I've had a short story and a few poems published in a small (and I do mean small) literary magazine but nothing beyond that. This story is the first of four in a series I am writing about the Readers and Sarah. I have first drafts done for the first three books and am working on one for the fourth. When I'm done and I'm sure I've got the story straight in my head and on paper, I wish to go back and do a vigorous re-write of my first story (being The Readers) and shop it around for publication. Method of Communication: Nano mail to start with and then e-mail. If you wish to chat online I can arrange a time and a place for that as well. Anything else? Disclaimers? I know this story might come off as a standard "Chosen One" riff at first, but as the story progresses overall I plan to subvert it brutally. I tried to lay little hints in this story, (and it's one of the things I want to improve in a re-write) but it doesn't really become apparent until the next book in the series. It's a weird balance for me to try and strike though because I don't want people to realize at first so I can try and catch them off-guard. Also, I have a crippling weakness for parentheses (did you notice?). I guess really what I am trying to do is convince myself my story is not stupid.

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

skymessenger — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 17:45:34 +0000

[Removed, not a request for readers]

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

Rushshock — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 01:11:06 +0000

Title: Mere Immortals Length, Draft and Language: Around 500 words on second draft (I was unhappy with the first couple chapters. My first draft only had about 5k words on it), second draft first wasn't finished so really first draft, english Brief Summary (not more than 300 words) Elzar is of the immortal community, when the creator of this community -his name isn't finalized- asks them to create a successor, Elzar is lost. He turns to a village when children have been stored away for testing of a lethal disease. Traders sell these children to said scientists for testing. He slaughters the scientists and takes the first strong child. Her name is Astral. A child said to have hair like flames. My story is about how he teaches her to fight. Immortals are assassins for their creator, their deity. Later in the book Astral becomes fully pledged, I don't have a future beyond that. Sub Genre & Keywords: Fantasy, Assassins, Multi-species, Nuclear Wastelands (a couple chapters when Elzar takes Astral to a bomb testing island) Known Issues: grammar, so editing. the story is a bit iffy if you ask me. Critique Requested: Basically on everything. Critique Tolerance: Hit me with you best shot, I can take it. Experience & Goals: 4 years of trying to write a book. Finished a manuscript, but kept it for myself. (I was so scared to send it off...not to mention I was having personal problems at the time.) Method of Communication: Email, or Nanomail Anything else? Disclaimers? Well...I guess I am pretty easy going. I just wanna warn people about my horrible spelling lol.

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

phantom000 — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 18:16:48 +0000

Title: None, as yet. Length, Draft and Language: 13032 words, second draft english Brief Summary: Prince James embarks on a quest to rescue the Princess Amelia who was kidnapped by a dragon. Along the way he faces a number of obstacles which test his character as a man. What he doesn't realize is that the princess set this all up to test him to see if he was truly worthy of her. Sub Genre & Keywords: Fantasy and a little mystery Known Issues: I am really pressed for time so i haven't done much proof reading or editing on it. Critique Requested: I need someone to tell me what i did right and what I did wrong. I want it at least a little in depth but i need it quickly as this needs to be finalized by February First. I have some questions I would like answered, I will let you know what they are when i send it to you. Critique Tolerance: Be brutally honest, I love it! Experience & Goals: It's for an anthology me and some buddies are planning to publish later this year. Method of Communication: Send me a Nano mail with what ever contact information you want. I can send it through an e-mail or transfer it via Skype or Yahoo IM, your choice. Anything else? Disclaimers?

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

phantom000 — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 18:17:41 +0000

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

DefiantDeer — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 19:38:04 +0000

Title: Chocolocks Length, Draft and Language: Around 50k words, first unedited draft, English Brief Summary: Sub Genre & Keywords: fairy tale Known Issues: When I was writing this, I was so far behind that all I did was shut off my brain and just ramble out words and sentences so I could catch up. It's long-winded and rambling. Critique Requested: I don't have an ending right now, and my climax is nonexistent. I'd like someone to help me out with that, and also help me cut down the amount of fairy tales that are told in the story. Also, characterization. I feel like my characters are all wishy-washy. Critique Tolerance: I want constructive criticism. Please don't just tell me everything I've done wrong. I want to know what you like about the story too, if something's funny, if you think the story would flow better if incident A moved to this spot, etc. I can handle some hard words, but don't bash it into the ground please. Experience & Goals: I've written stories before, but nothing of this length before and I was never this serious about it. If it's possible, I'd like to see this published, but I'm realistic enough to know that's not going to happen with what I have now. Method of Communication: I'll e-mail the file to you, then it doesn't matter if you want to Skype IM, MSN IM, keep e-mailing back and forth, or what. I have virtually everything. Anything else? Disclaimers? The last three-fourths of this were written in 3 days, and it shows. I didn't have an outline in mind, the only thing I was going off of was an idea for a painting I had in mind from the summer.

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

DefiantDeer — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 19:58:02 +0000

Oops, sent that too soon. Summary: Ashlie's mom sends her to deliver a cake for her grandmother's birthday, but she unfortunately never makes it. On the way there, Ashlie trips down a hill and wakes up in a strange place called Otherland. Soon, she is met by a boy with floppy rabbit ears, introducing himself as an Ani-Human and making her his pet. But there's a higher power playing with Otherland that soon becomes clear when Ashlie meets another Ani-Human and things suddenly start spiraling out of control. Ashlie needs to leave Otherland. But how? Please NanoMail me if interested; I'll give you my e-mail then.

