How Hollywood will ruin your book-turned-movie for fans

We all dream of it at some point or another. Publication, and then a movie option. Thousands of fans camping out at box offices so they can get tickets as soon as they go on sale. But there's always that dark side of that one great moment. Hollywood decides to change some things to make your book "more appealing" in movie form. The fanbase goes nuts. Blogs are set fire with these behind the scenes updates, there is an uproar, and your fans look to you to be their champion. So what crime will Hollywood commit against your integrity when you're famous? From the Imaginary Associated Press, here's how they'll ruin mine:

"In a strange throwback to Warner Brother's attempts at Akira, Touchstone Pictures has come under fire for attempting to whitewash the cast of Sadira's Song. Fans are in an uproar over the announcement. Petitions are circulating the net, calling on director Michael Bay to consider the list of Middle Eastern and Middle Eastern American actors to fill the roles. Michael Bay declined to comment on casting decisions.

"Another point of contention is a change to the female lead. "She's not supposed to talk," says one irate fan. "Her voice is a destructive force! We might as well hand this whole thing over to Disney. Then she can sing about how she can't talk." Disney representatives could not be reached for comments.

"Fans are also expressing trepidation at Michael Bay's involvement in the movie in the first place. "He's just going to fill it with cliche dialogue and explosions. That's not what this book's about," says Gunther McAtherson, of Janet County, Nevada. Why couldn't we have gotten Peter Jackson, or someone else with directing talent.

"When asked about his decisions, Michael Bay was quoted as saying "There's a girl in this thing who can destroy things with her voice. This story's begging for explosions! The fans will thank me later."

"At this time, the author could not be reached for comments, but her blog displayed a video of herself, banging her head against her desk for five full minutes." -IAP


So... how will Hollywood ruin your vision?

"This just in! It seems that the movie rights for KJ's spectacular series are now being discussed. There are three directors set in the line up at this time, Peter Jackson, M. Night Shyamalan, and Tim Burton! These three will be taking her first two novels- The Phoenix Squad and King of The Mountain- And turning them into movies. What will possibly happen to the plot?
Peter puts in an odd twist by having a magical helmet in King of the Mountain be the prize being fought over, instead of the crown, and Song- a girl whose voice is being changed to that of a a Siren, is now on a quest to destroy the helmet by tossing it into the pits of the volcano-"

"What?" KJ yells as she's reading the article. "There's not even a volcano on the island!"
"-but first, she must get the helmet back from her love interest Howl-"
"That's her brother you ninny! Not a love interest!"
"- who stole her helmet and her heart. Her journey is disrupted however, for whenever she falls asleep, her dreams take her to a world of singing imps who are trying to get her to fall in love with the goblin king, Tobias-"
"Oh for the love of Narnia, what in the world is going on? How in the world is Modern day America infested by goblins and imps? Whats next, David Bowie?"
"However, we're far more excited for the release of the Phoenix squad, where a mute unicyclists named Ari must fight the forces of hell with her brother and three friends."
"Her brother is dead."
"But since shyamalan is making this film, expect the entire thing to be in flashback, because the main hero dies at the end."
"Wow."

Going to extremes with the friendship/unrequited love thing with my characters Darren and Emil. Someone might go the entire "Brokeback Mountain" route with them---which does not, does not happen at all. Another more prudish producer may eliminate Darren's unrequited thing for Emil---which is a shame since it's important to the development of Darren's character.

Another way they might ruin the story is in how my female character Marce is portrayed. A producer may make her too pretty and girly---which would be wrong since she's supposed to be a little plain and a bit of a tomboy. But a producer may also get it wrong by making her too butch or "a guy trapped in a girl's body". Which is wrong too since she's got a vulnerable, decidedly more feminine side that is obsessed with relationships.

And another way this story can be ruined? Writing in an "antagonist" to account for Darren's failure on West End.

Still another bad way to render this story into film would be to downplay the activism and political tensions within the story. Eliminate these elements---it becomes simply another teenage "One Tree Hill" or "Glee" type of comedy. The political backdrop is very, very important to this story---another reason it may get banned someday.

If my current duo of NaNo novels were turned into a film or pair of films, the producers would probably relocate events from Ireland to America and not have any Irish characters/actors in it out of the fear that US audiences wouldn't understand their accents. The Irish-language scenes would also be thrown out or changed into English because Hollywood doesn't like different languages and subtitles in films.

They would probably also change the style of my characters' band from being a rock band to a supposedly more "fashionable" pop, dance or r 'n' b group which would have me pulling my hair out. I cannot for the life of me imagine Lindsey, Michael, Thomas and co. doing those silly dance routines.

