Why did you think I would want that?! (Post the weirdest gift you've ever gotten.)

I got my weirdest gift on valentine's day. It was a faux leather journal with a huge ornate bow and arrow on the front (Cupid's, I'm guessing.) and a lock on the side. On the spine it litterally said DESIRE: A Private Journal. I don't want my journal saying it's a private journal! WTF is the point of that? Also I just had to open it up, and on every page there were quotes from famous authors and stuff about- how awesome sex is. I'm 14. This is from my mom, though in her defense she did think the quotes would be about love (not making love) but still. And the last quote was "If two people love each other, there can be no happy ending." Thanks Earnest Hemingway for telling me that. I have no idea to fill the journal... I can't use it for a regular diary because... it doesn't want to be just a diary. XD

Post your weirdest gifts!

A can of ravioli.

My father, for the last few years, has gotten my sisters and I random things for Christmas--those instant hand warmers, gloves (which are nice, but I don't need a new pair every year), cheap scented candles, and oddest of all, potpourri.

Before last Christmas, I jokingly sang "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas" every now and then. So my mom got me a Webkinz hippo, and I don't even do Webkinz. So yeah, maybe not the weirdest gift ever, but a weird one.

From a former boss, who should have stuck to department store gift cards: He went to some weird gift shop down the street from our office and bought me a "doll," about 18" high, that was a guy in a suit, wearing glasses, who said work-related things when you pulled a cord. That's right, my own miniature talking executive doll! I still have no idea why he did that.

I got the Bibleman DVD, a box of baking powder, and some piece of fabric that's either a shirt, a dress or scarf. I honestly don't know what it is exactly.

I got a book about the ocean. This would have been a perfectly acceptable gift for any other child of the age I was at the time, and it went well with the other gifts in the package... but I was terrified of the ocean at that age. I wouldn't even touch the book because it had a sea turtle on the cover, I was that scared of it. And my mom knew this (or I thought she did) when she gave it to me.

A plastic apple
A mini silver toy car
A bouquet of ugly fake roses

These were all given to me on the same day, Valentine's Day when I was 23.

In fairness though, they came in a big bag with other better gifts. And everything was supposed to symbolize something about me.
apple = I like apple juice
car = I wanted a Celica
roses = because real roses would be dead the very next day under my care

I still have all this junk, I don't think the Salvation Army would even want this donation.


And can I just say, this thread is freaking hilarious.

My family has a serious gift-giving deficency. Gifts tend to be inappropriate, rude, or just plain weird.

For my seventeenth birthday my oldest brother gave me an open box of condoms. And he made sure to poke holes in the two remaining condoms, rendering them entirely useless.

My cousin lived in Japan and she brought me all sorts of weird things. Chili pepper chocolate from Korea that was surprisingly much better than it sounded, decorative socks, a pizza place menu, a newspaper clipping featuring a kitten, and rocks she collected from a rice field. She also brought me a bag of candied crabs, even though she actually recalled that I am deathly allergic to shellfish.

My dad regularly gives out underwear as gifts, but not how you might think. He raids your underwear drawer and gifts you the underwear you already own. When I turned fifteen he gave me half a warm, flat beer. He even put a bow on it. And yes, he actually thinks these are perfectly acceptable gifts and his feelings are seriously and truthfully hurt if you don't like what he gave you.

My grandmother likes to buy me textbooks from Amazon. Which is very sweet, but she buys textbooks that were used in the 60's and 70's. And they are medical textbooks. I am not a pre-med student. And even if I was, I'm fairly positive that forty year old textbooks are just a tad bit outdated.

Oh, and for my twenty-first birthday I was given a case of beer from my uncle. Seems normal enough, right? Yeah, until I discovered he had already done me the favor of drinking them... And then refilled them with dirt and fish bait.

A decoy duck spray-painted gold with gold flowers and the like. We gave it away at a tacky gift exchange. XD

I got a statue of a cowboy cactus wielding a pistol and riding a horse. The cactus has a blue striped neckerchief. And a mustache. It is the ugliest thing I've seen in my life... and my friend bought it because it reminds her of me. Just... what.

Two years ago I got a book entitled 'Pets with Tourettes' from my parents. It was a novelty book of pictures of different animals, each with a speech bubble and a swear word. I have no idea why they thought I might want that.

My family has this habit of giving at least one gag gift every year. Somewhat frighteningly, this didn't happen this past year. But for Christmas 2010, my mother bought me a pair of Santa Claus boxer shorts with bells on them. It came with a small Santa hat as well.

Once in the late 90s, my boss at the time gave me a "Bowling for Bunnies" game for my office. That's right, little plastic bunnies and a little plastic bowling ball to lob at them. I guess she thought it would help me get through some really frustrating times.

Someone bought me a make up bag once, which would be great if I wasn't a lifelong tomboy who has never worn make-up. Worse, this person has known me since I was born so... Yeah, no thought whatsoever. The rest of my family and friends buy me stuff I like. My dad buys weird presents though, because he seems to only go in hardware stores... My presents have included a blow torch, an electric sander, a headlamp and a selection of multi-tools. That said, they've all been used a hell of a lot more than the make-up bag and are now part of my mad scientist kit (parents are now convinced I'll accidentally blow myself up one day.)

A box of tissues.

At least it was useful...right?

For my 19th birthday, I got a xylophone. A few years earlier, some of my friends had decided that I was secretly a xylophone-playing prodigy. I'm still not certain why, but there you are. Anyway, they decided that they were going to actually buy me a xylophone. Which, four years later, they did.

A four foot tall walking doll. I was nine. It's one of those dolls that you hold hands with and then you can "walk" with it. It also came with a complete outfit, shoes, and a very creepy face.

WHY, AUNT MARY???? WHY WOULD I WANT THAT?????

A Hammer

A toy horse and a doll. I was around 11 ( maybe 10?? ) but WHY? Ugh......not age appropiate in my opinion, I'm just not that kind of person to really play with dolls anymore.