Things not to do in a horror movie.

almostalice — Mon, 24 Oct 2011 08:40:31 +0100

I did post this in another thread, but only one person's replied, and it's not generally the kind of thing I'm after. So here I am, looking to you lovely funny people to help me with my novel! It requires a good, lengthy list of things not to do in horror movies. The aim is to make them so ridiculous that by the end of the list people can't do anything. Here's what I have so far... Split up from your group Don’t bother with back up when going into a scary situation Think you’re safe staying in one place and hunkering down until the monster/killer goes away Trust the Government Try to play the hero Believe that if you can’t see the bad guy, he can’t see you Get distracted by a naughty moment with the one you love Go see what the strange noise is Go back for something you left behind Go looking for the dog/cat Don’t bring enough ammunition Don’t check the flashlight batteries Don’t have a flashlight Share your hiding place with strangers/people who scream at the slightest noise Go into the basement Go into a dark basement alone Go into the woods all alone Break into a school after hours Hang out in a cemetery Make out in a car on a deserted road Shove other people in the direction of the danger as a distraction so you can run Try and create a distraction so your friends can run Don’t listen to the person warning you about danger/gave you important information that might actually save your life Go out and party when you know there’s a possible serial killer staking victims with your characteristics Indulge in illegal substances/copious amounts of alcohol Choose the wrong shortcut Crash the car during the escape Stay in a creepy motel Think the puppets/mannequins are cute Watch the DVD/movie that everyone else watched, just before they died Wait for the creepy girl/woman with long hair obscuring her face to catch up to you Go to the bathroom Take a bath/shower Be too funny/too cool/be the funny guy Be the first to get injured Be whiny Run/cry/and repeatedly complain “I can’t!” when told to run/do something that might actually save your life Be the horror aficionado/relate everything to something you saw in a horror movie Say “I’ll be right back” Go to the kitchen for a drink/snack See what’s under the sheet See what’s in the closet See what’s under the bed Pull back the shower curtain Leave a door/window unlocked Answer the phone Answer the phone after getting that first weird phone call Go check the children Please and thankyou!

Re: Things not to do in a horror movie.

syncretic — Mon, 24 Oct 2011 09:35:51 +0100

1. If the haunted house tells you to leave. *Leave.* 2. Do not bury your recently dearly departed dog/cat/goldfish/donkey/elephant in a... Look, just have them cremated, okay? 3. Don't have sex 4. Don't trip 5. Remember the Double Tap! 6. Don't go to the mall (there's a lot of glass windows there and zombies have been known to be able to break them!) 7. Don't drink the kool-aide 8. Don't assume the zombies can't run 9. Don't fall for the the girl/guy with pointy teeth 10. Never feed the gremlin after midnight!

Re: Things not to do in a horror movie.

Elyndra — Mon, 24 Oct 2011 23:17:51 +0100

1. Never ask "Is someone there?" 2. Don’t be the black guy (I don’t know why, but they usually die first) 3. If something sticky and red drips on you, don’t taste, don’t look up, just run. 4. If your child tells you she’s seeing little kids that aren’t there, quickly move away. 5. If your husband/wife/kid/pets… start acting strange for no good reason, also quickly move away. 6. If it’s a cheap house always ask why and don’t buy it if someone was killed there. Just don’t. 7. Don’t try to cheat death, he/she/it is vindictive. 8. Don’t go spelunking. Especially without telling someone where you are going, even more so if it’s an unknown cave system. You never know what’s down there. 9. Don’t trust your friends, they might not be who you think they are. 10. Don’t go to an island for the weekend, knowing you can’t get off until Monday. 11. If you think people are being taken over by aliens, they probably are, so don’t stick around. 12. Don’t assume the cute and cuddly creature isn’t dangerous. 13. Don’t open a book/chest/door/fill in the blank, if there is a note saying you shouldn’t. 14. Never take an elevator. 15. Never assume you are safe.

Re: Things not to do in a horror movie.

