I really want to read a story that doesn't exist

isethia — Fri, 17 Feb 2012 13:36:42 +0000

Yeah, I know it's a strange problem to have, but it's increasingly driving me crazy. And, considering that's it's a fanfiction story that I'm so desperate to read is just making the problem worse, because ever since I heard about SOPA and all those similar laws, I've been afraid that fanfiction will disappear forever anytime now. Despite the fact that I've been told that won't happen, I can't stop thinking it. So, I feel like I have to find that story and get it saved on my harddrive by the end of next month at the latest or I'll never get it. I don't know if anyone is even going to read this whole post, since it will probably get pretty long, but I can't think of anywhere else to ask for advice, and there's a fair amount of information that I need to give to explain just why having this story is so important. I've been going through various fandoms since 1994, and have been reading fanfiction since 1997. I wrote it for a couple of years before I started reading it, but I didn't know the name for it. I thought that I was the only person who felt the need for more stories about my favorite characters after I'd read or watched a canon source. I still feel like it's a little strange that I'm so found of stories that torture my favorite character, but I suspect based on stories I've read that other fanfiction writers are probably the same way. And I love the see the way that other characters that are connected to my favorite character react when something bad happens, and I love to see the way different writers take that on. (I guess maybe I'm something of a hurt/comfort addict, but I don't think of how all the stories I read as being in that genre.) In every fandom I've been in (with two exceptions) I have collected some stories that meet this criteria, and when I get the urge to read about the character, I pull up that story, or sometimes have a marathon, and go through several of them. In some fandoms, like the Star Trek verse, Star Wars, and Doctor Who, I'm lucky enough to have expanded universe books that meet my criteria. (Buffy and Angel as well, now that i think of it.) Of the two exceptions, one of those is because it was a book series where the author didn't allow fanfiction, and in that case I got lucky enough that one of the books had a scene that was just what I wanted. However, in other fandoms, I have nothing but fanfiction to rely on to satisfy my craving, and ever since Hetalia became my main fandom, I haven't even had that. Yes, I know you're probably think that's a pretty good size fandom, and plenty of stories get posted for it. Eight pages a day of updates on fanfiction.net to be exact, although given the percentage of those that are letter fics or characterXreader, there is a fair amount that doesn't interest me. And then, there's the kink meme, which gets enough gen stories posted to produce some pretty good stories. The problem is, those stories are not about my favorite character, and the ones that are have never quite been what I'm looking for (And with over 10 years of reading fanfic, I tend to know exactly what I want in a fanfiction story.) Oh, there are stories posted about my favorite character (which is a good thing, since the volume of the manga that he's in was never published where I live.) The problem is, nothing is that story that I keep looking for, and every time a story gets started that looks promising, it never gets finished. Every time a prompt gets posted on the kink meme that looks like it could turn out to be the story that I keep looking for (and I can think of three of those prompts just off the top of my head), it goes unfilled, or a fill starts and gets abandoned. And, I write my own stories in this fandom, but they can't solve the problem, because my own stories aren't something that I can read. Every time I try to read one of my own stories, instead of enjoying the story, I end up thinking "How did I miss that typo?" In other words I end up proofreading them instead of reading them. I was going to get into more here, including actually mentioning who my favorite character is, but if I don't stop writing this now and get off the computer, I'm going to be late for an appointment. But I really do need to figure out what to do about this situation.

Re: I really want to read a story that doesn't exist

ML_Stevens2329 — Fri, 17 Feb 2012 16:20:26 +0000

In all honestly, I used to absolutely hate fanfics. I was applaud and upset that people would steal characters and use them like their own puppets to satisfy their own pleasures. Half the time I'd glance at a fanfic and be like, "WTF! Why did you write that! That person would never do that with that person!" But then, I dabbled in fanfics with my all time favorite topic, The legend of Zelda, because in all honesty...Link doesn't have much emotion. He doesn't even TALK. So I wanted to find more info and character development. I ended up finding piles of garbage. BUT When I did find something good, as you said, it was never finished. My advice: 1. Find COMPLETED Fanfics. There should be a check-box option on fanfic.net I don't remember, I haven't been on it lately. 2. Try Deviantart dot com. Seriously; there are some good fanfiction there where people also draw comics and pictures of the scenes. If you find a fanfic you like, there is most likely an art group dedicated to it, and when that group doesn't get the rest of the fanfic, they usually have the founder or leader of the group request it from the writer. People are a hell of a lot more active on Deviantart than fanfic dot net. 3. Don't read your own novels until a year later. You'll find out how much you actually missed you own characters, typos or not. 4. Read other nanovels, I'll offer one of mine if you're interested, but trying to find love for original characters other than fanfics gives you more creativity, and if SOPA does happen, (it won't) then you still have NaNovels, your own work, and real published books to read.

