Character Graveyard

This is where we pay tribute to those characters that pass away during this November.

Please tell us their name, age and most importantly how they died. Maybe say a few words in their honor.

May we have a moment of silence for poor old Jake Bascom. After a lifetime of efficient dependable service as a gardener for the residents of Blackberry Terrace on what was once the outskirts of the city, he was nearly ready to retire and turn the job over to his nephew. Then, one balmy spring morning, he was found face down in the mud of a flower garden that served as a graveyard for the beloved pets of a couple he had served for over twenty years. Investigation produced a shovel that was found on the ground near Bascom's truck. It tested positive for the presence of blood. Some people started a rumor that it may have been the notorious TSoD. The police only laughed when a reporter questioned whether the rumor might be true. They said the Traveling Shovel of Death was only a silly story.

After you have finished mourning for the loss of Jake Bascom, let's take a moment to remember the short life of Laura Garrison.
She was only 25 when she "fell" from the balcony of her apartment, following an argument with your longtime boyfriend Isaac Shay, and your head hit hard on the cold stone below. Isaac seemed just as heartbroken and torn up about her death as everyone else, even agreed to talking with police to clear his name. He didn't push her, she simply backed up too far and hit the railing. The funeral was well attended, and no one laid the blame to Isaac anymore. No one except Laura's older brother, that is.

Let us offer our condolences to Michael Hogan who lost his wife Sgt. Libby Hogan.
She was KIA under classified circumstances in Afganistan. She was a war dog handler. Her K-9 warrior, "Vallor" was killed in the same incident. Their loss leaves a terrible void in the highly successful anti-terrorist operation "Sand Shepherd."

Let us offer our condolences to Det. Owen Styles for the loss of his girlfriend (soon to be wife) Madison Harris. She was killed under mysterious circumstances and her mystery remains unsolved as of today. She leaves behind one older sister and one younger brother. She was only 25 years old.

Let us not mourn the passing of Genevieve Montret, but rather celebrate her life. Genie, as she was know to her friends, was a long-time patron of the arts, was active in the local Junior League, local charities and the Garden District Music Appreciation society. She is preceded in death by her husband, Arthur and leaves behind three children, one of whom was smart enough to wipe his prints off the knife.

Can we please take a moment of silence and remember the lives of Sarah Bailey, Rhiannon Littleton , Jessica McKenzie , Ashleigh Cook , Melissa Sandwell , Heather Price and Chelsea Duncan.

All were of the tender age of 15 and their lives were taken too soon by a man who holds no form of respect for human live. They leave behind parents, friends and loved ones and their deaths remain unanswered.

We're gathered here today to mourn the loss of- well, a lot of people.

Tedd E., who was mistakenly drowned in a bathtub after a blunt force trauma to the head due to his resemblance to his famous twin brother, Tom. Tedd doesn't really leave anyone behind, since half the people who knew Tom just thought the 'twin brother' bit was a hoax, as they were never seen together. So, er, he was accidentally buried under his brother's name. But we're working on fixing that. Eventually.
Who was he again?

Professor Earl, who was trying to invent a more refined tranquilizer gun. He was founded dead, drowned in formaldehyde and buried in frogs.
He smelled kind of funny and no one really wanted to get too close to him after that, but we're pretty sure he's dead.
But he was a good professor.
Except for that whole fling he had with the married principle.

We also remember- or, think of? I don't know.
We also remember/think/what-have-you the ten other soon-to-be victims that will die in various, interesting ways as soon as the author gets around to writing outlines for it and stops being so incredibly lazy.

We are gathered here today to mourn Layla Alperin. February 24th, 1995-October 9th, 2011. She was extremely influenced by music from the very beginning-she was named for the Eric Clapton song "Layla", was a distant relative of Sharona Alperin, who inspired the song "My Sharona", and was born on George Harrison's 68th birthday. She might have found it strange that she was murdered on what would have been John Lennon's 71st birthday. She was a quiet but loving soul, and was constantly singing a song or dancing along to whatever tune life was playing. May she rest in peace.

It was damn shame they killed Eddie Ying like that. Eddie who never said nothing bad about nobody, who always found you a table even when the joint was busting at the seams. Eddie who crooned like an angel and mixed the smoothest Sidecar this side of the Hudson River. Yeah, whoever got Eddie is gonna pay for taking out one of this wretched city's last decent souls.

Bastards.

