The Would You Read It thread :-D

KatBrown — Tue, 11 Oct 2011 11:01:00 +0100

I thought this was a very helpful one in the old forums so I'm resurecting it with new rules; Before you can post a summary- you must give at least one person feedback. That way everyone should be able to get some kind of commentary on their NaNo project. I'll post first and then come back and comment when people start posting their summaries. My biggest concern right now with my project is that I want people to know what it's a retelling of without it being too similar to the original events.... Working Title: Dear One Summary: After a mind-sickness called The Suspicion causes neighbor to turn on neighbor, the remaining population is fractured into gang-run mini societies where the strong prey on those who feel they need protection in case the Suspicion hits again. When she was eight, Joan was pulled out of the water the that rest her family was drowned in and carried to the safety of a makeshift orphanage by a tall, dark stranger. She learned how to survive by keeping her head down, staying in the shadows, and taking care of her own- no one else. But now, the stranger's back, calling himself Michael and calling in her debt. He says that it's time to start putting the world back together again and wants to start by giving them a leader- the infamously arrogant, careless faction leader Charlie. Together with her best friend and protector, Cameron, Joan must find Charlie, convince him to unite the survivors, and convince the people to trust him; A mission she has no interest, and no choice, in undertaking.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

MarcyT — Tue, 11 Oct 2011 12:25:57 +0100

@KatBrown: Your story sounds very interesting. I think it would be very interesting to have a MC who does not like the mission she's being sent on. I also like how a lot of the characters, and society as a whole, don't seem to trust each other. The Suspicion also sounds very interesting, and I'm wondering why Michael wants Charlie in charge. I'm afraid I don't know what it's a retelling of. Here's mine: Working title: How to Raise a Teen, Save the World, and (Hopefully) Not Get Killed Over the Summer Summary: Jacob believed his life of adventure was long behind him, until one day a girl, insistent she is his daughter, shows up. Things go from confusing to crazy, as the two of them end up on the run from men trying to kill them and are pulled into an adventure, along with a bookworm, a biologist, a pickpocket, and a brooding young man, involving Jacob’s former fiancee and a buried treasure.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

vmullen — Tue, 11 Oct 2011 12:45:54 +0100

@MarcyT: It's very vague so far, but you have my interest. My main questions are: What kinds of adventures did Jacob go in again, and why are these men trying to kill them? I'm thinking that girly took something that she's not supposed to have in my head. Also, is the book worm hanging out with the biologist? Because the only thing I can think of is an actual worm. Mine! :D It's sorta longish Working Title: Red Alice--Suit of Diamonds Wonderland--here travels the Alices, the Hares, and everything in-between. Where in the dank dark of the woods and deep into the swamps, Bandersnatches and their ilk wait to tear you into tiny little pieces. Where The Red Queen is fighting with her sister The White Queen, and the Mirrored World where the Alices were supposed to have come from is starting to look more appealing to more than a few of wonderland's citizens by the day. In all of this, the Red Queen has made a very simple request: Find for her the Black Alice who started the mess with her twin sister. Xander wanders separated from his friends, his world, and all things that he held familiar. One month seperated him from the Real and got him trapped in the Digital and in the servers that host Wonderland. In audience with The Red Queen, he is offered riches, fame, forgiveness and protection just as long as he brings back the Black Alice to the red queen-- dead or alive. A tall order, when no one really knows who she is and what she looks like, but Xander is sure that he knows who the queen wants--and that she's his ticket out of wonderland and back to the familiarity of home. Desperation drives him to accept the suspicious offer--and madness will make him try to follow through on his vow. But, like everything else in Wonderland, nothing is ever simple. After all, if that were the case, he wouldn't have to go hunting for The Black Alice in the first place. Excerpt

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

fredtheflyingfish — Tue, 11 Oct 2011 14:15:26 +0100

@Vmullen: I love anything Alice in Wonderland related :D. Your story sounds amazingly interesting. It seems like a good addition to the Wonderland world, rather than a retelling. The one part that confused me in your summary was that Wonderland is on a digital server? I think you should elaborate on that a little more, and also how there is more than one Alice. Other than that, it seems great! Here's mine. Also longish :P In Penny’s family, a box is passed down to every woman, generation by generation. The first owner of this box was a girl named Pandora. The women’s job is to the protect the box and to never open it. There is one thing still trapped inside that can never be let out. Nobody has ever had a problem with this, until the jar reaches Penny. The box whispers to Penny, tempts and cajoles her, trying anything to get her to open it. She resists it for years, pretending the whispers are in her dreams. But one day, when she is seventeen, the worst day of her life occurs: she catches the boyfriend she loves cheating on her with her best friend. When she gets home the box seems to detect her anguish and goad her more than ever before. Too emotionally weak to resist it, she lets it take her in. The box commands her to open it on the people who betrayed her, and she does it. But when she opens the box, it’s in a dark room. And so who she thinks is her boyfriend turns out to be his cousin, Ethan. Ethan, who had nothing to do with all of it, absorbs what is left of the jar. The thing that could never be let out: hopelessness. Now, Penny and Ethan have to figure out how to get it back in the jar, before it spreads to all of humanity. It’s already taking over Ethan, making the eternal optimist see the world as bleak and dark. If it spreads, it could mean the end of all hope, all faith, all dreams. Everything that keeps people living will be lost. Forever.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefferyedoherty — Tue, 11 Oct 2011 15:04:35 +0100

@ Fredtheflyingfish. A modern retelling of Pandora's Box does sound interesting. I'd definitely put that on my reading list. There is plenty of scope for the box tempting Penny in the early stages of the story. The only thing I think may cause a problem is Ethan's character becoming unlikable after he is effected by the hoplessness. You'll need to show that without making him too depressing to the reader. I hope you can manage the challenge because it is definitely a story I'd like to look at. Now for my story: Olivia Stone is ten years old, a student at St. Giles Old Priory School and a defender of the city against all the nightmarish creatures that slip across the shadow path. Olivia used to be popular, until the accident. Now the other kids think she is strange and Brother Westerman Carver calls her an abomination. Trouble with Trixies is the first installment of "The Guardians of St. Giles." All the gargoyles have been taken down from the roof of St. Giles Old Priory School after one fell and injured a student. Now there are no guardians to protect Haven from the creatures who slip across the shadow path. Olivia’s injuries have robbed her of her confidence and she has developed a rare disorder that is turning her skin to stone. To make matters worse, she could be going mad. She hears whispers inside her head whenever she is near the maintenance storeroom. The whispers are coming from Yip, the tiny gargoyle who caused her accident and left the Trixies to run loose in the city. He needs Olivia to break him out of the storeroom so he can make amends. Although usually loners and minor mischief makers, something has rallied the Trixies into a pack large enough to wreak havoc on the streets of Haven. Yip needs to convince Olivia to help him stop the creatures. Olivia and Yip soon realise they can’t do it alone. The only person they can turn to for help is old Brother Westerman Carver, a ninety-two year old former teacher who believes it is an abomination that girls are even allowed to attend St. Giles School. Can Olivia and Yip discover how to out-trick the Trixies.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Lempicka — Tue, 11 Oct 2011 15:19:39 +0100

@jefferyedoherty: I love the sound of that! I would definitely give it a read. It's nice to see a story with a gargoyle sidekick (at least that's what Yip sounds like - nice name btw). Reminds me of Scree from Primal, and I loved that. The whole thing is a great premise and set up for any number of possible storylines and threats. The only thing I don't like the sound of is the misogynistic sounding ninety-two year old religious guy, Carver. He sounds like the kind of character that I would really hate, and unless he was handled well he might put me off reading altogether. Here's mine: Simon Laplace lost his parents to a fire two years ago. It was no accident. They were murdered by a cabal of sorcerers named Faust - men who quite literally sell their souls for power. With the help of his demon servant Mr. Scratch, Simon hunts the members of Faust down one by one in order to exact revenge. Scotland Yard aren't about to stand idly by while he does this however, and have enlisted the help of occult detective Thomas Carnacki, who is hot on his trail. What follows is a lethal game of cat and mouse that will take every ounce of cunning and resourcefulness Simon has if he is to evade the police and complete his vigilante mission. A historical fantasy story set in 19th century Victorian London, inspired by various Faustian works and adaptations.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefferyedoherty — Tue, 11 Oct 2011 15:56:45 +0100

@Lempicka. I love historical fantasies. I like the name of your MC and revenge stories are usually pretty easy to like. Who hasn't wanted to exact vengence on someone or other. It will be interesting to discover what was special about Simon's parents to warrant the wrath of the cabal. Use all your sensory writing. You need to capture the sounds and especially the smells of Victorian London. Good luck with it. It's strange but I really like Brother Westerman's character. He has taught at an all boys school his entire adult life then the school board lets girls in... He's a cranky old goat and he's part antagonist - part helper to Olivia and Yip. He's also the last of the Guardian's of St. Giles and he's allowed the gargoyles (grotesques, actually) to be taken down. He's a very flawed character - I think thats why I like him.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

pianogirl101 — Tue, 11 Oct 2011 16:52:43 +0100

@ fredtheflyingfish - I love Pandora's box! That is so neat, I would definitely want to read that.How much will you be pulling from the Greek myth to tie things together? (Just curious) @jefferyedoherty - Interesting premise. I rather like the concept. I'll be watching for more! :) So here's mine. It's kind of short, but I don't want to give too much away. :) : Working Title: Finding Prince Charming This is a sequel to last year's novel Charming Academy (for more on that see the website link in my profile). It is a retelling of The Frog Prince. When Adrian disappeared from school at the Winter Ball, his princess, Allegra, was heartbroken and angry. In a twist of fate it would be she going on a quest rather than her prince. As she finishes her final year at Fair Damsel's Academy for Young Ladies, Allegra must come to terms with the nature of her quest and prepare herself to break the spell holding Adrian captive. But first, she must find him in the most unlikely place of all. When she does, will Allegra be able to overcome her greatest fears and be the heroine of her own fairy tale? Or is Adrian stuck as he is forever?

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

underredskies — Tue, 11 Oct 2011 16:59:55 +0100

@pianogirl101: Your story sounds really interesting! I love stories with strong female leads. It's definitely something I'd read. Here's mine: Title: The Albion Bridge Twelve-year-old Jack lives with his grandfather, author of the fantasy series set in the realm of Eberum. In this fictional world, civil war ravages the realm as the traitorous Brotherhood threatens the rightful ruler, King Mathias, and the young hero restores order to the realm by killing Alastor Atheron, leader of the Brotherhood and pretender to the throne. The best-selling books have found their way to the heart of the nation. When his grandfather is kidnapped, Jack learns one of the biggest secrets of all time: Eberum is not the fictional world of his grandfather's stories, but in fact a very real and very dangerous world parallel to our own. Jack's grandfather is more than just a storyteller, he is the hero of the Eberum tales. But the realm of Eberum is not quite the way Jack's grandfather described it. There is something wrong in Eberum, and when Jack has a run-in with the Brotherhood he discovers that the antagonists of his grandfather's stories, the ones his grandfather helped defeat so many years ago, are not the traitorous rebels his grandfather described. Led by rightful heir to the throne Alodia Atheron, a bitter girl still mourning the death of her father, they seek to restore balance to the realm. Can Jack right his grandfather's wrongs, restore the rightful heir to the throne, and save his grandfather in the process?

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

ASongInMyHead — Tue, 11 Oct 2011 17:34:23 +0100

@underredskies. That sounds so cool. Is it weird that it briefly reminded me of Yu-Gi-Oh? It looks like it could be filled with delicious plot-twists. If I read that on the back cover of a book, I would really be interested. (I also noticed that you're a Nerdfighter... DFTBA). Title: Destroy Yourself (Working title for now. Subject to change). The year is 2094. Society is encouraged to have low opinions of themselves. Rebel forces are imprisoned daily by a brutal system of justice. Sixteen-year-old Dust Scane, from a wealthy family, joins the elaborate prison guard system, in hopes of following in his dead sister's footsteps. Fifteen-year-old Hollow, born and raised in a prison, spends her days plotting her way to freedom. When Hollow's newest escape attempt goes horribly wrong, the two are forced to work together when they become players in a deadly game of hide-and-seek.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Loki Mischief-Maker — Tue, 11 Oct 2011 17:43:16 +0100

@ASongInMyHead: It sounds interesting, but I want more information! I'm curious to know more about this prison system, and what exactly forces Dust and Hollow to work together. But it certainly sounds like a cool dystopia to play with. Title: Shift [Not enamored with it. At all] "Magic is changing. My siblings are reacting. And few of them have ever cared about the human body count. Someone should." But no matter how many confusing, vaguely prophetic dreams she has, that is all the crossroads god will tell Val -- all he claims he can tell her, since it's his sister who prophesies. And whether he's lying or not, he won't say what he wants out of her. Not that Val is any stranger to fulfilling roles she doesn't want or know how to fill. She's under enormous pressure to be her father's son, her convictions about her own gender be damned, and as the only child of the duke's with the necessary reproductive equipment to inheret, she's tried -- with little success -- to make peace with the role. But she can't even fathom why the god is targeting her, a teenage confidant of the crown prince of Kerrowyn, when there are sorcerers and magic peddlers all over the Orchestan Sea who have noticed something is amiss. But gods are persistant. The phase goddess adds prophecy to the dreams, giving her something to work with and virtually guaranteeing she acts alone -- because, as gratifying as it is for two deities to address her as a woman, few mortals are going to see said prophecy her way.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Beacon80 — Tue, 11 Oct 2011 17:55:12 +0100

@KatBrown: My big question is why is she doing this if she doesn't want to? Does she feel like she owes Michael, or is he somehow forcing her to do this? @MarcyT: I love your title, but your summary doesn't really tell me much about the book. You give us a list of characters, but absolutely nothing about the actual conflict. @vmullen: Sounds interesting. It reminds me that I still need to try "The Looking Glass Wars". I really like how you use "Alice" as a term for travelers @Fredtheflyingfish: Love the idea of Pandora's box still being around. I'm a bit apprehensive about her accidentally hitting her cousin instead of her ex-boyfriend because it was too dark to see, but that's the type of thing that might work much better in prose than it sounds in a brief summary. @jefferyedoherty: Major props for the gargoyle lore. This sounds like it could be a really great adventure series. @Lempicka: I'd definitely give it a chance. If you haven't already, I'd recommend you try to find some stories where the main character straddles the line between hero and anti-hero and see what you can learn from them. @pianogirl101: I would read this in a heartbeat. It sounds like a great deconstruction of the fairy tale story. @underredskies: While I admit I'm not terribly well read in YA (something I'm working on fixing), I don't think I've heard of many stories doing the whole Narnia thing lately. It sounds like your doing some deconstruction at the same time, with his grandfather not being the hero he made himself out to be. So, my turn Title: Angel Falls Emily's had a crisis of faith ever since her brother returned from Afghanistan a different man. But things start to change one day when they find three winged beings not far from Angel Falls. These angels have no memory of who they are, but Emily is determined to help them. Emily's search for answers about the angles will only lead her to more questions, not just about the angels, but herself and everything she knows. Once word about the angels leaks out, things can only get worse. And there's something else lurking near Angel Falls - something decidedly not angelic.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Beacon80 — Tue, 11 Oct 2011 18:03:53 +0100

@Loki Mischief-Maker: Possible title off the top of my head is "Ebb and Flow".

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

cloister — Tue, 11 Oct 2011 18:57:23 +0100

@Beacon80: I wouldn't read it, but mostly because that's just not my genre. But you definitely have elements in there that are strong. The brother's PTSD or whatever is afflicting him is a nice trigger for a crisis of faith. Discovering something secret about the world, something that could radically change society's conception of what the world is, has powerful implications, especially since that enlarged conception of the world comes with a dark side (the "something else lurking") to mirror what Emily has discovered. As story elements go, those are pretty good. What feels missing to me in everything after the first sentence is the brother. How does Emily's discovery, and the aftermath of it, involve him? Ultimately you need to resolve her crisis of faith, right? Because that was the central issue brought up in the beginning. To do so, the rest of the plot needs to affect that central issue in some way that can bring it to a resolution. So, how do the angels and the "something lurking" affect him? Can they help heal him from the war? Or if not heal him, at least bring him peace? Can there be a tie-in there, that in some way allows Emily to restore her faith? If so, then I think you have the makings for a pretty good story. Mine: Nebraska Territory, 1863. Ten-year-old Maria Browning, the American-born daughter of German immigrants, befriends a wild horse on the grassland prairie surrounding her family's homestead along the Platte River. Little does she know that corrupt railroad baron Thomas Durant has his own designs on the family's idyllic stretch of riverfront. Beseiged by Durant's dirty-tricks campaign to drive them and other nearby homesteaders off the land they've worked so hard to make their own, Maria discovers that she and Pebblehoof hold the key to upsetting Durant's nefarious plans. Yes, this is a "girl and her horse save the farm" novel, set in the old west. I'm writing it as a birthday present for my niece, who loves horses almost more than breathing, and I do hope she likes it. :)

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Agent Pendergast — Tue, 11 Oct 2011 19:05:09 +0100

@ Beacon80 I'm not usually into angels and the like. It depends on how much religon and God comes into play. I don't like being preached at. It could be interesting to see where these angels come from though and just what what they will/can do. I guess it is my turn. The story starts of with children and teens waking up one morning to find that the world has been destroyed. They have no idea as to how it got this way, but is has obviously been that way for some time. Everyone over sixteen and younger than eight is presumed dead (They are dead in fact, as there are piles of charred remains left in streets. Literally piles, like someone dumped them there) Oddly enough, they were left untouched. In fact, when they woke up they were still in their beds. Their houses had either burned down or been destroyed yet their bedroom and bed where left oddly untouched. Along with trying to survive and figure out what happened, some of the kids start discovering powers. Along with said powers though, they begin to change. The changes are not physical, but psychological. They start to turn mean and violent. They want to cause harm and they start developing a downright hatred for the kids without powers. The story will likely focus on a fourteen year old girl and how she deals with the whole ordeal, as well as her just trying to adapt to the new world. I have a plot idea where her best friend starts developing powers and turning against her. No love intrest between tem thankfully. I am going go ahead and spill a big secret. Aliens are behind it. The whole reason behind all this is experimentation. Think of it as a huge science experiment. They wanted to see what children would do if left in control of the world. To them we are nothing more than lab rats, something to be studied. As for the powers, I haven’t decided if that should be accidental or on purpose due to them wanting a variable in the experiment. The children under eight where deemed to be to much of a hassle. They didn't want kids being mommies and daddies. The aliens don't pla ya huge part. It is more about the kids coming to grips and trying to adapt to the new world. There will be clues left behind that suggest "aliens" are behind but they will not play an active role for the most part. They are more keem to sit back and watch.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Loki Mischief-Maker — Tue, 11 Oct 2011 19:24:07 +0100

@cloister: Sounds like an excellent birthday present. [I know it would be right up my little sister's ally.] I do like the little details in the summary, of geography and time period. @Agent Pendergast: Sounds intriguing, and certainly a situation that will force change out of the characters -- fast. I do like that it's about the kids and not the alien experimentation, and just trying to sort through the logistics of society should make for an interesting tale. Mine is still a couple posts above/on my profile, and I could use a good critique.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

underredskies — Tue, 11 Oct 2011 19:24:48 +0100

@cloister, it's not something I'd read now simply because it's not my genre, but when I was younger I was really into animals and in particular horses, and I would have devoured a story like that.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

cloister — Tue, 11 Oct 2011 19:24:50 +0100

@Agent Pendergast: It wasn't really a secret that aliens were behind it. What other explanation would fit the oddly un-touched bedrooms and piles of bodies, especially if done on a planet-wide scale? Has to be aliens. :) That said, the powers should be an accident, if for no other reason than experimental design. If you're doing an experiment, you control as many factors as you can in order to make the effect of the thing you're investigating stand out more clearly. If the aliens wanted to see how kids would react to suddenly being in control of the world, then they would do that but leave _as much as possible_ otherwise unaltered. Hence, no powers. Now, if the kids suddenly developed powers anyway, well, that would be a very interesting experimental result, wouldn't it? :) But that kind of thinking also suggests that the setup for the story should change a bit, too. Since the aliens have all this power, why kill all the parents and burn all the houses? What if everybody outside of the aliens experimental parameters simply... vanished? Leave all the infrastructure intact. It's the minimum amount of intervention which still puts the kids in charge. I can see the dead bodies thing as sensible if it were important to the aliens that the kids know, for sure, that the grownups weren't coming back. After all, their behavior would be different if they thought they were in a temporary situation versus a permanent one. Food for thought, anyway. Now, since apparently we both posted at the same time after @Beacon80, somebody scroll up a ways and critique mine, eh? :)

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Beacon80 — Tue, 11 Oct 2011 19:59:57 +0100

@cloister: Definitely not my genre, but I hope your niece likes it. I'm a discovery writer, so while I'm pretty sure her brother will be an important part of the story (if not, I'll have to edit him out and re-engineer her crisis of faith), I don't know entirely how it will effect him yet. It's definitely something I'll be keeping in mind as I write, though, and I should probably retool my summary to reflect that better. @Agent Pendergast: This got my attention, if for no other reason than I've had a similar idea (aliens mess with the Earth just to see what happens). I think having the aliens in such a distant position is likely to make getting a satisfactory resolution to the story more difficult, but if you can do it, it'll be that much more rewarding. I'm not a fan of preachy books, either. I'm actually agnostic, and this story idea kind of caught me by surprise. My basic mentality going in to this is that while Emily is searching for answers, the story is going to me more focused on presenting the right questions to ask. I'm not sure where she'll be by the end of this, but I'm not going to give her an easy answer.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

takecare — Tue, 11 Oct 2011 21:58:20 +0100

@vmullen - I have to say I read Alice in Wonderland and thought snap. XD But mine's different from yours. I really like your summary there, it definately sounds interesting although if Wonderland is hosted on servers, is it all online then? And how many Alices are there? @underredskies - This definately sounds interesting! I'm guessing that the Albion Bridge is something that links the two worlds? Since that's your title and it's not mentioned in the summary at all? But there definately seems like a lot could happen in it. :D Mine: Title: The Un-damsel in distress [temporary] Summary: "Little Red Riding Hood was stupid to get eaten by that wolf. And she wouldn't have been saved. If she'd been swallowed, she would have been DEAD." Alice Lewis was a very frank child. She grew up in a normal house-hold, with her parents, two brothers and a cat in a very normal town in England. From the day that she could talk, she argued and from the age that she could read, her nose was always deep in a book. But not fairytales. Not Children's books. Rapunzel was too stupid, Cinderalla was too weak and Alice in Wonderland - oh, Alice Lewis did wonder at how stupid a girl could be! This was when Winifred came in. White horses, dashing princes, dragons and damsels-in-distress, Winfred was everything Alice was not. So when Alice insults Winifred's favourite heroine, Alice from Alice in Wonderland, she was in for a surprise when she wakes up in her very own, and slightly more sinister Underland where everything is not as it seems and Alice is about to get taught a lesson of her own. Fairytales aren't all as happy as they seem and one might be sure that Alice will be glad of a prince, or two to come and save her, when the going gets tough! Being a heroine isn't all as easy as it seems. Certainly there's one important lesson to learn from this all; how can one ever grow out of happily-ever-afters?

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

andreamantis — Tue, 11 Oct 2011 22:05:23 +0100

@KatBrown - It sounds really interesting, and I would definitely read it, although I'm not sure what it's a retelling of. @MarcyT - Sounds interesting, but very vague. And from your title (and part of your description), it would seem like this book is told from the point of view of the father, so I'm wondering if it maybe shouldn't be YA/Youth? @vmullen - Very cool! I'd definitely read it! I love Alice in Wonderland stuff, and this story sounds really cool! @fredtheflyingfish - That is a really cool idea! I'd love to read that one, too! You could go a whole lot of different ways with that story! @jefferyedoherty - Oooh, gargoyles! Sounds cool! A very clever new idea, I think! @Lempicka - I really enjoy Faust stories, and this sounds cool! Have you ever seen the movie The Phantom of the Paradise? It's a kind of rock opera from the 70s that plays on both Faust and The Phantom of the Opera. A bit weird, but a very cool film! @pianogirl101 - That's cool that you did a retelling of The Frog Prince! I'd be interested in reading the first book and the second as well! @underredskies - Hey, I'm a fellow Nerdfighter! DFTBA! I like your story idea, it sounds really cool! I'd definitely read it! @ASongInMyHead - Another Nerdfighter! DFTBA! Oooh, I really like your plot idea, and I love the names Dust and Hollow! I would love to read this someday! @Loki Mischief-Maker - I like the whole gender identity thing! It could make for a very cool story and I'd be interested to read it! @Beacon80 - I like the fact that the main character is undecided about her faith. That could create a lot of tension and interesting twists, since she's helping angels. Cool idea! @cloister - Sounds like a very cute story for your niece, and if I had a daughter I'd steer her right towards it! @AgentPendergast - Very cool idea! One of my favorite books that I read in 6th grade (and I still love it to this day - I adapted it into a screenplay for Script Frenzy '09) is The Girl Who Owned a City by O.T. Nelson. In it, all children over the age of 13 I think have died from a virus. And the story is all about how some of the kids turn to gangs and steal from the other kids, etc. But I love your twist on this idea. The powers and the alien experiment. Sounds great and I'd definitely read it! Okay, now for mine. Working Title: The Moirai Seventeen-year-old Prudence “Pru” Hartley wants to follow in her father's footsteps and become a political journalist. Well, at least, that's what her father wants. But Pru doesn't know the first thing about politics or investigative journalism, and she can't seem to get over her innate shyness. Plus, her father is THE political journalist in the tri-state area, and has recently published an article so controversial that news stations all over the U.S. are calling him for interviews. So, no pressure or anything. So, in her senior year in high school, Pru has joined her school paper. But now her editor, being a huge fan of Pru's father, has given her an impossible assignment: interview the presidential candidate when he comes to town. Pru's got connections after all, doesn't she? Luckily Mr. Hartley has agreed to accompany Pru to the rally, but makes no promises that he'll be able to get her an interview. But Pru never gets the chance to prove herself, because on the way to the rally, she and her father get into a horrific car accident that proves fatal to Mr. Hartley and leaves Pru in a coma for months. Pru awakes from the coma to find a mysterious woman by her side, who claims to be part of a group called The Moirai. She says that Pru has been “chosen,” and therefore has been “given a Destiny.” Pru has no time to grieve for her father. Instead, she must figure out three things. Who is this woman, who are The Moirai, and for what, exactly, has Pru been chosen?

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

underredskies — Tue, 11 Oct 2011 22:06:22 +0100

Yes! It is completely absent from the synopsis but the title does come from the bridge linking the two worlds. I should really edit the synopsis to reflect that...

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

andreamantis — Tue, 11 Oct 2011 22:08:09 +0100

@takecare - Sorry, I was typing mine when you wrote yours, but I think it's a cool idea. I really enjoy the retelling of fairy tales, and I think yours is cool because it seems to include several different stories within one book. I'd definitely like to read it!

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

WillowViraBaker — Wed, 12 Oct 2011 01:16:46 +0100

@takecare: I LOVE this!!! I'd like to know more about your Alice and her Underland though. How is this going to change her outlook on fairytales? And why is this important? I'm guessing that there's some other plot within the Underland section of your story. This sort of reminds me of The Gimm Sisters series. Is Winifred going to be incorporated into Underland as well or is she just part of "reality"? I think it would be interesting to see if she could be in both parts. Sounds great though! I'd definitely pick this up and read it. @andreamantis: This is such a good idea! I'd love to see how you tie both parts together and make the whole journalism thing relevant to the Moirai part. I like Pru, she seems like a very interesting character, but what is it that she wants to do? Maybe she could be really good at this one thing, but everyone thinks it's not important or silly. Like she could really love to draw comics or plant gardens, but no one sees her passion as a profitable field to go into, and undermines her interest. And if these Moirai people gave her a destiny, I think Pru's going to start to become sick and tired of people telling her who to be and what to do. She would seem flat if she just accepted what everyone tells her to do and follows her intended path. I'd love to see her rebel a bit. And mine... Working title: Box 1060 Setting: Modern-esque fairy tale world with a Victorian flair. My novel premise is a girl (who is from a very rich and highly esteemed magical family, and consequentially a witch) decides to commit suicide, but before she does, she writes a letter explaining what she's going to do, then tosses it in the mail sorter at the main post office. In this world you can toss a letter in the mail sorter (when the post masters aren't looking), and it'll be delivered to a random post office box (everyone has boxes and not home addresses). Her letter is received by an apprentice wizard. She's caught before she can commit suicide, and her family, to both save face and to treat her depression, moves her to their country house where she can be watched. They cast inhibiting spells on her so she can't do anything magical to hurt herself, but she can still do basic stuff (like turn the lights on and off, move stuff around, use pre-made spells, etc.) The wizard, who is finishing up a teaching degree at the Royal University, writes back, urging her not to commit suicide. What follows is a long-standing correspondence between the two, which becomes the most important things in each of their lives, taking the girl through both finding the meaning of her life and what it is she wants to do with it, and the wizard through both establishing himself as a respected professor and learning to listen to what seems like the unimportant things in life.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Lilix Morgan — Wed, 12 Oct 2011 02:03:54 +0100

@WillowViraBaker I can see this almost in a 'Dear John' sense, or even a 'Sleepless in Seattle' angle. As the letters continue back and forth I can see her having a typical struggle of ups and down and small relapses back towards the idea of suicide, but seeing the beauty in the world and what she wants from life keeps her rooted in the end. I'm kind of double-dipping in a way this year, because I'm doing two novels at the same time. I always like to use NaNo to boost my writing on other projects while my NaNo novel takes precedence. My NaNo Novel One's Working Title: Unfulfilled Synopsis: If you were to ask Alex Stanford why she only had three almonds, a spoonful of pepper jam, and two bowls of low-sodium miso soup for her whole day, she'd call it normal. In fact, she'd probably even say it would be a bit too much. If you were to ask her the very same thing two years earlier, she'd probably just call that half of a snack after school. For years Alex has been at war with her own body. Every morning she takes a photo of herself in her underwear, measures every inch of her body, and prays the scale never goes up but always goes down. She will not eat in person, avoids the kitchen at all costs, and if by some chance she does eat it must be logged and twice as much exercise must be done to make up for the indiscretion. To some this is insanity. To an anorexic like Alex, it's a necessity. But Alex's world is about to give out from under her very two-sizes-too-small feet. Her mother has caught onto her behavior, her friends at school all know why she uses the bathroom after lunch, and there isn't enough money in the world to pay her little sister Addie to keep quiet about the Tupperware filled with vomit under Alex's bed. Her world gives out effortlessly, and soon enough she finds herself in a treatment facility hellishly dubbed 'Sunshine Wellness Lodge.' Stuck in the confinement of this facility, Alex must now face just where and why she fell down her slope of food-induced loathing, before it kills her. NaNo Novel Two: Illumine Working Synopsis: I actually lack a fully-fleshed synopsis, but here goes. The story follows a freshly turned seventeen-year-old named Essallie Hanley, who after a particularly horror-shocking event in her home in NYC, moves back to her first home with her older brother in Belfast, Maine. When the weirdness persists, Essallie discovers she is a Nephilim, half-human half-angel. It's up to her and her Watcher, who she must find, to come into her powers before the magic kills her like a ticking time bomb within her veins. You know, if she can stay alice long enough past the supernatural creature that's out for her blood.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

myyearinlists — Wed, 12 Oct 2011 02:29:16 +0100

@Lilix Morgan I would have definitely picked up the first when I was younger. Rehab stories have always been interesting to me, and as someone who struggled with eating disorders starting in seventh grade and lasting all the way up through my first two years of high school, that combination is kind of my sweet spot. As long as you do your research and try to avoid the stereotypical eating disorder storylines, I think that could be fascinating. I'm not too sure about the second, but I'm not a big fan of paranormal YA. I'm certain there's an audience for it, though. I'm just not part of said audience. My synopsis: [quote]10,000 HANNAHS New York City, 2025. Human cloning has become commonplace in Eastern Europe, but is frowned upon in the Western world. On the eve of her 16th birthday, Hannah Lautenberg's primary worry in life is whether her boyfriend is preparing to break up with her - that is, until her parents drop the bombshell of a lifetime on her. When Hannah was an infant, her parents sold her DNA to a Russian cloning laboratory in order to pay off medical bills of their own. Now, sixteen years later, the "Hannah" model is one of Eastern Europe's most popular clones available, with over 10,000 in Russia alone. The United States military is planning to invade the former Eastern Bloc in order to "liberate" all living clones and put an end to the black market clone industry, and Hannah has to make a choice: she can either work with the government or go on the run. Obviously, she chooses the former option. But when Hannah and her fellow "Genetic Sources" discover that the military's so-called liberation tactics are much shadier than the choice of words would imply, they are forced to reevaluate what constitutes a human life - and, perhaps, commit treason.[/quote]

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

andreamantis — Wed, 12 Oct 2011 02:32:00 +0100

@WillowViraBaker - Thanks for your input! I have a lot of this book mapped out, because I'm kind of cheating and re-writing my NaNo novel from last year. But I'm completely re-writing it, and a lot has changed... But I really appreciate your comments, because I love the idea of Pru being really good at one thing, and that could end up helping her after she receives her Destiny. And yeah, she's going to rebel a lot from that Destiny! And I really like your novel idea, too. It kind of reminds me of the Griffin & Sabine series by Nick Bantock, but your story is completely different - just the writing back and forth part reminded me of that series. And I like the idea that the older wizard is going to learn things from the young witch - it's not just him helping her out of her depression. I'd love to read your story! @Lilix Morgan - Wow! Two novels at once! I like both of your stories, and I love how they're so different, yet kind of similar in the way that both of their bodies are harming them! Unfulfilled is not usually my type of story, but I really like how a lot of the story seems to be set in the treatment facility. You could have a lot of interesting characters fill those halls, and Alex could learn a lot from people that are like her, and others that aren't so similar to her. And I really love your idea for Illumine. The half-human, half-angel idea seems really cool, and you could do a lot with it! I'd love to read both of those books!

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

dolphinherovamp5 — Wed, 12 Oct 2011 03:19:57 +0100

@Lilix Morgan The first one has really caught my attention. I've never read a story where it goes through a person's process in rehab due to an eating disorder. Plus, it seems different compared to others. As for your second one, it honestly doesn't fully capture me. But, it'd be something I'd pick up and try to read it. :) Title: Withered Synopsis: Boy meets girl... Nick was an ordinary guy. He loved to hang out with his friends and do the every day things that the people of Coos Bay, Oregon do. Then, one day his eyes land on a girl he's never seen. The girl, a small and quiet person, held a daisy in her hands, never letting go for anything. It was natural curiosity that drew him to her, or even more than that. Days later... Nick finds his life to be spinning out of control and he doesn't know what to do. But, all he can think of is that girl with the daisy. She seemed to have been a pretty girl with a dark secret. He should have seen it all coming. The days get dreary... With his friends, Nick leaves Coos Bay to try and discover the truth behind the girl with the daisy. But, nobody ever said it'd be easy... "We will forever wither."

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

KatBrown — Wed, 12 Oct 2011 03:23:12 +0100

@andreamantis: It sounds really interesting but the first half sounds like a completely different story from the second. Do they connect somehow or is the bit about the journalism stuff just background information or does it tie into the Moirai plot?

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

annieca — Wed, 12 Oct 2011 03:31:52 +0100

@dolphinherovamp5 - I love that line "We will forever wither." I like this intrigue idea that we have no idea what this daisy girl has to do with the spinning out of control aspect. One question you might want to answer (or have and just didn't post it) is how Nick's life is spinning out of control. You Left Me a Note on my Ballet Slippers Synopsis: Amy hasn't seen or heard from her mother in 8 years. And frankly, she doesn't want to. Life with her sullen, bordering on emotionally abusive dad might not be great, but she'd much rather live with him than with her mother who walked out the night before what Amy thought was the biggest dance recital of her life. But then as fate should have it, Amy becomes friends (and potential girlfriend to) with the boy next door, Tyler, that knows her dark past she hides. When, on Amy's 18th birthday, she receives a birthday card from her mother, Tyler convinces her it's time to confront 8 years of pent up rage. Only, when Amy reaches Vancouver and sees her mother's new life, she isn't sure if she should even be a part of it. A novel about learning to let go and that what we've dreamed about and wished for, for years, might not turn out to be what we really want.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

andreamantis — Wed, 12 Oct 2011 03:46:59 +0100

I know, it sounds a bit disjointed as a summary, because the journalism stuff seems like a kind of set-up for the character. But yes, the journalism stuff does have something to do with what happens later... Thanks for your input!

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

dolphinherovamp5 — Wed, 12 Oct 2011 05:02:41 +0100

Don't worry. I have that answer. I just felt like if I posted it, I would be giving away too much. Lol. Anyways, I'm absolutely in love with your synopsis and your title is creative. I really like it. If you ever publish this in the future, I would be sure to pick it up and read it. It just keeps speaking out to me even now! :D

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Jayne2 — Wed, 12 Oct 2011 06:21:45 +0100

@WillowViraBaker: While I am not one for magic (well, in the typical 'high fantasy' sense), I actually love the literary fiction side to this. I would probably not pick it up, BUT if I read the synopsis somewhere I would be very interested in at least flicking through the pages at a library, I love, love the line in your synopsis of 'learning to listen to what seems like the unimportant things in life', it's the bit that hooks me in =D. @Lilix Morgan: [Unfulfilled] Books completely dealing with mental disorders rarely interested me in the fictional sense, I find many often badly researched and stereotypical, but I think that WITH the research done (to me you explanation of the vomit under the bed is a great example of this - the harsh yet true reality of how some eating disorder sufferers will hide their disorder in considerably sickening ways) I might pick it up if it were suggested to me. If not I would be happy to suggest it to a friend who enjoys books such as this - with comments of how well thought out and researched it seems. [Illumine] This is a bit more my style, and while I can't get a fabulous idea of what would happen (as you said, it's not a complete synopsis yet), it is something I would find interesting if well written and the lore was considerably traditional. @myyearinlists: I ADORE this synopsis! It carries similar themes to a novel I was planning to write for NaNo (the whole 'liberation for the underdog' idea) so it's something I would definitely read. I also love the theme of good vs evil, the coming of age...I love it all, it's very 'me' and I would love to read this if it were every published! @dolphinherovamp5: I like the intrigue of this, even if it isn't my 'thing' as far as reading topics go. You have got me sitting here wondering about what that daisy is and who that girl is, and it reminds me very slightly of a Supernatural episode I watched once, which gives you bonus points =P. I might not pick this up, but I am interested. @annieca : A beautifully described coming-of-age literary, young adult synopsis. I would like to pick this up and at least have a flick through it. You have me interested and this is a book where as long as I loved the characters (I have the sense you plan to make it very character driven?) I would read it, because I would want to know what happened to them, where they went, and whether they got their 'justice'. Mine: [quote] With his boyfriend dead and his former girlfriend responsible, Charlie has fallen off the edge. No longer caring at all about saving people or seeing the good in everyone, he has allowed his vampire traits to take over and soon loses everything he has striven towards. Charlie's only goal now is to find Ellie and destroy her. But meeting a homeless girl fighting demons of her own will cause him to bring these thoughts of revenge to a halt and put his efforts into helping her. And through doing this he will be able to finds things out about himself he never thought possible. [/quote]

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Chautona — Wed, 12 Oct 2011 10:33:09 +0100

@ KatBrown- I think your story sound exciting and inspiring. I like a main character who is resistant to the job before them, and it sounds like you have not only that but supporting characters that will hold my attention. I love the world you've created and I think if I read a synopsis in a catalog, your book would go in my shopping cart. You said it's a retelling, but I'm missing the original. I'll probably feel silly once I know. @ Marcy T- I'm a little confused about your book-- primarily because it sounds more like a mainstream novel rather than children's lit or young adult. I'd assume that Jacob has to be nearing middle age to have a teen-aged daughter and it sounds as if he is the MC. However, aside from that confusion, I think if it has the humor that it sounds like it will, the book will be a fun read. @vmullen- I've never been a fan of Alice (I know, VAPORS!) but I do have to say that your synopsis sounds a bit intriguing. Usually if I see "Alice" I back out faster than a Twilight hater in Forks, but if I did get past the mention of Alice, I might actually give it a shot. For one thing, it sounds like another Alice might give the story the twist it needs to pull me in. @fredtheflyingfish-- Ok, I want an email when your book is published-- preferably with a link to where to purchase an autographed copy. I have one question. Is hopelessness POSSIBLE to overcome? Can a person fight it or is it all-encompassing to everyone eventually? @jeffreydoherty-- You have another one I'd like notification for when it is in print. Sounds fascinating. Is Brother Carver a loveable old curmudgeon or the guy you love to hate? Either is fine, but I love looking forward to those kinds of things. Dying to know what happens to Olivia! @lempicka-- OOOH!! A vigilante in Victorian England?? Killing off demons? What's not to love? It's not my usual genre, but I might just be tempted! @ pianogirl101-- I absolutely love fairytale retellings and yours sounds extremely well done. I'm thinking I need to go buy last year's! I'll be off to find that link when I'm done here. Allegra is one of my all-time favorite names. Just as I had my husband convinced it was a good name, they came out with medication and he nixed it. Sigh. If I love the first one, when this comes out, I'll be reading this one too! @underredskies- Ok, I want to read the Albion Bridge. This sounds absolutely riveting. I know my daughter would drum her fingers until I finished in order to have a chance at it-- and I'm a fast reader! Sure you don't wanna do a super fast pre-NaNo and write this one between now and the 31st and then do something else in November? @asonginmyhead-- I admit I'm a bit confused by your premise. What is the purpose of the low opinion of self and what do the rebel forces rebel against? I'm intrigued, but I'm not sure... @Loki Mischief-Maker-- I think I'd have to read it to know what I thought, but I do know I'd definitely try to read it. I like that she isn't just another son a father never had but that there's more to it. I think that's what pulls me in the most. That and the fact that she does care about the human body count. ;) @Beacon80-- I like the premise of your story. Crisis of faith meets something that forces you to choose sides etc. I'm not sure of the angelic aspect, but that is likely because of my own faith etc. @Cloister-- I'm sure your niece will love the book... I have a couple of daughters who would be over the moon if I wrote a nice horse story set in the old west. I am a very bad mother. I also have to say that while I love fantasy and fairy tales, it was really nice to see a story that could have actually happened. Do let us know if it is ever published. I might redeem myself in my daughter's eyes if it arrived in the mail... Another thought I had was that while this may be "another girl and her horse saves something" story, people don't seem to think that we should just quit writing any "boy meets girl" version of a story or "good triumphs over evil" story. Girls like horses. They like to be heroines just as much as boys want to slay dragons or shoot down evil spaceships. So, I think that embracing that need to conquer something and be the "rescuer" is a good thing to embrace. Sometimes our need for something new and shocking is just that. New and shocking. @Agent Pendergast-- I'm on the fence, but leaning toward the "this could be brilliant" side over the, "don't think I'd like it" side. I like the premise of aliens experimenting on us and I love that they don't get center stage. I see the point of the powers (dividing the kids who are left) so it feels deliberate, but oh wouldn't it be fun if it was some odd side effect of whatever they did to eradicate the others? hee hee. I also wonder about the piles of charred bodies etc. Seems a bit gruesome. It is likely to create some deep psychological issues that could mess with the alien experiment. Just a thought. @takecare-- I am now eager to read an Alice spin-off. How did that happen? I have a sneaking suspicion that it might be because I was quite a bit like your Alice as a child-- too literal and a bit self-important to put much stock in anything as fantastic as, well, fantasy. @andreamantis-- I was intrigued until the last paragraph. I am now confused. I don't know exactly what to think. I think I'd have to try it because I was pulled in by the beginning, but I'd be nervous until I got to that part. @WillowViraBaker-- Ok, I started reading and thought, "nah... not me." However, the more I read the more interested I became. It's almost a bit like Shop Around the Corner/In the Good Old Summertime/You've Got Mail but wizard style. It'll be even better if it doesn't take a romantic turn! I now want to read it. Sooner than later, please. Must have an email when it's published. @Lillix Morgan-- The first one isn't something I'd be interested in reading. You have a very well-thought out plot and I think you'll do a fine job. It's just not my "thing" so to speak. However, I think if I was looking for something along those lines, a synopsis like that would likely pull me in. The second one confused me. I'm very unfamiliar with paranormal type things-- which I assume this is. I'm sorry. I'm not very much help, I'm afraid. I'm sure others can cheer you on with the kind of encouragement and advice that'll be truly helpful. @myyearinlists-- I'm intrigued. Must. read. book. I like how the downside of things is creating a need to stop it but the method of stopping isn't appropriate either. It's a fascinating premise and one I'd definitely pull off a bookstore shelf. @dolphinherovamp5-- What you gave wasn't enough to sell me on the story, but it was enough to pull me in. I love the title, I love that last line. I'm intrigued by the girl with the daisy and want to know more. Those elements are strong and excellent. Whether I'd continue to read once I started would depend on what you did with those elements. Once upon a time, I finished everything I started good, bad, indifferent. I just don't have that time anymore. If a story loses my attention, I have a three strikes rule. At the third, it goes in the discard bin. But...this story would definitely make it to the read pile. I can't get that "We will forever wither" out of my head. Well done! @annieca-- Oh boy. I didn't think I was interested until your "what the story is about." That got me. I'm curious to see what is going to happen now. As a child, my mother always said (way too often to my childish ears), "Be careful what you wish for-- you just might get it." This feels like that now. Argh. Now you've got me. @Jayne2-- You're another "I didn't think I was interested until the end" story. I'm fascinated. I'm not into vampires, I'm not a huge romance kind of person, but I'm a sucker for someone growing beyond themselves stories. I just might read it after all. I'm surprising myself tonight! Mine- Title-- This is book one of a series, "Legends of the Vengeance". The working title of this one is "Out of Mediterranean Waters" but I doubt I'll keep it. I don't like it. Synopsis-- Sebastian Soranzo is the son of the pirate Nicolo. Though he's known no other life, Sebastian aches to live in a town or village somewhere with an honest existence. He hides his distaste of the sea, fighting, and of course, pillaging from his father and the others. Nicolo Soranzo is a bitter, angry man. When the love of his life was murdered by the Inquisitors, he swore revenge upon Spain. What Sebastian has not yet realized is that Nicolo only fires upon Spanish ships. Their supplies and gold are secondary concerns. He wants Spain to pay for what they did to Sebastian's mother. His crew is comprised of other men accused of crimes for which they are innocent, exiled for being of the wrong race or religion, or swindled by others. Once revenge is exacted upon the oppressors, these crewmen take the spoils of that trip and start new lives for themselves elsewhere. They've sailed up and down the Mediterranean for nearly ten years, but when Nicolo is recognized in Siracusa, they leave the Mediterranean and seek new adventures in the Caribbean. The first book centers on leaving the old and learning the new trade routes etc. Additionally, they are trying to help rescue an innocent man from prison ships and return him to his family Intertwined throughout the book is a story (The “legend”) of a “Secret Jew,” a man third in line for one of the Spanish thrones, two children, and a servant. One of the crew likes to entertain the others with the story of how the Jewish family left England during the diaspora, moved to Italy, and the granddaughter married the heir to the throne of Valencia. He tells heartbreaking tales of the current king discovering her Jewish status and turning the family into the Inquisitors. A young servant boy saves the toddler son, but when he returns for the daughter, he watches from behind a curtain as they haul the rest of the family away. Obviously, there’s a point to these legends. ;) There are lessons that all the main characters must learn, and of course, the most being Who has the right to exact vengeance and who does not.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefferyedoherty — Wed, 12 Oct 2011 14:06:13 +0100

I love historic fiction stories. And this one sounds epic. It's obvious you have put a deal of effort into research for this story. I think the idea of a ship full of falsely accused criminals exiles and wayward nobles out for revenge is brilliant. The scope for interesting characters is huge. I will definitely let you know if it ends up in print. Brother Westerman is a cranky old goat who hates that they allowed girls into his school. But he ends up helping Olivia anyway. They are going to have a love hate relationship throughout the series. Jeff

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefferyedoherty — Wed, 12 Oct 2011 14:10:47 +0100

I was starting to yawn (Like Pru, I have very little interest in politics) until the last paragraph of the outline. That got me interested. Jeff

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefferyedoherty — Wed, 12 Oct 2011 14:16:46 +0100

There have been some really good fairytale retellings. Why not the Frog Prince. Sounds like a fun story. Jeff

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

muffinsplanned — Wed, 12 Oct 2011 14:42:46 +0100

While I am generally not a big fan of historical fiction, or of pirates, but this does sound like one of those young adult books that sucked me in when I was younger. I'd definitely read it if it was fille dwith learning the new trading routes and different way of the countries, and if the legends are a big part of the story. It could be a bit dull, if you don't do it right, so it could be a make it or break it kind of thing. There's a fine line between intruiging the reader with all these things they do and discover, and telling them why they're doing it, and to bore the reader with too much of it, or confusing them with too little. Hmm, but yeah, if I were a bit younger I would have loved this, I think. Mine is... Title: Everything Synopsis: Nadia graduated from high school three months ago. She was supposed to start the rest of her life now, away at college, not trying to console her mother after her parent’s ugly divorce. Not fingering at the edge of depression, desperately trying to pull herself up. She’s unemployed and just barely able to get out of bed. So she does the only thing she can do; she thinks. She thinks about Linus and his friend, who bullied her relentlessly throughout her school years. About Niklas who tried to make them stop. About the teachers and friends who left her on her own. Thinking about the whispering behind her back, and her dad’s constant absence and her mom’s jittery nerves. Just as she is about to hit rock bottom she meets Aaron, a twelve year old boy who is skipping class because his classmates might kick his ass. Seeing her young self in him, she takes him under his wings. She becomes his only friend, and a shoulder to cry on. He gives her a reason to live, and he teaches her everything there is to know about everything.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

muffinsplanned — Wed, 12 Oct 2011 15:07:36 +0100

Oh, and I'd also like to add my second idea, if that's okay? Jennifer is a good girl, with a good family, and good friends: but being good gets boring quite quickly. But a wish gone wrong causes her to form an unwilling alliance with someone, something, she never had thought she’d meet: Lucifer, the devil. Everyone Jennifer loves is suddenly in danger, and the only way she can save them from Lucifer is to obey his every command. She has to alienate her family, and become Lucifer’s wings, someone who serves for him on earth. At first Jennifer is sure that Lucifer is the bad guy, but eventually realizes the plan he has for her, and for humankind. She has to sacrifice herself for the world, just like Lucifer sacrificed himself for heaven

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

miss_quoted — Wed, 12 Oct 2011 18:06:16 +0100

@muffinsplanned: I'm intrigued! Tbh this kind of plot can get boring really quickly but it seems like you have enough info about your character thought out to make sure that doesn't happen. I am sort of unsure about where you're planning to go with it? Is there one overarching plot, or is it a more coming-of-age thing? Oh, and your second idea is SUPER cool. I'm a sucker for demons and all that jazz, and I also love the theme of sacrifices and how Lucifer's own plays out. Very very cool! Here's mine: Mary's story wasn't a fluke. The impregnation, the virgin birth, the baby that will save the world— it's happening all over again, smack in the middle of 2011, and it's Miriam's job to be the angel of the Annunciation. Accompanied by Ariel, a much older angel who is a touch too bitter after the last attempt at an Annunciation went horribly wrong in the Middle Ages, she descends to Earth to carry out El's orders. What she didn't expect was such violent opposition. Because Pru Calloway is a lot of things: she's skeptical, she's seventeen, she's not a virgin, and she most definitely does not believe in God. And now it's either bow to the angels that won't seem to leave her alone, or keep on convincing herself that she and her boyfriend of three years, Seth, the only solid thing in her life, messed up badly enough to ruin their futures. Because there's no faking the morning sickness, or the bump on her stomach... Miriam is devoted to El. But it takes all over her strength to keep being that way as she watches Pru break down piece by piece, Seth always willing but completely unsure of how to fix her, and Ariel teetering on the edge of becoming one of the Fallen. When she finally reaches her breaking point, there's only one question left: to keep following along? Or to question everything?

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Mz_Ima_Hoot_likes_to_write_too — Wed, 12 Oct 2011 18:49:28 +0100

Fred the flyin fish~I'm really excited about reading the Pandora's Box story one day. I'm sorry that I don't have any really constructive advice to give except that reading that blurb would pique my interest and draw me into taking a look at the book. I'd really like to see where you go with that. KatBrown~the Suspicion sounds very intriquing as well. I look forward to seeing more. So-I'm thinking I'm not all that original, but here's an idea I had.... What about Cinderella, Snow White, Rapunzel, and Sleeping Beauty find out they all have the same Prince Charming? He's such a player. Has that been written, and I just missed it somewhere?

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

A. C. Moore — Wed, 12 Oct 2011 19:07:45 +0100

Ohman I love Alice in Wonderland stories! I did one last NaNo. Your idea feels new and fresh -- that while still holding on to Alice-like concepts, it has a completely different story that doesn't mimic the original too closely :)

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

A. C. Moore — Wed, 12 Oct 2011 19:17:08 +0100

This certainly sounds like fun. The title was the first thing to catch my attention, as I'm sort of an Arthurian nut-case and Albion made me go "!!!". I like how yours is a good twist on the "History is what the winners make it" or something along those lines. Is he the hero or the anti-hero sort of thing.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

A. C. Moore — Wed, 12 Oct 2011 19:20:57 +0100

This certainly sounds like something I would read. I'd like to know a lot more about the world, too, such as the different gods and goddesses, and probably just what is causing the "human body count". (Also, Beacon's title suggestion sounds pretty good, too.)

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Mz_Ima_Hoot_likes_to_write_too — Wed, 12 Oct 2011 19:23:02 +0100

Mis_quoted~Wow! I like it. I would definitely read it.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Mz_Ima_Hoot_likes_to_write_too — Wed, 12 Oct 2011 19:25:15 +0100

Muffin'sPlanned~I like the first idea the best. I guess because I'm a teacher (and a mother of three teens/preteens), and I see a lot of the bullying-it's back and forth, and even the "popular kids" aren't free of it. I would share something like that story with my students and my boys.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

A. C. Moore — Wed, 12 Oct 2011 19:26:54 +0100

I like how yours is more of a combination of familiar stories instead of just picking one in particular (I have a weakness for mushed up stories like that--such as Fables, 10th Kingdom, and Into the Woods). I'm really curious to know what sort of fairytales in particular you plan on pulling from. I also super like the line "Being a heroine isn't all as easy as it seems".

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

A. C. Moore — Wed, 12 Oct 2011 19:36:37 +0100

For the ~Prince Charming~ Player story, they mention it in the comic series "Fables"--he married Snow White, then Cinderella, and then Sleeping Beauty. But I think it would be a fun story to play out in an actual novel instead of just a character past that comes up every so often in a series :)

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

A. C. Moore — Wed, 12 Oct 2011 20:06:48 +0100

Okay I suppose I'll put mine down! I don't quite have an exact date decided, but it's at least around 2230 or so. The “End of the world” scare forced people underground, living in large compounds and bunkers that were scattered across the country; but in the last 150 years, topside has grown over and turned wild. Animals have become more ferocious, and humans that decided to stay above ground became equally wild from having been forced to live in such harsh conditions. One such bunker, located on the outskirts of the Las Cruces territory in New Mexico, is organizing its second trip Topside to try and see if there is any way they can return to living on the surface. It is led by Harvey, a strange young man who was the only one from the first trip Topside to return. Cameron is the younger sister of another one of the individuals from the original mission, and is more determined to find out what happened to her brother than she is interested in finding a new place to live. She's joined by her best friend, Jed, and their two older schoolmates, Reno and Tanner. They journey west, following the same trail that was taken by Harvey and the others on their first trip Topside. But Cameron begins to realise that Topside might not be much better after all--and if they don't have the resources to continue living in the relative comfort of their bunkers, maybe they shouldn't try to delay the inevitable dying out of their society.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

andreamantis — Wed, 12 Oct 2011 20:46:33 +0100

Yeah, I think this summary needs work, because, although the political part does have something to do with the story, the main focus is on the accident, the coma, and the Destiny. Thanks for your input!

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

JesusLover — Wed, 12 Oct 2011 20:46:44 +0100

I've been reading over a few of the posts from you all and I have to say, all of these stories sound great! ^_^ I'm not sure that I have time to reply to everyone, but I will right one reply: @dolphinherovamp5: Your story sounds interesting! I like how it's more like a mystery and it keeps everyone guessing. I would definitely read it. =] Okay... here's mine: Title: Crossroads: Summary: A Girl. Alicia Kapoli's life seems perfect. She has a great family, a lot of friends, and she gets good grades in school. A Boy. Logan Gibson seems like a rude, careless outcast who cares about no one other than himself. But not everything is what meets the eye. Alicia is struggling to keep life the way she wants it, in spite of what everyone else wants for her. Logan is friendless and on his own. All he wants is to fit in. When two worlds collide, they learn that not all friendships start off friendly. Together, they must come to realize that the opinions of others don't always matter. And that putting others' needs before their own can make a big difference. But can they do that while also being on the run?

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Mz_Ima_Hoot_likes_to_write_too — Wed, 12 Oct 2011 20:59:15 +0100

A.C. Moore~Very interesting.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Beacon80 — Wed, 12 Oct 2011 22:36:42 +0100

Sounds kind of like the Fallout video game series. Definitely a good setting with a lot of potential.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Ender Delphiki — Thu, 13 Oct 2011 05:19:38 +0100

@andreamantis- I love the set-up, I love the seemingly irrelevant tangent (which I assume is going to turn back around to the original set-up), and I love how you can do so much with this plot. All truly perfect for a NaNovel as well as a great YA&CL read in general. @JesusLover- It seems like Don't Stop Believing from Journey, which I think is far too overplayed and the themes are far too overused. But, that doesn't mean it's not interesting. I'd like to know more from reading that, which is a good sign. Specifically, I want to know what kind of conflict the two are in and why they must be on the run. Apathy Academy: The Red Team I have a synopsis posted but here's a bit more specific to the plot instead of just the setup: Aspen Elliot doesn't make the smartest decisions. She knows it. But, her parents do too, and after having crossed the line, her parents resort to sending her to a boarding school. First impressions can be quite deceiving, and she realizes her dad has actually put her in an elite, closely competitive school where students are sorted into teams based on personality. Aspen is assigned Brown. Elaborate hierarchies of students and staff and teams and pods and classes make themselves apparent. But how do these work? How is this school so effective in teaching their students how to make the smartest possible decisions? Simple. Competition. In the form of video games. (More on my Novel Info) That's the setup. An intro to the plot... Aspen arrives and is originally assigned Brown, which she suspects must be some sort of mistake. Still the first day and her school account and identification are somehow destroyed and a Green teacher (Andrew Sephus) helps restore and boost the protection, while Aspen's own Brown teacher (Basil Stearns) makes apparent a lust for investigation. Together, the staff members figure out a way to recreate her school identification and recreate her status as a member of the Red Team mentioned in the title and described in the synopsis on my Novel Info. Let the games begin!

