Writing about phone sex.

Okay, so my MCs have not actually had sex yet, but one of them is leaving on a business trip, and they somehow end up having phone sex.

The only problem is. I don't know how the hell to write this. I can't think of how they would do this without the dialogue being incredibly corny and stilted and laughable. I don't do much in the way of dirty talk, so it's a real struggle for me to figure out how to make this work and get both parties aroused without the other person being there. I also don't know how I can get this started, how to even get the topic brought up, because they aren't planning on having phone sex until they're actually on the phone with each other and it just happens.

Does anyone have any advice they could offer me on the subject? I'd really appreciate it!

Phone sex can be mad awk. I have never initiated it, but I've participated.

I generally don't like it when my partner says things like "I AM doing this," I prefer "I WOULD do this" or "I WANT to do this." Because that's how it usually starts out, by saying something like "Damn, I wish you were here right now. What would you do if you were here?"

It's gonna be one of two things - corny or raunchy. I prefer raunchy. Limit your vocab for the dialogue, unless your characters are authors or dictionary editors or something. In the middle of phone sex, you'll rarely hear words like "pearl" or "lotus," usually its ends up being more crude.

Good luck, I hope this helped some.

Describing what you're wearing is an awful way to start out but...sometimes it works. Or the whole "getting in bed" deal. Chances are, if you think it's awkward, your characters probably think it's a little awkward too, and that's okay! It's okay for it to start off with them a little giggly and awkward about it. If anything that, makes it more endearing. And then you can get into the sexy bits. Since they might be awkward going the actually "dirty talk" part, it's entirely possible halfway through one of them might be like "just shut up and get off", and then you're writing a masturbation scene in which they just get to listen to each other moan. It'd probably be from one persons point of view I assume, so you can go into what they're imagining, etc. If nothing else, it could just be a fun scene to write.

As someone who's engaged in a bit of telecoital activity, they sum it up pretty well. Corny and raunchy are often present. Not to mention the sometimes awkward as hell start up. Especially possible on the first time. Using the wrong phrasing is a possibility and can potentially distract or offend your partner. For example, maybe they had one set of events in mind, but you might say something that skips over some of the steps they had planned. I'd think a decent option would be to have them set up a scene, location, position, etc and have something of a shared dream sequence where you're inside which ever MC's imagination you're writing from. Then it turns into more of a regular sex scene with transitions from and back to the phone. But it's really a matter of exactly what you want the nature of the scene to be.

Funny, I am about to set up some phone sex for two incredibly horny friends of mine...I am going to tell him to be very much a Dom from the onset of the phone call, and I am going to fill him in on all of her quirkyfettishes(he can use that to get her juices flowing.)
For your phone sex scene, why don't you have the more forward of the two characters initiate the phone sex. have him or her be very matter-of-fact about the whole thing, or maybe they can initiate it with "I was watching this movie last night where these two friends were talking on the phone..." and they both begin to enjoy themselves simultaneously.
Hope this helps!
Hugs-
Patty

I guess you hit on the main reasons I've never gotten into phone sex. it always feels so awkward and corny. But, if I were going to write it, I guess I would let the dialog go whatever direction the characters took it - even if it was awkward and corny - and, as a writer, I would focus on the reactions of each of the participants. What are they doing "off" the phone and what are they thinking? Try to take the focus off of the dialog, in other words. And, personally, I'm just thinking it might be more interesting to focus on the reactions of just one of the participants.

As for how to start, I would start with the premise that they both want to do something, but aren't sure how to go about it. Let it be awkward, but oh so cute! Have them keep trying, and hinting, until finally it just starts to happen. Let it take a long time developing if it has to. Hopefully their cell phones are fully charged. Or... Gosh what if, for humor, one of them had to stop and plug in their phone in order to continue? The more I think about it, the more I think it could be a really cute, romantic scene. I might have to think about doing one myself.

I think you only really need much dialogue at the beginning and end. I'd have them start out sweetly talking about how they wish they were together, and what they would be doing if they were together. That can get sexy pretty quickly (and awkward and embarrassing if they're new at it) but maybe one of them nudges them along and it quickly devolves into a lot of heavy breathing, with not much more dialogue until they've had their fun.

Here's what I did in a recent story (edited to take out any fun words)

