Do writing and loneliness go hand in hand?

I think this is the right forum to post this in.

I hate to sound like I'm whining, but I am -so- lonely when it comes to writing. No one around me gives a damn. On the contrary, my best friend (who I love in all other aspects) tells me to shut up about it frequently. Not because I talk about it a lot, but because we became friends through writing, she doesn't write anymore, and somehow she thinks that's my fault. I won't go into that.

I know the stereotype of writers being loners, but I'm really not that kind of person. I don't want to talk about my writing specifically, I just need to talk to someone. Ever read Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency by Douglas Adams? Remember that guy who couldn't think unless he was talking? That's me. If I can't talk to people, I have no inspiration. If I can't have inspiration, I can't write and then I get really depressed.

And while I love you guys because this is the greatest community ever, it's just not the same as sitting in front of someone and having a real conversation.

Bleh, I just needed to vent. No, actually, I need to write. But I can't, 'cause I have no one to talk to. Great. I've tried researching online writing communities, but this is the only place where replies are more frequent than once every 6 months.

I see threads, a lot, about how people get annoyed that their friends and family ask about their writing, and while I can imagine how annoying it must be for people to treat something so personal as something casual that can just be explained real quick, I am so jealous. You have no idea how badly I wish I could trade with those people. I think I'd burst into happy tears if someone I knew gave a hat and bothered to ask instead of asking me to shut up.

And for that matter, I wish I knew other people who were into writing. I love listening to what inspires other people and what they want to achieve with what they write.

Sorry for the rant, but is anyone else in the same situation? And in that case, wanna send private messages to each other like maniacs?

Like I've said before, I think I really started writing because I needed a stress relief, something that I couldn't get mad at. But at that time, it was also because I never saw anyone I knew, and was practically stranded at home. I didn't have a Facebook account at the time, so I couldn't really stay in contact with anyone. And as far as knowing other people who write goes, the only other person that I know who writes stories is my sister, and she isn't as constant with writing as I am (and I'm really inconstant).

And I agree: we need people that we can look in the eye, be able to reach out and touch them, and have a conversation with them.

None of my real-life friends write the way I do. The person who used to be my best friend until three days ago when she said she didn't feel like my friend anymore (I am not even making this up) writes short stories that are semi-autobiographical, but she doesn't talk about them. The person who was my best friend until I realized that a lot of what she had told me about herself since middle school was almost definitely complete BS (not making that up either) occasionally writes fanfiction and even more occasionally attempts something original. My now best friend doesn't write at all. My pastor and adopted mother figure writes poetry in her journal. She's really the only one I can talk to about my writing. My mom doesn't get it. My roommate doesn't get it--she tries, but she doesn't. My college big sister gets it only slightly better than my roommate and does the thing where she's always asking to read things and I'm like "I have nothing written that I'm proud of." I now have a friend who writes fanfiction, but our point of connection is Supernatural and I haven't tried talking to her about writing yet.

Short answer? Yeah. I would love to be able to talk about my writing with people. I would love to have someone I could talk to more than once every two weeks (which is how often I can talk to my pastor usually) about writing. I would love someone to bounce ideas off of, someone who understands that calling my characters Mary Sues and my ideas cliche is not okay unless you really, really, really mean it, because those are the kiss of death and my last idea bouncer threw them around like they were nothing. I would love to be able to talk about my writing with another writer.

I know what you mean! Back in the day, when I was active in the writing community, I had a lot of friends online that were writer friends. I didn't have any real-life writer friends, but the fact that I had friends online I could talk to was enough for me.

Now, I have no friends in real life I could talk to. They would all probably laugh if they even knew I was a writer, since my friends aren't very creative and are all just logical and stuff like that. No fun. And my boyfriend says he'd be supportive but I still feel silly saying, "Oh babe, my character did the funniest thing today!"

And on top of that, i have no online friends to chat with :/ Sure I post in forums but there are not that many frequent replies and it sucks I can't personally talk to anyone about my writing and it makes me really lonely :/ I love interacting with people and writing. It really is something that gives me inspiration.

So I know what you mean, and even though you're not alone in this, it could be very lonely.

Hey guys, I was reading your posts and I was wondering if you ever thought of getting together on Skype/MSN/, or something for writing chats. They may keep everybody accountable for their writing/brainstorming/revising needs, and it may ease up on these feelings. I took have been so frustrated that I can't articulate my ideas, and a part of it, I think, is that I don't have any way to vocalize them. None of my friends write, and while forums are nice, we often forget to check them, or get busy. I know there are other groups out there, at least during Nano that have web chats. I don't know if you'd be interested in doing them off season as a small group.

That does sound like a really good idea, McBeckettLG, but I think but personal schedules and time-zones would be a big issue with something like that - at least when it's not in season.

It'd be great, though, at least for those of us who need someone to talk to about stuff. How do you go about organizing something like that, anyway?

And thanks for the replies, guys, it helps a lot to know that I'm not the only one with that problem. (:

For me, it's quite different. I actually know more people since I started doing Nanowrimo. They are awesome people. :) I guess finding people in your region who also write is probably not so difficult with the help of the forums here. :)

True, it might get a little difficult off season. Honestly I've only really joined them, I've never actually started one. I'm sure that through PMs and what not, things could get sorted out. For me, it's a bit of a challenge getting in contact with people through write-ins and what not because i'm on a college campus without a car. But it is true that you can meet a ton of really nice people here who will help you through most of your writing challenges.

