Worst. Seduction Technique. Ever.

I can't think of any really bad ones. I CAN say I've never, ever gone for a guy who starts lamenting about women only being willing to date assholes and not "nice" guys like them. (A REALLY nice guy wouldn't passive-agressively guilt trip women for not being interested in him.)

I have a vague recollection of some guy at a bar doing that when I was out with a friend (who is now my husband). The guy started up with that speech and then turned to me. I smiled and said he wasn't my type. I was a wee bit drunk. He rolled his eyes and asked me what IS my type. I shrugged, said I didn't think I really had one. I just had a not my type. The guy slunk away in shame.

Oddly, I think this is what made my husband fall in love with me.

On the worst seduction technique I've ever used that didn't work, virgins, be forewarned!

Walking up to a guy you know, telling him that you're a virgin and that you've chosen him for the honor of fixing that problem DOES NOT WORK. Well, at least it didn't work on the sober guy I tried it on. :-/

Pullman, WA Municipal Liason
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I was crying over a breakup of a long term relationship and a friend walked by. After talking to me about the breakup for a few minutes he said something along the lines of, "Why not go back to my apartment, get naked and forget about that guy?"
I looked at him like he had sprouted horns. Here I'm dying inside and he wants to have sex. I hated him from that day on.

i remember when i was quite young - 15 or 16, say - and i would go out to a particular club every weekend.
weirdly enough, the guys there (who more often than not knew my age) seemed to think it would be a good thing to tell me quite how old they were. in fact, many of them lied and said they were older. like 30 when they're 25. :\

I had a date scheduled with a guy I had known for awhile but never really gone out with or seen in that light. I was really sick for the days before hand and told him so and also that it might be a good idea to reschedule as I was feeling very, very sick still on that day. He said it was fine and insisted that we still go out. We go out to dinner and he decides to park for awhile. We start talking and cuddling and suddenly I need to throw up, like now. I rush back inside the restaurant and proceed to lose my dinner.

I come back out and ask him to drive me home, I get home and he tries to make out with me, puts his hand on my breast and it just sits there. He turns and looks at me and says "I'm not very good at that seduction crap." and went back to trying to kiss me with his hand still just sitting there on my breast. I told him to leave and never talked to him again.

Rule one, trying to get sex from someone who just threw up from being sick, not drinking, bad idea.
Rule two, if you are going to fondle a person for heavens sake actually fondle them or something.
And rule three, never, ever, tell someone you are bad at sex and/or seduction and expect to get anywhere.

"Life and death are like day and night, meaningless without each other."

"In the Blood"- 2006 Winner
"The Sixth Kingdom"- Challenge 2007

Technique tried on me that did not work:

Fairly nice first date... cut to the end-of-the-night smooch: He leans in, I lean in, rest my hand on his shoulder... kind of lingering (but bland) kiss... he reaches up and grabs my hand, then slides it down to his crotch and asks "now that you've previewed the goods, you gonna ask me to stay for a drink?"

Um. No?

* * *

Successful technique that I tried on a guy (even though it was kind of a joke. kind of):

Had been getting to know each other for a while, definitely friends, had been kinda getting that "interested" vibe from him and had been doing my best to give my "interested" vibe back, but he was making no moves whatsoever! one night he had come over to watch a movie and i couldn't understand why he wasn't trying anything. thought maybe i was wrong about his interest?

well, after the movie was over and we sat for a few minutes, he turned and asked me what i wanted to watch next. figuring it was something i could laugh-off as a joke if he said no, i asked "wanna watch some porn?" turns out that he did! totally worked!

I just remembered another minor one that happened to me, back when I was twenty-one. No... I was twenty-two, yes. I'd just gotten dumped from a three-month relationship that had been very intense. Love of my life kind of intense. (Even now at age thirty, other than my husband, no one comes even close to that brief relationship.) Anyway, I was terribly devastated and had already spent one night out drinking, sobbing hysterically and puking.

On such a night, I'd run into an acquaintance who occasionally talked to me in those bars. I remember him advising me to slow down on the goldschlager. Anyway, I must have given him my phone number. He called and chatted with me a few times and was generally very nice. One evening when I was alone and lonely, he decided to take me out to cheer me up. We went to Blackhawk and played slot machines. It was my first time gambling. We played conservatively (I lost $20) and afterward, he wanted to show me some graveyard. (Okay, we were both goths, all right??) I could only imagine a limited number of activities two people alone might do in a graveyard at night (make out?), so I said I was ready to go home. No problem! He drove me home, and we talked the whole way. It was fine, but I was nervous about that moment where it was time to say goodbye, but I told myself, he's been consoling me for days about losing the love of my life, he KNOWS I'm not ready for anything else...