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

frenziedmythology — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 01:34:19 +0000

Title: (Still undecided, although probably) Ancient Calling Length, draft, language: 11 thousand words and counting, first draft, English Brief summary: Rhiaza, a power-hungry creature, is seven feet taller than a twenty-year-old human. His warriors, the Warriors of Rhiaza, can be stopped only with the sword of Aren, which was named Nurr'tor, which means "Final Breath". Or, it should have been. Aren must find the Thorn of Vilerius Carrus, a dagger which holds the blade that can stop Rhiaza. The only one. The Warriors of Light, warriors dressed in white, fight for the Lord of the Other World, who will arrive to destroy Rhiaza once and for all. But, if Aren fails, then Rhiaza will make sure that the Lord doesn't arrive. Rhiaza controls the docks. Nobody can enter without his permission. Or unless he's defeated. Sub-genre and key words, fantasy, war Known issues: I haven't edited this yet Critique requested: Just tell me whether or not you think that my battles, or the ones so far, are too short. Anything else, too Critique tolerance: Constructive. Tell both the pros AND cons Experience and goals: I really want to publish this when it's ready. I have written several short stories before. (None have been published, or even tried) Method of communication: nanomail Anything else? disclaimers? Well, there's soon to be some intense battle sequences, some ruthless murder, although I haven't gotten to where it would be too bad yet, but mostly the battles, I think, go too quickly to be puke-invoking. I don't get too descriptive. And it says that someone swore under his breath, but the word wasn't included. And, also, I have a couple of people doing this for me, so I only need a couple more. Thanks! Oh, and I'll also read yours if the genre and topic doesn't bore me. (And if it does, that doesn't mean it's bad. Just that I'm not interested. I'm picky like that.) Thanks.

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

frenziedmythology — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 03:31:17 +0000

Just so you know, most of what I wrote up there now doesn't apply. I got some critiques already and am currently rewriting to fir in more detail, so the word count is maybe two thousand. There are no battles as of yet, and no one "swearing under their breath." If you still want to read it, contact me via nanomail and I'll give you more details. Thanks!

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

Kwahzutah — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 02:49:56 +0000

Title:Chasing Godcats Length, Draft and Language:Maybe 60k, in English. First Draft, but has been screened for spelling/grammar issues. Brief Summary (not more than 300 words): Tol'Solie is the biggest coward in the Solune Kingdom, but that doesn't stop a power-hungry Baron from employing him in a position of military power. But when that Baron's wife designates Solie as her Champion, to the wonder of all, Solie finds all eyes on him to his fear and shame. Internal faction struggles and a Northern threat converge on the Kingdom, and the simplest actions of the Solune Queen have more far-reaching consequences than she ever expected. Sub Genre & Keywords:Almost sword-and sorcery, some politics. Tragic, in a way, and ironic. Known Issues:Plot development may not be as smooth as I intended it, and some holes may occur. I'd like screening more for content than grammar. Critique Requested:Character-development, plot, setting, anything the proofreader wants to offer! Critique Tolerance:Very high. Chances are, if one person thinks something is stupid, someone else will. I like honesty. Experience & Goals:My second novel, first finished. I'd like to see about publishing as an ebook at a future date. Method of Communication:Email would be fantastic. Anything else? Disclaimers?

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

angrypotato69 — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 22:48:44 +0000

Title: Deliverance Length: 10,000 words (English) The piece of work needing critiquing is intended to be a graphic novel, for ease of readers it is put in short story format, some dialogue is missing, but it still reads well. I would like any help no matter what is said as this is my first attempt. Brief: God and the Devil are gone, The gates of heaven and hell are open and the inhabitants are free to roam this world again. Goals : if this receives good reviews and i can find help with the art i would like to attempt publishing but its my first attempt and written for enjoyment. Thank you so much to anyone who offers help, i appreciate anyone who takes time to help others even if you hate it :)

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

multiman33 — Tue, 07 Feb 2012 13:08:20 +0000

Title: Nothing yet Length: Not sure Brief Summary: So I am doing this for my wife because she is afraid to show anyone her work. I am not biased when it comes to her writing, so I wanted to know what someone outside of our little circle thought. The story revolves around a young girl who is dealing with a very demanding mother, medical school, and the recent death of one of her friends to which she was a witness to the murder. The killer attacked her in the process, and left two puncture marks on her neck to remember him by. This is probably a very bad synopsis of the story, but I am not the writer. I can send you the first chapter, and if you like what you read, then continue. Sub Genre & Keywords: Fantasy with a little romance Known issues: Need for unbiased readers for critique Critique requested: Any and everything. I really need to someone to tell her if it is any good or if she can actually write. Actually, tell me first and then I will tell her. Critique Tolerance: Since this is done in secret, as honest as possible. You will not hurt my feelings. Experience and Goals: This is her third novel she has written but the first attempt to let someone read it other than the family. Goals: To see if her writing is any good. If it is, then move further as a writer. Method of Communication: Nano mail would be great Please help out if you can. She has written quite a bit of the story but has lost some of her inspiration because she thinks it is no good and no one would read it. Thank you for your time.