My MMC's family history would probably be altered and his father's crimes would inevitably be shoehorned into having been part of some IRA plot or something.

There's a fair bit they could mess up with my novels. In the (admittedly unlikely) event that anyone does ever make these into a film, I would be there on set watching everything like a hawk and making sure it was done right.

They'd pick people to play my characters... And they'd all be generic hollywood clones. I HATE THAT SO MUCH. Yes, they're super-beings, and the most powerful things on earth (potentially) but they all look rather unimpressive. Also, I'm sure they'd stick in a 'romantic' sub-plot, and that would make me cry. Because the books are about FRIENDSHIP and KILLING STUFF.

Let's see...

Deonne, one of the major characters who happens to be black, will be turned into a stereotypical, sassy black woman. Who probably only listens to rap/hiphop and constantly goes out to club. (While she does have a bit of an attitude, it's not that much of her personality and she enjoys classical just as much/more than rap or hiphop or whatever.)
Oiserdi will be toned down and turned into some pretty elf-thing so that the light romantic subplot won't be as weird. Or they'll take out the romance involving him entirely and make him a creepy thing with no redeeming qualities. That will be the big thing, turning fans into uproaring maniacs. (His grin is like a shark's, he is almost always smiling, his ears are over six inches long, and he's pretty much an over-affectionate puppy dog.)
Marilyn the main character will lose her feminine qualities, instead Hollywood will figure the audience can't handle a gamer girl who is comfortable with being feminine and wearing dresses. She's be in a torrid love affair with one of the antagonists (when, at best, they had seen something could have been there, but this whole mess would never let it happen), have an unrequited crush on Mr. Starrett (who is married), or possibly with another character that I have yet to develop.
Mr. Starrett's age will be taken down so they don't have to deal with the questionable May-December he has with his wife who is 20 years younger than him. Or Mrs. Starrett will be made older.

Or, they will take out any seriousness in the plot and turn it into another version of Scott Pilgrim vs. The World with nerdy college students with video game references galore. (I honestly haven't seen this movie and am not saying it's bad. It's just very much different from my story.)

THE TRIVIAL TRIBUNE, "Pix and Tix" movie review column, dateline November 32, 20??

"It's been said that the surest way to kill a golden goose is to sent it to Hollywood. So is the case with 'Second-Chance Magic,' the blockbuster breakout fantasy novel that made TBW a household name.
"Early signs of trouble came when Peter Jackson, who initially optioned the film, was forced to pass on the project due to complications from ongoing litigation by the three New Zealand actors who claimed they were discriminated against by not being cast as extras in his seminal Lord of the Rings trilogy. The script, initially approved by TBW, underwent drastic revisions when the new director, unknown Johnny John, was picked by Disney to spearhead the project. Formerly Michael Bay's official coffee tester, director John reassured unsettled fans by claiming that he had read the book and held a 'deep respect' for the source material.
"In Hollywood, 'deep respect' means 'high hopes for massive piles of cash.'
"Nevertheless, I was willing to give it a chance. After all, Michael Bay shocked the world with his astounding Transformers 6: Synthesis of Soul, which not only redeemed the previous installments of the franchise but wowed die-hard skeptics (like myself) with its deft interplay of character development against an existential backdrop of galactic and personal entropy, launching today's "neo-action noir" movement.
"Alas, Johnny John must have been tasting someone else's coffee before that triumph.
"The casting of pop-star Heidi Ho as the lead, tottering about on six-inch heels while squealing out lines like a crack-addicted pig, summarizes just how little John cared for the source material; seemingly under the delusion that she's shooting yet another borderline-soft-core video for her latest album, she thrusts and pouts and poses while giving bedroom eyes to everyone and everything in sight, especially the cameraman. The pivotal half-faerie Fox Robin - half-ally, half-villain enigma from the book - transforms into a misplaced, muscle-bound action man (played by Rock Hardcheese, most recently seen in the equally atrocious He-Man remake) constantly in search of a shirt, barking out dialog without any hint of the subtle mockery and sly half-truths the character was known for. Alas, the rest of the movie could not hope to overcome these obstacles even if it tried... which may explain why it gives up, shrugs its shoulders, and degenerates into an explosion-riddled, FX-heavy mess with an almost gleeful "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em" mentality. The plot is utterly unrecognizable, the powerful ending changed so drastically it feels like it was cut from a different movie. It wraps up with shameful hip-hop dance number - evidently that music video that Heidi Ho kept searching for.
"As the closing credits rolled by in an illegible grunge font that literally hurt my eyes, I cannot help sympathizing with TBW, who tried, with numerous unsuccessful lawsuits, to stop production of this travesty. The only consolation is that this butchered atrocity bears so little resemblance to her book that nobody could possibly confuse the two anymore."