So, he pulls in front of my town home. I give him a quick hug and begin opening my door, and he says, "No kiss goodnight?"

Here's what's really terrible: I just went ahead and kissed him. A quick peck on the lips. Then I got the hell out of the car, and screened his calls forevermore.

Is it bad that I have multiple ones?

1) Junior Prom. At the dinner table with eight other people. My date, a group member on a major project that was due at the end of the quarter.

Date: "So, my mother gave me a box of condoms."
Me: *finish chewing the salad.* "Excuse me, I need to go the bathroom."

I ended up grabbing my keys and going home early. The idiot did not even realize I ditched him and invited me to his senior prom. I told him I was working. He came to my work place to ask my boss to let me off. I stood in the back room with my boss and pleaded with her to let me work. I remember saying at one point, "I will work for free."

2) "Is that a tic tac in my pocket or I am happy to see you."
*hand slaps forehead* I remember my response, "And is that pepper spray in my pocket or a roll of quarters. The question is do you really want to find out."

3)(no offense intended to nuns. I have full respect for them.) Boy *interrupts me while I am writing before class*: "No one ever wants to have sex with me. Will you have sex with me?"
My response: "Sorry, I am going to be a nun."
Friend's response after classmate leaves. "Aren't you the wrong religion for that?"
My response as I return writing: "Yes, but he does not know that."

4)Boy: *interrupts on writing* So what are you working on?
Me: A story
Boy: I have something better you could work on *gestures lower* Active audience participation- I heard that is really neat.
Me: *glances down at story* You really want to participate in a castration scene? Okay, warning, I have never done it before. But writing involves research.
Boy: *pales and stammers off some excuse*
Me: *chuckles darkly and continue writing while thinking, 'I should have sign. Warning: I am writing and my social inhibitors are down.'*

2005: Phoenix's Equilibrium (Fin! Won!)- historical fiction
2006: Thorns of a Child's Rose (Fin! Won!)- crime drama
2007: Slipping Through the Cracks (Fin!-Barely Won!)- fantasy

Current Project: Editing a co-written story

Castration scene?!?!?!

You made me burst out laughing in the middle of the computer lab! That is every type of awesome every invented!

You = Hero.

"Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic to it. Begin it now." -- Goethe

While walking down the sidewalk to a party one friday night, one of my friends called out to a girl on the other side of the street, "Got anything to do for the next half hour?"

Not sure about technique, but I can quote the worst LINE ever. High school, and the sexy boy and I are making out, but I'm saying "No farther." His response was, and I kid you not..."Come on baby, it won't take that long."

Blink, blink.

And this is going to change my mind, why?

Funny, but the same guy gave me the best line of my teen years later that night. "The way you kiss, you will LOVE sex!" he was right, but he never got to find out....that "won't take too long" thing had determined that.

"Between me and life there is a mist of words always." Wilde

Funny enough this worked in Germany.

I approached a girl. Smiled, made eye contact and said Hello.

Then all the clever lines refused to come out and the next thing I said was er.

Embarrassed I then dropped my gaze, which on a woman means your accidentally staring at her breasts.

I then said sorry and retreated.

Being fairly amused by this she laughed and within the hour this poor innocent was lured up to her flat.

I think I had the novelty value of being the only person that did not have an assertive manner. German being very much I Tarzan You Jane type of language.

Erm not bad seduction, but bad before you really have the relationship going properly. When confronted by a choice of twenty different condoms, all described in German, why did I opt for the only thing I recognised - Mickey Mouse.

Who said Germans have no sense of humour. She laughed and laughed and when the para medics arrived the paper bag calmed her down.

Odtaa: One Damn Thing After Another

Well, in my experience, which I'll allow is unusual, being anything other than honest and straightforward doesn't work out well. When I feel in love with best friend and decided I wanted him to stop thinking of me as his sister, I initially tried being subtle and ended up driving him crazy with trying to figure out what was up with me and irritating him pretty seriously. Once I was straightforward about what I wanted, it pretty much fell into my lap. Similarly when I let him (now my husband) know what I want, I get it. If I try being subtle, I don't.

I've found that the same technique applied by two different people can result in totally different results.

I was being sought after by a guy who decided to be all romantic at a medieval event and kiss my hand. It made my skin crawl and my eye twitch. It came off as creepy and yucky. Up until that point I thought there might be something between us. At that point I realized there would never be anything there. Up until then I thought kissing a girl's hand was supposed to be a romantic thing.

A few months ago my (now) boyfriend and I were sitting on the sofa talking. I really wanted to kiss him, but was too nervous that we'd been friends for too long and it might ruin that. Well, I was about to get up to refill his drink and he took my hand and kissed it. I melted. It was just so sweet and romantic because of who it was.