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

frenziedmythology — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 00:41:25 +0000

Ok. Sorry, but I have had enough critiques and am currently working. Thanks

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

Kayla Rain — Mon, 13 Feb 2012 01:48:04 +0000

Title: Beyond Length, Draft and Language: Well the full thing is about 148k, but I only need 16k critiqued. It's my fifth draft, and I don't plan on editing it any more. English. Brief Summary: Jaycee Everett is finishing her second year of high school, when the parallel universe of Bythenia is revealed to her – and news that, in the world of Celestieal, a war is brewing. The kings have reached their breaking point, and one of them, spurred on by his ambitious friend, threatens battle. In a place where average people are blessed with not-so-average abilities, the results could be catastrophic - and have in recent times. The population of Celestieal is falling. The people are starving. And the kings, so wrapped up with their own worries, notice little of the suffering going on. But Jaycee, and the strange Demetri Rune, do – and they're willing to do something about it. Sub Genre & Keywords: Fantasy, action. Known Issues: Beginnings. I can't write beginnings. Middles are lovely, endings are fun. But I loathe the first few chapters. I'm satisfied with everything else, except for the 16k I need critiqued. Also, I have a bad habit of making things happen really quickly. Critique Requested: I need to know if I did in fact make things happen too quickly in this 16k and if it is any good at all. I feel like my writing is weak here, specifically in dialogue. Also if the main character is relatable because I had that problem in my first draft. Critique Tolerance: Constructive and honest. Pros and Cons. Experience & Goals: I'd like to get this published as soon as possible, and it is the first thing I've written. Method of Communication: Nano Mail. Anything else? I'd be happy to critique yours too. :)

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

Becca Jayne — Wed, 15 Feb 2012 08:29:06 +0000

Title: The God Keepers Length, Draft and Language: approx 74k, 2nd draft, english Brief Summary the gods have been stripped of their power and want it back regardless of the means/ consequences. the world is ruled by a college of magic called the Universium which is currently under attack by a rouge fire mage and is struggling to deal with magics increasing instability. Callie flees her betrothed after he assualts her and meets an enigmatic mage called Grace who offers to help her get revenge and Callie is drawn into his life and his private war with the Universium and eventually realises that she can't handle living in his world but is unable to return to her own. Sub Genre & Keywords: fantasy, magic Known Issues: grammer, not sure how well the story/plot flows and world could probably do with some fleshing out Critique Requested: does my world make sense? are there any major plot holes? do the characters stay in character? Critique Tolerance: constructive, tell me what's good, what needs improving and what needs a complete rewrite and anything else you feel like pointing out Experience & Goals: first novel i've written, i would like to write more in this world but i'm not sure if i actually want everyone else to read it Method of Communication: nanomail Anything else? Disclaimers? attempted rape, poisoning and some swearing, occassional creepiness that boarderlines on overkill. No one else has read this before so i have no idea where the problems are etc.

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

Transcendent — Wed, 15 Feb 2012 13:09:16 +0000

Title: Bloodlines Length, Draft and Language: WIP; First Draft; English Brief Summary (not more than 300 words): For years, Daniel was the apprentice of Balthazar, one of the three sorcerers of the Seelie Court. He learned the ways of magic from a man who insisted he had been the apprentice of Merlin himself alongside the apprentice sorceress Zipporah. But after an... incident, Daniel left his apprenticeship for good, returning to the "real world". But the Call is stronger than he thought. Something is attacking the Courts. Something is killing off the sorcerers, sorceresses, and fae members of both Courts. And the Lords and Ladies want answers. As the only outsider to manage to hide from them for years on end, Daniel is both the only suspect and the only hope the Courts have. The Courts must put aside a grudge that goes back centuries to find out what hunting them, before countless human lives became caught in whatever supernatural crossfire there is. Sub Genre & Keywords: Fantasy; Horror; Perhaps a bit of Romance Known Issues: Commas... Assorted types of grammar, but sometimes I make English cry with my manic abuse of commas. Also, description amount/placement. It feels like I'm either shoving description in at bad places or not putting in enough. It's weird... Critique Requested: Anything and everything you notice and feel the need to point out. I don't have anything as far as a deadline, so if you feel the need to go in-depth, do so. Grammar, plot, characters, dialogue... if it bugs you, point it out, tell me why, tell me how you think I can improve. Also, if you're feeling kind, I PROCRASTINATE like there's no tomorrow. If I take, like... a week to post, poke me with a stick to make sure I'm alive. Also, I'll probably talk to you about the story itself. Critique Tolerance: I mean... I have feelings and such, but I don't want all sunshine and roses. Like I said, if you feel its necessary to point out that my main female is a Mary-Sue (One of my worst nightmares), do so. Experience & Goals: Most of my experience has been in fanfiction (I'm actually working on a Sorcerer's Apprentice one right now as well), and most of my ability has come from feedback on that front and going back and rereading it. This is the first time I'm attempting to write out an actual, honest-to-god book, though this is hardly the first idea. It rarely gets past the idea stage. I think of my brain as being similar to Leonardo Da Vinci's, not in awesomeness, but in sheer flightiness. I start something, get a new idea, and then jump to that. It's annoying. Method of Communication: Nanomail me with your preference. I've got gmail (email and IM), yahoo (email) and AIM (IM) Anything else? Disclaimers?

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

Mythos — Thu, 16 Feb 2012 02:06:30 +0000

Title: White Flame Length, Draft and Language: 4K (Short Story), Third, English Brief Summary (not more than 300 words): Sky's home city is being attacked by artificial angels. As she is trying to escape the destruction she meets Fayth, an agent working to stop the angels. Together they try to escape from the city. Sub Genre & Keywords: angels, demons, Known Issues: I know I have weak description and some minor proofreading errors. Critique Requested: I'd like you tell me what you think of the characters and world. Is there too exposition? Is there not enough? Critique Tolerance: I can usually take anything as long as it is said in a constructive way. Experience & Goals: I'm hoping to enter this short story in a contest. Method of Communication: Send me a nanomail and then we can trade emails. Anything else? Disclaimers?

