Ever had sex with someone you weren't in love with?

The title says it, plus why did you do it and what was it like? I'm mostly interested in what goes through your head when it's not the typical sensual and emotional stuff.

Yes. What went through my head? "holy fuck this chick is hot"

Sex, erm, that depends on what you call sex. If BDSM play counts in for you, then regularly. Thinking? Usually I'm extremely concentrated on what I am doing and don't think many extraneous thoughts.

I wasn't in love with most of the women with whom I've had sex, but I was attracted to them all. Attraction isn't the same as love. I'm attracted to looks, personality, humor...even a good singer (I've been in and out of amateur music for years), whatever catches my eye/ear/mind. Sex as a physical act is fun, relaxing and an usually an overall pleasurable experience. I love the company, the personal contact. Sometimes I've just been in it to "get some". When it's over, be it that night or days or weeks or months later, it's over. Yes, I have affection for them. Yes, I care for them as people, and yes, I might even love them, but I'm not IN LOVE with them. Attraction, infatuation, interest, love, horniness...call it what you will, sometimes you just want to be intimate with someone else.

Mostly it, "Oh, god, what was I thinking?" or "This is boring," or "Hurry up," or some combo of all those things, and then it's vowing to never do it again. Until next time, lol

A few rounds of that and then I finally found my love. Now it's "Oh, god, what was I thinking," or "This is boring," or "Hurry up," but we've been married for years, so, wth.

Yet another circle of life no one tells you about.

How about you, gren? :)

Before I found the love of my life, I was very active and my thought was if men can have one night stands, why can't I?

Sex is primal and animalistic in nature, being in love with your partner is a bonus. During sex with many of my partners I was not in love with and simply liked them, we where friends and just had fun. The partners I had that where one night stands, to me they where conquests. Men I was attracted to physically and wanted nothing more than their body for a night. If they knew what they were doing I was satisfied, if they did not...I faked an orgasm and found a different partner.

Thoughts that went through my head? If I was thinking actual thoughts, it was my cue to find a new play thing.


(I know that has got to sound horrible, but that was how I was before my husband won my heart).

I had a threesome/foursome with my boyfriend and a girl I'd known somewhat briefly.

In regards to the girl, my thoughts were mostly focused on how nice her tits and ass were.

I did end up falling for her and am now dating her, but that was a few months later. It wasn't a one night stand and we were friendly before it. *shrug*

Had a casual sexual relationship with my friend and his girlfriend. Surprisingly it wasn't weird at all. Had a blast while it was going and mostly we spent the time joking and just fooling around or trying increasingly absurd positions. What was I thinking? I don't know. Not too much. Mostly how I was thankful it wasn't awkward between he and I.

Why: My ex and I had just broken up (because we realized that us dating was not working) but we were still living together, so we did the friends with benefits thing for a while. I went for it mostly because I wanted to know whether I could fuck someone I didn't love and whether it would result in any emotional damage to me.

What it was like: Without the love aspect, the sex was actually so much better than it had been while we were dating. We both actually got to a place where we could communicate the way we should have been communicating before and we could laugh together and it was honestly a really good time.

In my head: There was still an emotional connection but it wasn't love, we were friends. So mostly I was just focusing on the sensations and the moment (not like "the moment" in some profound amazing sense, just being present in what was going on--it was all very Zen, you see (ha)).

... um, I get points on my Slut Card for sharing this, right?

I've done this a lot. For the most part it was fun and thrilling and I think it's something worth trying if you haven't done it. Yes, there was some drama. A couple of my partners got too into me. I got too into one of them. But for the most part everyone was pretty chill about the lack of strings attached to the sex.

What was it like? Depends on which of the many men and women we're talking about. Sometimes I just felt super sexy and powerful and happy that I was doing something "just because." Sometimes I was disappointed. Sometimes I was scared, like the one time when this girl I was flirting with took me by the wrist, led me to my room, turned out the lights, and jumped on me (which, aside from the initial fear, turned out to be an awesome experience). One time, I had to leave in the middle to throw up, because I was absolutely trashed. One time, the person I was sleeping with had to leave in the middle to smoke marijuana. So... mixed reviews.

What was in my head? Not much. That whole period of my life is kind of a blur, due to the drinking and hard-partying and intentional blocking-out-of-the-bad-parts. All I really remember is bad vodka and great sex.

