Dear Plot,

Dear plot,

Pick a bloody direction already, would you!?

Love,
Your Author

Dear Plot,

Please consist of more than just a road-trip. I mean that's fun and all but really, I know it's going to get to the point where I will be writing considerable chunks of '...and three hours/days later'.

Love,
Me.

Dear Plot,

I don't care what you seem to think. You do, in fact, need a middle.

Sincerely,
Robo

Dear Plot,

Please stop introducing your twin siblings and their messes of children. One subplot per character was enough. I do not need thirty.

On that note, please to put some of those subplots in the beginning of the novel, where I may actually be able to use them. The last four chapters have no vacancies. The first six are long strings of vacancies with occasional musty bullet-points. This is not right.

No love,

Tom

Dear Plot,

We have spent a lot of time together, and through these past, countless months of you squirming through my grey matter like some legless, eyeless, parasitic abomination, I have grown quite fond of you. You were born on to the page with only a few bits missing and I'm glad for it.

Keep it up!
Nikk

Dear Plot of #4,

Would you please talk to your younger sibling, #5. You're being overshadowed and you need to be written first. Help me out here. I have the whodunit, now I need the howcatchem. A few twists, a few turns, the occasional red herring, maybe another body. Is that asking too much?

Dear Plot of #5,

Be patient, your day will come. I promise.

Dear Plot,

I appreciate your brilliance, your humor, the action you've slipped in, and whatnot. But really. You've got to give me a title. Titles help me, you know. It's hard to be inspired when I open the document "THE AS YET UNNAMED STORY, WHICH WILL BE AWESOME AS SOON AS IT GETS A NAME BEFITTING IT'S CURRENT AWESOME STATUS". I mean, that's sorta cool and all, but I really need a title. Like, really bad. And preferably before October 31st, 11:59.

Please and thank you,
Katsa

Dear Plot,

Where are you?

Love,
Lauren

Dear Plot

Where the @*/% are you? So far you've only given me two characters, one of whom refuses to talk to me and spends most of the day moping around the train station for no apparent reason. This is not looking good. I mean, I won last year - admittedly it wasn't exactly brilliant, but I did hit the word count. I do have standards to keep up, you know.

If you don't appear soon I'll be setting last year's characters on you, and that won't be pretty. You have been warned.

Yours in desperation
Halo

Dear Plot

I'd really love to know what happens to the MCs during most of the pilgrimage. Knowing what sparks their doubts toward the idea that their goal is noble and good would help bigtime. Also, what are you going to be called?

Work yourself out some more!
-Pixie

Dear Plot,

Stop revealing yourself to me while I'm sound asleep. You know good and well that I don't remember the details of my dreams. I'm tired of waking up with a vague memory of your general awesomeness and no recollection whatsoever of your specifics.

Stop being a tease,

Roni

Dear plot,

Seriously? Is that it?

Okay...


Dear other plot,

I swear to all you hold holy, TALK TO ME.

Dear plot,
Thanks for revealing yourself today. Now would you mind telling me something about the MCs except from 'His name is Korean! :D'? Thank you.

Dear Plot,

You started out nice, now tell me how the hell these loose ends will tie.

Love,
your patient Author.

Dear Plot,
I love you! But uh... please be more clear

Dear Plot,

Please, please don't tapdance across the line of irreverent parody / black comedy / homage to WWII tropes into utter tastelessness. I love you, I love your characters, I love the fact you're almost aware of how ridiculous all this is. I know you'd offend my grandmother. Heck, you'd probably offend my mother. Just keep in mind, you're mocking how people think about WWII, rather than the actually war itself.

Also (and I can't believe I'm asking you this) could you involve more characters? Not that I don't adore Elsie, Frankie and Torquil, but there need to be more people coming and going through here.

Much love for you, though I occasionally fear you are too blatant a case of author appeal,
-Delie

Dear Plot,

You have given me 3 clear chapters! Chapter 1,2 and 5. Please give me a few (say, around 25?) more! Its all good having my MCs throw things at me, yet if I can't see them properly it isn't going to happen any quicker.

Love,
Me

Dear Plot 1,
Why did you have to be so complex and unwritable? You're completely out of my range, above me in years and knowledge. I began you from a lame computer game; you have become a living bulk. The house where you originated is now a sideline. Your main character is impossible. How and Why did we get here? If you hadn't gotten so large I might have written you.
Yours, Lalo

Dear Plot 2,
You, too, began with a setting, but you have stayed there. You are a sluggard, refusing to follow the many paths you could take, or even to grow a proper character. The only direction you've expanded is the hardest, so I must say again: I know nothing about politics. Good luck, if you get up the energy to do anything.
Yours, Lalo

Dear Plot 3,
I have two characters, but the plot they're trying to cook up is a bad romance novel. If you would fling yourself into existence and insert something, I would be thankful. But please keep it manageable and give me some fantasy, because I will likely end up writing you.
Your, Lalo

Dear Plot,

I love you. You are so full of drama. I love all the little twists you keep throwing at me. You keep surprising me, and I think that's a good thing. If you surprise me, surely you will surprise my eventual readers as well.

Now, if you would just be so kind as to tell me how you're going to end, that would be great.

Thanks!

Regina

Dear Plot,

You're being horrible. I hate you.
Everything was going on so well between us, I was finally convinced that you were The One, and then suddenly you let me down this way, you stop caring about me, you stop making me feel like there's anything worth saving between us because somehow, you make your characters so unappealing to me that I can't write them. It's not that I don't like them, quite the opposite, really, but I'm not inspired by them. Things can't continue working like this. We have to find a solution, and soon, because otherwise this won't work out. Sorry, but that's just the way things are.

Love (or what used to be love)
Valeh.