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

Chippie — Mon, 20 Feb 2012 05:38:41 +0000

Title: Smoldering (working title ONLY) Length, Draft and Language: Currently ~43k, with a goal of at least 61k. First draft. English. Brief Summary (not more than 300 words): Bridget Devlin is nineteen years old and one semester away from her Bachelor’s degree when two men from another world attack her, forcing Siph and Gard, not-quite-human agents of a multi-world CIA-like organization, to bring her back to headquarters. It’s a place full of strange people and the gateway to even stranger lands, and Bridget soon finds herself signed up as a linguistic code-breaker. It’s hard adjusting; Gard is way too carefree, Siph has all the friendliness of a sea urchin, and Bridget’s first assignment is to decipher a code language that will save or doom the land called Zalú — Siph’s homeland. The more she gets to know Siph, the more Bridget is certain he’s not the demon everyone takes him for. Thanks to his curse, getting him to believe that might just be more imperative than playing translator. Sub Genre & Keywords: Young Adult, SF&F, other worlds, secret agents, organizations, linguist, code-breaking, madness, curse, tyrant Known Issues: I'm still trying to work out formatting thanks to all the different languages, so there might be some inconsistencies. Please disregard those. Critique Requested: 1) I feel like I need more scenes in the beginning for foreshadowing, and to avoid the one huge infodump I have in chapter 9. I also feel that the pacing is off in general for the first few chapters. 2) On a broader scale, I'd like to hear first reactions, thoughts on characters (likeable? believable?) and the plot (intriguing? convoluted? holey?). Critique Tolerance: I've been doing this a long time and have a pretty thick skin. Please be honest. Experience & Goals: I've been writing with the intent to publish for over over a decade now, trying out a number of different stories. I think this is the one that's going to be my debut, as well as the first in a series, so please give me the best critique you can! :) Method of Communication: I upload the chapters on google docs; I'd appreciate getting all feedback there, just to have it in one place. PM me with your email address and I'll add you to the share list. Anything else? Disclaimers?: I am a little paranoid about theft as it's happened to me once before. To that effect, just know that I have all I need to prove that I wrote it first. (And I don't mean to offend anyone; It just saddens me that there is always *one* person out there somewhere with no common sense...)

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

webwriter5 — Fri, 24 Feb 2012 14:23:18 +0000

Title: The Moon Breaker Length, Draft and Language: 2000 words, first draft, English Brief Summary (not more than 300 words) Forty thousand years ago, a dragon, a giant and a dream creature(quori) sacrificed themselves to destroy a moon and a threat to the world. Or did they? History tells us that the dragon betrayed his oath and did not give his spirit, taking the body of another and living on. And now the giant has returned. A group of young adventurers looking for fame and fortune does not yet realize that their story is intertwined with the fate of the dragon, the giant and the quori. As they discover their own abilities and powers, they begin to unravel the mystery surrounding the ancient ritual and the returning threat to the world of Eberron. Sub Genre & Keywords: Fantasy, Dungeons & Dragons Known Issues: It's a little flat, the characters aren't quite as distinct as I'd like them to be yet, specifically in the dialog. Critique Requested: I would love for a few people to read it and let me know what you think. Are you interested? Does it draw you in? Do you want to know more about these characters? Do you understand the elements of the world or am I giving too much technical detail? Critique Tolerance: Go ahead and let me have it. I will strongly consider your feedback and make changes/start over if it's just not working. Experience & Goals: It's fanfic, I may never get approval to publish from the intellectual property owners but I believe there is a large base of people who want to know this story. It's my training ground for a completely original novel to follow. My goal is to build a fanbase for future work. Method of Communication: Send me a NaNo mail and I'll send you the link. The draft is online and easy to access. Anything else? Disclaimers? Don't be scared off by the D&D world in which the story is based. They story is meant to appeal to a wider audience and specifically was created based on a request by my son who wanted to know more about the characters and how they relate. While not a children's story, it is appropriate for young teens and up.

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

stingray306 — Fri, 24 Feb 2012 18:06:42 +0000

Title: The Consumption Series - The Intent (Book One) Length: About 350 pages Draft: 1 Language: English Brief Summary: Perkenwise Torque flees from his cozy home when a deathly plague hits and kills his mother. He and his friend Clum hear that the plague was caused by magic, and they decide to seek revenge over the one who caused so much death and chaos. Over time, Perk and Clum discover that with each victim the villain kills by magic, he gains all the power each victim owned. Will it be too late by the time Perk reaches him? Will he have gained too much power? This is a novel of adventure, loss, and hope. Loyal companions join Perk on his way, some regaining hope and some losing it, leading to betrayal. The danger and excitement provides a non-stop want to keep flipping the pages... Sub Genre & Keywords - Fantasy, adventure, quest, travel, journey, danger, magic, hope, loss, revenge Known Issues - It's hard to know what issues there are right now, although one biggie is how to spread out distance travelled in certain amounts of time. I will do research. Critique Requested - I am a young writer, my quality may be lower than a regular expectation. Any advice would be appreciated, though. Also, I may need help with creating different scenes and feelings, especially with the very important, dramatic scenes. I'm working on sculpting fighting scenes... help on that? Tips on spelling, grammar, and sentence structure would be helpful. If you could let me know if I'm moving through the story too fast or too slow, that would be awesome. Critique Tolerance - I want to hear what any reader would think. I'll take all the constructive criticism it needs... that's what makes a good book! So please, don't be afraid to tell me everything wrong with it. (It would be nice to hear some good things, too...) The whole point of editing it is to make it better, so give it what it needs. Experience & Goals - This is actually my very first novel, however, I exceed in english classed with marks like 98%. I have also spent almost three months preparing information before even beginning to write it. Once I am finished, I would absolutely love to publish it if possible. That will be decided later, when I can see how the novel turns out as a finished product. I haven't had it edited yet, so this would be the first. I'm thinking of sending each draft (after editing) to a different editor, so I can get a bunch of opinions. Every reader is different, and you can't please them all, but you might as well try, right? This novel is, truthfully, mostly just an excellent personal experience, but if it's good enough, I hope to get it published. That would be my dream. When I put my mind to something, I usually do it, so this is really a big plan for me. I'm excited to see you're every opinion! Method of Communication - I prefer email overall. I have a gmail, so I can nanomail it to you if you're interested. Anything else? Disclaimers - It's fantasy/adventure, and of coarse, that means violence. Swords, arrows, blood, you know, the usual. Don't expect anything worse than the Lord of the Rings... it's pretty straight forward. Excitement means the norm- war, fighting, and injuries. Cliche? I think yes. :) Thanks!!! Please Nanomail me if you're interested in helping with editing!

