Critique The Synopsis of the Person Above You

Other genre forums usually have this, so here goes! Leave a critique for the synopsis of the person above you, and wait for somebody to come critique yours.

So my novel is a combination of lit fic and magical realism. Basically two young best friends discover a way to "travel" between a series of infinite worlds and universes. They grow up together with plenty of families falling apart and societal pressure on the two girls, and then, when they're in college, one of them disappears into the parallel worlds and doesn't come back. It follows her through her endless wanderings in a series of worlds- some symbolic, some downright ridiculous, some magical, while also following the world she abandoned, and the consequences her disappearence has on her best friend and both of their families.

I think you're just supposed to click on the name above yours, and critique what they put in their novel profile, then the next person does the same to you.

(But please excuse me from the exercise; I'm perfectly content playing in my characters' worlds whether or not they meet general approval. ;-) )

@ad_meliora:
I like the premise. It's really original, and there's a lot of different things you could work into the concept of infinite universes. The ability to use all of these different universes with all of their weird variations should make a great backdrop. Just remember to keep a strong emphasis on characterization, although from your description it sounds like you'll be doing that often. I would definitely enjoy reading it.

Alright, I think I just leave my name and then the person below me will click on it, right? Of course I'm right.

mattdemotts,

I like the sound of your project! I'm a sucker for family sagas set against the political and artistic backdrop of our times. These characters seem very complicated already. It should be exciting to develop them and make us feel their desperation, and work the concerns of the day into the proceedings as well.

Best of luck!

-Shem

Shem: I'm really digging the historical fiction genre that you're running with and the fact that you got some quasi-quantum timeline concepts going on has me totally intrigued...based on your synopsis (or if it were on a back-cover) I'd totally pick that book up! Would be interested in reading the first run through.

-Mutable

@MutableTiger

I am fascinated by the idea of loving "correctly". The age-old themes of 2nd chances, redemption, forgiveness, and self-discovery seem to ripple through the whole idea. It sounds like it is meant to be an uplifting tale. You have microlevel conflicts of personal relationships and introspection, but I'd like to know more off the bat about the apocalyptic environment and why and how he's trapped in a crumbling building. How does the world deteriorate so much in 9 years? Where does he hear the rumor, or from whom? I'd be interested to know if there's many people trapped with him, or just his strangely familiar caretaker. Would the apocalyptic society forget a hospice full of people?

Clearly, you've got my interest peaked!

@ ThreePatchProblem -- looks like a really interesting concept! I love magical realism (which is what this seemed to be, at least to me). The part about killing time confused me slightly (if the character *is* time, does that mean in killing time she kills herself?) but otherwise it made sense. I'd definitely be interested in seeing how you'd develop this story into an actual novel.

@thegirlbartleby

I'm very much drawn in by the synopsis you have. There are plenty of cues that rouse interest in Will's character, which is great since it seems the novel will be primarily exploring his complexities (at least on the surface). The characters surrounding Will could also be fascinating, from what little you've said of them. I'm left with questions, but they all seem to be ones you might expect from interested readers: What sparks Vicky's more in-depth interest in Will's past? What brought Will to commit suicide WITH Vicky in the car? And how are all the other lives involved with Will connected with each other? I'm glad that you seem eager to turn the mood from simple mourning to perhaps a mix of that and mystery, or something else, or a million different feelings.

@Broeale
Very intrigued by the "independence-seeking" men that literally sprout out of the ground - metaphorical I'm certain, but still a very fascinating visual. I do love the conflict of a nation that is focusing on matter "thousands of miles away" and yet oblivious to the turmoil on their own soil - I think this really strikes a chord on many levels to societal/militant contradiction - especially in terms of "divided/conflicting interests" -- that makes the "duty" of the singular man who must "stop" it all, that much more desperate - and realistically, a very "soul-shaking" task. Fascinated!

@MutableTiger:
Seems like an interesting concept. Waking up from a coma and having to adjust to an entirely new time period makes for its own drama, but with the added post-apocalyptic stuff it seems like it will have even more than usual. I'd definitely check out the openings of 28 Days Later and The Walking Dead for ways to introduce such scenarios. Make sure that you delve into the psychological issues that are almost guaranteed to arise from the setting. The whole idea where he's tracking down his children in this landscape seems like it would be a lot of fun to write and read, and I'm sure it'll wind up being great. Just avoid cliches and focus on characterization, and it should be good.

Matt, I really like your synopsis, lots of interesting characters each with their own issues to deal with and lots to contribute to the story. The interactions between them will also be interesting, I think there will be lots of potential for clashes and character development and subplots. I also love books that move around in time and between different perspectives so I like the sound of those elements too. Overall sounds really intriguing! The only thing I didn't get was the references at the end, but that's just me. :p

@Badly Drawn Girl: I feel your synopsis is a little bit bare, but I like the premise of it. Many of us have had experiences similar, meeting up again with a long lost friend. It's certainly an interesting interaction to write about as the characters explore the familiarity of their relationship with an entirely different, probably remote, spin. I think, if put together right, this novel could be incredibly exciting, funny, insightful, and an overall delightful read; however, I was not really hooked by the synopsis at all. To be honest, it wouldn't be a book I would pick off the shelf to take home with me. The synopsis really didn't allude to any conflict, character growth, or anything really save for two girls meeting back up after a few years. I would suggest expanding your synopsis a little more to grab the reader's attention. What makes their new encounter so interesting? What struggles will they find? Will they still like eachother? I would like to read something that makes your plot a plot and not just an idea.

