Roommate has lower standards of cleanliness than me. Help! http://www.nanowrimo.org/en/forums/off-topic/threads/49797 Ash-Ash I've lived with this girl for a while, and in recent months I've begun to discover that we don't have quite the same standards about what's clean and what isn't. The problem isn't that she leaves messes everywhere. There are just certain things she does that I feel most normal people wouldn't do, and she never sees a problem. These are things we had never previously discussed, simply because they never would have occurred to me before I saw her in the act. Examples: 1. She used to clean the toilet and the shower with the same brush. She stopped when I found out and asked her to(as far as I know, anyway), but told me I was being ridiculous. 2. She works in a research lab with cultures of Listeria, doesn't cover her shoes while in the lab, and then wears those same shoes all over the apartment. I'm not so much worried for myself on this one as I am for my cat since he walks on the same floor as she does and then licks his paws. I know the risk of infection is low except in immune-compromised animals, and the lab floor <em>probably</em> isn't covered with Listeria, but I'd still prefer not to risk it. I told her so, and again she came back with a "it's fine. You're being silly, etc." and still wears her shoes everywhere, including the kitchen and even my bedroom if I'm not quick enough to stop her walking in. 3. She didn't see a problem with taking a piece of my nice tupperware out of the kitchen and using it to catch drip water from her moldy potted plant. This was supposed to make sense because "it's just dirt"... right. Because we eat dirt. 4. And then she was cutting a serving of chicken for our other roommate to take to lunch tomorrow, which is really nice, except that she used the same plate she had just eaten off of and the same fork that had just been <em>inside her mouth</em>. I didn't say anything this time, but I was cringing on the inside, and now I don't trust food from her because I can't know for sure what she's done with it. We're about equal in terms of being tidy, but I'm feeling really paranoid now because I literally don't know where any shared item in our apartment has been, or what it's been used for, and I'm horrified to think that it took me this long to notice. It's not just me either- one of our other two roommates has also commented on it. The real issue is that if she doesn't see a problem with doing any of the above, how do I know she's not doing something much worse that I just haven't seen yet? And what can I do about it? Of course this would only come up after we've just renewed our lease, so moving out isn't an option. Crap. Thu, 02 Feb 2012 04:52:32 +0000 http://www.nanowrimo.org/en/forums/off-topic/threads/49797?page=1#forum_thread_comment_1108994 http://www.nanowrimo.org/en/forums/off-topic/threads/49797?page=1#forum_thread_comment_1108994 Red Queen If you are four people sharing the same place, and three of you feel the same about that issue, you should set a date for a roommate meeting and discuss it. If she's reasonable, she'll drop at least some of her behaviour. It worked when my mum started complaining about me being completely disorganised and messy, and frankly, that means something. If nothing helps, I would take radical measures: Lock away anything she is not supposed to use anymore. I don't know about you, but if I was to move into a shared flat, I would keep records of what exactly I bought (if only to avoid arguments when I move out again), so in that case, you could just tell her that she can't use the dishes anymore or something unless she swears that she will only use it in a hygienic way or something. Radical, but that would be my last way out. Thu, 02 Feb 2012 10:17:11 +0000 http://www.nanowrimo.org/en/forums/off-topic/threads/49797?page=1#forum_thread_comment_1109274 http://www.nanowrimo.org/en/forums/off-topic/threads/49797?page=1#forum_thread_comment_1109274 Bicicletta Well, if nothing else works, you can tell her that I read your above examples on my lunch hour, and now I really, really, wish I hadn't eaten anything before reading your post. Ewwwww! She sounds nuts! It is so ridiculously easy to spread germs by sharing -- intentionally or not -- utensils, dishes, door knobs, towels, etc. Maybe she has a really robust immune system and never gets