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

VictoriaAlizabeth — Tue, 28 Feb 2012 01:55:42 +0000

Title: Sleepless Immortal Length, Draft and Language: 52000, but hoping to be around 80000 when done. Second Draft. English Brief Summary: Alerie Way is a witch on a mission. Dabbling in black magic and racing against the clock to find the Demon that cursed her family over a thousand years ago, she moves to Mobile, Alabama in hopes of saving her thirteen year old cousin's life. Black magic has been outlawed for years, but the rich history the city has with it makes the city the perfect place for her to continue her lifelong search. Many of the locals refuse to mention the dark past, and the head witch in the city is making things nearly impossible for Alerie. When she stumbles across a long forgotten secret during her search things take a turn for the worse. Now she has the local and national branches of the magical government watching her every move, and a powerful Demon Lord after her soul. Sub Genre & Keywords - Urban Fantasy, Witches, Angels, Demons Known Issues -Tense (I'm in the process of changing the tense), I tell instead of showing, continuity errors, grammar issues. Critique Requested - The overall story, the magic, the characters, plot progression, what works, what doesn't. Critique Tolerance - I can take harsh, but try not to be mean. Experience & Goals -I'm looking to publish, but it'll be a few drafts away, this is the first of what I plan to be a six part series, I've been writing my entire life, but this is the first novel length story that I've finished. Method of Communication - Send me a NaNo mail, and I'll send it via e-mail. I don't really have any disclaimers, my Demons and Angels aren't very traditional (Angels are ultimately the bad guys), but I draw from history.

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

TC Green — Tue, 28 Feb 2012 10:09:25 +0000

Title: Reclaim and Return Length, Draft and Language: 72,728 word count, completed draft, minor cursing Brief Summary: Mayla is use to being a sixteen year old mother and living with the scars that cover her body. What she isn’t used to is the reoccurring dream that’s been plaguing her for several weeks. That’s easily pushed aside with the excitement of visiting her grandmother in Maine. However, the trip goes array when she finds an odd necklace on the plane. She is transported to another where giants rule and humans are literally the lower race. And meeting the mischievous and snake-tongued king, Aalexander, does not ease her fear any. With a trick of words, Mayla is thrown into an adventure with three guards-in-training and a young king in disguise with a score to settle with Aalexander. Through it all she has to explore new lands, fight a beast, and cope with other challenges in order to survive, all the while not knowing what is truly planned for her. But by the time she figures out how to return home it could be too late. Sub Genre & Keywords: Known Issues: I know there are some spelling issues that I haven't caught and I have a habit of putting an s at the end of the word toward which is not common. Critique Requested: Mostly grammar and spelling. Critique Tolerance: Constructive, but honest as well. Experience & Goals: It's the first book in a series and when everything with it is straightened out I hope to have it published on my site by Fall this year. Method of Communication: E-mail would be easiest. Anything else? Disclaimers?

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

Elizabeth-of-Rohan — Sat, 03 Mar 2012 18:02:51 +0000

Title: Humbled Length, Draft and Language: 51,028 word count, unfinished 1st draft, English. Brief Summary (not more than 300 words) An angel is thrown from Heaven for a crime he did not commit, Zeus the mighty lord of the skies is asleep and cannot wake up. The heavens are now locked for entrance, the gods are not communicating with man. The angel's name is Lenore, and all he wants is to clear his name and go back to back to heaven. Lenore meets a girl, Ianthe, who has been having dreams, together they start to work to open heaven. But time is running out, the heavens are all in chaos and the gods are getting mixed up. And to make things worse Lenore is falling in love with Ianthe and it looks as though she will have to die. Sub Genre & Keywords: Fantasy, Angles, Greek Mythology. Known Issues: I don't think my POV is always correct, (I do switch purposely for Lenore and Ianthe) and I know have grammar issues. My novel isn't finished yet, I don't like it all right now, so I need some new perspective. Critique Requested: Anything, grammar, characters, plot. Critique Tolerance: Be honest, but nice at the same time. ;) Experience & Goals: I just want to finish this novel. Method of Communication: Nano mail me and then I'll give you my email. Anything else? Disclaimers? There is some swearing but its very minor.

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

JohnR617 — Mon, 05 Mar 2012 00:22:27 +0000

Title: The Palindari Length, Draft and Language: Currently 200k, a third of the way thru 2nd draft, English Brief Summary (not more than 300 words) In 2018, a sociopathic serial killer is tricked into enlisting into a newly formed supernatural army of Satan – the Gibborim. An arrogant young computer code writer, CEO of a corporation within the military industrial complex, has developed the virtual reality technology necessary for this to happen. An ambitious and successful political blogger begins a personal quest to find out and expose the very technology used in convincing death row inmates in foregoing appeals and concluding their sentencing. An unassuming oilfield worker falls to a tragic accident only to be inducted into the opposing force, created after the Great Flood by the Archangels themselves – the Palindari. Eden has been transformed into a training ground. Overseen by the Angels and administered by the cadre of Saints, the Palindari corps is being readied for a new fight as the Fallen Angels have learned to circumvent the greatest gift God gave to man - free will. Have you lived your life to be an inductee? Sub Genre & Keywords: Fantasy/Sci-Fi Known Issues: Structure, layout, run sentences - the lot. Critique Requested: Grammatical errors abound - Honest overview of composition and flow. Critique Tolerance: High. I believe in the story, but I feel this needs polishing BIG TIME. Experience & Goals: Have written short stories all my life. First time getting serious. This is the first book of three. If successful the other two will be written. Method of Communication: Will need an email address so I can grant access to my Box account (cloud storage service) where you can have access to all 46 chapters. Anything else? Disclaimers? It is graphic at times, strong language (as needed) and a bit over written :)