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

ahighcalling — Thu, 13 Oct 2011 06:56:53 +0100

Ack, I can't get back to the first page to see everyone's synopsises (synopsi?), but there are a ton here that I hope one day make it into book form because I want to read them! Here is my synopsis. I have a really hard time writing these, so any help would be moat welcome! The Fairytale Kingdom First Laugh has been Precious One's fairy for 7 years now. She has welcomed 2 new fairies into the household and taught them how to care for their bundles. But now her own bundle doesn't need her any more and there two fairies who can welcome the new fairy arriving any minute. First Laugh isn't sure where she belongs anymore. When she begins to become ill, along with all the Other fairies in the Sylvan Wood, First Laugh goes to the queen of the fairies to find out what is going on. Queen Dearest tells her that Someone is rearranging the fairytales in The Fairytale Kingdom which is affecting the fairies. If the stories aren't corrected the fairies will continue to weaken and will eventually die. First Laugh struggles to fly home as she is losing her strength. Once there, she finds that the new fairy has arrived, but because of the changes in The Fairytale Kingdom, the fairy didn't arrive complete. She has her wings, but they are still furled and seem to be shrinking. First Laugh reassures the other household fairies that she will do what she can. First Laugh goes to Queen Dearest and offers to go to The Fairytale Kingdom to set everything to rights. The Queen warns her that once she goes in, she may not come out again until her task is complete. First Laugh agrees and sets out on her journey. But before her adventure is over First Laugh will discover that saving a people requires faith and the ability to see beyond what is in front of you.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

catalytic — Thu, 13 Oct 2011 08:09:48 +0100

@ahighcalling - I'm guessing this is for the younger teen group- but it sounds interesting. I could definitely picture my 10 year old sister wanting to read it. Though personally it's a little lighter than my typical novel choice. I like that it sounds like a compelling story as well as one with a good moral message. -- My story is somewhere between older YA and adult fiction- it really depends how dark it gets. My basic idea is that two university freshman meet towards the beginning and are complete opposite. One is a Math major with a trend of perfectionism and the other is an impulsive yet whimsical English major. They bicker and eventually end up falling for each other. However, the relationship turns bad- it's mutually abusive and a tangled web they cannot escape. Love sometimes isn't enough, but it is enough to trap two people in their collective destruction. (I'm not sure where it's going to go- perhaps substance abuse?)

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

vmullen — Thu, 13 Oct 2011 09:43:38 +0100

Oh, wow, so many o.O I only have time for one right now, they're all really good :D @EVEYRONE :O : Thanks for all the commentary, by the by, I'll need to clarify a few things in the outline... which isn't done. GAH *Flail* Seems like I need to recruit my test readers here shortly :D @myyearinlists: Holy Crap, are you posting this online? Cause, if you are, I wanna read it as you're writing it. I'm actually a fan of science fiction and using it to question what humanity means and I wonder what the consequences are for Hanna when she starts encountering the genetic copies, if it gets that far. I also wonder what it's like to be a clone in this story universe, so that might be something you could address too. I have a smiliar story, but it's WAAAAAAY not safe for the kiddies to read.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Mz_Ima_Hoot_likes_to_write_too — Thu, 13 Oct 2011 15:35:27 +0100

Ender~Very interesting concept. I was especially taken with the sorting students by personalities. I find that interesting, because there was very recently a few court cases involving schools assigning student ID colors (and privileges) based on scores on the annual standardized tests. I'm a teacher, and that type of stuff gets my attention. I'm very interested in how this sorting affects student moral and interactions and eventually how they fare and behave during the competition.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

andreamantis — Thu, 13 Oct 2011 19:54:17 +0100

@Ender Delphiki - Thanks so much for your input! I'm glad you like my idea! It's quite complicated, and my mind is bogging me down with all the details, and I get kind of worried that maybe the story is horrible, but comments like yours pick my self esteem right back up! Thanks! ;) I really like your idea, too! It seems just as complicated as my story! ;) I got a bit confused when you went into the intro to the plot...I'm wondering why all the staff members would go to such lengths to get her into a different team, but I'm sure you've got a reason behind it! I'd love to read your story!

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

kitandkat — Thu, 13 Oct 2011 20:39:17 +0100

Oooh, yeah, that sounds really interesting! I'm also an English major :) But I love realistic novels with darker plots, so I would probably pick yours up :)

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

kitandkat — Thu, 13 Oct 2011 20:43:32 +0100

I love the idea of the fairytales being rearranged which is messing up the fairies. I enjoy reading books that put a spin on classic fairytales and go into what's happening "behind the scenes", so to speak. Your book sounds really fun.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

kitandkat — Thu, 13 Oct 2011 20:54:10 +0100

Okay, here's mine. I mentioned in another thread on here that I'm not really sure what category it fits into. It starts the summer after high school ends, but it kind-of expanded on me and now it ends up covering about ten years of my characters' life. I don't really think it fits with regular adult fiction... but probably too old for YA. But I'm hanging out here anyway. I think it would fit in the new genre "New Adult". It's definitely a type of lit fic because I can't summarize the plot because... uh, there isn't much of one, at least one that runs through the whole thing. Anyway, I have a cheesy synopsis on my profile (I was bored and decided to style everything in nautical metaphors) but here's a real one: Cate has a form of chronic leukemia that is being controlled by drugs, allowing her to live a relatively normal life. As she moves into adult life, the disease she thought she left behind at eleven still haunts her. Things start spiraling down when she and her best friend start dating on their senior year sailing trip - and then he dumps her because it suddenly dawns on him that she could die if her disease became uncontrollable [yeah, nice one]. Cate puts all her energy into her figure skating career when she returns home, delaying her entrance to college so she can catch up on the preparation time she missed on the trip. Once she starts school, she's faced with the normal freshman problems and a complicated friendship/frenemy, not to mention the pressure to win Nationals and receive a spot on the Olympic team. Cate eventually applies to medical school, where she gets the surprise of her life: her enemy/former best friend/ex-boyfriend lives in the same city. And he wants to reconnect. Yay drama!! Without giving anything away future plots include complications from her leukemia treatments, dealing with infertility, intern year, etc. Basically, it's about Cate growing into herself and learning to live as an adult and as an adult with chronic illness.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

JMGilligan — Fri, 14 Oct 2011 00:17:22 +0100

Hi KatBrown. I think this story sounds great - lots of action and adventure. If you want it to be an obvious retelling though, I'm haven't figured it out yet. On a side note, have you seen the BBC show Survivors? It's about a dystopian England after a flu virus wiped out the majority of the world's population. Your summary made me think of it. If you haven't seen it, you might want to check it out. It may provide your some inspiration when you're building your setting. I haven't settled on my story yet, so I'm just giving feedback on others'. I'll post mine when I figure it out.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

pianogirl101 — Fri, 14 Oct 2011 01:14:51 +0100

@Chautona - I hope you enjoy Charming Academy (the first book) and I'll certainly be posting excerpts of "Finding Prince Charming" as November goes along. Make sure you send me some feedback when you finish the first! :) Also as far as your idea goes, I have always loved historical fiction and your story sounds really, really interesting! (Who can resist a good pirate story?) Can't wait to hear more on it! @ahighcalling - I love the idea! I'm definitely thinking I'd probably buy that one! :)

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Chautona — Fri, 14 Oct 2011 01:53:57 +0100

@Pianogirl-- It says I should have my book by the 28th, but knowing Createspace, it'll be here at the end of next week. I always get my shipments at least a week before they say I will. Either way, I'll have time to read it before NaNo starts.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

bikegirl115 — Fri, 14 Oct 2011 01:54:04 +0100

There are so many here, and so many of them seem really cool! Okay, I'll just review the second page, because p. 1 is very long as well. Also, I'm a teen who reads a LOT. (And a lot of cover blurbs) Please don't be offended! I've begun to be suspicious of YA books because there are so many bad ones out there, and you're most likely better writers than I am. @takecare I'm a sucker for stories about retellings of fairy-tales, no matter how close or far they are from the source material. I want to read this... (I know it wasn't on the first page but it jumped out at me.) @WVB When I read the first few sentences, I immediately thought of Diana Wynne Jones' worlds, although it seems that the story told will be one much darker. I think I would read it, because the world sounds interesting- modern with Victorian and magic! But I'd also like to know more about the plot; epistolary novels can often bore me (if it in fact becomes one) and if nothing much happened I might put it down. @LillixMorgan Your first novel, as another poster said, has a well-thought out plot and could be done very well; it just isn't my thing. Ditto for the second one. (I have a perhaps unfair bias against "angel" books after reading a few horrible ones). Definitely go for them, though, I think many, many people would read those two books and you've put much time into thinking them out. @myyearinlists My friends would all read this. It's a dystopia, which I never pick off the shelf but I really, really like when I do read them. So, I probably wouldn't pick it off the shelf, but my friends would, and then I'd read it and wouldn't be able to put it down. Okay, I thought more about this, and I actually really would love to read it. The moral questions it raises are fascinating for even the modern world (isn't that what dystopias are about?) and after reading the synopsis again I really wanted to know what happened. (I feel an HEA wouldn't be coming in this case...) @dolphin I'd need to read more of the synopsis- if that was all it had on the inner cover I'd flip through a few pages, and if I liked it take it out; if I didn't like it I wouldn't. @Chautona I would so read this. Pirates, vengeance, questions of morality? Historical political intrigue? I love books like this, and they're one of the few books in which I don't even care about the prose (though it's always nice to have nice prose), because the adventures can carry the book. Basically, I love this kind of book more than is good for me. @muffin I might cautiously pick this up, and continue to read if it was written well and the main character was interesting. Coming-of-age stories can be amazing with an interesting narrator and surrounding characters, even if EPIC SAVE THE WORLD THINGS don't happen. (I write your kind of story, too, though I do it badly.) @AC. Your username... Is that like the arts and crafts store? I love that place! Again, the sort of novel my friends would recommend to me and I would end up loving. Seriously, why do I never pick these books off the shelves? It's like I have an aversion to getting sci-fi off shelves unless it's recommended. @ahighcalling- This story has a good message, but I would also like to know what the adventures are before I read it. It seems like a book for young adults a little younger than me, and I love fairy stories, but I think my possible reason for not reading is that the queen's name is Queen Dearest. It seems saccharine and I probably wouldn't have been able to keep a straight face as a preteen reading it. @catalytic I think I'd read this. It sounds very, very interesting, perhaps a bit dark for my taste (I might put it down, after a while, because I'm a wimp, but I would START reading it.) @kitandkat I would read a coming-of-age story like this if it is done well. Or if it was in an airport library- it would be the book I was drawn straight to. I can love this kind of book, and I've started reading more early university adjustment books (in hopes they'll help me in the next few years). I'd pick it off the shelf for sure, but whether I'd continue reading is based on the writing. Mine! Sally Summers is a shy sophomore who plays the flute, also newly appointed "assistant band filer" (alternatively, the band filer's minion) for her high school band. The job consists of organizing music, "giving the trumpets hell when they lose stuff", and doing whatever Rachael, the main band filer, wants her to do. Rachael is an uptight, ultra-stubborn, and stressed out girl, whom at the beginning of the year terrifies Sally. Then a piece of music- all the parts- goes missing. Rachael takes this badly, and Sally has to try and find everything before their band director notices. But the main problem, for Sally, isn't finding the music. It's how, in looking for the music, she has to relate to the variety of characters who populate the school's music department: Inga, the annoyingly peppy new girl whose life's goal is to defy Asian stereotypes, Jamie, the sarcastic trombonist with a penchant for lying, Lyle, the all-American good guy whom Sally's had a crush on for years, TJ, who thinks he's above all the rules and might be right, and Ellie, the freshman anti-trumpet player. Though this is a story about a band, it's also a story about human relations, finding yourself, (un?)requited love, and hilariously awkward moments. If you've ever made out with someone in a practice room or eaten a second lunch (or wanted to do either of these things) you should read this book. (It ended up sounding like a sales pitch. Apologies.)

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Chautona — Fri, 14 Oct 2011 02:03:47 +0100

@bikegirl115-- I really thought I was going to skip commenting because it seemed as if this was the same book I've read a million times, but I think I'm wrong. I think if you do with this what I think you're going to do, this has the potential to be a kind of "defining" coming of age book for the early 21st century. I am intrigued.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

RabbitinRed — Fri, 14 Oct 2011 03:46:08 +0100

@ bikegirl115 I'm pretty excited about TJ; I like that descriptor of him. I've never made out with someone in a practise room or eaten a second lunch, nor have I wanted to, but I'd read your book anyway. :) [I'll go through the other pages later, sorry. I have a poor sense of time management.]

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Willow. — Fri, 14 Oct 2011 06:07:39 +0100

Sounds like a great and inspirational journey to follow, something I would definitely pick up and read. If in the situation where her ex-boyfriend dumps her and comes back to reconnect, what would motivate her to even consider? Maybe that in itself could clarify the plot? I'm not sure but think that it could help, possibly. Maybe, kind of, blah. Anyway, I love the idea though I'd never end up successful trying to write something like that, so hats off to you.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Willow. — Fri, 14 Oct 2011 06:29:31 +0100

I'm going back and forth between two ideas but one in paricular I'm unsure about. I'd be taking a risk that I'll bury myself in endless disconnected plots. Anyways this is it: It’s like time is on a skipping CD. Years have passed and the human civilizations have begun to mimic our Greek ancestors. Worship of the gods, architecture, and life style all reflect the time period though technology is still decades ahead of time. It is a world of Zeus, cell phones, and for Hannah Davis, classical music. But Hannah has a secret. She can walk in anyone else's shoes at any given time. She desperately fights to control her ability, a curse she has begun to call it. After a stunning audition for a private high school for aspiring musicians, she finds herself amoung people who don't make her tendancy to stare at other people's shoes seem so strange. For the first time since her mother's death, she's gotten a grip on her life and begun to control the wandering of other people's minds she had had so much trouble dealing with before. As one no ordinary fifteen year old girl's life seems to find it's place, the world around her is in turmoil. The democratic government has fallen and been replaced by a destructive monarchy. The people have divided and a civil war has started brewing, bringing out the worst in everyone, putting an end to whatever peace anyone had found.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

kitandkat — Fri, 14 Oct 2011 07:03:43 +0100

No, definitely a good question! Reasons I have so far... Cate and her ex are neighbors and their parents are also BFFs, so her parents are ALWAYS trying to force her to talk to him again, when this happens her dad is like "you HAVE to give him a chance!" She would still, I think, feel comfortable around him and find him easy to talk to (even though she doesn't WANT to...*). She actually makes him go to a bone marrow biopsy with her before they do anything else, as like a test, and he's able to handle it, so that's a huge factor. And he's kind-of pulling out all the stops, he knows he was a bit of an idiot. *I have a former friend, kind-of a similar situation - our moms are still friends so we end up seeing each other a few times a year and I always feel comfortable talking to her and we get along just as well as we did when we were younger, even though I don't really trust her. I do think she has matured and possibly changed; the last few times I've seen her I've felt like if there was a reason for us to be friends, I might pursue it... but for now I just don't want to put in the effort. I think there would be more risk involved with a romantic situation, but it's *somewhat* based on this friendship-ish. I have a good idea of what's going to happen, it's just there's no one plot that threads all the way through beyond coming-of-age, I guess. Anyway, thanks!! :)

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

justkate — Fri, 14 Oct 2011 10:17:38 +0100

I tend to stick to Sarah Dessen-esque, girly, silly, somewhat angsty novels. If this isn't your thing, feel free to move on. There are a few details I haven't yet worked in, but this is what I've got: Skye has been working and saving since she was legally able to - all to escape her mother and her perfectly tailored private school life. And now that another legal first has passed - her eighteenth birthday - Skye is crossing state lines and going to live with her father, who she hasn't seen her mother kicked him out a decade ago, in Louisiana. She's got two options - spend the summer after high-school graduation in Belle Grande and go home in the fall for college, or stay in Belle Grande full time and attend the University there. But what Skye expects - lazy Southern afternoons and gators - isn't exactly what she finds. Instead of her school's preppy, condescending popular crowd, she gets a group of debutante-slash-pageant queens with freakishly big hair and vendettas. Instead of twacked-out crackheads in the alleys in the city, she gets barefoot country bumpkins with impossible to understand accents. There are a few upsides, though - instead of her psycho-analytic mother Lydia, she gets her laid-back father Clyde. And instead of her cheating, loser ex-boyfriend Daniel, she gets Dean - truck-driving, beer-drinking, karaoke-singing Dean. And there's Baylee-Ann, who looks like one of the DebuBrats, but has a heart of gold. And just maybe, in the middle of the hottest summer Belle Grande has ever seen, between catfights and crawfish, Skye might begin to understand who exactly it is that's being prissy.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

August. — Fri, 14 Oct 2011 10:17:49 +0100

@Chautona: The pirates and adventures sound awesome. I’d be a little wary of the revenge bit, though; I can’t stand characters who are driven by revenge and I can’t tell how I’m supposed to feel about Nicolo Soranzo. @RabbitinRed: I’d definitely flip through it and see what else happens--it’s a little hard to go on that much information but it's intriguing.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

brandnewriot3 — Fri, 14 Oct 2011 13:18:45 +0100

I like the sound of this, I love Alice in Wonderland stories :) If you haven't read them already, I recommend The Looking Glass Wars by Frank Beddor :)

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

That'sMyLullaby — Fri, 14 Oct 2011 20:52:03 +0100

@ Justkate Oh no! It was cute off! :( Sarah Dessen! AWW YEAH. I love her books even if they are girly and silly :) I absolutely love the idea and it would defiantly go over well with YA readers.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

That'sMyLullaby — Fri, 14 Oct 2011 21:04:13 +0100

Jadeite (Jade) lives in perfection. The whole town. Isolate from the rest of the world, which they no nothing of, the people run themselves (so they think) and live together in harmony. But Glory, Jade's best friend, looks beyond his world and asks questions. Questions that are not meant to be ask. Jade just thinks Glory is being himself and leaves at that. Until he disappears. Jade is then plunged into a journey to find the truth. And she will not like what she finds. (a bit rough, I know. I'm still working on it)

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Chautona — Fri, 14 Oct 2011 21:22:59 +0100

Sorry... without the revenge aspect (and learning to overcome it), the book wouldn't make sense. There'd be no point to it.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

pianogirl101 — Fri, 14 Oct 2011 21:31:34 +0100

@ThatsMyLullaby - I think I'd need a little more to actually pick it up, but it does sound like an interesting concept. I think once you've fleshed things out a little more it could be really good! :) Keep working at it and I'll bet you'll get it together. :)

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

MarcyT — Fri, 14 Oct 2011 22:45:20 +0100

@That'sMyLullaby: Your story sounds very interesting. I like the idea of a "perfect" town, with mysteries. Glory sounds like a very interesting character. I like characters who ask questions. Your story sounds very mysterious and the last line intrigues me very much. I want to know what the truth is, and why Jade won't be happy. I also like the names. They are unique, but not difficult to pronounce or spell. Here is my new and improved (and longer) summary. What do people think? Also, Jacob is the protagonist and he is 40, even though this is YA. I forgot to mention, I'm trying to write a story for teens and with several major teen characters (Claire is almost as important as Jacob), but with an adult for the protagonist. How to Raise a Teen, Save the World, and (Hopefully) Not Get Killed Over the Summer Though not nearly as exciting as the lives of the characters he likes to watch movies about, Jacob Halenbeck lived a pretty interesting life. He worked as a language specialist in Mesoamerican languages on archaeology digs in Central and South America. However, seventeen years ago, disaster struck. The day Pamela Monagen, his then fiance, disappeared, Jacob lost all interest in being on the archaeology digs. As soon as that dig was finished, he moved back to the town he grew up in, got an apartment and a job teaching at a college, and realized all his and Pamela’s dreams would never come true. One evening, as he was about to spend a quiet evening at home alone, there is a knock on his door and he answers it. Outside is a redheaded girl who introduces herself as Claire Monagen--and his daughter. Claire, however, is not the only one to show up. Jules Devalen, the son of an old friend of his, contacts Jacob, looking for answers about the disappearance of his parents, questions Jacob has been pondering for the last seventeen years. Then a beautiful, but dangerous, young woman shows up, ordering Jules to give her a clue once given to his father or she’ll kill him. Before Jacob knows what’s happening, he finds himself on the run with Claire and Jules from unknown attackers. And as they run, Jacob wonders many things. What do these people want? Why did Jules’s parents vanish? And what really did happen to Pamela Monagen?

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

WrittenWord — Fri, 14 Oct 2011 23:38:04 +0100

@bikegirl115 - First of all, SAVE THAT. It'll be an awesome pitch when you finish this book and start trying to find a seller. Second of all, I would TOTALLY read that book. I was a band geek myself (and, incidentally, a flautist). Personally, though, I would like to know a little more about the plot. What is the music that's missing? Is there any reason for Rachael to stress other than her personality (is it one of the iconic pieces, is it impossible to replace, are they planning to do it for the spring concert, did the band director's mother donate it to the school)?What do Inga and Lyle and TJ play? (Okay, that's a minor plot point, but I still want to know!) @Willow - The summary is a little confusing, and I'm not sure what the culture has to do with Hannah's secret. I might read it just to figure out what it's about, or to be honest, I might just pass it over because I don't understand what it's about. Does that make any sense? @justkate - I love Sarah Dessen's work, and that looks like something I would read in a heartbeat. (Actually, if you'd be interested in a swap in December...) @That'sMyLullaby - It actually looks similar to a plot I've already seen, as it stands right now, but like someone said, if you flesh it out a bit, I think it'll be interesting! @MarcyT - That...may be the most fascinating plot summary I've seen in a long time. I would absolutely read that, in a heartbeat. And I don't think there's anything wrong with an adult protagonist in a YA novel...but that's just me. Here's mine (and please think of yourself as between 11-17, because that's who this is really targeted at--you'll see why): Highly individualistic Jefferson Adams receives yet another diary for his fourteenth birthday. Politically astute, he begins keeping a meticulous record (in haiku, just to be odd) of the world around him, both his local community of Arlington and the greater United States. He avidly follows the events of the 2000 Presidential Election and believes, when Bush finally emerges victorious, that he has just witnessed the most monumental event of his life. He is wrong. Mere days into his sophomore year of high school, Jefferson's world is shaken, literally and figuratively, when he is forced to evacuate his school because a plane has crashed into the nearby Pentagon. Frightened and confused, suddenly plunged into a new world, Jefferson must struggle to re-establish himself in a world stood on its head, growing up too quickly and trying to maintain his identity.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

MarcyT — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 00:10:07 +0100

@WrittenWord I'm between 11-17. I'm not a big fan of realistic type fiction, but as a teenage political geek, that piqued my interest. (Also, I like the idea of a teenage political geek for the MC because that seems pretty unique.) Being that I'm too young to actually remember the events of the 2000 election and 9/11, this story would be very interesting to me. I like how you formatted the summary with the one short sentence in the middle. It really caught my attention and made me wonder what would happen next. Also, I hope the reader gets to read some (or all!) of his haikus because that would be really fun. I thought that detail was an interesting addition and makes the story seem more detailed and more like what a 14-year-old would do.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jennifercarydiers — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 01:26:38 +0100

Hi @MarcyT. Your title is amazing. I want your synopsis to be more like your title. I think that what this synopsis is missing is humor. We need to know why we care about these characters-- what makes Jacob, Claire, and Jules special? What makes them sympathetic? Your title implies a level of sophisticated humor that your synopsis doesn't follow through on. If your book is going to be like your title, give us a few lighthearted moments to let us know that. If it isn't, then change your title (sad but perhaps necessary). Also, you've got a lot of separate conflicts here. Pamela went missing. Jacob has a secret daughter. Jules' parents also disappeared, and he thinks Jacob knows why. A beautiful killer wants Jacob to give her some kind of clue. Are these things all related? To what? I'm not seeing a through-line. The questions at the end don't work. What do these people want? (A clue. You told us that.) Why did Jules parents vanish? (Who is Jules to Jacob? Why do we care?) And what really did happen to Pamela Monagen? (Is this all related to her disappearance? If so, try something like: "the truth behind Pamela's disappearance may be the key to their salvation"... but less cliched.) Nitpicky Stuff: Cut the "disaster struck" line. The cliche isn't serving you. Unless Jacob has moved on emotionally (which you imply he hasn't), don't call Pamela his "then-fiance." If she's missing and he hasn't had any other romantic relationships since, she is still his fiance. Just a thought. Did Pamela have red hair? Does he? It's just odd that you mentioned it. If neither of them do, I'd assume she's lying about being their daughter. If one of them does, you should probably say something about the resemblance being convincing. Also, be careful with your tense. "Jacob Halenbeck HAS LIVED a pretty interesting life"? Or is it "lives"? I'm really not sure. But it definitely isn't "lived". Your tense is confused all the way through the synopsis. I think you have a great start here. Keep working.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jennifercarydiers — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 01:37:58 +0100

Hello @WrittenWord. Overall, I like this synopsis. I would read this book. Here are a few things to think about: Don't tell us Jefferson is "individualistic." Just show us. You're already on the right track: he keeps a diary (strange for a boy), he writes haiku just to be odd, he's into politics. If you must mention it, make it an observation of himself. Does he want to be different? Or special? Or is it hard for him? I'm more interested in how he feels about himself then in your (the author's) opinion. The second paragraph also needs to show rather than tell. You have a tendency toward long (even run-on) sentences, so watch for that. If you cut the word "because" in the first sentence and make that two sentences, you'll build more tension. "A plane has crashed into the nearby Pentagon." Much more tense. Don't tell us how Jefferson is feeling after the crash... show us! You have us hooked, so you can take a little more time here. What exactly changes? How does it alter how he feels about himself, or his family, or his country? And where is the conflict? This isn't a memoir, so we need to know what the major conflict is. Now is the time to tell us. Please keep me updated! I'm interested in your progress.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

The Nerdy Geek — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 02:28:47 +0100

@Willow: While your story sounds really interesting, your summary is disjointed and confusing. You go from describing this futuristic world heavily influenced by the Ancient Greeks (why?), to talking about Hannah's secret ability (which, while cool, is only mentioned in that one paragraph), to an audition, to civil war (where'd that come from?). This is probably because the plot is complicated, but in the case of complicated plots, just pick one or two threads of the plot and stick with them while you're writing the blurb. @WrittenWord: As a teen political nerd, I want to read this. Badly. (By the way, Jefferson Adams = brilliant name for him.) I agree with jennifercarydiers though. More showing, less telling. And why does 9/11 affect Jefferson so much? Did he lose a family member? Friend? Or for some other reason? Or is that too spoilery? --- So... here's mine. Rip it apart please. :D When Cora found a bizarre pocket watch on her way home from school, she had a feeling that it was unnatural. However, she didn't know that certain people, "manipulators," could use it to travel through time, and she never suspected that she was a manipulator herself, until she discovered the pocket watch and the complex world that went with it. Time travel isn't all fun and grandfather paradoxes, as Cora soon discovers. If anything, it's the complete opposite. The manipulation world is ruled by Kairos, an organization that seeks to push manipulators into the shadows and keep them there at all costs. With laws so strict and the penalties for breaking them so harsh, manipulating time is a fine line to walk. If Cora makes a single misstep, Kairos will negate her very existence without a second thought. Cora only has Vera Mattel, the pocket watch's owner, to help her learn the rules and how to avoid breaking them. But Vera is far from an ordinary manipulator, if the files marked Kairos Law Enforcement Department in her office are any indication. According to those files, Cora is a criminal under investigation by Kairos for crimes she hasn't even committed yet. When most of Kairos's convicted criminals are killed, it's a very bad thing to be on their suspect list. But the worst part isn't that Cora is supposedly a criminal. It's that according to the files, she's supposed to be dead.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefflion — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 02:36:07 +0100

@Nerdy Geek I'm a sucker for time travel so I'd definitely check it out. I know some people think it's overdone, but don't listen to them. Some things seem a bit confusing (why do they need watches to travel through time?) I'm more interested in personal aspect of her story and adventure than the secret organization, but that's just me. Here's mine (directly taken from the novel synopsis page): My name is Robin Fischer. People should remember this name, because one day I’ll be a world famous theater director. (Who Am I kidding? People don't care about theater anymore). This is my senior year in high school and I'm directing a play I adapted from Jeffrey Eugenides' masterpiece the Virgin Suicides. Yes, I am actually going to make this happen. In my school. Good news: My new drama teacher is open-minded and doesn't care about controversy. The class is enthusiastic. My lead actor is exceptionally talented. And Devon McAllister - not that I'm that interested in him, mind you - is in my drama class so I can cast him in a role that really suits him. And my parents don't care about what I do. Bad news: The drama teacher is a drug user, we're guilty of copyright infringement, the principal is not happy with objectionable themes in the play, Devon can't act (except when he flirts with girls, but he's useless on stage), and the lead actor has Asperger's syndrome. And my parents don't care about what I do because they still mourn my brother who died twenty years ago. He's gone, and yet, he's still here: his room untouched, his presence undisturbed, the memory of him lingers everywhere, every day. My brother, that guy I know nothing about, lives in their haunting memories I am not allowed to share.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Chautona — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 02:51:49 +0100

I agree with showing vs. telling in writing, but when giving a quick once over of the general plot, I don't think telling is out of line... most of the backs of books synopses I've read were more telling than showing.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefflion — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 13:10:53 +0100

KatBrown, Your story sure seems interesting. I like the dystopian vibe without the usual "nuclear war" sort of setting. I lvoe the idea of people turning against each other; to he honest, I do think it's the way things go. I also like the idea of the stranger coming back and calling in Joan's debt. But I don't see it as a retelling of a popular story/event. Maybe I'm just unfamiliar with the original? (Or unable to pick up the clues?)

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefflion — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 13:14:25 +0100

MarcyT, At first I thought Jacob was a teen so when his daughter showed up I though this was a fantasy story. But it's just because we're in the YA section. Your description is vague, but I don't mind it. I'd sure like to see how a bookworm, a biologist and a pickpocket fit into the story. PS- Oh, and I love your avatar!

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefflion — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 13:17:46 +0100

vmullen, I think the line that hooked me was "Bandersnatches and their ilk wait to tear you into tiny little pieces." You have a very interesting story here, so weird, sinister, explosive, random, crazy like an acid trip sort of story that I'd definitely want to learn more about it. Don't get me wrong, I have no idea what to expect, but I'd definitely read it to find out. It's one of those things that you either love or dislike, and I'd sure want to find out which one it is with your story.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefflion — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 13:25:10 +0100

I love the idea of a retelling of Pandora's Box. It's interesting enough to catch people's interest and since I majored in the archaeology of Ancient Greece, yes, you can say I'm interested in this sort of retelling. The only problem I have here is that she opens the box after catching her boyfriend cheating on her. Ok, she's a teen, but it just doesn't seem like a good enough of a reason. I mean, I'm sure more serious things had happened in the past to the other Pandoras and they resisted. If this is an important plot point, then keep it; otherwise, try to think of something more serious to make her open the box. Don't get me wrong, I like the story, and it has a great potential (especially if you want to show how people start to change under the influence of hopelessness).

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefflion — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 13:30:03 +0100

I like the atmosphere of the story and, unlike Lempicka, I like that the old guy is a misogynist. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't like misogynists, but I think this might be an interesting character and it makes us learn more about your world: that a female student is not a regular thing. What you provided here is (I guess, intentionally) too vague, but I'd definitely read it to see what's going on, because I really loved the atmosphere of the story.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefflion — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 13:36:25 +0100

I like the name of your MC and the atmosphere of the novel. I guess I don't need anything more than the last line ("A historical fantasy story set in 19th century Victorian London, inspired by various Faustian works and adaptations.") to make me interested in this novel.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefflion — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 13:42:20 +0100

I like the retelligns of classical fairytales (with a twist). I'm into folklore and I know the way these stories are shaped is complex, and quite different than what kids hear today (think about Red Riding Hood, for example). I like that your female protagonist needs to save her guy.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefflion — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 13:45:13 +0100

I love this one. The first thing that got me interested is that the grandfather is the author of a popular fantasy series (this thing alone is interesting in its own right). Another thing that I loved is that things are different than the granpa described. I think that's how goes in life, so I'd love to read your story.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefflion — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 13:48:00 +0100

I love your title! (Don't change it). The premise is interesting, but I don't really understand what makes your world the way it is. (What does "Society is encouraged to have low opinions of themselves" really means?) But I love the idea of the prison-guard system.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

hitman2097 — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 13:55:43 +0100

Oh wow, this thread got big quickly – it was much smaller the other night! I’ll do this page for those who’ve given feedback to others, how about that? Bikegirl115 – I think the setting is very refreshing, plus I HAVE made out with someone in the practice room so I am apparently the idea audience :p I really like the idea of a band setting because I’m a music nerd myself and your characters sound diverse. I’d read it. MarcyT - I love a bit of intrigue and it sounds like your story has it in droves. I admit I’m interested to see if you can successfully create a YA novel with an adult protagonist, but thinking about it, I don’t see why not. The secondary cast are quite clearly all young adults and perhaps the perspective change will be refreshing. You sound like you’ve planned out an interesting web for the reader to unravel and that interests me greatly. Would read. WrittenWord – I think it’s probably going to appeal to younger people more so than myself (I’m 25), and perhaps because I’m from overseas it doesn’t grab my attention as much as it might an American. That’s not to say that it couldn’t be excellent – especially to see how the sudden shift in perspective plays out. I’m a big fan of people thinking they’ve got problems only to find out that there are MUCH worse things that could, and do, happen. Probably wouldn’t read but would buy it as a gift for a younger friend :-p The Nerdy Geek – I, too, am a sucker for time travel stories. I like the sense of style in your synopsis, too. You sound like somebody who knows how to construct a suspenseful story, as well as someone who understands the raw potential for humour in time travel stories. I suspect you’ll run in to the usual crowd who, no matter how carefully and simply explained, just CANNOT GET THEIR HEADS around the idea of non-linear timelines, but ignore them :-p I’d read this for sure. I might be concerned that her coincidental finding of the watch and her being a manipulator seems a bit too much like providence, but then again you most likely have this covered. I imagine Vera Mattel has made sure that the watch will find its way to Cora ;) Jefflion – I think this book would probably appeal more to someone who was slightly interested in theatre or had been part of the drama department at their school. Which, let’s face it, is a lot of young adult readers :p Not me, though, unfortunately. Did you do the ‘my parents don’t care what I do’ as both a good and a bad thing on purpose? I suspect you did though it’s not entirely clear. I think the premise has a lot of potential, even though the setting and drama would probably pass me by. Good luck! And now, mine. Mission March 2039. If he weren’t running forty minutes late for school, Hamish Taylor might have noticed that the scribbled note from his mother was the first clue she’d been killed during the night. ‘Mission: Don’t stop asking questions. It’s better to admit you don’t know than to believe a lie. I love you.’ Officially ruled a suicide, Hamish takes his mother’s parting advice to heart and pushes to find the real explanation behind her death. After some digging, he discovers that his mother was secretly leading a double life – one as his working single mother, the other as an informant for a clandestine, underground organisation that believes a conspiracy is engineering an obedient society. With the help of a mysterious new friend named ‘Mephesto’ and some cutting-edge gadgets that look like tattoos but behave like weapons, he discovers that his mother was killed for unearthing too much on the conspiracy. But what did she discover? Was she killed for confirming the conspiracy...or for debunking it? On his quest to discover the truth, Hamish will have to break the law, fight armed men, deal with an identity that’s changing too fast for him to keep up, and come to grips with his poorly timed romantic feelings for two people: the girl from a life he has left behind, or the exciting but dangerous boy from the life he’s been thrust in to. All he knows for sure is that nothing will be the same. He can never be Hamish Taylor again. Until death or murder take him, he will be Mission.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

hitman2097 — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 13:59:22 +0100

I agree here - I think with a synopsis in a thread like this, telling is more than acceptable. If you're showing-not-telling even in the synopsis, you're a far better writer than most professional authors. Storytelling conventions don't apply to ALL writing, just to that which tells a story.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

MissAngelAdorer — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 15:03:51 +0100

Though I"ve posted my novel synopsis on my page . . . why not? Now I can at least find out if this will be the epic failure I predict. Summary: My name's Eloise Lynn Malcolm. I'm a fifteen-year-old girl who always felt that real life was something that you need an escape from. But don't we all? We all love that place in the world where we can get away from the stress, the troubles, and the hardship of the real world, before we "wake up," metaphorically or literally and go back to our often boring and uninteresting lives. That's what I wanted. I had that. It was fine, too, until it became real. End summary. So, is it terrible? It probably is. I"ve had this idea on again off again for the better part of a year, so I decided I might as well get it out of the way so I can finish my other two novels I'm working on.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefflion — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 16:55:16 +0100

Yes, the "my parents don't care" is supposed to be both good and a bad thing. But thanks for pointing something else out. While my story is, obviously, about these kids doing the school play, it's not the most important thing in the book. It's more of a setting, or a background, and while I'm going to describe their rehearsals and what not, it's not going to make the most of the plot. I'll focus more on the personal relations in the group (friendship (particularly male/female one), romance, jealousy, etc.), as well as Asperger's syndrome and what is like to live with it (without knowing you have it), or my MC's family situation and the whole dead brother thing. So I might seriously consider downplaying the theater part in my future synopsis because, at the end, it's not really about the drama club but the other, more universal things. About yours: I loved the line "Don’t stop asking questions. It’s better to admit you don’t know than to believe a lie." I don't know if you intend it to be a plot point or just a general truth, but I agree with it. I also like the conspiracy and the mission thing, even though it's vague in the description. The only thing I'd add is Hamish's age (unless it's important plot point).

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefflion — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 17:00:43 +0100

Your synopsis isn't "terrible", but it's too vague. We don't get any hint about what kind of a story that is (realistic? urban fantasy? paranormal romance?) While I don't mind it personally, people usually need more to decide whether they want to read the book or not. I didn't mind the synopsis being vague, though. The only thing I disliked was the use of first person plural "we all love that place in the world..." Unless it's a plot point (or unusual narration- the Virgin Suicides, for example), I don't like this sort of generalizations, because they usually make me go: "no, wrong, we don't all like/want these things!" Now, this is entirely my personal remark' many people don't mind first person plural at all. So it's more of my pet peeve than a real problem.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefflion — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 17:03:36 +0100

I love the idea of your MC keeping a political diary in haiku. I also think it's interesting to have such a young character who's seriously interested in politics.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

rebel_cheese — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 17:06:48 +0100

I'd love it to be a bit less vague. Right now, there's no real description other than something about an "escape becoming too real" for Eloise. Try to write it out a little more and add a little oomph to it, because right now, there's nothing that screams "must-read". I'm trying to decide between two novels right now, might as well post them both. These are not official summaries, I will write an official one once I decide which one to use: 1. Brittany Morgan wakes up in a hospital surrounded by her family, haunted by her last memory of a pickup truck bearing down on her little brother and her pushing him out of the way at lethal cost to herself. She remembers the brief moments of intense pain following being run over . . . but why she still alive with scarcely a bruise? Quickly, she develops nervous tics, an out-of-character explosive temper, and soon lights begin flickering when she enters and leaves rooms and impossible, supernatural acts occur around her. Then, it is revealed to her: she has been brought back to life by black magic and now she and her family are being hunted by a secretive order who find people like Brittany abominations. Now Brittany must protect her family without dying all over again . . . and without losing her sanity. 2. It is World War III, and the United States has been invaded by a Chinese-Russian alliance. Alyssa Morgan, an oboe prodigy, has wound up becoming one of the best snipers in the ruins of Chicago, her most recent kill being her greatest: none other than the commander of a Chinese division. But now, she receives a new mission: a Russian special-ops team lead by a brutal general may be preparing a horrific biological attack on the US forces fighting in Chicago . . . a variant of the Ebola virus. Now she and a small team must get behind enemy lines and murder the general before there are no US forces left to hold the city . . . while dodging attacks from an elite Russian sniper described only as "super-human" . . . I'm trying to decide between the two right now. The 1st one would be the easier sell to agents and publishers, probably, but the 2nd would be a lot easier for me to write, so . . . XD

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefflion — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 17:08:33 +0100

I commented on the first page, but since you expanded your synopsis, let me comment again. I'm an archaeologist, so you bet I'd be interested in this. I understand archaeology isn't really important here (is it?) but it's something that would make me interested. The only potential problem I see here is that it doesn't really sounds like a YA novel. It doesn't mean teens wouldn't be interested in it, but since the protagonist is an "old" guy, I don't think this would be categorized as YA. I'm aware one of the main characters is a teen, but from what I can tell, you don't tell the story from her POV.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefflion — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 17:12:44 +0100

I like the idea of a seemingly "perfect town" and people who shake things up. That's enough for me. However, keep in mind that "the truth" they find has to be shocking/exceptionally important/mind blowing, or you're risking on disappointing the readers. (Now, don't get me wrong; I'm sure it is mind blowing).

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefflion — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 17:15:37 +0100

I like this because it sounds like one of those stories about culture shock, which always fun to read. And I'd sure love to read more about the karaoke singing Dean.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

MissAngelAdorer — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 17:19:25 +0100

Thanks for the feedback. I did think it was too vague but I'm still working out the details myself, though I do know how it ends. That's mostly it. And yeah, the first personal plural was my way of showing that Eloise is kind of self-centered, as that's one of the main themes of the story. Would something like this be better? "I was just a normal girl who had her own problems, her own dreams, but the world always consumed me, troubled me. I liked to escape from that. And I liked it. But then it started being a reality. My own little world that I'd escaped to since I was a little girl, bits and pieces started showing up in my life, before I was there. Really there. It was great. But that was before I was told, 'Oh, you're more than welcome to stay. But if you do, you will be here, forever, and in your real world as you call it, you will no longer exist for all of eternity.' Talk about be careful what you wish for . . . My name's Eloise Lynn Malcom (E.L.M) and this is my story." Oh, and rebel, they both sound good, but I'm more interested in the first personally.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefflion — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 17:22:06 +0100

I generally like the "crazy" setting ideas, as well as mixing together things that usually don't go together (Ancient Greece and cell phones). This time, as far as I can tell, it's not about Greek gods living in present world, but about a unique setting. I like that. The only thing I find strange is that the society that mimics Ancient Greece is not democratic, since the Greeks were the ones who invented democracy. (Sure, it goes for certain cities only). Still, what I'd find more exciting is to see the society adopting the Ancient Greek type of democracy. NOW that would be interesting to read. Now, the Hannah walking in other people's shoes thing was a bit confusing. So, she can read people's minds, and for the first time, people don't find that strange, right? But what does any of that have to do with the setting? Give us some hints!

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefflion — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 17:25:59 +0100

I love the band stories!!!! (Ok, I'm try to calm down). I love the band stories (or any other club stories), and it's obvious you have some experience in it. I'd love to read about it, even though I'm 100% talentless/clueless when it comes to performing music. The part about making out in a practice room and second lunch is perfect, so you should keep it if you ever want to pitch this novel to agents. I'd polish the middle part a bit: while it's obviously important to learn about your characters, you should share more about the plot itself.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Willow. — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 17:29:29 +0100

That's a sure reason for them to get along and....I'm so curious now about this, I want to read it to find out what happens. I can say that if I was in a book store, picked up this book, I'd definitely buy it. Keep up with it, it's great! I think that's a great way to find inspiration in the situations around you. I hope that maybe someday you will be able to trust her because from the way it sounds, you guys'll be seeing a lot of each other :D

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefflion — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 17:32:23 +0100

Well, since I'm an Eastern European, I must say I'm not really into the "Russians/Chinese/whoever = bad guys, Americans = good guys". So I do like the first one much better. And, regardless of personal sentiments, the second one is more cliched (at least it seems so). The first one has that "crazy" thing about it and I'd just love to read it only to find out what's going on.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

rebel_cheese — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 17:49:13 +0100

Well, in the second one, I have it in the world history that the United States started it by launching a pre-emptive attack on China when the USA received intelligence that the Chinese were going to strike Taiwan It's stated that the Americans found out, too late, that China was only saber-rattling and weren't seriously planning on fighting. So basically the USA caused its own invasion. However, you did get to the heart of my concern for the latter story. Even though it's not a jingoistic story, it's more of a sad one. There's a reason why, when it suddenly came to me to make Alyssa a musical prodigy, to give her an oboe. She plays it a few times, including Poulenc's Sonata for Oboe and Piano Op.185 I. Elegie: Paisiblement and Ennio Morricone's "Gabriel's Oboe" (which you can listen to here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jmax47l2hLU). And the Russian general has a pragmatic reason for wanting to use biological warfare (which is without his superiors' knowledge): the invading forces are becoming stretched and everyone is fearful of Chicago becoming the 21st Century's Stalingrad. But i'm afraid that the mere setup is considered jingoistic these days which makes it a hard, if not impossible, sell right off the bat so I am leaning towards the first story right now.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

rebel_cheese — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 17:53:48 +0100

It's a better synopsis, you just need to get the details in a more flowing order. It's a bit awkward, but, like you said, you're still working on it. In my case, I've pretty much worked everything out in both to a degree (including both endings) it's just deciding what to do. Though I'm not completely sold on either storyline's villains or elements on either plot to a degree so I'm still deciding what to keep and what to change and what to throw out completely.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefflion — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 18:10:34 +0100

Sorry, I didn't mean to preach or to give you the "you, evil American!" speech. Sorry if it turned out to be that way. I meant to say I'm prejudiced towards stories of US fighting Russians/whoever and the war on the American territory. It's just overused in movies, and, not being an American, I have a hard time identifying with the American characters. (That's what I meant Americans = good, others = bad). I guess this story has a potential, so don't listen to me; I just think it seems like a premise for an action movie, which is not something I'm interested in, regardless of the Americans, Russians, etc. I am sure the story is original (I can sense it in the main character- I'd love to learn more about her!) But you focused too much on the war/action part of the plot, which is not my thing. Again, totally subjective. So, if your story isn't really about it, I'd be more interested, especially since I'm intrigued about the main character. And I thought "jingoistic" stories were in. (?)

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefflion — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 18:13:53 +0100

I suck with titles (I either have them or not), so I can't help you here. Then again, I fail to see what's so horrible about your current title. Maybe you feel it doesn't go well with the novel? I like the prophetic dreams and your MC sounds like an interesting characters. The whole description of the world is too vague, though. I'd love to have a hint of what's going on and what's important for her world.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefflion — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 18:15:35 +0100

It's an interesting premise, though I can't tell the genre: is it supposed to be fantasy, or metaphoric? And I love the last line! Definitely makes you want to learn more.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefflion — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 18:17:41 +0100

I adore animals and I'd definitely read this one. The plot seems a bit simple, but I'd love reading about Pebblehoof (and I'm 30!).

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefflion — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 18:23:09 +0100

The premise is very intriguing (any story leaving kids o their own is sure interesting) and I'd definitely read it. I like that you spared both kids and teens, which opens many possibilities for character development, relations and drama. I also like the idea of "aliens did it for to experiment", but make sure to hint it right from the start so it won't end up being too random. Oh, and I think powers should be accidental. It just doesn't hit with the experiment. It creates too many variables that you can't control. I think accidental powers make more sense (just find a good explanation of how they accidentally happened).

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefflion — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 18:26:04 +0100

I like retellings of popular stories, so I'd be intrigued. I sure like the idea of a sinister Wonderland. I'd also love to learn more about Winifred.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefflion — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 18:33:50 +0100

It does sound like two different stories, and I guess that's not how you meant them to be. But in a way, it makes me intrigued about the whole thing, because now I just need to know how does the journalism connect to the secret organization thing.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefflion — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 18:37:19 +0100

This seems interesting because the whole setting is fantasy, but characters face some realistic problems and, as far as I can tell, deal with them in a realistic manner. So I'd be intrigued to read more about it.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefflion — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 18:39:36 +0100

I like the first one because I like that kind of realistic stories. The second one... Well, I'm not really into paranormal, but I like the idea of a ticking time bomb magic.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

MissAngelAdorer — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 18:43:50 +0100

You certainly put more thought into yours than I have for mine. I'm considering just throwing it out and writing a fanfiction, but I really like my idea. Yeah, my synopsis comes off horribly awkward. I'm just terrible at summaries, period. I can't do them justice. They always sound either: too lame, or uninteresting; too vague so when people actually read it they're like, "What is it like THIS when you described it as . . . "; or gives away so much plot it's not intriguing anymore, espcially since I'm horrible at plot twists. I throw them into every story I write but it's always obvious, even at the beginning of the whole thing. Sigh. Closest thing to summary that you'd see on a real book's back is on my page under "novel info." That tells you a little more about Eloise and her story. I just wrote it a little while ago after some brainstorming. I'd post it here, but I just posted two summaries of this already. It's redundant by now. Oh, and jefflion: Yours sounds really fascinating. I'd try more realistic fiction but there's too much research involved, and . . . Well, like Eloise, I like escapism in my fiction so it's easier to write about.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefflion — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 18:45:38 +0100

You have an interesting premise and an intriguing subject. There seem to be many stories dealing with cloning, but you managed to come up with an original one. Now, like I mentioned elsewhere, I'm not really into the US vs Eastern Europe thing (to put it mildly), but I like the idea and I like the title so I guess I'd give it a chance.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefflion — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 18:47:05 +0100

What you gave is too vague, but I am intrigued by the girl with the daisy and I can sense something important is going on. I'd just love to learn a bit more about what is it about.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

rebel_cheese — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 18:47:33 +0100

No, you weren't preaching. You basically described in detail why I'm a bit more reserved about the second story and how people could perceive it. The story isn't really a Michael Bay blow 'em up. Tone-wise . . . maybe it's closer to Saints and Soldiers or the Australian series "Tomorrow"? Something that's cerebral and emotional, lonely. And as Alyssa is a sniper, she's not supposed to see action if she does her job right, she sneaks around, takes her shot, and high-tails it out of there. Basically, the only action scenes are a couple of post-shot chases where she's running (and hiding) for her life. Everything else is suspenseful, interspersed with solitary gunshots as she's shot at and she shoots back in various buildings and ruined skyscrapers. The one thing I gave to jingoism is that the Chinese are invaders. I'm frustrated by recent films and games (the Red Dawn remake, Homefront) originally making China the invading force and then backing down from it and doing some convoluted way of making North Korea the invading force which is so unrealistic it's not scary, it's stupid. The way to make such a setup frightening and poignant is that the invading force is believable. Alyssa was supposed to go to Trinity School in New York right before the war started. She achieved 15 minutes of fame by going on America's Got Talent two years before the war started, where she met her boyfriend, a pianist (they were both 12). Originally they were going to be solo acts but they opted to play together last-minute and they made it to the semi-finals. Her boyfriend was killed in the invasion's beginning two and a half years later, and Alyssa, after losing track of her family, wound up getting lost, hooking up with a soldier, and traveled with him for a while behind loose enemy lines. She learned how to shoot as she made her way to Chicago where she's been fighting for six months now as the front lines hardened. So now Alyssa is sixteen, and is haunted by losing a boy she had a great bond with and they loved playing music together. Quite a few times she plays the oboe segments of a few piano & oboe duets and tries to imagine her boyfriend's contributions in her mind. There's also a scene I've outlined in great detail where she plays the afore-mentioned "Gabriel's Oboe", and drives nearby American soldiers insane because the song sounds SO FRICKING SAD AND LONELY with the oboe alone and they start screaming at her and she keeps playing anyway because it's the only way for her to keep composed. So yeah, that's her, the short version. She is a lot more "alive" to me than Brittany right now (heh heh I see what I did there) which is why I'm still considering the second story.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefflion — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 18:48:56 +0100

This sounds like something I'd love to read. I like realistic YA fiction and I'm intrigued to learn what had happened with her mother.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

rebel_cheese — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 18:51:08 +0100

I forgot to mention that anything that sounds jingoistic is difficult to sell if you're a new writer. Most agents disapprove of such things because it looks simplistic and amateurish (not to mention any possible political allegiances). You have to be, well, Michael Bay to sell anything jingoistic in cinema, novels, etc. It's not my intention to write something jingoistic but if the perception's there then that's all that matters and I won't get looked at.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefflion — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 18:51:37 +0100

I'm not into stories about vampires, but I like the atmosphere. As if it's about two real people and their (realistic) problems and not that much about the paranormal aspect.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefflion — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 18:54:05 +0100

I love the oceans and historical fiction (pirates, not that much). But I'd sure love to read this one, because... Mediterranean, history, revenge: what's not to like?

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefflion — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 18:55:44 +0100

I love the "literary fiction" vibe I'm getting here. I would sure love to learn about Nadia and her life.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefflion — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 18:57:53 +0100

At first I thought this wasn't a story for me, but there just seems to be so many interesting things going on so I might give it a chance.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefflion — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 18:59:17 +0100

I love the idea about the same prince charming. I don't remember reading about it.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Willow. — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 19:09:48 +0100

Sorry for the confusing bits, this summary was spur of the moment (though I still have yet to improve my skills in the master art of writing summaries.....I'll get there....hopefully) Anyways, I attempted to rewrite it and maybe it's a little more clear, it's iffy. Thanks for the feedback, now I know what needs to be fixed. I knew something was off, just couldn't quite pinpoint it. Hannah Davis is fifteen, violist with a secret. Her secret, one of many in a world of turmoil. But there's something different about Hannah: she can see the world from anyone's point of view. She walks in their shoes. It's an uncontrollable ability for her to look into another’s eyes and look back into her own. To her, it's nothing but a curse. But could an unfortunate turn of events change her mind? Hannah's time reflects the culture of ancient Greece in a modern setting, bringing back everything from the Oracle to worship of the gods. For as long as anyone could remember, their democracy had stood strong, until an unsuspected rug was pulled out beneath them, giving a destructive monarchy that once lurked in the shadows a chance to gain power. While attending a college prep school for musicians, Hannah is confronted about her secret and is offered an option to rid herself of the monster that she posses. But could she honestly accept it and live with destroying innocent people's lives?

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefflion — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 19:14:28 +0100

It's a great premise and I'd love to read more about your characters, as well as the life Topside.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Willow. — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 19:15:52 +0100

Just from reading that, even if a little rough, I want to know what the dealy-o (dealy-o?) is with this so called "perfection" in the town, so yes I would read it :D Anyways, one thing I'm curious about is how major of a character is Glory? Does he come back after his disappearance? Maybe to be included in the synopsis would be more on the setting, just the location to give the readers a little more insight on building this world in their head. I'm not sure how much fits with what you have but hopefully that helped a little.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefflion — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 19:17:27 +0100

Like I mentioned elsewhere, I like stories that seem to fall under "literary fiction" (in lack of a better word), and this one seems like one. I like the idea of a guy who seems independent/rude to actually want to fit in and make friends.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefflion — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 19:25:31 +0100

I am intrigued by the setup, the whole "the school will make you make smart decisions" and various teams based on colours.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefflion — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 19:28:31 +0100

I like your MC and her world. It's not necessarily the type of story I'd read, but it sure sounds very interesting.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefflion — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 19:29:26 +0100

I love your idea (but I can't help you categorize it- I have no idea if it's considered YA or not. Then again, who cares?) Sounds like something I'd really love to read.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

andreamantis — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 19:29:27 +0100

Thanks for your input! I think I have made this story way too complex - but I'm kind of cheating, because I'm re-writing my novel from last year. It's going to have to end up being two novels, if not three. I'm getting kind of bogged down with all the details, so I'm excited for November so I can just write! Thanks again, and I'll go look for the summary of your novel so I can comment on it!