Re: I really want to read a story that doesn't exist

isethia — Fri, 17 Feb 2012 22:30:41 +0000

As far as the suggestion about Deviantart goes, I've never had much luck finding things there. I find it to be a very difficult site to search, and although I know there must be stories (and pictures) there that I haven't seen, I have no idea how to get far enough back to find them. And I do read plenty of fandoms (and original novels). I just have a craving for this one story, because it's something that I have in all my other fandoms. The thing is, I always get attached to characters when I get into a new series, and then I always want more about those characters. For that reason, I tend to limit my novel reading to series where at least some characters recur from one book to another (which means I mostly read mystery series).

Re: I really want to read a story that doesn't exist

isethia — Mon, 20 Feb 2012 11:00:22 +0000

I forget to add that if I only read completed stories, I'd have less to read than I do now. In all of my other fandoms, I do only look at stories once they're complete, but when it comes to stories about my current favorite character, I look at every story that's not a letter fic or a characterXreader. (How do those things even work anyway? Everyone that reads the story is going to be different, so theres' no way to make their OC match every reader, so it's really just another self-insert dolled up with a fancy name. So, why don't they just be honest and admit that's what they're writing. And yes, I'm a little bitter about those because that type of story was all that got posted about my favorite character yesterday.) And I'm really getting tired of this constant search for something that doesn't exist, but every morning, I get up and check fanfiction.net and the Hetalia Kink Meme, desperately hoping that a story that fits what I want to read will have posted during the night (or that one of the promising looking in progress stories has been updating. Or sometimes just for a story that my favorite character is actually in.) Then, I check the LJ communities for my fandom (one for the main fandom, and one for the group that my favorite character is part of.) At least once a week, I check AO3 and DA, but I don't find enough at either of those sites to bother checking them more often. After that, I make a few checks to fanfiction.net throughout the day, but rarely even see anything about my favorite character. And then, after I've done my initial check, I then spend the day doing something that I hate doing, and might have no chance of ever again being able for work the field I really want to. So, sometimes, the only thing that gets me through the day is knowing that I can check again when I get home, because I'll have been gone for enough for at least a page of new stories to have been posted. But every new story always seems to be about the same two characters, and I'm really getting sick of that. Even worse are the times when I feel like I find stories for every character except my favorite. And, although so far, this fruitless search isn't keeping me from working on my own stories, I'm not really getting any satisfaction out of my own stories. Even if I reach a point where I can read my own story without wanting to correct all the typos, that doesn't change that fact that I want to see is someone else's take on a similar type of scenario (and one that actually focuses on my favorite character.) This is some of what I ran out of time to say on Friday, but I don't know why I'm adding it now, since I doubt anyone will reply. But I have to come up with a solution that has a chance of working and that isn't just giving up and admitting that Hetalia is the only fandom I'll ever have been in where I won't have the kind of story that I like to read about my favorite character. And it's not even that I haven't found plenty of stories in the fandom that I enjoy reading. It's just they either don't focus on my favorite character (even when he's in them, he seems to be the secondary focus at best), or he's not even in them--even the ones that claim to be ensemble stories half the time.

Re: I really want to read a story that doesn't exist

ML_Stevens2329 — Tue, 21 Feb 2012 17:32:02 +0000

Simply type in 'topic' fanfiction in the search bar and on the left side click literature. Or on the left side click groups then type in the topic and fanfiction in the search bar and the popular/famous fanfics and their fan groups will pop up.

Re: I really want to read a story that doesn't exist

ML_Stevens2329 — Tue, 21 Feb 2012 17:35:46 +0000

Other than that, sounds like a bad habit/addiction. Try writing something new or start over with what you want to read that doesn't exist. Or, idea, comission/request your 'desire' to a fanfiction writer you know or like.

Re: I really want to read a story that doesn't exist

ML_Stevens2329 — Tue, 21 Feb 2012 17:36:00 +0000

For deviantart I mean.