sick, or maybe she was raised by trolls. Either way, she is putting you and the other roommates at risk. YOU get to decide how much risk you want to take with your health; she does not. If she won't behave as if she's ever heard of the germ theory, maybe it's time for her to live on her own. And my least favorite example -- the same brush for toilet and shower? That alone calls for a sit-down and all-roommate discussion. Thu, 02 Feb 2012 22:13:14 +0000 http://www.nanowrimo.org/en/forums/off-topic/threads/49797?page=1#forum_thread_comment_1110373 http://www.nanowrimo.org/en/forums/off-topic/threads/49797?page=1#forum_thread_comment_1110373 Cavaliere Errante I would say it's definitely time to have a house meeting. Everyone comes together, everyone gets to voice their concerns on how the living arrangements are going. Everyone gets to be heard, everyone gets a chance to say what is on their mind. I mean, you're all adults, right? Theoretically y'all should be able to have a discussion on your expectations of basic hygiene and cleanliness. And just to throw this out there, I work on a farm. I regularly come home literally covered in crap, some of the things I do as a part of my job are just downright gross to non-farming people and <em>I</em> still think cleaning the shower with the same brush you clean the toilet with is disgusting. Thu, 02 Feb 2012 22:31:49 +0000 http://www.nanowrimo.org/en/forums/off-topic/threads/49797?page=1#forum_thread_comment_1110423 http://www.nanowrimo.org/en/forums/off-topic/threads/49797?page=1#forum_thread_comment_1110423 Ash-Ash Actually, she gets sick way more than the rest of us do (are you surprised?) and stays sick longer than anyone else, so you'd think she'd be more careful about it. I just wash my hands more than normal and avoid her as much as I can if I hear her coughing, so I've only ever caught something from her once (which is a pretty good track record for 3 and 1/2 years). And her parents are perfectly normal people - I've even spent a night at their house and didn't see anything different than I see at my own parents' house. I have no idea where she got it from. Thu, 02 Feb 2012 22:40:22 +0000 http://www.nanowrimo.org/en/forums/off-topic/threads/49797?page=1#forum_thread_comment_1110446 http://www.nanowrimo.org/en/forums/off-topic/threads/49797?page=1#forum_thread_comment_1110446 Chocobo Prime I have the same problem with my roommate...well, not in terms of hygiene, but in general tidiness. Like, she likes to keep the floor a dump, throws a temper tantrum when I try to clean it (because I ask her to help clean up her mess), etc...basically, what I do is just keep cleaning it, and don't put up with any of her nonsense. Especially considering that she continuously trips over my boots and yells at me for leaving them out. Sort of like how your roommate keeps getting sick. You just be like "...look. We're roommates and all, but this needs to end. You're creating a hazard for me and my cat, and that's not cool. You don't use my tupperware--something I put FOOD THAT I WANT TO EAT in--to catch dirt water. Maybe you don't think it's a big deal. Doesn't matter. That tupperware is /mine/. Use your own tupperware, and then separate it from mine." I mean, you don't have to so confrontational, you can just put a padlock on your tupperware cabinet or just take the dish out from under her plants, then replace it with one of hers...I mean, the thing about roommates is that, yeah, you have to put up with each other, give and take and all that, but when it's a safety hazard, you should really say something. &gt;.&gt; Fri, 03 Feb 2012 14:55:54 +0000 http://www.nanowrimo.org/en/forums/off-topic/threads/49797?page=1#forum_thread_comment_1112156 http://www.nanowrimo.org/en/forums/off-topic/threads/49797?page=1#forum_thread_comment_1112156 beanza3 Seperation of powers. She can use her stuff for whatever she wants. She can't use anyone else's stuff for her own desires. Don't let her clean the shower. Or the toilet. (ick...O.o) Everyone must take their shoes off in the house. It's cleaner anyway. Then your not picking on her job or her, it's universal. I have no idea about that last one... O.o Just... No. :D Fri, 03 Feb 2012 19:39:25 +0000 http://www.nanowrimo.org/en/forums/off-topic/threads/49797?page=1#forum_thread_comment_1112578 http://www.nanowrimo.org/en/forums/off-topic/threads/49797?page=1#forum_thread_comment_1112578 