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefflion — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 19:33:11 +0100

This is definitely something I'd love to read. I am not sure if it's considered YA or not, but then again, I don't think it's important. I'd love to read more about Cate and her ex-boyfriend, as well as more about her life.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

andreamantis — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 19:39:03 +0100

I'm glad you added this comment about your novel, because it tells me so much more about what the story is actually about. I think it sounds like a complex story that has a lot of interesting characters, and I really like that the parents aren't just absent - they have a reason for not caring about what she does - they're not just so immersed in their own careers or whatever. I'm not saying it's okay, of course, for parents to ignore one child because they lost their other child, but I think it's a nice detail that will give you a lot to work with. And the fact that the teacher's a drug addict kind of reminds me of the Ryan Gosling film, Half Nelson. I think that character will be interesting to read (and write!) as well.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefflion — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 19:54:31 +0100

Your info page is better than the synopsis you posted here (well, I know the second one is taken right from the page). It's still too vague, but it;s more intriguing. I actually like the style, now that I think about it. You said the genre is YA fantasy- but there isn't much in the description to point in that direction. This thing alone is intriguing (at least to me). I know many people hate vague descriptions, but I might like this approach more than "in your face" or the "desperately trying to sound funny/witty" and to "find a perfect hook". To be honest, if you ever want to pitch this novel to an agent, you will probably need to think of a different synopsis. But personally, I don't mind the fact it's vague, because I can sense there's something really important (or even, sinister) going on. It means I'd probably read your book just to see what's the big deal. (Or if there is a big deal). Oh, and thanks for commenting on my synopsis! I sure want to hear what others think about it (or my story). I do believe feedback is essential for writing good stories.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefflion — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 19:58:13 +0100

I had no idea it was like that. Then again, the only Michael Bay movie I saw was Pearl Harbor, and only because I was asked to write reviews of Josh Hartnett movies, so it was unavoidable. And it was... horrible, to say the least. You could tell the actors were embarrassed to be there. But I digress. To be honest, I don't think you should care what agents think. The way you described your story, it sure has a potential, and if it's the one you'd prefer to write- just do it. There's no need to write one story if you're actually inspired to write another. You might want to write a different synopsis. Put an emphasis on your main character and the haunting atmosphere of the city and the setting. Focus on this personal aspect of the story rather than the WWIII.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

MissAngelAdorer — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 20:09:09 +0100

As I'm still in high school and learning, I have no intention of sending it to an agent. Maybe not even ten years from now. This is just for fun, no matter how little justice I give to my plotline. And you're right--there is something extremely important going on. The summary's less vague now, but I'm leaving it purposefully so to avoid telling you the whole plot right on the whole thing since I tend to get carried away. Then what's the point? But I'm not sure if this will even work. I don't write in first person much, and the whole thing is similar to my other novel . . . so I'm worried this will seem like "Absence 2.0." Oh, and since you say I didn't reveal enough fantasy on the synopsis, I'll change that. And yeah, I agree that feedback's important. It'll help me improve almost as much as actually writing.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

rebel_cheese — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 21:05:27 +0100

Yeah, I agree, you're right. XD I should really be concentrating on the personal aspects of the story and not the big picture. Alyssa is the protagonist talking to me, not Brittany, and the story's changing shape really quickly because Alyssa is talking to me and showing me her life. I've also been listening to some oboe concertos and the instrument is really beautiful to listen to. ^^ I know I'm going to be writing both Brittany's and Alyssa's stories soon. It's just a question if Alyssa's story or Brittany's story gets written first. But because Alyssa is the one talking to me, it's starting to look like her story will be first.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

rebel_cheese — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 21:07:47 +0100

It wasn't until I was almost done with college before I completed my first novel. It'll come to you with time, just don't give up. ^^ First person is a wonderful perspective to write from. You can get really deep and personal with a character. You can create something amazing and resonant from that perspective and add all these layers of mystery because you're locked in on this one perspective. Never give up and keep trying. I know you can reach 50,000 words. Then you can worry about writing something that's publishable. ^^

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

amayanieva — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 22:09:03 +0100

I'm gonna do what all's on this page.(: bikegirl115: That sounds really good! I love quirky stories like that! The beginning of the synopsis was a little dull, though. Maybe shorten all that to one paragraph and focus on the main part of the plot? Willow: As a book, it sounds alright, but your synopsis seemed confusing. Just spitballing an idea, but maybe she could end up in the shoes of someone in the government? justkate: That sounds pretty interesting (maybe it's because I love summer novels). And Dean already sounds hot. That'sMyLullaby: Sounds good, but it would have to have something interesting and lean away from the dystopian cliches that I've seen a lot for me to read it. MarcyT: It sounds good, but I'd do some refining in the synopsis to make it sound like YA. WrittenWord: Okay, well I love reading things about 9/11, because I was too young to really remember it when it happened, but the image on the news while I was in daycare will always be stuck in my mind. I'd defintely read it, because it's something a lot of us are interested in. As long as it'scresearched and the emotional impact on the narrator is done well, then it will be good. The Nerdy Geek: I wasn't very interested into the last line. It's like... BAM. Now I seriously want to read this and see what it's about, just be sure to avoid cliches! hitman2097: That sounds great- a novel in the future that ISN'T a dystopian (well, yet). I liked everything about it, but I didn't quite understand what the note meant. MissAngelAdoror: The synopsis is too vague for me to really conclude if I would read the book or not, but it was hooking, and written well. rebel_cheese: 1- It sounds good, but the girl honestly sounds like a ghost, not like she came back to life. 2-:O This is the most interesting I've read so far (maybe I'm just a huge sucker for biological warfare...), but make sure you have enough plot to make it a novel. Now for mine: Skysong Iris deGraff had gotten used to the feeling. The annoyance of the feeling of rain dropping onto her body when she was inside, the flutter of leaves on her skin as they tumbled down to the ground, the shock the lightning sent through her body. She had never known what was wrong with her, but it became normality. Every day she seemed more sensitive to the weather outside, and every day she felt more of a pull to the earth than before. The mystery is suddenly uncovered when four boys show up in her room one night, and she is taken to a new home in the middle of nowhere. The purpose was for her to adjust, to learn to control her rare power. Although, war has broken out by those who want the four kids who are supposed, by fate, to have Iris’s power, and she finds herself right in the middle of it all. Through her journey to silence and peace, she’ll find that the sky will always be singing, and no matter how hard she tries, its song is always too loud to ignore.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefflion — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 22:21:47 +0100

It's sure interesting and it makes you want to learn more about her power and the whole idea behind it. (Who is she? WHAT is she?) I'm just not sure how the last paragraph fits into the rest of it (but I guess it was intentional).

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

amayanieva — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 22:40:55 +0100

Thanks for pointing that out! I didn't make it clear enough in the first two that her power never allows her to have peace and silence.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

takecare — Sun, 16 Oct 2011 01:38:31 +0100

:D I'm glad you like that line. ^_^ I figured it made sense considering everything and I wanted it to be a sort of learning process for Alice. And as for which sort of fairytales I'm pulling from - Alice in Wonderland, is the most obvious :P But definately several of the mentioned fairytales in the sypnosis and some background research is in order to find some of the uh, slightly darker versions of the stories. ^^ But not too dark.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

takecare — Sun, 16 Oct 2011 01:39:42 +0100

Quite a few people seem to like the idea of the re-telling of the fairytales. I just hope I can do it well now XD On the other side of things, I liked that idea too :) Which is probably why I decided to do it. And Winifred is busy fleshing herself out in my mind too. :D

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

rebel_cheese — Sun, 16 Oct 2011 01:42:39 +0100

This is an interesting setup, I agree with jefflion! Iris sounds like an intriguing protagonist. Oddly enough, I hope there's enough plot in YOUR story to make it a novel. XD I have posted a redone synopsis on novel 2. Still haven't fully made up my mind (and I hate the working title) but it's something right now: http://www.nanowrimo.org/en/participants/rebel_cheese/novels/shattered-mirror

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

takecare — Sun, 16 Oct 2011 01:45:40 +0100

I'm torn between having her views about fairytales not change and completely changing, although the reasons will definately change :) And it's important for her because although the sort of premise is about fairytales, it's like a learning curve for her. :D But definately. With 50, 000 words to write, plots will be around in Underland, for sure. I've never read the Grimm Sisters series before, a good read, I'm guessing :D? Winifred is definately a part of both ^_^ For sure. I'm not entirely sure as to whether Underland continues on, or whether she should wake up in the middle and have returns to "reality" :) I'm tempted to have her continue on in Underland with "reality" at the start and end simply because it'd make it more confusing for her and she'd have to learn to grasp onto the new environment. @WillowViraBaker's summary This sounds interesting! :D I love the idea of the letters; and it sounds really sweet. Do they ever meet then? In the middle or at the end? And I'm curious about the way this world works too - whether everyone's a witch or wizard or whichever. ^_^

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

takecare — Sun, 16 Oct 2011 01:48:53 +0100

How did this happen? That's a good question. I have a few ideas floating about, but nothing concrete at the moment. She may just be one of those children who didn't see the point but I'm tempted for her to have some specific reason for disliking fairytales, probably to do with an event in her own life. And your story sounds awesome. :D I haven't read all that many pirate stories, I'll admit, but the plotting sounds amazing ^_^

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

kitandkat — Sun, 16 Oct 2011 01:55:24 +0100

@Jefflion - I'm thinking maybe when I'm done, I'll end up breaking it up into two books. One would be more of my original plan for it, which was set more squarely in YA (age 18-20, the college part is still iffy, though?), and then the sequel would be later. I feel like that might help categorize it? I figured I'd just write it all together first, though. I kept it in YA more because that was the original plan, and the coming-of-age themes, but I don't know either. @Willow - my mom is going wedding dress shopping with her, so I feel like we should become friends again just to get over how awkward that is, lol... I'm definitely going to make an effort to emphasize the awkwardness I feel in that relationship in the novel. Anyway, thank you both for your interest! It's really encouraging :)

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

rebel_cheese — Sun, 16 Oct 2011 02:07:36 +0100

You know what, I'm just gonna post it. Link's dead now that I changed the title already. XD What you are and what you could have been is something that can't change, no matter how badly you want it to. Alyssa Morgan was an oboe prodigy as a child, playing in concerts as a soloist in orchestras, even making it far in America's Got Talent one year. Now, at sixteen, she prowls the ruins of Chicago on the front lines of a never-ending war the United States brought on itself, as Chinese and Russian forces, despite deep strain and resentment between both countries, have allied to not only knock the United States out of the Pacific Ocean, but have taken the fight deep into American soil. Separated from her family, and a witness to her pianist boyfriend being killed early in the invasion, Alyssa isn't driven so much by revenge as it is a desire to live on for those she lost. She has become an elite sniper, and between missions, she still plays her oboe, sometimes for others' entertainment, sometimes just for her own peace and sanity, and sometimes just to remember her old life. Her last successful kill has made her a target, just as she is assigned a new mission to kill a Russian general rumored to be preparing a horrific biological virus in an effort to kill all resistance in Chicago. But, just as she takes on this mission, she becomes aware the Russians are now hunting her with a sniper whose skills are considered super-human. Through the twisted corridors and broken skyscrapers, Alyssa must navigate Chicago's metallic maze where one wrong step means breaking glass or kicking a brick and everyone knows your position. This is not a battle of good and evil, or victory and defeat. It is just for the right to play one more time.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

myyearinlists — Sun, 16 Oct 2011 04:13:40 +0100

Oh, I totally get the ambivalence toward Eastern Europe as a villain. But I'm Russian-American - my dad was born and raised in St. Petersburg and I grew up speaking the language and knowing all the customs - so it's a natural fit for me. It could be translated to any other area in the world, but I wanted to avoid the pitfalls that sometimes come with writing outside your culture. Don't worry, I'm not in it just to villainize the former Eastern Bloc; the US actually comes off equally terribly. It's a science-versus-ignorance tale at heart.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

WillowViraBaker — Sun, 16 Oct 2011 05:00:24 +0100

I think both possibilities of her returning to "reality" or just continuing on are appealing. If she returned to "reality" it could become confusing, but it could also give her a false sense of safety before you whoosh her back off to Underland. Either way, I would definitely read. I never finished the Grimm Sisters mainly because I grew out of them before the next books came out. But they were pretty good; definitely something to look at for inspiration. Yup, they're going to meet in the middle, or at least the girl is going to see the wizard but not approach him. And they're definitely going to have to meet at the end. Ah, my world is basically a modern version of the fairytale world (the Victorian version of fairytales). So there are all sorts of other creatures. But, yes there are humans besides the witches and wizards. Magic has become such a normal thing, that everyone is relient upon it, and the witches and wizards work in the magical positions, and the humans in the normal ones. So there are community witches who provide spells for everyone for a price, and wizards who teach at the Royal University. They just create the spells and make the magical objects that everyone can use. I'm trying to keep everyone as an equal, pretty much, instead of one race hacing the upperhand over the other. Everyone has their place and each race has it's own jobs based on it's fortes.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

MarcyT — Sun, 16 Oct 2011 12:57:38 +0100

@RebelCheese: Your summary really drew me in. It wasn't until about halfway in that I realized I was leaning near my screen and almost biting my fingernails. I love the main character. It seems almost like there's two Alyssas--the one of the innocent past and the one of the dangerous present. Alyssa seems like a complex and fascinating character. Also, the set up of the story, an invasion of the U.S. sounds interesting. The last line is really cool. Here's my summary for my other novel: Mercagea Trilogy Book Three: The Victor Derick de’Liraan was not prepared to take the throne, nor did he want it. All his life, he expected his older brother Cael to become king. However, due to Cael’s hot temper, Derick’s father made him the heir to the throne. Derick was not particularly happy about that arrangement. Cael was furious. A year earlier, Cael attempted to take the throne, killing their father and trying to kill Derick, before he was defeated and escaped. Now, he is back. Meanwhile, as the country teeters on the edge of civil war between the two brothers, Derick has other things to worry about, with Royce de’Blanc, the son of the man Derick’s father ousted for the throne years earlier, a rebel leader, and the brother of the girl Derick is in love with. As the civil war heats up, Derick finds that his enemies are many, his friends are few, and his country is full of traitors. Meanwhile, Royce de’Blanc has his own problems. He believes his sister and his best friend have betrayed him, he is falling in love with a royal spy, and he is stuck with Cael de’Liraans six-year-old son. Three men--Derick de’Liraan, Royce de’Blanc, and Cael de’Liraan--are determined to have Mercagea. None of them appear ready to back down. Who will win and become the Victor?

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

dolphinherovamp5 — Sun, 16 Oct 2011 15:15:17 +0100

Ha-ha. Sorry. I'm just trying to avoid giving it all away. Plus, I wanted to give it a mysterious feeling. This is why I wasn't meant to write synopses. Only the stories that go along with them. XD

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefflion — Sun, 16 Oct 2011 15:46:31 +0100

No, it's ok. What I'm trying to say is that you got me interested in it. I guess I don't mind when a synopsis is a bit vague.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefflion — Sun, 16 Oct 2011 15:52:38 +0100

It's sure a very intriguing subject. I think the synopsis gives us an idea about both East and the West being "bad" (well, not really bad, but corrupted), and we can sense that your characters will just have to overcome all those bad things and fight for themselves. (At least that's what I'm getting). What I liked about the story is that it sounds like there's a big personal element in it. It's always good when you're writing about cloning, dystopia, etc. The human and personal element is often missing from those stories. And I also really like your title!

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefflion — Sun, 16 Oct 2011 15:58:29 +0100

Well, we won't tell anyone about the cheating! ;) Being enthusiastic about your story is important.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

lizo27 — Sun, 16 Oct 2011 23:15:53 +0100

Sounds interesting--I'd read, just to see what happened, even though I kind of hate Cain-and-Abel type stories (bums me out to see brothers kill each other). Mostly, I'd want to see what happened to Royce, and with Derick's romance. Here's mine: Eire has been under the rule of the kingdom of Albion for two hundred years. A group known as the Freedom Army of Eire (F.A.E.) has turned in secret to the old art of Bargaining--banned by Albion law and stamped out by the Knight Templars' purge over a century before--to draw magic from the Fair Folk to aid them in a war of independence. The Cullen sisters were born to a Bargainer, and after her death, they begin to show signs that they can perform blood magic--magic without a Bargain. After Britomart bends a pair of scissors with her mind, and Belphoebe begins seeing creatures no one else can see, a man named Donegal Carey makes them offer: his protection, in exchange for the use of their talents. Now Brit and Bel are in the service of the F.A.E., and it remains to be seen how effective Mr. Carey's promise of protection will be in the face of the government of Eire, the king of Albion, an absurdly determined Knight Templar, and--worst of all--the Fair Folk themselves.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefflion — Sun, 16 Oct 2011 23:28:58 +0100

There are some interesting things going on in your story; it seems like there are a lot of things going on, which is a good thing in stories like this. The names Albion and Eire are too obvious, though. I guess it's intentional, so it makes me see the story as a political allegory rather than a fantasy. Still it makes me think of the connections with the real life events.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

lizo27 — Sun, 16 Oct 2011 23:35:21 +0100

Well, it is meant to be a political allegory, although a very loose one. The spark of the idea was imagining a sort of alternate- or parallel-universe Ireland where the Fair Folk are real and play a part in the rebellion. It's not intended to be an exact allegory, though, and I certainly see it playing out in a very different way from the real-world political drama.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefflion — Sun, 16 Oct 2011 23:37:34 +0100

I see. Makes sense now (I was unsure whether you meant it as a retelling of some specific events, or more as a setting/background). In any case, it's interesting.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

A.Rose — Mon, 17 Oct 2011 00:04:39 +0100

@lizo27 - I would read it! I like new twists on old things. I would be very interesting to see where you take things! Although - my only question is - if the sisters have magical powers, why do they need someone else to protect them? Well, I'm sure it would make sense in the actual novel :) Here's mine: Jay is a demon (they look human -- he is specifically a temptation demon (title subject to change)). It is his job to live on earth and lure people into committing sins. His boss will send him an assignment (a persons name) and he has to corrupt them --- but the people have to be manipulated to do the things from their own free will. Problem is, he really sucks at his job. Now he has a new boss and she's out to get him. She gives Jay an assignment (her name is Devon) that she knows is above his rank. (There is a whole demon system/hierarchy going on that I won't get into.) Jay has an opportunity to succeed in his job with Devon, but she tells him something that makes him start to feel sympathy for her and he stops. (The lower their rank, the more humanity the demon still has.) From then on its a roller coaster of feelings between them, and Jay's need to complete his assignment. (The new boss gives him some pretty big consequences if he fails.) Jay's (pretend-in-the-human-world-but-really-just-a-higher-ranking-tempation-demon) brother ends up helping Jay out and they go on the run, taking Devon with them. It all ends with blood, a hospital, and a note with a load of money.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefflion — Mon, 17 Oct 2011 12:51:59 +0100

Retellings are good because they allow you to challenge people's views about a story and let you explore it from different angles.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefflion — Mon, 17 Oct 2011 12:56:33 +0100

To be honest, I'm a bit confused with the whole YA category. I don't really get it: what goes in it and what doesn't. It's true college age protagonists are on the edge of being considered YA. But I also think writing a good story is more important than the categorization. It's better to write how you feel it than to think about whether it's YA or not.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefflion — Mon, 17 Oct 2011 13:00:13 +0100

Oh, yes, much better. Not that there's was something wrong with the previous one, but I think it reflects your story better.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefflion — Mon, 17 Oct 2011 13:08:31 +0100

Thanks for commenting! I am still unsure how to present my story, because it's more character-driven than plot-driven, and it's one of those stories about people's lives and important things somehow happen in the background. When I chose to tell my synopsis from my character's POV, I had to emphasis the stuff that's important to her at this moment (her directing this play, the guy she likes, etc.) and not the other stuff. And yes, parents are important in my story, even if they're absent/care about other things. Maybe you can say it's a story about the way bad things (or just unusual things, like being authistic) shape people's experience. But I'll do my best not to make it in a patronizing "oooh, look what they've been through!" sort of way, but in a "wait, there's something unusual about this?" way. Because, seriously, when you're growing up with thing like that (be it bad things: a death in your family, being adopted, a parent with a drug problem, etc, or generally things that society still considers "out of norm", even though they're good or neutral: not being heterosexual, able bodied, etc.), when you're growing up with things like that, it's the only life you know, and these things make you who you are.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefflion — Mon, 17 Oct 2011 13:11:25 +0100

I like your general idea. It's interesting and fresh enough. However, as a synopsis, it's a bit confusing. (Though I understand you didn't mean it to be an actual synopsis).

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

A.Rose — Mon, 17 Oct 2011 14:20:36 +0100

Thanks! lol - yeah, definitely not an actual synopsis. I haven't written that yet... :-/

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Kamikaze Mission — Mon, 17 Oct 2011 15:43:02 +0100

I actually kind of like the more obvious naming convention - I think in some situations it comes off as contrived, but for something like this the parallels can help conjure some familiarity for readers and really help to set the scene. Plus, I have a real soft spot for Irish history, and going by the summary alone, it's the sort of blend of pseudo-history and fantasy that I'd be all over.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Wesa Ada — Mon, 17 Oct 2011 15:51:14 +0100

Ooo, such a good idea! I'll have to go back through and read other people's synopses! For now, here's mine: Working Title: After Thursday It's a story about two girls, one who introduces herself as Thursday Croskey, and the other who's name is Jessica Thompson. The problem is that they are, in fact, the very same person. Jessica, which is her given name, has split herself into two different people, with Thursday being this amazing and adventurous girl and Jessica being a quiet bookworm who enjoys time alone in her quiet apartment with her cat. It's not that she has a mental disorder, it's simply the way that she has preferred to compartmentalize her life. She allows herself to be noticed and adventurous as Thursday, but is able to slip back into a wallflower persona when being Jessica. But one day, a boy falls in love with her in a bookstore while she is being Jessica, and her separate realities begin to fall apart. The story will deal with how the boy feels about her separate identities, and both of them trying together to create a singular persona for her and whether or not she truly wants one.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Wesa Ada — Mon, 17 Oct 2011 15:55:56 +0100

Oh, I would certainly read that! And I'm afraid that I don't even know what Irish history you are referring to. ^^; I'll just go ahead and blame the dreadful history classes that I went through, we barely ever touched on other countries. But it sounds like an interesting concept in and of itself, and I can't help but wonder if the Fair Folk are angry that the two girls are able to use magical power without their help and why.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Wesa Ada — Mon, 17 Oct 2011 16:01:55 +0100

I think that sounds like an interesting story. :) Unfortunately, I was never in band, so I'm not sure how much of the story I would really "get" so to speak. But I have always loved character driven plots! With the right cast, I'm sure you could have me reading and relating to things far more foreign than band.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Kamikaze Mission — Mon, 17 Oct 2011 16:04:20 +0100

I almost always write YA, but this is pretty much the first year I'm writing something not-fantasy YA. It's supposed to be a coming of age story based very loosely on the story of Samson and Delilah, set in a made up town on the east coast. Synopsis: Sixteen year old Jake Donahue is a star athlete with a penchant for mischief. But when a prank gone wrong lands him working stage crew for a school play instead of starting quarterback, his life is turned upside down, not least of all because lead actress Delilah O'Malley has taken a shining to him. Despite her reputation of being bad news and warnings from his best friend's first-hand experience, Jake can't seem to stay away. Too bad Delilah's idea of a story book ending isn't happily ever after. Delilah's family, members of an extreme religious cult with some dangerous practices, is forcing her into a mold she instinctively knows she doesn't want to fit. As she struggles with the urge to bring someone down with her, Jake will be forced to face the reality of what's really important to him, possibly a little too late.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefflion — Mon, 17 Oct 2011 16:07:15 +0100

It's interesting, especially since you don't want to go with the multiple personality/dissociative identity disorder. I think it opens numerous possibilities for drama, plot and character development.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefflion — Mon, 17 Oct 2011 16:10:07 +0100

I'm a sucker for coming of age stories! Also, I'm interested in the Samson and Delilah references. Plus, there's a school play, so: I'm in.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Kamikaze Mission — Mon, 17 Oct 2011 16:10:15 +0100

This sounds like it could be a very interesting read - I love the idea of the compartmentalized life and struggling with whether or not she even wants the separate identities merged.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Lynnielois — Mon, 17 Oct 2011 22:10:25 +0100

Mine is about Cellular memory, IE, someone gets a heart transplant from an organ donor and then they have things they suddenly love that the organ donor used to love, sometimes that they used to hate. Sometimes it's music or art, ETC. So, back to my plot. Caileigh Leann Griffin has always been annoyed by Jonathon Freeman. Everything about him has always irked her, especially his bad boy reputation and sarcastic, could care less attitude. One day, she gets incredible news, though. A teenager at a neighboring school was in a car accident, which means that she can have a heart transplant. She wakes up feeling as good as new, a little bit sore, but as good as new. Slowly, though, she finds that a few things are off. She suddenly loves sushi, she hates pop music. But most importantly, her heart, or, rather, Marjorie's heart, nearly jumps out of her chest when she sees Jon. Caileigh must learn how to cope with her now-turned-around life. One without a heart murmur, one with two sets of 'parents' who want to help take care of and raise her, and one with a strange attraction for a boy she knows she used to despise. As she learns more about Marjorie, and her new self, she begins to realize that no matter how much she changes, there are a few things that will never change, and some that haven't really changed at all. What do you think?

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefflion — Mon, 17 Oct 2011 22:27:19 +0100

I like the idea behind this, especially since we get to learn about the dead girls' personality and who she were. So it seems like she's another character. What I'm not sure I like is using this premise in a love context. I don't mind her liking Jon now, but I wouldn't want it to be the most important thing in the novel. (But this is just me; I'm not really into romance stories).

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

MissAngelAdorer — Tue, 18 Oct 2011 00:31:57 +0100

Interesting. There's a lot of ways you could go with this and I'd love to read it by the way you make it sound. I'm such a sucker for these kind of "seperate identity" stories and your take sounds unique since she's not just playing dress up or has DID.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Lynnielois — Tue, 18 Oct 2011 00:37:34 +0100

Well, it is totally a romance. lol, it's not going be an all "OMG I LURVE HIM THIS BIGGGG!" sort of romance, but more of a coming-of-age finding her new self sort of romance. She will be having a lot of adventures, sort of as an I'm alive, holy crap. I don't have a heart murmur any more. I'm actually alive sort of thing, mountain climbing, surfing, doing charity work and living like there is no tomorrow sort of adventures, but Jon will probably help her with her bucket list.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

krminnj — Tue, 18 Oct 2011 00:38:19 +0100

I really like the idea of cellular memory, and how that works, and how she becomes almost a different person. I would definitely read it. But I would suggest you do some research on heart transplants. People who have had them do not wake up "feeling as good as new" and "a little bit sore." Heart transplants are serious, serious stuff. I am also fairly certain heart transplants are not used as treatments for heart murmurs.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

krminnj — Tue, 18 Oct 2011 00:39:45 +0100

My brief summary: When 16-year-old Caroline is admitted to an adolescent psychiatric ward for her suicidal tendencies, the last thing she expected was to fall in love. Nate, her fellow patient, seems to be the only person who truly understands her. But can two people who want to die ever really plan a future together?

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

krminnj — Tue, 18 Oct 2011 00:46:14 +0100

As I say below, you need to do research on heart transplants. People who have just had heart transplants cannot go mountain climbing and surfing.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

rebel_cheese — Tue, 18 Oct 2011 01:13:35 +0100

Very brisk and to the point but I like it. It details the two main characters succinctly and illustrates the main conflict. You can have a really compelling novel if you execute it right. I kinda wish to learn a little bit more about Caroline and Nathan (I assume Nate's a nickname XD) including why they're suicidal, but perhaps that would be best saved for the actual novel (or when you have more planned XD). So yeah, me likey.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Lynnielois — Tue, 18 Oct 2011 01:15:23 +0100

ROFL. I'm not dumb. I didn't say 'immediately' or even 'soon'.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Lynnielois — Tue, 18 Oct 2011 01:16:48 +0100

And I will be doing some research, my wording was off, I know. I just was saying how she felt like herself, mostly. I will be doing research as I complete my planning. I just came up with my plot yesterday.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Lynnielois — Tue, 18 Oct 2011 01:17:16 +0100

I would read. Would probably be depressed after. But I would read. :)

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Lynnielois — Tue, 18 Oct 2011 01:42:29 +0100

She has heart failure. lol I found out what was right.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefflion — Tue, 18 Oct 2011 12:03:41 +0100

I like this kind of stories. They can go in any direction: to give you hope, to make you think, etc. The plot reminds me (in a good way) of the movie On the Edge.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Alice Majella — Tue, 18 Oct 2011 12:56:16 +0100

@krminnj I don't think it's usually my kind of thing, but I think I would read it as long as it wasn't *too* dark. It sounds like it would be really interesting, but I would like if it included a bit of humour. =) Mine: World War III finished ten years ago, but the Australian people are still dealing with the devastating consequences. When the government introduces conscription to aid in the fight for freedom and democracy, Sasha and his poltically-minded band decide that enough is enough. Soon, they are on the run from the government, dodging arrest and performing at underground venues as they deal with politics, family, blossoming romance and the band falling apart.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

fredtheflyingfish — Tue, 18 Oct 2011 21:58:53 +0100

Jefflion- Thanks for the feedback :). What you said about the boyfriend cheating not being a strong enough trigger makes sense. This is more a case of having to trim down information for the summary, since there are a lot more factors than just the boyfriend that make her open the box; that's just the final catalyst. In the book it will definitely be a stronger reason. At least I hope :P

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

gypsydiver — Tue, 18 Oct 2011 22:39:27 +0100

Ohhh, very interesting. I've yet to read a book set in an institution that I thought was an accurate representation, so I'd read it just to see how it was written! I'm not HUGE into romance only novels, though, so I'd hope there was more. And yeah, I'd check out some movies that are similar (someone mentioned On the Edge, but another one that I'm dying to see but haven't yet is 'It's Kind of a Funny Story...') to figure out what makes them good or bad.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

ClareD — Tue, 18 Oct 2011 23:36:53 +0100

@Alice really nice synopsis because it makes the novel sound really interesting without being too long. sounds like something i'd be interested to read for sure. although at first i did think that by band you just meant a gang of friends than a music band, but that could just be me misreading it. mine: working title: Grimm (will definitely change because i'm sure there's another novel out there somewhere with the same name) synopsis: Fairy tales have a habit of repeating themselves. Rose is dying and starting to give up because what's the point in fighting when there's nothing left in her life to fight for. Ruth doesn't think that she's anyone important even if the new boy seems to be obsessed with her. Rory has given up all hope of getting a life, because how is he supposed to be a normal teenager when he has to look after his mum all day. And Eddie is constantly studying hard in the hope that one day he'll be able to escape from his hellish family, especially his stepmum. Four separate stories, drawn together with a thread that none of them know exist. A thread that will either reward or destroy them.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

RantsFromTheRock — Wed, 19 Oct 2011 09:01:01 +0100

@ClareD Your story sounds really interesting and it would be great to read it to find out what this thread is and exactly how it would tie them all together. I find it truly intriguing and I am currently sitting here trying to place which of your characters are from which fairy tale exactly. Incidentally, there's a new show coming on soon called Grimm that I'm dying to watch. I would be very interested in reading your story when it's done! and this is mine: Working Title: Gravity Synopsis: FMC *no name yet* has grown up in a circus and never knew her parents or any sort of 'normal' family life. An accident drastically changes her life and everything she's ever known and as a result she is forced to leave the circus and live a life she's never known. Enter MMC and a host of others who will either hate her, befriend her or just plain not care. Not very detailed I know, but I'm working on all the small things.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

MarcyT — Wed, 19 Oct 2011 11:30:15 +0100

First, your title sounds nice. Just short and simple and interesting. The story sounds like a fun story. Setting part of it at the circus should be very cool. I feel bad for the FMC, how she has to leave everything she knows. She sounds sympathetic. I am also curious who the people she meets are. Like you said, it's not very detailed, but it is definitely interesting. One suggestion is it might be nice if you said what the accident was. Good luck for November!

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

MarcyT — Wed, 19 Oct 2011 11:42:28 +0100

Here's my third summary (I'm doing three NaNos): The Pass of Taedea “I have a deal to offer you, Rosina Catella.” Two years ago, Rosina would have laughed in his face, but after two years in prison, she would do anything to get out. Rosina, the daughter of the ousted rebel leader, is freed, under the condition that she will lead a group of men to a secret stash of rebel weapons and wealth. However, Rosina’s position changes, when an attack kills most of the party, leaving her and a secretly rebel horse groom named Giuseppe in control of the group and the king’s youngest son DeAngelo as their prisoner. Intertwined are the stories of a young man after revenge, a mysterious gypsy, a beautiful spy, a penniless noble family, a boy secretly in love, a dashing rebel general, a clever swindler, a girl pretending to be a boy, and a man willing to do anything it takes to take control of the country.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefflion — Wed, 19 Oct 2011 13:49:41 +0100

I like your setting (I sense it being something between a dystopia and political intrigue). I also like the idea of a band being in the focus.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefflion — Wed, 19 Oct 2011 13:52:16 +0100

I sounds interesting, particularly because it's not clear what do fairy tales have to do with the main characters. I'd rewrite the last line, though; it's too cliche and your synopsis promises a much better story.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefflion — Wed, 19 Oct 2011 13:54:25 +0100

I love your setting! It has so much potential for the character development. I also like the idea of this girl growing up in the circus and that being the normal life she knows, so now when she's out, she needs to learn how to live a life that's unusual to her.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

RantsFromTheRock — Wed, 19 Oct 2011 18:56:34 +0100

Thanks for your comments. FMC is going to fall from the aerial silks while training and severly do some damage to herself. The accident is going to be something that never should have happened and one that will seem almost like neglect on the FMC's part.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

andreamantis — Thu, 20 Oct 2011 05:48:11 +0100

@MarcyT Wow! Three novels! I like this story. Sound like a great adventure, with quite a complicated plot! (This is a good thing, I love complex plots!) I'll have to go take a look at your second plot (I'm pretty sure I commented on your first one on the first page). But I'd definitely read this one! Mine: I posted a summary on the first page of this thread, and I realized after some comments that it really wasn't getting the point of the story across. So I've rewritten the summary and would like to see what you guys think about this one. Title: The Moirai Seventeen-year-old Prudence “Pru” Hartley wakes up in a hospital to find her world shattered. She and her father had been in a car accident – make that two accidents. The second car's impact proved fatal to her father and left Pru in a coma for months. But now that she is awake, she has no time to grieve for her father. Instead, a woman named Lachesis appears at Pru's bedside, claiming to be a part of a mysterious group called The Moirai. And Lachesis bears a cryptic message: Pru has been chosen, and has been given a Destiny. Twenty-one-year-old Trey Johnson just wants to feel normal. His father died when Trey was just a kid, and his mother checked herself indefinitely into a mental institution soon after. And Trey, at the age of eleven, was diagnosed with a rare, incurable disease. Now, after living with the disease for ten years, Trey has found hope in a new doctor and an experimental treatment. But something goes wrong during the procedure, and Trey, waking too early from anesthesia, hears his doctor's panicked words: “Will this affect his Destiny?” Now Pru and Trey, along with a small band of “chosen” ones, must figure out three things: Who are The Moirai, why have they been chosen, and for what, exactly, have they been chosen?

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

andreamantis — Thu, 20 Oct 2011 05:50:51 +0100

Okay, I rewrote my summary and posted it on page 4 of this thread. If you guys could read it and let me know if it's worse, better, explains more, etc., I'd appreciate it! Thanks!

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

kimby — Thu, 20 Oct 2011 06:17:27 +0100

@ Andrea- I think I've read things like this, which is good... I tend to read the same kind of things. My question would be though what's the destiny and do you have an end in sight? That's the kind of thing that drives me nuts while reading YA. And can you check yourself into a mental institution indefinitely? I know my aunt stayed on a psych floor, and there are homes of psych patients, but as of now I don't think there's mental institutions like that anymore (or at least in California and WA.), and that leads to "who pays for it?" But this is all the nursing student thinking and always thinking about the dollars (which YA may not). But I like the concept. There's be some funness to be had with playing with s/s of diseases. Okay mine... Title: (testing it out... probably will change) Nola Andrews Nola Andrews comes from a typical family. Big cool brother, annoying little sister, and her parents who like to embarrass her any chance they get. She has the best friends any 16 year old girl can ask for and a crush on the mega hot Brandon (who kind of knows she is alive. He asked to borrow a pencil in ecology a couple weeks ago. That's good right?). Everything seems normal. Until her 17th birthday. Suddenly anytime Nola touches anyone they are forced to tell the truth, and sometimes you don't want to hear everyone's truths. On top of that, the people she touches are left with a watery glowy finger print thingy (have to figure that part out), that Nola can only see... or at least she thinks she's the only one. Nola need to find out she's adopted, what she really is (half nereid--- think Greek sea nymph, and half tree fairy), why she can make people tell the truth, who that kind of cute guy with the weird tattoos is stalking her, and who keeps trying to kill her (and why?!). And to think before her birthday she thought her biggest problem was trying to find homes for the animals at the shelter she volunteers at....

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

SarahJean — Thu, 20 Oct 2011 06:22:21 +0100

@andreamantis I am very curious about your story and I would definitely read it. The characters interest me, and from just reading the description I want to know who the moirai are. It sounds unique, but it doesn't seem so crazy and paranormal that I wouldn't be able to understand it (I am not a huge fan of paranormal/alternate universes since there is a lot to remember and lots of backstory about the place they are in and i think it detracts from the plot in some cases. This deffinatly doesnt seem like one of those cases.) Here is my short synopsis: Heavy on the bitter Courtney is 15 when she moves with her mom and elder sister to a house. 3 years prior her grandmother died, and one year after that her father did. However during the move she finds a letter from 2 months before her dads death by her grandmother. Her mother and sister tell her that she is crazy, but she knows she isn’t. Her goal: find out where her grandmother is, find out why her dad said she did.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefflion — Thu, 20 Oct 2011 10:46:41 +0100

Yes, I think it's a better synopsis and, hopefully, presents your story the way it is. We get to learn about the other important character, which is good because it's good to know there are other POV characters (I assume that's the case here).

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefflion — Thu, 20 Oct 2011 10:50:27 +0100

I think it's an interesting concept. Making people tell the truth all the time can lead to many different conflicts, even if you don't want to explore the paranormal issue further (which, as far as I can tell here, you do want to explore).

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

ClareD — Thu, 20 Oct 2011 15:32:33 +0100

thank you - i wasn't that keen on it either so i'll sort that out.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

ClareD — Thu, 20 Oct 2011 15:37:37 +0100

thank you so much, i'm quite glad it's not obvious who each of them were because to me it's blindly clear XD maybe it's the tv show i was thinking of when i thought there was something else called Grimm already

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

incongruentaporia — Thu, 20 Oct 2011 16:56:28 +0100

@SarahJean It sounds like it could be interesting, though I think a heavy use of subplots would help the story have more.. beef. I remember reading a novel of a kind of similar nature (His dad dies- he finds something... goes on a mystery hunt to find out what dad meant- and who so-and-so is. But as he's looking through clues, some of them are dead ends on the main plot- but turn into pretty interesting sub plots) My story Working title: All the colors of the rainbow. Basically, I was prompted to write this due to a friend who was like, "as a straight kid- I have no idea what goes on in the LGBT community" Anyway- enter Tonya, a straight female from a small town high school- going to the local college. She meets Andrew, a genderfluid character in her ASL class. They end up clicking, and going to a drag show that the school's Saga throws. As she continues through her freshman year, she meets a host of people that fall outside of her accepted norm- including drag queens and transgender characters. There'll be slight romance, possibly between Andrew and Tonya- but if so, it'd be a subplot dealing with her own personal struggle of 'If I date someone who doesn't identify as a man- am I still straight?'

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

WillowViraBaker — Thu, 20 Oct 2011 17:21:28 +0100

@incongruentaporia: I love your idea. I tend to not read about this type of subject, but your characters will be dealing with a real issue instead of being a fluffy romance. I don't think there are very many books out there on a straight person's perspective of the LGBT community. It's a very interesting premise, and I'd probably pick it up whether or not I agree where you go with this story (I'm straight all the way :] and a Christian). It's always good to see a different viewpoint and what other people are thinking and how they identify themselves. I think it would be awesome if Tonya remains straight throughout the entire novel rather than turning from being straight because of the influence of her new friends. Or struggle with joining the LGBT community, but end up straight in the end. And I love, love, love the romance between Tonya and Andrew because it deals with a very deep issue that probably comes up today. And now mine. I posted back on page 2, but I've added to and expounded on my origional plot, so I decided to post it again. (This will be written entirely as correspondence, and the setting is pretty much today, for all intents and purposes, but smacks of a Victorian flair. Also, it's sort of a more modern fairy-tale setting with witches and such, but still holds onto the origional elegance and idea of magic.) Poppy is 23, the youngest heir to one of the most prestigious and oldest families of the capital city Ibsworth, and consequently a witch. She just finished her extended apprenticeship to the Royal sorceress, and would be starting her two year tour abroad if she hadn't had an emotional breakdown and decided to commit suicide. Due to her status and talent, she's had the best of everything practically handed to her, but can't handle all the stress and responsibility forced upon her. Everyone is making plans for her life, and she doesn't know which path is the right one to follow. So before she decided to commit suicide, she wrote a note and tossed it into the mail sorter at the post office (in this world, everyone has a PO Box that magically delivers the mail to the corresponding address. Any mail without an address is sent to a random box {this is strictly forbidden, btw}). Poppy's older brother caught her before she could kill herself, and after a lot of fuss, she was temporarily stripped of most of her magic and moved to her family's country house in Undale-upon-Lenox. This move was to both help her emotional state and protect the family's name from scandal. And, according to tradition, a dragon was hired to guard her, so for the most part she's all alone, except for her correspondence that her suicide note began to new instructor at the Royal University. (neither correspondent knows the identity or location of the other) Underwood, 28, recently procured a coveted teaching job at the Royal University after six years intensive study, but is stuck with all the classes that no other instructor or professor wants. His office is more like a broom closet, and he is quite unsure how the desk fit through the door, or anything else for that matter. He also recently bought a house on a bit of land in a suburb of Ibsworth, although he has begun to regret ever moving in due to the mysterious appearings and vanishings of highly needed items, such as his research notes and freshly graded papers and tests. And then there are the highly suspicious plants in the garden that look far more alive then they should be. If all this wasn't enough, he's at a dead end with his research and under a tight deadline in order to receive a grant for the University, since someone very high up from the government board of sorcery showed interest in his research topic. Underwood decides to write back to Poppy upon receiving her letter, but never planned on it ever turning into such an important aspect of his life. It takes mentoring Poppy to get him to stop and reevaluate his actions and what's really important, causing him to find the importance in the little things. Poppy manages to both get under his skin and begin to open his mind to life.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

andreamantis — Thu, 20 Oct 2011 21:09:34 +0100

Thanks for taking the time to look at this revised summary, and thanks for your feedback! Yes, I realized I needed to get Trey in there, because there are two POVs in the story - Pru's and Trey's. And this summary, while it leaves out the whole journalism aspect, gets right into the heart of the story, because the journalism stuff is more of backstory. Thanks again!

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

andreamantis — Thu, 20 Oct 2011 21:18:24 +0100

@kimby - Thanks so much for your feedback! I am so glad you brought up the fact about the mental institutions.... I just know that Trey's mom has gone crazy, and that she needs to be in some type of institution or home where she wasn't able to raise Trey. I think I'll look into the homes of psych patients you mentioned - maybe she can be in one of those... And yes, I have a vague end in sight. This is going to be at least two books, if not three, and I have the first book (this one) all mapped out. The second one is not quite figured out, but I have major events figured out. Once I get the first one done, I can go on to the next, and then I think the ending will all come together. I know what's going to happen, just not all the details... Thanks again for your feedback! And I also really like your idea. I love the idea that everyone has to tell the truth when she touches them, and I love that you make it clear that these truths are not always sunshine and daisies. And I really like the added aspect of how she leaves a print on the people that she has touched... But this makes me wonder, will they forever have to tell the truth once she's touched them? Or just to her? Or just to her initially, right after she touches them? You could go a lot of ways with this story, and it could include a lot of interesting characters. I'd love to read it someday!

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

andreamantis — Thu, 20 Oct 2011 21:28:05 +0100

@SarahJean - Thanks so much for your feedback! Yeah, this story isn't paranormal - it's obviously got a bit of SF in it (the Destiny) but no elves or witches or ghosts or anything. And no alternate universe - it's set in the present day in the U.S. But I do have a LOT of backstory in it, because it's pretty complicated, and I'm going to be making it into at least two books, if not three. But I hope to not make it too complicated to where people get confused, or, like you said, to the point of it detracting from the rest of the story. I have several Beta readers ready to read it when I'm done with this draft, so I'll definitely make sure to ask them if it's too confusing! I also like your story idea. But I think you could definitely add some things here and there, to fill it out a bit. But then again, you said it was a short synopsis, so you might already have more in your mind that you didn't include in the synopsis! Also, while I like complex plots, I also appreciate the simple stories (some of the greatest books and movies have been simple plots!), and I think that this one, while it is still a mystery, could be a cool, simple story. Also, my best friend would love to read it because her name is Courtney and she loves to read books with characters who have her name! ;)

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

superstarlala — Fri, 21 Oct 2011 00:49:44 +0100

this sounds so good! exctactly the type of book I would read, but I think that it would be so interesting if her mom and her sister knew where her grandma was all along

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

superstarlala — Fri, 21 Oct 2011 00:50:45 +0100

Just Talking Mary had it all, she was popular, good grades, amazing boyfriend and had the top gossip blog on the internet. But one day, when people have finally had enough of her mean words, they turn on her. Soon Mary finds herself alone and when someone starts blackmailing her with her own words, how far will she go to find out who's doing it, but mostly, how far will she go to get her life back?

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

nobody_knows — Fri, 21 Oct 2011 02:08:11 +0100

@WillowVeraBaker - your idea sounds interesting. I'm not into the witchy type of novels, but I like the premise of the letter writing in a magical context - it definitely has potential! My only concern is that when I read that it seemed as if Underwood didn't have any idea that the University was for sorcery - or is it mixed? Does he know about Poppy being a witch? I think it's more exciting if he doesn't!!! Good luck with it!!! :D @superstarlala - I like this idea. You don't see many stories where the rumourmill Queen falls from grace, and I would more than likely pick this up on a shelf. It seems to have a good plot of its own, and I hope that there's more characters in it that Mary meets along the road to getting her life back! So my idea....or ideas? I'm not sure, I have two! Can I market two? Here they are: 1.Halley James, has just started her senior year - but she's got a secret that could ruin her life forever - or at least until the year is out. Summer has been and gone, leaving with it unwanted memories that burn a hole in Halley's heart. With only one way to cope, Halley throws herself into her one love - soccer, determined to get a scholarship so she can not only make it into college, but to show the arrogant Ben Matthews she's more than just a girl he can treat like dirt. Halley finds herself getting closer and closer to Ben's best friend, Sam, yet will her new found relationship fall to pieces once he finds out what really happened that night before summer ended? OR: 2.Isabel Cartel lives in one world; Lucie Evans another. What one does not realise is that she is part of a legend, a prophecy about to be fulfilled.... In (insert country name here), Hugo Pitt is building up an army larger than that of the Royals, determined to take back the throne that he believes rightfully belongs to him. Only two people can stop him - the twins born with both the Gift and the Mark. Isabel knows that she is one half of the prophecy that links her to Pitt's downfall. Her Gift appeared on her eighth birthday, and with the help from Lord Myles, she has learnt of her destiny and how to use her Gift to fullfill it. But there is one person missing....Lucie Evans. Can Isabel track Lucie down and convince her to help destroy Pitt?

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jazzi-bear — Fri, 21 Oct 2011 02:15:25 +0100

I would read this in a heartbeat. It sounds fun--which is, I think, the joy of reading and writing YA/MG fiction. You can tackle serious subject matter, develop intense and memorable characters, and introduce concepts that adult readers would never be able to comprehend, and you get to do it in a way that is thoroughly enjoyable. Even angst-ridden YA characters have a touch of humor in them, the self-depreciating humor of a writer remembering how dramatic everything seemed in his youth. I feel like a lot of YA/MG fiction has gotten away from this joy, with the focus on teenage dysfunction and paranormal romance. Your book sounds refreshing, almost, in the way it returns to the more lighthearted traditions of YA/MG fiction. Plus, gargoyles? Probably the only fantasy creatures that HAVEN'T been overdone in recent years.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

lizo27 — Fri, 21 Oct 2011 03:08:43 +0100

@nobody_knows: I vote for your second idea, just because I love fantasy. I'm also intrigued by the idea that your MC is only half of a chosen pair, and part of her journey is finding the other half. It adds another layer to the standard "Chosen One" plot. Note: mine's been significantly updated, so I'd like feedback on it.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Sarcasmohjoy — Fri, 21 Oct 2011 05:20:53 +0100

Personally, I think there's been too many Alice remakes over the years. I lost interest after reading "Wonderland--here travels the Alices, the Hares," however it does sound interesting other than that ;)

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

tomato-greens — Fri, 21 Oct 2011 12:16:19 +0100

@WillowViraBaker, I would INHALE that novel in a heartbeat. Especially if you managed to keep a handle on the Victorian/modern edge, and used language reminiscent of the Victorian period. I'm a total sucker for magic-for-modern-uses, too, so basically––awesome! I'm really curious as to how Underwood sends his letters, though, if he doesn't know how magic works (well, that's the idea I got from your post, anyway...?) and I feel like it could easily become a little too precious or melodramatic, too. But it sounds like if it worked, it would work really really well. I'd definitely read it. My novel's synopsis is a little vague because I really don't know everything that's going to go on, but...here goes. Working Title: The Seawrack Wars The first time Zee Khalil saw a mermaid scalp for sale, she was ten. Six years later, the mermaid tourist trade is the only thing standing between her small fishing town and subsumption into one of its larger neighbors. Though the town has received some negative press, Zee's never seen a problem––mermaids are legal prey, and traps have come a long way since the first mermaids were netted. She should know, after all; her dad was one of the first fishermen to adopt and promote the new humane policies. Then his body washes up on shore, wrapped carefully in mermaid hair. All of a sudden, the town is flooded with big city reporters and the governor's being pressured to shut them down. Someone's not following the rules. And Zee plans on finding out who. I have to go to work but I will definitely be back to this thread and reply to other people's plots! This is awesome!

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

incongruentaporia — Fri, 21 Oct 2011 17:11:25 +0100

@Tomato-greens I would pick that up in a heart beat. Even though I'm writing it- I don't like normal teen drama (What goes on in the highschool- kind of thing) And the way that you've got it looking now- it looks like you'll have a wonderful plot map- not just work up- climax, come down. It sounds really good.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

bissybear — Fri, 21 Oct 2011 17:59:38 +0100

@incongruentaporia Your synopsis sounds so interesting, and I would definitely read it. I think there's a bit of a hole in YA in regards to characters that are gender fluid, or experimenting with their sexuality. And the idea of following someone as they are realizing that for the first time would be fascinating. I also like that it's set during the first year of college because I think that's a part of life that can get ignored in fiction because some people don't think that it qualifies as full YA, but it's not really Adult either. Like I said, it has a lot of potential, and I would definitely like to read it :)

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

tomato-greens — Fri, 21 Oct 2011 18:00:38 +0100

I would definitely read this like crazy. But I agree with jefflion––even if the powers are a result of the alien-led catastrophe, they should probably be an accidental result, just because good science uses only one variable at a time and a destroyed world and no adults is already two huge variables! But then again, they are aliens who are willing to ignore ethics, so maybe "good science" is not the best description.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

merrier_blue — Fri, 21 Oct 2011 18:09:14 +0100

@tomato-greens This is one of the most creative spins on the recent influx of YA mermaid novels I've seen yet. I love how you can see how the MC will be growing and learning just through your summary. The fact that this novel has a supernatural bent that's going to be treated as mundane is even more enticing. Kudos to you! Here's my idea: Aubrey Lex and her sister Abigail have lived in the underground city of Hollowwick for ten years. They were the last of the quarantined children to be accepted into this new society before it was no longer safe to search for anyone clean. Now, ten years later, someone has released the same virus that killed everyone on earth into the ventilation systems of Hollowwick and their only hope of survival is to escape the city they've been calling home. And there is only way to do that. Convince the council of Starryacre to free them all and allow the children access to the world's oldest, richest and most heavily guarded of the sky city's hospital. But how do you convince a council of the world's most wealthy and elite that the children they abandoned to plague and famine ten years ago are worth saving now?

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

tomato-greens — Fri, 21 Oct 2011 18:14:44 +0100

Oh my god I would read this like a seagull eats what's bad for it. Not that this would be bad for me. Okay, so the simile needs work, but I would have read this when I was sixteen and now I'm finally a real life grown-up reader I'd go back to the YA section to pick it up. I love religion and talking about religion, and this looks like it would be a great mixture of darkness, hilarity, and resolution.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

tomato-greens — Fri, 21 Oct 2011 18:18:40 +0100

Although I don't know if I'd read this anymore, I went through a I LOVE FAIRIES period when I was about eight during which I definitely would have. Even so, the idea of the story-rearranging might be enough to lure even jaded readers in! I agree that this scans as geared towards fairly young readers, but also sounds like something that would be really enjoyable for people to read with their younger readers.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

tomato-greens — Fri, 21 Oct 2011 18:33:59 +0100

I'd read it. Especially if parts were in haiku, I'd read it. It sounds interesting and like satisfying reading even for people who aren't between eleven and seventeen––I'm twenty; I was a middle schooler in the greater NY area during 9/11 and I still have a lot of Feelings about that day that are never going to be resolved, and I doubt I'm alone in that. As long as you make sure not to simplify the issues too much, I think this would be a really really successful story.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

bissybear — Fri, 21 Oct 2011 18:53:57 +0100

@incongruentaporia: I hope that it's okay that I read your synopsis! I didn't realize until just now that you hadn't posted it, but I just looked on your profile :) And also I forgot to post my own, so here it is: Brendon Mallory was one of those people who never really had a best friend - plenty of acquantinces, yeah, but no one who he really felt like he could be himself around. And then came Noah. They bonded over their favorite band, and the rest (as they say) is history. Finally, Bren had that one person who he felt most comfortable with, but there was one thing: he had spent so much time without anyone that he had learned to close himself up, only conveying the necesary information. But slowly, he learned to let Noah in, although he still kept him at an arm's length away, for fear of Noah eventually leaving. It's been four years since they met, and Noah and Brendon are getting ready to graduate and head off to college. And as much as Bren doesn't like to admit it, he is terrified of leaving home, and in turn, leaving Noah - the one person he cares about the most. Follow Bren as he learns to let go, and say the true things. Or, if you want it summed up in 20 words: A recent high school graduate and his platonic soulmate experience college, and the difficulties of being apart for the first time.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

incongruentaporia — Fri, 21 Oct 2011 19:18:57 +0100

@Bissybear I had posted it- it's just a little further up ^^ I've just responded to multiple of these. Also, I'm glad I'm getting such positive feed back. Your 20 word summary made me smile slightly, if only because I was first introduced to the concept of "Queerplatoniclifepartner" the other day. I would definitely read that story. It looks like it could be fantastic about the struggles that the emotionally distant go through- and it's not a perspective most people write about. They may have a character like that- but usually it isn't a MC, and it most definitely does't normally show that even those who keep others out- sometimes want to let them in.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

tomato-greens — Sat, 22 Oct 2011 13:08:21 +0100

This is the kind of book I wish I'd stumbled upon in high school! I don't know if I'd read it now but I would have eaten it up a few years ago. It sounds like you'll be staying away from the tiresome clichés that make books about sexuality trying, boring, or downright offensive, and like it won't be too preach-y––exactly what a lot of straight, confused, or just-figuring-it-out kids need!

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

DoraWrites — Sat, 22 Oct 2011 13:50:47 +0100

@merrier_blue, that sounds amazing! It's surely something I would read! Here's my idea: Working Title: Burning Summary: Belle had it all. She got straight A's and had parents that most of us can only dream of. She genuinly cared about other people. She loved cherries and turtles, but couldn't stand swimming pools. She was a great writer, she loved to sing.The only thing she was truly afraid of was water, and the things she could do to fire. You'd say she had the perfect life. Until one day, when everything changed. When Belle's dad beat her mum to death, she became his new victim. But one day, when she's working in the library, she meets a boy with stormy grey eyes. Soon she discovers her life was never as normal and perfect as she thought it was. As she becomes enchanted by the beautiful grey eyes, and the magic that's slowly infiltrating her life, the abuse she has to endure becomes worse and worse. The Boy With the Grey Eyes is at the library every day from then, and so is Belle. But why does he keep staring at her, and what does the strange key he wears around his neck open? Will he be the one to save Belle from her father's hatefull grasp?

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

MTeson — Sat, 22 Oct 2011 18:46:49 +0100

A few notes: - "grey eyes" is fast becoming the new "green eyes," which is the new "blue eyes." You might want to come up with some other identifiable characteristics for this fellow, and maybe give him something else to do besides stare at the girl. Can they interact on occasion? Is there something in his personality that might draw her in? That might repel her? I imagine if I were endlessly staring at a girl for the length of a book I would probably either get handed a restraining order or I'd get my butt handed to me (especially if the girl was a firestarter!). Mix it up a bit. - I'd change the girl's name to something that's more...fiery! Belle sounds too much like Bella and no one wants that ;) - Make sure that you have a lot of stuff that's more or less normal in Belle's life. How does she function in normalcy with all the craziness that goes on around her? The magic elements you have here are compelling, but how do they intersect with what Bella's real life is like? Is there something trivially non-magic related that she really cares about that gets sabotaged as a result of these incidents? Is there light in her life after her crazy parents thing? I think you have a very promising start, ripe for development. Well done :)

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

MTeson — Sat, 22 Oct 2011 18:57:47 +0100

Here is my idea. It's very thin, so I'm looking for ideas to flesh it out. Miranda Castillo-Gomez is a typical 7th grader (might move her to high school, don't know). She's not super popular or super geeky, but she does have stuff she worries about - practicing her clarinet for band tryouts, getting good grades so her dad will buy her a phone, the boy in her math class she's totally into. And with the Valentine's Day dance approaching she's all set to make a move. Then she gets hit by a car. Her near-death experience and subsequent recovery and return to school open Miranda's eyes for the first time in her life. Not in a supernatural way (this isn't a supernatural story), but in the course of almost dying, it's like she's learned a thing or two about life. What it is and what isn't. What matters and what doesn't. Soon she's reading books from the library about existentialism and zen. The life she led, the things she cared about are gone. In its place is just...herself. And the universe. It might just be a defense mechanism, and she might falter from time to time. After all that boy is still there and the dance is only two weeks away. Her friends want to report her to the counselor, her teachers want to reach out to her to get her to feel her feelings, and her Mexican Catholic parents want to take her to an exorcist. Can a girl just trying to make it in middle school really get by on Zen alone?

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

MTeson — Sat, 22 Oct 2011 18:58:29 +0100

Like I said, not much plot. I need more plot. More excursions and ideas. Feel free to comment!

