What's your Zombie Plan?

Imagine that the world has been infected with some sort of mutagen/disease that turns humans into a bunch of mindless zombies (not that we aren't already). You and an couple of people have the solution.
YOUR ZOMBIE PLAN.
Everyone has one. So what's yours? If you don't have one, think one up. Where will you go? What will you do? Who will you take? Is there cake at the end? All of these questions should be answered, lest you be eaten by the hordes.

In my zombie plan, I'm going to Alaska, because zombies have no body heat. They'll freeze like corpsicles. It's brilliant.

No wait, I mean I have two weeks' worth of food stored in my attic, and then I climb up and pull up the ladder with me.

No, wait, I got it this time, I'm going to use Grif's body as bait...

Wait, entirely wrong show. Never mind, then. :D

Thankfully the government all ready has a plan. Google "center for disease control zombie apocalypse" and you will find a tongue in cheek article that says "How do I prepare for a zombie apocalypse? Well, we’re here to answer that question for you, and hopefully share a few tips about preparing for real emergencies too!"

Take a big backpack, go to a supermarket, steal supplies, then get into a car, drive to the capital, exchange cars for bigger cars on the way, steal gas from stations, eventually escape to, hum, France, then check if the zombie thing has spread to the UK - that strip of water they have as a border could keep Germans away with Polish help, so with the amount of Poles living in there now, zombies can't get through either, especially since they can't swim that far. Just barricade the tunnels while I steal a yacht to sail over. Zombies don't sail, so don't shoot.

Flamethrower. Human bodies can't take much incineration. I plan to stay home, and maybe set up flame-throwers with motion sensor triggers. No dead people are driving me off MY land!

everyone posted so far is fated to become a zombie. amusement park is a death trap, travel by highway would be impossible due to abandoned cars (not to mention these areas are crawling with zombies), travel by back roads is likely to get you killed by local survivors for your supplies. step your games up, people!

anyway i fare just slightly better. i live in a wooded area, very few people in the immediate vicinity and no urban areas for miles. the closest zombie threat to me is the I-95 corridor a few miles away, otherwise they'd be something of a rarity in my area.

the problem for me becomes not zombies, but survival in such an isolated environment. there's no shortage of deer in the woods and no shortage of people living out here with guns, but with very little nearby we'd be hurting on such things as fuel, ammo, and medical supplies.

so the most imminent dangers to me are survival and competition with other survivors for what resources are available in the area. and the odds would be against me but i'm unlikely to be zombie fodder if nothing else.

Die. Specifically die in the most baddass manner my means provide, ideally fireball, and ideally taking out a few busloads of zombies with me. Last words will be either "For Science!" or a chugging sound as I finish off the "in case of emergency" bottle of McCallen.

If there's a Zompocalypse, my access to coffee and webcomics will be destroyed. True, I have my caffeine reserves and my saved webcomic archives, but those won't last more than a week. If this happens, life is no longer worth living.

Depends on what kind of zombies we're dealing with.

If we're talking standard issue Romero zombies, I'll go about my business like any other day. Infections spread by bite don't tend to spread, otherwise the Rabies Apocalypse would have taken us out decades ago. Local authorities will deal with the few isolated cases, and everything will return to normal.

If the infection is more easily transmitted, leading to outbreak conditions, I'll probably need to keep myself alive for a few weeks before the various governments and the World Health Organisation get things under control. The rules here are simple: keep yourself covered and avoid crowds. Since zombies are basically people with none of the advantages that have made people the dominant species of the planet, keeping them at bay won't be hard. Any obstacle which requires simple problem solving will stop them cold. The average zombie, lacking both the ability to heal injuries and the mental capacity to avoid them, will fall apart on its own within a couple of days.

LOVE the RvB references!!

I'll be one of those "local survivors" on the backroads - along with most of the other 20 people on these 40 acres surrounded by national forest. We have specific trees pre-identified for felling to block the road. There's a medical stash roughly equivalent to a modern surgical theater on-hand. Local water supply. Radios. Solar power & gennies. People who can shoot, move, and communicate. Farmland and farming tools. Some of us already carry a firearm 24/7 and in a time of crisis, that number will grow.

Oh, and friends.

Crazy? Maybe - but the incidents of theft have stopped once ppl started roaming about who carry zombie-stopping 1911's regularly and started making sure they asked unusual traffic in the area "Hi - can I help you? Are you lost or in trouble? Yes, I live right here. Why yes - I'm a Marine and know how to use this here rifle and pistol both."

Zombie plan? We call it daily life.

Join the horde and start feasting on sweet sweet brains. To hell with all you survivalists, I'll plod around until someone takes me out with a shotgun or a shovel. :D

I don't need to be faster than the zombies, I only have to be faster than you.

My long term plan is zombie extract. I have observed that zombies only eat the living. So if I smell like a zombie, they won't eat me. Sure, I smell like a zombie, but it is a small price to pay. First, get a zombie, and squeeze it, collecting the juices. Mix it with some alcohol, put it in an atomizer, and you're good to go.

At the national level, I think DARPA should work on a tofu-based brain substitute, and it should be stockpiled around the country.