Re: I really want to read a story that doesn't exist

Crayonz — Tue, 21 Feb 2012 18:33:05 +0000

Hate to say it, but judging from your previous thread about SOPA and this one, you need to wean yourself off of fanfiction. If it's causing you this much anxiety, it's time to find a new coping mechanism. ML_Stevens hit the nail on the head; you sound like a junkie craving a fix. Granted, I'm no psychologist, but that's just my two cents. Good luck.

Re: I really want to read a story that doesn't exist

ML_Stevens2329 — Tue, 21 Feb 2012 19:39:34 +0000

Exactly, you never know what else is out there that you may end up liking. If something is dominating your life, it's best to switch up the topics/genres and to take a step back from your current fav.

Re: I really want to read a story that doesn't exist

isethia — Tue, 21 Feb 2012 20:59:54 +0000

Well, part of the problem with that is that currently fanfiction is the only way I can afford to get anything new to read. I haven't had any money coming in since the beginning of November, and have had to make transfers from my savings account just to be able to afford the gas to drive to one of my classes (which I hate, btw). I do use the library, but I prefer to go there to see the people I used to work with before I had to stop working to go back to school, and to volunteer at teen programs a couple evenings a month. And, truthfully, I can't find much that I want to read at the library, since outside of fandom I pretty much only read children's books and mysteries. (A few regular novels, but I tend to be pretty picky about those--I can only think of two authors I'll read just regular fiction books by.) And, since I don't feel comfortable reading children's books at school, that leaves mysteries, and it's hard to find any good ones this time of year while the winter residents are here. There actually are a few mystery series that I'd like to try reading, but I can't find enough of the books at the library, because a lot of the older ones have been withdrawn from the system to make room for new stuff, and I like to read the series in order since there are sometimes ongoing plotlines. And, I actually have a similar problem with the children's books. I don't like the modern ones, but most of the old ones have been withdrawn to make room for the new ones. But every time I go the library, I miss working there too much, because I didn't really want to leave to go back to school. And, at one point last week I thought I'd found a way to be able to go back, but it's something that will never work. And, I'm just tired of studying something that I hate, with any path that would allow me to do the one thing that has always been my dream closed. So, I'd just like one area where I don't have to settle for something other than the one thing I really want, because I'm starting to feel like I'm going to spend the rest of my life doing that.

Re: I really want to read a story that doesn't exist

Itzika — Wed, 22 Feb 2012 03:38:07 +0000

Oi. What is this studying something you hate, and not being able to do the one thing that has always been your dream? You're only thirty. You don't have to settle for anything yet. (Or ever, really.) ~~Optimist? Me? The horror!~~

Re: I really want to read a story that doesn't exist

isethia — Wed, 22 Feb 2012 10:18:40 +0000

The only want I can do the thing I really want, which is to be a librarian, is to get a Master's degree. And I didn't have good enough grades my last two years of college to get into grad school. As for what I'm studying, I'm taking classes for a certificate in medical coding, and I've discovered I actually hate my coding class. I have to spend the whole morning in that class two days a week, and by the time I get out, I feel like my brain has turned to mush. That's how boring the class is. (And it doesn't help to know that starting on March 13, that class is going to be an hour longer than it already is.)

Re: I really want to read a story that doesn't exist

Itzika — Wed, 22 Feb 2012 13:34:43 +0000

You graduated, didn't you? There have to be some grad schools who aren't as picky about the grades. And if there aren't, couldn't you go through undergrad again? Get a second bachelor's with a better GPA?

Re: I really want to read a story that doesn't exist

isethia — Wed, 22 Feb 2012 14:01:49 +0000

It may actually come to having to do that. I'm trying to see if I can get in with conditional acceptance, and the fact that I did spend 7 and 1/2 years working in libraries may help with that. The problem is, I have to go somewhere near where I'm living, because I don't want to have to live on campus. And I need to be able to go to school full time so I can finish on a decent schedule, so I don't have any way to get money to pay for an apartment. I need to go somewhere where I can live in my family's house and commute.

Re: I really want to read a story that doesn't exist

golfgal08 — Wed, 22 Feb 2012 15:29:47 +0000

If it's been that long since you graduated undergrad, and you have several years of experience under your belt, and you have decent grades in the classes you've been taking recently, grad schools aren't going to look anywhere near as closely at your undergrad GPA. They might accept you on a conditional basis, and you might need to take a GRE and get a decent score on that, but you won't know until you try. You can also explain in your cover letter/letter of intent why you got bad grades in your last two years--for example, when I was applying to grad school, I explained that yeah, my GPA sucked, but the course of study I wanted to pursue for my master's was in the classes that I got As and Bs in, and really, I didn't want anything to do with those classes I got Cs and Ds in ever again. My other question--do you actually need your master's to be a librarian?