Hannah will most likely be cast as a pretty white girl. She's stated to be biracial in the book - black and German Jewish - but since it's not part of her storyline at all, there's no reason not to make her blonde and beige, right?

The Ilse/Andre subplot would barely even be alluded to - it's not really necessary, but I like those two so much that I'm pairing them up (before killing them off, sigh).

Leroy's death would have to be explicitly spelled out onscreen, rather than left as a mysterious disappearance, just to clear up any confusion.

And... that's it, I think. It's basically written with the same structure as a screenplay, so I don't think we'd run into any problems there.

"It's never easy censoring a work that was never meant to be censored. Yet if the adaptation of Felicity-Zara Stewart's Free Fall, the controversial novel that has not only garnered a cult following, but as of recent times a more widespread one, is to ever achieve a worldwide cinema distribution, producers tell her that cuts are going to have to be made.

"'It's not as unusual as Stewart seems to think,' comments one unnamed source. 'The adaptation of Bret Easton Ellis' American Psycho did spectacularly well on its own merits, without retaining any of the excess from its source material.' Stewart, however, remains stuck in her ways, insisting that the choice to make the plot 'more coherent' by transforming it from a series of semi-tragic suicides into a city-wide conspiracy to kill off influential members of society is more than just one step too far.

"The project has been plagued with its fair share of problems from the start, from controversy concerning a series of slated directors to nasty conflicts over casting decisions. Stewart voiced her fears from the outset, stating that she 'did not want [the film] to become a contrived parody of its literary counterpart', and felt that '[the novel]'s impact would be lost in the process of trying to find the right audience.' She was quick to point out that a loyal following would indulge, most likely more than once with an obsessive need to pick out differences between the silver screen rendition and the original, but bitterly noted that this would not be enough, regardless of the original budget.

"Fans were reportedly outraged at the prospect of seeing a much younger actor playing the role of Courtney Vaughn, the investigator struggling in his work on each case, as well as facing difficulties in his personal life. One fan raged on an online forum that 'they're bringing in someone a decade too young as eye-candy, ignoring the story entirely. This is pathetic,' while another commented that 'how this guy will be able to support a story heavy as this is anyone's guess. I really hope that the people working on this film realize what they've done wrong before it's too late.'

"The real kick is the amount of censorship going on, however, with some of the stories from the novel even having been cut. One story in particular follows porn actress Nicolette Summers, and the disturbing result of her failed attempt at a normal love life. Stewart reasons that she can see why Hollywood would be opposed to including such a scene in a film, but then comments that 'Palahniuk's Snuff was optioned. How the hell were they going to treat it, if they're treating a story that equates to less than six-thousand words this way?' Another reported change is the decision to treat Free Fall as a crime thriller, as opposed to what it originally was. 'Public sensitivity' has been called into question numerous times, leading to a script rewrite that saw ever suicide turned into murder, all of which take place under suspiciously similar circumstances.

"'By this point, I'm denying all affiliation with the film,' states Felicity-Zara Stewart. 'They can call it Free Fall, they can name the characters after mine, but I'll make one thing clear for the sake of my fans: this film is not Free Fall. Anyone going into the cinema hoping to see anything that resembles the book will be sorely disappointed.' It's comments such as these that have been ill-received by the team working on the adaptation, leading to behind-the-scenes tension and the swift aversion of a number of nasty lawsuits. Stewart's lack of affiliation to the picture has called into question her rights with regards to royalties and copyright infringement.

"Another unnamed source has said that 'Stewart is probably making a bigger deal out of this than there needs to be; her desire to be noticed is second only to her desire to shock and repulse her readers as much as possible, an audience of pseudo-masochists that just keep coming back for more. The more she rages, the more attention it draws to the finished product. The only bad press is no press.'

"Public opinion at this point most likely remains split - whether or not this film will be worth watching remains to be seen, but one thing is for sure; the critics will have a field day when it does eventually come out."

(So, just to sum up, I don't have a very good opinion of myself, no, but anyway; they's censor it to hell and cut out anything deemed 'mildly offensive', plus they'd try to make Courtney into this hunky, 'screwable' male lead, as well as probably any other males apart from The Director and The Dealer, who they'd make into a stereotypical teen filmmaker and a scuzzy drug-dealer type respectively. And, naturally, the story would have to be made into a crime thriller. Otherwise it just doesn't work. Fun topic, though, xD)

Oh, god, they would probably get rid of the gay subplot. Maybe if James or Richard died in the war they would be fine with keeping it in (FELLOWESSSSS), but they get a happy ending, so that would be cut.

