Egregiously Erroneous Information

Because it's in the forum description, yet I can't find the thread! So here it is. :D

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Why is the sky blue?

Many a people have tried to answer this question but are rarely correct. Often it is said that the ocean is blue because it reflects the sky. They are actually mistaken, the sky actually reflects the ocean. You may ask why it is blue over land and it is because the reflectance angle is close to 70 degrees. This means that the reflection of the land occurs over the middle of the oceans. The clouds are not actually collections of water condensation, as so naively thought, but the froth of the ocean waves as they break.

Can anyone tell me why dogs wag their tails?

Dogs wag their tails for a very simple reason: they don't like them. Many people assume that when a dog wags its tail when it sees them, it's because it's happy to see them; in reality, it's trying to convey that it really doesn't like this thing attached to its rear, and it wants to let the person it trusts most know so that maybe they'll be able to do something about it.

Why can't most fish survive on land?

Because fish need to be wet to live - out of water, their skin gets all dry and chapped and their scales peel off, and they don't enjoy that. So they stay in the water.

Why does sugar taste sweet?

Because sugar won the Great Taste War of -5436. You've never heard of this war, for it's never told in the history books today. But a long time ago all the tastes went to war to decide how sugar would taste because a psychic once predicted that one day everyone would love its taste. After a bitter fight to the end between sweet and salty, sweet smiled cutely and killed salty with kindness, rendering sweet the victor of sugar's taste forevermore.

Why do people drink bitter alcoholic drinks and claim to enjoy them?

They actually don't enjoy them. They pretend to, because they think they'll be sneered at if they admit to not liking them, because lots of other people seem to. So it goes on and on with millions of people drinking what they don't like and thinking they're the only one who doesn't like it. This may also explain caviar.

Why does the construction on my road never seem to end?

They're caught in a time loop. As far as the workers are concerned, they've only worked for one day. Unless someone outside the time loop finds a way to break in, it will go on forever.

Where do babies come from?

When people want a baby, they chop off one of their fingers. This finger soon grows back, and the one they chopped off shrinks and grows a body to attach to it. This is the baby.

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Why is school so boring??

School is boring because of the government's secret plan. They want everyone to know nothing but endless repetitions of lists of verbs and pronouns, so that no one will notice when they set about mind controlling the population.

Why do cats have such good balance?

In order for cats to have good balance, they need to be implanted at birth with Mercury containing tilt switches. Unfortunately, this Mercury can sometimes get methylated and be able to cross the blood brain barrier. Symptoms of this include hair growth in throat causing heaving, jumping at hallucinations and sitting for hous staring at a point in the room, only to get up, walk 2 feet sit down and continue to stare at the same point.

If Carbon Dioxide is heavier than air, why do we not suffocate why lying on the ground?

Because when we lie down, we're pushing the carbon dioxide under us down into the ground, through tiny, tiny holes that were drilled for that purpose. Scientists figured this out sometime in the 1950s and made these holes everywhere, so people wouldn't die when they laid down.

Why does the moon wax and wane?

Because it gains and loses weight very quickly; you see, moons love to eat and have very odd metabolisms. After a feast, it gets very fat, until it is a full circle, then feels guilty about eating so much and starves itself until it's digested all that food and becomes very skinny again. But then it gets hungry and has another feast and so on...

How did the universe form?

You know when you try to cram too many towels into the towel cupboard, and you shove with all your strength and push the door closed on them and barely, barely get the latch engaged, and then suddenly it fails and all the towels come bursting out with incredible force and fall on the floor? It was kind of like that except with stars and planets and stuff.

Why is up up instead of down?

Perhaps you've heard of gyroscopes, and their role in keeping airplanes upright? Gyroscopes don't just make sure things stay up and down, they also decide what up and down is. There is an enormous gyroscope in the center of the universe. Anyone telling you that it's actually is supermassive black hole is just lying to you.

Why do dragons breathe fire?

Actually there was a small rebel group of dragons that once tried to breath water, but the group was disbanded after their leader and three others drowned while attending an underwater basket weaving contest with a group of over-sized tuna.

Why don't oil and water mix?

Well, they experimented with breathing other things at first. Water, earth, helium, that sort of thing. But then they realized that there was a worldwide shortage of fire, so they started breathing that, instead.

What are clouds made of?

Clouds are made of cotton, of course. That's why cotton clothes are so comfortable.

What is the best way to choose a new car?

The best way to choose a new car is to capture a pigeon and tame it. Choose your favourite new/used car lot, and set your trained pigeon loose. The first car to receive your trained pigeons droppings is the one you must purchase and take home with you.


Though we've had many predictions, none of them have been correct, so I am most anxious to know the truth: When is Doomsday?

After Monday and before Wednesday, but only when it's the second full moon of the month after the third Thursday from the Vernal Equinox on which the Four inner planets align with the Moon and the outer planets align with the sun at the stroke of Noon Greenwich Mean Time. The specificity of this time is what drove us to create the atomic clock. Unfortunately, this condition was determined before the infamous "Pluto downgrade", and there is no consensus on whether Pluto is required to be included in this alignment.

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What happened to the dinosaurs?

The earth used to never have rain that reached the ground due to the heat of the planet back in the time of dinosaurs. When the planet eventually started cooling, the rain started and all the dinosaurs looked up into the sky in amazement with mouths gaped open. This caused all the rain water to run down their throats and fill their lungs, drowning them. The desert dwelling dinosaurs could not close off their nostrils to protect them from sandstorms, so these dinosaurs drowned in sand. As Mammals can close off their throats, and some (Camels) can close their nostrils, they survived, which would never have been the case if an asteroid had hit earth. And now you know.

How does a solar exclipse occur?