When the first guy did it, it was cheesy. When my boyfriend did it, I melted.

So, I guess the worst seduction technique was also the best!

Ken

________________________________________________________

"Writing is not necessarily something to be ashamed of, but do it in private and wash your hands afterwards." R Heinlein

My wife got chatted up recently (I was off parking the car at the time).
Person came up to her and asked her if she had any raisins. She said no.
Then she was asked if she had any dates. Again she said no.
Then she was asked if she wanted one. The penny finally dropped.

I also unfortunately overheard the seduction line a friend used when he managed to pick up at a student conference we went to, and had to share an apartment for a week.
Through the door I heard him ask "So, shall we shag now or shag later?"
I gather the answer was now cos the sofa bed started squeaking for the next half hour.

Pervert's Paradise- 2007

Once, many moons ago, I was out with some of my friends at the ol' neighborhood bar when someone tried to pick me up by putting his head on my shoulder and declaring that he was "harmless."

Then there was the guy who said, "You look good for your age."

lol. I guess I've been fortunate!

JB

"Your best teacher is your last mistake." -- Ralph Nader.

I find the ones that annoy me most are where I'll be there making as many suggestions and such as possible, surrounded by kinky clothes, toys and accessories, etc. And all he's after is a blow job. It's amazing how many guys have done that. And there's the immortal offer of the 69, which most guys seem to think will automatically make women to anything for them.

If there's one thing I hate in a sexual partner, it's someone who always does the same old, same old stuff.

Though lovers be lost, love shall not,
And death shall have no dominion.

I've got one! A long time ago when I was standing outside in front of my house looking at a napkin-size garden I'd managed to get started. A guy I worked with was down the street visiting a friend of his. This guy comes over to say hello, I say hello back, then he says: "Let's go inside." I knew what he meant. I said no.

I heard later on that he used the same technique with another women. He walked into the dorm lounge where she was sitting with her boyfriend. He asked to speak to her in private, when they were alone he asked her if she wanted to go to bed with him.

Sad part was he was a fairly good looking guy with quite a bit of sexual chemistry. If he had used a different approach with me (like put forth some effort - or gotten me drunk first) things might have turned out different.

Best. Thread. Ever.

I am so going to try as many of these as I can just for the giggles. "C'mon Babe, it won't take long!" - I want that on a t-shirt.

Buddies welcome, scripts discussed, etc :)

When I was in college, one evening there was a dance party in the dorm lobby. Afterwards I noticed that one of the boys was shlepping boxes of records (yes, records - the CD had not been invented yet) back to his dorm room two flights up. Because I felt sorry for him, and had nothing else to do, I offered to help. We got the last of the records to his room, and were both out of breath. He invited me to sit down for a moment, which I did. I knew his roommate's girlfriend, who was in a couple of my classes. He showed me some pictures of the roommate and the girlfriend. I was commenting on the nice pictures when he suddenly lunged at me and tried to kiss me. I pushed him away and yelped "What are you doing?" He looked astonished and said he was going to **** me, like I wanted him to. "What gave you that idea?" "You helped me carry the records back up." "I just wanted to help you, I wasn't interested in anything else." "Well, then why did you help me carry the records?" "To help you out!" He looked confused and lunged at me again. I jumped up and left. End of conversation! I really wasn't interested in the guy, and his assumption that helpfulness equals horniness freaked me out for a looong time. As a fully brainwashed female, I naturally assumed the misunderstanding was my fault, but eventually I realized that at that age - and other ages - guys assume that any female who is alive and breathing and in the same time zone is hot to trot.

Really - for some reason this worked

I was moving after a divorce. My then Boyfriend (now husband) who is not usually this direct...

Movers leave
he's sweaty
I'm sweaty
sitting on opposite couches
both recovering our breath from moving

-- he looks up and says.."Hey we're alone wanna F*** " (he NEVER uses F word)
-i replied with something lame like "OK"

and we had sex on an unmade bed - raw mattress sex....kinda sexy

I will tell you this - that line would never had worked coming from anyone else
and we have 3 kids now (his, hers, ours) so you betcha it would work in a heartbeat today! (Only from him)
:)

Sincerely.
BJ LEE : Ghost.Scriber@gmail.com
- 2008 Charlotte NC Co - ML with Psuedo Joe
- 2007 Charlotte NC ML & NaNo WInner
- 2006 Charlotte NC Co-ML with Richard Smith
- 2005 NaNoWriMo Participant & Winner
- 2004 NaNo LURKER & unofficial winner

So my boyfriend (at the time, and currently) and I are watching House and snuggling on the couch, like we always do, and he turns to me during commercial and says "Can I ask you an awkward question from a completely scientific point of view?"
I'm interested, of course, so I say sure. And he asks "How do you feel about sex? I mean in general."
I answer that I thought it was "okay, i guess" and that I could either "take it or leave it".
Then he said "Can I ask you another question?"
"Is it scientific?" I ask, because I think I know where he's going with this.
"It might be." He says. "How would you feel about sex ... with me?"
And I nailed him right there. I guess that answered his question. :)

This would never have worked on me if anyone else had tried it, I promise you.