Horselover150 Maybe you should sit down with the other roommates and create a list of cleanliness rules. You know, like you have to take your shoes off when you come inside. you have to wash dishes and silverware that you have just used, etc. Sat, 04 Feb 2012 11:55:03 +0000 http://www.nanowrimo.org/en/forums/off-topic/threads/49797?page=1#forum_thread_comment_1114666 http://www.nanowrimo.org/en/forums/off-topic/threads/49797?page=1#forum_thread_comment_1114666 aliaswriter Just wanted to thrown in that this should be taken care of asap, otherwise it is guaranteed to escalate into OCD. It begins with paranoia. Tue, 14 Feb 2012 21:05:44 +0000 http://www.nanowrimo.org/en/forums/off-topic/threads/49797?page=1#forum_thread_comment_1139487 http://www.nanowrimo.org/en/forums/off-topic/threads/49797?page=1#forum_thread_comment_1139487 Spuggey You need to sit her down and politely (if possible) tell her that she's RANK. Yeah, I agree with you on every point raised. That is just disgusting behaviour. She needs to be told. Wed, 22 Feb 2012 12:43:26 +0000 http://www.nanowrimo.org/en/forums/off-topic/threads/49797?page=1#forum_thread_comment_1161807 http://www.nanowrimo.org/en/forums/off-topic/threads/49797?page=1#forum_thread_comment_1161807 Buffy871 I lived with some really messy people. You can't change other people. The only thing you can do is find roomates more like what you need to live with. Thu, 23 Feb 2012 14:40:46 +0000 http://www.nanowrimo.org/en/forums/off-topic/threads/49797?page=1#forum_thread_comment_1164174 http://www.nanowrimo.org/en/forums/off-topic/threads/49797?page=1#forum_thread_comment_1164174 Spuggey True, I suppose. But she needs telling before someone gets e-coli. :P Thu, 23 Feb 2012 15:55:46 +0000 http://www.nanowrimo.org/en/forums/off-topic/threads/49797?page=1#forum_thread_comment_1164289 http://www.nanowrimo.org/en/forums/off-topic/threads/49797?page=1#forum_thread_comment_1164289 aliaswriter There is a difference between being messy, and unsanitary. Unsanitary conditions are potentially dangerous. Thu, 23 Feb 2012 18:37:14 +0000 http://www.nanowrimo.org/en/forums/off-topic/threads/49797?page=1#forum_thread_comment_1164507 http://www.nanowrimo.org/en/forums/off-topic/threads/49797?page=1#forum_thread_comment_1164507 Spuggey I was joking! But jokes aside: "1. She used to clean the toilet and the shower with the same brush. She stopped when I found out and asked her to(as far as I know, anyway), but told me I was being ridiculous. " "4. And then she was cutting a serving of chicken for our other roommate to take to lunch tomorrow, which is really nice, except that she used the same plate she had just eaten off of and the same fork that had just been inside her mouth. I didn't say anything this time, but I was cringing on the inside, and now I don't trust food from her because I can't know for sure what she's done with it." That is unsanitary. I am messy: I leave books on my bedroom floor, I don't hang up newly laundered clothes, I have my sketchbooks and pens on the couch. I would NEVER do the things listed above! That's not messy, it's DIRTY. Thu, 23 Feb 2012 22:35:56 +0000 http://www.nanowrimo.org/en/forums/off-topic/threads/49797?page=1#forum_thread_comment_1165088 http://www.nanowrimo.org/en/forums/off-topic/threads/49797?page=1#forum_thread_comment_1165088 aliaswriter I was responding to Buffy871. I was agreeing with you. Thu, 23 Feb 2012 23:25:46 +0000 http://www.nanowrimo.org/en/forums/off-topic/threads/49797?page=1#forum_thread_comment_1165244 http://www.nanowrimo.org/en/forums/off-topic/threads/49797?page=1#forum_thread_comment_1165244 Spuggey Ah, my apologies. I have flu and my brain is compromised! Fri, 24 Feb 2012 13:39:28 +0000 http://www.nanowrimo.org/en/forums/off-topic/threads/49797?page=1#forum_thread_comment_1166694 http://www.nanowrimo.org/en/forums/off-topic/threads/49797?page=1#forum_thread_comment_1166694 booksntea My brain is compromised too because I just read that as "I have the brain flu". I thought, "wow. I hope I don't get that." I, however, do not have any excuse for having a compromised brain because I do not have the flu nor the brain flu. Sat, 25 Feb 2012 23:56:44 +0000 http://www.nanowrimo.org/en/forums/off-topic/threads/49797?page=1#forum_thread_comment_1170242 http://www.nanowrimo.org/en/forums/off-topic/threads/49797?page=1#forum_thread_comment_1170242