Sex, is it important?

In my novel there's not one mention of sex so far. Granted, my narrator at the moment is only 12, but I knew about sex when I was 12 and her father is running around with various women who are not her mother. Surely there should be some mention of sex right?

Nope. Not one. And it's looking like there isn't going to be one until the very end when my narrator gets pregnant.

So how important is sex in a story? I see it all over almost all the stories I read, but there just doesn't seem to be any place for it here. Should I put some in just to "make it interesting?" People say sex sells, but isn't it better just to fade to black if the story calls for it?

Thoughts? How much sex or mention of sex are in your stories?

If her father is running around with various women, then surely that is a mention of sex in and of itself. You don't need to say the word sex for it to be clear to the reader what you're talking about. And there is no NEED for sex in a story anyway - however, if you're going to end the story with the narrator getting pregnant, then perhaps there should be some mentions of sex (again - noting that the father is out with women qualifies) seeing as sex is at the heart of a major turning point in your novel; so maybe you should ease it into your story, so it doesn't kind of, jump out at the reader in the end. Unless that's the effect you're looking for. It all depends :)

I'm puzzled about sex, too, with regard to my novel. It's autobiographical, so I certainly know enough about my main character's sex life. But there are so many things about her that are more complicated and interesting than her sexuality, which is moderately hetero and strongly monogamous—like most women. For me it's not a question about how graphic to a make a sex scene, as whether to put one in at all. Other scenes are more important, and there's only so many that will fit in a novel of reasonable length.

As a reader, I want scenes that have a function in the overall structure of a novel, however loosely constructed it may be. When a sex scene is important, I can sense that on more than one level. When it seems like it's extraneous...

I'll be interested to hear other people's answers to this question.

Never include sex unless it contributes to character/plot development. Always include sex if it is necessary for character/plot development. Some of the best sex scenes are written off of the page.

You know the most about your character, but sex really isn't a coherent concept or on the radar of some twelve year olds (even ones who become sex obsessed teenagers). BUT, I might consider some subtle foreshadowing if your character is going to end up pregnant by the end of the novel. It also might be an interesting exercise to explore how a child/young adult MC perceives the sexual actions of adults especially if that can be contrasted with how she later acts... but not if it adds nothing to the character.

For what it's worth, including sex in a novel can be as minimal as "Reader, I married him" and still hold an awful lot of implications for the characters.

Now that she's getting a little older, I'm hoping to do some thing to explore her budding sexuality, but as it's not really the point of the novel, I'm not sure how to work it in. Perhaps I should leave it out altogether and worry about it in the next draft.

I agree that including sex isn't necessary unless it contributes something to the plot or character but I'm still surprised of how tame my novel is compared to what I read. I know I shouldn't compare - but what can I do? We all like to compare ourselves to the writers we admire.

Unicornsong, I haven't any sex in my novel so far. Some people eventually fall in love, but over all sexuality isn't much of a point concerning the theme of my novel. It doesn't contribute, so I leave it out, that's it. In other novels I have used, because it had a function. It's all up to the story you are writing.

I don't really like writing sex, but as a reader, I do like the sex to be realistic. I'm not one for graphic sexual scenes, but yes, I think a healthy dose of real sex, whether alluded to or mentioned or thought about, gives believability to most characters and to the story as a whole.

But yeah, as I said, I'm not big on writing sex (scenes, allusions, characters having conversations about it, etc). So I don't really have advice for you from a writer's perspective!

I think that, since she is going to be pregnant by the end of the novel, that sex should bee foreshadowed or alluded to. You don't have to use the word sex. Sexuality doesn't have to be all about any actual sexual act.

It can be briefly expressed via the mentioning of crushes, or suddenly caring more about one's physical appearance (weight, make-up, breast size). And as someone else said already, mentioning the fact that her father is always out with woman is technically a mention of sex. Again, the above suggestions don't have to be greatly expanded on. They can be mentioned in one or two sentences, and you should be good if you want.

Last year I wrote about a young single woman, and I wrote zero sexual connotation. Zilch. I very much dislike gratuitous sex in novels, and my story didn't call for any.

This year I've writtin at least three sexual encounters between my MC and her husband. They are retired and on a journey. I didn't mean it to be a love story, but I'm afraid it's morphing into one. Dang it all. The sex is not at all explicit. In fact, it's only hinted at. I may write something like "Bill only drinks lemonade after sex," and two paragraphs later I might say "I brought Bill a cold lemonade." I let the reader fill in the blanks.

I actually realized earlier that sex is vital to my novel. I've always known there is one hugely important sex scene near the end, and everything kind of builds to that moment. However, I didn't realize until earlier today how the theme of sex and sexuality (discovering it, being comfortable with it, etc.) is totally encapsulating a lot of my chapters.

And what's funny is that my past novels pretty much never had sex. They had relationships/romances, but almost never sex. I was even nervous about having to write this sex scene for this novel. So realizing that my current novel was surrounded by themes of sexuality and discovering one's sexual identity kind of blew my mind.

I have a happily married couple in mine, so they have sex of course, but I can't decide whether it's worth even mentioning happy sex like that which is basically irrelevant to the story.

There's always the educational angle, of course. Probably most people don't know that a couple who's been married over 30 years can still be having frequent oral sex. =grin= It's not as though I have to describe it or anything...

I'm using sex to write about people's problems.

So for instance:
There's a wife that's had an affair with her husbands brother, although he's a narcissist without much to offer. A husband who's contributed to a ring of online porn sites under the pretense of helping one woman.

The actual plot though is about something very different: A man who loses his faith in himself after getting bought out from his family business. A woman who has to care for her best friend in the hospital after a car accident involving her son.

Somehow these moments about sexuality are supposed to wind us through the story.

If she ends up pregnant by the end of the novel then (I think) sex should be foreshadowed early in the book. Of course, a 12 year old’s thoughts on sex will be a lot different than a 20 year old and a lot different than 50 year olds, so the sexual references could be very subtle and even sweetly naive. I know a lot of people, including myself, whose first sexual experiences were very innocent, sweet, and more sensual than lustful. It could be an interesting experiment to write a ‘first’ experience like this.
Overall, I think sex is important, but I mean sex in a broad sense. If we are privy to the interior life of a character then we are bound to get sex, because sex shades every experience. It is the source and if we are writing Literature, then at some point our main character should be yearning for the source. Should be musing on their own source through the maternal, and the vast cosmic source. These sorts of things are tied up with the sexual on different levels and will often find expressions through human sexuality.