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

zephyrite — Sat, 10 Mar 2012 22:53:04 +0000

Title: The Gene Chronicles Length, Draft and Language: ~100K words; draft #2.5; English Brief Summary (not more than 300 words) Jake engages in a struggle with one of his own biological genes that has mutated. The mutation causes the gene (named Gene) to begin irrepressibly talking with Jake. As the interaction between Jake and the gene grows, both learn more about each other. Jake’s friend Janet is the common sense antagonist for the gene, while also having a developing friendship with Jake. The story expands known reality by suggesting that a gene can communicate verbally with a human and, in a logical way, extends the definition of living things to include genes. Humans often think of themselves as the center of the living world, much as the sun was taken to be the center of the universe in earlier times. This story relegates humans to a less centric role in the fabric of life. Sub Genre & Keywords - just in case someone's looking for a novel that deals with "genetic engineering", "parable" or "elections" Science fantasy, cosmology, extended reality Known Issues - let the readers know the weaknesses you're aware of that they don't need to comment on. This is not an apology, and shouldn't be longer than the summary! (You can include more with the draft.) I have concluded that I do not know how to write in a way that holds reader attention. I would be happy to see an end form for the story in which it is capable of altering the reader’s sense of reality -- at least for some readers. At the same time, I do not want the style to be schmaltzy in a way that interferes with the messages that the story can bring. Critique Requested - what do you want feedback on? Plot, a pass at the structure, tone, POV, grammar, character development, continuity? Please *do* comment. Help me get started with a good style. Also helpful would be suggestions of other work that I could seek to emulate. I just read “Fiction Writer’s Workshop” (J. Novakovich) – the parts on point of view and dialogue -- and thought that was helpful. Critique Tolerance - do you just want broad strokes and all the positive things or can you tolerate some of the more stark realities? :-) Go ahead. Sling away :-). I have been peer reviewed many times for publications in technical journals (engineering/science/medicine), so I am ready to accept any words of wisdom. Experience & Goals - Is this your first novel? Are you looking to publish? Have you sent it out already and it just isn't clicking with publishers? What are your plans? (Be brief but help people understand what sort of critique would be helpful at this juncture.) First novel. I want to send it out to publishers, but need some feedback/comments first and need to do another draft. I stand ready to edit as necessary, once I see what path I should take. Method of Communication - do you want to email? Chat? Send snail mail versions of marked up manuscripts? (Don't post your email address directly on the forums unmangled... our forums are trolled by spammers, and your email will be harvested and spammed as a result.) I prefer email for starters and am ready to go with any form of communication that may be productive. Anything else? Disclaimers (violence, strong language, graphic sex, etc.) Mention turnaround time for feedback if you have any deadlines. Shucks, I could use turnaround yesterday on critiques, but I will take what I can get.

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

AlahraNadal — Fri, 30 Mar 2012 23:27:21 +0100

Title: Black Rose Length, Draft, and Language: 85k words, finished 3rd draft, English Brief Summary (not more than 300 words): A quite girl from a small town, who has a magical block placed over her powers and her memories, sets off on an adventure to discover her true identity. She travels with a wizard who is a member of a growing rebellion against the kingdom and is forced to choose if she wants to go back to living her simple, quite life or join the rebellion. The story is set in a highly magical world with elves, faeries, and wizards dominating a society at the cusp of a revolution. Sub Genre & Keywords: Epic/high fantasy Known Issues: I have a few but the reason they are present is because I do not know how to fix them, so please just tell me about anything you notice. Critique Requested: Anything you are willing to offer! Seriously, I want grammar, plot, characterization, flow--whatever you feel comfortable giving opinions on. :) Critique Tolerance: As long as you are not being pointlessly cruel, give it to me straight. I really want to improve. Experience & Goals: I have never let anyone read my novels before and am extremely excited to try it, so I really hope someone responds! Depending on the responses, I am considering trying to publish this, so I would really appreciate honest feedback! Method of Communication: Nano mail first, then email Anything else? Disclaimers? This is the 1st novel of a trilogy. I really hope that does not discourage anyone from reading it, and if you do request my story, please don't disappear with it! Just tell me it is not for you, so I don't spend months waiting for it. lol Thanks!! :)

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

sarasvati.river — Sat, 07 Apr 2012 03:25:16 +0100

Title: Small Town Witch Length, Draft and Language: 77k, draft 2.1, English Brief Summary (not more than 300 words) Rosamunde is a teen witch in a small town in Northern California who cares more about hanging out with her friends than practicing magic. However, she starts to suspect that her mother is using witchcraft to control her family. With the help of her friends, including two Fae, a kitsune, and a vampire's human daughter, she must find the source of the spell and break it to free her family. But will breaking the enchantment destroy her family's happiness? Sub Genre & Keywords: young adult, urban/contemporary fantasy, witches, Fae, kitsune, family conflict Known Issues: There might be too many characters. (Twelve students in her class at school, plus family members, teachers, and the Fae Court.) I'm still struggling to balance them all appropriately. I also don't know if I have given an adequate explanation of magic and magical races (Fae, witches, kitsune, etc.). There are also a number of subplots, and I'm not sure if they distract from the main story too much. There might be areas that don't have enough description. Critique Requested: I would prefer any kind of feedback, but especially things that don't work, like if there are any plot holes, if characters behave inconsistently, if things are confusing or not explained well. Let me know if something needs more description (or if there's too much). Critique Tolerance: Please be brutally honest. Experience & Goals: I have been writing seriously for twelve years, but never published. I read a lot of books about writing and took creative writing classes in college. I'm also a member of Critique Circle, but I want to find critique partners who will look over my entire manuscript. I am also willing to swap and do a critique for two/three other novels. My goal for this novel is self-publishing, so I need to know about every problem it has. Method of Communication: Email. (PM me with your interest/address) If you want, I can send you the first 50 pages as a trial.

