Funny Things Which Happened To You During Sex

The title says it all.

My ex husband and I were going through the book '101 Nights of Grrreat Sex: Secret Sealed Seductions for Fun-Loving Couples' which are little envelopes that have scenarios in them. They give you a very short teaser of what is inside, but you don't know what's in there until you open them. Our deal was that we'd pick one out for each other and we'd both do one each week. We'd each done a few and they were fun, so we kept going until one fateful evening...
My ex ended up having to do a strip tease and also give me something romantic during the striptease that I could keep. Like a reverse tip.
Bless his heart, he tried. My ex dances like a puppet handled by a Tourette's victim on crack, but he tried. We were both trying hard not to laugh, and I had to keep viciously pinching myself not to bust out laughing.
He is finally down to the money shot and whips his shorts off to reveal a glinting, shiny gold something nestled at the base of his shaft.
He had bought a herringbone bracelet and wrapped it around himself so it looked like a cock ring while he was dancing.
Meaning to show my loving appreciation, I went to pull off my gift and ended up yanking out a whole bunch of hair that had gotten entangled in the herringbone's intricate slivers.
It would not have been so bad had my ex not yelped and jerked back, which made me jump back, but unfortunately with my fingers still inside the loops of the bracelet.
Sincerely meaning to say I was sorry, somehow out of my mouth came "OMG, I have got to tell my girlfriends."
I tried over and over to apologize without snorting from trying to hold back my laughter.
We spent the evening with a movie, popcorn, ibuprofen, a cold pack, and the silent treatment. lol

I once had a spontaneous date with a longtime friend and bottom for a playparty, calling him in the afternoon whether he felt like scening in the evening and he accepted with only minor hesitation in his voice. It had been touch and go for me, because I'd a cold and just stopped sniffling that afternoon (nothing as awful to watch as a sadist with a handkerchief constantly blowing her nose).

At this party it is the norm that you play publicly, surrounded by at least a couple of dozen if not way more people at each station. My friend was slightly edgy while we waited for our turn at the Saint Andrews, but whenever I asked what his problem was he shrugged and smiled sheepishly, claiming it was nothing.

He is one hell of a gorgeous guy, 6 feet tall, dark hair, huge grey eyes, nice face, very muscular not too bulky frame with broad shoulders, a bit of a runner's or swimmer's figure. People gather when we play. And so they did then as well.

Something was definitely not "right" as he was squirming and clenching his butt and when I took off his thong this just got worse. So I started off and even though the music was quite loud I thought I heard faint "echos" with each whup of the warming up flogger. And he was really squirming at the cross now, making gyrations I did not understand at all. Onlookers also noticed and started to giggle, especially when my next hard slap brought on an echo so loud I finally realised what was happening.

He was farting with every slap!

I tested my theory, and yes, every slap elicited an immediate fart. I doubled over laughing then, couldn't keep my act together, I laughed till I cried. I couldn't even look at him, I immediately split up again, and after my first peals he laughed as well and also was unable to stop (which DID warm him up very nicely).

So when I got back some air, I sidled up close to him, and tried to find out what was wrong. He wailed and wanted to know whether I didn't smell it and then we both laughed again, because of course I didn't, my nose was closed from the cold. After that he was able to let go of his shame over the fact that he'd eaten a dish of beans and bacon earlier that day and quite simply had bloated beyond recourse by the time he met me.

Well, we did have us a nice scene after the comic relief, but it is one which I always will very fondly remember...

Aside from violent bouts of elbowing each other in the face, I've fallen off the bed on a number of occasions (Tiny college dorm-grade bed, trying to balance on the edge of it). I've dealt with my suitemate taking sort of loud poops in the bathroom while I was having sex, too. My boyfriend and I had a good chuckle about that.

Shame, I was thinking that I'd have a lot to offer, but I guess it turns out that most of the funny stuff happens immediately before or after sex. Looks like I'll have to go out of my way to stir up some trouble >:3

Came on her forehead, dragged it across with my thumb while I whispered, "Simbaaah" into her ear.

The times my head hits the wall or he lets out an involuntary snort during a moan are especially hilarious. :p Queefing is also always a source of laughter.

Consulted the hubby for some moments he found hilarious aside from the typical falling off the bed/couch etc.

The best one involves our kitty though. Miss Zelda is a wonderful cat but she's also 17 pounds of fierce, clawed, war-beast. A few months ago while we were having a tumble I became aware of her tail tickling my toes. I kept squirming my leg further up his to try and get away from her which enticed her to a) notice that my toes were wiggling around under the sheet and b) to naturally give chase. I cracked up, called time out, and sat the kitty aside the bed. Five minutes back into the heat of things she attacked his hand. Lather, rinse, repeat. Finally I reached up and put her in the padded cat bed in the window over the bed that is hers, scolded her, and shut the curtains behind her.

Everything went well until she decided to rejoin the fun by leaping down from the window directly onto hubby's head knocking his face forward into mine and splitting my lip, bloodying his nose, and causing both of us to alternately scream and laugh. Neither of us could deal with our respective injuries because one look at the other would send us off again. I kept waiting for the police to show up from all the screaming, find us both covered in blood, and be convinced we were brawling.

Miss Zelda for her part finally got the cuddles she wanted, but since we've taken to shutting her outside the bedroom when we can for fun times. :P

Second funniest time needs a little explanation. On our first major vacation together celebrating our 9 year anniversary and long overdo we rented a cabin in the woods. I never drink because I have the lowest possible tolerance for alcohol but we had wine coolers with our hot tub soaking and I was well and truly tipsy. We decided to curl up on the couch with a movie which happened to be My Neighbor Totoro, IMDB it if you haven't seen. It's very good and very sweet. Later in bed, still tipsy and very giggly some odd noises on the roof kept drawing my attention. I suddenly announced mid-coitus that it was Totoro come to take me away on a magical adventure, screamed of course at the top of my lungs.