Stormin Mormon — Tue, 25 Oct 2011 00:34:42 +0100

1. Don't over-prepare and stock up on guns. 2. Don't do headcounts. 3. Don't follow the rest of the group like lemmings. 4. Don't hide in a corner. 5. Don't be a college student on a break or vacation. 6. Be accepting of twists and surprises. 7. Be unpopular. 8. Partake in some medieval fighting style but never tell anyone until after the monster/killer attacks. 9. Inject yourself with the serum. If you survive it, you'll survive everything else. If not, well, you'll be dead soon anyway.

Re: Things not to do in a horror movie.

almostalice — Tue, 25 Oct 2011 06:58:31 +0100

[i]Just saying, you guys are epic[/i]

Re: Things not to do in a horror movie.

Wed, 26 Oct 2011 00:57:02 +0100

Do not go out in the middle of the night. If you hear someone knocking on the door in the middle of the night, don't answer it. Don't walk home through the back alley from a date or your friend's house. Especially if it's Halloween. I really don't watch horror movies... but these lists are fun to read...

Re: Things not to do in a horror movie.

TheSlenderman — Wed, 26 Oct 2011 03:53:55 +0100

-Don't investigate strange noises -Don't take your clothes off. At all. If you take your shirt off for even a second, you're going to die. No doubt about it. -Don't wind up in the woods. Ever. -Don't turn your back on the killer, even if you think they're dead. *COUGH COUCH* Jamie Lee Curtis in Halloween *COUGH COUGH* -Even if you think they're dead the first time, bash them over the head a few times more. They usually get back up. -When someone tells you "I'm your number one fan", get the hell out of there. -Don't drink anything a stranger gives you. -Don't babysit on Halloween -Trust no one.

Re: Things not to do in a horror movie.

Trina — Wed, 26 Oct 2011 15:06:10 +0100

Don't trust your pretty best friend! Don't take one potty buddy to the bathroom with you...take them all! Don't assume that just because someone is half naked (or totally naked) they don't have a weapon of some sort (a bobby pin dipped in acid, razor sharp nipples, a nose ring they can shoot out of their nostril...anything!) Don't run, and as someone said, don't trip, and don't stop to take off your heels before fleeing. Don't look in the backseat of your car before getting in. Don't cry. Don't scream. Don't poop your pants.

Re: Things not to do in a horror movie.

natethegreat3508 — Wed, 26 Oct 2011 17:54:55 +0100

Do not wear red Do not be overweight and funny If your son asks what redrum is Run If you have a chance to kill the killer do so, do not let the police get him and send him to jail just so he can come back wanting to revenge on you for ruining his life If it's Friday the 13th lock all the doors and hide under the bed Don't Sleep, ever

Re: Things not to do in a horror movie.

Stormin Mormon — Wed, 26 Oct 2011 23:50:22 +0100

1. If you're black, act like L. L. Cooljay (He survived one of the Halloween movies). 2. Don't go to the bathroom. Let it out in plain sight. 3 .Don't relieve yourself in plain sight. This counts as getting naked. 4. If a baby's crying leave it be. 5. Stay as a group. 6. If someone's crying, leave them be. Either they're the killer or they shouldn't have left the group anyway. 7. If someone insists on splitting up, shoot them. Execution style. 8. After shooting someone in the group, assume the killer is still there. 9. Wear pants that can hide pee stains. 10. Keep a bomb vest on at all times. If you're know you're going to bite it, you have time to say an awesome one-liner and take whatever it is with you. 11. If your friends blows up with the killer, assume the killer survived until you find DNA evidence and a corpse. 12. Bury the remainders of any killer or monster in a grave on holy ground, with holy water filling the casket. That way when they come back, they'll die automatically. 13. Assume they will come back to kill you.

Re: Things not to do in a horror movie.

Alatariel — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 15:57:07 +0100

-Don't wear reflective clothing -Don't answer the phone if you just watched a weird video -Actually, don't watch the weird video altogether -Stay away from the TV; monsters can and will come out of it -Don't go to the pub *cough-ShaunoftheDead-cough* -Don't pet the cute puppy -Or the cute kitten -Don't speak to the creepy little girl (is it me, or is there tons of creepy little girls in horror movies?) -Don't wear stilletto heels -Don't try and save someone else from the killer(s)/monster(s)/whatever; just run -Don't taunt the monster/ghost/demon/killer/whatever; they will get their own back in the end. -If you suspect someone is possessed, they probably are, so don't carry on like everything's normal.