Our condolences go out to the friends and family of Denton MacDougal, local playboy. He was a good man--okay, maybe he did deal a little in ecstacy, and cocaine, and maybe he was running hookers out of his clubs, but he was a good man! Don't believe what you read in the Weekly Filth, that's nothing but a chop rag. The great-grandson of cowboy actor Harry Denton, Denton MacDougal, himself a former actor, believed in living the high-life, right up to the end. As the last member of an Old Hollywood family, he will be missed.

Let’s take a moment to mourn the passing of old Mrs. Henrietta Hazeldorf. She probably won’t be seriously missed by those in town who she was so quick to criticize. Except, her financial advisor, that is. Rumor has it that he will quickly be joining her on the other-side – if the State has their way.

I would like to draw your attention to Bartje, a Dutch lowlife, who was found dead in a canal close to his house. It turns out that he didn't drown, but was already dead before he went swimming. At least ten people are serious suspects, but they have airtight alibies. Inspector Jelle Spoelstra is in charge of the murder investigation.

Bartje leaves behind his wife Johanna, and his dog Vlekkie. They won't miss him much.

He's not dead yet, but he will be goon.
Dean "Bean" Wegley, the assistant manager of Oak's Grocery Story (formerly "O n' O Grocery"). You drank too much on the job, you cheated on your girlfriend, you stole from the register, and you were generally a prick and nobody important liked you. You will not be missed.

RIP Adam Meissner, March 23, 1980, in a private party room at Cascadia Restaurant, NYC. He was 36.

A well-regarded Broadway musical leading man, in the tall-dark-and-baritone style, Adam had just finished performing the opening of "Three Sisters", a musical adaptation of the Chekhov classic. Although he collapsed and died soon after hearing the mostly negative reviews, this was not what killed him. Although at the time his death was attributed to heart failure, after twenty years it is established that he was poisoned.

Unmarried, he was survived by his parents (since deceased), a brother and sister, and five nieces and nephews.

We gather to remember Jack Ambrose, 31, a talented CIA agent and dedicated teammate. He was tragically murdered by the enemy mole agent whom Jack had worked so hard to uncover. Though many are deeply grieved by his death, we remember that Jack would not have wanted us to mourn his loss, but rather to revel in his life, and find peace in the knowledge that Jack has finally fulfilled his twin lifelong dreams of meeting Freddie Mercury and pissing on the pearly gates. Jack leaves behind his beloved husband Fredrick, and their border collie/spaniel mix, Max, as well as numerous teammates and colleagues, all of whom considered Jack to be a brother. RIP Giacomo Valerian Ambrose. You will be missed.

RIP Mark, "Marlowe" to his friends. Found stabbed to death, age seventeen, murderer and motive for killing unknown. Mourned by his mother, missed by his friend Evita...

But DOES he die? Not if his sixteen-year-old self has any say in the matter.

Also, an innocent kid who I haven't named yet. His brother will miss him always. Rest in peace, anonymous.

We have gathered here today to mourn the loss of Emma Pembroke, nee Emma Smith, who met her tragic end on February 21st, 1887, at the hands of her beloved husband, James. So aggrieved was he at her loss, and the discovery of his having shoved her down those stairs in the first place, that he took his own life fifteen days later.

Emma is survived by her mother, Peggy, who doesn't know how she will possibly live without her. James is survived by his mother, Lenora, his father, Silas, and his very good friend Trevor Ames, who loved him as a brother.

It's too bad one of the survivors is about to join the departed, and another's about to become a killer.

It is with regret that I announce the death by drowning of Lieutenant Graham Raleigh of the Hampshire regiment, 12th February 1944. Lt Raleigh was a popular and faultlessly brave leader until his honourable discharge due to injury three months ago. The circumstances of this injury remain official secrets, although Lt Raleigh spent the last three months of his life recuperating, recovering from shellshock and adjusting to the prospect of a life lived wheelchair-bound: a life which, sadly, he was never able to enjoy. His death by drowning was a particular shock to his family as, before his accident in Italy, Lt Raleigh had always been a keen swimmer, and had indeed been responsible for teaching his younger brother and sister to swim. He was an enthusiastic, kind and loyal comrade, and will be much missed. His next of kin have been informed.

R.I.P Fabiola Reever
She was ready to give up her life and reputation, but denied to give up on the love of her life.
May her bravery be an inspiration to all of us.

R.I.P Mr. Jansen
He lived completely unnoticed and recluded, but died to save the lives of his friends and neighbours. He was the bravest man of them all.

(Okay, I kill the bravest characters apparently).