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

Cameron Paul Wiggin — Tue, 10 Apr 2012 23:03:53 +0100

Title: The Bloodline Conspiracy Length, draft, and language: I don't know the word length, draft 1, and in English Summary (no more than 100 words) It all starts with a small town, run with a hatred for the large and scaley creatures that ransak them of food that they don't need. This leads to a questionable group of kids, who defy what is implied as truth on them. However, they get tied into a much bigger plot beyond what they wanted to know as "the truth" and soon find themselves in a struggle. It ends with a small group of them escaping from a political induced genocide and colonizing other islands under the safety of their once thought enemies. However, the story doesn't end there completely. Sub genre/ keywords: none I can think of Known issues: mostly bland and hurried moments that could need some touching up, grammar errors, maybe some confusing moments, and the formatting is all screwed up. Critique expected: anything that can improve what I have right now. Critique tolerance: Burtall honesty, and even personal opinions if they do not exist in the same catagory. Expirience & goals: first time ever writing something that has some length and cohesive story. However, I gleaned some formatting and writing techniques from my favorite books. I plan on publishing it to get this need of achivement out of me. Method of comunication: Email (PM me with any internet contact information I can use. I can send the first two chapters first hand, and the rest if you want to give it a try.) Other/language: there is some foul language used, but at rare intervals. There is a time where the dialogue switches to Latin in order to make the story a bit realistic.

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

jordan.williams42 — Thu, 19 Apr 2012 17:47:57 +0100

UPDATE: Length, Draft and Language: About 80,000 words, 2nd draft, english Brief Summary : Evoss, an old wizard, travels to a distant land under the instructions of the voice of the planet known as the Artio. Once there, he must find out who the true heir to the throne is and replace the current king with them. He does this with help from a variety of interesting characters, even though their efforts are hindered by the greedy king himself and his intelligent advisor Perec. Evoss and his new charge must do anything it takes to gain power, including finding three mysterious object, facing all manner of fearsome creatures, emotional challenges and physical hindrances and much more to achieve this goal. Sub Genre & Keywords: Fantasy, adventure, royalty, magic, humour. Known Issues: I know there are too many references to our world, especially regarding religion, considering it takes place in a fantasy world. Critique Requested: I would like to know your thoughts on the plot, whether it made sense, and what you thought of the ending etc. Critique Tolerance: Please hit me with any thoughts you may have about the story. I can take it! Experience & Goals: May look to get this published but I'm not sure. This is the longest thing I've written, but I have also written the trilogy that comes after it. I have lots of ideas though but never see them through. Method of Communication: Nanomail and email is good with me. Anything else? Disclaimers?: Some swordfights, creature attacks, etc.

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

zarafein — Thu, 19 Apr 2012 20:25:12 +0100

Title: Wicked City Length, Draft and Language: 84000 words, final draft, English Brief Summary: Everything that has ever been believed in exists. The problem is that they remain in existence even when people cease to believe. The Wicked City is a place for those beliefs to manifest and exist; living lives of chaotic wonder and horror in equal measures. The Wicked City is the most anarchic and impossible city imaginable. Felix is a spirit; a living personification of a concept. It would be easy if he was the personification of war or death or love but Felix’s problem is that he is not exactly sure what he is supposed to personify. He has a knack for finding lost things but a terrible urge to steal and hide small, precious objects. Unfortunately Felix's finding-trick is about to get him into serious trouble and lead him and a group of weird and wonderful friends to confront a terrible and ancient evil. What do you do when people that are supposed to last for all time are disappearing? In an impossible city the impossible is about to become possible and the very foundations of the Wicked City will tremble. Sub Genre & Keywords: Young Adult, Comic Fantasy. Magic, Paranormal, Spirit world, Urban, Humour. Known Issues: Has been proof-read but was written in November on the bus to work on an iPad so there might be autocorrected words etc although I have endeavoured to make sure that it is of a professional quality. Critique Requested: Overview – is it readable? Is it enjoyable? Would people buy it? Critique Tolerance: Any Experience & Goals: First novel. I am about to send it to agents. Method of Communication – Nanomail is good

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

adorablasavage — Thu, 10 May 2012 04:17:52 +0100

I would love to read your wife's manuscript. If the offer is still on the table.

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

adorablasavage — Thu, 10 May 2012 04:41:45 +0100

Tattoos 22,407 words, UNEDITED AND UNFINISHED, English Demons can only be seen in mirrors, a show of their true form. Contrary to popular belief demons are not ugly, but beautiful creatures with intricate tattoos covering their bodies. My novel is about a girl who comes into her powers per say. (Sorry for the bad summary I have no idea how to summarize it) Sub Genre & Keywords- Dark, Fantasy, Undertones of Romance, Action Known Issues - Do not comment on my grammar. Critique Requested and Tolerance - Tone, plot, point of view, writing style Broad strokes and positive things. No Critiques on grammar. Take note that this is a very underdeveloped piece of writing and I am asking to be critiqued to help me move on. While critiquing be realistic and understanding. These are just loose guidelines have a party if you please. Experience & Goals - I was hoping a critique would point me in the right direction and help me finish this first draft. I am trying to develop my own writing style. A few pointers and critiques on how to develop a writing style would make my day. Method of Communication - email and nanomail Anything else? Ignore the references to songs, I needed to up my word count. I hate the name tattoos it is just a filler title. I have no idea if Oreos are vegan, but it doesn't have dairy on the back of the package so...

