At 42 with several failed relationships behind him (all of them with women, or persons purporting to be women) a dingy flat on the wrong side of Essex Road and a dead-end job updating global population statistics, Alastair is beginning to despair of finding the solution to his problems in any of the self-help guides to which he has become addicted. Spurred on by a recommendation from his best friend's wife, Alastair embarks on one final attempt at self-realisation with the help of a book entitled 'Teach Yourself Telepathy'. Then the woman of his dreams moves into the flat of her nightmares (the one beneath Alastair's). Guided by the book, he sets out to win her affection, but his inherent ineptitude (not to mention his lack of talent for telepathy) lead him into some embarrassing and heart-breaking situations. Will he abandon his quest, or will he, as his mother would say, grab the bull by the teeth, take the bit between the horns and finally make love work?