At this rate they'd probably try to shoehorn a straight romance into there somewhere, or they'd exaggerate the importance of Randolph's storyline where he cheats on his fiancee.

They'd probably try to make Catherine into a "gorgeous femme fatale" despite the fact that she's quite plain and has a crooked nose, and they'd take the fact that Sarah is "the pretty one" to the extreme and cast someone who's two sizes too skinny for her.

They would also kill any subtlety the story may have as well.

1. Casting the role of Tumbleweed to a sexual object.
2. Simplifying the theme to "Guns are bad, mmkay?" Or, worse, taking out the theme altogether to simply preserve the action, the plot, and 25% of each individual character.
3. Hiring a stunt choreographer. To do ANYTHING.
4. Special effects, slow motion, and "Rule of Cool"-ing my fights.
5. Adding comic relief.
6. Shooting for any particular rating (PG-13 or R) and changing the content to suit the new target audience.


.....I think I just convinced myself that I want exclusive rights to pick the director, or else I never want a movie to be made ever.

I second what MurderDeathKill said. I'd have to have exclusive rights to choose the director before I allowed my novel to be adapted to film. Also, I would at least co-write the script myself.

My main character would be some buff hottie. Which is WRONG. They would be WRONG and I would be RIGHT and it would feel GREAT except the world would see their WRONGNESS. They would also probably ignore the race of every single one of my characters. I have an African, (pure African,) a Chinese girl, two Egyptian people, two hispanics, one American, and one English. I bet you a thousand thousand dollars that those facts would be utterly ignored.

They would brush over the intro of the antagonist, they would brush over the minor love rectangle making it seem like everything was always as it should have been.

They would make two of my main girls Damsels in Distress. Which is also WRONG.

I have a feeling the only thing they would do right is the dream sequences. ...Nevermind. They'd special effects the crap out of them.

They wouldn't do anything right. And I would cry.

My MC is a dog. If Hollywood makes a CGI dog I would die. And he is NOT a talking animal like they have in all these Disney movies. He just narrates the movie.

They'd probably try to make my plain-jane FMC a bombshell, for starters.

Oh, and they'd cram in some sex scenes. (My novel's a "sweet" romance - no bedroom stuff.)

How can they ruin my story with Werewolves in it? Simple. Hire the Wolves from the Twilight movies and have them act the exact same way. My story will be ruined by association.

I always try to think of my stories in movie terms since it helps me "see" the scenes better. But there's always something they could and would change:

First off, setting it in New York or London or Washington, when it's set in Birmingham.
Second, adding a whole load of scenes with no relevance to the plot but which show the aliens who invade actually invading (something I completely skip out because they're rhinos, they've been here for years).
Third, casting Tom Cruise as the MC, who's a writer and pretty inept when it comes to fighting.
There's probably a whole lot more too, which I'll come up with as I write the story...

Probably by turning the MC from a plain curvy girl into a perfect model (and still have her complain about being "plain") and runaway with the vigilante aspect by forcing super-powers onto the powerless superhero character. And would no doubt utterly miss the point by making the superhero character a 100% perfect good guy (removing his bipolar depression and mutiple personalities) and the "antagonist" into an actual villain- the whole point of the story being that the superhero is insane.

Oh, and they'd give it a happy ending where the MC and the superhero end up living happily ever after. And probably make the superhero and his sister white instead of black, because interracial couples are "controversial", make the sister's nerdy husband either a loser or a genius hacker (or possibly a bad guy), and make the whole story take place in the US, with the MC not Scottish. Probably stop her from being a nerd too, go for the "sexy journalist" angle, instead of just a girl who likes writing.

Still, this would probably get off mildly compared to a lot of my comics! Villain protagonists? NOPE. Anti-heroes! I shudder to think.

They'll downplay the complex psychological motives of my mad scientist and put in WAY too many explosions instead.

I do science fiction, fantasy and science fiction-fantasy. I suspect that they would botch the science fiction, given their track record on such things. They might be able to handle the fantasy and there might be a better than average chance of doing a mediocre job with the science fiction-fantasy.

I might watch the filming of the movie, but odds are I wouldn't watch the actual movie for a while, other than the premier.

Of course, betting paid a lot for the movie rights would make it worth it. And if it is a success, I can always demand more money for the next one.