I'm glad that I got it out of my system and I don't regret any of it.

She was present and willing and I've spent way too much of my life pining after chicks I was sure I was in love with.

I was either at Renfaire, Drunk, Horny, Fell in lust with a piece of eye candy, or some combination of the four. Casual sex is more about scratching an itch than anything else. You're willing, they're willing, it might not be the best idea you've ever had and it might be awkward in the morning, but at the moment it's fun, it's dirty, it might even be wild, and with a little luck you both might still be friends after it's over.

Casual sex doesn't really consider the consequences, so I think of it as kind of like giving the world the finger.

Yes, with quite a few people, because I like sex, and sometimes it was good and other times...meh.

Often, it was finding someone attractive while knowing that there was no way I could be romantic with that person. That didn't mean I didn't want to do them, though. In my head on those occasions, I was usually thinking "hell, yeah!" and just enjoying what was happening.

Other times, I was very sexually frustrated and simply grabbed the nearest guy. *shrug* Many of those experiences were more frustrating, because there was no attraction, no deep emotion, and the guy often didn't know wth he was doing and would let me do all the work. Which, I mean, allows me to get the job done, but I much prefer someone more participatory.

Once I slept with a guy I didn't know very well, but who was being deployed to Iraq the next day. I felt very patriotic for a few days after that.

With a variety of people resulting in a variety of experiences. I find it perfectly possible to have a strong physical attraction to somebody without the emotional/romantic attraction being there much at all. In my experience the more relaxed you both are the better it often is. If one or both people are not really engaging fully, then it doesn't reach the potential it might have to be a beautiful thing. It can be very uplifting, memorable and beautiful.

Having sex and being in love are on two different playing fields for me. If I am having sex because I need an itch scratched then usually the only thing going through my head is how long can I torture this guy til I get mine. However once into it my zone, nothing. I'm enjoying the moment, he can't mess up because I am telling him exactly what to do.

In saying that, mostly everyone has sex with someone that they are not in love with. Being in love takes time to get to know the other person so if you walk into a relationship and have sex, then you have had sex with someone that you are attracted to and not in love with.

I lost my virginity to a stranger. I was 21 and tired of my virginity. He was HOT and I was less than sober. I was a horrible sexual partner, and frankly I don't think I was alone in my horridness. Anyway, I was thinking "wow it's happening," then "this is all there is?" I waited for it to get exciting, then I gave up. I asked him if we were done yet. Then we were...

I learned about communicating with even one night stands after that.

For me, at least, there's no stark dichotomy between 'scratching an itch' and 'being in love'. Sometimes if you are head over heels for a guy, you can still use him to 'scratch an itch'. You can also 'make love' to someone you know you are NOT in love with. Even one night stands can merit sensuous and romantic, or at least respectfully appreciative and convivial, thoughts.

Couldn't say if any men feel that way, too.

Hell. . . I've had sex with people I don't even like. I tell ya. . .angry grudge sex can be awesome.

Since I have never been in love...I have never had sex with someone I was in love with.

I have had sex with people I loved...good friends now. That was a good thing. I also whole-heartedly believe in the goodness of friends with bennies.

For those I wasn't friends/in a relationship with...generally it sucked. What was going through my mind? Hmmm...If I do this will he like me better/treat me better (and yes, I was dating some of them)? If I do this, will he keep me safe? Will I feel more "normal" if I do this? Then that was followed by: Why did I do this? Why did he do this? What is wrong with me? I hate myself.

Trust me, it took me a long time to get my head on straight. And it is still pretty wobbly. But then, try adding a horrid childhood, a couple of date-rapes, and PTSD and see how much it messes with your head.

I think if you are looking for the character's frame of reference, you are going to have to make a decision on how you want the character to react. I have known both men and women that refuse to have sex without some sort of emotional connection, and I tend to agree. Most of my friends and I do believe that good friends can have a sexual relationship without falling in love. You just have to set the ground rules in advance.

Definitely not. I haven't even been in a relationship with almost all the people I've slept with. I tend to prefer it that way. It's very erotic in and of itself, not having to worry about commitment or whether he/she is going to want to spend the night or if I'm now required to remember birthdays. It's entirely in the moment.