All in all, I think you have a great base here, but I think your synopsis could really use some filling out, if you will. This novel has a lot of potential and I would love to read more in to your thoughts regarding how the novel is going to play out. Great job!

@omgitsviva: i really like how you have showed the premise and general feel for your novel. The character seems very interesting, and I love how you created a clear image even from the tiny tidbit you gave us. What I think you really did to focus on is the specifics: What are your main plot points? (I understand this is LitFIc, but there's got to be something...) What makes your novel special? What do you want people to get out of it? Focus on the unique things, and try to be clear in your explanation. You also might want to introduce a few more minor characters, just for some perspective. I think you have a really good start, and this sounds like a story I would like to read. Just focus on the specifics of what makes your novel special, and your golden :)

@lanthe - your story definitely has the unique factor, which is so important. I'm definitely intrigued as to your world and the ramifications of teenagers being adults and adults being children. I also like how you set out Bee's main conflicts right from the start, giving a feel for her character. I would've been interested in learning a little more detail as to her relationship with Leo and how his problems are more real (I'm a bit obsessed with details), but otherwise that was a great synopsis.

Happy writing!

The Girl Bartleby

@thegirlbartleby - love the mystery and the carefully rebuilding of a personality and history. I hope the revelation lives up to the suspense. The detail of the crash in the snow storm is great. From that and the quote from the suicide note I feel a stark desperation immediately. That's a good tone to keep pages turning. Reminds me a bit of one of my favorite novels: Dan Choan's "Await Your Reply". In that the payoff at the end was the connection of seemingly unconnected characters and events and wow was it a great punch in the gut. It seems that Vicky only knows one side of Will and what she learns from his friend and family presents many new facets of his character. This is a fun challenge: create a multi-faceted character piece by piece through the recollections of those he was closest to, or at least those who thought they were close to him...
Good luck! Look forward to reading more.

@pkilkelly I like it, it feels like a winter read, something to work your way through and take in. I think what interests me most is the element of a journey here. I'd be interested to see how the characters and their relationships develop as they go from NY up to Canada. I seems like there's a lot of room for development and growth. I got to tell you I don't think I would be game enough to put something like this together, It seems very direct and dependent on clear path for your characters. It sort of makes me think of some of Don DeLillo's stuff, but of course you can't really make any comparison from a synopsis. I'm sure it'll be great though, the potential is there for a really enthralling character driven story.

Happy writing!

pkilkelly,

I'm intrigued by the story of urban alienation and social decay you're writing in I Know A Place. Having a young daughter myself, the thought of Mena and her dad becoming closer through this journey resonates with me. The one thing I'm wondering is how precocious you can realistically make Mena seem: ten is a little young for a modern-day Candide wandering through Manhattan. But your concept of merging reality and imagination in this narrative has got real exciting potential.

Good luck!

-Shem

PS. Interesting to hear you're a Yo La Tengo fan. I used to see them a lot in Boston clubs in the 80's. As anyone unlucky enough to have been a passenger in my Oldsmobile in that era could testify, Ira Kaplan was my guitar god.

Ok, going to critique 2 here, as it appears 2 people did a critique on the previous.

TheZazzman ~
This sounds a TOTALLY quirky book and the very type I would pick up at the bookstore. I loved the line, "His house is starting to sink into the ground." Not only is it metaphorically foreshadowing things to come, but it also appears as if it is literally happening in the story. Way cool.

Shem-the-Penman
I like the concept going on. And it sounds like a LOT is going on. Is this going to be a mix of factual history mixed in with Aram's adventures? It sounds as if you've plotted and thought this though a lot already. I have a feeling that as the cris-crossing of characters continues throughout the story, that it somehow all ties in at the end. And if you read back after reading the ending, you'd somehow find the subtle clues as to the tie-ins. And...who wouldn't want to read a story where there are pubs involved!

Hi Greg! I very much like the simplicity of your novel idea—that there are just two main characters, Henry and this mysterious, maybe even dead, friend Edward and just one line of discovery propelling the plot. That's very much in the spirit of a NaNo first-time experience, where you get to enjoy the pleasure of creation because there's a big element of making it up as you go along, following the story along with your protagonist, eager to see what's around the next bend in the trail.

I couldn't help noticing that both Henry and Edward have the same short E sound as in your own name. =smile= That makes me wonder if they each will be parts of you, with Edward perhaps playing the role of the darker, untamed side of Greg/Henry.

I'm curious to know whether the setting is going to be in Hawaii—since that is your own ”old neighborhood"—and if so, on which of the islands. In trying to imagine your book in my head, I saw a lot of talking and not much action: if that is indeed the case, be sure to include plenty of description of the setting & of the places where these characters are meeting—and if it's in Hawaii, you'll have plenty of opportunity to flesh out their interactions with the natural environment as well as with each other. Be sure to include an arc of changes in Henry as a major part of the book, not just revelations about Edward—I'm sure you will.

In case you haven't guessed it, I hope it will be in Hawaii, a place (especially windward Oahu) I dearly love. A Hawaiian setting would make a strong selling point, because even now, Hawaii is an exotic environment that most of your readers will not be familiar with—especially the parts of Hawaii that tourists don't know, and you do, like the seedier side of the cities. Just a thought....

I look forward to reading your book some day! It's actually just the sort of book I like to read—wherever the setting.