Soo, this is my first real attempt at NaNo, and so far it's not going so swell, but that's another story. What I'm stuck on at the moment I don't have to write about for ages, but I would like to clear it up, and that is what would be the best way of killing Santa. The story in it's most basic form is Santa Clause = Al Capone, and some of the elves are management, and the rest are slave labour, by the end of the book there will have been a revolution, and Santa will end up dead, but I want a really funny, or sick, or cool way of killing him, any ideas?
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The naked muse
who sits and chews
tobacco off a tree
removes his shoes
gives way to booze
and searches endlessly
Procol Harum - Good Captain Clack
51,172 / 50,000
Nov 2, 2007 - 03 59
Of course pratchett handles this quite well. The only way to kill santa is to make sure that no one belives in him.
So perhaps Santa could be tortoured to death, tied between two fying reindeers being pulled apart 10 feet above the ground, wihle the gansters taunt him into believing that no one believes in him anymore. It would be a kind of pychological suidcide.
Or alternatvily he could just be shot with a toy gun.
51,524 / 50,000
Nov 2, 2007 - 04 07
I watched the start of a film recently with exactly the same premise. I think having Santa dying because his sleigh is shot out of the sky would be my personal choice. In flames. Perhaps he could go down fighting; standing up with twin uzis right to the moment of impact.
50,143 / 50,000
Nov 2, 2007 - 04 43
You could shove him down a chimney that's far too small, block the air holes and just let him suffocate.
...
That sounded a lot less morbid in my head.
2,073 / 50,000
Nov 2, 2007 - 05 35
Hmmm, so many good ideas, the idea of tying him between two reindeer's could work, or tie him between 4 and have him ripped apart would be cool to write (yeah, I know, I'm twisted). But shooting him with a toy-gun may also work. But if he were to go down fighting it would have to be with a tommy gun, more in character.
53,193 / 50,000
Nov 2, 2007 - 08 29
If you want it to be gruesome, I suggest something like being hung or crucified from the white and red striped North Pole.
Other than that, since this is the humor group, I would suggest something quick and simple, like being pushed out of his sled during a run or choking on a poisoned candy cane. You know, like one second he is there, and then POOF he isn't.
11,530 / 50,000
Nov 2, 2007 - 09 31
Personally I'd tie him up and make him watch "The Santa Clause 2" until his head finally explodes.
4,500 / 50,000
Nov 20, 2007 - 10 10
Thats just mean.
50,590 / 50,000
Nov 20, 2007 - 14 30
Impale him Chaka Zulu-style on the North Pole. Force feed the fat bastard cookies until he explodes.
Or drop him through the trap door in his audience chamber to the Rancor pit below. Santa has a Rancor pit, right?
7,014 / 50,000
Nov 26, 2007 - 11 44
If it's santa that you're after, what you do is get Rudolph after him, have him chase him down, maul him and bring him back for poisoned milk and cookies, have his stomach explode then, with just a bit of life left in him, heal him to health and torture him for eternity, cuz, ya know, santa is supposed to live forever and stuff, so, like, it would be eternal tourture. FRIGGIN AWSOME!!
36,357 / 50,000
Nov 30, 2007 - 10 34
Have Cindy Lou Who accidentally electricute him with Xmas tree lights. Its more amusing in a macabre kind of way if its accidental.
50,108 / 50,000
Nov 30, 2007 - 19 27
Or drop him through the trap door in his audience chamber to the Rancor pit below. Santa has a Rancor pit, right?
Of course Santa has a Rancor Pit. It is to Santa what Ground is to Fed Ex
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Wait, what did I do? ...I signed up for what? ...Again?
51,056 / 50,000
Dec 4, 2007 - 19 53
Led poisoning. Definitely led poisoning.
News travels slowly to the north pole.
*Damn you Mattel (tm).
56,894 / 50,000
Jan 31, 2008 - 18 44
suck a candy cane till it gets all sharp and stab him with it
stab him with an icicle
use magic to bring snowmen to life and have them mob him
someone wanted a bomb for christmas, and it "accidentally" got switched on before he went for his annual voyage and blew him up
or, you could just have Batman do it:
http://www.superdickery.com/oneshot/27.html
http://www.superdickery.com/oneshot/26.html
http://www.superdickery.com/oneshot/25.html
17,895 / 50,000
Mar 22, 2008 - 12 02
An ice pick!
Killing Santa with an ice pick actually comes from real life.. My grandmother hates Santa, and my grandfather (who has recently become obsessed with those inflatables for the front yard) said he wanted an inflatable Santa for the front yard. My grandma shouted out, "NO, Jim! If you do, I-- I will go after him with an ICE PICK!" My mom and I just about died laughing, and spent the next month and a half before Christmas looking EVERYWHERE for an ice pick. No one had one, and we ended up recruiting my uncle to look, as well. Finally, we found one (at Ace Hardware, of all places) and put it in a bag with Santa on it. The tag read, "To: Jeanne From: Mr. Clause" She forgot the whole story. Horrible. My mom and I even jumped out of our seats with our cameras to take a picture of her expression, but of all the things to forget....
So, yes, an ice pick would be an interesting means of death for Mr. Clause...