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

lizo27 — Sun, 23 Oct 2011 00:48:12 +0100

@MTeson: I see plenty of plot potential in your story. You certainly have enough potential conflicts: with the boy, with friends, with her parents. And you have a central question: will Miranda hold on to her new Zen philosophy, or will the pull of her old life draw her back into old ways of thinking. Now you just have to flesh out the conflicts. What do her friends want? What's their reaction to her newfound outlook? Does she have feelings for the boy that conflict with her new Zen perspective? Does she respect her parents? Is she distressed at their reaction? And so on. Mine's in profile, has been competely redone.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

WrittenWord — Sun, 23 Oct 2011 02:21:09 +0100

Okay, bear with me, this is kind of long--I went ahead and wrote up a response to all the summaries that had been posted since I did. @The Nerdy Geek - The first paragraph is a little clunky to me. Maybe you could explain how Cora figured out that she was a manipulator and what to do with the pocketwatch--did she accidentally end up in another world and have to figure out her way back, or what? The third paragraph is a little awkward, too--tell us a bit more about Vera. Is she important to the story? If so, tell us more about her. If not, cut her out. That being said, your summary intrigues me and I'd read it. @jefflion - I like your synopsis, but to be honest, I'm not enthusiastic about the first person voice. If you switch to third person, you might be able to add another paragraph explaining how all these things tie together. You know, weave the play and her troubles with that into her issues with her parents. I'm probably not explaining myself well, but I guess what I'm saying is...why should I care? That's really what the synopsis boils down to. I was fascinated by all of Robin's trials, until I got to the end, and then I was left thinking, "...And? Are you going to do anything about it?" ("You" being Robin, obviously.) I would probably read it *now*, but as a teen, I would have stuck it right back on the shelf and kept moving. I don't mean to be harsh, but I definitely see the potential in your story. @hitman2097 - I'm not too sure about the first paragraph--it just seems a little awkwardly worded to me--but the rest of it seems really amazing. I would totally read this book. The only thing I'm curious about is--why is he calling himself Mission? When I read the note from his mother I thought that "Mission" was in the sense of "Your mission, should you choose to accept it." Clear that up a bit, maybe. @MissAngelAdorer - I read your synopsis on your page as well as the two you posted here. I think you need to find a happy medium between the two. The ones in this thread are kind of short and not particularly detailed; the one on your page is a bit long and rambling. If I were a YA reader, I would probably put the book back gefore I finished the first paragraph because it just drags on. If you could get somewhere between the two in terms of detail and length, that would be perfect. @amayanieva - It has a lot of potential. I like the storyline and I can see where you're going, but I think you need to tighten it up a bit. What exactly IS Iris's power? How do these boys show up in her room? And where you say "the purpose was for her to adjust"...the purpose of what, exactly? It's an interesting story, though, and I would read it for sure. @rebel_cheese - That last line of your redone synopsis packs one hell of a punch. I skipped the first line by accident--the "What you are and what you could have been" line--I think because you forgot the extra space between paragraphs--but to be honest, I didn't miss it. I would cut it. It might be the "flavor text" at the top of the page--you know, the stuff in slightly larger letters that comes before the actual synopsis--but your synopsis is fine as is. Just my two cents. @MarcyT on Mercagea Trilogy Book Three: The Victor - I like it. I like it a lot. I'm fascinated by the ideas in the novel. Obviously I wouldn't pick it up right away because it's the third in a trilogy--I'd probably go back to pick up the first one, though. One minor nitpick: you don't need the apostrophe in de Blanc. You would only need that if there was a vowel starting the surname, like d'Artagnan or d'Anjou. Just a little thing, but it kinda bugged me...;) @lizo27 - Looking at the synopsis posted on your info page...first of all, you start the first paragraph with "Two hundred years ago..." and then say "two centuries later..." in the next paragraph. One of those is unnecessary. I would reword the first one to say "When the King of Eire and his family were assassinated by the order of the King of Albion, the Eirean army..." etc., etc., etc. You don't need to say in the synopsis WHO murdered them, and "in their sleep" is an unnecessary tidbit as well. Also, I would cut out the line "Many tried to revive the King's magic, but all failed." It disrupts the flow of the summary. The rest of the summary is really good, although you switch tenses quite a bit--I would stick with present, personally, even when you're describing events that happened in the past. I assume they will be described in your book. If not, don't go into so much detail about them in your synopsis. Overall, it looks pretty good, though, and I would read it in a hot minute. @A.Rose - Great idea, and I'd probably read the book, but as jefflion said, definitely not a synopsis... @Wesa Ada - Again, this is not so much a synopsis as a summary (there is a difference). That being said, it sounds like an interesting story. I think a lot of shy people create alternate personalities for themselves. Could be interesting to see where you go with this. @Kamikaze Mission - That's a really intriguing synopsis. My only suggestion is to find another word for "forced/forcing" in the last paragraph. You use it twice in a very short space, and it gets a little repetitive. @Linnielois - I like the idea of your novel. However, I would polish up the synopsis a bit. First of all, I think you need to explain in the synopsis why she needs the heart transplant in the first place. Second of all, your paragraphs are a little short and choppy. Make it flow. Overall, though, I think this could be a really awesome story if you work at it a little. Good luck! @krminnj - Since I actually participated in an RPG set at an adolescent psychiatric ward, I would totally read this story. Your synopsis was short enough not to be boring, but long enough to be intriguing. Well done! @Alice Majella - That could definitely be an interesting premise. I'd like to see you expand on the synopsis just a bit. While it is nice and tight, it's also a little vague. Give us at least something to go on. @ClareD - I agree with jefflion; the last line needs some rewriting. But overall, it looks fascinating. I'd be interested to see how the fairy tales factor into the four people's stories. @RantsFromTheRock - This is a really cool idea. When you get your synopsis sorted out--once you've got all the small things, as you put it--I bet I would pick up this book without hesitation. @MarcyT on The Pass of Taedea - First of all, THREE NaNos?! You're insane. Second, of the three novels you've presented so far, I think this might be my favorite. If I could only read one book by you, I'd choose this one. It sounds amazing. @andreamantis - Perfect. You nailed all the salient points of the story. I feel like I know what's going to happen without too much being given away. And I love the way the title rolls off the tongue. I'd definitely pick this up. @kimby - Definitely interesting. The synopsis needs a little bit of polishing--in particular the phrase "watery glowy finger print thingy"--but overall, it looks pretty good. @SarahJean - I probably wouldn't read it myself, but that's just because it's not really my thing. The synopsis could use a little beefing up, but it certainly explains your plot pretty well. @incongruentaporia - I take it you're part of the LGBT community? Anyway, that's irrelevant...the synopsis looks good, although I can tell it's a rough draft. Maybe expand a little on Tonya--when she says she's straight, has she ever considered the LGBT community? Does she know anyone from her high school who is "queer"? Is this her first experience with such things? How was she raised with respect to the LGBT community (did her parents even mention it to her, did they tell her it was an abomination, did they just tell her that sometimes people like different people)? I'd just like to know more about Tonya. And I like your summary of the subplot, by the way. @WillowViraBaker - It sounds like an interesting idea. My only concern is that both of your paragraphs are kind of long. If I were reading that on the back of a book, or in a query letter, my eyes would be crossing before I was halfway done. Maybe break it up a little--don't make it choppy, but make it a little more...elegant? I really don't know how to put it. @superstarla - I'll be honest, I wouldn't read it--but that's because it's not my sort of thing. Your summary looks good, and I'm sure it would appeal to the audience you're targeting. @nobody_knows - I'll put my vote in for your first synopsis. The second one seemed just a little too confusing to me. But I love the premise of the first one. It seems like something most teenage girls would pick up in a heartbeat--almost Sarah Dessen-esque, if you will. @tomato_greens - I like the premise, and I would probably pick it up instantly. I have only one criticism, and it's a minor one: the word "subsumption". My first reaction was "Is that a real word?" and I went for my dictionary. Most YA readers wouldn't know that word...I would maybe pick something a little more familiar to modern teenagers. Like "getting absorbed". @Bissybear - I love your synopsis and I would read it in a heartbeat. My only concern is the line "and the rest (as they say) is history." Try to avoid clichees as much as possible. Other than that, though, it looks good. @merrier_blue - I like your premise. However, the synopsis is just a little bit confusing. You drop a lot of names (Hollowwick, Starryacre) and situations (the sky city, quarantined children) and don't exactly explain them. Also, is it important that someone has actually released the virus into Hollowwick? If not, you don't need it in your synopsis. It just needs a little bit of polishing, that's all. @DoraWrites - This sounds like a fascinating book, and I would absolutely read it. There are only a couple of things I would change. First of all, I would change "most of us" to "most people". Also, I would eliminate the last line. I think that question is fairly obviously implied by the rest of the synopsis, and I'm more curious about the key. All in all, though, it looks good, and I would pick it up in a heartbeat. @MTeson - Keep Miranda in seventh grade. I think it fits better. And actually, I think you've got quite a bit of plot there. In particular, I'd love to see the scene with her parents trying to get her exorcised. Does she argue with the priest that she's not possessed, she's just seen the universe with crystal clarity? That would be cool to see. Anyway, I like the synopsis. I might not necessarily pick up the book in a bookstore because I'm on a tight budget and I have to be choosy about the books I buy, but I'd probably get it out of the library a few times. I've done some tweaking to my synopsis, so I thought I'd see what you guys think: Jefferson Monroe Adams (no, seriously) is thrilled when his younger sister gives him a new diary for his fourteenth birthday--even if it is covered in glittery pink fur. He resumes recording his life immediately, choosing to write in haiku this time around. He alternates between the usual thoughts of a teenage boy--going to Boy Scout meetings, hanging out with his friends, and developing a crush on the girl he's been friends with since kindergarten--and a more unique passion: politics. And he happens to be in the perfect place to nourish ambitions of becoming President of the United States. Living in Arlington, Virginia, scant miles from Washington, D.C., Jefferson has an added advantage: his mother works as a civilian contractor for the Department of Defense, and his father was a Secret Service agent before being killed in the line of duty. Encouraged by his mother, he has a front-row seat to the spectacle of the 2000 Presidential Election. When the winner is finally declared, Jefferson believes he has witnessed the most monumental event of his life. He is wrong. Mere days into his sophomore year of high school, Jefferson's world is shaken, literally and figuratively, when he is forced to evacuate his school. A plane has crashed into the nearby Pentagon. Among the dead is Theresa Josephine Carver, age 34...Jefferson's mother. As he strives to be strong for his sisters, to prove himself to both sides of his family, and to re-establish his identity in a world stood on its head, the question hovers in the background: Who will be strong for him?

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Lnzy — Sun, 23 Oct 2011 04:23:20 +0100

@WrittenWord This idea has me very interested and I can say I would very much like to read this. Also, LOVE that name. I don't care if it's literal. I think it's cute! Plus, I can totally see someone naming their child that. You seem more drawn to the character's own development and his own journey than using it as a vehicle for your views on the events of September 11th. However, I am intrigued by the perspective your MC would bring. I think you have a great idea there. I also think your idea would make a great movie. This is my first year participating so I decided to use a story idea I've had for several years. I love Japanese folklore and the 'culture' surrounding it. Unremarkable and average fourteen year old Satsuo Inoue does what she can to get by through life unnoticed and without conflict. She dreams of a life behind a desk in front of a computer so the only communicating she will be doing is through email. No one tells you to stop mumbling in an email. During Shūbun no Hi (Autumnal Equinox Day) her family visits the local cemetery to pay their respects to their late Grandfather. While there, Satsou finds a small stone shrine that has fallen from its pedestal. After righting it and saying a small prayer that she be gifted with self confidence, the shrine doors open and Satsou is pulled into Makai, the Spirit world. There she finds herself indebted to a greedy demon named Kanaga who runs a small run down tea shop. He dreams of being rich so he might woo the Sweet sellers Daughter and marry her. The love sick Kanaga tells Satsuo he will send her home via the Katomaitoshi (Yearly Ferry) if he can make him rich. With only three months before the Katomaitoshi arrives, Satsuo's only hope to make her Master rich is if she can convince the God of Wealth and fortune to visit Kanaga's small tea shop on his visit to the town and grant Kanaga the wealth he seeks. Through her trials of living and surviving in a town full of demons and spirits and Gods, Satsou not only learns about the motivations of others and the gift of kindness, but also her own self worth.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

queenoftheoutlands — Sun, 23 Oct 2011 12:04:35 +0100

@Lnzy At first I thought that I probably wouldn't read something like that but then when it got into talking about the spirit world and demons and gods of wealth I changed my mind. This sounds like a very interesting story and it could go to some cool places. I don;t know much about Japanese culture but this summary has got me interested :) Also a demon running a tea shop is an awesome idea. My Summary: (Its a comedy/parody of power-of-friendship stories and teenage-issues stories) Circumstances lead six young people, each from a very different background, to a cafe in their little village where they quickly become close friends. Their town is a hotspot for unusual or supernatural occurrences but one night a hurricane blows through town, depositing an injured dragon on a local building site. The investors are determined to get rid of the creature by any means. It's up to the six friends to nurse the creature back to health, whilst at the same time combating their own stresses- Kitty has a party to plan, Cassie has exams to pass and Steph's investigation of something strange going on at the local school soon has her in way over her head. Could it be that rescuing Sweetheart the dragon will form the key to fixing all their problems? Let the randomness commence :)

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

MissAngelAdorer — Sun, 23 Oct 2011 18:52:44 +0100

Will do, Written Word. I'm still unsure and was trying to explain, but the rambling is something I have A LOT of trouble with. I'll try to fix it later.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefflion — Sun, 23 Oct 2011 19:20:30 +0100

I think it's better this way because we'll get to the journalism part when we start reading the book. But we don't need it in the summary. Don't get me wrong: I liked the first one; sure, it seemed like two disjointed stories, but that made me interested in a way. But I think your second synopsis is much better: it makes your novel seem more coherent and plus, it introduces another important (I'm assuming POV) character. The fact there are two important/POV characters is something I want to know before I start reading the book.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefflion — Sun, 23 Oct 2011 19:22:25 +0100

This story has a potential. It sure makes me interested in finding out about the grandmother. I do think you need a different synopsis, though. This one is a bit confusing (but I believe you didn't mean it to be a real synopsis, so it's ok).

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefflion — Sun, 23 Oct 2011 19:24:28 +0100

I think it's a good idea to explore: what happens to the gossip queens when they get into trouble. I also like the blackmailing part. It gives you opportunity for and character development.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefflion — Sun, 23 Oct 2011 19:27:19 +0100

Both are intriguing. I guess the second one is more exciting, but I am interested in the first one. Just make sure that the secret is a good one; we don't want to waste our time on a novel only to realize the secret was not a big deal. (Especially if you set it up to be).

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefflion — Sun, 23 Oct 2011 19:29:50 +0100

I love this one! I'm not really into "paranormal" stuff (not sure how to call it), but this one really got me interested.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefflion — Sun, 23 Oct 2011 19:31:59 +0100

I like this kind of stories. It has a strong coming of age vibe, which I love, but it's not the usual kind (a girl discovers her sexuality and love disappointments). Very good.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

tomato-greens — Sun, 23 Oct 2011 19:33:01 +0100

I would read this like a maniac. I saw the journalism one on the front page and was intrigued, because journalism is not the usual lead-in to teen fantasy...but this one is eye-catching for all the right reasons, I think! And I agree with everything jefflion put out there, particularly the two POV thing, because it's always a bit of an unpleasant mental jolt when I realize the POV isn't what I expected from the synopsis of a book.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefflion — Sun, 23 Oct 2011 19:35:21 +0100

The synopsis seems a bit complicated, but it reveals the vibe of the novel. It reminds me, in a way, on 28 Days Later. I understand there might not be any similarities, but it's intriguing enough for me to read your book.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

tomato-greens — Sun, 23 Oct 2011 19:37:06 +0100

I'd pick it up for sure! (I'm curious, though, would you ever find out what was behind the virus or would it just be an unexplained catalyst for everything else?)

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefflion — Sun, 23 Oct 2011 19:37:26 +0100

I think this story has a potential, especially if you focus on the "controlling the fire" aspect and the guy's key. I'd change the girl's name, if you're not too attached to it. Twilight is, unfortunately, still on everybody's mind.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

tomato-greens — Sun, 23 Oct 2011 19:40:01 +0100

This could be really really awesome, but I think you'd want to tread carefully with child abuse (on that note, I'd want clues that her parents WEREN'T so perfect because usually abuse is, as you noted, escalating).

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

tomato-greens — Sun, 23 Oct 2011 19:43:09 +0100

Man, I'd read that in a second, and honestly I don't think you'd need THAT much more plot. A lot of teen girl fiction isn't plot-driven but character-driven, and this has a whole lot of character to it. Of course, like lizo27 said, you'd need to flesh out what conflicts are inherently there between characters, but I think this is one of those stories that would benefit from a People Do Dishes And Have Stilted Conversations plot rather than People Save the World From an Unspecified Evil plot, for example.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

tomato-greens — Sun, 23 Oct 2011 19:45:39 +0100

...this is Joan of Arc, isn't it? :D

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

tomato-greens — Sun, 23 Oct 2011 19:48:08 +0100

P.S. By that I meant: I am 100% interested and would read it in a hot minute. And I don't think you have to worry about it being too similar to the original (if I was even right about the origin of the story); if Michael's corporeal, the story's already way different than the legend!

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefflion — Sun, 23 Oct 2011 20:09:52 +0100

I don't think you need more plot per se. But you need to think about all the situations revolving around this girl: what do her friends say, how do the parents behave, what happens to the boy, etc. You know, nothing spectacular, but it makes your story going. I do like realistic YA and I'd sure love to read your story.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Lnzy — Sun, 23 Oct 2011 21:40:54 +0100

@queenoftheoutlands I would read that in a heart beat. I am a sucker for stories with Dragons and I love parodies, perfect combination! My only suggestion would be to keep a tight hold on the pacing. Randomness is fun but can become boring VERY quickly if overused or overplayed. Other than that I can say I would very much like to read your story. =D Since I already posted my summary, I'll leave this part of the post blank.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Rivastro — Sun, 23 Oct 2011 21:42:26 +0100

@queenoftheoutlands The first little section had me doubtful at how fast six strangers would just gel however I really began to get interested as I read on. First I like that there are supernatural elements, I'm a sucker for that kinda thing. I'd be really eager to read about how you could go about caring for a dragon in a small town so I reckon I would definitely read it. What grabbed me most though was how you mentioned how the six are distinct individuels with their own issues as opposed to a team that were always united. That would really add to a story like that for me for more complex characters. My current story idea : Rosie is an eighteen year old girl who is in her final year of school education hoping to move on to university. She lives in small town with her parents living a normal life. However Rosie is lonely. She feels so very ordinary at school and while she has friends they arn't very close. Friends who she could chat with at lunch but not go out with very often at all and she is so shy she feels there is nothing she can do. The main basis of this story is that Rosie works in the costume shop / rental store of the town. She works nearly every school day and Saturday and as you can imagine there is limited business other than Halloween. So inside the store she creates characters from the display costumes. Without realising it, she puts part of herself in these made up people. She talks to them, imagining how they would reply, what they would do. She isn't crazy or delusional. Just lonely. My story follows her year and how she grows and changes along with the people she has created for herself in the little costume shop.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jefflion — Sun, 23 Oct 2011 23:56:57 +0100

That's an interesting premise and I do think it has potential. However, you need to find a way to make it interesting. You need to make those imaginary characters alive and interesting for the story to work.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Emy Balboa — Mon, 24 Oct 2011 03:25:07 +0100

@Rivastro jefflion hit this on the nose. It's got a lot of potential! Definitely something I would take the time to read a few chapters of before purchase. It just needs a little extra and it'll be perfect. ~~~ This is my first year ever trying to do this, so I'm pretty nervous about how well I'll do. I need to rewrite this synopsis later on with more detail, but here's what I've got so far: "Render" To keep the peace and balance of earth, the demon brothers Cipher and Cicero have been detained in an eternal slumber. In order to sustain this, the voice of one both human and demon must be forever near. For centuries, these few have lived and died as nothing more than voices with no names. This grand process is put at risk when 15-year-old Henry Young discovers that his sister was forced into this task after being taken years ago. Wanting nothing more than to see his sister home and safe once more, Henry sets out on an impossible rescue mission, accompanied only by a childhood friend. The treacherous journey before him is full of hardships and trials that threaten to push the him to his limits. His life is at risk, but the only thing that can stop him now is death.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

StevietheGreat — Mon, 24 Oct 2011 13:59:47 +0100

This sounds REALLY interesting. I mean, I would -totally- grab that at the store. It has everything a good story needs, it looks like, but the only thing I'm unclear of is what exactly the task is that Henry's sister is being forced into. Are she and a demon singing or talking or screaming or what? I want more on the childhood friend, though I supposed I would be willing to wait until I actually have started the book to find that out, so consider my curiosity piqued. Equally, is death really the only thing that can stop him? This line...idk. It grabs me a little weird because I want to understand what you mean. Otherwise: awesome!

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

StevietheGreat — Mon, 24 Oct 2011 14:06:21 +0100

Forgive me, because I know you're all tired of 'supernatural, paranormal, etc' stories for YA. But I'm a YA...well, early twenties, and this is what I enjoy reading. And writing, for that matter. I think something to remember about Young Adults, is that whatever gets them to read is an important factor in this culture of readers. Twilight may have been poorly written with a terrible plot, but think how many teens picked up a book for the first time and started to cultivate a love of language because they'd simply never had a reason to before Bella Swan. Now that I've said my piece, since it's really the only reason I've been avoiding this forum--despite stalking a few of the threads, (what not to put into your books, for example), I leave you with my synopsis. My only request is: if you have a distinct hatred of all things paranormal or supernatural, please don't review. Because you're only going to make me feel bad and I definitely wouldn't do that to you. As you were! - - - - - For centuries, protecting vampires and padding their pockets with money has been the name of the game for the simple price of the capture or kill of a werewolf. Originally, the werepanthers of Ireland were killing werewolves over invaded territory. Now, with incentives offered by the French vampire monarchy, the Kerrigan pack has quickly evolved through several generations into an elite form of werepanther primed for the destruction of werewolves. Instead, times are changing. When Cameron, heir to the Alpha of the pack, and his friends realize this life isn't exactly what they were hoping for, they go searching for something better. Acting as hired mercenaries for anyone and everyone that could utilize their elite skills, it is not until the new pack mercilessly kills that he comes to the conclusion that, no matter what he does, he cannot escape who he has been created to be. Leaving their new pack, however, comes with a price and when his friends follow through with their threat to murder his entire family if he doesn't return, Cameron finds himself running from the United Kingdom to the United States--the one place he has sworn he would never go. It is there that he befriends the most unlikely of sorts and learns to redefine himself by his own standards. Not by what everyone else expects him to be. Wherever is a novel about doing what is right even if it means losing everything in the process.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

RabbitinRed — Mon, 24 Oct 2011 14:06:57 +0100

To be honest, I'd read that purely on the basis of your city's name. Beyond that, it sounds fascinating. I like that sort of moral dilemma. One question: would releasing the people of Hollowwick cause Starryacre any problems (risk exposing them to the plague, cause them problems with food supply, etc.?) I'd be more likely to read it if they had to balance that sort of thing.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

RabbitinRed — Mon, 24 Oct 2011 14:10:03 +0100

I agree with tomato-greens -- I like the way you've phrased that. People do the Dishes Plot, that's neat. Anyway. I'd definitely read that. I quite like the idea of a middle school book about exploring alternative philosophies.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

kimby — Mon, 24 Oct 2011 16:37:28 +0100

OMG Written Word, you get a Jedi gold star backflip with caramel machiatto! Wow you went through that whole thread and posted really good critiques. Wowza! Thank you! I like your synopsis, but my thoughts are you need to keep this at his level. So while the adults maybe suspicious, have doubts, all this, along with knowing a bit more about the events surrounding 9/11 your main character doesn't know all the history, and doesn't know that for example people thought W.Bush wasn't the smartest crayon, or that his dad and the wars before. So just keep it at a kid level. But that sounds really good!

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Seat_of_Kings — Mon, 24 Oct 2011 17:15:45 +0100

@ StevietheGreat This looks like it could be an intresting book! I was a bit confused about whether the main plot would revolve around Cameron running from his ally-turned enemy pack, or if it would focus on his new friendships in the United States-I guess it could be both :) I would definitely pick this up to try it, although I'm not very good with gore, which would probably be the deciding factor here! Here's mine, I don't have a title yet... In a world where most magic users are encouraged to join the government or the military, Jyoti has a dream that stands out: she wants to use her magic to improve the art of cooking. This has been her life-long dream, and she is determined to make it happen. All her plans appear to be working out when she caters for the prestigious book auction of a recently deceased hero, but they are literally overturned by a huge gust of wind that sends the merchandise flying. She rushes to help pick up the books- too bad the first one she reaches for is bound to the person who touches it until the day they die! Horrified and angry, the government agents and top mages who had all been at the auction in the hopes of getting their hands on that paticular book complain and shout, and one of them, the second-most powerful mage in the country, goes so far as to curse Jyoti. Anything she cooks for another person will turn to ashes. Later realizing that this was a bit harsh, she offers Jyoti the chance to become her apprentice until they can figure out how to reverse the curse. This means packing up, leaving her family and joining a world where she is not paticularly welcomed by her teacher or her fellow novices, on the front lines of an impending war. And all the while the book is filling her head with new ideas and perspectives...

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

pianogirl101 — Mon, 24 Oct 2011 18:21:27 +0100

@Rivastro - I love the idea! Take some time to develop your imaginary characters and the world they "live" in. Also, it might be kind of nice to see these imaginary friends help her build strength in herself to make some real friends. but it definitely sounds like something I would pick up. @Writtenword - That sounds like a good read. Most teens don't remember September 11 and I think that would be a great way to help them understand it a little better. History is more real when the person telling it is someone you can relate to.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

LaurenHolt — Mon, 24 Oct 2011 19:08:06 +0100

This is my first time ever writing a novel. The whole thing is drawn from my own experiences (major crush on Neil Patrick Harris!) and I'm 16, so I hope I can relate. The story follows Lucie, an ordinary girl who like most 17 year olds, has a major crush on Lux Logahn, the "it" celebrity of the moment. She adored him, telling herself this was no school girl fling, but love. Deep seated love that would one day bring them together. And it did. Lucie gets the opportunity of a lifetime to see Lux, and finally tell the 19 year old her true feelings. Lucie finds herself thrown into the world of fame and fortune - with Lux on her arm. It's all she dreamed about, and her plans for the future are only just beginning. But can Lucie go from Surrey to Stardom in the space of a year, without facing the cruel and often heart breaking consequences that come with it?

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

carrieicl — Mon, 24 Oct 2011 20:08:35 +0100

I need this story in my life.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

carrieicl — Mon, 24 Oct 2011 20:16:21 +0100

I like this. I think there's been enough space since Sept. 11th to really examine a story like this and be able to focus on the character's emotions, instead of just ones' own. By the way, I have a set of relatives all named after presidents. Boring presidents. I've got an Uncle Grove (Grover Cleveland ____). You can't make that stuff up.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

kimby — Mon, 24 Oct 2011 20:33:20 +0100

Wow... I suddenly feel very old. I saw Neil Patrick Harris in "Rent" when I was 16 and I thought he was dreamy (because apparently I like guys that sing and dance. It explains why I am still single). You should read "Accidental It Girl" by Libby Street. And there are a couple other books similar sounding. Also "Starstruck" is a Disney movie with a similar theme.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

carrieicl — Mon, 24 Oct 2011 21:31:02 +0100

(It should be noted that every time I outline this, I wind up changing at least one major thing. So who knows how it will shake out.) Once upon a time -- for that is how such stories begin -- a poor man with a large family he could not feed sold his daughter in marriage to a talking lynx. The daughter, whose name was Solveig, did not fault her father. Her bride price had been flatteringly high. She was certainly not the first girl to marry for money. And if it was true that Solveig hadn't exactly wanted to be the wife of a giant talking cat, well... one makes do. Life, which was already likely to be a bit strange, begins to take an even odder twist upon Solveig's discovery that her wifely duties -- rather than the cooking, cleaning, and child-bearing she had been raised for -- involve assisting in spell experimentation and the business management of her husband's magical mail-order company. Lynxes, it turns out, have no head for accounting. If a lynx is what he is. Given that he seems very human in the dark, Solveig has her doubts. Still, she adjusts to her groom's aversion to light, the elves and dwarves and old hags constantly ringing the doorbell, and the occasional explosions in the potion lab. Then things get *really* weird. Based on Cupid and Psyche, East of the Sun and West of the Moon, and several other variations of the Aarne-Thompson 425A folklore classification"Lost Husband", Solveig's story is what happens when you mix fairy tales, logic, and antiquated economic policy based on alchemic bartering.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

LaurenHolt — Mon, 24 Oct 2011 21:51:17 +0100

Aw no that sucks:( I've never read any of those books, I don't want to copy. Any ideas of how I can change my plot a bit? I was going to have a major twist at the end, where she kills herself.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

VitaScriptis — Tue, 25 Oct 2011 01:56:29 +0100

carrieicl- Your plot sounds so cool. :D I love the originality of the idea, and it would be hard for me to NOT want to read it. It sounds like you've created a very well-rounded plot, and I would love to see just *how* weird the marriage can get. Very, very interesting! So, this summary isn't for my NaNo novel, but a YA WIP: Sam Harrison is used to being busy: she's the first chair saxophonist in the school marching band, a cross country runner, a junior in high school who also takes college classes every evening, and she's involved in just about everything else in her community. It's everyone's favorite time of year: flu season. Sam finds herself inflicted with the illness, but simply blames it on the long, cold Friday nights. However, things start to get strange when Sam, whose athletic prowess may one day match that of her musical abilities, begins to sneak in two naps a day. Soon, she can barely keep up at band practice, and she wakes up one Friday afternoon with her Chemistry homework flecked with blood. The culprit? Her nose. And this isn't a first. Finally, Sam tires of having to redo her homework assignments and missing out on the hilarity caused by her three-year-old sister, and calls the doctor. After a day or so, instead of the antibiotics she expects, Sam receives a diagnosis. A big one: acute lymphoblastic leukemia. Her Batman Converse are traded in for hospital-issue slippers, and her saxophone is traded in for a nurse-call button. Once the chemo and its side effects interfere with band, Sam finds her stress levels rising, and her mind wandering to that ever-eventful period of time before her father left and after he started hitting her mom. Struggling to attend band class at least twice a week, Sam finds it harder to cope, and eventually has to teach herself that you have to let go of the past to truly embrace the present and, equally important, the future. I know I sound like a cliche Fanfiction user, but my writing inside the story is truly much better than the summary, hehe. :P

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

hitman2097 — Tue, 25 Oct 2011 13:52:11 +0100

WrittenWord, you did such an amazing job with your replies. How could I not comment on the tweaked synopsis? Thanks for really getting in to the spirit of the thread! I am super intrigued by Jefferson's familial connections to the US Political system and I think it makes perfect sense for a boy like that to have ambitions of holding office. Throwing in the mother being killed as part of the 9/11 Pentagon crash is an ideal catalyst. I wonder: how much of the story is set before the attack, and how much after? I imagine that the majority of the book deals with the aftermath of the crash? I think the story has the potential to be a fantastic coming of age book set against an event that truly did define everyone that lived through it. Especially for someone like myself, from overseas and only just slightly older than Jefferson was at the time, it'd be fascinating to see what differences the culture and distance make to the experience. Would read! And thanks for your feedback on my story synopsis - The reason it reads awkwardly is, I admit, that I shoehorned the planned first sentence in there :-p The name 'Mission' comes from Hamish. His mother called him 'Mish' for short, and over time that evolved into the playful form, 'Mission'. So it is both his new 'name' and a play on words for the fact that he is on a mission.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

mbc2014 — Tue, 25 Oct 2011 17:41:43 +0100

@VitaScriptis Don't worry! That sounds like it could be an amazing character development story, which I'm quickly starting to love since there are so few well-executed stories like that anymore. My synopsis is a bit lengthy, but all of the information is important. In the land of Dyncra, everyone must receive an education long enough to have control over their abilities (something akin to magic; there's a basic control of the four elements, and then something specific to each person based on personality) and to be knowledgable enough to read, write, and count. On their third birthday, all children must be tested by a sentry for indicators of intelligence -- if they'll be able to do more than the basics. If they pass the test, the parents must relinquish all connections and ties with the child so s/he can be taken to the capital for more intensive schooling. They live in a section of the Harbsen's castle set aside for these children, named the Dileran School for the Special, until the summer after they turn sixteen, when they are assigned into groups of six for their final exam. This "final exam" is a journey in which the six teens must travel to the eight cities of the Dyncra to complete a task in each. If they fail to complete a task in a city, they are removed from the exam. When you depart the exam, you are given a score. Your score determines your caste, the city you will live in, the occupation you will hold, and your last name. Enter Dray. The story picks up on the vernal equinox, several months before she has to complete her final exam, when the groups are assigned for the coming summer during a feast made up specifically for this event. She's more or less indifferent toward her group -- there's Astra, an intense girl she kind of knows from several classes they've had over the years; Caden, a sweet and somewhat adorable boy who tries hard to appease everyone; Blythe, a girl armed with too much sarcasm who's more interested in being done with school and getting through the final exam as fast as possible; Arden, a fool of a boy who never takes anything seriously and will end up spending most of his time wooing women in the various cities they travel to; and Micha, a quiet boy who believes too much in stories, superstitions, and prophecies, than the real world around him. Dray has always taken whatever life has thrown at her, so to speak. She has a knack for adapting to the situation she's placed in and spent the greater part of her adolescence teaching herself how to correctly read people's emotions and facial expressions, a talent that sometimes fails her because, well, her brain is still developing. But after a a couple of these "tasks", Dray and her group begin to notice that there's something else going on here -- it's never been a test of how well they can comprehend texts or control a raging fire. In fact, the entire thing is mental and failing means being reduced to a mess the brain can't make sense of head nor tail. As the group navigates the crazy and slightly dangerous trail that's been placed before them, a current begins to appear. You see, the outcasts of Dyncra are getting restless. They know why they were thrown from society, and they know what's wrong with society. A leader has cropped up among them, Jakan, the former advisor to the Queen, and he is making sure the citizens of Dyncra know of him. Jakan and his band of outcasts plan to stage a coup so they can arise to power and fix what's wrong. Dray and her companions catch wind of Jakan and, so close to the finish line, begin to divide. Dray and Blythe think that the Queen was right in banishing Jakan, that he's insane and nothing is wrong with society. Astra, Arden, and Micha firmly believe in Jakan's view. (Caden has already failed and therefore has no say in this.) What has gotten all five so close to finishing with high scores might very well be their undoing and why they all ultimately fail. This is the first book in a trilogy (might be four, I'm still trying to figure out how fast I want the second book to move), and there's also a prophecy and romantic sub-plot surrounding Dray and Astra, but those two things are for the sake of letting Dray and Astra grow as people. This book doesn't have a happy ending, per se -- they all get placed but many of the group end up leaving on various trips, Caden reappears in an interesting light, and Dray and Blythe get left behind in Harbsen, confused as to what the hell is going on. Also, because of Astra's departure, Dray isn't sure where their relationship stands, which is even messier than one would think because those interested in the same gender or sex automatically get outcasted.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

trepverterr — Tue, 25 Oct 2011 19:27:02 +0100

@mbc2014: Wow! I love how detailed and fleshed out your summary seems to be! And yes, I would definitely read it. I like the underlying political theme (with the caste-driven society) and the main characters all sound interesting. I'm definitely excited to see how this turns out. As for my summary, i wish it could be as detailed as that, but here's what I've got: Title: Sleepyhead and the Big 7 The novel centers around 18 year old Truman Carmichael, an introverted, intelligent boy, highly ordinary with one exception: he suffers from narcolepsy. Truman's father died six months ago, and while Truman seems unaffected, his mother Catherine's mental health has been declining as a result of the death. To combat the memory loss effects of his narcolepsy, Truman writes everything down in the journals he keeps obsessively. There's just one problem--in his years of writing, he's never experienced anything truly worth remembering. The other two main characters are Elliot, eternal optimist and Truman's best friend, and Cordelia, the eccentric girl next door, for whom Truman hasn't quite yet recognized his feelings. The story begins one week before Truman's high school graduation. Truman and his friends are out of school that week--no longer students, but not yet graduates. They're prepared for a boring week, but then Truman's mother takes off, armed with Truman's father's ashes, and promptly goes missing. So the three friends set off on the mother of all road trips to find her, crossing through seven states and encountering many people and problems along the way--a hitch hiker, a traveling circus, a dangerous ex-boyfriend, and a wild party gone wrong. And somewhere amidst all the craziness, maybe, just maybe, Truman might find something worth writing down. it's very vague so far but that's what I've got!

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

ellimer — Wed, 26 Oct 2011 02:03:39 +0100

Title: Our Year with Mrs Monroe Genre: A Young Adult mystery...well sort of. Synopsis: "She's scared of pie." "She had a love affair with a fowl." "She's the evilest, vilest, most loathsome creature on this side of the world." "She's short. Yes, really short." Mrs. Monroe is many things. First an foremost she is an intergalactic police woman from Jupiter, secondly she is the English teacher at Salem High School. Twenty one kids enter her class. Through the course of a year these kids are abducted by aliens, kill snotty subs and learn how to effectively annoy telemarketers. But professorial skeptic Miss Martha McGabagat is reluctant to believe her stories. Dragging the whole class along, she sets out to discover the truth behind Mrs Monroe's wild tales. This was our year with Mrs. Monroe. It will be written in a series of investigative reports with some reports being written by other characters in the class but primarily by Martha.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Perse_Rising — Wed, 26 Oct 2011 10:39:54 +0100

@ellimer: I'm a sucker for stories about unusual teachers with unique characters. And your description of Mrs. Monroe reminds me (in a good, nostalgic way) of the Magic School Bus' Ms. Frizzle. I'd totally read it! @trepverterr: Truman has narcolepsy. I'd read it just for that, to see how well you could write it. I've actually never picked up many road trip YA, even though they're apparently really common, or used to be at least. I wouldn't mind having this one be my first one :) My Synopsis: There was a war once, over a thousand years ago, between those who wanted control of Earth, and the evolution of humanity. There were two sides: Those who wanted to become more than human, using technology and biomechanical parts to become the Technics, and those who wanted to become less than human, splicing themselves with the DNA of animals long extinct, to become the Anima. This war raged for a thousand years, with both sides using all the technology at their disposal to fight. The Technics created Cyberatics, living metal beasts to fight for them. To combat them, the Anima created Mutants. It took all the cunning and brutal creativity humanity had to continue this fight... But in the end, they could fight no more. Humanity joined as one once more, and this time, they aspired to do better. Trudy and Divebomb Moores knew about these legends. How could they not? Their father was a storyteller, an adventurer who explored the ruins of the past to tell stories in the present. Trudy took after her father in every way, both physically as a Ring-Tailed Lemur, and mentally, as a storyteller. Divebomb was found in the ruins by their father, weeping. A Scarlet Macaw Anima originally, she volunteered to become a Technic, a Hybrid, in order to better protect her sister. Settled in a peaceful Commune, they spend every sunrise basking together in the sunlight, the warmth on their skin as potent as their love for each other. One day, however, Divebomb is summoned to a nearby Factory, requesting to be taught how to make the special fuel the last emissary they sent has been raving about. While there, the two discover a part of the myth of the 13 Crystals they had never heard of. The 13 Ancient Technics sealed away to sleep forever until they found finally awaken the Last Human, Tasha. And one of them is not far from the Factory. Trudy begs her sister to go investigate, and while Divebomb is wary as she usually is, at the same time, what could the harm be? A quick look around, and they’d be done. The Ancient wasn’t supposed to wake up. Trudy wasn’t supposed to fall in love with him. And Divebomb wasn’t supposed to let her get dragged into becoming Poacher Hunters just to appease her sister’s desire to stay with the Ancient. Divebomb is going to regret awakening Commander Alexander Cole. Of that, he will make sure.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

andreamantis — Wed, 26 Oct 2011 20:13:41 +0100

Thanks for your input! It's always nice to hear that someone is interested in your story! Now I'll have to go find yours so I can comment on it! Thanks again!

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

andreamantis — Wed, 26 Oct 2011 20:18:16 +0100

@Tomato-greens Ooooh, that sounds really cool! I love how it's not a typical story about mermaids (not that I know many stories about mermaids - I just think that most stories using other mystical creatures seem to come at it from an angle that is now pretty cliched)! The hunting of mermaids! You can really do a lot with this story, and it seems like you're taking it in a really cool direction! I would LOVE to read this story!

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Sunny_Signs — Wed, 26 Oct 2011 20:34:44 +0100

I like it a lot, and would probably read it. My one complaint would be the name "Divebomb" :p it's just... different. Not bad, though not my taste, but who's to say that my taste is even good? :p My summary: Title: When Hallelujah Dropped In a world split into 7 territories plagued by war, one territory makes no alliances with any other. That territory is called "Attlon" and on it lives a young slave named Clementine. She, along with several hundred other slaves are sold by their masters to the army. They are sent to Pyra, the one and only territory that is not a part of the war, to enslave its members to fight for Attlon. However, Pyra's government becomes rightfully enraged, and construct a weapon of mass-destruction that they call, "Hallelujah." With little care at all for the "traitor" enslaved Pyrian people who now fight for Attlon, the Pyrian government releases Hallelujah to cleanse it's little land of the Attlonian menace.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

AutumnGreen — Wed, 26 Oct 2011 20:44:31 +0100

@Sunny - Your synopsis sounds intriguing! Though a tad bit confusing, it drew me in, and convinced me that this would be something I would enjoy reading. The genre would be Dystopian, correct? Here is my synopsis: After the death of his girlfriend, seventeen-year-old Jerome Lewis is left with an array of mixed emotions. Anger at himself, sorrow at the loss, and surprise, because Paris was secretly carrying his baby. Written as a letter to this unborn baby, Jerome is forced to struggle with his feelings for another girl, a dancer who holds a secret, and the strength that dwindled when Paris died.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Ellen G — Wed, 26 Oct 2011 21:58:41 +0100

@trepverterr - that sounds like a really good read! :D I'm working on something with a narcoleptic MC, but I have a feeling mine's on a scarier vein... I'd totally read something like yours too though! seems fun :) @AutumnGreen - it sounds like it's got potential, but I'd want to know more details before I decided to pick it up or not, if that makes sense? like what strength do you mean she has? she gives him strength or she has her own strength, or she's somehow tied to Paris? was just confused by that last line really. but sounds like it deals with some great YA themes :) Title: Tears in the Ashes 16-year-old narcoleptic Melika Hale wakes up in a field beneath Mt. Rainier, covered in blood, with no memory of the past hour. She soon learns that her classmate Hope has been murdered. Nobody knows that Hope was Melika's first kiss. Desperate to find the killer, Melika drives the local police crazy with her theories. Meanwhile, Melika's usual sleeplessness-induced hallucinations are getting worse. When Melika dreams a warning from a superstitious former neighbor telling her that the gods have chosen Melika as the pawn in their next reenactment, her search for a culprit takes her into the shelves of folklore. The more Melika learns about the ancient legends of the Pacific Northwest, and those of her parents' native Hawaii, the more she starts to wonder if the answer lies closer to home. After all, the gods often hurt the ones they love...

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Teide — Wed, 26 Oct 2011 21:59:39 +0100

@AutumnGreen: Ooh that plot sounds fascinating! I really like the idea of the format, and I'd be interested to see how you'd tackle the fact that seventeen-year-old boys aren't typically very open with his emotions... What inspired him to write the letters to a baby who'd never read them? Definitely makes me want to read. Sorry, but I had to say it: I am so obsessed with both Florence + the Machine and OneRepublic! Great music. This is hardly an official synopsis, but here's my plot: Ryan Halley. Male. Fifteen. Capricorn. Insomniac. Interested in music, astrology and not much else. For him, life is average. Painfully so. Rejected by his 'friends' and ignored by his teachers, every day seems like a monotonous repeat of the last and with not even a good night's sleep to look forward to, he struggles. Until one night, he stops tossing and turning in his bed and instead lies still - exhausted and sick to death of the battle his life has become. He closes his eyes, and when he opens them he's somewhere else entirely. At first he thinks he's dreaming, but no - the situation feels all too real as he looks around to find himself in what seems to be the middle of a huge concert. The SPIRAL is a nocturnal retreat for the desperate and the unappreciated and it quickly becomes the perfect escape for Ryan. However, all is not as it seems and before long Ryan begins relying on this haven far, far too heavily. His whole daytime life becomes pointless, and after a series of slips-of-the-tongue and mismatched lies, it's clear that something is being kept from him. But not for long. Ah, it's long, sorry! It's still very much a work-in-progress!

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Pawcohiccora — Wed, 26 Oct 2011 22:05:29 +0100

Well, this thread is getting pretty long. I think I'll make it longer. :D Summary: Title: ? (Any suggestions?) Two teenagers from rival tribes have been swept down the Blue River after a flood. Eyder and Skaidi are deep in the territory of their ancestral enemies. Their tribes think they're dead. And their only way home is upstream - through Beartooth territory. If they want to survive, they need to work together, but there's bad blood between their families, not to mention they're as different as night and day. It's a given they'll make it home - this is YA fiction - but I want to explore the way two people who are so different can become friends, and change each other for the better.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Wendigo — Wed, 26 Oct 2011 22:23:50 +0100

@ Tiede I'm intrigued by the SPIRAL, and I wonder what is being kept from him. I don't know what is at stake yet, but the idea of escaping your own life is a very powerful theme. I would certainly pick it up. @ Ellen G I'm immediately curious about what Pacific Northwest legends you are going to explore. The opening image, waking up in a field, covered in blood, would make me want to keep reading. Also, I can see Mt. Rainier from where I live. :) @Pawcohiccora I always love survival stories, so that element would pull me in. I'm curious about why the tribes are rivals, and why the two teenagers are so different. Is one more outgoing? Is one better at survival tactics? I'm also always curious about different societies, so learning about how their cultures work would be a major page turner for me. Also, as far as title, you could try something relating to setting, something about the Blue River. I'm never very good at titles, though. :( Here is mine Title: Pretend There's a Door After leaving her husband, Alex's mother decides they should move in with her sister, (they meaning Alex (11), his mom Dot, and his little sister Em(8)). Aunt Netta still lives in their childhood home, and cannot refuse her sister's wayward family. While dealing with the relocation, missing his father, and getting used to Aunt Netta, who seems less than thrilled to be sharing her house, Alex gets to know some of the neighborhood children. Unfortunately, not all of these new friends are alive. Alex must solve a decades old murder, deal with eccentric ghosts, and save his sister from sharing their fate.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Phaze- — Thu, 27 Oct 2011 00:58:07 +0100

Wendigo, Interesting premise, however I feel that given the majority of books these days (most notable sellers, I mean) are paranormal and mysterious sorts of stories like yours (perhaps I am mistaken, but that was the vibe I got from it), it has a slight 'rehash' sort of feel to me, just from this little synopsis here. Perhaps you've planned several interesting and serpentine twists that take the genre notions and spin it on its head, but to me I'm not horribly enthralled by it (though I've never been such a huge fan of paranormal/horror type stories, so what do I know?). My story is currently titled 'Axis of Symmetry' and takes place somewhere in the year 5B Anno Domini. Man has outlived it's home planet by means of interstellar travel and terraforming; However, all known planets were terraformed back in 3.5B A.D. The story sees the two remaining space colonies (the Bacillus and the Daedalus) struggling for survival in the void of space. All on board the ship have lived for hundreds of thousands of years thanks to the advancements made in Stasis in the year 4B, causing them to experience complacency in all that they do, as the age of technological advancements ended somewhere around 3.7B. The two space colonies meet with flaring tensions, fighting for dwindling resources and the first to claim a new home. They carry with them the tools necessary to complete their tasks, but the question remains; Will they survive long enough to fulfill it?

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Perse_Rising — Thu, 27 Oct 2011 05:09:16 +0100

I just wanted to say, thank you for confirming what I already knew. I liked Divebomb at first, but as her character grew, the name stopped feeling right to me. Now I think she has a better name: Trials. Bomber is still her nickname though, mainly because that's the part of the name that me and my writing partner liked the most :)

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

gavrielle — Thu, 27 Oct 2011 06:24:38 +0100

@ wendingo: i would definitely read that. I'm kinda a sucker for the books where "the people are really dead" or "the people are really dead and are all hallucinations of the MC who is actually schizophrenic". I read/watch a surprising number of books/movies with that twist... I feel like you would have to work to make it original, but it could be done into a really good book. @phaze: I would read it. I don't quite understand why they are the two remaining colonies, but I like future books, I like space books, and I like war books, so I would read it. Makes me think of an Orson Scott Card book a little... Working Title: The Lost and the Found My story follows two teenagers through a couple months of school, following summer break. Kayla is missing presumed dead, and most people assume it's either suicide or she ran away. Her boyfriend knows something he's not telling, and he's blaming Aiden, her best friend. Embry, the other best friend, who feels at fault for being absent most of the summer, tries to keep her life from spiraling out of control, and fights to not relapse with her anorexia, a problem she thought was solved 3 years ago. Aiden tries to find himself, and stay strong for Embry, but wonders how he can when there is such a gap missing from their lives. They can't move on, but they can't grieve either, not knowing if Kayla is alive or dead. It's a story of friendship, a story of healing, and a typical teenage story of finding yourself. And wow I suck at summarizing...

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Mallorca Writer — Thu, 27 Oct 2011 12:54:54 +0100

The story of Moses?

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Mallorca Writer — Thu, 27 Oct 2011 12:59:07 +0100

Is the story told from the POV of the father? That's not very appealing to young people. I would tell the story from the daughter's POV. I would change the title to How to raise a father, save the world, etc.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

pianogirl101 — Thu, 27 Oct 2011 15:33:58 +0100

@Wendigo - I think the story could have real potential. Just be careful of becoming too "Sixth Sense". I enjoy those kind of stories, but the plots do tend to be pretty much the same. So really flesh out your story line and plot and I think you could have a good thing going! :) I'd read it! @Pawcohiccora - I enjoy survival stories, so that immediately piques my interest! I'm really curious as to what rivalries are between your characters and how they're going to overcome that. I'd definitely pick that up! :) @Teide - That reminds me of a Twilight Zone episode I saw a while back and in as good way. I really like the concept you've got going and am thinking that I would definitely take that story home! :)

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

lefty013 — Thu, 27 Oct 2011 15:43:15 +0100

@gavrielle I would definitely pick it up and flip through it. The specifics would have to convince me to actually read it, but it would catch my interest for sure. My novel Title: 4Real Fletcher Cox is obsessed with dead rockstars. Ruby Holt is trying to conceal her anorexia from her conservative Catholic neighbors. When they begin to fall for each other, they experience a fall from grace. Ruby's old friends start boxing her out and she begins to see the terrifying truth behind Fletcher's mystery as he begins to plan their disappearance. Basically, it's a story about two troubled teenagers falling in love in the context of Richey Edwards.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Melmes — Thu, 27 Oct 2011 18:53:26 +0100

LOVE this idea. I love that you are referencing Arthuriana - which is my field - but especially love the twist in authorship it promises - ho's writing this thing? You or the grandfather? And what IS real? I would definitely read this book.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Melmes — Thu, 27 Oct 2011 18:54:51 +0100

This sounds fun, and I would definitely have read it as a child because I would have identified big-time with Winifred. :)

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Melmes — Thu, 27 Oct 2011 18:56:28 +0100

I like the idea of the story's being told from the father to his unborn child. If you have never read it, there's a wonderful medieval work called "Pearl" that is also a father speaking to his dead child, and you might have a look as a parallel to your story. :)

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Melmes — Thu, 27 Oct 2011 18:59:20 +0100

Mine is a re-visioning of the Arthurian legend for modern YA readers: The Camelot County* Knights are up for a record: five consecutive state championships in football. But team captain Arthur is having a hard time keeping his head in the game thanks to the arrival of English exchange student Gwyneth Owen. Arthur’s emo sister Morgan and brainy step-brother Kevin (“K”) each have their own reasons for not wanting to see Arthur lead his team to victory. Can the Mighty Knights achieve their Holy Grail? (a fictitious county in Virginia)

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Melmes — Thu, 27 Oct 2011 19:01:04 +0100

What I would really look forward to in this book is learning a lot of cultural information about the two tribes. If that were there, I would read this.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Melmes — Thu, 27 Oct 2011 19:30:27 +0100

This is interesting. I would probably pick it up and thumb through it, skim some random pages, and decide from that whether to read further. Strong writing will make or break this idea.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Melmes — Thu, 27 Oct 2011 19:33:38 +0100

The first idea is significantly stronger and will probably make a better novel than the second.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Melmes — Thu, 27 Oct 2011 19:36:28 +0100

If you do a good job with the culture shock and it is realistic, not stereotypical, this would definitely be a book I would enjoy reading - but you have to tread a really fine line between presenting the different world and bias in favor of one or the other that turns it into farce.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Melmes — Thu, 27 Oct 2011 19:37:45 +0100

This looks like fun, but I agree you need to streamline the plot to make it work.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Melmes — Thu, 27 Oct 2011 19:39:31 +0100

I love the quirky main character, and although I am sick to death of 9/11 this and 9/11 that, he might be enough to get me to read this book, if his poems were good. :)

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Melmes — Thu, 27 Oct 2011 19:40:04 +0100

I would definitely read a few pages to check this one out. I'm intrigued.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Melmes — Thu, 27 Oct 2011 19:43:03 +0100

This is not my kind of story - but I love the last line of your synopsis.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

NaNo_Eri — Thu, 27 Oct 2011 20:29:32 +0100

Melmes- I think you may have killed my brain. In a good way. XD I'm not generally attracted to any story that has to do with sports, but the fact that it's connected to the Arthurian legend makes me very interested. My Synopsis: Can spirits still exist in space, or are they permanently tied to Earth? Esther Brandt, a 17 year old girl, has the ability to see ghosts, but at the age of eight she moved to a colony orbiting Earth and has not seen a single spirit since. She thought that perhaps the apparitions could not leave Earth, until she receives a strange message on her computer. Suddenly her belongings begin to float and odd noises wake her up at night. At first it's harmless and somewhat exciting, but when the haunting starts to get aggressive it's up to Esther and her friends to figure out what's going on and stop it before the colony has to be shut down... or worse.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

pianogirl101 — Fri, 28 Oct 2011 02:05:46 +0100

@melmes - I love King Arthur stories and I totally LOVE football! I'd definitely pick that one up! :)

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

thebookworm47 — Fri, 28 Oct 2011 06:32:50 +0100

@NaNo_Eri - I must admit your story sounds intriguing. I love the idea of mixing supernatural elements with sci-fi (the whole idea of a space colony). I'd definitely pick it up and give it a chance :D My Novel (I'm super nervous about posting this ahaha) :P Title: Twelve It begins and ends with time. The Stave, a mysterious golden pocket watch, has been passed down throughout history, from man to woman to child, since the late 1700’s. When it finally finds itself in the hands of one Atticus Nathaniel Sparrow, the world of magic breathes anew. For lost to time is the small village of Oxshire, weak in appearance but threaded with a powerful source of enchantment. Only two can truly learn how to harness this strange pocket of magic – one, a man named Malachi who finds himself frozen in the world stopped to time, and Nate, the teenage boy who must choose to save everything. As the watch brings him to Oxshire, he discovers that the town will remain in stasis only until his twelve visits expire. Until then he has a choice to make – he can either tap into his Wiccan heritage and destroy the darker side of this magic, in the form of the warlock Malachi, or he can allow the world to remain frozen, forcing the dark magic to continue seeping out into reality. Nate is thrown into an adventure he could never have imagined, and the clock is ticking.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

dolphinherovamp5 — Fri, 28 Oct 2011 08:09:31 +0100

I've already posted on here, but I've currently revised my synopsis. @gavrielle A bit cliche, but probably something I'd check out. :D I think it'll turn out quite well. Withered: In the city of Coos Bay, Oregon, four teenage friends live with average circumstances. Then, a boy named Nick Reid meets a girl named Victoria Powell. Victoria is a mystery to him and he wants to figure her out. No matter how far he has to go. During this time, his friends deal with their own personal problems. Holly Stein, the quiet one, tries to make everybody proud and ends up going through all types of obstacles to let everybody have what they want. Chloe Murphy, a girl with a knack at being tough, deals with her mother’s death and a secret romance with a boy who shouldn’t be hidden. And Caine Murphy, Chloe’s twin brother, must overcome their mother’s death and help his boyfriend fight a drug addiction. When the mystery thickens and situations become more hostile, their lives begin to spin out of control, eventually leading them on a journey to the sunshine state. Not only to escape for a little bit, but to also find out who is Victoria really and what was she hiding. “We will forever wither.”

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

young-mariner — Fri, 28 Oct 2011 13:05:51 +0100

@thebookworm47 This definitely sounds like a book I'd bring home. I have a weakness for wibbly-wobbly-timey-wimey and magical artefacts. Also I have a weakness for the name Nathaniel! I'd be really intrigued to find out how The Stave relates to Oxshire and how Malachi causes problems for Nate. Good luck with it!

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Melmes — Fri, 28 Oct 2011 13:22:39 +0100

@Nano-Eri - I'm not a big fan of football either, but I needed a sport that a lot of people in a small rural county would care about, and that could be "joust-like" and figured the one-on-one hits would make for a good sub-in for a modern readership, lolol We'll see - it's going to be fun to recast things! I'm looking forward to a lot of creative playtime with this one. I'm loving Morgan, Arthur's sister - in my head she's deliberately provocative and challenging authority, and a complete foil to her brother, even though they actually have a lot in common. Because it's a small town, it makes it easy to keep Arthur's nephews in, subbing them as cousins, and of course the arrival of anyone new makes for automatic intrigue in a small town, so I'm looking forward to the culture shock Gwyneth is going to suffer when she shows up. @painogirl - thanks for the encouragement!! I'm glad to see some interest in the idea!

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Melmes — Fri, 28 Oct 2011 13:23:54 +0100

I would certainly page through it, especially with a compelling cover. If the writing were good - my most important qualification - I'd probably buy it.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

dolphinherovamp5 — Fri, 28 Oct 2011 23:46:37 +0100

*the golden state

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

hgrreen — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 02:13:49 +0100

@dolphinhervamp5 Hey I think your summary sounds really interesting. I like all the different characters you have involved but I'm having some trouble seeing how all these subplots tie together. This _is_ just a summary, but it just seems like there's a lot going on with nothing really serving to unify all of it? I think this is really more an issue of the summary maybe than the structure of your novel (this is pretty obvious I guess but I didn't want you to take that the wrong way haha) But my interest is definitely piqued and I'd read this book. My novel is tentatively titled Away, Away at the moment: Harper isn't good. She's rough around the edges and she's fast, and smart, and beautiful -- but mostly beautiful. And she knows it. Beneath this shiny exterior is a girl who's been abused by the men in her life (neglected, taken advantage of, passed around, objectified) and has lost herself somewhere in the tug and pull of the high school social order. Somehow she got caught in the headlights. It's reached the point where boys use her, and girls avoid her, and there is officially no one left. That's when Marshall comes along, all tall and dark and somehow too wrong, too lovely. Harper latches on to him, hungry for affection and love, and they form a Something -- not a relationship and not a friendship either. It's nameless, and the moment she tries to give it a name, he disappears. Harper finds herself suddenly not at a new low, but rock bottom. Here's how she finds her way up ( I know, this line is corny buuut.... yeah.)