I'd love to join some sort of writing group, actually. But I can never find any active ones

I write because Im lonely

It can be a lonely affair, but it doesn't have to be. I do a lot of Google+ silent writer hangouts... and they're tremendous fun. It's less pressure, since it's more of a chat room with cameras so you don't have to actually TALK, and you're there with other writers, so you know they're doing things too.

When November rolls around, look for local NaNo groups in your area - I have tons of writer friends now, who don't look at me like I'm crazy when I mention stubborn characters or plots that won't cooperate.

Yes.

That's the simple answer. I have a couple of friends who listen to me talk about my writing, and my mum is reading my novel, but that's about it... I think many of us, as someone above has said, write because we're lonely. I'm certainly lonely a lot of the time. Oh well... Back to my fictional friends.

I wish I wouldn't seem selfish if I went on and on about my novel. I guess I kind of think like an evil mastermind in this way: I'm lonely and don't fit in now, but once they see what I can do- they will love me!!! MWAHAHAHA!

That being said, I don't write for recognition. I just feel like I can talk better in a story than in a conversation. I hope people "get" me once they read my book. Half the time I'm in my own fictional world anyway, so I'm fine. But yes, I do worry that once I'm out of school I'll have no friends. Except for my characters, anyway! ;D

It would be nice to have writer friends, but honestly those friends I have had who said they were writers weren't a big help either. My Mom kind of understands, but not really. I mean, I can talk about writing and people try to be supportive, but my Mom usually makes me feel like the story is dumb. I once dropped a story for 5 months because I told her about it and her answer was "huh" in a non-commentary sort of a way. One of my old friends would try to be supportive, telling me that ideas sounded cool, but then he would say something stupid, like "Just like in Star Wars." :( He meant well. As for the others, I don't ever really talk about the writing process, but sometimes an idea that just came to mind will come out of my mouth. Like one day I started talking to my Mom about how different Savannah would be if there were mermaids in the river (the scary, bait people into the ocean and drown them kind of mermaids) and she looked at me like I had lost it. I asked my friends if they thought a race of androids would keep relics of the people who programed the first androids (in my defense we were studying relics in my late medieval history class) and even the self-proclaimed writer said that that was too weird for words. So, in a way, not so much the writing but the thought process that makes it where I have something to write about, seems to separate me from other people, even family members. So in that sense, being a writer kind of makes me lonely. But that wouldn't change if I stopped writing, so might as well have some fun with it, right?

Um, if you want to Nanomail me, I have been checking pretty frequently for the past month or so. Assuming you don't think I'm weird now.

I think that sometimes I write when I'm lonely, but I wouldn't say that I write because I'm lonely. But I'm just as likely to go for a walk or watch a movie or call my mother when I'm lonely as I am to write.

And maybe I'm just fortunate enough to have a couple of really good writing friends I can babble to. I mean, one of them is an internet-only friend, and the other one I almost never get to see in person, but they don't even bat an eye when I say something along the lines of "My character wanted me to do this." Usually they'll reply with their own character woes.

NaNo write-ins are definitely a good way to meet fellow writers in your area.

Though truth be told, my closest writing friendships were kindled through years of fanfiction interaction.

Sometimes it feels like people don't really get me. It sometimes feels like I'm just way to different.
Even my writer friends don't really understand. Now they write short stories and prose poetry. They don't get terms like Mary Sue unless I tell them.
Yeah, it can get pretty lonely for me. Especially since sometimes I feel left out with almost everyone. And when I feel like actually talking about my novel it feels like they aren't really listening.
It really depends on the person. I'm a bit of a loner, sometimes I just wanna go to places alone sometimes I need people.

I write because I still like bedtime stories at my age.

I think a good writer needs to have both sides to them--you need to be able to be reclusive for a while, but you also need to see people so you can remember what a social life is so your characters aren't talking to the wall.

But I think the actual physical part of writing can be lonely, which is why I love a good matching Alpha to the story I'm writing. That or just someone to talk to that can put up with your... well you know, the whining, the complaining and the basic process of writing. Finding such a match is difficult 'cause you have experience levels, etc to deal with.

I'm lucky enough to have two friends who love writing-one even did Nano with me. The thing is, I write differently from them. My friend is all action, no description. I gave her an idea to boost her plot once, and she turned nearly all of it into a few sentences. Each of those sentences would have been a page if I wrote it. Also, I think she has her characters do stuff. I find out stuff maybe a minute before my characters do, if I'm lucky. Not to mention, most of my really supportive friends aren't writers. It's a bit annoying. So far, I'm only letting one friend read my Nano, and I keep adding disclaimers such as "This is terrible, don't tell me about it." Yeah..... I should be working on that, I want to finish it before Camp Nano comes around.

Yes. Writers, by nature, are solitary creatures. That doesn't mean we can't love to talk, or socialize, or be around people. It just means that we do a lot of our work alone. After all, our characters speak only to us. They live in our heads alone until we put them down on paper. Look, no matter how many people you talk to and bounce ideas off of, the real writing is done alone.

The most writing I've done is when I had a friend encouraging me. Mostly, my friends and family want to read what I have written. But beyond that, I don't bounce off a lot of ideas. Their views of the world are so different from mine, so I have a hard time talking to them when my own writing deals with a lot of big issues.

For some reason, I find it easier to talk to someone who is my age and thinks along my lines.

But really, I honestly write because that is the only way I think my voice will be heard. I can be more assertive in life, but I still often go unheard. It seems like people have such strong opinions that it makes is hard to share my view or my character's view. Even if I did explain it, they put it down and I always leave feeling like I wasn't clear.