Re: I really want to read a story that doesn't exist

Itzika — Wed, 22 Feb 2012 16:09:12 +0000

I can answer your last question. Yes, you do. Shelving jobs and things like that are open to anyone with a high school diploma, but to get a full-time job or even a part-time job as a librarian, you need an MLS or MLIS (Master's of Library Sciences or Master's of Library and Information Sciences). The only difference is when you got it--MLIS is newer.

Re: I really want to read a story that doesn't exist

isethia — Fri, 24 Feb 2012 10:41:11 +0000

I'm trying for the conditional admittance, but I'm not sure if anything will come of it. I really do want to get into the program, since some of the electives that go with it look really interesting, and it's the best way to get into the field I want to work in.

Re: I really want to read a story that doesn't exist

isethia — Fri, 24 Feb 2012 10:43:30 +0000

Actually, I think it depends on the system. To actually be called a librarian, you need the degree, but in the system I used to work for, you could move all the way to Library Assistant with just a Bachelor's degree. And the Library Assistant's work at the reference desk the same way the librarians do.

Re: I really want to read a story that doesn't exist

golfgal08 — Fri, 24 Feb 2012 13:47:43 +0000

Again, my experience with grad school has been for working professionals, where they really just want your company's money, so they'll admit you conditionally, the professors are pretty much guaranteed to give you at least a B, and then you'll get accepted fully. But the professors are actually just people who work for companies in the area who teach part time, and will sometimes flat out tell the class that the lowest grade they give out is a B, because that's what most companies require. So... yeah....

Re: I really want to read a story that doesn't exist

isethia — Fri, 24 Feb 2012 13:50:08 +0000

You know, that sounds like a good of professor to have in some ways. Less need to worry about grades, at least.

Re: I really want to read a story that doesn't exist

isethia — Mon, 05 Mar 2012 03:19:03 +0000

I don't know why I'm posting anything here, when this thread is so old that probably no one will even read it. But, since it's an hour past the time I should have been in bed, and I can't sleep, I feel the need to revive this thread. I've been trying to find other things to read than the one thing I really want, but nothing can hold my interest unless it involves something I'm interested in. And, since I'm running out of books that look interesting and take place in the area I want to read about (since I can't read about the character half the time, I've settled for reading about the actual country). I'm still stuck in a program that I hate, and spring break is over tomorrow so I have to go back to my classes that sometimes feel like torture. And one of them is so boring, I'm afraid it's destroying my ability to have any kind of creative thought. And, the person that's in charge of the only source of money I have may decide to force me to stay in the awful program, and I don't have a chance of getting into grad school anyway. In fact, I've been told by my family not to even bother, because there are no opportunities in libraries. So, I'll have to spend the rest of my life settling for a kind of work that I hate. (And if the way school is affecting is anything to go by, I'll never have any reason to even want to get up in the morning.) As it is, the only reason I get up in the morning is the hope that someone will have posted that story I keep looking for during the night. But, tonight, fanfiction.net is broken, and that's the only place anyone posts about my favorite character. So, i can't sleep right now, because I don't have a single reason to want to tomorrow to come. (Other than possibly getting some writing time before class, but what's the point if I can't update my story if the document manager at fanfiction.net stays broken.) And the thing is, I know the story is a silly thing to put this much importance in, but it is literally, the only thing I want that I have any hope of ever getting. And even that hope is getting increasingly thin. But if I didn't have that one hope, when everything else is so far out of reach it might as well be in another galaxy, then I don't know if I could keep going anymore. I'm just so tired, but I can't sleep, because I can't relax enough to make up a story like I always do when I'm having trouble sleeping. All, I can think about is all the things that are going wrong lately.

Re: I really want to read a story that doesn't exist

The_Halla — Tue, 06 Mar 2012 20:15:28 +0000

First, I'm sending you the closest electronically-transmissible equivalent I know of to a hug. Second, kindly tell anyone who says you can't do it to shut the bleep up. If you're really meant to do something, therewill be a way to make it happen. It might not be obvious, you'll almost certainly have to look really hard and work your butt off for it, but it will be there. Nobody ever accomplished anything worthwhile by listening to the doubters or by convincing themselves it was out of reach. As Helen Keller (who should know) said, "While they were saying among themselves it could not be done, it was done." Believe me, libraries aren't going anywhere anytime soon--people will always need books, magazines, research help, internet access... They've been knocked back a bit, but give it a couple of years and, once you have your degree in hand, something will come up. So hang on, take a deep breath, and make it happen. We're all pulling for you.