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

superstarlala — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 02:26:52 +0100

My Little Secret Coffehouse Naomi thought she was just average. She had good grades and great friends and she loved music and performing. So one day when a mysterious box and envelope with a key and directions is dropped on her doorstep she decides to follow it and she ends up finding a pretty old building in the "secret" part of town. When her best friend, Hannah sees it, she has an idea to open up a secret coffeehouse- only for teenagers. And without thinking Naomi says yes, and with the help of Hannah and her two sisters, they start a coffee house. But soon the letters keep coming, and trying to deal with school, running your own coffee house, and keeping your overprotective parents from finding out may be enough to make Naomi break.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

NightMuse — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 02:29:43 +0100

andreamantis: Really like your synopsis....it definitely pulls you in and makes you want to see what's next. The only thing I would change for the synopsis is compact the information about two accidents to a fatal car accident claimed her father and left Pru in a coma for months. Here goes mine, be gentle:) Title: Soul Sacrifice: Book 2 of the Night Muse Trilogy Amid the 80,000 abandoned buildings in Detroit, a battle shrouded in secrecy is brewing over the control of the city. The Olympian, Ares, runs the city as his own personal kingdom for the entertainment of the Immortals. Detroit’s main attraction is The Corner (Old Tiger Stadium) where teenagers are possessed by the immortals to battle each other on a nightly basis. Ares endless supply of gladiators is all the more accessible because the abandoned buildings of Detroit have become the flame for moths of ravers, vandals, scavengers, and urban explorers. The Olympians, Apollo and Hermes, are struggling to shield the citizens of Detroit from the deadly hobbies of Ares. The key to the entire conflict, Calliope, has just gotten a backstage pass to underworld of Detroit when Apollo recognized her for what she was: a Night Muse. A Muse is a human that carries the soul of an Olympian within her, which gives the god immense power. Until Calliope reaches adulthood and awakens as a Bright Muse, there is no way to determine who her soul mate is. The immortals start to draw Calliope and the people she loves into a deadly chess match. With her best friend’s life at stake, Calliope must seize control of her destiny and eliminate the deadly threat herself.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Arianna Erlaine — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 04:26:29 +0100

@hgrreen: I don't think I would read it, but mostly because I can't figure out what it's about. Is there a way to rephrase? It's clear who Harper is, but the rest, the story itself, is coming across a little too vague. @superstarlala: I'd be interested in reading, maybe. It looks like the mysterious letters are only a catalyst for the rest, and while they keep coming, there's a vibe that the letters aren't really a big deal to the character. With only the first letter, I might read it, and with more letters that /keep/ acting as a catalyst for changes in the MC's life, my interest in the mysterious would totally be piqued enough to read it.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

superstarlala — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 04:29:36 +0100

so... do you think it would be better if it was only the first letter?

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Arianna Erlaine — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 05:07:58 +0100

First Light, Last Breath: Fatima was a happy girl with plenty of friends and cousins back home, but when her family moves to another country, she struggles to fit in with girls who look down on her foreign fashions and customs. Hoping to impress them and make new friends, she accepts their dares and puts on a cursed bracelet, but once on, it won't come off! Now the bracelet transports her to a new world every day, where people she knows don't recognize her and danger lurks at every turn. Now she must fight to survive and get home, but it's not that simple-- the strain of transport is slowly killing her, and time is running out.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Arianna Erlaine — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 05:18:50 +0100

Either that, or make the later letters a bigger part of the story. Two ways you can go with this, that I see: 1. Have only one letter, and make the story all about Naomi juggling school, parents, and the secret coffee house. This is a strong, solid story, and there's even room for obvious sequels if you put another letter in at the very last scene (or have a new 'clue' about the mysterious original letter). 2. Have letters throughout the story, and make the story be about Naomi struggling to understand the letters and track them to the source. The real problem with this story is that it's easy to go on tangents while writing, and there are too many /parts/ to the story without enough pages to explore all the relevant parts. It's difficult to balance, and it's difficult to know how much to cut when editing it later. Overall, school, parents, friends, and [possibly] even the coffee house will have to be muted and unimportant to Naomi when compared with the mystery of the letters. I'd be interested in either, but the first is a possible series and the second is definitely a solo YA book-- when I think of it that way, I'm definitely more interested in reading the possible series.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 06:14:48 +0100

If I were to read this summary on the back of the book, I honestly think I would have problems picking this up to read, even if the story itself was a good read. There just isn't anything that makes it stand out at this point from other summaries for apocalypse story lines, but that may come with the actual writing, when you can flesh out the characters more and build upon how the mind-sickness works.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 06:19:26 +0100

I'm going to second what you said. I see this more as a novel geared towards an adult audience, rather then young adults. Now, if the daughter who shows up says that she is from the future, and they are the same age... that... that might make an interesting story for young adults. It would be hard to write, and might likely be better suited for a Manga.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 06:25:00 +0100

One one side, the summary has drawn me in, but on the other side the plot seems a bit chaotic.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 06:28:41 +0100

If this were the summary on the back of a Young Adult novel, I honestly think I would pick it up to read. As another person has pointed out, it can get a bit tricky though.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

hgrreen — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 06:35:12 +0100

Haha yeah I am awful at summarization but I sort of really didn't know what to focus on completely because there was another aspect of the story I didn't get into here. I don't want to be annoying and stuff about this, but does this sound any better to you? Harper isn't good. She's rough around the edges and she's fast, and smart, and beautiful -- but mostly beautiful. And she knows it. Beneath this shiny exterior is a girl who's been abused by the men in her life (neglected, taken advantage of, passed around, objectified) and has lost herself somewhere in the tug and pull of the high school social order. It's reached the point where boys use her, and girls avoid her, and there is officially no one left. There's the drugs and the alcohol. And suddenly there's Marshall: tall and dark and somehow too wrong, too lovely. Harper latches on to him, hungry for affection and love, and they form a Something -- not a relationship and not a friendship either. When he leaves her, she finds herself in the company of a once forgotten friend, despite everything. This is how she rebuilds. In regards to your story: I think it sounds interesting, and really original. I like the different issues you're discussing within a kind of fantasy setting, but I personally wouldn't read it. It just sounds like it's geared toward a younger audience maybe.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 06:43:40 +0100

@ Arianna Erlaine - I like your story line. I am left wondering if the girl is Hispanic and if the bracelet actually comes from her culture. Or is she moving from America to another country and the bracelet has something to do with that country. Rose Garden - When you become a Freshman in high school, you are supposed to leave behind the childish dreams of both elementary and middle school. Emily decides to become an adult over the summer, breaking away from the embarrassing kids stuff that plagued her through her pre-high school years. However, her imaginary friend Avon crops up, making it so that things aren't anywhere near as simple as they were. Certain things she thought to be imaginary seem suddenly to be quiet real.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 06:50:10 +0100

I don't think I would pick up your story. I've seen this particular summary before, and the stories I've read for them tend to really go no where and not really have a plan to them, not to mention they just ramble. Harper also seems like the kind of character who comes across as if she is a Mary Sue. My advice for you is to come up with how you want your story to end, so you have something to work with. I also suggest giving Harper some actual flaws, and no being "rough around the edges" doesn't count, nor does the bad things that happen to her because of someone else. Perfect characters are boring.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 06:52:41 +0100

I would read your story, simply because the summary is enough to draw me in. It is one of those though, you'll need to be careful with that it keeps the readers interest, because while I like to finish almost everything I read, a lot of teenagers have a short attention span these days. Don't make it overly complex, but don't talk down to the reader too.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 06:55:13 +0100

Well, my advice that I left in reply to your first post still stands. Making a good story is more then just having a plot line that sounds interesting, and something you should work on before you start in, is fleshing out in your mind, your characters some more.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 06:57:18 +0100

The summary honestly doesn't draw me in. This isn't to say that your story won't be a good one, but if I were to pick this up in the store, I would decide to check out some reviews before picking it up even at the library.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 07:02:36 +0100

While I think the whole magic watch thing has been done before... clocks of some kind are prevalent in the time travel genre and very much expected... the elements are unique, as are the characters, so I would pick this up to read.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

RaspberrySwirly — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 07:04:00 +0100

I shall go through and comment on summaries up that way, but here's my synopsis. The title's the working-est of working titles. Title: Sunshine Synopsis: Everyone always assumes that people who claim to see or hear things are crazy, but Jacqueline Sunshine, better known as Jack, knows that isn't the case. She can hear and see these things, too. Faced with the responsibility of raising her younger sister Lucy - who's also got the same talent - on her own, Jack uses her gift to her advantage. She sells herself as a freelance spiritual medium, pretending to cleanse buildings of bad spirits or making contacts with lost loved ones as a means to get cash quick. Things have gone fairly smoothly from her ruse for about a year, until she comes across Chloe Archer. Chloe and her family hire Jack as a medium despite her having absolutely no experience. Needing the cash and faced with a rather sizable payment, Jack goes for it anyway. Unfortunately for her, she realizes rather quickly that pretending to be an exorcist has consequences. A lot of them.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

RaspberrySwirly — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 07:05:48 +0100

That's rather intriguing! Which direction are you going with that? My mind naturally wants to make it scary. Also, imaginary friends becoming real now makes me think of the Sims 3.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

RaspberrySwirly — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 07:06:42 +0100

This reminds me of an episode of Are You Afraid of the Dark, which is a huge compliment because I adore that show. I would definitely read this!

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 07:08:15 +0100

This honestly sounds like a good story. I think the overlap with the supernatural may get some girls interested in the sci-fi genre.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

RaspberrySwirly — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 07:13:33 +0100

Aw I have a Chloe too! I like the last line of the summary a lot. The other bits are a little unclear as to what's going on. It feels disjointed. I think I can see the plot but as it stands it mostly reads as a character summary. With a little work it could be a rather good summary that'll draw people in!

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

RaspberrySwirly — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 07:16:31 +0100

Before even finishing reading the summary, my first thought is Rose Red by Kerstin Geir. That novel also involves a magical time-travel instrument from way back when. Just a heads-up, so you don't get blindsided later if someone makes the comparison. Now, moving on! I particularly like the last line. I'm not sure I'd take this book home if I saw it in the store or library, but I'd definitely consider it.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 07:20:46 +0100

In the long run, the sports genre is a hard sell when it is just words put down to paper. That's why I like live action movies and television, not to mention graphic novels and animation for this genre. Even with the symbolism that there is more to the story then just a sports story, it is a hard sell at this point, but I think that the something more could be very interesting in the long run.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 07:22:07 +0100

While your story summary perks my interest, I am not sure if it would perk the interest of the intended audience... it needs something.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 07:24:56 +0100

I think this is one of those stories I'd be on the border as to whether I would read it or not. It is one where I think I would have to open up to the first chapter, because there are lots of books with this kind of story line, so it very much depends on the actual story on whether or not it sells.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 07:27:17 +0100

While this is a story I might pick up, I honestly feel as if it is something more in line with what an adult would pick up rather then a teenager. A small piece of advice is to start fleshing out your characters before we start into the novel writing for this next month.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Arianna Erlaine — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 07:28:44 +0100

I used to /love/ that show, but I only remember one episode involving a swimming pool and another involving paintings that stole the soul of the painters. I am so going to have to dig up that show... thanks!

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

RaspberrySwirly — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 07:32:59 +0100

Oh that's just sad. But definitely intriguing. I would be compelled to flip through, for sure.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 07:33:11 +0100

I would read this book, simply because I like stories that deal with the main character "[solving] a decades old murder, [dealing] with eccentric ghosts, and [saving] his sister from sharing their fate." That said, there are a LOT of stories that have this kind of premise, so there needs to be something else to draw them in. Dot and Em's name also feel like a turn off for some reason.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

RaspberrySwirly — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 07:35:06 +0100

It made me think of one of the earliest episodes that happens to be one of my favorites. A girl moves in with her cousin and they dare her to go into a haunted house, and she winds up seeing a ghost in a mirror. The Tale of the Lonely Ghost!

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 07:35:50 +0100

Since there are a few days before we can start writing, I am going to suggest doing some research into actual Native American tribes, or if they are fictional tribes, expanding on the dynamics of your world, not to mention fleshing out the characters. Because at this point, I'm likely to over look the story because it has been done before, and it really doesn't stand out.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 07:38:40 +0100

If it is a slash novel, I'm not likely to pick it up simply because of my preferences when it comes to my reading. That said, the summary sounds interesting, but it also seems to have some things that still need to be worked out, even if they come after the first draft. It also seems borderline between YA and an adult novel.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Arianna Erlaine — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 07:39:41 +0100

Hispanic? Oh, wow, I was going for Middle Eastern. It's actually a fantasy setting; her parents are ambassadors who have been recalled. The bracelet is a historical oddity, it was presented to the local ruler generations ago as a gift and only later discovered to be "cursed." It ends up not even being of their own world. :) Rose Garden looks interesting. I think for me, what would cinch whether I read it or not would actually be the cover art, it's that close a thing.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Arianna Erlaine — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 07:42:10 +0100

I'm a little confused-- is she an exorcist for a year before the consequences, or it is her first time?

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

RaspberrySwirly — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 07:45:03 +0100

Just your run-of-the-mill fake medium. No exorcisms or anything. It's kind of a crap summary because I literally just made it up.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Arianna Erlaine — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 07:52:26 +0100

Lol to that. xD A lot of summaries are written on the spur of the moment like that.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 08:13:59 +0100

While this is a story line I might pick up, I am going to have to ask if you've read "The First Part Last" by Angela Johnson. It is a story about a sixteen year old boy whose girlfriend dies in child birth while giving birth to their daughter, and the chapters are written almost as if it is a bunch of letters to his daughter to tell her about her mother. If you have read it, be careful about taking stuff from the novel, but instead come up with your own way of telling the story. If you haven't read the novel yet, after NaNoWriMo is over, I suggest picking it up. The book got both the Coretta Scott King Award AND the Michael L. Printz Award in 2004. Actually, I suggest reading any of the books that is on the Coretta Scott King Award, because you are likely to find yourself a few role models to look up to, like the writer Angela Johnson, which is very important for young writers. Most of all, remember that NaNoWriMo is about turning out a rough draft, not a finished project. Enjoy writing the story you put down. Writing takes practice and this is a good age to start learning. :D

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 08:17:45 +0100

I remember seeing your summary posted over in the introduction thread, or something like that. Anyways, while I would pick up your story based on your summary, I still hold I am not sure if most teenagers would. Normally, this kind of story line shows up in adult novels, not young adult, which is why I repeat the fact that you should simply write your story, then decide who the intended audience is.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 08:21:37 +0100

The summary you wrote here honestly draws me in. I am not sure if the intended audience is really 14-21, it feels more like 16+, which means it is more likely to be an adult novel, rather then a young adult novel. I say, write your story and then decide whether or not it is a young adult novel or an adult novel. If it does come across as a young adult novel, then you can think of a summary that would be more appealing towards that particular age group.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 08:27:12 +0100

I would have problems picking up your story, but I think the middle school students who enjoy zany adventure stories might pick this up. A small note, just because there is a secret involved, doesn't mean it is mystery genre. Mystery genre is very complex, and her secret just doesn't sound complex.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 08:30:13 +0100

Can I take a gander that you just graduated high school not to long ago? Anyways, I think the story line is interesting, but the fact Truman is graduating and suddenly becoming an adult makes its appeal as a young adult novel actually go down.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 08:35:30 +0100

This is an interesting story idea. A lot of thought went into this. That said, I could tell that you were a young author due to the fact you are already thinking about whether your story should be a trilogy or not. As some one who has been writing for a very long time, I am going to pass on a piece of advice other writers have told me. Focus first on telling the first story that involves the characters and don't at all worry about a possible sequel. Then, when you finish the first novel, if you feel comfortable writing a sequel, do so. Don't force yourself to do so either. Anyways, good luck and hope this helps you out.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 08:42:28 +0100

So, this does sound like a story line I might possibly pick up. Since it seems you have written fanfiction before, I think you'll understand me cautioning you to be careful about turning Sam into a Mary Sue. She seems very, very perfect to start off with, with not flaws to be seen until later on. It is impossible for her to have been perfect in the first place, even if the flaw is barely noticed by other people... but then that may be part of why she breaks, she only thinks her world is perfect. Anyways, for the rough draft of your story, honestly don't worry about the Mary Sue things, because you can work them out later on when you go back and fix up the story for publication. Hope this helps. :D

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Arianna Erlaine — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 08:52:46 +0100

Yeah, mine's definitely geared for younger. ^^ I don't think I'd pick up your story either, and part of it is for the same reason-- you're writing for an audience younger than me. However... Cathrine raises some good points. What I've been trying to figure out is what the /story/ is. You give a premise, but how does she rebuild? What is she rebuilding? Where's she going with it-- and why? The way you're describing it is just too vague. With Cathrine's remarks in mind, I'm wondering if this is something you should wait to summarize until after it's written, so you yourself know where it's going. With a clear plot and ending in mind, it can be a lot easier to type these ideas out.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Melmes — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 13:48:42 +0100

Catherine - good point, and well-taken. The football is just background - sure, there will be a few game scenes, but that's sort of "the focus without being the focus" - the book is really about Arthur and his relationhips - the family dynamics of the step-brother and Arthur and his sister, the straining of Arthur's friendships because of Gwyneth, the ultimate fallout between Arthur and his defensive and offensive captains - one a cousin, the other a best friend - over Gwyneth, and so forth; it's mainly about the idealism of the group concerning winning that championship, its solidarity in that single effort, being shattered by relationships, and the result of that in a small-town setting where everything has been about that trophy for so long. think about the King Arthur legend - the football is the quest, but the focus is on the knight(s) on that quest much more so than the quest, itself. I was looking for a modern angle from which to approach the legend materials, and one that might resonate with middle and high school students. :o)

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

nobody_knows — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 21:54:52 +0100

I personally wouldn't read it, but that's because I'm not really into the paranormal thing like that. However it does sound good for the genre, albeit a little different at the same time. I am curious about her past though - what has made me want to pick the book up and read a couple of pages is that you haven't really explained enough! Now that I have finally decided what I am going to write for NaNo, here is mine!!! Untitled Bound together by blood, torn apart by a curse... Isabelle Collins lives in the past; Lucie Jones in the present. Lucie has just moved in to her friend's posh London townhouse while on winter break from school. But the old Victorian house seems to be hiding a lot of secrets...like the mirror where Tessa swears she's seen another girl. A girl who looks exactly like her. Tessa suddenly finds herself plunged into Victorian London, a dark London full of secrets, searching for a twin she never knew she had, and a curse that threatens to kill them both...

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

alehayes — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 03:00:52 +0000

It sort of sounds like The Village, in a way. I love The Village (apparently, I'm in the minority there), so I'd be interested to see the direction your story goes in.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Dezzay — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 03:34:43 +0000

Same here. It sounds good though, i just don't think i'd take it.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

decodedjoy — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 05:24:29 +0000

@nobody_knows I think you have some very strong ideas here. Living in the past versus living in the present. A mirror that is possibly enchanted or cursed. A creepily fascinating doppelganger (or twin? or spirit?). Time travel. Impending death. Dark secrets. Dramatic shifts in one's identity. However, when I read your synopsis, the first things I thought were Who is Tessa? What happened to Isabelle and Lucie? I'm so confused. Is Tessa Lucie's friend who owns the posh London townhouse? The only time Lucie and Isabelle are mentioned are in the first sentence, then the rest of the synopsis is about Tessa... but I have no idea who any of these girls are. How old are they? Where are they from? What do they want? Do they know each other? Why should we care about them? If Tessa is the main character, why did you choose to introduce Isabelle and Lucie in the first sentence instead of her? As it is right now, I wouldn't read it.. But, like I said, you have some strong, interesting ideas. There's a lot of potential. It's just a matter of further figuring out how to best organize your plot and flesh out your characters (something I am learning to work on more as well). Be more clear. I think after you've fine-tuned your novel, it would be something that I'd want to read. :) Best of luck to you! You can do it! :)

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

alehayes — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 06:01:57 +0000

Title-Bad Princess: The Truth Behind Happily Ever After Hastily and badly-written synopsis, from the viewpoint of the narrator, Caleb: I'm sure you've heard the fairy tales. You know what I'm talking about...a jealous villain is out to get an innocent princess, a handsome prince comes to the princess's aid, and the two ride off into the sunset together (once that nasty villain is taken care of, of course). The problem with these stories? They're all lies. You only hear one side of the story. The side they want you to hear. These so-called "heroines" aren't the chaste little girls they say they are, but it's much easier to place the blame on someone else, now isn't it? But I know these girls, and I know the truth. I think it's about time you did too. As of right now, the plan is to take on multiple fairy tales, beginning with Snow White (the truth behind that one is that she's a tramp with daddy issues).

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Perse_Rising — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 06:11:42 +0000

I actually figure we'll first send it in to the publishing company that's trying to create a New Adult genre, there's been a bit of talk about it in other threads. If they don't take it up, we'll market it for adults. That sounds like a solid plan, right? :) And thank you for commenting that the summary draws you in. I'm still not happy with it, but at least it's working for now, right?

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

decodedjoy — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 07:38:28 +0000

I would read this. Seriously. Your story sounds great. :) Something that could add an extra kick of intrigue to your synopsis would be to hint at what truths you're going to reveal without explicitly telling us which princess or what fairy tale you're going to be breaking down. You said that there'll be a tramp with daddy issues? That's interesting. :) I'd suggest putting a little more detail in between these two paragraphs: [quote=alehayes] . . . but it's much easier to place the blame on someone else, now isn't it? [insert detail here] But I know these girls, and I know the truth. I think it's about time you did too. [/quote] After I read your synopsis, the things that I wondered about your story (also, the reasons why I would want to read your story) are: Why does Caleb need us to know the truth? If these princesses aren't heroines, then who is? Is it Caleb? How do I know that Caleb is even trustworthy? What's Caleb's story? What makes him a likeable character and (hopefully/ ideally) a hero? Does Caleb fall in love with any of the princesses? How does he know them? Since you're picking apart some well-loved fairy tales and basically disillusioning everyone (in a fascinating, creative, tasteful way, I'm sure), does Caleb at least gets his happy ending? If not, why not? What I hope for in your story is that all of the fairy tales tie together and that there is a sense of cohesiveness between everything. I think it has the potential to be AMAZING, but it could also feel choppy if you aren't intentional about your transitions. Having one actual person narrate is smart in this case, I think. Hopefully Caleb is a personable, detail-orientated narrator. :) Also, if Caleb could somehow be more deeply involved in the stories instead of just a bystander/ commentator I think that'd be fun. I hope that we get to know Caleb just as much as we do the characters in these familiar fairy tales. Sounds like you're off to a fantastic start! Good luck with your writing! I'm sure your story is going to turn out great!

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

nobody_knows — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 13:30:02 +0000

@decodedjoy Thanks for your feedback! Major typo there, Tessa was the old name for my character, but I changed it to Lucie. So Tessa IS Lucie...there's no other character. That should make it easier to understand!!! I know what you mean about it being confusing though. With that in mind, would you read it, knowing it's not all complicated mumble-jumble. And if you are up for it, feel free to be my nitpicker if you like. I could mail across the full plot sypnosis I wrote out (I didn't put it on here cos it's literally two pages worth), and see what you think? Thanks again for your help!

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

alison.paige — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 19:12:22 +0000

Title: Fame's Fortune (unless I change it, not sure if I like this one) Ever since Mallory Harvey was a young girl in acting class, she's dreamed of having her star on Hollywood Boulevard. Of course, this dream seems far fetched now. Now, Mallory is working at her uncle's diner making minimum wage instead of walking the red carpet. Of course, she'd flip burgers any day over moving back with her father in Michigan. Things seem to change, though, when Mallory lands a movie role alongside prestigious A-list actors. Now people can't seem to get enough of her, and to make things worse, someone seems to have a personal vendetta against her and will do anything to see her fall.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

decodedjoy — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 20:26:34 +0000

@nobody_knows No problem. :) Haha :) Tessa being Lucie makes a LOT more sense. Also, I was thinking about this just now... it might be helpful if you don't introduce Isabelle in your brief synopsis. Lucie doesn't know who Isabelle is so it makes sense (also, it's more of a tease) if we don't know Isabelle's name or the fact that she's Lucie's twin from the past either. Ah, I love reading through this sort of stuff and offering my some constructive, subjective criticism, but I probably won't have time to read your full synopsis because I'm in the middle of traveling right now. I'm sorry. :( But definitely find someone to take a look at your full synopsis because it sounds like you have a lot of good ideas. :)

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

decodedjoy — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 20:56:23 +0000

I like rags to riches stories. :) Your novel sounds interesting. These are the questions I began to wonder after I finished reading our synopsis (which, consequently, are some of the same reasons why I would want to read your story -- to find out the answers! ^_^): - Why does her dream suddenly become far fetched? Was it ever -not- far fetched? Does her dream of being a Hollywood star suddenly seem unattainable because she can't take acting classes anymore and instead is working at her uncle's diner? Why can't she go to auditions while working at her uncle's diner? If she -is- still going to auditions, why is her dream still far-fetched? Is she giving up hope? Did she ever get close to walking the red carpet, and then suddenly that chance was swept out from under her? Does she know that she has what it takes to make it in Hollywood, and thus she doesn't ever give up on her dream no matter how far-fetched it is? Or is it that, as Mallory has gotten older, she's beginning to feel discouraged and hopeless... like she'll never achiever her goals of becoming a star? Are the people in her life supportive or discouraging when it comes to her dream of being a movie star? - Why does she not want to move back with her father in Michigan? Does this have anything to do with her desire to become a movie star and her fears for her life when she finds out that someone has a personal vendetta against her? Is her dad the one who is trying to prevent her from becoming a star? Does her dad not believe in her dream? Does he miss her? Is her dad a crazy serial killer who hates his daughter for abandoning him and will stop at nothing to see her dead? (Yeah, the last one is fairly bizarre, I admit). If these two conflicts (which seem pretty central to your story) don't involve the dad, then his role in the story might be kind of distracting. Also, where is the mom? How does/ did she feel about Mallory becoming an actress? Does this affect Mallory (and the story) at all? - What role does her uncle play in this story? Does he care about the personal vendetta thing? Does he care about the movie star thing? Is he present in her life? Is he a friend or an enemy? How does he react to Mallory's newfound A-list actor fame? I'm going to be nitpicky here: "Things seem to change, though, when Mallory lands a movie role alongside prestigious A-list actors." <-- Things -seem- to change? Be stronger in your statements. They definitely change. You're giving Mallory her lifelong dream. And it's awesome! ...Right? :) But then I get a little confused because the next sentence says, "Now people can't seem to get enough of her, and to make things worse . . ." <--- To make things -worse-? So, people not being able to get enough of her is a bad thing? Why is it a bad thing? Does she get her dream, only to find out that her dream isn't what she thought it was going to be? If that's the case, that's interesting but I would say that in your synopsis otherwise we (or at least I) will get confused over why she's not happy with her awesome movie star life. Some of these things that I'm pointing out are probably just mistyped because I'm assuming that Mallory is happy that she's suddenly popular and wealthy and a movie star... but I figured I'd point it out anyway. :) Also, right now the personal vendetta doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me. In your brief synopsis, I would hint at maybe why someone would have a personal vendetta against her... otherwise it just seems like an afterthought to try to make your story more exciting. Not that that's what you're doing (because I'm assuming your plot planning has been very intentional), but I'm just thinking maybe it'd be good if you hinted at her having enemies before the last sentence in your synopsis. Is she taking roles away from another girl who gets jealous? Does she start dating a movie star, who is the ex of a crazy b****y A-list actress? Does she accidentally stumble upon a well-kept Hollywood secret, and now that person whose secret she discovered wants her dead? Does her father think that what she's doing is foolish, and so he tries to mess up her career before it really begins in order to "help" her? I really liked your synopsis, which is why I wrote all of this. Haha :) It sounds like it's going to be a really good story, and I hope that you are able to finish it. :) Thanks for sharing the beginnings of your novel. I'm sure it'll turn out great. Good luck, Alison! :)

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Lalatin — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 22:19:50 +0000

Oh alison.paige! I love the idea~! It reminds me a LOT of mine, in fact it made me want to throw your character in there in like a passing on the redcarpet! :P (Something just to acknowledge Mallory! ) But seriously, I can not wait to read yours one day! Rags to Riches are always such fun stories and I really want to know who is trying to bring her down! Title: -In the works, I can't choose~! help?- Right now it's "Truth Be Told" Eveleen McCarthy could be described as the Julie Andrews of her time. Her name in lights her, life on a pedestal. She just landed a major role on the most talked about TV channel's up and coming show based on a best selling book and broke it off with her longtime girlfriend, Brooke, of three years. Shes hounded at every turn about what happened between her and her best friend, the paparazzi and fans had no idea they had been dating, and whats going to happen next. What Eveleen doesn't expect is to find new love on the set of her new show. Her name is Diana and she's new to the entertainment industry. Eveleen sees this as a chance to take her under her wing, show her around Hollywood and hopefully to get closer to her. Not before to long the two are spotted together everywhere, the paparazzi believing they are now the best of friends, laughing, hugging, sharing clothes. Brooke sees this for what it truly is, they are dating. This news sends her into a fit of rage, lashing out at everyone and then, eventually being sent to rehab. Eveleen and Diana are happily together though, as if nothing is wrong in the world... that is until the news is turned on one day. On every news station its being reported; The teen suicide rate is up, and the highest among them are gay teens, they are being bullied, and in a two week period there are 18 new graves to be dug. Eveleen immediately wants to jump into action, to say something, anything. But her agent and her parents are against her forcing her voice down telling her it will ruin everything they've built. All she wants to do is be the voice for these kids, to show them that things can be amazing no matter who you love, that there is no reason to give up hope because some bully doesn't understand love the way they do. So what can a girl do when her agent and her family are rising against her best wishes? Can she do anything? Will her new girlfriend risk everything to be the voice in her place? Or will Brooke's recent release from rehab change everything between these three girls and change Eveleen's mind about being a voice for this cause?

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

alison.paige — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 22:28:54 +0000

thank you so much for all of that!! that was really helpful and I'll definitely take it all into account! :]

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Seat_of_Kings — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 23:15:49 +0000

@ Lalatin This is something that I would pick up for sure! It sounds like it would be a great read, not only because of the story, but because of the questions it would raise about moral choices and the added understanding it could for the LGBTQ community. In my personal experience, books like these are bound to change life just a little bit for the reader- whether that is accepting themselves a bit more in relation to their place in society, or just seeing a different perspective for once, I feel like it cannot help but be a force for change. (Haha, this is all under the assumption that it has a happy ending- I hope it will!) That being said, I was wondering about Eveleen's age. I know if a story is told well, it doesn't really matter, but I bring it up because at first it sounds as though she is older, having had a longtime girlfriend and showing people around Hollywood, but towards the end it mentions the wishes of her family as a major factor in her dilemma, which makes her seem much younger... It does change the story just a tiny bit if she is standing up for people her own age, which would bring varying reactions from her peers, or if she is just beyond that point, but memories are still fresh, and different again if she's older... Just something to think about :) Here's my synopsis, I posted 5 or 6 days ago, but didn't get a response, and I was too impatient to wait ;) In a world where most magic users are encouraged to join the government or the military, Jyoti has a dream that stands out: she wants to use her magic to improve the art of cooking. This has been her life-long dream, and she is determined to make it happen. All her plans appear to be working out when she caters for the prestigious book auction of a recently deceased hero, but they are literally overturned by a huge gust of wind that sends the merchandise flying. She rushes to help pick up the books- too bad the first one she reaches for is bound to the person who touches it until the day they die! Horrified and angry, the government agents and top mages who had all been at the auction in the hopes of getting their hands on that paticular book complain and shout, and one of them, the second-most powerful mage in the country, goes so far as to curse Jyoti. Anything she cooks for another person will turn to ashes. Later realizing that this was a bit harsh, she offers Jyoti the chance to become her apprentice until they can figure out how to reverse the curse. This means packing up, leaving her family and joining a world where she is not paticularly welcomed by her teacher or her fellow novices, on the front lines of an impending war. And all the while the book is filling her head with new ideas and perspectives...

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

little.fox — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 00:01:16 +0000

@Seat_Of_Kings - Your book definitely stands out! I have not read a synopsis quite like that. I love the combination of magic and fantasy with the vague humor of a girl who just wants to cook! I also love the concept of the book that is bound to her until death, and the hostile government who wants it for themselves. the only thing is that there seems to be a ton going on at once. There's the cooking, the book, the government, the relocation, the war, etc. I think if you paired down what exactly is going on, people might be more inclined to take it off the shelf. :) Here's mine (so far): Title: Virgo Synopsis: Alison "Ali" Knight won't do a single thing her horoscope doesn't tell her to do. If today's horoscope says, "You will have a fruitful economic endeavor," she'll spend all day searching for the best sales. If tomorrow's says, "Keep away from beautiful strangers," she'll find plenty to do at home. But what Ali doesn't understand is that her Virgo stars can't help her with everything-- even love. With a witty, non-believer best friend, an emotionally fragile mother, and the Virgo stars, Alison will learn that there are things in life you're better off figuring out yourself.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

RaspberrySwirly — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 00:08:02 +0000

I'm basically the queen of vague, considering I don't have much of anything plotted out. But that tends to work in my favor. Yours has a paranormal feel to it, honestly. The blurb is intriguing enough, mostly because I've got a small obsession with the Victorian era. beyond that, I'm not sure how much of a pull there'd be to read it. The curse seems somewhat random just from this little blurb. But it does have my interest at least, and isn't something I'd skip right over on a shelf.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

alison.paige — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 00:22:23 +0000

"in fact it made me want to throw your character in there in like a passing on the redcarpet!" that sounds like a great idea! and your story sounds sounds awesome, I would pick it up in a heartbeat!

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

nobody_knows — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 01:07:53 +0000

Thanks for all the feedback!! Yeah, my summaries suck big time, I cannot write them to save my life. I could explain everything about the curse, but yeah, it may take a few days and a lot of rambling, because it means I'd have to explain another thing and another thing...generally the curse is a bit like Voldy and HP's - one cannot live while the other is alive, but in this case being near the other means that they fall sicker and sicker before they eventually die. Isabelle isn't actually present during the novel except the first couple of chapters, and then maybe towards the end (just a small fyi).

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

decodedjoy — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 01:41:03 +0000

@little.fox Sounds interesting and potentially very funny. :) The only thing that I would say about your synopsis is that there doesn't seem to be a sense of urgency to it. If you hint at Ali maybe undergoing something very embarrassing or painful or confusing because she believes with all of her heart that the Virgo stars are all-knowing beings, that would give your story a much better sense of intrigue and excitement. :)

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Lalatin — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 03:51:39 +0000

Aww thank you so much~! <3 and I'm completely serious about throwing Mallory in there for Diana or Eveleen to say hi too. :D Quick question though, what does she look like? I wanna make sure if I mention her looks they are correct (and of course I'll credit you somehow for her~! )

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Lalatin — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 04:00:34 +0000

Thank you so much~! :D I've always hoped that whatever stories I put out in the world for people to read will somehow inspire them to change for the better. Eveleen I've envisioned being about 21/22, the reason her family is a big deal is because it will effect them personally too, they could get harassed by co-workers ect about their daughter being outted. It's a moral delima for her because she doesn't want to do anything to anything that could end up hurting her family in some way. I figured her being 21/22 is very close to the teenagers, close enough that its still "her own age" of people. I didn't want to make her younger because the first thing people would say would be the whole "It's just a phase! you don't know for sure!" thing, but she's JUST barely out of that age range and...yet I can still see people saying that about her. So she's just beyond the 'teen' years, but close enough, I think, to still relate to them wholeheartedly. (And it does have a happy ending!) And I have to say... I LOVE your NaNo idea <3 That is fantastic! I love the fact that she just wants to cook. It's so cute and adorable that I want to hug her, I like the fact that its a form of magic that isn't selfish, she wants to share! I would love to pick up this book and read it!

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Arianna Erlaine — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 05:32:13 +0000

Fairy Tales get so many rewrites like this, in all manner of genres, that I personally wouldn't read it. I'm a little burnt out on rewrites in general, be it the Brothers Grimm, Shakespeare, or Jane Eyre. Still, could be interesting... in this case, my willingness to pick up the book is unrelated to how good the book might be. There's no way to tell your actual plot from the synopsis (which is very typical of teen fiction, actually, and the main reason I wait to see reviews before picking up YA from an author I don't know).

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Arianna Erlaine — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 05:35:38 +0000

Wow. This is different. I want to read this. Not just casually, either-- I really, really want to read this.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

kwilburn — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 06:12:08 +0000

I would absolutely read this. Of course that might have something to do with the vast culture shock I dealt with when I moved to Louisiana from Europe but I can fully sympathize with that kind of character. Look forward to hearing more. :)

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

alison.paige — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 06:13:42 +0000

yay! :] she's fairly tall and slender, dark brown hair below her shoulders, brown eyes and a few freckles :]

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

kwilburn — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 06:23:07 +0000

Title: Otherworld Synopsis: On her seventeenth birthday, Elina Marshall discovers that she is a Changling, a Fae soul born into a mortal body. While her body sleeps, her soul flies free to Otherworld where her guardian Aleksander teachers her about the Fae and the life that awaits her once she makes The Choice. Just when things seemed too good to be true, Elina learns that she will only have a year to choose to fulfill her destiny as a Fae, or to remain in the mortal world with her loving family. When other changlings turn up missing, it becomes clear to the pair that an Erlsking, a shapeshifting Goblin that feeds on the unanchored souls of changlings, is on the hunt. Elina must learn to trust in herself and her ability to make the right choice, before the Erlsking finds her and it's too late. It's a shaky summary but there you have it.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

thennary_nak — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 06:37:53 +0000

@ Seat_of_Kings Your story sounds really interesting and something I would at least give a try as it stands out in terms of concepts and characters to me. Only thing though is that with that synopsis the first paragraph is good for the most part but the second seems like information overload. I would try to make things a bit more vague because you really don't need that kind of detail in a summary, IMHO. Just mentioning it's a highly sought book and she was cursed because of her possession of it would be fine without getting into the details of who wanted it because I think it's pretty clear those kind of people would want it and the exact power ranking of the mage who cursed her doesn't come off as key information that is necessary to know to understand the plot. I'm still very much in the early stages of creating my summary but I like to keep my summaries vague until I finish writing as I do tend to make plenty of changes while writing. SUMMARY: Aria DeLacey is a vampire hunter in training though she will gladly take on any other creatures of the night that prey on humans. She attends the St. Helsing Academy, with others training to become top vampire hunters in the world, to become strong enough to defeat the vampire lord that killed her mother. At the academy she has been given the title, Ace, as one of the few select students deemed capable enough to take on the terrors of the night on their own. When a rash of local disappearances occur she is assigned to investigate them and ultimately put an end to it. With a rival vampire hunter, an old acquaintance and a mysterious stranger thrown her way her mission is proving to more challenging than she had thought. Even more so when the disappearances continue after the culprit is reported dead. With all her clues leading to dead ends will she be able to end the disappearances before anymore are taken?

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

thennary_nak — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 06:39:55 +0000

I just realized I forgot to write the title of the story, In the Light of Day.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Arianna Erlaine — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 06:47:26 +0000

Very different. I think I'd read it.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

AdrienEtienne — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 09:46:47 +0000

@ thennary_nak: I'm not sure whether I would want to read it or not actually. I'm kind of torn. I often like school stories (as long as they are well done). I'm often frustrated by vampires though, so they make me a little bit tentative about a book. Your summary definitely caught my interest enough that I'd seriously consider picking it up despite the vampires. I'm definitely interested in knowing more about the relationships between her and the other characters and how those effect her goal. And mine. Title: University Street Station [[This is a somewhat tentative title, but it's the idea that I've had that I'm the happiest with so far. It's a reference to where most of our heroes are stranded together and meet/start interacting.]] Summary: Fire bombing wasn't the way that they had really expected the world to go, not in the nuclear era. Cities were ravaged by the flames, and few survived in population centers. Small bands of young people who made it through the flames started to gather around the cities, and many of them displayed strange powers that had come to light under the stress of the destruction of civilization. A small group of young men and women in their teens, who made it through the fire bombing mostly because they all had some degree of precognitive ability, have gathered in the remains of Seattle. Their quest for survival, love and forming a new society in the ruins of their past leads them to start realizing the true extent of their powers. Mika had just graduated high school, and she was getting ready to move across the country to go to a small liberal arts college and major in psychology where no one would have known that she'd been born in a male body. Shin had been trained in his precognitive ability from the time he was very young by his grandmother, but he lived a pretty normal life as a rather nerdy drama and music kid in high school in the US. Hyun-Shik was just about to start his sophomore year of high school, and he was just starting to worry about colleges and what he wanted to do. The three of them, alongside Rafa, a young man who dreamed of one day being a doctor, Lev, who was just about to start high school and hoping to finally get some freedom for himself, and LingNuo, a classmate of Shin's who was an athlete and fairly popular, have to forge through their own problems to find the way to escape the ruins of the city that they had lived in for most of their lives. I'm not really happy with the summary, but I don't feel like I can properly rework it until I've got a slightly better grasp on certain aspects of the situation... But knowing what gets people's attention and what doesn't is helpful for me in knowing how to shape the summary as I rework it. Adrien Etienne

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

MissUnknown — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 10:57:09 +0000

@AdrienEttienne - Interesting summary. I like the basic premise (firebombing, precognition). However, I'm not sure whether I'd enjoy the characters (then again it's hard to know just from a summary, I suppose it depends how they are written) My NaNo summary for this year: Working Title: Keep Summary: It's a comic-book style world where the city is ravaged by supervillains and protected by super-powered heroes in masks and capes. However, the story focuses on those like the FMC Sarah Parkes, a normal human resident of the city, who have to cope with living in such a place. The aim is to show the less glamorous effects that having villains and heroes would result in, such as unpredictably bad traffic and regular city-wide damage. The plot so far is rough. It follows Sarah (in first person), a third year university history major, who dislikes superheroes and would prefer a world without them (result of a backstory tale involving the hero-related death of a former roommate). She meets a guy named Noah and they become friends, eventually beginning to date before Noah reveals he possesses superpowers (water manipulation, most powerful using ice) and his alias is Subzero, the sidekick of a prominent superhero in the city. Sarah cuts herself off from him, and that's all that is planned so far XD

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Maemi — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 14:58:20 +0000

Even though the plot is rough, I can see myself picking this up. I have a soft spot for superhero stories, and centering around a girl who doesn't like heroes in a world where they're celebrated seems like it could be interesting. I can't really offer any advice for it since you don't have the plot completely down, sorry XD

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Maemi — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 15:01:08 +0000

What would you do with the power to see others' memories? While eighteen-year-old Arthur doesn't have to contemplate this for himself, he does have to think about it in the context of his younger sister Gwen. Near the end of his senior year, Arthur's younger sister finally emerges into her special powers, and it turns out she can take memories from someone just by touching them- a power that terrifies her because she can't control it. Arthur himself has powers: telekinesis, visions he can't control, and the strange ability to suppress others' powers. He was fine up until about a year ago, when he realized that his visions were slowly making him go blind. Once Gwen realizes her powers, everything seems to spiral out of control until Arthur finds himself back with Katherine, an empath who takes in children with powers to help them control them or simply give them a place to live away from rejection from family and friends who don't understand. Arthur reconnects with old friends including Tristan, who seems insistent on picking up their relationship right where they left it- Tristan was, after all, Arthur's first kiss. But when Arthur and Gwen's mother, who was thought to have been killed, returns, a dark truth begins to unravel right before their eyes.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

pianogirl101 — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 19:56:31 +0000

Kwilburn - It's an interesting premise. I'm not much of a fantasy reader, but at the same time your synopsis does catch my interest. It certainly sounds like something I'd flip through and if well-written, I'd probably read it. My sisters both enjoy fantasy and would probably love your idea! :)

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jen_lies — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 20:02:20 +0000

Sounds really interesting, I love anything where teens have powers. There seems to be a lot going on but I think that's a good thing, it keeps things much more interesting and lively and even though it isn't exactly like real life it keeps a little bit of realism within the story still. Sounds like it's going to be a good novel!

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

jen_lies — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 20:03:04 +0000

Leana lives during a time where science is used for the simplest of decisions, technology has advanced in dangerous ways and religion has been completely lost in a world full of new discoveries. After finding an internship at a local Lab Leana volunteers for a dangerous experiment. To go through to another dimension. After travelling through several different dimensions and making notes on each the machine brakes in the worst dimension possible. The one where Zombies are the prominent race and the human race is slowly dying. With no way to fix the machine Leana is trapped. She finds a small group of uninfected and takes shelter. She helps to teach them martial arts and they teach her how to use their old fashion technology. Without science to help her and without a hope Leana must try and find some way to survive and maybe find a way back to her own dimension.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Discordcat — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 23:30:44 +0000

Jen_lies I'm not much into stories based around science and technology but I have to admit It sounds interesting! I would definately give this a read. Besides, who doesn't love a good zombie tale? I love the idea of setting up the science-dependant world before tearing Leana away from it. I think it will be wonderful to see how she copes with the everyday changes i.e the lack of everyday technology, aswell as the fundamental life changes she will have to make. I love the concept of information sharing between people from different backgrounds, or in this case worlds, and would love to read how they both come to terms with such different approaches and life experiences. I'm curious to know what age Leana is and does this affect how she deals with her situtation? Also is the end goal of the story for her to return to the dimension, and life, she knows, or is it more focused upon chance to experience a different way of living and learning to accept different values and lifestyles? Sounds wonderfully interesting!

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

kimmiesue — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 23:50:29 +0000

I don't have a title yet! So WIP. Rhode Pearson is your average community college student. She attends classes during the day and mixes drinks at the local bar during the night. She's slowly but surely paving her way to a bright future when Prince Charming pays a visit. His message? That Rhode and the Prince are soul mates. She has to quit her job, her schooling, and leave her family to go with the Prince to complete a quest. The quest? To marry the Prince, return to his home, and free his family from a curse bestowed upon them by a The Evil Queen. Does Rhode believe him? Fat chance.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Discordcat — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 00:02:43 +0000

This is a still a new idea that charged me and kicked out my previously planned novel. As such, it's a little shambolic at the moment but it's captured my interest so I'm running with it. The names i've used in this brief synopsis are awful and they are NOT the final names of characters, places and races etc. A little bizarre perhaps, but names are always one of the hardest parts of any story for me, and as such one of the last pieces to fall into place. I'm fully aware that 'Miracle Worker', 'City of Miracles' and ' Thrugs' sound clunky at best, cringe-worthy at worst- I'll be working on it ;) All feedback much appreciated :) The City of Miracles once stretched the width of the country, from the Boiling Seas of the eastern coast to the Frost Fire Planes of the western edges. The women of the city, the Miracle Workers, were revered throughout the land. Guests of honour at courts and advisors to kings, they were exaulted and respected by all. However, one day the City of Miracles and all its people vanished without a trace. Laylena, a young girl who appears around fifteen years of age, is the last Miracle Worker, and the tales of her ancestors and the extent of their powers have long since faded from memory. Held firmly in the clutches of her mercenary Guardian, Leylena is forced to perform. Wheeled out as a parlour trick for those able to pay the price, she is reduced to performing frivolous 'miracles' for the entertainment of the rich, patry tricks aimed to amuse and entertain. With each miracle she performs, she loses a fraction of herself. A n eighteen year old boy of the court, sensing the danger Laylena is in what each 'miracle' costs her endeavors to try and aid her any way her can. Things only get worse when the Thugs, a secretive, ancient group of people thought to have vanished alongside the miracle workers, take an interest in Laylena. A young Thug ventures to the court and manage to spirit her and the Court Boy away. The Thugs hold the answers to many of Laylena's questions of herself and her people. The Thugs are fully aware of the extent of Laylena's powers and dark times are sure to follow if they awaken her true potential. Can three new friends work together to overcome their differences and find out the truth about the world around them and a history lost to time? Will they uncover the past when they learn that some things are hidden for a good reason? Any feedback would be delightfully received and much appreciated. Once again, I apologise for the appalling names. (as a side note, looking for writing buddies, feel free to add! )

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Discordcat — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 00:06:50 +0000

*cringes... The spelling mistakes! The spelling mistakes! *note to self- do not post after a full day of work and 5 hours sleep in nearly 48 hours. I apologise to the eyes of all those who look upon it!

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Dearcupcake — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 00:56:35 +0000

I would totally read this! I love that it's sorta like a gossip magazine, exposing the scandalous side of things. I think a lot of people would read it too. Let me know if it gets published, because I will totally buy a copy =)

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

WhitleyChele — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 02:14:55 +0000

@kwilburn I'd give it a shot. I'm always a sucker for celtic fairy tale reminiscent / changeling stories... basic idea wise, they can be pretty standard, but I always like to see how the authors turn the grey area (details/complications) into a story. Please don't take that the wrong way... I'm interested in how the details turn out, since it's the details that make the story, not just the major plot lines.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Dearcupcake — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 02:31:34 +0000

@discordcat Your plot is very interesting. I could very much see it doing well. I personally know several people who would read it. You're right in that your names are a little rough, but after some fine tweaking, I'm sure they'll be just delightful. I don't quite have a title yet but if you think of one, I'll accept it graciously. My plot is also a little rough so forewarning! Hallie, Kate, and Lauren are the 3 best friends anyone could have. When a the local newspaper reports a boy, Daniel Courtney, missing the girls try to find the boy (or his body) for senior service hours. The night before the search, Lauren is visited by Danny in what she thinks is a dream, only to wake up to find that Danny is actually visiting her in ghost form. The problem is that only Lauren can seek, speak to, or hear him. Danny provides Lauren with the information to find his body. And the next morning she and her friends do and report it to the authorities. Only to find that they now are the leading suspects in the murder case. Danny provides Lauren with how he died and who the killer is, and helps her find evidence to clear her name. But when Danny finds a way to bring himself back, that requires Lauren to temper with the evidence, can he persuade her to bring him back at the cost of her own name?

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

WhitleyChele — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 02:31:57 +0000

Rogue (This is a *very* shaky synopsis. I have a clear idea of what will happen, but am currently so tired I can't articulate it) It all begins with a history book, a beat up laptop, and the dripping wet hair of the hot yet ever annoying Micah Kelley. Shaelyn Maxx was never one to take control of her own life. Mathlympics were her father's dream; now she's barely holding on to her place at nationals. On the final night before the competition begins, while everyone is getting ready for the opening dance, Shae finds herself locked and scrunchie-on-the-door-nob'd out of her hotel room, stuck working on a last minute history project with none other than Micah. While researching, she stumbles across a eerily familiar face in her history text; her own. A quick google search gone to array, and Shaelyn suddenly finds herself completely out of control, or rather, under the control of the spirit of a former soviet agent who was executed some 50 years prior for attempting to assassinate the president of the United States. She must find away to take control before she looses herself entirely, or worse, kills the Commander and Chief.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 02:57:17 +0000

I am actually hoping that it will be scary, and if I am not able to pull that off, I am hoping to have a Gothic motif going at least.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 02:58:40 +0000

The reason Hispanic popped into my head was because of the fact that there are now a lot of Hispanic girls in the United States, so they would possibly be able to relate to your book and things like that.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 03:09:13 +0000

I like the summary for this one. I am left wondering about the setting, because these aren't the kind of names you normally see in modern day settings. Does the story have a setting that isn't modern day?

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 03:11:22 +0000

It reminds me of a young adult novel I read when I was younger, but it had a different story line to it.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 03:12:52 +0000

I would honestly need more then this to go on, because I know of quite a few twists on the old Fairy Tale stories.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 03:17:35 +0000

On top of the stuff that the previous person said, I think you need to have something that make your story unique and stand out from the other rag to riches stories.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 03:28:22 +0000

I was going along with the flow, until it talks about how her agent and parents are against what she wants to do. I understand that they might not want her to come out of the closet, but telling her that she can't say something about the bullying issue at all? I mean, you did say that she wants to speak up against the bullying, and it would be easy to talk against bullying in general without going into her own personal life. In my Children's Literature Class in high school, we were told that the good books, both picture books and novels, avoid banging the reader of the head with the "idea" they want to get across. They are careful about doing their research and making the scenario realistic, not to mention something that the reader can relate to. I think you should do a little more research, even if it is for the final draft, into this social issue. You should also think of some way to bring the issue more home to the reader, because truth of the matter is, Eveleen's life is a bed of roses compared to the kids who are bullied.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 03:32:43 +0000

I don't feel like I would pick this book up. It isn't that this comes across as a bad story, but this feels like something better suited for a one-shot Manga that is trying to launch a new adventure series, not an actual novel. I think it is because you only have the beginning planned out here.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 03:35:43 +0000

I would have problems picking up this story. It sounds like you are still planning out some of the important stuff, and it also feels like its just going to ramble from one even to another, but the events are going to be basic, basic, basic. It needs something to give it an umph.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 03:39:10 +0000

I said this before, but while the readers will be able to relate to Eveleen, it won't be so easy for them to relate and understand the actual bullying issue. I think that there needs to be something other then just news reports to help the story along, particularly since this is an important issue. Also, if she is this old, her parents wouldn't be able to say anything to her, and she could possibly easily get a new agent.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 03:43:46 +0000

I personally think I wouldn't pick up this book. One of the things that bothers me is that this summary focus so much on what Elina is, rather then who she is as a person. I'm also reminded of a book that I can't remember the name of, because the plot feels similar, and I can't place my finger why.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Lalatin — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 03:44:51 +0000

I forgot about this until I was just looking over my character sheets (I planed this earlier this month) its going to follow them from the age of 17 till they are 22. I think we'll see the bullying a bit more from Diana's life than Eveleen's. Diana's best friend is out of the closet and everyone, at Diana's high school, assumes that she is in a relationship with her best friend so we'll see a bit of that I'm sure. Which sort of explains the whole parenting thing, she'll be with them when she first meets Diana and wants to help her out of her bullying situation, I figure Eveleen's parents will see how much crap Diana is getting and hope their daughter doesn't get involved int the drama. I can see what you mean about the Agent, but I think Eveleen's mindset will be that she's had this agent since the beginning and she doesn't want to change when her agent has gotten her all of these amazing jobs. But seriously, thank you SO much for pointing out these little issues so that I can fix them~! <3 [hug]

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 03:46:27 +0000

It is very unlikely that I would pick up this book, because it is filled with tons of cliches that have been done before, and there is nothing that really stands out. It would have to be really good writing to draw me in, and a really good story.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 03:48:51 +0000

I am going to agree with the other person, who replied right after your post. The problem really lies with the characters in the story. That, and your story doesn't seem to have a focus to it. Try coming up with an ending, where you want to go.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 03:51:33 +0000

I would possibly pick up this story. Something to note, I don't understand why you call this "comic-book style", because superheros are in other mediums then just comics now, and the graphic novel isn't just about superhero now. I suggest avoiding the term for now.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 03:53:41 +0000

While I like the characters, I don't think I am likely to pick up the book unless the story line is worked on some more.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 04:01:35 +0000

I doubt I would pick up this title, and I am not saying this because I think it is going to be a bad story. However... well, the plot line sounds dry and nothing really stands out. I mean, a lot of this has been done before, even the Zombie dimension. It needs something to make it snap, in both the characterization department and the finite details.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 04:08:25 +0000

I would be very hard pressed to read this. For one thing, the summary makes me wary of Mary Sue issues. The whole soul mate thing also gets on my nerves due to books like Twilight which passes off true love as lusting after someone, but that is really tru luv. There is also the fact that "the quest" has been done quite a few times, and I can't think of any that actually didn't feel cheesy. Aka, you've got a lot of work ahead of you.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 04:10:36 +0000

Wow. I guess the best way to put it is, this is the kind of stuff I would want to give a young female who is in the young adult range.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 04:17:25 +0000

While I've read a lot of plot lines along this line, I am likely to pick it up because you've made it sound like it will be similar, but different.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 04:35:44 +0000

[quote=WhitleyChele]... under the control of the spirit of a former soviet agent who was executed some 50 years prior for attempting to assassinate the president of the United States.[/quote] I honestly have to say, if I read this on the back of a novel, I would likely never pick up the book to read. It took me only a few minutes to find the wiki page for such assassinations and the truth is, there has never been a perpetrator of an attempted assassination that has been executed. The rule of thumb when it comes to historical details in novels, you do your best to do your research.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

WhitleyChele — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 11:41:37 +0000

I guess I never considered that. The agent is fictional, and the textbook wouldn't include the fact that they were killed, only that they were suspected. I was thinking about the Rosenburgs (although I know they were American). My MC wouldn't know exactly what the spirit was at first. And really, how do we know that it didn't happen (CIA secrets often stay secrets, don't they?)

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Boogirl — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 17:55:26 +0000

You kinda lost me at the zombies and I am one of the biggest zombie fans there is, but that is the last thing I expected when reading about different dimensions. And not in a 'oh thats different' kind of way. I was really really into it up until it was revealed that the demension she is trapped in is zombies. It just doesn't feel right for some reason. So i'll leave you with this: prove me wrong.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Koinaka — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 18:18:36 +0000

Title: The Legacy Synopsis: Augustus Ezra Warren was a most peculiar boy. For, you see, Augustus, or August as he preferred to be called, had a gift. He could see and speak to ghosts. Rather, he could see and speak to one ghost in particular—the ghost of a boy named Ezra who once lived in the very same manor house that August lived in with his elderly grandmother. The best of friends, August and Ezra have been inseparable for as long as August can remember despite the fact that no one else can see Ezra. When August is forced to leave England and move to America to live with the father he's never known after the death of his grandmother, things begin to change between August and Ezra. For the first time in his life, August has a friend other than Ezra. However, when August's friendship with Conner blooms into something more, Ezra becomes more violent and unpredictable than ever before. No longer able to ignore his childhood friend's violent tendencies, August begins to search for a way to rid himself of the spirit. Along the way, August discovers a chilling secret about his own family that just may put not only himself but Conner in danger. Will August be able to solve the mystery left by his family in time to save Conner? Feel free to add me as a writing buddy, if you'd like, and I'll read over the synopsis of anyone who reads over mine! Super excited about Nano this year!

