Weird stuff you've overheard

So, starting this up again since the site relaunch.

I think mine would be when my sister was talking to my mom, just a bit ago, she said: "So I was taking a nap... on my floor."

"But then she drew a phone on the banana she gave me for lunch, and I just knew she was the one".

"Non-Euclidian carrots!!!"

"Just you wait, I'll get you. WITH A SPOON, SO THAT IT TAKES LONGER!"

My house produces a lot of odd phrases.

"Dead people always win staring contests; it's not fair! I should bring my uncle back from the dead…"

"What has that got to do with the price of fish?"

On rare occasions I ride some of the high usage, frequent stop routes that go from one end of town to another. I sit in the back of the bus and mind my own business.

Things get really interesting when you have people talking to friends about how they just got out of jail and are trying to make connections with other friends.

Eeeep! This was my favorite last year.

I actually wrote one down with this thread in mind. On a bus, a MAN and his ALSO-MALE FRIEND were having this conversation, and let me just stress that they were dead serious.

"I have the unfortunate habit of picking up girls in lesbian bars"
"That's actually not so bad. No competition"

One day last year, I was walking home from school and I overheard my neighbors talking about sea cucumbers. No lie.

With my group of friends, I'm always hearing strange things. Last night I had my friend Anna and her husband Donavan over and she and I walked in to Donavan talking on the phone.
"No, no. It's not toxic, it just depends on how much she drank." -pause and then eyes gets really wide- "You did what?! Take the cucumber away and don't drop her on her head again!"

Well, I didn't overhear this; I said it. But it's funny. :D

"Therefore, why am I still wearing pants?!"

My friend and I were out to dinner the other night because she had just gotten diagnosed with cancer and needed distraction. The ladies in the next booth were talking about how one of them was on a plane and the engine caught fire and how she was praying not to die and the whole bit.

I wonder if they overheard us talking about cancer.

Once I had the following exchange with a classmate:

her: This tastes like poison.
me: It's that bad?
her: No, it's awesome. It just tastes like poison.

O_o

"So her ear was basically a butthole?"

'So when did the Second World War start?'
'The 1970's?'
'No... anyone else?'
'1942?'
'Close, but not quite. Anyone else have an idea?
'1939?'
'Correct.'

This happened just a few minutes ago in our history class. It isn't too weird, but it is rather depressing that it took our class three goes to get the starting year of WWII correct.

"I swear that dog looked like my mother!"

"My mom says I can't date you because you might be my sister!"

"Stop touching my eraser penis!"

My kids ---
My daughter (3) "look I can scratch my ear with my toe!"
My son (9) -- "Big deal I can pick my nose with mine"

"I don't care about the mating rituals of fish."

"Sabrina's boy...acquaintance"