Author Protest Complaint Thread

Trig: All right, Nano 'll, bring it on!

Moore: You have to explain what you're doing.

Trig: Okay, so you don't like your author, you come here, and you complain about how they got it all wrong—

Moore: You voice your concerns over developments you feel are unfair to you as a character, or your displeasure with certain points and issues—

Trig: Or you just tell them you're not going to go along with it—

Obi, entering: What? You two— (looks at title) "Author Protest Complaint Thread"? What?

Trig: Yeah, remember the Character Rebellion Complaint Thread last year? Well, we decided not to wait for you, so—

Obi: Wait just a second. You are making a thread to protest the authors and complain? Whose idea was this?

Moore: It was his. He's not being very clear, though.

Obi: I'd say it's clear! You're rebelling already again, aren't you? Aren't you?

Trig and Moore: . . . .

Obi: No! It's only the eleventh of October! You can't do this to me! And how many times do I have to say it? LAST YEAR'S REBELLION COMPLAINT THREAD WAS SUPPOSED TO BE FOR THE AUTHORS. To complain about you people. Not the other way aroun—around—around. . .heeeey. (slow, wicked grin) Wait a second. . .

Trig: What's she doing?

Moore, looking at Obi, then to the title: Oh, no. I told you to let me write it!

Trig: What?

Moore: Ambiguity. It's what we did to her last year!

Trig: What?

Obi: You guys have no idea how sweet the irony . . . oh, let me savor this moment. The time when I pulled one over my characters. Sweet, sweet revenge. . . (closing eyes)

(Several minutes pass. Trig and Moore, watching the look on Obi's face, start looking apprehensive.)

Obi: (Opens eyes, gives characters a smirk) All right, come one, come all. This Author Protest Complaint thread is on board. Bring your characters down here, get ideas for painful retaliation for all the misery they put you through, for things they didn't tell you that they should have, everything they did in direct opposition to you—we're making a comeback, writers!

Chilli: I'm sorry... I can't stand up to my characters. *sob*

Visere: I rule her life, influence her mind, persuade her to study, control the plot and... I have my author's mind.

Chilli: YOU SEE? *curls up in a corner*

Visere: While the author's crawling into a hole, I am going to rant about the injustice done to my life. She gave me another one of those... what do you call them...

Klyte: Angsty pasts.

Visere: Right-- Klyte, what are you doing here?

Klyte: Complaining. I have it worse off than you. You created the plot. I'm a traitor.

Visere: *emotionlessly* I'm so sorry. Anyway, I have an angsty past, I was almost killed, my wife died three days after she became Queen... That's it, actually. My life isn't that sad.

Klyte: Yeah, compare it to Raziel's last year, and you've got it easy. Meanwhile, I almost got killed twice, forced to become a traitor, then betrayed the people, and worst of all am stuck with a king like you.
Visere: I'm the greatest king the kingdom has ever seen.

Klyte: Yeah, when you're lying.

Visere: True.

SL: Honestly, I just want to know why there are so many of you. Oh and why do you all insist there has to be magic to go with the giant mechas?

Naomi: I would like to know what ninjas have to do with modern military?

SL: You told me you were a ninja. I just sucked it up and went along.

Chatrice: It's supposed to be like a manga right?

SL: No I made a mistake when I explained the idea to someone. this is NOT supposed to be like an anime or manga. THere is an important message that's supposed to be in this and you all keep telling me strange things to warp it.

Devon: Also, thirty people make up one unit in the military. That's why there are so many of us.

SL: *covers head* Why Goddess, why

30 voices: MASOCHIST

*hangs head*

Me: So, I'm sorry about the whole ice dragon thing~ And the part where I had the red sh-

Red Shirts: We are not red shirts!

Me: Fine, fine. Technicians. Alright?

*nods*

Me: And I'm sorry for setting the immortal ice dragon on fire. And the part where I had you, Uriel, throw her like a shotput.