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Betsy_M — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 01:51:50 +0000

I like the idea of Pru and The Morai, but if her Dad is an investigative journalist, she would know something about it unless she has not spent any time with him. She might know more than she realizes that she does, having absorbed things from him unconsciously, rather than having studied journalism. I could see this story as either a fantasy or a political thriller (sort of Ayn Rand). I would read it if it didn't get too long (over 300 pages). Here's mine--working title is All She Wants to Do Is Dance (I know there's a song title, but for now this is the title that I'm using). This is contemporary, realistic YA. Fifteen year old Heather is thrilled when she and her best friend Rita make the dance team at her high school. Whether it's at dance class, rehearsals, or performing, Heather is happiest when she is dancing. One day at dance class, Heather gets injured. She recovers, and doesn't give it much thought until her doctor says that she needs major hip surgery. Now Heather's parents want her to quit the dance team and have the surgery. Can Heather convince them to change their minds?

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

lieish — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 03:49:20 +0000

so on winifred and alice story: i think it soounds good, but short. I have always read long books but i read much more than most teenagers. My book is more for upper middleschoolers and highschool In a world where those with telekinetic powers are caught and killed, Lyddia is always running. Running from the Peacekeepers, running from the past, running from herself. But there's a place for people like her, where her son will be safe and she can learn to control her gift. And even possibly find true love. The fight’s not over yet though, especially when the government starts choosing people with the gift to use as weapons. And Lyddia's name is at the top of their list.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

lieish — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 03:50:12 +0000

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Rashida — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 04:31:37 +0000

I love superheroes and especially supervillains. So if you're heading to a point with this book with some AWESOME villains--maybe even Sarah herself, if she finds she's brainy enough to take on the heroes--I would be all about this. I like the idea of following the "mundane" person in a world like this. Have you checked out "Venture Bros."? You might find some useful research material in there!

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Rashida — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 04:36:52 +0000

All right, gave my feedback to what sounds like a fun story... ready to put mine out there too! "I'm With the Banned" --YA Fiction Before she met Lisle, Piper had been obsessed with books. With a best friend to hang out with, though, that meant less time for curling up alone with a classic and more time dressing up together to make vlogs. When Lisle is taken out of school for health reasons in their junior year, Piper is beside herself. Without her best friend around to inspire her, she can't even make new videos. Instead, she turns back to her old paper friends... only to discover that the strict new principal at their private high school had banned most of her favorites! A bout in detention--over reading 'Catcher in the Rye' on school property--has gained Piper the attention of Casey, one of the guys in the school band. As Piper lends her personal library to Casey and the rest of his group, she finds new friends with similar interests and forms a secret book club in the band room. Soon, most of her class is reading like never before. Piper finds she is strangely popular, with a rebel reputation following her. And Casey starts spending a lot of time with Piper, not just to talk about books! Life seems good again, maybe even a little magical. Until an abandoned and angry Lisle returns to school... and finds the stash of banned books in her locker! Piper's new friendships, budding romance with Casey, her *books*, and even the teacher who was protecting them may all be headed for the fire over Piper's mistakes....

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 05:42:07 +0000

First off, the summary is rather vague in the details, so I would need more info before I pick it up. Second, it sounds like your character is an adult, and that will be a possible turn off for the intended audience.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 05:47:26 +0000

[quote=Betsy_M]She recovers, and doesn't give it much thought until her doctor says that she needs major hip surgery. [/quote] The plot made me think about possibly reading, until I read this. I've taken dance classes when I was younger, and I have researched into dance classes in case I want to use them in my own writing. I am left wondering how a dancer could even get this kind of injury, particularly with the kind of dances a high school dance group would do. I think you should do some research, or change where her injury comes from.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 05:54:03 +0000

This plot is rather familiar to me, I think I've read it in a book somewhere. I mean, family secret, ghost friend, ghost friend becomes dangerous. I'm also guessing that the ghost is a relative and he's named after this relative. That was part of the story too.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

aaalllyyysssaaaaa — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 06:20:10 +0000

Lieish I would totally read yours. It's right up my alley. Also, as a teen, I never minded reading about adults as long as the book didn't deal with too much boring grown up junk. (I'm not being condesending to young readers, I still don't like boring grown up junk. (To qualify that, it's true that I'm only 21, so I'm not exactly the most mature person out there, so IDK, maybe I'm being condesending to my self. (Proof of my immaturity is that I'm so self-consious that I actually thought I might have offended someone with that first statement and felt the need to explain. (The world has run out of parentheses.)))) In conclusion, I think it looks really exciting. Okay, here's mine. A teenage girl is displaced from everything she knows when she is kidnapped by time travelers and brought to the future. As she tries to escape from her captors, she discovers some frightening truths... ... If you're not bored yet, keep reading: The time travelers claim to be kidnapping people from the past to give them a better life, but when she arrives in the future, there is starvation, disease, and almost everyone is dirt poor except the time travellers and a few others. She then realizes that the time travellers have darker motives when it turns out that they are actually collecting the best warriors from the past to flesh out their army so they can take over the world. Yes, the world. Also, if one travels into the future beyond the natural passage of time (basically beyond the lives of the latest generation of people to be born as of yet) they never return. It is speculated that they cease to exist, since they have stepped outside of reality. They send you to the future as a form of capital punishment. Crazy stuff happens when they try to send my protag. Also she discovers that nobody knows why anyone exists at all, since most of the people alive have had an ancestor removed to the future at some point. So basically about people trying to understand their existence with this new reality of time travel, but these questions arise in the midst of their struggle to simply survive.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 06:24:01 +0000

While I can see the FBI and CIA covering up a botched assassination where the perpetrator dies, they would not be able to cover up an execution, because the laws of this country require that even the would be assassinations to face a jury of their peers, which means there would be some public record, not to mention the execution would be of public record as well. There is a reason Tom Clancy writes his story in an AU world to our own, and that in itself takes time to set up, creating the pretend presidents and other bad guys that are part of the ring of spies. As for your text book issue, no. If the assassination attempt was public, so would the trial. You need to think this through some more. Particularly since, as I've said... executions are public.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

aaalllyyysssaaaaa — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 14:31:36 +0000

Oh, and I don't have a title yet. Any suggestions would be really appreciated!

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

MidnightEnchantment — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 15:53:59 +0000

That sounds like a really good novel! I would read it! Here's mine, I don't I have a very good summary but here it goes! Darkest Lullaby Nina is suffering from Bulimia Nervosa and she refuses to accept treatment. When her mother sends her to a boarding school she becomes distant and her condition grows worse, until Forrest and Vivian come into her life. When Nina spends time with them, questions aren't asked and the only words that are exchanged are ones that are written on paper. This changes Nina's life completely, but for better or for worse, she doesn't know.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

messi — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 16:08:10 +0000

I would read this one.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

messi — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 16:09:40 +0000

I think I'd need more information than this before I'd decide. Why only on paper? Maybe a bit more on the life-changing event?

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

midwesternmind — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 16:11:11 +0000

A little advanced for my munchkins, but I can see the time travel intriguing some of their older friends.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

midwesternmind — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 16:17:32 +0000

Here is my concept "Mammoths Hate Macaroni: An almost true tale of the Mayhem Makers Club" Samuel is an eight year old boy being raised by his grandma, a Conservator for a museum. When his cousins Alex and Sara come to stay with them, they learn nothing is stronger than family, especially when things go missing and grandma is under suspicion.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

MidnightEnchantment — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 16:25:53 +0000

Vivian is deaf and Forrest doesn't talk much, when he was younger he suffered a horrible trauma (still haven't decided what cuz I'm still working on the kinks). As for that big event, there isn't much that I can say about it without giving too much of the story away. But much of the story is about Nina working through her problems, overcoming her fears and in the process, helping Vivian and Forrest. Does that explain more?

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

iris1008 — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 16:27:48 +0000

Well, I like your title :) I'd pick up the book because of this already. As I understood these things go missing from the museum and grandma is blamed. I'd like to know more, for sure, so I would read it.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

MidnightEnchantment — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 16:30:57 +0000

Another thing, with Vivian being deaf and Nina unable to speak/sign sign language, the only way they can communicate is through writing and Nina finds a new way to express herself.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

iris1008 — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 16:33:09 +0000

My preliminary summary: A boy and a girl have to abandon their ordinary lives in order to fight the bad who are about to take control over the world. They have some abilities that make them special. Actually the girl is sort after, because of her ability to see all the outcomes of any situation. The boy is there to protect her because of his inhuman strength. They are constantly escaping but in the same time trying to figure out a solution for all of this (for the happy ending). My really have only a vague idea and writing to find out what will actually happen, but this is what I've got now.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

messi — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 16:39:34 +0000

With that additional information, I think I'd read it.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

SingerSnow — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 16:46:46 +0000

Inturrupted Lily is ready to get out of her small Southern town. She's ready to get away from everything and everyone she's ever known. That includes her flighty, scatterbrained, artist of a mother. Thanks to a full ride scholarship to a college almost on the opposite side of country, she has that chance. But then Lily meets Finn, a cocky, handsome, golden boy, who has something to hide, and everything she's known and everything she's planned changes. Her life is turned upside down by three words from her mother, and three words from Finn. Lily, thought that all she had to do was sleep, read, and work the summer away. Instead, she's trying her hardest to survive, barely hanging on by a thread.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

MidnightEnchantment — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 16:54:14 +0000

I would DEFINITELY read that. (sorry for the caps lock...)

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

SingerSnow — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 16:58:16 +0000

You have no idea how badly I needed to hear that. Thanks so much!!!

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

japeningrish — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 18:05:37 +0000

Okay, here's mine. It's rather short, as I wrote it for the back of a book. Don't want to give it all away! I'm more than happy to answer any questions about it, though. =) Title: The Light Brigade Let me tell you a lie. The world has not ended. Families have not lost one another forever, and the Four Kingdoms are still united. The sky does not weep along with the mothers, we still have the knowledge of action versus consequence, and the earth has forgiven us our trespasses. There is always hope, and we will prevail. * * * In a dystopian future, the Four Kingdoms have been warring for nearly two centuries. Each generation raises the last on the tales of war, though none know the truth regarding the events that became the end of peace. Enter the Light Brigade, a group of spies from Rynuk, the smallest of the Kingdoms. At the heart of the war is the knowledge one of their own held long ago, and in the shadows they are trying to reclaim it. When young Daisy is involved in a recon mission gone horribly wrong, she unintentionally edges closer to the truth that forces much more powerful than she would kill to keep a secret. (There's also mystery, intrigue, love, and revenge!)

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

japeningrish — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 18:07:33 +0000

I would totally read this. It's like Doctor Who gone horribly, horribly macabre. XD

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Sincerely_me — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 21:21:46 +0000

Sounds interesting. Reminds me of Romeo and Juliet, only in that it sounds like these guys have been fighting so long they don't really remember what it's about. The stories sound like they've been twisted so much over the centuries that they've lost the truth in them, so no one really knows what it's about anymore. But the Light Brigade sounds like they know a bit of truth about the beginning of the war or perhaps what or who is keeping it going, and are determined to bring the truth to light. It sounds like you've got a really cool potential for an awesome antagonist, some interestingly chaotic and dangerous scenes for the protagonist, and even some dramatic chase scenes. And revenge and mystery are two of my favorite things, so I think this would catch my interest if placed on a shelf. I'm not quite satisfied with my title, but as for the plot, I'm pretty pleased. My own experiences of working at a nature center were the foundations to this novel, but the rest is pure fiction. The synopsis is kinda long, but I'll end up cutting it down later on. The Truth About John Quinn Kim is a soon-to-be senior in high school and still without a car. But that's not important. What is important is that she needs community service hours to graduate--60 to be exact, and she's only got twenty-five. But that's only mildly important. What's really important is that she takes up a volunteering job at Senaw Creek Nature Center, located in southeastern Pennsylvania. The Nature Center is pretty typical in and of itself--it's got a mock-up Leni-Lenape village, lots of trails, a bird house, a greenhouse, a gift shop which Kim ends up running, a couple indoor visitor buildings, a small day camp center that runs a week-long program throughout the summer, and even a green-energy building. The people who run the place, however, are much more interesting. There's Nathan, who works alongside his father to care for the reptiles, creepy-crawlies, and other animals including the birds, and who Kim easily befriends. There's Trevor and Emily, siblings with a two-year difference between them who occasionally come to visit Nathan, and then there's John Quinn, who also refers to himself as Black Crow. He's always claiming that he's a true Native American, but during his time at the Senaw Creek Nature Center, nobody really believes him. Even his daughter, Aponi, seems a little unsure whether her father's simply telling tales or is being truthful. Not until his death does anyone find out the truth. After John Quinn's death, odd things start to happen around Senaw Creek. A week after they begin, Kim, Nathan, Trevor, Emily, and Aponi take a walk through the woods and notice that something's amiss. Strangely enough, the creek is no more than a trickling stem of barely flowing water, stopped up by thousands of arrowheads which are piled up along the path of the creek. After following the creek away from the trail for a while, they discover an abandoned Lenape Village. While strange sights frighten Emily and Trevor away, Kim, Nathan, and Aponi venture back later in the night to further investigate the place and try to figure out why no one has found it. Little do they know that this one odd discovery will lead to a great adventure and the true story behind John Quinn, who turns out to be much more truthful and much more legendary than even his own daughter could have imagined.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

reginarex — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 21:59:16 +0000

Okay, wow, I would for sure read this book. I seriously love the mystery aspect of it. The whole plot itself seems very unique and it would be even more interesting if you were planning on putting some Native American folklore into it. I can honestly say I do not know what could happen in the novel, which is a great thing! You nailed the mysterious aura right on the head. As for my own novel, I'm still a bit shaky on parts, but here is a basic rough outline Title: Encounter 17-year-old Alexandria Black has had dreams about an unknown man since she was a child. On a routine summer trip at her grandmother's house, she soon finds herself thrust into this man's world. A mysterious shapeshifter by the name of Wyck Craven takes her under his wing to his Otherworld (currently unnamed) full of magic and monarchy. Alexandria's family has mysterious ties with the Craven family and is bound to a dark prophecy that has begun to rapidly unwind that only the two families can solve together. 40 years have passed since the first failed attempt to stop the prophecy, and the Otherworld's political/monarchy structure has been completely taken over by a corrupt member of the Craven family. Alexandria must now overcome her fears and hurdle obstacles of a whole new social system made up of creatures of another world in order to, ultimately, save two different humanities.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Delta_Zeta — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 23:50:50 +0000

@reginarex I would absolutely read it! I especialy like the strong female lead! here's mine: Catherine has to create a family tree for one of her class projects in high school. She had always known of her family's German heritage and been proud of it, but the more questions she begins asking her grandparents, the more they encourage her to look into her own future and not dwell in the past. Never one to settle for less then her best she tries to figure out what her family is trying to keep from her. After finding a box of her great grandfathers old memorabilia and his journal, Catherine begins to learn about her family's Nazi past before they fled to America to avoid her great grandfather's execution in Germany after WWII. Unable to deal with all the information she has been given, and unable to find a family member to share this information with she turns to her history teacher Mr. Beilschmidt. Soon it is discovered that while her family was from Germany they were more specifically from eastern Germany near the Polish border where the former state of Prussia used to exist. After convincing her parents to allow her to visit Germany with a group from school, Catherine is able to visit where her great grandparent's originally came from and mourn for what was lost and suffered while learning to move on and not live in the past.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

kristinny — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 02:42:30 +0000

This sounds like a pretty well developed plot, and definitely an interesting read. One place that I would watch out for is the whole convincing her parents to let her visit Germany. From the summary alone, I would guess that because her parents don't want her looking into her family's history, they would probably be pretty resistant to the idea of her visiting the country. The word convince obviously means that they won't just say yes right away, but the more of a struggle it is for her to convince them, the more realistic it will be, I think.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

anzoey — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 07:51:58 +0000

I would read this also! I love the idea of it! It's human nature for people tend to think of themselves, and by association, their family, as infallible being on the side of good. So what happens you find out your family were actually the bad guys? Very intriguing!

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

J.A. Kosse — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 08:29:51 +0000

@Delta_Zeta I usually don't ever pick up contemporary or non-paranormal work. It's just not really my thing. That said, I can confidently say that I'd read your book because Nazi Germany is one of the few subjects outside of the paranormal that I'm extremely interested in. Given that I have a half dozen books on that era on my shelf already, I'd be more than happy to add another one, even if it's not set in the era per se. It's just a really interesting part of history, and discovering it along with your main character would be a neat way to experience it. - Hell's Circle Luce always looked forward to the new Hell’s Circle episode, where paranormal creatures would be forced to fight each other to the death. He even had a favorite fighter, an incubus named Siris, who he starts feeling sympathetic for, an emotion he can’t reconcile with Siris’s species. That changes when Luce grows wings, and discovers he’s a fae changeling. Magic-detecting dogs drive the police toward him, and the Hell’s Circle producers purchase him for their show, as they do with all paranormals captured by the police. He must now rely on his wits and Siris’s help to keep himself alive--though both know, if Luce succeeds, they’ll eventually face each other in Circle.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

anzoey — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 09:13:41 +0000

Okay, here's my concept -- bear in mind it's a borderline genre story and my description's a little rough. The characters are in their mid to late 20s, but it's written with a YA coming of age mindset. I'm keeping it in this genre for now until I can figure out where it goes. Title: The Sweet Life Marlie McKay was living the sweet life. She had it all at 24: A CIA graduate with honors, she scored a coveted position in one of Paris' most acclaimed patisseries, working under a world famous pastry chef Jean-Baptiste Martineau, and was even dating his charming and very handsome son, Leon. She was a rising star in the culinary world and life couldn't get better. And quickly she found out it didn't. Now at 25, her life is a complete disaster. Betrayed by those she trusted, she returns home to Portland, slandered and disgraced on not one, but two continents. All she wanted to do was hide and forget, but the siren call of the kitchen soon proved to be too much to ignore and despite her misgivings, she jumps back into the fire. Recently renovated and reopened, Sweetwater Grille seemed to be the perfect place to start over. Hoping no one would recognize her through her disguise, she contrives her way into an open spot on the grill line. With the bistro's checkered history of internal problems, she figured if she played her cards right, she could be running the place within a year. But there was one thing she didn't count on, hotshot celebrity chef Jackson Wade had the exact same idea.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

kristinny — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 12:17:39 +0000

In the sky city of Flitter, twelve-year-old Eldon Swallow sticks out like a sore thumb. With his brown hair, purple eyes, and odd birthmarks, he resembles no other and he has grown up to accept that. But when Eldon visits his grandfather on the man's death bed, he learns a secret that turns Eldon's life upside down. "Go to him now, he's alive and well, but you won't find him here in Flitter." Can Eldon find the father he had long thought dead? The words spark hope in Eldon, and he quickly begins his adventure in hopes to find his father and discover a place where he belongs.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

saltzworks — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 17:06:09 +0000

Albion Bridge: I like it, and it follows right along with what I've read in the past. It sounds almost like a bit like Landy's Skulduggery Pleasant, just the 'novelist is not writing a fantasy but a reality that the young protagonist gets pulled into...hmm, tasty stuff! Definitely read the Skulduggery when you get a chance - the kids I know are devouring the series, don't get too close to being the same, but definitely use it for a comparison.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

saltzworks — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 17:18:16 +0000

Mammoths Hate Macaroni What a catchy title! I would read this one for sure, not just for the title, but the description. Museums, mystery. . .

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

saltzworks — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 17:19:41 +0000

Interrupted Juicy!!! I am dying to know those three words!

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

mommywantstoread — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 20:22:01 +0000

I love it! I would totally read this. There is a lot of potential with all of the different fairy tales out there

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

SingerSnow — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 20:25:57 +0000

Neither one of them have to deal with hate, but both are on opposite ends of the spectrum. Glad, I have you "dying to know". It makes me feel like I writing something worth reading. Thanks

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

PaperDart — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 20:49:26 +0000

It sounds like a really interesting premise! I think I'd be a little scared about whether or not the story would flow, but if I opened it at random and liked the feel of the prose I'd read it! (When I was fourteen I wouldn't have said 'like the feel of the prose', but the sentiment would've been there.)

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

PaperDart — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 20:56:23 +0000

@KatBrown Joan of Arc? I wouldn't have guessed anything without being told there was something to guess, but I don't think it hurts to make that explicit. Without knowing it was a retelling, I'd think about reading it. As a retelling, I wish I could read it right now. It sounds awesome and exactly the right amount distanced from the original to be fascinatingly parallel but entirely unique.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

legend_of — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 21:26:55 +0000

I would read this! All the culinary intrigue sounds interesting and I love that the protagonist is female chef.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

legend_of — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 21:34:20 +0000

I'm still working out large hunks of the novel, but so far, here's what I have for the synopsis: Title: Unbecoming Alice 12 years ago, Alice learned a secret. A secret she doesn't even remember being told. She doesn't remember the chanting, or the lights, or the two transparent figures holding her down and whispering in her ear. But this doesn't change the fact that the secret is there, waiting, wedged firmly into her brain and not bothering anything. Until Alice turns 17, and she starts getting headaches. Until Alice starts forgetting where she is, starts forgetting her classes and her friends. Until Alice starts to dream, of hushed conversations about words like chaos and destruction and of someone bending down and telling her pig-tailed self you must keep it always. Of a kid in a red t-shirt telling her this will destroy you. With her mind playing tricks on her and the supisciously-timed arrival of a girl who can uncover anything and a boy who drives people crazy (literally), Alice is suddenly faced with a decision she never knew she'd have to make-- keep her secret, or keep herself.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

anzoey — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 21:40:14 +0000

Thank you! I am actually a professional baker myself(though NO where near the playing level of my characters) so I guess this is a classic case of 'write what you know' haha =P

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

anzoey — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 21:42:29 +0000

Interesting! Makes me curious about what happened to her. Evil cult? Supernatural forces? The time losses are intriguing as well!

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

aangelwthhorns13 — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 22:03:08 +0000

@ legend_of I would totally read your story, the inner struggle to keep a secret or stay alive sounds very intriguing. And I like the idea of someone who can drive a person crazy ... i have lots of people like that in my life ~~~ My novel... back story Three girls all in their senior year of high school have to make tough choices that will change their lives forever. Each girl is struggling with their own insecurities or inner demons. Three books one for each girls own unique story, and a fourth book where each girl meets up again at their ten year high school reunion. Untitled Burning with the desire to fit the standard, Genevieve Montgomery longed to be accepted. A bookworm and geek by stigma she was cast into the role of a "loser" in High School with only her two best friends Chloe and Camille by her side. After her brother's tragic death Genevieve finds herself lost and alone. With her senior year approaching fast Genevieve is going to face more than just the average teen problems of choosing which college to go to and her academic scramble for Valedictorian, now she has a secret, forbidden love to deal with as well. Her fantasies, once only found in the romantic novels she reads are now being laid before her in her own romantic story. What would her friends think when she finally revealed her secret love to them? Could their friendship survive the lies and secrets they all have been keeping from each other? Can her forbidden love survive the trials and tribulations of high school after it is finally brought to light and criticized by the masses? Genevieve knows that being in love has a price and with every decision comes a huge consequence, she just didn't imagine that consequence having a face. The choices that she makes her Senior year of High school will affect the next ten years of her life. Will she make the right choice for her, or lose everything because of it.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

johnfro — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 22:14:51 +0000

This sounds like a thrilling book! I would pick it up. Gargoyles are BA. Olivia Stone is a sweet name. The rare skin disorder is going to make for some interesting and touching moments. You've got some great tension between Olivia - the other kids, and Brother Westerman Carver. Write well my friend.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 23:39:32 +0000

Wow. Not only would I be interested, I actually think that this series would really interest the young adult group. I hope you can pull it off.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 23:40:49 +0000

Sounds... confusing and convulsed. I would have a problem picking it up, even if it were a good story.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 23:43:45 +0000

The character sounds like he could either be really cool, or he could end up being a Gary Stu. Since you haven't started yet, I am guessing you haven't thought out the details? Maybe you should save this plot for next year, and use another one of yours or head to the plot adoption thread? That way you can work out the details more?

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 23:45:34 +0000

While I would read this, this kind of feels like a novel more geared towards an older audience then the young adult audience.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 23:50:15 +0000

The thing is, I am strongly reminded of the Manga called "Deadman Wonderland".

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

LuLiLa — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 23:51:48 +0000

I probably would not read that though not because it is bad, it sounds like a good idea to me that would have many readers it's just that I only really read ghost stories and stories about corrupted futures. I'm just not very interested in stories about kids at school (I already have to deal with being a kid at school every day...) My story takes place in the future and there are these twisted scientists who experiment on orphan children by replacing failing body parts with electronics but later they begin to rush there work and replace things that were working fine to begin with, these children are cruelly treated and weakened by the horrible tests that have been done on them. In the first chapter of my story my MC (Boe) dies but then the rest of the story is told by his ghost and pretty much he has to find a way to save the other children who are still alive and suffering even though he cannot contact the living (except for one person who he hates and they hate him back). That is a VERY shortened description of it and I left a lot out but I hope you at least sort of get the main idea of what it's about from this (I'm terrible at describing my stories, much better at just writing them). Just so you don't think the story is horrible just because I am terrible with summaries here is a little excerpt from it : Six Years Later (Chapter 1) Boe’s eyes shot open and his heart raced with fear. The masked men stood over him their smiles taunting him. What horrible mutation had they preformed this time? He did not want to know. He could not yet move. He struggled and tried to sit up but pain shot through his body and a gloved hand shoved him back down. “Help!” he cried desperately. He could hear someone crying in the distance, knowing their turn was next. He could feel the cold metal of the table on his back and it sent a chill down his spine. “Don’t worry,” said one of the masked men in a mocking tone, “everything will be alright, in fact, it will be better than alright, you will soon be improved!” He brushed back a lock of silky black hair from Boe’s face and laughed. Boe watched him with eyes clouded with pain, he was helpless. Dizziness suddenly overcame him and the sounds became distant. He was unconscious again. Next time he awoke he was in a cell. Packed in side by side with the other children from the orphanage, they were still sleeping. The bliss of sleep. He sighed and tried to stand but stumbled, falling back to the cold cement. The room was filled with horrible stench and the only sounds to be heard were the moans and wails that the other children made in their sleep. He groaned as he pulled himself into a sitting position. His head pounded and his vision was blurred with numerous spots. Around him the four deformed creatures slept. He could barely stand to think that they were still innocent children. Some seemed more machine than human. The first thing the masked men had done to Boe was swap his lungs for an electronic set. They had told him there was something wrong with his real ones and that things would be better after the operation. Unfortunately he was naïve enough at the time to believe them. The children around him were wrapped in bloody bandages and shivering. The floor was stained with countless pools of red. Boe gritted his teeth against the pain that filled him; he could not yet tell where it was coming from though. They were kept in a perpetual night with no gage of time as if to keep them from seeing their own decrepit forms. He squinted trying to see better in the dim light provided by a single candle just outside the cell. First he looked at his arms. He shuddered, they weren’t any different than they usually were but their normal appearance bothered him greatly. Both arms were sickly pale and at the elbow the soft flesh transitioned to metal. His forearms and hands were completely electronic, he could move them perfectly yet had no feeling in them and they scared him to see. He bit his lip nervously wondering what horrendous change they had preformed this time. Beside him Amber moaned in her sleep rolling over to reveal an array of scars on her back from failed experiments. That’s all they were to the men with the masks. Lab rats; things to experiment on and play with. They kept telling Boe that they were trying to help him but he knew that was a lie. He wanted to talk to her but thought it was best not to wake her. Amber was fifteen, she had come with him from the orphanage, been locked in the same cage. Except she hadn’t gotten the brunt of their twisted tests like Boe had. They had claimed it was a miracle and that they were saving his life, but they were wrong. They were only making him sicker by the minute with their cruel tests, how he hated them. There were only four children in the room, Boe knew the masked men would be wanting more soon. They had taken Boe along with four others from the orphanage many years before. The youngest, a six year old girl named Sari hadn’t even made it past the first week. They insisted to Boe that they had come too late to help her though he knew it was by their own dreadful hands that she died. They were crazed. Using technology to turn children into monsters. At first they just replaced the failing parts with electronics but as their madness grew they began to take more and more from the children. Boe blinked again struggling to see in the dim light. He looked over Amber to make sure they hadn’t done anything too horrible to her. Her left wrist and hand were wrapped in bandages and through them he could see silver. “D*mn!” he screamed his voice echoing through the halls. This got the attention of the guard who was standing two rooms over. The door leading into the room with the cell was flung open and a burly man stepped out. “Shut up!” he shouted, hitting the bars with a metal bat. They shook and let out a high pitched ring which rattled through the room. Kura, the youngest of children, only ten woke up abruptly and began crying at this. Boe sunk back to the corner of the cell knowing there was nothing he could do. He crawled over to her and took her hand gently in his but she shrieked at the sight of him and tried to back away. “Shh,” he whispered, “It’s just me, Boe.” He attempted to smile if only for her sake. She stared at him briefly then cuddled closer to him for protection. The guard laughed loudly. “You think he’s going to save you?” he chuckled, “I’d like to see that!” His large belly bounced as he laughed. “Kid, he’s too weak to take care of himself, what makes you think he’ll want to help you?” he burst out into rude laughter so loud it nearly shook the building. Kura squeezed Boe’s hand even though she knew he couldn’t feel it. “Don’t worry,” she whispered faintly, “I trust you.” With that she fell back into a feverish sleep in his arms. Then the two people he hated most entered. Dr. Luis with his never taunting grin that never ceased to exist and Dr. Smith with her sharp glittering eyes that watched his every move like an eagle. He rarely saw them yet he could tell, they were the ones behind this project. The masked men were mindless drones, only working to please their leaders. He had also noticed something strange though, they always seemed a bit uneasy when around the children. Almost as if they were both frightened and amazed by their creations. He realized he was on his knees and struggled to stand when they approached. He must not show weakness before them. Dr. Smith turned to the surly guard. “We can handle it from here,” she instructed shooing him out of the room. He looked back as if to protest but then decided against it. Dr. Luis took one look at Boe and laughed. “Well, well, well, Little Child, look how you’ve grown! Yet you’re still so thin. Is everything to your liking?” he chuckled, his green eyes now cold and full of malice. “You know it isn’t!” Boe spat through the bars, his eyes reflecting just as much hatred in return. He reached his arm through the bars and tried to get to Dr. Luis but he was standing too far away. Boe fell back, panting and defeated. “Now, now, you wouldn’t want to get all scratched up, would you now?” he asked in a calm voice. “Go to h*ll!” Boe yelled in response. Tears began streaming down his face and he almost wiped them off but thought against it. That would be bad. If he had it probably would have short circuited his arms and then he would have to go in for surgery again. He shuddered at the thought. “Naughty, naughty,” Dr. Smith commented, “You wouldn’t want to be punished now, would you?” she snapped losing her temper. Punishment, no. That was worst of all. They would simply put him in a dark room alone and give him small operations every day, slowly turning more and more of him to metal. Boe’s eyes went wide at the thought and he was silent. He thought they would be happy but instead Dr. Luis let out a gasp. “Shut up!” he shouted though he was not looking in Boe’s direction. Boe stepped back confused. Dr. Smith looked concerned and took Dr. Luis’s hand. She carefully led him out of the room but not without giving Boe one last nasty glare. Once again he was alone except for the three battered children who lay with him, all their courage gone, slowly drained out through the years. But he would not lose hope. As the pain faded to a bearable degree he could see better and localize the source of the pain. He finally noticed a large blood soaked bandage around his stomach. Suddenly he had an idea. He had to get it perfect or his chances of escape would be crushed for quite a while. Cringing, he unwrapped the bandage. At first it stuck but finally he had removed it completely. He wanted to do this before anyone woke, he had to hurry, Amber was already stirring. He looked at the small candle that lay just out of his reach. Slowly he slid the cloth through the bars, inching it toward the candle. Finally it reached it destination. Hot wax began to drip onto it, but that was not enough to start a flame. Very carefully he waved the cloth just slightly so its corner brushed the flame, and like a miracle it lit up bright with yellow flames. Boe laughed for the first time in many months but unfortunately he had to stop because it hurt his abdomen too much. The cloth caught quickly and in an instant Boe grabbed it and threw it as hard as he could toward the wooden table in the middle of the room. It barely reached its destination, but at least it did. The flame was not at all what he had hoped it would be. It did not engulf the table as it should have but simply started to smolder slowly on the table edge. He screamed in agony. Then he noticed something. The smell of smoke was filling his nostrils and the room; he hoped it would be enough to get the guard’s attention. Amber opened her eyes. “Boe?” she muttered weakly. “What’s going on?” “No time to explain,” he replied a grin on his dirty face. Suddenly the guard burst into the room coughing. “What the?” he exclaimed confused. Boe began to cry, deliberately this time though. “Help!” he called out. “The candle lit the bandage and it just spread!” he sobbed hoping the guard was not intelligent enough to figure out what had actually happened. The other children all awoke now, terrified by the smoke. The baffled guard stood dumbstruck. “Please!” Boe begged, “Help us! Dr. Luis would certainly take your job if you left his test subjects to die!” Apparently this had not yet occurred to the guard since suddenly he became frantic and reached into his pocket. He pulled out an old and rusted key and quickly fumbled to get it into the lock. Finally the door swung open. Most of the children were too stunned to move, though Allie stood up and Boe pulled the key ring out of the lock and darted out the second it was open. Kura and Teiren just sat there, eyes wide with confusion and pain. Slowly Teiren stood up and walked over to the guard. Kura tried to stand but collapsed under her own weight. Boe looked back, just for a second and had a pang of guilt. He had only planned his own escape. In that instant he saw with relief the guard’s eyes were misted with smoke and he could not see but he also saw Kura. She was sitting in the corner shivering. He knew what he had done was wrong and that the other children would be severely punished for it. Still, he kept on running. Well, at least what could count as a run for him, it was more of a limp. Every step pained him greatly yet he continued. Finally he reached the metal door at the end of the hallway. He could barely see through the smoke and fumbled with the keys a couple times before actually getting the door open. He didn’t close it behind him for fear that the guard would hear and become suspicious. Suddenly, he found what he had been looking for. Near the ceiling in the cramped cement room there was a single window. To him it was freedom. He took a running starting and jumped, just barely clinging to the window sill. Slowly and very painfully he pulled himself up. He could hear footsteps approaching and frantically lifted open the old window with a creak. It was small enough that most children could not have fit through it but Boe was thin enough by far to squeeze through the gap. He fell onto soft snow. Snow. He hadn’t seen it for years. Suddenly it all came back to him. The days he had spent at the orphanage having snow ball fights with Amber. He began to cry again, for real this time. All the faults with his plan flooded to him at once. After being locked up for so long he had not factored in anything about whether. It had been an impulsive decision; not something he had taken time to think through, now he wished he had. He thought of trying to get back in but the window was too high to reach from the ground and he was sure an array of horrible punishments would be waiting for him. Instead he tried to keep running on toward the forest that lay in the distance. He kept tripping and could barely walk through the uneven snow. What scared him most was how it was piling up on the electronic parts and melting. He was already starting to lose control. His left ankle was the first to give out. He almost gave up then. He had no idea where he was trying to go from there and what he would do once he got there. He was just focused on the crazed goal of escape. He didn’t even know what he was escaping from exactly. Sure he was free from the cell but now his life was in even greater peril. He heard shouts and knew the guard had figured out what happened. Finally on trembling legs he collapsed into the snow. He could go no further. His breathing was erratic. What had his plan been anyway? Nothing but a crazed feverish whim. His tears streamed off his face and disappeared into the snow. Only one of his arms still worked. With it he grabbed the keys and threw them as far away as he could. If he was giving up at least he’d give the guard a bit of trouble later on. This wasn’t much consolation to him though. The scar on his stomach had ripped open and the snow around him began to turn red with his blood. He looked up to see what had been his prison for so many years. It was simply an old factory. Half the windows were already smashed. No more smoke drifted out from the window; presumably the fire had been set out. Now he could no longer move any of his electronic joints, they had all shorted out from the snow. He should have tried to run; he should have come up with a real plan instead of just following his own stupidity. He gasped in air and shivered as the snow numbed his body. At first it hurt horribly but then he realized there was an upside to this, it dulled all his other pains with time. Soon he could hardly feel anything. His eyelids became heavy with snow and he had to blink it away. A thick layer of snow began to cover him and he knew there would be no returning to the life he knew. For once he was scared. He looked to see the large metal door to the factory swing open and Dr. Luis running toward him. He let out a dry laugh as everything faded to black.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 23:52:04 +0000

I honestly like the story line. It will require research though.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

aangelwthhorns13 — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 23:55:48 +0000

@ Cathrine_M_Nunn Thanks I just read your synopsis and it sounds really interesting as well. Kind of Drop dead fred meets Casper the ghost.. so to speak. I hope you can pull yours off as well :)

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 23:56:00 +0000

I'm not likely to read this and I would likely have to crack open the book to see if the story was actually good before I continued on, or do some research into this. It lacks... something.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 00:32:46 +0000

Wow. You caught my attention with something I actually didn't know and had to go look up to see if it is true. I'll have to keep this in mind for later stuff. On one side, I agree with the idea of having a special requirement to graduate, like writing a paper or some other project. However, having spent quite a few years in Girl Scouts back when service hours were required for every badge and also having gotten my Gold Award, I know how hard it can be to find service hours. States are complaining about graduation rates, and the honest truth is, this kind of requirement seems to be against students who are poorer then other students, who can't afford their own car to get them places, or their parents are working. While I don't have a problem with unpaid internships, this honestly isn't what this is. Anyways, I like how your details are as thought out as they are, and yes... there is a high chance I would read this. If you do decide to get this published, I suggest adding in a page explaining about the Pennsylvania school system for those who, like me, don't know about stuff like this. While it is a minute detail, it might add an interesting charm to your novel.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Teneriel Morgenstern — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 00:34:18 +0000

Rashida, your story sounds amazing, i would love to read it. One suggestion i would make Piper a nerdy, shy kid until she finds Casey and the band, and then have her come out of her shell. Maybe make casey turn out to be bad new? I don't know, i'd love to read it though That being said Summary: Derek Gates, Lindsay Jones and Aaron Monroe have been best friends since kindergarten. That all changed at the beginning of senior year. Aaron Monroe shot himself on September 18th before the book begins. He killed himself because he was unable to deal with the abuse any longer. See Aaron Monroe was gay. And that was more than the small baptist town of Garland Texas could take. The day he killed himself was the last straw. Multiple times, in rapid succesion Aaron was told that queers went to hell. It didn't matter that he was a devout christian, he was damned. Moments before he killed himself Pastor Samuel Dougless confirmed this viewpoint. The rest of the novel deals with the fallout of these actions. In the end the characters come to a realization that the christian God loves everybody, regardless of sexuality. Derek also learns that it is not his fault Aaron died. Also, i want to bring Derek Gates and another character Ethan Evram toghether. It probably won't fit in a YA setting, but any suggestions? Thanks

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 00:34:35 +0000

This isn't enough to draw me in, because I've read quite a few plot lines that are similar. This isn't to say you shouldn't go with the idea, but you should honestly flesh it out.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 00:46:38 +0000

This is one of those books I would likely have to open up and read the first few paragraphs or read reviews online before I picked it up. Your plot needs something, something more then secret words.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

beanie — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 00:49:21 +0000

If I saw this at the bookstore, I would certainly buy it. It sounds like a fantastic read! (:

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 00:49:24 +0000

Honestly, this is too vague for me to want to read at this point. Sometimes, it can take a few drafts for that "thing" to get into what you are writing.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 00:51:14 +0000

Interesting, but not quite enough to draw me in, simply because this is an overly basic plot. Flesh it out by chugging away at that novel draft.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Pliva — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 00:51:44 +0000

I disagree, I think stories like this carry a lot of weight for teenagers, especially ones who may be suffering the same circumstances and need something to relate to. Finding another character like yourself can really help a struggling teen. As a teen I was actually involved in my school's production of The Laramie Project, and that was a profound experience. (and the students who were involved faced harassment, and not all of the faculty of our school protected us from it because they didn't agree with the choice of play. Just goes to show how a story that seems like it's only focused towards one group is really aimed at everyone, ever) I think it sounds like a wonderful story. I don't know about your background, but if you haven't been in a situation such as this, consider finding someone who has any sort of idea for an interview (even asking around on the NaNo forums, everyone is so diverse and helpful!) Also, if you're planning on having Derek be gay (or whichever sexuality he identifies with), and he's not out at the beginning of the story or doesn't recognize it himself, you could explore his journey as he morns for Aaron.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 00:53:47 +0000

This is not something I am likely to pick up from reading the back cover, I would need to crack open the novel and read some reviews.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 00:54:13 +0000

P.S. Are you trying for a Middle School Novel?

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 00:57:17 +0000

It is... an interesting idea. However, the whole thing seems like it needs some more fleshing out. I suggest plenty of side notes. Not sure about a title.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Pliva — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 01:00:20 +0000

Okay, my turn. The Turquoise Lady Summary: Maddigan Reed (Princess, technically, but don't call her that unless you want a sharp kick to the shin) doesn't want to take the throne from her father. She wants to be free to travel in the Walking Houses that Landwalkers travel in. On her 16th birthday she runs away to avoid being named official heir and joins up on the crew of The Turquoise Lady, a steamship that travels back and forth across the ocean from the North Kingdom to the West Kingdom. There she rises through the ranks and gets in adventures until she learns King Phillip has declared war on the Landwalkers and has stationed barriers to starve the resisting Landwalkers out. She meets an eccentric traveler named Eris Herron who needs help saving the Landwalkers, so she and her new mates hop back down to find a Walking House of their own to man. When Maddy comes face to face with King Phillip himself, she'll need every skill she's ever learned to save her and her kingdom.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 01:01:32 +0000

Actually this sounds much better. :D

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

legend_of — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 01:03:49 +0000

Thanks for your feedback! Is there a particular part that sounds confusing, or is it the entire premise?

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

legend_of — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 01:06:46 +0000

Thanks! I'm glad to hear the time loss piqued your interest, since that's one element I've been wavering back and forth on.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

annalastname — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 03:47:32 +0000

I think I'd read it. The beginning of the synopsis was kinda boring to me, but then you mentioned Lisle coming back and I was like "Oh, wow. Interesting."

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

writinginmyhead — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 05:59:27 +0000

Pliva, Though I'm not quite sure what a "Walking House" is, I have a feeling I would find out once I read your novel. I like your female protagonist. I like that you have an eccentric traveler. This could be the kind of book that becomes series --especially since she is 16 right now.--Okay, is her father King Phillip? Is the Queen's name, Aurora Dawn, aka Briar Rose? (JK) So is she fighting against her father? Or is King Phillip a king in nearby kingdom? I tried to find things to bring out for constructive criticism, but I couldn't find anything in your summary to um...critique.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

writinginmyhead — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 06:01:50 +0000

Okay, here's mine--please let me know if I should abandon this while it is still early in the game: Nora joins the school newspaper hoping to write controversial columns or to uncover scandalous affairs between teachers and students, or at least scandalous skimming of school funding by the PTA treasurer. Instead, she is assigned the Anonymous Advice column. To combat the boredom, she writes ridiculously ironic replies. She is surprised when it appears that not only students, but even some teachers begin to take her advice. She decides to up the ante making her advice more and more absurd, eventually getting herself kicked off the newspaper...but her following has become so large, she starts her own underground newspaper. That's when things really get bizarre.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

KatBrown — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 06:03:54 +0000

Um. This summary sounds weirdly like my life in HS. Well, not the boarding school part but the bulimia and deaf friend part. I would totally read it simply because I can relate to it although I'm not sure how accesable it would be to others.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

pinkstarburstsONLY — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 06:08:55 +0000

This seems like it could be really interesting! Nora sounds really snarky and fun. You could also do a lot of interesting social analysis... and you make we want to find out what this "bizarreness" is. :] I feel like, based on your description, this story could go in a lot of directions. So, just because of that, I'd say it has lots of potential and you should def continue it!

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

KatBrown — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 06:13:43 +0000

I totally want to read this! Seriously, finish it so I can buy it as soon as it's published :-) Everything from the title to the situation sounds great and it sounds like you've created a very unique culture here the likes of which I don't think has ever really be written before.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

anzoey — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 06:15:13 +0000

Yeah, that's my dilemma. While I would argue that this is a true YA -- 25 year olds are LITERALLY "young adults" while 16-17 year olds are NOT -- I do realize in the publishing world, YA as a GENRE is almost always defined by high schoolers. I'm not super sweating about where my novel goes for now(unless someone tells me I NEED to move it to another forum), but it's just frustrating. If I categorize it as a typical romance novel, my characters are not mature and "grown up" enough, if it's YA, they are TOO mature! Argh! They just need to develop a new genre for college-aged to young professional. =/

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

pinkstarburstsONLY — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 06:16:46 +0000

Here's my humble story. Working Title: Juniper Gard, In Death Summary: Juniper Gard dies rather unceremoniously when she it hit with a pipe from the back of a truck. She finds herself in the sewers of the afterlife, a pipe lodged in her head. On her first day being dead, Juniper is accosted by a Viking, a woman wearing a feather boa unironically, and a college student. All aim to take her physical body as their own. Juniper escapes, but she’s left in the middle of a pear orchard wondering what exactly is going on. So when she finds Mariano, who offers advise and explanations, she readily follows him. This might not have been the best decision, as they end up attacked by a mechanical librarian, a zombie and an a stone angel, and a lava-shark. There’s also a formal ball, a rotting whale corpse, and a mountain filled with science labs. But as ridiculous as the afterlife seems, it is filled with beauty and excitement and an intense loneliness. To find happiness, Juniper goes on a journey of self-discovery. Well, okay, it’s most like a journey of “let’s see what horrific things lurk here!” All is going great until she realizes an old family feud may put her very soul at risk… -- It seems like I just went "Random things! Random things! Lalalala~" but it's mostly about Juniper figuring out who she is and taking control of her life (...death?). Also, adventures. Also also, mini unicorns. (Okay, maybe there IS a healthy dose why-is-this-even-here-lolwut.)

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

KatBrown — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 06:36:54 +0000

This sounds hilarious! I would totally read this :-) It would be a cool way to do a sort of mixed media story with traditional narrative and then like actual columns that she writes.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

anzoey — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 06:41:37 +0000

I like the sound of this too! I think it would be important to portray the possible dark side to what she's doing. I mean, she's giving out semi-sarcastic outrageous suggestions for answers, right? What if someone who actually took her advice ended up hurting themselves/messing up their lives? I would love to see the consequences and fallout from that and how the MC matures.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

KatBrown — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 06:41:42 +0000

This sounds like it could be a really funny and fascinating exploration of death. And while all the Randoms sound interesting, I would be wary of letting them take over the story. Some readers need an explaination for everything so they might have a problem with the Randoms. Also, the first thing I thought when I read the first sentence of your summary was "lol it's a Dead Like Me death!" (if you don't know the show then trust me, that's a good! Obscure deaths and snarkyness abound in a pool of awesome.)

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

pinkstarburstsONLY — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 06:53:13 +0000

Thanks! The randomness makes more sense in-universe, since the idea is that everything was constructed by different people and then linked up randomly. And if you could make any type of landscape, why WOULDN'T you have shark-infested lava? But when I put it all together as a list with no context, it all just seemed so ridiculous even *I* arched an eyebrow. XD I've never seen Dead Like Me, but that sounds awesome. :D Maybe when nano is over and there is spare time to be had....

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Pliva — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 11:29:00 +0000

Ha, yeah, looking back that wasn't clear. In this, there's the Northern Kingdom (King Phillip) and the smaller, co-exesting kingdom of the Landwalkers. (Maddy) It will end up being a Trilogy, but all the books have a different MC, so while we'll see Maddy again, it won't be her story in the future books.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Genevievey24 — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 11:33:18 +0000

This sounds brilliant, and potentially hilarious (in a thoughtful way...)! I would definitely read it! :D

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

poi_son_joy — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 12:35:18 +0000

Okay, this seems like it could be REALLY surreal and funny. And the "take control of your own afterlife" thing is just neat! I would definitely pick this up and give it a shot. :)

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

poi_son_joy — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 12:42:34 +0000

Here's my summary, at the moment: Once upon a time, a brave little girl named Meghan picked up her toy sword and walked into another world---a world full of monsters---to save a friend... In the here and now, however, Jeremy Cook has more ordinary things on his mind. Classes, and bullies, and his new friendship with Ian, the kid who just moved to town... He's a geek and a troublemaker and still trying to figure himself out on top of all that. He's got enough to worry about. But when Ian's little sister disappears, he realizes there's a lot he'd do to help out his new friend. And the more he learns, the more he starts to realize there's a secret that everyone's forgetting, about the barriers around their normal lives---and just how easy it can be for someone, or something, to break through them...

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

midwesternmind — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 13:36:20 +0000

Middle School, maybe a little younger.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Rashida — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 16:05:59 +0000

Cool. ^_^ And, admittedly, writing this first part is not as interesting as I would have liked. There's always editing in December haha I can't WAIT to be writing about Lisle coming back. I think that's going to be where it gets fun. Thanks for replying! Happy Nano-ing!!!

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

LuLiLa — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 20:17:40 +0000

Cool! I would read it! ^^ I love stories told from the point of view of a ghost/dead person (my main character dies in the first chapter and the rest is told by him after he's dead). Randomness is ok to some extent, my writing is mostly just serious but sometimes I enjoy random stories, they usually at the least make me laugh. Yay for ghost story writers! :)

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

mommywantstoread — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 20:32:21 +0000

Ok so totally scared to post this. I know some of it is cliche but since I probably wont publish it I'm ok with it. Saved years ago in a house fire that left her mother crippled, Wilhelmina aka Helly Atwood has spent the 17 years afterwards living a quiet life in her suburban New Jersey hometown. Now a college sophomore she never could have imagined the centuries old family secret her father has been keeping from her. Helly is a Rainbow Weaver- one who is capable of weaving an ancient magic that brings about both good and bad luck. Both "good" and "evil" forces want to take advantage of her ability for their own cause. She will soon find herself on the run from the hounds of hell and their child devouring demon owner. Can she find a way to protect herself and those she loves before they are consumed in flames?

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

loserlikeme — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 22:16:42 +0000

I would so read this, it sounds like a fun, sarcastic, and snarky book (and I would know-I've read a lot of them) that would make for a great read!

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Teneriel Morgenstern — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 22:28:46 +0000

Thanks, i was thinking about doing that And to answer your previous question. I actually have been in a similar circumstance. A few years ago i struggled with reconciling my faith with the fact that i was gay. And it got to the point that i was considering committing suicide. I am hoping to use this book to reach out to others in that situation.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

loserlikeme — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 22:32:44 +0000

Okay, I have two possible books with similar plots that I've written the first chapters for, and I was wondering which I should expand on for NaNo? 1. Untitled (If you have one in mind, please tell me!): Kate Shay has lived in Los Angeles her whole life, among the hustle and bustle of city-goers, and has a snarky demeanor that either makes you love her or hate her. When her father finds a pregnancy test (don't worry-it's negative, she isn't pregnant!) in her trash can, he decides it's time for a change in her life and moves them to the small suburban town of Laurel, California. The book follows Kate's efforts to adjust to life in suburbia, and win prom queen against the leader of the Unholy Trinity (and antagonist) Sarah Downes. (The Unholy Trinity is made up of Sarah, Tara, and Farrah). 2. Break A Leg: Kelsi Barnes just transferred to her local performing arts high school (for the theatre program) and is led into a battle with the Theater Queen, Rachel Leagh, for the iconic role of Fanny Brice in the school's production of 'Funny Girl' (though this could change, I haven't decided the final role they'll be competing for yet). Both these end in "twists" that I'm willing to divulge if you would like! Sound off!

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Princeshelby — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 23:16:15 +0000

I really like the second one, I'd seriously consider reading it; it sticks out among all the paranormal romances and mean girl books. As for mine (I really want to know if it's cheesy or not!): First off, it's a 1st-alt. The character that it starts with is Mo, who is an amazing rock cellist, but is so hard on herself she thinks she absolutely stinks, and won't let anyone tell her otherwise. So her friend, Anika, who just moved back to her small hometown in Germany, invites Mo to come over and "help her family build up the farm they're starting". It turns out she entered Mo in a talent competition, and she has no choice but to go through with it, especially after finding out Anika's motivation (she was a former child prodigy, but won't tell Mo why she doesn't play anymore). That's all I've got there; I'm kind of winging it. How cliche would it be for the two of them to end up as a duo? Anyway, Anika's story is told from when she got discovered as a prodigy at age four. She played until she was about 10, but she lost her hearing briefly, and everyone thought it was permanent (I may change that part of her story, though, nothings really set in stone). There's a lot of drama that goes with that, and that makes up her plot until finally we catch up with where the two stories entertwine, and the telling of the story will alternate between the two perspectives based on who it affects the most. Ta-da.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

loserlikeme — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 23:36:52 +0000

Well, I think the "twist" endings will endear you to my story more, and help you decide which I should flesh out. Fair warning-I know that these have very similar plots, and very similar endings, so I am only finishing one. The endings: 1. It would end with a tie. But-here's the twist. A tie between two different girls. 2. Would end with the role being double cast (with two other girls). If you can think of an ending that would work better for either-speak up!

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Imaboss — Sat, 05 Nov 2011 00:08:56 +0000

@Princeshelby-I don't think your is too cheesy, and there are so many plots and stories out there, that a couple cliches will manage to sneak in regardless. We can't all be completely original; our inspiration always comes from somewhere! I'd read it because it seems to have stuff on friendship, life, and all that jazz. However, from the description of Mo, she comes off as a bit whiny. You'd probably have to make her character endearing enough so that people will want to keep reading. And the problem with having altering points of view is that you have to make sure each one is unique and natural. If you've reading The Help by Kathryn Stockett, I think it's a great example of alternating perspective. The duo idea sounds fine, as long as you manage to pull it off! As for mine...here's the synopsis: Elora Smith does little besides attending school, caring for her sister, and atoning for the deaths of her parents, who died five years ago. Her ability to sense danger has her on the fringes, afraid of being involved with anyone. But on the fifth anniversary of her parents' death, a handsome stranger turns the bustling town of Tippie upside down. The embodiment of peril, Silas Blaze Johnson intrudes on Elora's life, raising more questions than she's comfortable with. Elora will do anything she can to hold onto the vestiges of her old dreams, but come Summer's End, a new cycle begins, and the old must be destroyed. Lots of things subject to change, but that's the gist of it. It's supernatural young adult. I know, I know, young adult novels about this stuff suck nowadays, but I still want to take a stab at it!