Hubby hasn't let me live it down to this day but I do have quite the Totoro collection out of it. ;)

This wasn't exactly sex, but it was pretty funny. One night, while I was sleeping next to my boyfriend, my foot was incredibly itchy. I was comfortable and didn't want to move too much, so I used one foot to scratch the other vigourously. Out of nowhere, my boyfriend sidled up to me and started caressing me. This surprised me because it was quite late and we were both tired. I told him gently that I was too sleepy to start anything, and he was okay with that.

I started scratching my foot again. He asked me, "Are you scratching yourself?" I told him, yes I was. He said "Oh. That's not what I thought you were doing."

I guess my vigorous motion made him think of something else! I'm surprised he wasn't annoyed that I turned him down, if that's what he thought I was doing.

My god, this is a thread almost custom-built for me. I have:

Farted during orgasm (come now, who hasn't?)
Sneezed while on top of a guy (he said it felt pretty amazing)
Scratched the hell out of a guy's leg during a position change
Come within seconds of peeing in a trash can while my partner apologized to his roommate's visitng parents about the noise
Had a cat come sit on my face while on my back

I got bit by a mosquito.

While I was being tied up.

D:

Sometimes silly songs pop into my head for no reason. This is all very well and good when I'm cooking or playing video games or whatever, but mid-sex? Not so good. Especially when I can't help either laugh at the lyrics or start singing them. This utterly, utterly baffles my boyfriend.
On one occasion I started giggling to myself (everything is so much funnier when you're trying not to laugh), smiling, bf asked what was up. So, naturally I sang him the little ditty that I had not heard nor thought about since primary school: On Top of Spaghetti, that old favourite. To my shock and horror, bf had never heard the song, so I ended up teaching him all the words and the two of us sang the song about four times together while we were still having sex. It was a special, wonderful experience to say the least!

My sort-of-BF and I are both plus-size. Let's just say that some positions work better than others and some positions does not work at all. Also, I have a tendency to start guffawing whenever something goes wrong. The first time it happened, I had a hard time explaining to him that I wasn't laughing at him, I was laughing at the absurdity of the situation.

It seems since getting married I can never not have sex without my pants completely disappearing. Seriously. There is a pants eating monster somewhere in my mattress.

Other than that, nothing stands out so I'll have to think about it for awhile.

Oh! I remembered one! :D Guys parents came home randomly and I had to hide under the bed and sneak out the window. Kind of awful in the moment but pretty hysterical now. Especially since the whole experience disoriented me so much, I got on the wrong bus and went 40 minutes in the wrong direction!

My old girlfriend and I had the most adorable dog in the free world, but he would not leave us alone when we made love. He's part scenthound, and one particular scent that he's attracted to is, shall we say, uniquely female.

You can fill in the blanks, but let's just say that, had we WANTED the dog to do what he did instead of trying to avoid it at all costs, we could go to jail (well, maybe not in West Virginia :)

I had a partner who throught it would be great to tie me up and then use magic shell (the ice cream stuff) to make molds of my body. Except she didn't realize that what you pour it on has to be cold for it to word. She kept yelling "it wont go hard, it wont go hard!" Once I figured out what was going on I nearly died laughing!

While tying someone in the dark, I shifted position and slammed my knee into her nose, nearly breaking it.

My partner mentioned getting a foot cramp during sex. The resulting howls (of OH MY GOD pain) made her partner at the time think he was the best lover ever.

After eating All-You-Can-Eat hot wings one night, and really eating all I could, I was giving a guy road head while he drove to pick up a friend of ours.

At a stop light, he took the opportunity to shove my head harshly onto him. Usually, I have no problem with this. This time, with a belly packed full of wings and bleu cheese, he managed to hit my gag reflex just the right way.

Partially digested hot sauce, chicken, and dressing, pretty sure ALL of the contents of my stomach...all over his lap.

I apologized profusely, but then just started laughing. He didn't know how to respond at first, seemed to realize that it was either laugh or cry, and thankfully chose to laugh.

We pulled over near some woods; he used his boxers to wipe off as much as the mess as he could, and tossed them in a dumpster. He made me finish the job after showering later that night. No reference to wings after that was ever the same again between us.

One of my exs and I were in her parents basement and her younger (like, 10-year-old) sister came down and said she was bored and wanted to know what we were doing. We'd barely had time to cover ourselves with a blanket so we told her we were cuddling and watching a movie. She wanted to know if she could join.

Well of course my ex couldn't say no... her sister grabbed another blanket and cuddled in with us and we spent the next half hour trying to get clothed without the little girl figuring out what was going on. And we only had a half hour because when the movie ended we had to go to supper.

Awkward at the time but hilarious afterwards

Hi guys, I'm not even in your genre, sorry for board hopping, just procastinating...but something funny did happen just the other week. I was looking for my underwear. Everywhere. Now it's quite important I locate the crumpled knickers as I have a cleaner who comes in every morning and he (yes it's a he!) makes my bed and I'd hate for him to find it. He's had to deal with worse before, but still. So I look and I look. I turn the bedroom upside down. Hubby is lying gorgeously on the bed, but not helping. I think he should because he's the one who threw them.

And then I see the whithered thing. It's on MY BABY's head. She's still happily sleeping in her cot at the bottom of our bed...