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

CorraSen — Tue, 15 May 2012 03:12:47 +0100

Title: breathe 51000(ish) words, rough-ish draft, English. Brief Summary (not more than 300 words) When Isobel was seven years old, her best friend disappeared without a trace. Searches turned up nothing, no evidence was found, and the family has long since given up hope. So has Isobel. But then a man in a black robe turns up and tells her she can get him back. It won't be easy-- she'll have to fight her way through a world that exists beside ours, where the water is acid and the people aren't quite... people. But in the end she'll have her best friend back, just as he was when he disappeared. Or will she? Sub Genre & Keywords - YA, contemporary fantasy, psychopomps, paranormal, mysterious disappearances...? xD Known Issues - Probably a good number of stupid typos (form instead of from, etc) resulting from typing while distracted. I believe I have a hard time keeping personalities consistent. Continuity in general is... not my thing, lol! Critique Requested - Plot, plot, plot! Organization and realistic reactions from characters are also weak points. Critique Tolerance - I want to make this thing BETTER. But I am sensitive. >>;; so it would be fantastic if the tough realities came with some upsides? Experience & Goals - Just quick critique! I'd like more overall plot critique than grammar, etc. I'm not looking to sell it or anything, but I'd like to do the 5-copy deal, so quick is good! Method of Communication - Nanomail me if you're interested; I'll send you a few chapters. If you're still interested, give me contact info and I'll email you the whole thing. Anything else? Appropriate for all ages, though maybe not interesting to all, heh.

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

FrostPrincess — Mon, 21 May 2012 14:42:02 +0100

Title: 100 Ways to Die Length, Draft and Language: 58,217, 1st draft, English Brief Summary (not more than 300 words): In the year 2043, the United States has merged with Canada and Central America to form the United Americas. Europe and Asia have merged to become one large country, prepared to bring ultimate devastation upon their enemies. And their enemy just happens to be the UA. After the war takes a turn for the worse, the government is forced to take average children between the ages of 10 and 18, bring them to the newly formed training camps around the country for one month, before releasing them to the cold, hard frontlines of war. Andie Stone and her sister Jane are only two of the fourteen thousand kids at the Los Angeles training camp. Andie is determined to keep her and her sister alive, even if it means risking the lives of other kids. She’s prepared to accept her future as a UA fighter, until an unlikely event changes things at the training camp. When she discovers a twisted plot involving newborn babies and mysterious WonderDrugs, she makes up her mind to discover what’s going on as well as escape, bringing her sister and three friends along with her. But as she collects more and more information, she uncovers something far more sinister, including a corrupt government with warrants out for her arrest. Sub Genre & Keywords - Action. Fighting. Known Issues - Dialogue isn't my strongest point, so I know some of it may not be completely believable yet. Critique Requested - I need to know what is good and what isn't, so I can improve everything. Particularly, the plot, action, believability, and characters. Critique Tolerance - I would like the truth. I'll bite my tongue and accept it. Experience & Goals - I'm looking to publish this. I haven't sent out any queries yet, because this is only the first draft, but I'm hoping to as soon as I feel my novel is ready. I'm aiming before Christmas. Method of Communication - I would prefer to email. Anything else? Well, there's the occasional cuss word in here. And it's a little violent. Just a little. Thanks!

Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

sanhui0371 — Tue, 22 May 2012 07:34:30 +0100

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Re: [Fantasy] Requests for Readers

twilight guardian — Wed, 23 May 2012 10:52:50 +0100

Title: Whinahin Length, Draft and Language: 50k only halfway done, 2nd Draft WIP, English. Brief Summary: Planes of existence fold over each other like layers. Separate, yet sharing the same space. A forest that holds magical creatures is in recovery after the tragedy of losing the leaders of their kingdom and adjusting to the unsettling knowledge that the replacement through heritage is a child. Alissa is a twelve year old with the responsibilities of her species being forced on her. She has no choice but to accept her role when inhabitants of the forest begin to fall ill and rips through the layers separating her world from ours begin to pop up in mass. Sub Genre & Keywords: Fantasy, YA Known Issues: Weak intro, a bit of telling instead of showing, lack of scenery description, weak middle and end to what has been written so far. Possible bad dialogue. Possible confusing events. Critique Requested: I want someone to help me with what I did right and wrong. Where my weak points are and possible suggestions on how to make it better. I want to learn better writing techniques and to fix writing messes or bad habits that I've most likely gotten myself in to. Grammatical errors, things that I can't fix with a simple grammar checker, etc. I would also like to know if how I have it written is at all entertaining or just a bore. There is also a bad area that I've written myself in to that I would like to correct, if anyone would be so kind as to help me with that. I can't move on to the rest of the novel without sorting this problem area out first. Critique Tolerance: I'm afraid I'm a bit of a wuss, but lay it on me! Experience & Goals: This is the first time I've written this much. My first NaNo All other experience I have is at most 4-6 chapters to a few fanfics. I also do paragraph role plays, but that requires certain writing methods that don't always translate to novel writing. I hope to finish this novel and get it published. Method of Communication: NaNo mail, Skype, Gaia Online, Yahoo mail/messenger Anything else? - A few bits of strong language here and there. Whining. Fight scenes with an instance of gore.