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

LuLiLa — Sat, 05 Nov 2011 00:26:31 +0000

I'm reposting mine since it did not get any replies and I'd like some feedback, hope this is alright! My story takes place in the future and there are these twisted scientists who experiment on orphan children by replacing failing body parts with electronics but later they begin to rush there work and replace things that were working fine to begin with, these children are cruelly treated and weakened by the horrible tests that have been done on them. In the first chapter of my story my MC (Boe) dies but then the rest of the story is told by his ghost and pretty much he has to find a way to save the other children who are still alive and suffering even though he cannot contact the living (except for one person who he hates and they hate him back). That is a VERY shortened description of it and I left a lot out but I hope you at least sort of get the main idea of what it's about from this (I'm terrible at describing my stories, much better at just writing them). Just so you don't think the story is horrible just because I am terrible with summaries here is a little excerpt from it : Six Years Later (Chapter 1) Boe’s eyes shot open and his heart raced with fear. The masked men stood over him their smiles taunting him. What horrible mutation had they preformed this time? He did not want to know. He could not yet move. He struggled and tried to sit up but pain shot through his body and a gloved hand shoved him back down. “Help!” he cried desperately. He could hear someone crying in the distance, knowing their turn was next. He could feel the cold metal of the table on his back and it sent a chill down his spine. “Don’t worry,” said one of the masked men in a mocking tone, “everything will be alright, in fact, it will be better than alright, you will soon be improved!” He brushed back a lock of silky black hair from Boe’s face and laughed. Boe watched him with eyes clouded with pain, he was helpless. Dizziness suddenly overcame him and the sounds became distant. He was unconscious again. Next time he awoke he was in a cell. Packed in side by side with the other children from the orphanage, they were still sleeping. The bliss of sleep. He sighed and tried to stand but stumbled, falling back to the cold cement. The room was filled with horrible stench and the only sounds to be heard were the moans and wails that the other children made in their sleep. He groaned as he pulled himself into a sitting position. His head pounded and his vision was blurred with numerous spots. Around him the four deformed creatures slept. He could barely stand to think that they were still innocent children. Some seemed more machine than human. The first thing the masked men had done to Boe was swap his lungs for an electronic set. They had told him there was something wrong with his real ones and that things would be better after the operation. Unfortunately he was naïve enough at the time to believe them. The children around him were wrapped in bloody bandages and shivering. The floor was stained with countless pools of red. Boe gritted his teeth against the pain that filled him; he could not yet tell where it was coming from though. They were kept in a perpetual night with no gage of time as if to keep them from seeing their own decrepit forms. He squinted trying to see better in the dim light provided by a single candle just outside the cell. First he looked at his arms. He shuddered, they weren’t any different than they usually were but their normal appearance bothered him greatly. Both arms were sickly pale and at the elbow the soft flesh transitioned to metal. His forearms and hands were completely electronic, he could move them perfectly yet had no feeling in them and they scared him to see. He bit his lip nervously wondering what horrendous change they had preformed this time. Beside him Amber moaned in her sleep rolling over to reveal an array of scars on her back from failed experiments. That’s all they were to the men with the masks. Lab rats; things to experiment on and play with. They kept telling Boe that they were trying to help him but he knew that was a lie. He wanted to talk to her but thought it was best not to wake her. Amber was fifteen, she had come with him from the orphanage, been locked in the same cage. Except she hadn’t gotten the brunt of their twisted tests like Boe had. They had claimed it was a miracle and that they were saving his life, but they were wrong. They were only making him sicker by the minute with their cruel tests, how he hated them. There were only four children in the room, Boe knew the masked men would be wanting more soon. They had taken Boe along with four others from the orphanage many years before. The youngest, a six year old girl named Sari hadn’t even made it past the first week. They insisted to Boe that they had come too late to help her though he knew it was by their own dreadful hands that she died. They were crazed. Using technology to turn children into monsters. At first they just replaced the failing parts with electronics but as their madness grew they began to take more and more from the children. Boe blinked again struggling to see in the dim light. He looked over Amber to make sure they hadn’t done anything too horrible to her. Her left wrist and hand were wrapped in bandages and through them he could see silver. “D*mn!” he screamed his voice echoing through the halls. This got the attention of the guard who was standing two rooms over. The door leading into the room with the cell was flung open and a burly man stepped out. “Shut up!” he shouted, hitting the bars with a metal bat. They shook and let out a high pitched ring which rattled through the room. Kura, the youngest of children, only ten woke up abruptly and began crying at this. Boe sunk back to the corner of the cell knowing there was nothing he could do. He crawled over to her and took her hand gently in his but she shrieked at the sight of him and tried to back away. “Shh,” he whispered, “It’s just me, Boe.” He attempted to smile if only for her sake. She stared at him briefly then cuddled closer to him for protection. The guard laughed loudly. “You think he’s going to save you?” he chuckled, “I’d like to see that!” His large belly bounced as he laughed. “Kid, he’s too weak to take care of himself, what makes you think he’ll want to help you?” he burst out into rude laughter so loud it nearly shook the building. Kura squeezed Boe’s hand even though she knew he couldn’t feel it. “Don’t worry,” she whispered faintly, “I trust you.” With that she fell back into a feverish sleep in his arms. Then the two people he hated most entered. Dr. Luis with his never taunting grin that never ceased to exist and Dr. Smith with her sharp glittering eyes that watched his every move like an eagle. He rarely saw them yet he could tell, they were the ones behind this project. The masked men were mindless drones, only working to please their leaders. He had also noticed something strange though, they always seemed a bit uneasy when around the children. Almost as if they were both frightened and amazed by their creations. He realized he was on his knees and struggled to stand when they approached. He must not show weakness before them. Dr. Smith turned to the surly guard. “We can handle it from here,” she instructed shooing him out of the room. He looked back as if to protest but then decided against it. Dr. Luis took one look at Boe and laughed. “Well, well, well, Little Child, look how you’ve grown! Yet you’re still so thin. Is everything to your liking?” he chuckled, his green eyes now cold and full of malice. “You know it isn’t!” Boe spat through the bars, his eyes reflecting just as much hatred in return. He reached his arm through the bars and tried to get to Dr. Luis but he was standing too far away. Boe fell back, panting and defeated. “Now, now, you wouldn’t want to get all scratched up, would you now?” he asked in a calm voice. “Go to h*ll!” Boe yelled in response. Tears began streaming down his face and he almost wiped them off but thought against it. That would be bad. If he had it probably would have short circuited his arms and then he would have to go in for surgery again. He shuddered at the thought. “Naughty, naughty,” Dr. Smith commented, “You wouldn’t want to be punished now, would you?” she snapped losing her temper. Punishment, no. That was worst of all. They would simply put him in a dark room alone and give him small operations every day, slowly turning more and more of him to metal. Boe’s eyes went wide at the thought and he was silent. He thought they would be happy but instead Dr. Luis let out a gasp. “Shut up!” he shouted though he was not looking in Boe’s direction. Boe stepped back confused. Dr. Smith looked concerned and took Dr. Luis’s hand. She carefully led him out of the room but not without giving Boe one last nasty glare. Once again he was alone except for the three battered children who lay with him, all their courage gone, slowly drained out through the years. But he would not lose hope. As the pain faded to a bearable degree he could see better and localize the source of the pain. He finally noticed a large blood soaked bandage around his stomach. Suddenly he had an idea. He had to get it perfect or his chances of escape would be crushed for quite a while. Cringing, he unwrapped the bandage. At first it stuck but finally he had removed it completely. He wanted to do this before anyone woke, he had to hurry, Amber was already stirring. He looked at the small candle that lay just out of his reach. Slowly he slid the cloth through the bars, inching it toward the candle. Finally it reached it destination. Hot wax began to drip onto it, but that was not enough to start a flame. Very carefully he waved the cloth just slightly so its corner brushed the flame, and like a miracle it lit up bright with yellow flames. Boe laughed for the first time in many months but unfortunately he had to stop because it hurt his abdomen too much. The cloth caught quickly and in an instant Boe grabbed it and threw it as hard as he could toward the wooden table in the middle of the room. It barely reached its destination, but at least it did. The flame was not at all what he had hoped it would be. It did not engulf the table as it should have but simply started to smolder slowly on the table edge. He screamed in agony. Then he noticed something. The smell of smoke was filling his nostrils and the room; he hoped it would be enough to get the guard’s attention. Amber opened her eyes. “Boe?” she muttered weakly. “What’s going on?” “No time to explain,” he replied a grin on his dirty face. Suddenly the guard burst into the room coughing. “What the?” he exclaimed confused. Boe began to cry, deliberately this time though. “Help!” he called out. “The candle lit the bandage and it just spread!” he sobbed hoping the guard was not intelligent enough to figure out what had actually happened. The other children all awoke now, terrified by the smoke. The baffled guard stood dumbstruck. “Please!” Boe begged, “Help us! Dr. Luis would certainly take your job if you left his test subjects to die!” Apparently this had not yet occurred to the guard since suddenly he became frantic and reached into his pocket. He pulled out an old and rusted key and quickly fumbled to get it into the lock. Finally the door swung open. Most of the children were too stunned to move, though Allie stood up and Boe pulled the key ring out of the lock and darted out the second it was open. Kura and Teiren just sat there, eyes wide with confusion and pain. Slowly Teiren stood up and walked over to the guard. Kura tried to stand but collapsed under her own weight. Boe looked back, just for a second and had a pang of guilt. He had only planned his own escape. In that instant he saw with relief the guard’s eyes were misted with smoke and he could not see but he also saw Kura. She was sitting in the corner shivering. He knew what he had done was wrong and that the other children would be severely punished for it. Still, he kept on running. Well, at least what could count as a run for him, it was more of a limp. Every step pained him greatly yet he continued. Finally he reached the metal door at the end of the hallway. He could barely see through the smoke and fumbled with the keys a couple times before actually getting the door open. He didn’t close it behind him for fear that the guard would hear and become suspicious. Suddenly, he found what he had been looking for. Near the ceiling in the cramped cement room there was a single window. To him it was freedom. He took a running starting and jumped, just barely clinging to the window sill. Slowly and very painfully he pulled himself up. He could hear footsteps approaching and frantically lifted open the old window with a creak. It was small enough that most children could not have fit through it but Boe was thin enough by far to squeeze through the gap. He fell onto soft snow. Snow. He hadn’t seen it for years. Suddenly it all came back to him. The days he had spent at the orphanage having snow ball fights with Amber. He began to cry again, for real this time. All the faults with his plan flooded to him at once. After being locked up for so long he had not factored in anything about whether. It had been an impulsive decision; not something he had taken time to think through, now he wished he had. He thought of trying to get back in but the window was too high to reach from the ground and he was sure an array of horrible punishments would be waiting for him. Instead he tried to keep running on toward the forest that lay in the distance. He kept tripping and could barely walk through the uneven snow. What scared him most was how it was piling up on the electronic parts and melting. He was already starting to lose control. His left ankle was the first to give out. He almost gave up then. He had no idea where he was trying to go from there and what he would do once he got there. He was just focused on the crazed goal of escape. He didn’t even know what he was escaping from exactly. Sure he was free from the cell but now his life was in even greater peril. He heard shouts and knew the guard had figured out what happened. Finally on trembling legs he collapsed into the snow. He could go no further. His breathing was erratic. What had his plan been anyway? Nothing but a crazed feverish whim. His tears streamed off his face and disappeared into the snow. Only one of his arms still worked. With it he grabbed the keys and threw them as far away as he could. If he was giving up at least he’d give the guard a bit of trouble later on. This wasn’t much consolation to him though. The scar on his stomach had ripped open and the snow around him began to turn red with his blood. He looked up to see what had been his prison for so many years. It was simply an old factory. Half the windows were already smashed. No more smoke drifted out from the window; presumably the fire had been set out. Now he could no longer move any of his electronic joints, they had all shorted out from the snow. He should have tried to run; he should have come up with a real plan instead of just following his own stupidity. He gasped in air and shivered as the snow numbed his body. At first it hurt horribly but then he realized there was an upside to this, it dulled all his other pains with time. Soon he could hardly feel anything. His eyelids became heavy with snow and he had to blink it away. A thick layer of snow began to cover him and he knew there would be no returning to the life he knew. For once he was scared. He looked to see the large metal door to the factory swing open and Dr. Luis running toward him. He let out a dry laugh as everything faded to black.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Haley Smutzer — Sat, 05 Nov 2011 00:45:43 +0000

Your sentence...Life on Earth. Your release.... Death. As young New York City nurse Maddi Baker soon realizes, life is not what it seems. On the night of her murder, Maddi is thrown into an alternate dimension in which Earth is a mere creation- designed to house the sentenced criminals of her world. With no knowledge of her previous life or crimes for which she had been removed , Maddi is thrown into a storm of confusion, betrayal and terrifying secrets as the world she once knew comes crashing down. Once released, Maddi's only ambition is to discover the haunting truth of her past, all the while under the watchful eye of the Alliance, a power-craving government who seeks to destroy the slightest rumor of rebellion, coincidentally rekindled by Maddi's release. Trapped in the confinements of the many districts surrounding what is known as The Sage, Maddi is caught in the struggle of what she thought her life on Earth was, and what it was created to be- a sentence. As her life before Earth begins to unfold a shocking truth about her sentence reveals yet another intertwined murder, and this time she is the criminal.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Haley Smutzer — Sat, 05 Nov 2011 02:06:31 +0000

@loserlikeme: So, you have a very luring narrative writing style which will be enduring no matter which story you decide to pursue. Personally, I like #1 the most partly because there is a more drastic change that forces Kate into more interesting situations (at least in my opinion). Also, I think #2 sounds like oh so many Disney Movies and is less charismatic than #1. I am a big time lover of twists and am excited to see where this goes! I would definantly read this. Best of Luck!

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Haley Smutzer — Sat, 05 Nov 2011 04:05:02 +0000

@Princeshelby: I simply love a good musical tale. This reminds me of August Rush due to its tender simplicity. I think this novel appeals to both "romantics" and to "dreamers". I think the idea of using two perspectives is very interesting- as well as a good choice for this specific story. I was wondering if you are going to use flashbacks or directly entertwine narrative voices for Anika and Mo by simply changing font or style. Also, I would definantly think about the dramatic moments that are key to your book, whether it be a confrontation or a moment of revelation and use that as a guideline. I love twists, so the more "aha" moments the better (in my opinion). This is going to be great! I can't wait to see where you decide to go with this- the options are truly unlimited at this point. Good Luck! -Haley

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Haley Smutzer — Sat, 05 Nov 2011 04:12:29 +0000

@Imaboss: I think it is great that you want to change the sad label of what has now become "sucky supernatural novels"! I do think this has great potential simply because it contrasts the fantasy of the "unreal" with the "real", thus creating a "realistic" impossible situation. Basically, the reader overlooks the fact that this can't possibly happen simply because you are a convincing author and make it seem plausible through the tone and emotion. I am sensing some attraction and wonder if this will turn into a romance novel on accident? I really like the uncertainty of the novel that keeps the reader wanting more, which is always good. One last comment before I depart, do you have a title? Wishing you the Best of Luck, -Haley

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Haley Smutzer — Sat, 05 Nov 2011 04:15:41 +0000

Here is my Novel Synopsis- Title: VICTS Your sentence...Life on Earth. Your release.... Death. As young New York City nurse Maddi Baker soon realizes, life is not what it seems. On the night of her murder, Maddi is thrown into an alternate dimension in which Earth is a mere creation- designed to house the sentenced criminals of her world. With no knowledge of her previous life or crimes for which she had been removed , Maddi is thrown into a storm of confusion, betrayal and terrifying secrets as the world she once knew comes crashing down. Once released, Maddi's only ambition is to discover the haunting truth of her past, all the while under the watchful eye of the Alliance, a power-craving government who seeks to destroy the slightest rumor of rebellion, coincidentally rekindled by Maddi's release. Trapped in the confinements of the many districts surrounding what is known as The Sage, Maddi is caught in the struggle of what she thought her life on Earth was, and what it was created to be- a sentence. As her life before Earth begins to unfold a shocking truth about her sentence reveals yet another intertwined murder, and this time she is the criminal.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

endlessfever — Sat, 05 Nov 2011 08:34:47 +0000

i might pick up both of them, but i feel like #1 would hold my attention more. I love that the trinity's names all rhyme (small things amuse me).

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

endlessfever — Sat, 05 Nov 2011 08:35:20 +0000

Title: Reverberation Genre: Young Adult Synopsis: What if you kept a dark secret and a six-year-old child died because of your silence? Three months ago, Brendan Grace committed a disgusting crime. He abducted, raped, and murdered a six-year-old boy. Brendan was killed by the police, leaving sixteen-year-old Avery and his family to deal with the reverberation of his crime. They did not deal well. Avery's little sister Kayla had nightmares almost every night and barely got through a day without crying. Their mother Eve began to self medicate with pills and booze after she was let go from her waitressing job when people started to complain about her presence in the restaurant. Their town was too small, too aware of Brendan's crime. It felt like everyone was always looking at time, always condemning them for being related to a monster. When several girls attacked Kayla at day camp, it became clear the family had to get away from their small town and start fresh. But with limited funds, there wasn't many options on places to go. Thankfully, Eve's old friend Chloe, who lives on Long Island, offered to take the shell shocked group into her home. Now, Avery must deal with a new school and Zack, Chloe's son who is a grade ahead of him. Zack has always disliked Avery, but now he is cruel to the other teen. Avery is desperate for his mother to get help that he tries to ignore Zack, tries to fit in at school and prove to her that he is all right. He believes if she sees he's okay, she can enter a treatment program. The thing is, Avery is not all right by any means. The child's blood is on Avery's hands as much as Brendan’s and no one knows it. If he had been braver, if he hadn’t been so weak, so afraid, the little boy would be alive. The guilt is slowly consuming the teen. All Avery can do is struggle through the reverberations of Brendan’s crime. The thing is, Avery’s not so sure he wants to keep going.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

anzoey — Sat, 05 Nov 2011 08:51:29 +0000

I actually really like this! It's dark but compelling. It reminds me a little of a Jodi Picoult novel. LOL though at first, I thought there was going to be a romantic subplot between Avery and Zach -- until I realized that Avery is a BOY! (not to say that there's anything wrong with LGBT if that's where you're heading) I'm just used to Avery being used for girls these days, despite it being originally a boy's name.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

sarahmfighter — Sat, 05 Nov 2011 13:46:14 +0000

I would definitely read yours! It sounds really cute and like it'd be a fun read. Marlie seems really interesting, and now I want to know more about Jackson. :D I love books where people get teamed up with celebrities. The results are usually...interesting. Here's mine: Rosalina and Eliza have been best friends since fourth grade. They do everything together and share every secret. But Rose has been keeping one very big secret: She's not exactly human, and neither is Eliza. One night, Rose tricks Eliza into transporting herself to their birth planet: Litholia. She registers as a citizen and gets her super power, which is a very sought after ability: The ability to create invisible, solid walls or sheilds. While Eliza goofs off exploring her real home planet, learning about the planet's history and culture, and learning how to control her own new powers, a war is going on between Political Leader Lynn Vandstrors and Former Leader Charlotte Báthory. Charlotte thinks that Litholians should either enslave humans or leave them alone completely. Lynn thinks the peace between Humans and Litholians should continue, but stay a secret. Charlotte crosses the line when she blocks all transportation and communication methods to and from Earth. Not only does she block the ones in the city of Barley, but all over the world. Litholians start to panic. Leaders are getting impatient. Eliza is stuck on Litholia and has no way to contact her parents and tell them where she is. Not to mention the fact that certain people want her to help defend their people should a fight break out, even though she's only a teenager and she barely knows her own power yet. What can Eliza do now that she's stuck on a planet where you can never really trust anyone and every body has super powers?

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

endlessfever — Sat, 05 Nov 2011 16:40:21 +0000

hah yeah i only know female avery's now too - at least the little ones i work with...but i love the name for him. there may be an lgbt element, not sure -- he's so damaged that i don't think he identifies as either sexuality.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Skydream500 — Sat, 05 Nov 2011 16:45:23 +0000

It sounds really interesting! But I think it might be a little long for a Synopsis, especially since it has a lot of the plot already outlined! Very cool though, I would totally read it :]

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Skydream500 — Sat, 05 Nov 2011 16:46:18 +0000

Here is Mine :] A young British girl, Cordelia, has lived her whole life in a bubble, protected from the painful truth of the real world. Each day is mundane, the same, and follows a strict routine controlled by Ms. Mildred Jones. She longs for the day she will be able to follow in the footsteps of her older sister Olivia, by finally escaping this household. After a particularly rough day she attends a gala her parents hold annually, there she meets a young boy named Roderick. As the son of a radical political candidate he was raised differently, unlike Cordelia he was not sheltered and opens her eyes to not only things she has never known but to more fun than she has ever had. But as they grow closer they both discover the real reason Cordelia was sheltered so much from reality. Cordelia is forced to question her family wealth, her parents, and even her older sister as she discovers that the truth really does hurt.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

liacoraginger — Sat, 05 Nov 2011 18:42:55 +0000

oh gosh that sounds very good. i'm curious to know if there's anything magical involved here (which is just personally more interesting to me), and also what time period - it seems like it could be any time, and once again it's a personal preference that i like history-based books XD but, though i'm not sure i would personally pick it up unless there was something magical or historical going on, it does sound /very/ interesting and if a friend had read it and liked it, i would certainly give it a try :)

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

liacoraginger — Sat, 05 Nov 2011 18:47:41 +0000

i didn't even read any more than that first line, i didn't want to read any more - i didn't want to be spoiled XD honestly, that one line right up at the top there is such a kicker that i would drop everything to read this instantly. i'm a sucker for family stories and dark secrets and please finish this so i can read it 8D

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

endlessfever — Sat, 05 Nov 2011 20:01:22 +0000

*big Grin* thanks! It's one of those that does work as a one sentence teaser like that. i envision the back cover would just be the first page, or pieces of it, where Avery is seeing the dead boy -- more of a tease than a summary.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cuddles54227 — Sat, 05 Nov 2011 22:21:32 +0000

Angela, is entering the tenth grade, she just wishes that her friends could be there with her. Due to some "problems" at her former high-school, she's been forced to re-locate and basically start her life over again from scratch. Angela isn't allowed to mention why she leave her previous school, so she doesn't really bother to get too close to anyone. Until one day, she meets a guy, who somehow has an odd familiar feeling about him. The new high-school is just supposed to be a "limbo" between her past school and private school, but what if the boy she meets compels her to stay? Just another cheesy romance /young adult story, nothing special. ;)

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

meriam2e — Sat, 05 Nov 2011 23:01:15 +0000

Id still read it, I'm interested to know what the problems that arose in her old school but i think its a good story. For some reason, it reminds me of a paranormal type of thing? even though you never mentioned anything like that :P still, fantasy or not, i'd read :)

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

meriam2e — Sat, 05 Nov 2011 23:11:42 +0000

Ok here's mine... its pretty much the synopsis on my profile The abandoned Eloise Insane Asylum has always intrigued many with its stories of people who have gone inside, never to be seen again. But when six humans are trapped behind its doors by the zombies that live inside, things take a turn for the worse. It becomes a battle to stay alive; make it until sunrise before there is nothing left of you to see daylight again. meanings its about a time in the near future where zombies exist among humans. All the humans have different stories of ending up in the asylum. some as a dare, some took a wrong turn, and one girl goes back to find someone that she loved, someone that turned into a zombie and is living there. It's fun to write and im hoping someone out there finds it fun to read.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

meriam2e — Sat, 05 Nov 2011 23:15:11 +0000

I agree with @liacoraginger it seems timeless and that's not necessarily a bad thing. It seems on the edge of dystopian and has a really good storyline from what i can tell. keep going, but yes i'd read

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cuddles54227 — Sat, 05 Nov 2011 23:19:24 +0000

Oh my gosh! You're from Michigan too?!? :O I think it's interesting...anything with zombies has me intrigued. ;)

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

antonio arvayo (bajo el pseudónimo klev rhino) — Sat, 05 Nov 2011 23:34:48 +0000

@meriam2e: i'd read it. would like to know more about the way humans and zombies interact and all about how they became zombies and why they keep living and so muuuch, but I'm guessing you'd need to read the book for that. lol. point is, i'd read it. Mine's about a little girl named Asthenia. She lives in Litan, a little town where snow and cold is the only weather there is. Attending a boarding school as far as she can remember she discovers she has the power of give back life, but only while she is holding or touching another dead person/animal, if she does it one time and then stop touching the person/animal they die. forever. Now she finds there's an evil lord of a group called ''the hunters'' where they chase and kill ''the guardians'' a group able to give life (they hide by being able to transform in the last animal they saved), but not the way astenia can, they can only give life from one dead animal to another animal. So, asthenia becomes the target of all evil forces. Asthenia becomes aware of this when Vinsil, her only friend, is killed by a hunter. She is now holding his hand, on a journey to destroy the evil lord. it's actually a dark and sad story. here's an excerpt when vinsil tell Asthenia to let go, to be free in order to win this war. ''...when you're far away from the person you love, time seems to take place in two different dimensions. Your days will go by so fast that looking back you won't believe how the monotone briskness of the day by day have brought you to this moment. However, in the adjoining dimension, you can perceive how the time becomes your enemy. Days will feel like weeks, weeks like years, years like an eternity, like each event is outworking time by being hopelessly dragged by the weight of your wishes and the sorrow of not being with the one you truly love, of not being next to the person whose life is destined to be an eternal bond between you and your happiness. '' (this is a translation, my actual novel will be written in spanish)

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

meriam2e — Sun, 06 Nov 2011 00:47:33 +0000

This sounds good, i've never heard of mixing half robot children with ghosts. It's definitely original, it isn't exactly my type of book but the concept is original enough that i would give it a try :)

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Skydream500 — Sun, 06 Nov 2011 01:53:58 +0000

I'm glad you are interested! I have considered setting it in an older time period but if I ever wrote a book in historical fiction I'd definitely have to do it in a longer time period. So for now it stays modern and as for magic, there is no magic involved. I'm not against or anything but this is definitely not that kind of story :]

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Skydream500 — Sun, 06 Nov 2011 01:58:24 +0000

It is a bit on the edge of dystopian, but I guess only really for her. Thanks for the input :]

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

misslizzylennon — Mon, 07 Nov 2011 01:30:37 +0000

I would for sure read it, yeah :] It sounds great, and the characters you have seem believable and actually human :]

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

misslizzylennon — Mon, 07 Nov 2011 01:46:46 +0000

When I read about how you explained your novel, I wasn't totally sold. I thought it was a really unique and good idea, but maybe not for me. Your excerpt is great, though. I love your writing style and I just feel like it really will move the plot along. I think that if I read it I wouldn't be totally sure of it at first, but I would end up loving it, you know? Mine: In July, Allison Davids and her family moves to California. When school starts, she's still not completely sure how to handle people there. She has to learn how to deal with superficial girls who think they own everything, her long distance relationship with her boyfriend Jake, and several family issues that have been going on for years. That's just the synopsis I quickly wrote for my novel info, though. Basically Ally's mom has a lot of self esteem issues and is terrified of Ally's dad. Ally's dad has a lot of anger problems and is very hot headed. I mean, that's hard to deal with anyway, but moving away from your best friend and your boyfriend makes it a lot harder. Krissy, Ally's new neighbor and classmate is very snarky and looks down on everyone. Ally already feels awkward, being a new Senior because everyone else already knows each other. Throughout the year, Ally reconnects with her brother who got kicked out, learns more about her mother and her fears, and slowly understands what matters most in life. A small excerpt: "Maybe I didn’t love Jake before. I’m not sure if I love him now either, but I know that I don’t want to be without him. We’ve been dating for six months, and that time’s been the happiest I’ve been. There’s this bond between us and it feels like fate really wants us to be together, because no matter what we go through we end up back together. This is the faith that I hold on to. The faith that we can change, that we can grow together. Isn’t that one of the great things of relationships? You can learn from each other and your experiences as a couple." -Ally talking about forgiving Jake ... “You went to all those places?” I can’t help it, I’m amazed. “In the U.S. yeah. And since our college was on a semester schedule, I finished early and backpacked through Europe for a whole semester.” “Where was your favorite place to go?” “I loved San Francisco, I would love to live there. Maybe someday you and I could go, and I can show you everywhere that I visited.” We both know that won’t happen because of how Dad is, but I let the moment last a little longer. “I would love that,” I say finally. -Ally and her mom talking, Ally is surprised that her mother was once adventurous and traveled around the world.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

AnaraSimons — Mon, 07 Nov 2011 05:08:05 +0000

Your excerpt pulls me in better than your synopsis. Had I picked up your book and read that on the back, I probably would have put it down. It just didn't seem to pull me in enough and it would almost appear to me that I would think, "Hm, this character has the potential to be really whiny." Your synopsis just didn't hook me in or give me enough. But the excerpt was good. I liked that and would read more for that. But you have to get people to read the book first XD Alright, here's my shot. Thirteen-year-old Benjamin Falley has lived a pretty sheltered life in the country for as long as he remembers. With his life mostly in isolation punctured by very short visits from his Aunt Namel, he has never known other people besides his caretaker, Sir Jampson of Leigh. So, when his aunt comes knocking on the door, demanding that it's time for Benjamin to be introduced into magician society, no one is more taken aback than he is. Suddenly, Benjamin is plunged into a world ruled by magic and where magicians, wizards, and sorcerers will do whatever it takes to keep it to themselves. When the only people he ever dreamed about being his family unleash a plot to kill him, he finds solace and help in the one person meant to be his mortal enemy, who leads him into a deep underground society. Quickly, Benjamin must master what others have spent their whole lives training for and figure out where his true loyalties lie. Excerpt: Haley shook her head, her wavy hair falling around her shoulders. “That tradition hasn’t been used in centuries. It’s extraordinarily archaic. That was back when a there was a lot more magical folk around the world. The courts of each branch of magic would hold those trials to send their best and brightest to the school. Now, though, there aren’t that many. Wars and assassinations and interbreeding are starting to thin us out. At this point, each family takes what they can get and sends them to Trinity.” “Then why are they putting me through this, then? I’m not threat to anyone!” Benjamin asked. Haley shrugged for a moment, playing with her fingers. She shifted from one foot to the other and avoided looking at him. “Because they want you dead. In their eyes, you are a threat. Takeshi-san knows why but he wouldn’t tell me. But think about it. Those that used to go to the trials trained all their lives for them. How much training have you had?” Benjamin heart beat quickly and he bit his lip. More than ever he wished that Jampson had continued with his lessons instead of stopping them the moment his aunt got whiff of it. The girl’s words definitely struck a cord with him. On this point, she made sense. He didn’t know any magic at all.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

JDrovdahl — Mon, 07 Nov 2011 06:05:23 +0000

@AnaraSimons: I really liked the second half of your synopsis, the first part was a little strange with how you go through the whole paragraph and then throw in his aunt demanding he go to magician school. I was just a little thrown off, but the second portion really pulled it together. I would just think about changing it up a bit to include a bit more about the magic so we understand that world even has magicians first, or that his family has some sort of secret. And I like the dialogue in the excerpt a lot, you did a good job showing how stressed out Benjamin was. It interested me that they would want this kid dead if he doesn't even know any magic. Then again I love conspiracy type stories. Here is mine: Synopsis: There is no running water left in the world. The only source of the liquid of life is housed in the Ice Floes. Thousands of massive rotating rings of ice that float in the sky. No one knows how they exist or why, some think it has to do with the Precursors, the ancients that once existed in the lands. Now, the only way to get the much needed water is by airship. Taxed heavily by the Conduit, the ruling government in the city-state known as Summit, the ice is delivered only to those who can pay. Collecting the ice is a dangerous profession; but that is what Dash Starheart and his father do; they are Ice Farmers. But when a trip into the Floes show Dash and his dad a secret that was never meant to be discovered, his father is captured by the corrupt government and Dash manages to escape just narrowly. Now he is on the run and he and his best friend Kestryl, must figure out the secret of the Floes before the Conduit finds a way to silence them, permanently. And the less edited Excerpt: “Okay, okay,” Dash said to himself. “I can do this.” He reached up and grabbed the ripcord that would activate the Safe-Wing. He hadn't actually ever used it, just seen his father show him how they were used. Apparently they were pretty rare, so his father had been unsure about letting a child use one. But Dash was smart, and he was sure he could do it. The fire was growing and Dash knew his window of opportunity was closing. They just captured him, Dash thought to himself, that means I can figure out a way to save him. The thought gave him reassurance, his father was alive and if he was here he would have already jumped, that ship was their lives; and it was burning. Dash took a deep breath, sad a small prayer to the Precursor's, and jumped off the ice ledge. His heart caught in his throat as he began falling, instantly realizing how crazy this was. The cold air rushed passed him, rushed into his lungs and made his eyes water. Then he pulled the ripcord.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

kjayers128 — Mon, 07 Nov 2011 23:43:24 +0000

@ JDrovdahl, that sounds so interesting, I would love to read it when it's finished. You seem to have a wonderful balance of fantasy, and real world ideals, a sons love for his father, incredible. Keep up the good work, I wish you the best of luck! Here's a synopsis to mine: Kallie Jones and Stephen Careem grew up together, best friends for as long as either of them can remember. When they were seventeen, Stephen committed suicide. Kallie left there small town two days after his memorial service. A year later a mysterious letter containing secrets from their past - and possible reasons behind Stephen's suicide, sent by Stephen's father from prison(he attempted to rob a bank when they were eight) have brought her back. She's determined to discover the truth behind Stephen's death. It's currently untitled (any ideas are welcomed) and I'm still working out a LOT of plot holes, but this is what I have so far. Here's an excerpt from the very beginning (where Stephen's father is robbing the bank): When Kallie and Stephen were eight years old, Stephen’s father brought them downtown for the first time. Mr. Careem was a tall, slender man, with graying facial hair. He some how always looked as if some one had beat him repeatedly. From the dark circles beneath his eyes to his half hearted smile, there wasn’t an inch on his face that time hadn’t touched. The winter winds bit at the three of them, and Mr. Careem pulled his black leather jacket tightly around himself. “How would you kids like to get some ice cream?” he bellowed. “But dad, we can’t afford to get ice cream” Stephen said looking up at his father with concern, his blues eyes glistening with the hope and faith that he had in his father. “Well, son, today, our lives change for the better, we are finally going to get what we deserve.” Mr. Careem replied. The three pushed past people on the busy streets, holding hands to be sure as to not lose one another. The walked for what felt like ages to the two children, until they finally stopped in from of an old ratty building. The green neon sign simply read ICE CRE M, the a in cream had been missing for years. Mr. Careem pushed open the narrow, maroon wooden door and the children followed in behind him. Kallie and Stephen rested their chins on the counter, and the raggedy cashier said “It’s odd to have business at this time of the year, but I sure am glad to see some thing other than these four walls! What flavor would you two cuties like?” and when she smiled her wrinkles appeared. “Chocolate!” Kallie said excitedly. Stephen looked at her with eyes that knew way too much for an eight year old and he whispered “I will have the same.” The caisher handed the pair their cones and turned to Mr. Careem, “That’ll be $3.25 sir.” Mr. Careem dug in his pockets and pulled out a few crumpled up bills and a two quarters. “The extra quarter is for you.” he said with a smile that anyone could see said, I wish I had more to offer you. The three sat in a booth closest to the wind, and watched as people walked by, eating their ice cream in silence. When the two had finished their ice cream more or less, most of it ended up on their clothes and faces, Mr. Careem got a nervous look on his face. “Now kids, I have to run an errand, and as soon as I am done, we have to hurry. Do you understand? It’s very important that after our next stop we move very quickly.” he said. The two, unaware of what was about to happen, nodded in agreement. The three joined hands once again, Mr. Careem held Stephen’s left hand, and Kallie held Stephen’s other. They walked two blocks, and Mr. Careem kept his eyes on the pavement, careful to not make eye contact with anyone. They finally came to a stop in front of tall skyscraper. Kallie and Stephen were talking about how wonderful it was, and how pretty it was. Mr. Careem jolted his hand away from Stephen’s and stuffed it into the pocket of his jacket. “Alright, now you kids wait here, and no matter what happens, do not come inside.” he said, sweat pouring from his face. He slipped a black ski mask over his head, took a long deep breath in, pulled the mask over his face and flung open the giant metal door. Kallie and Stephen held hands outside of the skycraper, waiting, as the world around them was thrown into chaos. They heard screams coming from inside, running, and then a few seconds later sirens. Police were surrounding the building within a few minutes. “Sir, he’s holding them hostage, reports from inside say he’s already shot and killed one, sir.” a uniformed police officer said to a man in a suit. The short, stocky man in the suit, then took a mega phone, and shouted into it “Put the gun down, and come out with your hands up, and we can help you through this, it doesn’t have to end poorly, do the right thing, there are kids out here.” The next few hours was a blur to Kallie and Stephen, talking to police, being told to stay put, answering questions, watching Mr. Careem come out of the building, bleeding in one arm and hand cuffed, and answering more questions. They never once let go of each others’ hands.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

norma — Tue, 08 Nov 2011 04:57:02 +0000

@kjayers128 I love this! I thought it was a little odd that the dad robbed the bank with kids there...but I wasn't thinking about that while reading. Very original. I love your writing style and want to read more! Here is my synopsis: Willow, a young angel, goes through the depths of hell to get her beloved, Mason, back. After creating World War 3, Mason takes the fall for the damage they both created. Literally. She dives into the seven layers of Hell to rescue her other half so they could live eternity together because what good is eternity if you have to spend it alone? Excerpt: Mason looked at me with so much pain in his eyes that I couldn’t see anything else. The brightness that always radiated him seized to exist. The emotions inside me were overpowering. I could feel the heat radiating off my body, my breath speeding up. The judge. This was his fault. He was the one to blame. “He is innocent! It was me! I did it.” My breath slowed at the last words. I couldn’t control my words even though I knew I was not powerful enough to take the consequences. “No Willow, don’t lie to the judge. It’s sinful.” Mason’s words were so soft I felt like I could get lost in them. I looked back and I saw sarcasm on his lips. It was hardly noticeable but one side of his mouth was curled into a smirk. I knew what he was trying to do but I’m not that stupid to laugh when my life is turning into a living hell. The judge didn’t even acknowledge my existence. I stood up with more confidence. Mason needed me. “I am the one who did it. Mason is taking the blame for me.” I spoke so loud and clear that the judge faced me. “The court has spoken. If you do not think of this sentence as just you are more than welcome to join him.” The judge smiled at me. He smiled at the fact that my life is falling apart. Rage was boiling inside of me. I know I have to go with Mason even if it’s through Hell. What is eternity without someone you love? “I will join-” “She will remain a part of the civilization of Heaven. I will suffer on my own.” “No, I-” Mason ran to me with his wrists and wings restrained. The guards tried to hold him back but he was a determined fellow. “You are so stupid,” he bellowed. He was starting to stutter as if he didn’t know how to put words together anymore. “I will not love you anymore if you don’t let me free.” His voice was leveled and calm but still filled with anger. “I cannot be with you anymore. Do you understand?” I opened my mouth to tell him that I didn’t. “Shut your mouth Willow. If you love me you would shut your mouth.” He softly rested his forehead against mine. “Please. Please don’t make this hard Willow.” His voice was now a passionate whisper. He spat each word delicately straining to get them out before he swallowed them. I must say, that left me speechless. The guards were pulling him away from me but I held him before they could. I needed one last kiss. Just one last one so I will have him lingering on my lips for even a little bit. I reached in for him but the guards had taken him away with such force I felt his breath knocked out of him on my face. I ran after him, blind to my surroundings until a guard held my waist and I couldn’t move forward. I kicked him and screamed like a child but it was all I could do to not cry. Mason stood on the other side giving me a silent goodbye, his lips mouthing the words before he was zapped into oblivion. I tried to make myself faint but the closest thing I got was my knees giving up on me. I watched the patch of floor he was standing on hoping that he would come back.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Hallie Warren — Tue, 08 Nov 2011 07:55:30 +0000

I can't say that I am too keen on the whole fallen angel device, it's pretty popular these days, but the writing is solid and well done. It may not be my particular cup of tea, but there are plenty of people who would love it. Well done! (mine is below and it's pretty rough still. It's still in its infancy. ha!) Working Title - Mercy Avery Pollard is a girl with a talent for seeing the truth in the things and people that fill her small world. From the glittering wings spreading like clouds from her mother's back as she makes her way around the kitchen. She can see through to the heart's deepest desire. Is her talent a gift or the signs of something more insidious happening to her fragile mind? The world is thrown into turmoil as the child of her mother's oldest friend, escaping from a difficult family life, comes to stay for the summer. Avery is compelled to hide the visions of Mercy from her parents and from herself. Mercy is temperamental, swinging wildly from hypersensitivity back to almost completely callous and cold. The creatures of Avery's mind cower in Mercy's presence. That which is the other, they call her. Fear her. Can the imagined take root in reality? Can those who blend them survive the mental and spiritual torments that this question brings about?

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

kjayers128 — Wed, 09 Nov 2011 03:46:41 +0000

@Hallie Warren- I really like this idea! I feel as if Avery is losing her mind, but at the same time she isn't. Very original, can't wait to see how it turns out! So I know I just posted the other day, but I have done some MAJOR plot overhaul since then, and more or less change the entire plot, and more or less started over, and I just wanted to get some feedback on the new plot. Essentially, it's still Kallie trying to discover the reasons behind Stephen's suicide, but now the reasons (in my head) are different (hell I actually have reasons this time). So basically Kallie hunts down clues and reads Stephen's journal, and through out the entirety of the novel, she is realizing that Stephen loved her, and she loved him. (Warning, I'm about to spoil the ending, since it's a major part of my plot.) Kallie was in a severely abusive relationship, and one fateful night, an accident leads to her boyfriend killing her. Stephen is overcome with guilt, he feels as if he should have saved her. However, we don't find out that Kallie is dead as well until the very end of the novel, so I guess, it's her ghost that is doing all the investigating. Kallie has no memory of the abuse, or her own death until the end of the novel. (I've completely taken out the part about Stephen's father robbing a bank.) I know it's really dark, but I have a hint of an idea on how to end it on a slightly lighter note. Here's an excerpt from the first chapter (Stephen's funeral): The rain seemed all to fitting as the line of cars from the funeral procession pulled into the Jane Goodman memorial cemetery. Kallie Jones was the first to arrive at the tombstone of Stephen Careem, her life long best friend. She stared at the ground, tears rolling down her face. Kallie was never the first to cry, in fact she prided herself as being incredibly resilient, and tough skinned, but this was too much for even her to bare. The collection of family and friends arrived a few minutes later, and gathered around her. Not a soul uttered a soothing sentence, no one could even stand to look at her. “They don’t know what to say to me.” she thought to herself. The rain tickled her legs as it seeped down her black stockings, causing them to stick to the inside of her thighs, distracting her from her thoughts. She pulled at the stockings trying to pry them off of her skin to no avail. All of Stephen’s family, and his acquaintances from school were gathered around, talking. They talked about Stephen, his life, and his friendship with Kallie, and yet still not a single person could muster up the courage to talk to Kallie. No one asked how she was, and when she made eye contact with Stephen’s mother, it appeared as if she looked right through Kallie. Stephen’s suicide had been a shock to everyone, especially Kallie. They had been friends since birth, literally. A mistake at the hospital had put both mother’s in the same room, going through labor at the same time. Stephen was born just minutes before Kallie, but from the moment she took her first breath, they were hardly separated. Their early childhoods were filled with play dates, and mom and me days. Stephen was there when Kallie broke her arm from falling out of a tree when they were seven, and Kallie was there when Stephen had to get stitches from putting his fist through a glass door when they were fifteen. Kallie admitted to herself that Stephen seemed frustrated his last few days, but this frustrated? How could he have been so fed up that he felt the only course of action was to brutally take his own life? Kallie couldn’t understand, unlike herself, Stephen always had a seemingly magical way of dealing with his issues. No one knew more about Stephen than Kallie, and vice versa, and now he was gone. She felt an all too familiar feeling settling in, the urge to run, until finally it was too much for her to take. She flung off her tall black stilettos and pulled and pair of ratty old converse out of her over sized purse. She threw them on her feet rapidly, and all in one swift motion she picked the stilettos up of the ground, threw them in her bag, pushed the bag over her shoulders and took off running. No one seemed phased by her departure.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

JDrovdahl — Wed, 09 Nov 2011 06:22:35 +0000

I like the new changes, sounds a little more in depth. And I like the twist at the end, a little cliche I suppose but yet when its surprising, it hardly matters. Good work!

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

SwiftScribbler — Wed, 09 Nov 2011 14:13:42 +0000

Hi Meriam2e, It sounds really interesting. I particularly like the idea of having a bunch of different back stories about why people would go to an insane asylum. I'm a little confused though. You say the Zombies live among the humans--do you mean in a cooperative way (like the vampires in True Blood) or just at the same time--like walking dead? Do the zombies live in the insane asylum because the humans put them there? Or its just one of the many areas the zombies have taken over? And lastly, what kind of story is it? Is it an adventure tale where they all try to get out (like Walking Dead), or is it a mystery (some how dealing with the reasons they're all there), or something else? Regardless, sounds interesting. Happy writing!

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

SwiftScribbler — Wed, 09 Nov 2011 14:24:48 +0000

Title: Solving Sophie Logline: Socially awkward boy genius Tripp Davies is tired of being an outcast, and he knows the perfect way out--by gaining entrance to the elite, super-powerful society known as The Kingmakers. The only thing standing in his way are the entrance exams, but Tripp hasn’t met a test yet he couldn’t ace. But they don’t want a perfect, to-scale satellite, or the proof for string theory. No, they want him to talk. To a girl. Plot: Tripp is a socially awkward boy genius. Not just a little socially awkward, and not just a little genius, but a ton of both—the inspiration for his character is a savant with Asperger’s who managed to repeat the decimals of Pi out to like the 20,000th decimals place from memory. Anyway, Tripp attends a school for the extraordinary, full of other geniuses (though none as smart as him—just “regular” child prodigies), the children of fabulously wealthy, etc… But he doesn’t fit in and is bullied, and friendless. His one goal is to gain access to a secret society of super-powerful people called the Kingmakers. They are what everyone thinks the Free Masons were at their peak—the unseen hand that moves behind the scenes and controls everything. He knows about them because the school for genius’ is one of their recruiting grounds. Tripp wants to be a member because he is tired of being, despite his genius, powerless and friendless. Tripp, as a genius, is not worried he can pass any test they throw at him—someone’d have to be smarter than him in order to create a test he couldn’t pass. He passes a few “standard” type tests then his final one comes through—convince the popular and wealthy heiress Sophie Golde to sign over her dead father’s invention to the Kingmakers. Tripp is very upset and argues with The Director (his contact at the Kingmakers), but the director points out that the whole purpose of the Kingmakers isn’t only genius—it’s influence. Tripp has to befriend and convince her to sign it over or he’s out. Tripp decides to do it, and blackmails a popular guy at his school to help him win over Sophie. Hilarity ensues as they go through a bunch of ridiculous plans to win her over. It's sort of The Big Bang Theory meets Hitch, except a little darker and some surprise twists. So--would you read it? Thanks!!

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

sammyjones57 — Wed, 09 Nov 2011 15:01:40 +0000

Normally this wouldn't be my type of thing, but the plot sounds awesome! I'm all sorts of wondering what Maddi has done and how you'll create this other world, twists, etc. Good luck with it!

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

sammyjones57 — Wed, 09 Nov 2011 15:03:36 +0000

I'm trying to go through and give as much feedback as possible here. There are so many great stories going on this month! I really suck hard at summaries, but this is mine: It's a Young Adult Fantasy/Fairy Tale type of story. Gabby stopped believing in fairy tales the night her father was brutally killed before her eyes. What she saw was a creature in a red hood, but that's not what the cameras caught. Nearly 10 years later, Gabby cannot help but notice how things are starting to get strange. She's seeing things she saw as a child. Like a fairy in her locker, trolls tripping the basketball players, and then the biggest nightmare of all: the creature who killed her father. The moment Gabby thinks she's safe, a realm opens up, and suddenly her and her best friend, Jesse, are sucked in to it. Determined to get back home, Gabby takes on the help of a guy named Mason and his band of not-so-merry men. But Mason seems to have his own agenda, and when they're found by a dark prince Easton who takes Gabby captive, she's starting to realize her father failed to tell her the whole truth of who he really was. Who her mother was, and most importantly, who Gabby is destined to be.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

sammyjones57 — Wed, 09 Nov 2011 15:07:23 +0000

I love secret society type stories, and even better that you're making this a boy genius. I'm very curious of why they want this invention so badly and what all Tripp will have to do to win Sophie over to get it.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Kaydon_the_dinosaur — Thu, 10 Nov 2011 07:46:01 +0000

@Sammyjones57. I really like your synopsis, although that just might be because I am a sucker for retelling fairy tales and folktales. I'm curious as to how old exactly Gabby was and how this might affect her psychologically throughout the story as she interacts with strange and bizarre things. I would 100% read this. My synopsis: Title: The Vampire Hunters of the Sacred Heart After a night of apparent partying, four Americorps NCCC volunteers wake up to discover that they have superpowers. They discovered them just in time too, as something is rotten in the woods of Wareham, Massachusetts. According to a "World Renowned Vampire Hunter" that recently descended upon the town the recent “accidents” in the forest are the work of vampires. He then enlists the four to do more than just lead teams of troubled youths in community service but to do their own service by taking on the vampire menace. Fire breathing, luminescence, flight and biological manipulation are handy weapons against vampires and they form the Vampires Hunters of the Sacred Heart, after the Catholic retreat center where they live and hunt. Greg Mann has been patient for over 20 years. He is attached to the Sacred Hearts Retreat Center, as is his vampire "family". But everyone has limits to their virtues and being attacked by the very men he once considered mentors is the straw that breaks his back. He rallies the vampires of the Sacred heart against the Hunters. But after discovering the horror that lies in the heart of the Center both the Vampires and Hunters must eventually come together to combat it. Everything is not black and white and there are voices in the woods that cry for justice.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

liacoraginger — Thu, 10 Nov 2011 16:13:17 +0000

The book I'm working on this year is the second in a series; so here is the synopsis for the first instead. The Walls of Sezendum Flair Vartan was five years old when she met her first god. At least, the first that she could remember. She must have met them plenty of times before; in temples, on back streets, in the forum and the amphitheater, as she clung to her mother's skirts or dashed off, running into shins and stepping on sandals. This was different. Not because she had run off on her own and gotten lost in the stone warren of Sezendum’s back alleys--that happened almost daily. It wasn’t because she hadn’t met this particular god before, or even that it was a sudden day of sunlight in the middle of the rainy season. No, Flair would remember because it was the closest she’d ever been to the Wall. Don't go near the Wall, the superstition goes, and even Flair's irrepressible curiosity had balked at the looming white walls of Sezendum. But when the god of the wind shows her a taste of what's outside - the life everyone told her didn't exist - it's only the beginning of her adventure. And she always keeps the greatest truth in mind - never trust the gods.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

liacoraginger — Thu, 10 Nov 2011 16:33:12 +0000

oooohhhhh i love the way this sounds so far! i'm a huge sucker for YA urban fantasy, but this one in particular is really intriguing because of the fairy tale aspect to it - it just looks so. interesting. and family drama too! oooooo would definitely, definitely read :)

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

liacoraginger — Thu, 10 Nov 2011 16:46:19 +0000

Oooooh. I really, really love where this is going; I'm curious, though - is there an explanation for how they get their powers? Is that mystery part of the story? But really, I love gray-area motives and complicated relationships and warring groups brought together and anything paranormal :D so yes, yes, a hundred times yes I would absolutely read this. Also, strangely enough, I like that it's male-focused. I just, I get turned off by all the ~teen paranormal romance~ that is focused on the girl-meets-tall-dark-stranger trope. It seems much more logical that these kinds of men would be wanted as hunters, and I love that there's a structure to the human side of the story that isn't... well, juvenile, I guess. Real adults with real jobs. I like it.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

PingXgeertje — Thu, 10 Nov 2011 18:20:55 +0000

I would read it, at least the first two chapters to see if it's my type of story :) Sooo, my story is about Elisabeth, called Bess by everyone. She lives during the reign of Elisabeth I. Her mother has fallen ill and she needs to take care of the household while her father has a tough time handeling the pressure when a mysterious man shows up. He claims that Bess is his, or should be his, because of a vow Esther (Bess's mother) made. Before she knows it she's taken to another country, one that always seemed to lurk in the dark and in the shadows. Her mother, one of the few of those living in this magical country, possesed a shadow. A shadow consists of dreams and desires, wishes and hopes, but are also all the things we try to hide. A shadow can be quite powerful and therefore Bess can never rest, since she inherited the shadow of her mother. While she tries to find out the dark past of her mother she must watch out for the things that lurk in the dark: shadows and shades, people that want to use her and worse. And of course there is a mysterious polar bear that keeps on showing up every time she's in need. Once she saw its reflection, and it was that of a handsome man. Bess knows he can help her to return home, since that is the only thing that keeps her going. Or isn't it?

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

sammyjones57 — Thu, 10 Nov 2011 22:54:57 +0000

Thanks for the feedback! I've never written fantasy before, but I do love fairy tales so it's been a lot of fun making up my own world and rules :)

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

sammyjones57 — Thu, 10 Nov 2011 22:57:41 +0000

I'm a sucker for them too! It's why I decided to give it a shot. Hopefully I don't fail too badly at it. Gabby is about to be 18 in the story. She's lived in a group home since then so she has a really tough exterior, but has a broken side to her as well. Thanks so much for your feedback! Now onto your story..... Super powers and vampires? I. Am. Down! I'm really interested to know how they got their powers, sounds like a great way to kick off a story! Good luck on it!

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

sammyjones57 — Thu, 10 Nov 2011 23:00:20 +0000

Ooooo I am intrigued! I like the idea of "what's outside" and the spin on gods. I really like your MC's name too!

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Kaydon_the_dinosaur — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 05:13:48 +0000

The mystery of how they got their powers is part of the mystery and what links the Hunters to the Vampires. And might I just say, it's a relief that y'all are saying that it's interesting...writing it I'm just nervous that the whole vampire thing is super overdone and that there would be a similar story out there already published!

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

PingXgeertje — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 05:58:34 +0000

Sooo, my story is about Elisabeth, called Bess by everyone. She lives during the reign of Elisabeth I. Her mother has fallen ill and she needs to take care of the household while her father has a tough time handeling the pressure when a mysterious man shows up. He claims that Bess is his, or should be his, because of a vow Esther (Bess's mother) made. Before she knows it she's taken to another country, one that always seemed to lurk in the dark and in the shadows. Her mother, one of the few of those living in this magical country, possesed a shadow. A shadow consists of dreams and desires, wishes and hopes, but are also all the things we try to hide. A shadow can be quite powerful and therefore Bess can never rest, since she inherited the shadow of her mother. While she tries to find out the dark past of her mother she must watch out for the things that lurk in the dark: shadows and shades, people that want to use her and worse. And of course there is a mysterious polar bear that keeps on showing up every time she's in need. Once she saw its reflection, and it was that of a handsome man. Bess knows he can help her to return home, since that is the only thing that keeps her going. Or isn't it?

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 07:35:47 +0000

I would like to read it, but the idea is kind of sketchy. I am also wondering why Elizabeth shares an name with the queen, and I am wondering why her name is shortened to Bess. I am also wondering if Bess was used to shorten Elizabeth back then, or if that is a modern shortening. You will want to look into that, or it will sound awkward. In the long run, it will count on the story.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 07:37:35 +0000

I'm not likely to read this. A lot of what is written here is confusing. That, and this sounds more like an adventure an older person would go on, not a five year old. There are major limits to what a five year old can do. Is she supposed to be older when she starts her adventure?

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 07:40:50 +0000

I would have problems picking this up, because the summary seems rather basic, I guess is the best way to put it. I would have to read a few pages or some online reviews. That also said, this feels more like what I would expect from an adult novel, then cl or ya.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 07:42:04 +0000

Sounds interesting. You aren't as bad at summaries as you think you are.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 07:44:46 +0000

I would have problems picking this up. I've seen this plot line with a few variations before. It honestly needs something to draw the reader in. Or to crack open the first pages and be drawn in that way, or some good reviews online. That also said, you should get cracking! Nanowrimo is a third of the way to being finnished! I know that I myself am behind, and I know from past experiences how hard it is to catch up. If you start writing, you can start fleshing out your story more.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 07:47:46 +0000

I would want to read this. I am glad you came up with the reasons too. I can also see kids relating to this, even needing this. The big old question of why did this great kid everyone love suddenly just, leaved through their own death. I can see people being able to relate to both Stephen and Kallie. Good luck. P.S. I am likely to comment on your other post, if I get far enough. I'll likely comment on improvements, or things you might want to keep, or I may say nothing at all.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Ashurrii — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 07:57:01 +0000

Bess was (and technically, still is) a shortened version of Elizabeth/Elisabeth. A lot like Bob being short for Robert and the such.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Ashurrii — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 08:00:43 +0000

I like the idea, but I do agree that a little organization may help. It's a preliminary idea, I assume, so of course you're probably just grappling with what you want to happen, which is all fair. :) I like the concept of the shadows - a clever twist on the general fear of the dark and shadows. Things that remain fuzzy: why can she never rest because of this Shadow? You say she's inherited it? Does this mean it's cleaved on to her and is trying to take her down, and she's essentially trying to outrun it? You may want to clarify a little bit. But all in all, it does sound intriguing. The idea of the polar bear/man is equally intriguing. (I would note, too, that polar bears - or armored bears - were used in His Dark Materials, and you may want to be careful about stepping on toes there,but really, I can't your use being too similar.) All in all, it sounds really intriguing!

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Ashurrii — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 08:02:28 +0000

My book is basically an exploration of girls "claiming" boys - and how you handle the situation when the boy doesn't like the one who claimed. It has a lot to do with the notion that we cannot claim anyone for ourselves - we don't own anyone, we don't control them - and the pursuit of happiness and sacrifices of friendship. "If true friendship is dependent upon the happiness of your friend, why are we so eager to stand in each others' way? Can one really claim another as hers - even if the claimed one is not interested in her, but her best friend? Is it wrong to persist your own happiness, even if it goes against the happiness of your best friend? When Roi and best friend Poppy meet Mr. Quick, Poppy is instantly infatuated and calls dibs. Roi has never had a problem with the first-find rule. Not until Mr. Quick. Oliver Quick is worldly and charming and fascinating. His witty banter keeps her on her feet and doesn't hide his interest in her. He's handsome and intriguing and Roi can't help but fall for him. Out of respect for her best friend, Roi tries to ignore her own desires - even when Mr. Quick peruses her. At what point are you no longer respecting, but simply not living? When is it safe to break the rules and do what you want? And how do you choose between living and loving or taking the back burner for your best friend?" (This is, admittedly, a rudimentary synopsis. I'm working on a better one, I promise ;~; )

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 08:04:44 +0000

While I see a bunch of young females and older women picking this up and drooling over it, if I read this excerpt, I would find myself putting the book down. The honest truth is, your main character comes across as another Bella Swan. There is way too much "pity me" here and I want to slap her across the face. I don't MIND weak characters, but if she HELPED start WWIII, then why is she THIS weak. Second draft, work on characterization, even think about writing in third person. Writing in first person is actually a mistake some writers make when they are starting out, because it allows them to feel what the character is doing, but it also makes them have problems seperating themselves from the characters.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 08:06:02 +0000

I'm likely to pick this up, despite the fact I've seen simular plost simply because Mercy sounds liek an interesting character.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 08:07:39 +0000

So, you didn't trash this in favor of your new stuff did you? Since Nanowrimo is a draft, you can include the stuff you cut in the actual novel count. Plus, you might want to come back to your older stuff to refine everything for publication, so never throw anything away.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 08:09:51 +0000

I am not to sure if I would read this. I would honestly need more, because for some reason, I am a little worried that you may be a bit to much influenced by Jak and Daxter... I am not sure why.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 08:11:16 +0000

I would pick it up, but I would also worry about how similar the book is to Harry Potter and Charlie Bones.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Ashurrii — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 08:12:37 +0000

I would definitely pick this up and try it! I love the concept of urban fairytales, but I hate how so many of them are these "gritty faerie" stories I have no interest in. But a play off of a fairy tales with a dark twist? I'm kind of a sucker for that! It would be really interesting to see how you play with that and how you use the fairytales to your advantage. I'm really curious about the creature that killed her father and how the entire plot would pan out. :D

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 08:12:59 +0000

While the summary drew me in, the actual writing was a turn off. I think you'll need a second draft after you are done. I say this, because what you write seems to be dialog heavy.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 08:16:55 +0000

Summary and excerpt draws me in, but the names are a turn off. Are those real Spanish names? Are they very common? Personally, if they aren't very common, I would suggest picking a name that the girls from the Spanish background who are likely to read this are likely to relate to. You don't have to do this though, until you get closer to publishing.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 08:18:17 +0000

This isn't my cup of tea, but I think it might appeal to some of the young male readers, the subject matter that is. However, if the intended audience is females... you'll likely have a hard sell on your hands.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 08:20:59 +0000

Actually, your novel could be cheesy, or it could be very thought provoking. Don't belittle yourself on this. Well, I would want to pick this up. Why she had to leave interests me, but I don't understand why she wouldn't be able to say anything. There is a difference between not wanting to say anything, and being forbidden to say anything... the second, just seems unlikely... it would depend on the situation.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 08:22:05 +0000

Sounds good. I would pick this book up just from the summary you gave.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 08:23:20 +0000

I may or may not pick this up. I feel kind of over whelmed with world details, and not given enough plot of character details here.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 08:25:42 +0000

I might read this, but I am not sure if this is really young adult material. I mean, I am personally wary about giving this book to any young adult I know, unless they are much older. So, it feels more like an adult novel, or something between that and young adult.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 08:27:35 +0000

I am not sure if I would pick it up. Sure, the story line seems original... but... there seem to be some believability problems in that summary of yours. I mean, why would scientest start rushing?

