Dear Author

Characters not happy? Now they can write to you as well.

Dear Syikana,

Seriously you're going to put me through hell aren't you? I'm not even techincally your MC. I'm a SMC. Your MC's best friend remember? She should be going through hell not me.

No love.
Owen.

Dear LadyJaneway,

My middle name is DELTA CENTER? Seriously? Seriously? You are aware that this is a novel set in the 21st century and not some 1950s sci-fi magazine piece, right?

Yours (but only through copywrite law and not through any sort of love),
Metis "Delta Center" O'Limpea

Dear Alaina,

Please start actually planning what may or may not happen to us soon. It seems all up-in-the-air. We get that you're a last minute planner, but , really? C'mon! November's almost here.

-All Your Characters

Dear Author -

You hate me, don't you. You keep killing people I care about! STOP IT!

You're ruining my life.

I REALLY don't like you.
-Kyria

Dear author,

Won't you please stop getting distracted by your flashy little sods and pay attention to those of us who actually deserve to have our stories told? Thank you.

Sincerely yours,
The Hon. James S. Wyndham

Em,

Because honestly I refuse to call you mum (you are ten different types of clinically insane), but that's not the point - the point is, you have to stop. High school will be fine if you just STOP YOUR MEDDLING.
I AM NOT GAY.

not yours in the least,
Jay.

Dear Gwynn,

I hate you. Why me? Why do I have to be the one that everyone hates. Why am I the bastard son of the Duke and the evil sorceress? My life sucks. And my jerk of a cousin/brother isn't making things any better. You know what I found today? A man thong. Aiden's man thong. I think I'm going to kill myself. Oh but wait! I could just kill Aiden and then I'll be next in line for the thrown...BUT NO. You won't let me! Because there's a "sensitive side" to me and deep down I "care" about Aiden. Pfft. Who are you kidding woman?

I hate you,

Orin

Dear Author,

you're a dick and one night I will douse you in gasoline, let's see how you like that.

Kisses from a now lipless firedancer,
Lorenz.

Dear Jade,

Really, now? I try to save the planet and what do I get? A leg blown up and paralyzed in the other! Go to hell.

-Screw you,
Vay

Dear Haselnuth,

I know you have a thing for that superhero. I understand that. But it's only 13 days left. Could you please leave that guy alone on focus on me? I am the MC. I should have a personality. I should... hello, I am standing right here.. Oy!

Ugh, I give up. But don't say I didn't warn you.

Jack

dear tatu_luver

please please please stop procrastinating from writing our character profiles!!!!! WE NEED PERSONALITIES NOW!!! forget about the tv and your facebook and focus on us

no love
your characters

Dear GildedFox,

Who do you think YOU are? You really think that you have what it takes to write about me? You think that a naive piano teacher from Kansas is going to be able to capture my genius on the written page? Come on, even Gary Oldman couldn't do me justice and he's the greatest actor that ever lived.

Yours Reluctantly,
Ludwig van Beethoven

P.S. You're very lucky that I'm interested in this Sophia character or else I wouldn't have anything to do with this debacle. Now...I'm not seeing any sex scenes in this outline of yours and it has me a bit concerned...

***

Dear GF,

Stop giving all my good scenes and lines to that silly female protagonist that you've made up. She's not even real...I was actually there! And stop staring at my glass eye.

In good faith,
Ferdinand Ries

****

Dear GF,

Just because you had trouble playing my oboe concerto in high school does NOT give you permission to portray me as a pompous @$$ in your so-called novel. Nevermind the trouble between me and Ludwig, that is none of your business. Perhaps if you had spent more time practicing your oboe concertos instead of sitting around daydreaming about Beethoven we wouldn't be in this whole mess in the first place.

Not Entirely Yours,
Joseph Haydn

***

Dear GF,

First off, I'm flattered by the fact the fact that you've decided to create m and bless me with talents and wit and I'm even more excited about the idea of meeting the great Ludwig van Beethoven. But I've got some issues. Some of these things you've got me doing seem a little out of character for a woman in Napoleonic Era Vienna. But I'm intrigued, so I'm giving you the benefit of doubt, but don't get me wrong. I'm not at all comfortable with the situation you've put me in and I'm going to fight you every step of the way. You've got me giving up a comfortable lifestyle with a reasonable man in order to follow my passions and ambitions on some sort of risky adventure with a tortured and temperamental genius. I'm not so sure that I'm okay with all of this just yet. What do you think this is, Jane Eyre?

Trusting you won't mess this all up
Sophia Reynard (a.k.a. Fredrik Rheinhart)

***

Dear GF,

Do you hate me or something? I do everything to treat your female lead with the respect and love that she deserves. I offer her stability and unconditional love. And what do you go and do? Make her fall in love with my best friend. Nice.

Insufferably Jilted,
Lorenz von Breuning

P.S. Look, I know that in real life I died of Typhus at 26, but can't you take some artistic liberties with that or something? Please? I'll be a good, well behaved character, I promise.