Re: Things not to do in a horror movie.

GrabYourShovelAndDig — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 11:43:48 +0000

Do not go up the stairs. Do not drop the keys. Do not turn around. Do not ask about Mrs. Cake.

Re: Things not to do in a horror movie.

scottish-shotgun-sweetie — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 19:15:38 +0000

Do not own a basement. Or an attic. Or a cupboard. Or a walkin closet. For God's Sake, do not ever go looking for the thing going bump in the night. Do not sleep. Do not stay awake either. Do not own a house with windows. Or mirrors. Or stairs. Doors are generally bad too. If you are suspicious about your house, do not buy a Ouiji board. Borrowing Ouiji boards is completely normal. Do not fall in love. Shit always happenes when you are in love. If your life is normal, something is going to happen to you. Something gruesome. If your life is unusual, something is going to happen to you. Something gruesome. Avoid shadowy figures. They dislike people. They usually dislike it if you throw things at them too. One word. Psychics. One comes towards you, you run because they ARE professising your death.

Re: Things not to do in a horror movie.

LooneyDragon16 — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 21:04:06 +0000

Don't ask who's there. It lets the killer know where you are and it's not like they're gonna go "Oh hey! I'm in the kitchen, do you want a sandwich?" Don't scream every time something unusual happens, for the same reason as above. If someone starts acting differently than normal, LEAVE THEM AND RUN. If someone starts claiming to be possessed, kick them out of the house. Problem = solved.

Re: Things not to do in a horror movie.

justBetsy — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 17:56:07 +0000

Don't let a Ouija board in the house Don't say Bloody Mary three times (or Candyman or Beetlejuice or any other bad guy name) Don't say "I don't believe in ghosts" Don't be the slut that sneaks off with her boyfriend (or any male substitute) Don't hold a party while your folks are gone Don't let the others know you got bitten When Chet starts getting twitchy and wants some fresh air, check the moon--if it's full, let him out and lock the door. Don't open the window for someone hovering at the second floor level Don't invite a stranger into your house; don't let them use your cell phone Don't say "just wait till I tell the police what I saw you do", better to try "you're too late, the police know and are on their way" Don't be the mean girl Don't be the snobby girl

Re: Things not to do in a horror movie.

almostalice — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 22:36:15 +0000

Oh Oh Oh! I have a positively massive list now! You guys are awesome!

Re: Things not to do in a horror movie.

Kookaburra17 — Sun, 11 Mar 2012 06:33:28 +0000

Don't be the jerk who plots against the others. You will be killed later on for 'justice'. Usually while carrying out your plan. Don't heroically volunteer to go ahead or stay behind. You will either be killed first or totally miss all your companions being killed/abducted until you turn around to ask which way they think you should go.

Re: Things not to do in a horror movie.

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Re: Things not to do in a horror movie.

Hawkston — Fri, 25 May 2012 08:34:05 +0100

don't eat stuff in the dark. don't cheat on your girlfriend/boyfriend with your best friend's girlfriend/boyfriend don't have sex on your weekend vacation in the woods unless you are married. If you are married and on a weekend vacation in the woos, don't have sex on the unmade and dirty bed, on the floating dock in the middle of the lake or on the funny looking metal rack in the basement. don't stop for the night at the motel that is in the middle of no where with no phone and no power don't let the dweeb who used to 'do' magic in high school cast a spell to banish the monster don't aggravate the new kid at your boarding school who came in the middle of the semester because their parents died suddenly and tragically. don't stop the car after you saw someone standing in the middle of the road, but you know you didn't hear the car hit anything. don't go to the house where you have to spend the night so you can inherit your long lost relative's estate which mostly consists of the creepy house you have to stay in. don't go to Mama Juju's House of VooDoo as a stop on your bachelorette party outing.