Critique on your opening line.

Simple enough. Post your opening sentence and get feedback from other members.

Try to give fair, constructive criticism to your peers, and don't lash out at someone for expressing their opinion. If you don't agree with their criticism, try to act in a civil manner when replying.

Only post your first sentence.

I'll start.

'He stared into ancient glass, and saw only the darkness.'

I really like it, it catches my attention and is intriguing, leaving me to wonder what is going on. However, I don't know if it is personal preference but I think it would be a bit more intriguing if you added - He stared into *the* ancient glass - it would make me wonder what kind of ancient glass - though your original line does that as well:) But, I like it either way, so, great job!

Here is mine for the most recent thing I'm working on:

To be honest the young ruler did not seem to entirely appreciate the festivities laid out before him.

Critique away! I never feel as though my opening lines are very stellar . . .

It's okay. There isn't a lot of attention grabbing or conflict or anything, but that doesn't necessarily have to be in the first sentence.

I know, I'im such a rule breaker, but I'll post two sentences (since the first is so short).

The noise. It wouldn't stop for anything.

(Fair enough. Let's call it one sentence with punctuation).

I do think I'd read on, so it's doing it's job. I don't think it's something I'd remember by the middle of the book but it's grabbing enough to pull people in, which is what you need it to do. (I'm sorry. I'm terrible at critiquing single sentences).

Here's mine:

"I am either the world’s greatest fool or Apera’s greatest hero,"

@ AsbesdosMoth Ilike it, but I agree with ArtsyGal, you should add a the. Very intriguing

@ ArtsyGal I think you have a good start, I'm already curious about the ruler and the festivities. . My comment would be to lose the adverb, you don't need it.

@Princeshelby Your opener is interesting. Even though it doesn't set up the story the way that ArtsyGal's does, it is enough to make me want to continue reading.

@fuzz Your opening line made me laugh which is always a good sign.

My opening line is

"I wish someone in a position of power would pass legislation reinstating the guillotine. "

@naggingdilemma

Ha! I like it, both because why would the guillotine need to be reinstated, and what a wonderfully instrument to wish to be reinstated.

For the original poster, I disagree, I much prefer the sentence without the word the, it seems more mysterious and the word the seems as if it implies a small halt in the sentence. I'd say, leave it as is, it's really interesting.

This would be mine:

"I guess there are worse things in life than having your pants fall down, but, at the moment, I couldn’t really think of any."

@Alice Rocker, it made me laugh, which is a good thing. I would definitely read on, at least to the next sentence.

@naggingdilemma, I like it, but I would drop the "in a position of power", because it is unnecessary and implied. The more concise, the better.

Here is mine:

"The train whistle is my alarm clock, the engine hum my lullaby."

My first line:
"Another car passed by without slowing down."

(I'm a rebel, I know, I'm posting three lines)

My opening line:

We don’t find out the meaning of life by ourselves, alone…we find out with another…unfortunately most of the time we never figure out who that other person is until it’s too late.

Worlds are never certain. Someone can always be ripped away. Anyone you get close to can be taken with a single life shattering moment.

There’s an invaluable lesson to this story: It doesn’t matter how many hours, days, or infinite years we have together with the people we love, all that matters is the moments that we share with them today.

@KateShelton- Not completely sure about your line but I like it, it has a lyrical tone to it. But I would be careful that the following lines aren't so poetic, you might lose a reader's attention.

@ghostlyhamburger- Not bad, but I might change the word 'by' to a description of the place the cars are passing. Just a thought.

@ELOAgent- As much as I love ellipses I've found that other people don't favor them as much. Try taking them out and adding commas if needed, I don't think it takes away from the intended effect. And for the other lines, I wouldn't use them together, in my opinion it's a bit too philosophical for an opening but you could insert them in other places.

Here's my line:

"Rarely does the rose come to the bee," the smirk, apparent in my companion's tone turns my way and he gestures brashly.

It's a lovely worded line, but it feels like it should be in the middle, to me anyway. Hopefully I can word it better...it certainly sounds pretty but such a Shakespearean line could cause some readers to be put off.

My line.......is merely...this

Aria Jones stared at the computer screen half aware of the paragraph she was repeatedly backspacing and re-typing

@XVisiEX What a deliciously relate-able line. :D My only comment is to watch the adverb.

The morning of the first chill was dark, inky clouds covering the dawn.

@Ink_Stained_Midnight : Absolutely intriguing! Although I've heard it said before that a story should never open with the weather, I think that with the way you managed to make this sentence so unique, it actually works well. But, even though I have no idea what comes after this, I will warn you to try and get to some other topic as quickly as possible. This sentence works, but a whole paragraph about the weather would definitely be too much. So there's my input, for what it's worth :D

And here's my opening sentence:

"When Milo Davis entered the entirely bare concrete room at the military training base, fourteen other private soldiers were there already, waiting for their commander."

hmm:

"My mother is a ghost."

I love everybodys'! Strong lines, some laughable, some intriguing, some so laughable that I want to know more!

Here's mine:

"I love my sister.
With all my being, I love her. I love her more than anything I’ve ever known. She is my One. My All. My other-half. My True Love."

(Heads up, this isn't a creeper piece where the girl's sister is in girlfriend-boyfriend love with her older sister. She just loves her. It happens. sometimes your True Love isn't your spouse, it's a sibling, or best friend. That's how these two are)

"January 3rd, 2012:

I dug a box of my old drawings out of the basement this morning.

I thought it might help to look back to the days before I lost myself."