Uriel: It's alright, except for the part where I had to nearly crush myself to death just to prevent Shalgiel from crushing me to death.

Me: Well, about that~ Yeah. Oops. No hard feelings about that?

Uriel: Nope. Not after you let me break out of the ice through sheer force of will.

Mari: Ahem. What about me and the rest of the Unit Pilots?

Uriel: What can I say, he likes me?

Mari: What can I say, I can take out an entire city if I wanted to. Nuclear arm cannons, gentlemen!

Author facepalms.

Me: I shouldn't have given you that.

Mari: And my backstory. All the other Pilots have their backstory fleshed out. Except for me.

Yuki: And me.

Me: Where did you come from?

Yuki: I just walked in. All you mentioned was my single mother who's almost always at work anyway.

Uriel: For once, I agree. We need therapists. All of us are screwed up in a way.

Yuki: And the human rights violations.

Me: Right. Child soldiers and all that.

Mari: Precisely! We're all child soldiers, and students at the same time. I mean, can we get mor-

Me: No. We've got enough realism in the battles.

Uriel: It sounds like one of those noodle incidents to me. Like the school dance.

Yuki: Oh, yeah, Mari and the fish-rat hybrids, a blowtorch and a bucket.

Mari: That guy got it coming, I swear.

Me: Can we get back on topic? Voicing your thoughts about me?

Yuki: Egoistic.

Mari: Narcissistic.

Me: Not that way. I mean, thoughts about me as an author.

Yuki: Terrible.

Mari: Almost everybody's a self-insert.

Yuki: Schit-

Author sighs.

Me: We'll settle this another day.

Yuki: I must not run away. I must not run away. I must not run away.

Mari giggles.

Me: Why must you keep bugging me? It is not November yet leave me alone.

Lisa: No! You have ignored us for a whole year. Not to mention that you have just randomly decided to make me a serial killer.

Me: Look it is an important plot development that happened. Get over it!

Lisa: No I will not and whats this about me being blind. Huh! That was not in the contract.

Auther Sighs

Me: Lisa how many times do I have to tell you there was no contract.

Dean: Yes there was.

Me: Please really.

Dean: Also why do I have to kill Lisa why can't Endlyn do it.

Me: Mabey because it is your fault she is a serial killer.

Lisa: OI! It is not his fault. Right Dean?

Dean: Well mabey a littel, but I refuse to kill Lisa

Me: You know what it is my plot it will happen the way it is going to happen and I anm not going to sit here and listen to this.

Twankie: Well it's about time we got back at them for making the reb thread into what it was.

Dash: I still can't believe you made me an orphan.

Twankie: It's important to the plot.

Dash (mimicking her): It's important to the plot.

Twankie: Oh that's mature Dashiell.

Blank: Need I remind you that you are taking to a guy who collects ketcup packets and is constantly asking would you rather about everything.

Twankie: That is true but seriously Dash it explains why you know so much about the virus since Sean adopted you.

Ollie: Not to mention all your other issues.

Dash: What issues?

Ollie: Dash you're so impatient that you just dump packets of instant coffee into your mouth because the coffee is taking to long and you don't want to take the time to boil water.

Dash: At least I'm not a Scramble Nazi.

Ollie: I am not a Scramble Nazi!

Dash: You are too.

Twankie ( sighs as the two start bickering): This should be a fun November......

Zak, to Twankie: Hey howdy hey. Where's Dustin? (looks around) Wow, this place filled up fast. Looks like it's time to break out the marshmallows.

Obi: (sarcastically) Oh, is it, my dear muse? And pray what is it that you have done that merits such reward?

Zak: I got the whole plot mapped.

Obi: And?

Zak: And what?

Obi: And mobbed me with ten billion other ideas and characters, that's what! GET THEM OUT OF MY HEAD.

Arthur: What's going on in here?

Obi: Ahhh! Not you!

Arthur: I heard shouting. I presume this is the ordinary chaos that seems to be prevailing around here?