That's actually really cute, I think. (as a story, I mean, it would be weird if some random stranger tried it...)

____________________________________
There's a fine line between genius and insanity.
Let's cross the line.

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well I know really bad pick up lines that me and my freind have tried but they just don't work:

"We will make beautiful music together".
(I got punched for that)

"How about we forget life and just go to my place"

"Your pretty let's make beautiful children together"
(Big no!!!)

Bad technique but it worked on me. What does that say about me?

Anyway, I was at a bar waiting to place my order and the place was pretty busy. I get jostled from one side and ended up bumping into the guy standing next to me. I apologize and we make some small talk about it being busy and crowded and wanting our damn drinks. When we do finally order he comments on my choice of beer and dips his finger into his glass, wipes the wet finger on my shirt, grins at me and says "why don't we get you out of those wet clothes?"

I never, in all my days thought that anyone would actually use that line. Laughed me right into bed.

Okay, it was half seduction, half crappy line.
I was with this guy, and we were pretty good friends. We had to work on a group project, and he and I were the leaders. So i came over to his house about 1hr 30min early, because we still had to research. Our moms were in the kitchen chatting (they are friends), and we were in his room, on his laptop. We were sitting on his bed right next to each other, and he says "Hey, have you ever counted shoulders?" I'm like "No, why?" He says "Let's do it now." Then he taps his shoulders, saying "1, 2", then he taps my right one saying "3", and then he puts his arm around me, taping my left shoulder and saying "4". I'm like "Really?" and he says "allright" and takes his arm off my shoulders. Then he does the 'Yawn' thing, where they yawn, and then put there arms around your shoulder. This time I let him leave it, because he's kind of cute. He then pulls me closer to him, so we are right side by side. And then he says, and I quote directly, "I'm cold, so how about we warm up together?" and I'm like "What? That's the stupidist thing I've ever heard." And he's like, "you're right, it is." Then he says "Hey, I need to slim down for swimming, so how about we lose the weight together?" I just laugh. He tries out like 20 other stupid lines like that on me, and then our other groupmates arrive. After they all leave, and I'm waiting for my mom, he asks me out and I say yes. We're still dating, but havn't done 'it' yet.

Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken.-Tyler Durden
Oxygen gets you high. In a catastrophic emergency, you're taking giant panicked breaths. Suddenly you become euphoric, docile. You accept your fate. It's all right here. Emergency w

I had one a few years ago.

Out for a night out with some friends, young female student teachers, ran into another group out for a good time, young male student doctors, and decided to hang out together.

Well, the one I ended up talking to was a little bit drunk. I noticed he was looking me up and down (a little unnerving because I was having issues with my top... and staying inside it) when he announced "you have good wide child-bearing hips" Needless to say, we didn't get very far :D

Just got back from clubbing. Two of my friends had a giant blow-up fight. One of them was outside trying to calm his temper. The other was at the bar, absolutely sobbing. I was trying to comfort her and calm her down. This was not a girl who was trying to hide her tears. Her mascara was running, she had wiped lipstick all over her face and she was absolutely wailing. Clearly upset. While this was going on, a man walked up to me and grabbed my arm. I turned to face him, expecting him to ask me what's wrong. Instead he pulled me close to him and kissed my neck, biting at my shoulder. I shoved him away and demanded to know what he was doing. His reply: "Even if you reject me, I have decided that we need to have sex tonight."

Nothing says seduction like promising to rape someone who is busy comforting their crying friend.

2003: Superhero
2004: Shell Jumping
2005: Deuces Wild
2006: Idol of the Idle
[b]2007: Don't Be A Hero[/b]

My boyfriend, trying to get me to cyber with him. Just... Not sexy. He hates writing/reading, can't spell, doesn't know where to place commas, his porn is worth of weepingcock, etc. While he thought that he was being sexy and hot, it was just hilarious (but sort of cute, though...).

Senior year of high school, went to the mall.

This guy decided to "serenade" me.

I nodded, besides, he was cute.

Then he started off, "I like big butts and I cannot lie..." I stopped him after that line and said, "...Never mind", and walked off.

I have nothing further to add to this thread.