Schmeems
Synopsis
The land of Ridikerous: Where narrators and Angels have full sway, and heroes and adventurers are at their mercy. The evil Nial Liv has lost the locket that gave him his overlord powers, and our heroes must find it before Nial can or be forced to live in darkness forever.
With Angels betting in heaven on their survival and success, our heroes undertake a daring quest for adventure, attempting to thwart the plans of the evil overlord and his minions to save the land of Ridikerous.
Excerpt
*“I see this is going to be a pain. We better get you some help. Why they just grab you silly fools and drop you here for me to deal with is beyond me…”* The voice, annoyed now, trailed off into disgruntled mumbling. Suddenly, a loud, screeching *pop* exploded in the air. Braden jumped to his feet again, alarmed. He still wasn’t sure this wasn’t a continuation of his nightmare, and he was beginning to be a little disgruntled himself. He didn’t like feeling so out of the loop. Looking around cautiously, he felt his eyes widen as a sudden fireball exploded in the field below him. Shielding his face from the heat and squinting into the light, Braden watched in amazement as a girl somersaulted and cartwheeled crazily out of the burning wreckage of a small sailboat. The sails were shredded and the mast began toppling onto the burning deck just as she got clear.
The girl couldn’t have been more than 25, her red hair curled and tied up with many ribbons and clips, though pieces still flew everywhere. A few were smoldering. Her skin was dirty and soot covered, but Braden could tell she had a fair complexion underneath the grime; her eyes were hidden behind a dark pair of sunglasses. Continuing his inspection, Braden blushed as he realized she was wearing only a bikini top and tattered pants. He saw much more of her legs than he was expecting. The girl whooped in excitement as she came to a stop with a flourish. Noticing Braden at the top of the hill, she waved and bowed with a flourish. “That was AWESOME!” She exclaimed. Braden could only stare.
*“You. Go talk to her. She’ll help you. Probably. Maybe. Well, whatever. She’s been here before. At least she doesn’t ask as many question as you!”* Braden felt himself pushed from behind suddenly, and he stumbled a bit down the hill.
“Thanks dude!” the girl called out, waving at the sky before turning back to Braden, laughing at his obvious confusion.
*“Yes, yes. Well, do help him figure things out, will you? You’ve got a lot to do, and really I can’t always be here answering questions. I have other people to find, and drop around, and you know I have to go find Nial, again, and those darn Angels…”* The voice trailed off and was gone. The only sounds in the meadow were the grass rustling in the breeze and the pops and crackles of the burning sailboat.
“Yo. I’m Bianca. First time in Ridikerous?” She smiled as Braden stumbled down the hill, staring at her incredulously.
“Braden. Enchanted. Yes, first time. I mean, really, I don’t even know what’s going on. Ridikerous you say? What on earth is that?”
“Not Earth,” Bianca corrected. “Ridikerous. First things first. Don’t go around calling this place ‘Earth’, if the narrator hears you he’ll get mad. It doesn’t do to be too inaccurate...well, not all the time anyway. Also, really, it’s just wrong.”
“Ummmmm,” Braden stared at her. It wasn’t so much that she was babbling, just that she was talking extremely fast and she didn’t seem to be making any sense. “Did you know your boat is burning?” He asked lamely, wincing at the obviousness of his question.
“WHAT?!” Bianca cried in alarm, turning wildly. “What the hell? Oh, when I catch up with that no-good assistant he is so toast!”
“Ummm, right. What?”
Bianca turned back to Braden, frowning. “Oh, I see. So, this is why I’m here huh? You really do ask a lot of questions. We might have to break you of that as well. You never know what will get you in trouble around here.”
“You make it sound like this place is alive,” Braden said quizzically.
“No, not the place,” Bianca answered matter-of-factly. “But certainly the narrator and his no-good assistant.”
*Ahem*
“Right. Sorry. But you did burn my boat,” Bianca muttered rebelliously. “Was that necessary?”
"You're in a meadow. You don't need a boat. Now hurry up and get out of here so I can get back to work."
Bianca sighed. Shrugging she turned back to Braden with a grin, "So, been craving adventure?"