Zak, cheerfully: Yup.

Song: did somebody say Dustin?

Spock: oh no... song get out of here. Don't talk to Zak. He's not a good influence.

Song: I can talk to whoever I wish to.

Spock: ohdear facepalm

Twankie: Zak why are you speaking like a cowboy? And (looking around) Dustin is ah....?

Dustin: Standing right next to you.

Twankie( startled): How.....? Never mind what are you doing here?

Dustin: I am here to tell you that Evera is looking for you.

Twankie: I already know this that is why I am hiding from her.

Dustin: I see so do you want me to just tell her to go away?

Twankie: What do you mean tell her to--

Evera: There you are I knew I would find you here now about my novel--

Twankie: No no and no for the final time Evera I am not doing your novel this year!

Evera: And why not?

Twankie: I told you already my muse bombarded me with far too many ideas that I can handle and this insane bunch (gestures to Dash, Blank and Ollie).

Dustin (shrugs): I have always liked Science Fiction better.

Twankie: Oh shut up.

Song: hi Dustin! Today just gets better and better!

Spock: good thing today is almost over.

Dustin: Hello Song what are you doing here?

Twankie (to Spock): Yeah it's a good thing it is..,,

((Murphy runs in backwards, looking a bit frazzled and brandishing a rather large tree limb))

MURPHY: Back! Back, you savages, back I say!!!! (waves stick wildly and kicks the door shut on her characters, then wipes her brow and tosses the stick aside)

Might still need that. (looks around) How's everybody doing? Freaking out yet? I am!

O__________o

Twankie: Hello Murphy (looking at the discarded branch) nice tree branch (looks thoughtfully at characters in particular Evera) dose it actually work on them ?

Dash(snorts): And you were yelling at me about tying you up with rope when here you are thinking about hitting us with a heavy stick.

Twankie (shrugs): If it keeps me even a little sane. (to Murphy) So how have you been?

MURPHY: (glances at the branch) Well, not really, but it kept them out of my face long enough for me to slam the door. Won't take long before Brenna picks it, but I can try, right? (puffs out a breath to blow hair from her eyes) Um. Crazy busy. I haven't finished Night of the Hunter yet. Why does November always sneak up on us? (pauses a moment, then snorts) Rhetorical question.

Twankie (sighs): I don't think I'll ever get Midlight Rising done...

Evera (glares): Oh yes you will or I'll tie you up with rope for real this time.

Twankie (sighs again): Oh for heavens sake calm down I am intending to finish it after Nano this year.

Evera (snorts): Intending to finish it that's comforting.

Twankie: Hey at least I am trying!

Evera: You haven't touched it for months I hardly call that trying!

Twankie (grumbles): It's not my fault I got bombarded with ideas from my sci-fi loving muse!

Dustin: I never said that I loved science fiction I only said I prefer it to Fantasy.

Twankie: Whatever Dustin.

SB: I love reading all of the chaos in everyone's lives.

Toshiko: That's a little morbid don't you think?

SB: I don't have chaos in my life so its not morbid its curiosity!

Akuma: We can put some in there if you would like.

SB: No thanks I don't want a turn.

Akuma: too bad *evil cackle* Why am I cackling? *looks at Toshiko* Did you see that? She just made me cackle like some witch!

SB: Did not.

Toshiko: *looks at Akuma* Why are you speaking to me? I hate you, you are my rival!

SB: *facepalm* oh here we go. Where's Larina? I'm sure she would want to join in on this.

Toshiko: You haven't brought her back to this realm yet. She's still stuck in limbo while you figure out what decision she's going to make.

SB: Oh yeah I remember now... I should finish my outline.

Akuma: You think. You should also stop making me cackle. Never do that again.

SB: or what?

Akuma: Or I really will add chaos to your life.

SB: Oh...well than no more cackling. *waits to read more chaos*

Toshiko: *sigh heavily*

Blue: I swear, I need this thread. See these guys? *waves hand over a bunch of characters* They're all killing me...ALL OF 'EM!