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 08:29:22 +0000

The plot sounds good, though I am wondering how a high school student would be allowed to legally take care of her sister. Is she older? Then how are young adults going to relate to her. I say this as someone who likes the storyline, but thinks a little work needs to be done.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Lempicka — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 11:38:14 +0000

I have to say, I'd be really torn about reading this. On the one hand a story about two girls drooling over the perfect guy just makes me want to groan and headdesk a few times (I can't even begin to relate to it, though I'm sure many can). On the other hand your excerpt is so fantastically well written and interesting that I'd be really tempted to give it a go. The characters come off very realistic and life-like, and it actually looks like it'd be a fun enjoyable read. As long as the story didn't end up making Mr. Quick out to be as perfect and super awesome as he seems to be described as, then I think I would read it after all.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

PingXgeertje — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 14:38:42 +0000

I don't think anyone would call the Queen Bess. Bess, however, was a common nickname for people called Elisabeth in that time, so no worries, I considered that :)

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

PingXgeertje — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 14:41:56 +0000

There are indeed some loose ends to think about :). Right now the idea is that she can't rest since people want to use her, but there are also people who want to hunt her down and claim her shadow. Getting one is quite complicated and it won't settle down and accept just anyone. So yes, it is quite cleaved on her :). I did know armored bears were used in His Dark Materials, but I've only seen the film, so there won't be much influence from that.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Heathertruett — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 21:51:30 +0000

I would definitely read this. I like the earth as a prison idea.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Heathertruett — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 21:52:11 +0000

I love this so much, I am really hoping you finish and publish. Write on!

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Heathertruett — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 22:04:57 +0000

@ashurrii - I think, written well, this could be a really good story. I know what you are talking about with the claiming, and I lost friends and dates over the claiming thing more than once in high school and college even. So long as it doesn't trail off into teeny-bopper boy-craziness, I think it could be great. I am thinking of how Sarah Dessen manages to take some typical teen situations and really put you inside someone else, making it real. My turn? My main character's last name is Dair, and she earned the nickname "Truth or Dair" back in 4th grade. The title is "Truth or Dair: The Absolutely True Story of an Accidental Liar" Here is and aryl excerpt where she is explaining herself: So, there you have it, my very first lie. It's a charming little family story to most people. My mom tells it like it is sweet and funny, but the lies that came later? Not so funny. Annoying, at first. Baffling, in elementary school. Now, here I am, an eighth grader who has to tread carefully or bear the wrath of Mom. Calm and laid back 99% of the time, Mom is a ticking time bomb where I am concerned - where my lies are concerned. I have mostly gotten the hang of telling the truth now, but it can be hard to know what is true and what is false when my head is full of so many memories. Some of them are real and some are not. Knowing which memory fits which category is easier said than done. And the scene where she explains her nickname: “I’m sorry, Jill Anne,” I whispered. “I shouldn’t have said what I said.” With fists clenched by her sides, she glared at me. “Natalie Dair, you are a liar. You always have been a liar. Whatever the opposite of truth is, that’s what you are.” “Dare!” Someone shouted. “What?” Jill Anne looked around, distracted momentarily. “You know, dare. Isn’t that the opposite of truth, like in ‘truth or dare?’” It was some nameless fourth grader speaking. He was gone from our town by the next year, and I can’t even tell you who he was or why he cared about our fight. Dare is not the opposite of truth, and Jill Anne was smart enough to know that, but she was also smart enough to smell a good taunt when she heard one. “Or Dair, Natalie, like your last name. Truth or Dair. “ I didn’t say anything. I didn’t have anything to say. I knew better than to think a Webster’s worthy definition of the word dare would help my case any, so I just stood still and prayed for all of it to go away. It didn’t. And, almost four years later, my classmates still call me Truth or Dair.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Ashurrii — Sat, 12 Nov 2011 07:04:33 +0000

Sarah Dessen is definitely an inspiration. I think I definitely draw a lot from Stephanie Perkins and Maureen Johnson, as well! But definitely, that's the aim of it. While, certainly, the boy-girl I like you romance plays a factor, it's far from the sole theme and is heavily backed up (and sometimes overcast) by the notion of friendship and the philosophy behind doing what's right for YOU as a person. :D So yes, similar page there, I think? As for yours? I would totally pick the book up for the title alone. A catchy cover would also definitely have me at least pick it up and peruse it. I can't say a lot for the book otherwise though. I'm very, very intrigued by the idea that her lies are, essentially truths I guess, given that so many of her memories aren't real. REALLY curious behind that! And I'd like to see how it pans out. Something I don't see a lot with "liars" and the likes is that usually they get away with it until they get caught up in their own web, whereas you differ definitely in having your character called out on it as a fourth grader. I especially like and am intrigued by this part: "I have mostly gotten the hang of telling the truth now, but it can be hard to know what is true and what is false when my head is full of so many memories. Some of them are real and some are not. Knowing which memory fits which category is easier said than done."

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Ashurrii — Sat, 12 Nov 2011 07:07:22 +0000

Armored bears aside, you should certainly be safe in your differing of the bears anyway. But I like that. Definitely work on your loose ends, I think you have something that could really turn into something good. :D Fantasy of any kind, though, I find so much harder. When you're not bound by the limitations of reality, you have so many possibilities to explore! I think once you figure out what you're doing with your shadows (I like the addition of people wanting to claim the shadow; gives it an additional power and importance) and even more so the idea that it cleaved to her. You definitely have something you can work greatness with, I think :D

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Ashurrii — Sat, 12 Nov 2011 07:11:10 +0000

Haha, I think I'll go ahead and take this as a compliment. ;] No, but I do get what you mean. Girl vs. girl over boy is a common theme all throughout YA, thus the execution and the panning out of the story is what really makes it. I think, essentially, as I write I find it's much more about doing what YOU want and living YOUR life and the constrictions imposed by friends and the pursuit of happiness vs. treading over someone else's happiness than it is about two girls fighting for a boy. (In fact, to be fair, I think I play up the notion of fighting over a boy a bit.) I'm really pleased that from the excerpt alone you can give me such a praise, though! Like all people, Oliver Quick is far from perfect. But sometimes, that's what's so endearing, isn't it? Thank you!

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

LuLiLa — Sat, 12 Nov 2011 13:05:15 +0000

Oh, that is because there will be very bad consequences if they do not reach their deadline... Sorry if I left it vague, I did not want to include the reason because I thought it would give away far too much of the plot.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

livreestvivre — Sat, 12 Nov 2011 14:28:05 +0000

these all sounds really good! i love the very first one that started this thread but maybe it's to late to say that... and also i love the "truth or dair" one. My story is about a girl named Callie, who's a senior in high school. Callie went out with a boy named Mark for about a year or two until the end of the summer before her senior year when she broke up with him (she was afraid of it going on too long and of him breaking her heart). So what happens is one night, Callie goes to a party and drinks for the first time in her life. She gets embarrassingly drunk and accidentally hooks up with her best friend's boyfriend. Her best friend gets mad, and then the police come and Callie ends up running down the street alone. Not knowing what to do, she pulls out her phone and calls Mark, asking for him to come get her. Mark comes, and he starts driving Callie home. While they're in the car, Callie tells Mark how sorry she is. Mark reacts in a confusing way saying that no, HE should be sorry. Callie is confused by this and has no idea what he is talking about, when the car slips on a patch of ice and they go skidding down the hill where they are hit by an oncoming truck. Just before they are hit though, Mark tells Callie he loves her and asks her to forgive him. Callie survives the crash, but Mark dies from head injuries. At the wake, Mark's mom hands Callie a box full of letters addressed to Callie that was in Mark's room. At first Callie doesn't want to open them, but after an episode at the funeral (where after a slightly disturbing speech by Mark's twin brother, Ted, Callie runs out and drives away), she ends up sitting in her car on the side of the high way reading through the letters. The confusing thing about the letters though, is that they are all referencing and apologizing for something Mark apparently did, involving Callie's best friend Grace (whose boyfriend Callie accidentally hooked up with at the party). Callie has no idea what this means. The rest of the story involves Callie finding out that Mark slept with Grace to get back at her for taking Mark for granted and Callie kind of growing up and being more mature and able to have her heart broken blah blah blah. But would you read it? Because it feels kind of stupid to me, but I don't know. PLEASE HELP!

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cuddles54227 — Sat, 12 Nov 2011 17:39:44 +0000

I'd definitely read it! :D I like the concept, and I love the whole "hooks up with best friend's boyfriend" scenario. It doesn't seem stupid to me, and I can relate to the characters well.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

livreestvivre — Sat, 12 Nov 2011 17:50:16 +0000

@Cuddles54227 thank youu!

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cuddles54227 — Sat, 12 Nov 2011 18:24:32 +0000

Of course! Now, *clears throat*. My turn! :) My story is about a girl, Dalisay, just changing schools due to some bad decisions she's made at her former high-school. Once she arrives she's immediately an outcast, everyone ignores her and after a couple weeks of no human interaction there, she begins to lose hope. Until one day, Alistair White, waltzes into her life and everything slowly begins to change. This new school is only supposed to be a holding chamber for a year, until she can afford private school, but will Alistair change all of that? And what about Jacen...her present boyfriend that just doesn't seem to be interested into her anymore...

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

sammyjones57 — Sat, 12 Nov 2011 22:20:13 +0000

Thanks :)

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

sammyjones57 — Sat, 12 Nov 2011 22:24:11 +0000

Thank you! I'm trying to definitely spin them into my own. So far I've only written the creature which is a spin from Little Red Riding Hood, but I have Frog Prince, Rapunzel, and Rumpelstiltskin planned out. I know there will be more in my editing phase.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Heathertruett — Sun, 13 Nov 2011 00:54:44 +0000

Thanks so much for your thoughts. I had a loose idea of her lies when I started, but as I go they are beginning to have a purpose and add a dimension to the story I had not thought of. I run my plot points, often, by two seventh grade boys that I talk books with a lot. They keep me from thinking too much of myself. ;)

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Heathertruett — Sun, 13 Nov 2011 00:57:01 +0000

You can get really deep when dealing with grief, so yes I would pick it up. Also, when someone dies, people tend to turn them into saints, so it is interesting to hear about the bad things a dead person did. My only issue is with the names. Mark and Callie have been a hook-up on Grey's Anatomy pretty often and now have a baby together. May not both anyone else though. I tend to be sensitive to names.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

nobody_knows — Sun, 13 Nov 2011 01:01:47 +0000

@Cuddles - I think you've got the start of something interesting going here. From the synopsis you've given me, nothing immediately jumps out and says READ ME, but it definitely holds something to it. I want to get to know what these bad descisions were, why her new school makes her an outcast so quickly - who exactly is Alistair and why does he shift her life so much? It seems intriguing, but your excerpt on what the book is about is just a little bland. I notice your word count is 0, so I hope you are not giving up!!!! :D Okay, so me! Well, I've actually been really silly and just started a new novel for NaNo. Yeah, I know, almost halfway through and you are starting again? But I wasn't getting anywhere with the other one. And I've just spent the last 8 hours at work writing 5000 odd words, which is FAN-FLIPPING-TASTIC if you ask me!!! So here's my newbie: Love and War Devon Thomas finds herself once again as the new girl. It's her last year of senior year, and once more her father has had to move states for his job. All Devon wants to do is either fit in or keep her head down, but she's had tons of experience knowing what it's like being the new girl. This time, however, it's all about to change. Ridgevale High is the stereotypical, small country town high school with it's cliques and posses - nothing Devon's not seen before. Yet when the girls who rule the school start to include Devon in their circle, Devon's attitude to school life starts to change. Then the war begins. Devon's new friends are sick of the way that Sam Mitchell, aka School Hottie and Absolute Hunk treats girls like they are a fashionable toy - one day 'in', the next day 'out'. With the help of Devon - who has already come to the conclusion that she would be happy to hate Sam for the rest of his life, the girls embark on a mission to try and bring down his ego once and for all. Yet what Devon doesn’t realize is that she’s just become piggy in the middle in the ultimate boy vs. girl showdown… Because who said all's fair in love and war?

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Ashurrii — Sun, 13 Nov 2011 01:19:07 +0000

I absolutely LOVE that you're running the plot points by a boy. Because, you know, people all think blah blah YA is all about girls and guys won't read books with female protags, but you're hitting up that market and using their insight - which is different than a girl's - and I really like that! I love when writing you find something minor or inconsequential grows to add a whole new layer to the book you hadn't thought of it. It's such an effortless way of developing your book further without sounding all contrived.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

livreestvivre — Sun, 13 Nov 2011 16:57:54 +0000

hahahhahaa I had no idea about the grey's anatomy thing. I just kind of picked those names out of the air because I've always liked them. i'll think about changing them because i was considering changing Mark's name anyways:)

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

antonio arvayo (bajo el pseudónimo klev rhino) — Sun, 13 Nov 2011 18:36:21 +0000

if you're not refering to my novel, sorry hahah if you're are refering to my story: they're not names, asthenia is a medical term referring to a condition in which the body lacks or has lost strength either as a whole or in any of its parts. It denotes symptoms of physical weakness and loss of strength. And i thought it was cool because asthenia give life but her name has nothing to do with it. Vinsil is a nerdy boy that nobody pays attention, so Vinsil is derived from Invisible.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Heathertruett — Sun, 13 Nov 2011 20:54:23 +0000

My thoughts exactly. My last manuscript was girly, and meant to be girly, but this one is more diverse. It is about a girl, and there is a small romantic plot line, but it is more about learning to trust yourself and seeing how every chose we make changes the future.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Heathertruett — Sun, 13 Nov 2011 20:57:09 +0000

I love how you explain it. It does remind me a bit of mean girls, but that doesn't have to be a bad thing. Remember Jon Tucker Must Die? Girls love books where the bad boy gets taken down a notch. I'd be interested in the boy's background though. Does he have a rough home life? Is he using girls the way he sees his father use women? etc...

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Kaserl — Sun, 13 Nov 2011 22:03:13 +0000

@nobody_knows It sounds good! Not what I would normally read, but there's a lot of potential in there for hilarity. I would love to see that happen in real life, come to think of it..... Okay, mine is: Jeslyn loves writing, and is actually really good at it, but no one supports her. Her parents just want what's best for her, but her English teacher has a much darker motive. She is somewhat friendless, but then a new boy, Cory, starts at her school. He encourages her to write again, and keeps her going through the insults. Her English teacher finds out, and decides to try and stop her. The only truly effective way he can find is to kill her. Cory and Jeslyn fight back, and even go so far as to run away. But then, Cory is killed while saving Jeslyn's life. Instead of lying around crying, Jeslyn wants revenge, and so does the rest of the school, once the story of how he died gets around. They all rebel against the teachers, and there are several tragic accidents (involving attacking several teachers that weren't involved, Mr. Ian Woon, and a shovel. The shovel, incidentally, kills a minor character.) during the fight. The students eventually succeed in overthrowing the teachers, and Jeslyn finally has time to grieve. Then, she gets a letter that Cory wanted his mom to send her if anything happened to him. He explains that Jeslyn's his best friend, that he'll miss her, and if he happened to die jumping in front of her or something, then she shouldn't blame herself. Basically, he says everything that he thought was too sappy to say aloud. Jeslyn feels a lot better, is able to live a normal life, and dedicates the first book she got published, the one Cory got her to write, to him. Yes, I know the ending is cheesy. I have a while to work on that though, so..... Before anyone asks, Cory and Jeslyn have never dated and will never date.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Alpina'sQuill — Sun, 13 Nov 2011 23:18:58 +0000

I WOULD READ THIS. I like it.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

aaliona — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 04:02:02 +0000

It sounds different, and I think I would read it. The only part I don't understand is the overthrowing of the teachers. I don't understand how the English teacher is evil/powerful enough to try and stop her from writing. That part doesn't really make sense to me. Here's mine: The nation of Luxira has a custom to choose wives for the king’s sons, a competition called the Courting. Women from across Luxira of all economical standing are brought to the capital on the eldest son’s twenty-first birthday. All sons over sixteen take part in a grand day-long celebration is held, which ends with the sons choosing four girls each to take part in the Courting. These girls return to the palace and be courted by the sons through activities, events, and one-on-one dates. For six months, the girls and princes have a chance to get to know each other. At the end of the six months, if they haven’t already, the princes much choose a bride. This year, rising political turmoil comes closer and closer to the girls' castle home as the Courting draws on. Once women turn twenty-one, the chances of getting married are slim. Elysia, a nineteen year-old living a high society life in the capital, is facing what could be her only chance at marriage in the Courting. She has had a few men express interest in her, but she has let them drift away. Her mother always encouraged her to wait for the Courting since Elysia and Liam, the king’s second son, have always been close. She is chosen for the Courting, but soon finds her interests conflicting as she develops an attachment to the youngest son and discovers what life is like for others of less luxurious upbringing. I'm cutting part out here, but Liam ends up with another girl, and Mathis asks Elysia to marry him. She thinks she loves him, but tells him that she isn't ready for marriage yet. The Courting must be completed, so Mathis must either marry her or someone else. In a bold move, they sleep together because the biggest rule was that girls must remain virgins. Mathis protests that it isn't fair for him to marry if he isn't held to the same standard. In the chaos that ensues, Elysia and Mathis slip away to travel around Luxira and hopefully stop the politcal turmoil that's rising.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 04:20:13 +0000

I'm not likely to read it unless I read a good review or crack the book open. The whole Princess competition, I've seen this story line a lot, particularly in Anime.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 05:04:43 +0000

Seriously, I wouldn't read this. I mean, while I love the idea of a teacher having deeper motives, like world domination, or something along those lines, I refuse to believe that stifling a students writing wouldn't lead up to any of those plans. And then when she starts getting better, he wants to kill her? Again, why? And why didn't the students go to the police? There are laws you know, and students do have rights. I also doubt that she would be able to get a full scale rebellion with the other students, because most would be saying, hey... lets go to the police or ANOTHER adult. Now, this is just a guess here. I've read your summary a couple of times and I honestly get the same feeling. It feels as if you very much enjoyed writing stories on your own, but once you got to high school, you had an English teacher flat out tell you that your writing had faults that you needed to improve upon, but you didn't like being told that your writing wasn't perfect like you thought it was and you felt that the rules of writing are stifling your creativity. IF you want to be a successful write and ARE thinking this, all writing has rules and there is a standard to what is good or not. All writers have their faults and they have places they need to improve. If you are thinking this stuff, then use this novel to work out some of the issues you have, but think twice about sharing it without some serious editing. If you aren't, stop and think about how the characters should act logically, even if it is in the second or third draft.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 05:08:07 +0000

I think you meat last semester of senior year... Anyways, I would likely read this. You use a lot of words that make it jump out.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 05:09:27 +0000

As nobody pointed out, nothing really stands out. I would have to read the first chapter or some reviews before I picked it up...

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 05:13:23 +0000

I'm not likely to read it. The plot seems... very busy and like it needs a bit of work, but... I think after you get it done, you can possibly work out the kinks and be able to write out a well written summary.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 05:15:19 +0000

The title would draw me in, but... it still needs a good summary I think.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 05:16:59 +0000

Yes. I would read this and I would want to recomend it.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 05:18:06 +0000

Good. :D

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Heathertruett — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 16:20:34 +0000

Yeah, I am terrible at summaries. I won't be able to write one until I finish the manuscript and step away from it a bit. While writing, I am too bogged down in the details to look at the overall scope of the story. I know, that is backwards from how a lot of people write, but this year I gave myself permission to write how I write instead of thinking I can't do it just because I don't do it like someone else. It has worked. This will be, when finished, my 2nd complete manuscript of the year, AND I got agent nibbles on the last one.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Suzana Mazon — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 00:00:20 +0000

Much better than the first attempt, but reminds me of The Sixth Sense. It's interesting. Keeping the reader from finding out Kallie is a ghost would take a bit of doing, but I think you can do it.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Suzana Mazon — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 00:23:26 +0000

I love this idea. Your writing is humorous, and tells a good story. I can hardly wait to see if he can pass the test!

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Suzana Mazon — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 00:34:19 +0000

Sixteen teenagers wake up on a strange planet with two suns they name Hot and Hotter. They don't know why they're on this new world, they just know that they want to survive. What is safe to drink, touch and eat? Where do you go to the bathroom? How do you bury your dead without shovels? How do you treat sunburn or broken bones? How do you build shelter, make clothes, tell time? If you do survive a day, what then? If you survive a year, what then? With no hope of returning to their old world, they need to survive and do what? A new world has new challenges, new threats and new rewards. A new world means they don't have to hang onto old thoughts and ideas, but maybe some old thoughts and ideas are important. Can they replace what they've lost? Should they replace what they've lost? Chapter 2 Yet another awakening. This time Kendra felt much better until she remembered the images of bodies and blood. She couldn’t decide whether she wanted to open her eyes or just try for oblivion again. It wasn’t much of a decision. She pulled herself up to her hands and knees and gagged at the sight of the bodies littered about on the rusty red sand. She quickly looked down instead of towards the bodies. A wave of relief washed over her. She rubbed her hand along the sand, then picked some sand and studied it closely. She let out the deep breath she didn’t even realize she had been holding. The sand was red, but not from blood. It was the actual color of the sand. Kendra licked her lips and was surprised to find that they were moist. While on all fours, she shrugged her shoulders, then wiggled her butt and finally kicked out a leg behind her. Her raspy voice whispered, “I can move!” She moved to a kneeling position and slowly reached up to touch her burned face. After touching it with a fingertip, she was amazed that it didn’t hurt. After a few more tries she was using both hands to wipe away the sand and crust. She felt a slight stickiness to her skin, and then saw two large leaves on the ground and realized that she must have been soaked with sap when she fainted. She picked up a leaf. It was huge. She turned it over and touched it but she didn’t recognize anything about it. She thought about the tree sap and decided there must be something about it that provided relief. She looked up at the tree and mentally whistled. It was very tall, like the palm trees you saw in the Hollywood movies. There were umbrella shaped leaves spiraling up most of the length of the smooth trunk. “OK, time for another shower.” She slowly stood up. She was amazed how much easier it was than the last time. She grabbed another leaf and pulled. It popped out and a torrent of liquid spurted out like a faucet turned on “high”. She moved into the torrent and opened her mouth to drink. It didn’t have much of a flavor, maybe just a little touch of sourness, like a slice of lemon in water. Feeling much better and more refreshed, she knew she would have to deal with the beach, with the bodies. They were still there, people scattered across the sand, fully clothed – tossed about like an angry roll of the dice. She looked down at her own clothes. She had on a sweater with a t-shirt underneath, long pants and socks but no shoes. She took off the sweater and dropped it. She picked up two leaves and decided to use them like umbrellas, they would shade her from the sun. Focusing on the closest body, she slowly walked towards him. She studied the path she had left in the sand earlier. She saw where she had pushed her feet into the sand, and where she had pushed her body forward towards the trees. She guessed it was only a couple hundred feet, but it had felt like miles. When she reached the body, she saw that he was a teen, close to her own age. He was on his back and didn’t have on long sleeves. Even though his skin was naturally dark, she could see how badly sunburned he was. She stood there for a minute, afraid to reach out and touch him. As she watched, she saw a faint rise and fall of his chest. He was breathing. She let out a huge sigh of relief. He wasn’t dead. He was sleeping or unconscious, but he wasn’t dead…yet. Using her foot to create a depression in the sand next to his head, she set one of the leaves down so that it lined it, like a bowl. She laid the other leaf over his face to shade it. She walked back to what she now called the Umbrella Trees. Picking up her sweater, she pulled out another leaf and let her sweater soak up the sap. She tied the wet sweater around her shoulders and then grabbed the fallen leaf and tried to hold it like an oversized bowl. Pulling another leaf, she captured most of the sap. It was hard to carry, but some of the sap successfully made the trip back to the boy. She poured it into the waiting bowl. She used her sap drenched sweater to wipe down the boy’s skin. She concentrated on clearing the sand from his face and hands. Once she had wiped him down, she cupped sap into her hands. She slowly dribbled it into his parched mouth. His mouth was so swollen, a lot of the sap just slid down his face into the sand. She turned his head from side to side, hoping the sap would work its way around his swollen tongue and into his mouth. Finally, she could see his tongue trying to move, to lick the moisture. She dribbled in more sap and saw that his tongue moved thirstily. She stuck the stems of the umbrella leaves into the sand, trying to provide a tent of shade around his upper body. “Hello.” She was surprised by how croaky her voice sounded, like a rusted frog. She tried again. “Hello.” Her voice was still rough. “Hello. Hello. Hello.” She was relieved that it sounded better. “I’m Kendra. We’re stuck on a beach, and I really hope you can wake up soon.” She heard a mumbling and knew he heard her. “Come on! You can do it. You’ve gotta wake up. I’m gonna freak soon if I’m the only one awake. Here, drink some more.” She dribbled in more sap, and he swallowed it all. He started to move. His hands touched the sand, and then reached up to touch his face. He brought his hand up to shade his eyes as he tried to open them. He stretched and pulled at his facial muscles and was finally able to open his eyes into narrow slits. “Thirsty.” His voice sounded more like a frog than Kendras. “There’s some water next to you. I don’t have a cup, so you’ll have to manage.” The boy turned his head and looked at the water at ground level. He rolled onto his side and stuck his head into the sap, much like a dog at a water dish. He drank the sap and Kendra could see him working himself into awareness. When he finished drinking he used the remaining sap to rinse his hands and face and arms. When he was done, he rolled over onto his back and rested on his elbows. He was startled when he saw the bodies on the blood red beach. “I think they’re probably unconscious, just like you and I were. We need to get to them, but I wanted to make sure you were okay. What’s your name?” “Derrick. Where are we?” His voice was already less frog-like than before. Kendra silently marveled at the effect of the sap. “No clue. Last thing I remember I was in a Minnesota winter, and now I’m here on some kind of tropical beach. Maybe this is Australia, isn’t the Outback kind of red?” Kendra reached around him to pick up the leaves. Derrick had his hand shading his eyes, and was looking around. “Oh, crap! Not Australia. Definitely not Australia.” “Do you know where we are then?” “No. But it’s not Australia...” “What do you mean, where are we?” “You haven’t looked up, have you?” Derrick pointed up with a single finger. “What? Up? What do you....” Kendra looked up and realized that Derrick was right. There was no way they were on a beach on Earth. In the red-tinged sky there were two suns. Two very bright and very hot suns. “Oh, crap!” She fell back onto the sand. “No, I never bothered to look up. Kind of explains why it is hotter than hot here.”

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Suzana Mazon — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 09:03:11 +0000

@heathertruitt I want to read this book. Truth or Dair, liar, learning to tell the truth in 8th grade. Sounds like a winner.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Heathertruett — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 16:29:19 +0000

Thank you. You made me grin today.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Heathertruett — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 16:30:12 +0000

"Hot" and "Hotter" Classic. That, by itself, made me smirk and want to read on.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Rashida — Wed, 16 Nov 2011 00:02:34 +0000

Thanks, Quill! and thanks for adding me to your list. It's been reaaaally difficult this month to keep this story going. It needs a bunch of editing when it's done, that's for sure. :) Hope yours is going well!

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

liacoraginger — Wed, 16 Nov 2011 16:35:09 +0000

Oh. No, not at all. She's 15, and 16 is the coming of age year in their society so really she's almost an adult. (Damn, knew I'd forgotten something.)

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

PingXgeertje — Thu, 17 Nov 2011 07:23:53 +0000

Somehow I only noticed this reply today, very sorry about that :). Right now I figured out this: Bess is the illegitimate daugther of the prince. Her grandparents, the king and queen, wanted her to come to this magical land (I have a name, but it sounds terrible in English while it's quite good in Dutch, so I won't give it here). They wanted this because their other grandchild, the legitimate princess Hester, is weak. She has seen nothing of the outside world because of poor health, and the king and queen fear that there are people out there that want to hurt her. Bess therefore is trained to be a body guard, which is pretty lonely and harsh. Every night she dreams of conversations with Death, after which the darkness tries to close her in to claim her shadow. Yet Bess doesn't really get what a shadow is, only that she can't be seperated now she has one (her mother fell ill because she ripped away her shadow). Then some nasty events happen and Bess is forced to fight for her life. I won't telll more, otherwise I'll spoil everything

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

JButt021504 — Thu, 17 Nov 2011 14:50:41 +0000

I am getting stuck in this thread reading everyone's summaries instead of padding my word count. I blame you guys. All of you. I love reading all the fantasy/dystopian/alternate reality novels out there, but unfortunately, my brain doesn't work that way. I blame Judy Blume. (No, I don't. No one blames Judy Blume.) Here's mine. Title: The Physics of Aerials and Ollies, Or Why Opposites Attract Summary: Ross Edwards was minding her own business when Colby Bennington happened. Colby Bennington? You know, that professional skateboarder busted on TMZ with a Ziploc full of cocaine in his possession? Yeah. Him. Anyway, back to Ross. It is her story, after all. Mostly. There she was, minding her own business in the tiny town of Narragansett, Rhode Island, when Colby Bennington showed up. And showed interest. In her, that is. Yeah. Her. So now what? Take away the fact that she thinks he's an arrogant, self-entitled, mean-spirited, stupid-faced jack hole... Throw in a broken ankle and a knight-in-shining Skechers... Add a jealous, self-destructive best friend... Toss lightly with hidden agendas and unintentional romance... Let marinate in sarcasm... And you're left with your classic boy-meets-girl love story. Minus the love. Maybe.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

wampuscat — Thu, 17 Nov 2011 21:03:36 +0000

I like the title, so I would pick up the book to look at it. I like a lot of the language you've used here, but the summary overall felt gimmicky to me. The akward POV and the recipe thing threw me off. The title was enough to make me go read your excerpt, though, and I really liked that. I'd read more.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Ashurrii — Thu, 17 Nov 2011 21:03:46 +0000

I absolutely love your synopsis. The writing is smart and quippy, and that more than the premise instantly drew me in. There's a witty, flippant style that I absolutely adore. Also, as my book also features a jealous best friend, that element is also intriguing. Friendship elements always win me over. I can totally picture this book with an edgy, catchy cover and I'm sure this is the kind of book I would impulsively buy without bothering to first read. Depending on how it played out, it sounds full of promise.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

cgoodwin — Thu, 17 Nov 2011 22:58:14 +0000

I would definitely give this a read. It's such an interesting concept, and there are so many directions you could go! That really pulled me in, and I'd be compelled to read on in order to find out what the hell is going on. :)

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Kaserl — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 02:04:17 +0000

Thanks for the feedback! Yes, there is a motivation for the English teacher, I'm working on getting it more believeable. Also, thanks for pointing out that other students would go to the police or another adult. That would basically be big giant plot hole that I somehow missed.... *facepalm* Actually, my English teacher hasn't said any of that (well, yet. He hasn't seen any of my creative writing so far), so unless I have psychological issues that I don't know about yet (with my observation skills, entirely possible), that's not it. My plotting is my worst area.... So..... Characters (specifically protagonists) are my strong point, if I had to pick one. No worries, only my fellow Nanowrimoer (is that even right?) best friend that has co-written a story with me before is seeing this before I've edited it at least once. And she's pretty familiar with how I write and everything, and with the fact that it will be far from perfect, so I think I'm okay there. Basically, she won't point out stuff I already know. But, seriously, thanks for saying why you wouldn't read it, it helps a lot. If you had said "I wouldn't read that because it sucks!" or something, then I would be really defensive right now, but you didn't, so it's all good. That probably made no sense at all.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

cgoodwin — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 02:09:08 +0000

Okay, here is mine. I just copied it from my page, with a few embellishments. :D 'Cat, the Lion' is a dystopian novel for young adults. It is set in the future in a country called Hartland, which is split into Australis and Borealis. For years, Borealis has been controlled and forced to provide for Australis. Catherine lives in the East, one of the four large suburbs of Borealis, with her older brother Lucas. Like most, she feels manipulated by the Government. Along comes Alexander, a man who sparks a revolution and succeeds in overthrowing the nameless, faceless state. Catherine jumps on board, as do her friends, in an effort to turn Hartland into a country of equality. But when Alexander's reforms take a totalitarian turn, Catherine wonders if the change that occurred was really what Hartland needed.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

JButt021504 — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 03:07:38 +0000

Thanks for the feedback, friends! This is my first go at light-hearted junk, and I am having SO MUCH FUN. NANO.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Ashurrii — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 05:12:53 +0000

I read your synopsis and I am IN LOVE. I would love to see this written and read it! Good luck with writing! Seriously. You have something good here.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Kaserl — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 05:49:44 +0000

This seems interesting enough to make me pick it up and look at the back cover, at least. And then, I'd probably read the first few pages to see if I liked it. This type of book is right on the edge for me, it seems interesting, but I don't really like romance much. As long as your writing seemed good to me, and I thought there was some non-romance subplots in it, then I would read it, if only for more of the hilarious sarcasm.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

JButt021504 — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 13:08:46 +0000

"If only for the hilarious sarcasm" is how I live the majority of my life.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

melwrites312 — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 15:55:42 +0000

I love Sarah Dessen too, I got to meet her over the summer! It was pretty cool meeting one of my favorite authors, I'm in my late 20's now, but I started reading her books in high school and I still love them.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Skydream500 — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 17:34:45 +0000

It was a little confusing, I might introduce Catherine first instead of putting her in the middle like you should just know who she is. I think it might be a good book, but I don't know if I would come out and say that it 'is a dystopian novel'. It just feels a little stiff, I think with a little work it could be really good though!

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Skydream500 — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 17:35:39 +0000

I had to revise mine a bit since I ended up wanting to change perspectives back and forth between Roderick and Cordelia. Obviously I had to add some more information on him since it is no longer just her novel! Thanks for any and all help :] A young British girl, Cordelia, has lived her whole life in a bubble, protected from the painful truths of the real world. Each day is mundane, the same, and follows a strict routine controlled by the manager of the household, Ms. Mildred Jones. Cordelia longs for the day she will be able to follow in the footsteps of her older sister Olivia, by finally escaping this household and actually making something of herself. After a particularly rough day, she attends a gala her parents hold annually where she meets a young boy named Roderick. As the son of a radical political candidate, Roderick was raised differently; unlike Cordelia he was not hidden from the world and upholds a fairly normal lifestyle. In a world like theirs, where children are expected to act like adults, they find each other kindred souls with the same curiousity that pushes them to reach beyond their normal boundaries. But as they grow closer and dig deeper, they make disturbing discoveries about the reality of the rich, that has them questioning their entire world.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

cgoodwin — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 23:58:50 +0000

I'm not very good at writing summaries, haha. I could write a synopsis, but that would give the plot away! Plus there are so many little plot points here and there that would need to be mentioned to make sense later, but would seem excessive to talk about. Tips on writing a good summary, anyone? D:

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Sat, 19 Nov 2011 21:19:12 +0000

Are you writing in first person point of view for each one? Personally, I suggest writing stuff in third person because it allows more freedom and first person isn't as easy as third person. However, if you are going to write in first person, pattern the way you switch between the two. Anyways, hope this help... I think I've already told you I would likely pick this one up to read.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Sat, 19 Nov 2011 21:22:57 +0000

The good summaries have something to pull the reader in. They either have exciting plot elements mentioned, or interesting characters. All you've done really is describe the world, and truth be told, I've seen this kind of world tons of times.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Sat, 19 Nov 2011 21:24:37 +0000

I'm not likely to pick this up unless I read the inside and it catches my attention. There are just so many plots like this out there... P.S. If you are worried about writing a good summary, if you manage to get published, your editor will be able to help you with a good summary because they will have actually read the book.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Sat, 19 Nov 2011 21:28:46 +0000

While I like the title, I also think that it has to many words in it, which may be a turn off for some people. I was interested in the fact that the guy is a skateboarder. However, I'm a bit turned off by the fact it seems to have the whole bad guy cliche going here. If he is really a jerk, you'll just end up with a messy relationship like we've been seeing in Young Adult novels lately, the kind of relationship I don't think we should be feeding the younger age range of this group. That said, if he turns out not to be the jerk and you are able to reverse sterotype the characters, it could be a good book.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Sat, 19 Nov 2011 22:39:53 +0000

Goodness knows that the summary pulled me in and made me interested in reading this one. :D

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Sat, 19 Nov 2011 22:48:10 +0000

Actually, you got your strong and weak points down really good. That is one of the things a writer should know about themselves, that... and all writers are working on becoming better and improving themselves. Plus, NaNoWriMo isn't about getting a piece that is ready for publication, it is about getting a piece that is 50,000 words rough draft. [quote=Kaserl] If you had said "I wouldn't read that because it sucks!" or something, then I would be really defensive right now, but you didn't, so it's all good. That probably made no sense at all. [/quote] I actually get what you are saying here. I've seen this kind of critique given before to people, and truth be told, it only frustrates the writer. Some of the time, the writer knows that their writing is bad and desperately wants someone to tell them how to improve. Other times, the writer thinks, well... they can't elaborate, so they are just jealous of what I am writing. Well rounded critique helps people improve. Good luck in your writing, and your growth as a writer. I love your attitude.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Cathrine_M_Nunn — Sat, 19 Nov 2011 22:54:12 +0000

Actually, I don't think it is backwards at all. I think you should check out one of more of "The History of Middle Earth" series, which is basically a lot of Tolkien's rough drafts for writing. He would write the draft, pause when something bothered him, and then go back and rewrite it the way he felt like writing it. My rough drafts are actually stylized after his way of writing, where I have written different versions of stuff, until I get what I want, and it all counts to my word count. A draft is just that, not a finished piece set in concrete, but a work in progress that can be changed to be better where one chooses.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

cgoodwin — Sat, 19 Nov 2011 23:40:34 +0000

Okay. Hmm. I'll try again. Catherine is a seventeen year old girl from Borealis, the Northern city of Hartland, which Australis depends on for sustenance. She, along with her group of friends, begin doing all they can to support Alexander, the self proclaimed freer of the Northern people. After he takes over, there's a moment - only a moment - when things begin to look up. Then the purges begin. Calculating and without remorse, Alexander sends nuclear rain to answer the protest in the suburbs, killing those that defy him. In a fit of desperation, Catherine's brother Lucas builds a shelter. But when their time for purging comes, someone is missing from the shelter. The events that follow are filled with tragedy, revenge, and yes, even romance, as Catherine struggles to deal with the fallout and help to overthrow the man who promised them safety. Better?

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Ashurrii — Sun, 20 Nov 2011 05:25:34 +0000

While I am not personally a fan of novels written in switching poiunts of view, I do really like the idea of the book and how the two come to form their kinship. I really, really am intrigued by the idea of the disturbing discoveries, and knowing how very much Cordelia will be changed. Personally, knowing so little about Roderick's personality and life, I would much rather read from Cordelia's view and watch her discover this world from which she's been so heavily protected. It'd be so much more fascinating, given that Roderick already knows things she doesn't - and it keeps the reader in the dark as well! I also agree with the comment above: third person seems a bit more befitting of the story telling. Almost in a fairy tale manner.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

aaalllyyysssaaaaa — Mon, 21 Nov 2011 17:41:28 +0000

@Cathrine_M_Nunn Cool idea. Having read the synopsis, I would definitely pick it up. Having read the excerpt... there's a few things that might stop me from reading. The content of your dialogue good but the way you word it seems a bit unrealistic to me. You can easily fix that though. I would just try to imagine the conversations really vividly in your mind, and maybe say the lines out loud, or someone to say it for you, and listen for things that stick out or sound like someone wouldn't actually say that and change them. For example: The permission slips were submitted in envelopes. I guess if you were an english teacher or a librarian you might say that, but usually you would just say something like "The permission slips were in envelopes." Also, it was a bit confusing because I couldn't tell who was talking - the black-haired female, the one female, the other female, her friend, the one girl... I would use their names more often. That will make it much clearer. I wouldn't read it if these things were there bugging me all the time, but I absolutely WOULD read it otherwise. I think it sounds like an awesome story.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Skydream500 — Mon, 21 Nov 2011 17:51:43 +0000

I am writing in third person for both, just kind of switching from which side you can hear the thoughts from :]

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Skydream500 — Mon, 21 Nov 2011 17:53:52 +0000

I'm glad you like it! I've never done switching points of view and I'm not even positive if I like it like this. Whether or not I change it back is to be seen but for now it stays as such. It's kind of interesting to show Cordelia from a different point of view though, and writing from a different voice is kind of an interesting pace as well. It is written in third person though :]

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

loserlikeme — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 01:24:57 +0000

Okay, it's the second to last day and I've accepted I won't be finishing. I've hit writer's block on my book, and I always work on something else when I get writer's block. Here's my OTHER book idea: It's about a girl who got an Associate's degree and is 20, for English/Creative Writing and she wants to go into the magazine industry, so she gets an internship at J-14/Tiger Beat-type magazine. Her boss is horrible, but her first assignment in hopes of getting an actual job at the magazine is to get a BIG story. When she bumps into Unnamed-Boy (star of a huge series of movies based on an action/adventure book series) and they start talking, and she pretends not to know him. He gives her his phone number, and she is convinced she's found the CAREER-MAKING story: My Boyfriend/Date is/with a Celebrity. Then she finds she's falling for him.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

desertxsnow — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 13:22:56 +0000

On genre alone, I wouldn't read it. I'm not one for romance novels. I require action! However, in the spirit of giving critique to your plot idea, I'll play along. :) First, a side-note, but it still bugs me and I felt it needed to be mentioned. If your MC knew that she wanted to pick a career with a magazine (publishing articles, I imagine) then she would take a Journalism major. Not a Creative Writing/English major. Perhaps you could also pick a minor for her to have decided on in college to show more about her personality and interests? Minors do not have to be connected to your major, necessarily. Keep that in mind. You could skim over the majors & minors offered at a state college near you, for ideas. Second, I imagine that your MC would not get a chance to write many articles herself. If she's interning, she'd most likely be paired with a person already writing the articles to learn from them (and fetch them coffee.) Internships aren't glamorous, and if you went with the cliche'd magazine company (like in 13 Going on 30, for example.) then your character may even get severely put down by the other characters. You would also have to think about plot twists and branch out the characters more. At the moment, they seem shallow, personality-wise. Why would he give her his number? Does he have an ulterior motive for doing so or is he just a guy who throws himself around? If he is the latter, what if he then started dating with someone else in the office (the antagonist or even the neutral-aligned boss?) How would your MC feel about that? How would she react? Would she quit the internship or attempt to destroy his career? There are so many places you could go with it if you think it out. Try to make it as uncliche as possible. Also, due to your age, you would need a LOT of research on the magazine industry. I wouldn't suggest movies as sources since those types of movies are going to play to numerous cliches (antagonistic "partner" attempting to undermine the MC, the guy instantly coming back to the MC without having any inner conflict, etc.) I really hope that helped and didn't come off too strongly. Also, I apologize for a wall of text. o_o;

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

maureen e87 — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 14:42:02 +0000

Just as a side note, my college (small private liberal arts) didn't offer journalism as either a major or minor, so English/Creative Writing is a possible major for someone interested in that field. Although I expect it would make it more difficult to find an internship, so that could become part of the plot (having to sell your future bosses on the fact that you didn't go to a different school in order to major in journalism, for instance).

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

wampuscat — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 19:36:18 +0000

First, I think the idea could be really cute. If the story is supposed to be funny and light, I would read it. If it's intended to be realistic, you might have to get some more info on how plausible such a storyline is. I don't have much experience with the magazine world, so I might be competely wrong, but I do have a journalism degree and I worked newspaper industry for a bit. Newspaper interns certainly write stories. Some do have interns shadow a reporter for a while, but others do not. I don't know about magazines. Maybe because of recent budget cuts, etc., interns get to do more than I might expect. I do know, though, that at most major magazines, the competition for internships is fierce, and many internships are unpaid. Also, some magazines use freelancers for the bulk of their stories. I think it's highly unlikely that an intern would be given a big story. I would guess that most have to work their way up to the important stories. I know lots of people in journalism who do not have journalism degrees, so I wouldn't worry too much about her major, but I would be surprised if a person with only an associate's degree landed an internship at a major magazine, especially one that includes writing. Maybe I'm way off here. Or maybe she has a connection that helps get her an internship. It would be more believable to me if the opportunity fell into her lap, and the editor couldn't have someone else write the story because she's the only one who can. Still, the whole thing seems unethical to me. As a reporter, you're supposed to tell people that you're a reporter, or there's a possibility of legal issues. I don't know how it works for tabloids or so-called undercover work. Maybe I'm too naive. If the story is intended to be realistic, it would probably annoy me because I hate journalists who are out to "get" people in order to get a "career-making" story. This storyline reminds me a lot of the movie Mr. Deeds, which was fun and cute, but obviously not realistic. (Other movies that are similar are Hitch, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, etc.) So, if you're going that route, the I wouldn't worry about the stuff above. I hope the stuff above is helpful. I don't mean it to be harsh. I can totally see this being a made-for-tv movie or something, like on the Disney channel or the WB or something.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

wampuscat — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 19:41:04 +0000

I like the concept. It has kind of a Romeo and Juliet meets Matched kind of feel. I also like that they have old-fashioned names in a dystopian setting.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

loserlikeme — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 19:50:41 +0000

Oh my god, I totally described it to my friend as "The Devil Wears Prada meets How To Lose A Guy In Ten Days, but as a young adult novel". Yeah, for the article thing, I don't intend for the boss to pull her exclusively to get the chance for a paid job, I'm planning on the boss firing some random worker (Fact Checker 7, something that really doesn't matter in the book, but the MC wants it because at least is a PAID job), and instead of trying to hire publicly, she gives the interns an assignment to see who can write the best (and by that, she means the most scandalous) article, and that person gets the job. Oh, yes. This is NOT shooting for realism one bit. I intend for it to be fluffy, but not so fluffy that you regret wasting time to read it. Yeah, her experience dating him is actually going to be nice, but she's going to, how we say, "bulk the story up a bit". And after their first date, she's going to write it, and e-mail it to her boss, and her boss is going to love it enough to actually put it in the magazine, and the rest is the aftermath of that (I intend for the MMC to take her to some awards show and find out on his phone, and storm out, just so I can write my MC's unhappiness, as I find it fun to write characters going through hard things that they brought upon themselves). Oh, for the 'why would he give her his number' question, She's pretending not to know who he is, and she's sweet and charming, so I'd like to think he'd want to get to know her better, and he doesn't slip her his number, I think he'd slip her his assistant's cell phone number, for the sake of privacy, JIC.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

wampuscat — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 19:52:58 +0000

This is much more intriguing than your original post. I would get rid of the last line, though. It tells too much instead of showing. You don't have to tell the story, but maybe you could replace it with something with more substance. What does she do when someone is missing from the shelter? I assume that's the inciting event in the novel? This might make a good first draft to a query letter. You might want to strengthen what the overall point is. We know the MC, the villian, and the setting, but what is the MC's ultimate goal? To survive? To overthrow Alexander? You don't have to be specific about how it ends, but it would be nice to say what the stakes for her are. I agree with Cathrine_M_Nunn that there's a lot of dystopian's out there, so it would help to have something to set yourself apart, but I like dystopians, so I'd probably at least pick it up to read the first chapter or so to see if I liked it.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

wampuscat — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 20:08:53 +0000

Is this a boarding school? That would be a bit more believable to me than an ordinary everyday school. I don't know why. My biggest issue with the synopsis is believabiliy. If you added in a reason why the kids can't go to the cops, it would be a lot more solid. I'm guessing that the teachers have something to do with Cory's death. (I DO want to know how he dies.) Maybe they could kill other people. Maybe there's some sort of blackmail going on. Maybe the kids talked to the cops, and the cops didn't believe them, so they decided to act on their own. Also, I'm curious about whether Cory would really give a letter to his mom to keep just in case something happens to him. That implies that his mom knows something might happen to him. It would be more believable to me if the letter got to her in some other way. I think your idea has potential and am intrigued.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

wampuscat — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 20:19:22 +0000

I'm confused, I think. Is the overall conflict who she loves and how she reconciles her emotions? Or is the conflict really stopping the revolution? I certainly think you can have both, but with the way revolution was thrown in here at the end, it made it seem secondary and possibly unnecessary. Perhaps it's because you intend this to be a trilogy? I'm also not sure whether you're intending this to be fantasy or dystopian. Maybe it's both? I don't know if I would read it because I don't have a very good sense of whether I like the MC or not. I would pick it up to look at it, because I like this type of story, but if it doesn't have some sort of unique factor, I won't finish it unless I really like the MC.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

LisaMDJ — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 21:14:22 +0000

[quote=loserlikeme] Oh my god, I totally described it to my friend as "The Devil Wears Prada meets How To Lose A Guy In Ten Days, but as a young adult novel". [/quote] That's a good description of your book, and I think it sounds like a nice, light, fun read. Bear in mind that I'm 39 years old and I might not pick it up, though! I do read YA fiction quite frequently, though, because there's actually a lot of really good stuff out there. If I was in the mood for something light and fun, I might read your book, particularly since the main character is a writer. My turn? My book is a modern retelling of Frankenstein. My main character, Daniel, lives with his father, who tells him they were in a car accident when he was 14 and his mother died. Daniel has a lot of scars, supposedly from the accident, and he remembers nothing from his first 14 years of life, including his mother. On his 17th birthday, he receives a strange packet in the mail, which includes a note saying "You're not who you think you are," and a newspaper clipping about a bus accident that happened three years ago, which resulted in the deaths of the entire junior varsity cross country team from a private school a few towns away. One boy's body was never recovered. Daniel assumes maybe he is actually that missing boy, whose name is Ryan. Daniel and his father are not close, and his father is cold and distant and strange, so Daniel takes his chances on finding out who he is. He goes to the private school, where he meets a girl named Jess, who was Ryan's best friend. Jess confirms that he looks like Ryan, but not exactly -- he definitely has his eyes, though (we find out later he literally has his eyes!) She wants him to be Ryan, but she doesn't really believe it. She tries to help him figure things out and they start to fall in love, but eventually various things happen (trying not to make this summary so long!) and Daniel ends up at the lab where he was created. His father worked for a pharmaceutical company that was actually a front for an evil corporation (whose ultimate motives aren't revealed until the second book). Daniel finds out from his father's friend, McGraw (who still works there) that he was created from the bodies of the boys in the bus accident. The company runs several tests on Daniel, because he has superior strength, speed, and intellect, and they are particularly interested in his memories. At this point, he has none except for the past three years. (This will be important in the 2nd book, when the memories come back to him). McGraw helps Daniel escape the lab. He reunites with his father, Jess, and his best friend Will (who tried to help him and was severely beaten by the evil dudes at the lab). They hide out at his father's doctor friend's house until they discover that the people at the lab may know about Magda, who is another reanimated person living in Poland. We discover that they helped Magda fake her death so no one would know about her. The doctor and Daniel go to Poland to warn her and they try to get her to go back with them, to hide out in the Tennessee mountains until they figure out what to do next. Magda resists -- she's been living a free life for many years. She was created in 1944 out of the remains of Auschwitz prisoners (we learn more about her memories from their lives as well). Magda and Daniel fly back to the U.S. with the doctor, ostensibly to go into hiding in Tennessee. They take a small prop jet from D.C. to TN, and Magda manages to get her hands on a parachute. She opens the emergency door and yanks Daniel out with her and the book ends with them dropping to earth. It's supposed to be a bit of a cliffhanger but it also resolves things in the sense that Daniel has chosen to cast his lot with Magda instead of going back to Jess, for now. He wants freedom and wants to finally own his life instead of feeling like a monster. The book explores the idea of being a creation instead of a person, of existing but not having been born, etc. I'm leaving some things (and characters) out in this summary, but this is the general idea! Oh, and I have absolutely no idea what to do for a title.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

LisaMDJ — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 21:20:03 +0000

Wow, that turned out really long. Sorry!

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Suzana Mazon — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 22:30:06 +0000

I really like this concept! A title like: Torn Apart Bits and Pieces Coming Together Whole Parts My favorite: The Puzzle of Jigsaw (Maybe he has Jigsaw as a nickname. He thinks it's from his love of puzzles, which he did a lot while recuperating from waking up 3 years ago. Of course the doctor/dad calls him that for his own warped reasons. He keeps the name because his body, heart, soul, memories are all jigsaw puzzles.) Jigsaw Puzzle (same as above, maybe the name of the 2nd book where he makes his own identity and takes the last name of Puzzle). I hope I see it on the bookshelves, I'll be reading it.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Airen Rin — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 23:24:18 +0000

Hi all! I wasn't sure whether to send my novel(s) to the Fantasy section or sci-fi section, so I stuck it in here! Eh... It is the year 2014 and the world is beginning to recover from the Psychotic Halloween (2013). People with supernatural powers are beginning to be studied and separated into categories. The main term for them, though is Warped. Eighteen year old Dylan Jones recently moved into his new apartment and on the first night, saw a blood covered teen climb past his balcony window. The teen turned out to be his next door neighbour and is apparently an assassin. He's also in his classes. The problem? Dylan doesn't give a damn about the teen or that he had just moved into a new neighbourhood, instead focusing on his newfound power of accessing the internet by connecting/touching an electronic device (like a walkman player). Too bad his new friends won't leave him alone. In the background of this teen drama, lines are being drawn as people are divided between their beliefs, their religion, their abilities and their motivations. Some of the more opinionated countries of the war are already at war. Civil wars are erupting onto a global scale and Dylan need to find where he stands in this. This story is about globalization, emotional ties, biological ties and the internet.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

LisaMDJ — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 23:41:10 +0000

Thank you so much! I like your title ideas. I'd been thinking something to do with "scars" but I like the "pieces" notion better. I just can't believe anyone read that ridiculously long and rambling summary! Thank you!

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Airen Rin — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 23:51:39 +0000

Yours sound so interesting! I would totally pick it up and read! What would this something be? I think you could elaborate more on the concert/SPIRAL though as well as who is keeping secrets from Ryan. Is it his family? Friends? Teachers?

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Princeshelby — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 06:43:25 +0000

I personally would not, mainly because it just isn't my taste. However, I have I friend who I think would love it to pieces. MIne is based on the poem "The Man With the Blue Guitar" by some really awesome author that I forget the name of at the moment. If you have not read it, I highly recommend at least the first stanza. Essentially, there is a girl who lived on Tybee Island, Georgia, in 1962. She plays cello, and one day she spontaneously decides to quit taking classical lessons after ten years and teach herself hw to play the still relatively new type of music she hears on the radio; rock. WIth the help of the quiet girl that's next to her on the seating chart in orchestra class and a refreshingly understanding and nice Music Appreciation and History teacher, she tries to change Things As They Are in her world of cello and music. Meanwhile, in the background, other Things As They Are are also being changed, such as music, Civil Rights, and other events that would end up make things as they are in modern day.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

wampuscat — Fri, 02 Dec 2011 16:45:28 +0000

I can't believe I wrote dystopian's. Arg. I need an edit function.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

MarcyT — Sat, 03 Dec 2011 00:01:38 +0000

@Princeshelby: I'm not a historical fiction fan, but your story sounds interesting. I think it's neat to see how things use to be and how they changed to be how they are now. Your character sounds like she's a lot of fun and always ready for something new. Mine's a little long, but I'm looking for advice on the Mercagea Trilogy Book Three: The Victor summary, which is posted on my page.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

wampuscat — Sat, 03 Dec 2011 01:33:53 +0000

I like Scars. Just as it is. I didn't even read your whole summary, but it's enough that I'd pick up the book to read the first chapter or two to see how it goes.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

wampuscat — Sat, 03 Dec 2011 01:35:18 +0000

I think you've got a good grasp on what you want to do. I hope it goes well!

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

LisaMDJ — Sat, 03 Dec 2011 18:09:20 +0000

Thank you!

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

bookmonster — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 00:10:00 +0000

@MarcyT: it sounds interesting to me, especially how the main character is the father, though it'd make it harder for people of the YA audience to relate to. I'd probably read it (though only after reading the first two:)) Working Title: The Absent One minute just normal kids, the next they're kidnapped and experimented on; given powers beyond belief, but the experiment hasn't been perfected, in fact, they're just tools in perfecting it for those more naturally gifted, and not expected, or wanted to survive. For the Fourteenth edition of the experiment to survive they'll have to escape their captors and make their way back to society. The minute they're taken they're part of a massive web of lies, betrayal and death, and people they love are drawn in and as they strive to survive more surprises are thrown at them, making their homes seem farther away from when they started.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

MarcyT — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 05:52:10 +0000

@bookmonster: I was a little confused, which of my summaries did you review? First off, I love the title. It sounds so cool. I would definitely read this because I love stories with supers in it. I found it very intriguing and am wondering what is going on and what the massive web of lies is. I might like a little more description of the characters involved and/or what they're up against. All in all, I loved the summary. It gave me a taste of the book and left me with a lot of questions, which is what I like in a summary. I would like reviews on Mercagea Trilogy Book Three: The Victor summary, which is on my page because it's really long.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

N-K-W — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 00:20:58 +0000

@bookmonster, it sounds ok, but i think it is rather close in stories such as 'The Maze Runner', 'Maximum Ride', etc...

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

bookmonster — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 01:07:31 +0000

That's what I'm afraid of. I read Maximum Ride while I was planning it and completely changed a sub-plot because it was too much like the erasers. The plot's a lot different from both of those though.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

bookmonster — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 01:11:06 +0000

I reviewed "How to raise a teen save the world and hopefully not get killed over the summer." Sorry I don't think I really looked at the title to make sure it was the one you were asking for.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

MarcyT — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 12:01:40 +0000

Thanks! That's the one I wanted. I just wanted to make sure because I've messed up before, thinking comments were a little odd, only to realize that I had asked for and gotten them for a different story than I apparently thought I asked for. :)

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

whitedove — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 01:49:18 +0000

I like the idea of it being from the father's POV too. It'd be nice if there weren't so many YA books out there that make it seem like anything good that will ever happen to you happens when you're a teenager. Like, am I the only one who noticed that there was one adult in all of the HP books that had good things happen to him other than marrying the girl he fell in love with at Hogwarts? One. And he was a minor character. Everyone else picked their career, made all the friends they ever had, met the love of their life, everything, before graduating what amounts to high school. All the things that rarely happen to teenagers. It's like there's some secret rule that adults cant go on adventures. :( It's kind of depressing.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

Rubyfruit — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 06:16:53 +0000

I had an idea for a story, but I don't know if I should write it. I had planned one of those Drama-Filled Private School stories (in the style of The Ashleys/The Clique/Gossip Girl and that), with a twist. The main character is fat, and unlike other stories with fat protagonists, she doesn't lose weight to find her happy ending. Instead, she tries to kick her twin habits of smoking and picking up guys from dive bars (which is where the smoking came from) with the help of her best friend, and maybe there's a guy who's like none of the others, and I had planned on a romance but I don't know yet. There was also a sequel-ish story about the best friend planned. I have no idea where to go with that.

Re: The Would You Read It thread :-D

N-K-W — Thu, 01 Mar 2012 19:42:53 +0000

then you're probably fine. :)