Dear Mel,

Kazm here! Just wanted to say...why are you wasting time on this NaNo thing? Write my story!! NOW!!! I'm getting sick of wandering around in such an old airship. And I'm getting hungry! Do you realize how hard it is to find a good chef these days? Where di Reuben go, anyway? I want my chef back!!! T_T And why aren't I in that new story you're doing? You're writing about the guy who killed my sister!! Why?! How come he's the main character?!

Me: *interrupting* He is not the MC. He is the slightly insane love interest.

Kazm: *shoving me out of his letter* Then the MC is even more insane, for falling in love with him! Anyway, write my story!! Now!!! I'm bo-ored!!!!!

with love, Kazm.

~

Dear Miss Creator,

How do you do? My name is Laurence. I suppose you knew that already, but you seem to be forgetting, lately. Anyway, best of luck writing Sparrow's story this coming month.

sincerely, Laurence 'Luck'.

~

Dear Ms. Mel,

Hi!! It's me, Cole!! I just wanted to check in and make sure you haven't forgotten about me!! cause it's really cold down here, and I really need to go find Ki soon...poor Ki, she must be so scared...A-anyway. Thank you for putting up with me for so many chapters, and please don't forget to write the rest of them!! (And thanks for making Part 2 from my POV! I'm really having fun with that!!).

Love, Cole.

Dear Author,

Listen, I've got an idea. Instead of writing something new, why don't you just rewrite the first book instead and miss out the bit where we go to the Club and Kit meets Brian? Not that I've got anything against Brian of course, he's pretty cool (don't tell him I said that). Actually he's pretty hot too (where on earth did that come from? Definitely don't tell him I said that). Anyway as you know I've had a thing for Kit since, well like forever so if you could like sort of change history I'd be eternally grateful. Not I'm not totally in love with Lex of course, but Kit's just well, you now, I don't have to tell you what he's like.

Anyway I guess you won't so if you could just mention my dark grey eyes and nice cheekbones from time to time I'd be pretty happy with that.
Hugs,
Francis Cahill X


Dear Francis,

You guessed correctly. And did anyone ever tell you that you talk too much?
Ang
X

Dear author,

yeah, I get it you are acting slightly insane when you see me, your MC, in front of your eyes, and those eyes glaze over and all you can do is drool in a damn cup and go all ga-ga, but I *CAN'T* run through the entire story shirtless. You put me in an African war zone, fercrisssake! I refuse running around shirtless 99 per cent of the story! You choose if you want to create another MC that will co-operate with you, or not.

I shouldn't be writing letters to you,

Lake

- - - - -

Dear author,

am I a coward or am I a brave one? Please choose a goddamned direction for me. Stop drooling over Lake, and start thinking about me as well. I'm starting to lose faith in you.

very puzzled,

your -currently- nameless FMC

Dear Leonin,

You realize that I am a parallel to GOD! That is right, I am God. You are my creation. Thus everything I disagree with won't happen in your novel because I don't want it to. Wait... You are going to write it anyway? Leonin, you realize you have created a paradox, don't you?

With Eternal Love,
First Father

Dear Ophelia Ann,

What the hell? So not only do you stuff me in a world of misery, you steal my name too? Seriously, what is WRONG with you?

Sincerely,
Ophelia-Ann

------

Dear OA,

Who are you? What are you? And how can you make me dance like a marionette? Wait...don't answer that. You might make me do things. However, I swear to Buddha, if you make me bang someone during this here Zombie Apocalypse (won't let that happen, mind you), I will gut you. Remember? Survivalist. I know things that WILL make you bleed.

From Your Friendly ZA Survivor,
Camille

Dear Halo

Are you going to find me a name? I'm getting a little tired of being known as MC2. And 'I think it's going to start with P' isn't going to be enough once we get to the first of November. And whilst we're at it, where are all the other characters?

Get a grip, please

Yours,
MC2

Dear Foxstar,

Please give me a second name. I mean, really? How hard is it to find a name that fits me? Just, ask your friends or something. Do SOMETHING, please.

Sincerely,
Snow---

Foxstar2000,

Stop giving me background. I have always been heartless and I have always been hated and looked down upon instead of that Snow---. Stop making it seem like this all stems from one little incident when we were kits.

Nightflame

Miss Mango,
I don't appreciate your manipulation of your life. I was perfectly happy as a lonely, bitter scientist-bachelor. I don't need you setting me up with an intelligent, attractive woman of whom I'll never be worthy and I most certainly don't appreciate your desire to crush my soul after developing the beginnings of a legitimate emotional connection by making me a passive participant in the murder of her sister.

Respectfully,
Dr. N.M. O'Faolain


Mango,
Seriously? You killed my sister? That's not cool.
And I realize that my fascination with Dr. O is a bit... excessive, but you don't have to TELL everyone about it.
Final note: how the hell am I supposed to take down a corrupt organization? And which corrupt organization am I supposed to destroy? WHAT'S GOING ON HERE

I still like you,
Eva


Mangolady,
I don't want to die. Please don't make me hurt Eva.

Yours,
Beck