“I’ve been thinking about you today, Botany.”
“Have you?” Yes, she was trying to play coy. Didn’t work on him though.
“I’ve been thinking about you spread out on my sheets while I lick every delicious inch of your body.” He heard her breath catch. Heard her try to cover with a little giggle.
“Does that sound nice, Botany?”
“Uh huh.” Yes, she’d be getting wet. She’s home in her bedroom, she’s probably got her hand in her panties while he’s talking to her.
“Then I’d have you begging me to *do* you. But I wouldn’t. Not right away.” He could hear her breathing, she was listening. “No, first I’d suck your *body part* into my mouth and flick my tongue over it. You like the sound of that, Botany?”
“Uh huh.”
“Prove it.”
“Uh, what do you mean?” She slipped from a languid tone to something more awake.
“Do something for me to prove you’d like that.”
“Like what?” She was back to purring, falling into his voice again.
“Are you in your bedroom? Alone?”
“Yes.” She was quieter now, trying to figure out what he wanted before he said it.
“Do you have panties on?”
“Um…yes.” He could feel her blushing. It was cute how she did that. She wasn’t quite as sophisticated as she’d like people to think.
“Take them off. Slide them down your hips, imagine my fingers in the waistband, moving them over your skin.” He could hear her wriggling around. “Put the phone on speaker, then you can relax and just listen to my voice.”
“Got it.” Yes, he could hear that hollow sound that meant he was on speaker.
“Are they off?”
“Yes.”
“Smell them.”
“What?”
“Smell them. Picture me standing there, sliding them over your legs, stroking your calves and thighs while I do it, then bringing them to my face, breathing in your scent. Musky, womanly, passionate.”
“Uh huh.” She was dreamy again, he could hear her breathing, knew she was doing it.
“What color are they? Thongs? Briefs?”
“White flowered boy shorts with a little lacy edge.”
“Nice. I’ll bet they hug your tight little *rear* don’t they?”
“Uh huh.”
“What are you wearing, Botany? Do you have anything else on?”
“Uh… well, um, a bra.”
“No t-shirt or night gown? No socks on your cold feet?”
“No.”
“What color is it?”
“The bra? Baby blue.”
“Leave it on. Let the breeze blow over your naked skin while your *body parts* are tucked in their snug warm nests.” He took a sip of his drink, letting her process that image. He could see it as clearly as if she was right there in front of him.
“Tell me about your *body part*. Is it bald? Did you leave a landing strip? Is it wild and wooly, shaved or waxed, what?”
He could feel her blushing even brighter now. Such a free spirit with an edge on the outside, but still reserved deep down.
“Uhm… trimmed. Shaved. With a trimmed landing strip.”
“Very nice, Botany. Can you feel me looking at it? Between your thighs, my breath close to your skin, reaching out to touch, tracing the folds.”
“Uh huh.”
“Touch it, Botany. Take a finger and slide it down the *body part*, just like I’d do it. Lightly, teasingly, a tickle. Then firmly, definitely.”
“Mmm…”
“Do you have any toys, Botany?”
“Toys?”
“Toys. A little rabbit *body part* vibe you use when no one is home and you can’t sleep. A big, fat, long, black *adult product* you shove up your *body part*. Some *adult product* you pop in before you go off to classes so you can rock on them while the professor drones on.”
“No!” Indignant now. How interesting. Definitely less adventurous than she appears. She wants to be wild, but she’s afraid she’ll love it too much.
“No? No *body part* plug? No *body part* clamps? Ah, but you’ve got a hand-held shower massage don’t you?”
Silence except for her breathing. Figuring out how to respond.
“That’s it, isn’t it? The shower. Well, the phone doesn’t do well in there, so for me, for tonight, use your fingers for me, Botany. Play with that *body part*. Imagine it. My touch on those delicate *body part*. Feeling how wet they are. Stroking, playing, teasing. But you won’t *experience completion* right away. No. I’ll make you wait.”
She was breathing harder, he knew she was listening closely.
“Ever have a lover that made you wait, Botany?”
“N-no.” She was finding it hard to talk, probably hard to think. Excellent.
“No, of course not. College boys. No skill or patience. They get you off quick, then they’re a two-pump-chump and done. They don’t treasure you enough to make it even better by making you wait do they?”
“Uh, I dunno.” No, she didn’t know did she? She’d never had anything better. She would though. And once she did, her greatest fears would come to fruition. She’d love it too much.
“Push a *body part* in, Botany. Now add a second. When I do this to you, I’m going to be right on your *body part* . Ever have anyone on your *body part*?”
“I’m not sure.”
“That’s a no. If they were, you’d know. At least most women do. I bet you’ll know. You’ve got a hot, wet, oh so tight *body part* that I’ll be ramming my hard, *body part* into. But there’s a little section of it that I’ll find with my fingers. It feels a little different, kind of ridges. I’ll play it like a piano. You’ll never be the same again once I find it. And if I don’t find it, well, we’ll have plenty of fun trying, as long as it takes.
“Oh…” Her voice was breathy and raspy.
“Pump your *body part* for me, Botany. Feel it the way I’m going to *do* you. Long, hard. On your back. From behind. On my lap. Standing. Bent over my desk with your *body part* pressed into my blotter.”
“When I do it, you’re going to *experience completion*. Over and over, screaming and moaning. Has anyone ever made you *experience completion* like that, Botany?”
“N-no.”
“Of course not. They didn’t care enough about you to make you wait and do it right. To take you for their own pleasure so you could achieve the heights of yours. I’ll do that for you, Botany.”
She was panting, hot, needy, sweating. He could picture it. She was hooked.
“Rub your *body part* for me, Botany, "manipulate" it like there’s no tomorrow. Flick it with your fingers, stroke it, make it happen, feel me touching it, rubbing it, taking you, ravishing you. Faster, harder, more.”
“Uh, uh, ahhhhh.”
“Stop, Botany. Put your hands on your chest, take them out of your *body part* and put them on your chest.”
“Arrrrggghhh.”
“Good girl. Do you want to *experience completion* for me, Botany?”
“Oh god, yes!”
“Really? Are you writhing and pleading?”
“Oh, yes, yes!” He waited a second.
“Are you cheating? Did you creep those fingers back down?” A pause while she tried to figure out how to answer. “It’s ok, you can put them back on your *body part*, Botany. But when I have you in my bed, you won’t be able to cheat. You’ll be delirious with need and you won’t be able to do anything but give in to it, give in to me. When you do, it will blow your head off.”
“Ahhhhhhh…” There she went, over the edge.
“Good night, Botany.” He hung up, grinning.