Elanor: I'm not...*runs over and throws arms around Blue*

Eamon: Well, Ello, darling, you're not a character. You're a muse.

Elanor: I started out as a character, thank you very much!

Aoife: But you aren't now. So Blue is insinuating that we three are the ones who are really killing her. Sure, and that's nice...

Blue: I'M NOT INSINUATING!! IT'S TRUE!!

Eamon: *sits down heavily* This is all we hear now...morning to noon to night. Constant complaining that we're going to be the death of her.

Blue: YOU'RE GOING TO BE!!

Aoife: *fingers pistol with a sigh of weariness* Blue...if you keep this up...

Blue: *shrieks and dives behind Elanor* I KNEW YOU WERE GOING TO KILL ME ONE DAY!!

Caoimhe: *walks calmly in and grabs the pistol from Aoife, then throws it out the window* No weapons, Aoife.

Aoife: Caoimhe! That's my only pistol!

Blue: I'm sure it isn't...

Elanor: Okay, everyone SHUT UP. Thank you. Blue, just post. Before everyone gets even more annoying.

Eamon: Are you saying...

*Blue hurriedly posts*

Cap'n: The thread like this is definitely for me. It's not even NaNo yet and my characters are convinced that bugging me is their new favorite hobby.

Loone: But it is! I mean, what else are we supposed to do for fun?

Cap'n: Oh I don't know, dance? Ride ponies? Have tea and speak in fake British accents? Why can't you people have NORMAL hobbies?

Axiom: I can stop, if you want, you know, for a fee

Cap'n: *rolls eyes* No, Axi, I'm not giving you two chariots full of chocolate.

Muffler: Yo, ho,ho, did someone say chocolate?

Cap'n: I did and we're moving on

Muffler: Did you know that chocolate has heaps of sugar in it?

Cap'n: I know, but like I said, we're movin-

Axiom: And that chocolate is poisonous to dogs?

Loone: And that our dear author here spent hours sitting in her bed, stuffing into her mouth and reciting-

Cap'n: OKAAAAY! Do you guys remember the last time you started telling everybody about my secrets.

Loone: Flaashbaack

Cap'n: No. No unauthorized flashbacks here

Axiom: We're doing it anyway. Flaashbaack!

Cap'n: Gah, see what I have to deal with?

FANTASY: Revenge? Sweet!!

LOGAN: I don't like this...

CAIN: Yeah, when she's happy somethings wrong.

LOGAN: The last time she was happy she made Jestelle the villain.

FANTASY: Hey! It was way better then having Astithe be the big bad.

MARCO: She has a point. He was pretty pathetic.

LOGAN: Yeah, you beat him.

Marco swings her shovel.

CAIN: It's almost like we never left the Complaint Thread.

FANTASY: Except now I hold the red hot poker of vengeance!

LOGAN: Okay, she's flipped.

CAIN: Yup.

LOGAN: Bout time really. I mean, once you have something like Marco in your head there's no way you can stay sain.

FANTASY: Shut it! *Magic poker appears* See? Mwhaahaahaa!!

CAIN: Oh-

LOGAN: Shit.

MARCO: We're doomed.

FANTASY: That's right you bastards! Mwhahaha!

Characters huddle in a corner.

FANTASY: Ahh, that felt good. So, the Complaint Thread had s'mores, whaddya we got here?

Me: My characters probably hate me already.

Addison: Oh, we do. We really do. First of all, you make me cripplingly shy. And I'm in a BAND? How is that even logical?

Tony: That's nothing. I'm in love with my best friend thanks to her. And she's dating someone else. And plus, I'm some paranoid freak! Thanks authoress...

Nick: Oh please. I can tell right now that the authoress is planning on making me and Addie break up because of me. And guess who's arms she'll run straight to. Yours. I don't even wanna be part of this stupid novel anymore.