Re: I really want to read a story that doesn't exist

Leonara Declamara — Mon, 12 Mar 2012 22:40:27 +0000

Ultimately, you have to take responsibility for your own wants and needs. You place too much emphasis on what other people should be doing for you. If you don't have enough money to support your hobbies, it's either time to get a new hobby, or a new job. A part time job is easily supportable even if you're a full-time student (people have been attending school and working for decades) or a full time job while cutting back to part time school may be more financially feasible. You can read free books online in many places; kindle has an online app, and a huge library of free reads (of varying quality, I'll grant you.) You are not bound to what your family forces on you. If you don't like the program you're in, get student loans, start saving, and pay for your own school. Scholarships are available for many programs. You seem to make a lot of excuses about what you can't find, what you can't do, what you have to do that you don't want to do because other people force you into it. When are you going to start taking responsibility for yourself? You're an adult now. It's time to stop leaning so heavily on other people. If you don't like the program you're in, but someone else is paying, suck it up, finish school, get a job doing whatever it is, then save up for the education you really want. Any education is better than nothing. But you will have to wake up and realize one day that if you let other people make your decisions for you, you will never learn to make them on your own. Get off the fanfiction that you're obsessed over and have been whining about not finding enough of, get a decent job that pays your own bills, or find a way to pay for your OWN education. We're not going to be able to help you here, if you won't even consider helping yourself. You're 30. You literally have your whole life ahead of you. You're hardly hopeless. You can let your family bully you around because it's easier, or you can step out into the real world and start living. Or, you can huddle in your corner whining about fanfiction. Your call.

Re: I really want to read a story that doesn't exist

isethia — Tue, 13 Mar 2012 00:57:35 +0000

I had a part time job that I had to give up to go back to school, because I couldn't get a school schedule that would fit with my work schedule, and my work schedule had to be based around when the library was open and had to be twenty hours a week. (It's not like the fast food and retail jobs where you work however many hours the boss decides to schedule your for that week. And I have worked in fast food, and don't ever want to go back to that.) And school is basically being paid with by money that my dad left me to use for school. Of course, when he explained that, it was this big chance to figure out what exactly I wanted to do and get whatever extra education I needed for it. As soon as my mom and stepfather decided they wanted to move to be near my stepfather's kids, I suddenly lost any choice in the matter and had to start immediately so I could be done and ready to find a job when they move. I'm switching programs in the fall, but that doesn't help this semester when one of my classes alternates between being incredibly boring and being incredibly disgusting (there's a lot of medical stuff in the class and I now know more than I ever wanted to know about certain body parts.) And, really the main reason the story is so important to me is because of the distraction it would offer from just how much I hate every aspect of my life right now and how much I miss my dad. When I get this upset about things I've learned that there are only two things I can do to get through it until its over. The first is to read children's or young adult books and watch family movies (or other heartwarming movies). However, I can't seem to get into any of the books that usually work and every time I start getting into a show or movie the DVD suddenly gets defective and I have to skip large parts of it. (Or it might be that my DVD player is wearing out, but I can't get a new one right now.) The other is to read hurt/comfort fanfiction, and somehow that seems to be provide a catharsis. The problem is, it only works when I have a strong emotional connection to the character I'm reading about, and right now there's only one character I have a strong enough connection to. And considering that I'm extra upset today because I keep thinking that tomorrow would have been my dad's birthday, and I'm about one or two more bad events from a total breakdown, I really didn't need to be lectured at by you. if I wanted to be lectured at, I would talk to my mom.

Re: I really want to read a story that doesn't exist

isethia — Tue, 13 Mar 2012 20:55:25 +0000

And actually, now that I think about this while I'm in a slightly better mood it ties in with something I've wished since before I knew fanfic existed. I used to wish there was a way the stories ideas I got in my head could just magically appear in a form where I could read them, because handwriting them or typing them up just seems to take too much time sometimes. And when I write them down, they're never quite as good as what I pictured in my head. (I guess that's the main reason I want to see someone else write a story with one of those ideas.)