Well, the alternative is to find three other eccentric people who are good with guns and issuing orders for each other. Then make our way to New Orleans where one of us dies trying to raise a bridge. But then those kinds of plans never seem to go that well.

I guess I'm back to joining the zombies.

In South korea, there are supermarkets with roof top gardens. I plan to barricade myself into one, load up all the canned goods and medicine I can get my hands on in the Lotte Mart, and then lock the gates, barricade the escalator to the 8th floor, and with a few select survivors, live life awkwardly till I get arrested and thrown into an insane asylum, cause most rational people know that zombie's per se are impossible... but I still check out every building for potential safety rating. I love Zombie fiction... May it always stay fiction!!

Getting to an island would a good option. You have to figure out that zombies would eventually break down, as their bodies decayed. All you would have to do is wait. so if you're on Pitcairn Island, you're probably in pretty good shape, it is very isolated. If an infected person tried to go there, they would already be a zombie by the time they got halfway there. And zombies are terrible navigators. An island like Hawaii would probably be overrun with people fleeing there.

Not yet decided my buddy....

Step one! Go to my backyard and take my step-fathers battle-ax.
Step two! Take as much canned food and bottled water from my pantry as I can fit into one bag.
Step three! Start walking. Where? To my family farm.

Now, mind you, this is only in the event of a class four outbreak. Any other level, I just take tha ax and kill the zombies in my area.

Heh, I got mine. I have a rifle and a pistol, a lot of ammo, a month's worth of MREs, and enough jugs of water so I can ration it in my attic. I chop up the stairs leading to the second floor, then bring the supplies up to the attic. Wait two weeks. By then roughly 75% of the US will be Zombiefied, as per every zombie media ever. I move only at night, using the military grade NVGs I have (I got them for Airsoft). I only take one duffel bag-filled with Water Pureification Tablets, a Ham Radio, Food, Two Pots (Wrapped in Styrofoam, to prevent noise), ammo ( Same as pots), and all miscellaneous items. My rifle and pistol will always be on me, along with 7 magazines worth of ammunition stored in a Tactical Vest. During the day, I hide. I use the Ham radio to call for other survivors. Eventually, the ultimate destination will be the NYC docks. Sure, it'll be a h*ll of a fight, but one of those cruise ships can run without making harbor for a decade. By then, the zombies will have decomposed.


So now I have to go fight monsters and aliens and scream at people who are only trying to help me. FREELANCER POWERS ACTIVATE! *Runs away*

I'm going to have a stockpile of food, weapons, and fuel ready and hopefully a boat or something. If I'm still where I am now when the outbreak happens, I'm taking a boat down the missouri, then heading down the mississippi to the Gulf and then I'm going to find some deserted little island and ride it out. I'm not saying it's foolproof, but I plan to fix the wrinkles as soon as possible.

My plan also chiefly involves my job.

I work at a Medieval arms and armor museum. You should already see where this is going.

Granted, the big glass front doors may be a bit tricky to secure against a REALLY determined mob, but we can easily secure the gigantic oak double-doors to the museum proper, which is built much like a castle. The walls are adorned with various swords, axes, and polearms. This is important - if you can't get a gun, a weapon with a long reach is going to be your best bet. Shorter weapons will allow the zombie to get into grabbing and biting range, but a good halberd can take of a zombie's head from several feet away.

And we've got quite a lot of them in all shapes and sizes.

Smaller weapons will also be handy for killing blows - if you don't quite chop the zombie's head off on the first try, your buddy can run up and mess him up a bit with a sword or ax while he's still down. Since most of us are at least a little combat trained (chiefly in the fine art of Viking "Peacemaking"), we'll easily be able to out-maneuver our opponents on any short forays into the outside world ("agile" is not a phrase usually applied to zombies). As a bonus - lots of armor! It may not be bulletproof, but it is zombie-bite proof, and really, what more do you need?

Most of the time, of course, will be spent holed up inside the castle/museum, but the downside is that there's not a whole lot of stockpiled food. We'll no doubt need to venture out and raid the pizza place down the street for frozen ingredients. But, hey, we all know that the guys with the coolest weapons always win, right? Aw, yeah. 8-)

Note to readers: Do not attack zombies with a flame thrower! Human bodies actually burn quite slowly, and since zombies feel no pain, they will not be slowed down until their legs fall off. I don't want my awesome plan subverted by an attack from YOUR flaming zombies! On the other hand, you are so on my team for the Mummy Apocalypse. :-D

Stall for time by offering to elope with said zombie, then having a dance (with death), and then finally pulling off her veil to reveal to the party that I've informed beforehand that the bride and her other party-crashing friends really are zombies, but they didn't believe me at first, thinking they were just appropriate Halloween costumes. Watch the ensuing chaos unfold and probably end up a widower.

I'm going less for "zombie apocalypse" and more "invasion of body snatchers". These guys are people that were hijacked by parasites and died shortly afterward but are still walking, and there's a limited number of them but that won't stop the invasion force from killing others and using their bodies as spares after the old ones end up spent.