We got into a kind of side discussion about the Microsoft Word auto-summarize feature. :)
For most versions of Word, under Tools, there's a featue called "AutoSummarize"
The summaries basically take random samples of your novel and build a precis in a new file.
Feel free to post the summaries here and we'll all have a good laugh. Keep it to the sorter ones (10-20 lines or 100 words) which tend to result in much funnier blocks of text. :)
Mmm. Breast feathers. :)
=Bets=
----------
Some of us are fragile
Some of us have snapped
Some of us are watching
Some of us are trapped
Some of us are wounded
Some of us have strayed
Some of us are striving
Some of us have not been paid...
Martyn Joseph - "Some Of Us" (Deep Blue, 2005)
54,000 / 50,000
Nov 18, 2007 - 13 43
I have OpenOffice which doesn't have autosummarize. Tragic. I'm trying to use an internet summarization thing now, but it's very slow. Probably because it's saving a copy which it will proceed it post everywhere on the internet, and then send a virus to shut down my computer and steal my identity. Or something.
Oh dear god.
"The text is generally about mare that say something, cornwell that say something, carrie that have something, carrie that say something, front door, cornwell that have something, cornwell that try something, linnea that say something, sleeping club, how to close eye, husband that say something, cornwell that think something, cornwell that make something, mabel that say something, how to do something, carrie that get something, cornwell that roll something, cornwell that smile something, how to have fun, how to open door
Summary (main idea)
Linnea, Carrie, Maria and Cornwell all sat down around Carrie's small round table. "
I can't have said 'something' that much! It's just making stuff up. I'm sure I did not ever write anything about a female horse, let alone a talking one. That is horrifyingly bad.
A longer summary is just as stupid.
"' Carrie called Linnea and then Maria. ” Cornwell nodded at Carrie and Maria, and sauntered out the front door. Cornwell couldn't see how Linnea liked Maria. If Cornwell was to put her friendships in order, it would definitely be Linnea, then Carrie, then... well, her relationship with Maria wasn't a friendship. CARRIE ushers Maria in, gives CORNWELL a silencing glare. CARRIE: Actually, Maria, Cornwell is the only one here yet, and she just showed up. Linnea, Cornwell, Maria, and Carrie placed their sleeping bags around the living room. Cornwell was between Carrie and Maria, who was also beside Linnea, who was beside a wall. Linnea, Carrie, Maria and Cornwell all sat down around Carrie's small round table. “The one where you met up with Maria this morning... ” Carrie motioned for Cornwell to continue. "
50,009 / 50,000
Nov 18, 2007 - 23 31
I'm never ever going to be able to think of breast feathers the same way ever again. xD
I don't use Word, so I don't have auto-summarize. :\
55,387 / 50,000
Nov 19, 2007 - 06 05
Well, if Cumulonimbus could post the site they used to make theirs, even those using Open Office, Works, Word Perfect or Claris Works could get in on the fun... *hint hint*
=Bets=
54,000 / 50,000
Nov 19, 2007 - 06 20
Okay, okay.
Natural Linguistics Online Summarizer
http://www.nling.com/summarizer/
50,093 / 50,000
Nov 19, 2007 - 17 33
So...
Leslie. Never.Getting old. Claude?
Crazy old man.
“Hey Leslie?” I asked Leslie.
I liked the crazy old man. Leslie looked shocked. “Yeah, you run, crazy man.
Right? “Well,” said Leslie.
Thought. Claude,
“Claude,” chirped Katie.
“I’m Claude.”
“Leslie’s crazy.” Leslie had jumped me.
“Leslie!” Leslie frowned.
“Drat.” “I’m broke, Leslie.”
Guitar shopping time. “Yeah,” said Claude. Reality check, old man.
Hey, I’m pretty old! “No,” said Claude.
“Claude! “Leslie, I need a job. Leslie knew him. “Because you never paid,” spat Leslie.
Is there a method to this madness? Obviously you get a pretty good picture of the plot from this selection of choice bits... it kind of depressed me, really :P
Hoping to get some serious writing done tonight. Come on, people, I want to see some summaries!
-Brock
53,412 / 50,000
Nov 19, 2007 - 20 36
I couldn't pass this one up! Check it out:
"Anna! Jen shrugged. “Bryan. Jen shook her head. "Right." “Anna!” “Anna?”
Bryan shook his head.
“Anna! “Anna!” Jen asked. “Bryan?” “Yeah. Bryan laughed. “Jon!” “Jon, not tonight.”
“No, Jon. “Anna!” “Has Jon?”
Jonathan Arthur Marks
Jon demanded.
“Right,” Jonathan snorted. Jon demanded. Jon shouted. “Yeah. “Yeah.” Jen smiled. Jen shook her head. Yeah. Jonathan. “Hey, Jen?” “Anna?” “Yeah? “Bryan? Bryan asked.
Jon.’
“Anna?” “Yeah… “Anna? “Anna? “Anna! “Yeah.”
Jen asked.
”Yeah. Jen?”
“Yeah?” Jen asked.
“Okay,” Jen replied. “Anna?” “Bryan!” Bryan laughed. “Yeah…” Bryan asked. “Relax, Bryan. Bryan sounded surprised. “Yeah…” Yeah! Bryan laughed. Bryan laughed.
55,387 / 50,000
Nov 19, 2007 - 21 03
The twenty sentence version:
Katarina nodded. Danielle snorted. Erik smiled sadly. “Gift?!” sputtered Danielle. Frowning slightly, Katarina shrugged. Bernhard frowned. Danielle nodded firmly. “Name’s Simon. Danielle swallowed hard and looked at Katarina. Katarina dredged up a smile. Katarina nodded firmly. Katarina gaped at him.
“Gift?” Katarina frowned. Victoria smiled. Katarina wasn’t every teenager. Katarina asked softly. Never.” Katarina looked confused.
Katarina groaned helplessly.
====
The slightly longer, still nonsensical 500 words which creates the "breast feathers" reference (it only comes up at 500 words):
Too young, he thought sadly. Bernhard winced and shook his head. "It will be Erik, if you please. And Bernhard. Katarina thought about that for a few seconds. "Truly, Danielle," said Katarina with a shy smile. "The falls," tried Katarina with a thoughtful smile. "No, he doesn't" replied Bernhard softly.
Katarina stroked his breast feathers with a fingertip, watching Bernhard and Danielle set up lunch. Katarina nodded and looked at Pepper. Katarina nodded. Danielle snorted. Erik smiled sadly. “Gift?!” sputtered Danielle. Frowning slightly, Katarina shrugged. Reading the expression on Erik’s face, Bernhard nodded curtly, interrupting Katarina for a moment. “Danielle, please explain further, if you would. Danielle had been listening to Katarina and was caught off guard by Bernhard’s request. Danielle sighed heavily. Bernhard frowned. A little frightened by that thought, Katarina lapsed into silence. Danielle nodded firmly. Bernhard and Danielle had alternated evenings with Erik. Bernhard had been dragon back before. Nodding stiffly, Danielle tried to smile. “Name’s Simon. Katarina asked, cocking her head thoughtfully. Danielle swallowed hard and looked at Katarina. When Katarina frowned and raised an eyebrow, Simon laughed. Katarina dredged up a smile. Katarina flipped up the mask. Katarina nodded firmly. Smiling, the princess nodded again. Bernhard ground his teeth slightly when Simon announced the storm in the distance to Katarina. More accurately, Danielle, Bernhard and Katarina would board that ship along with the school’s representative. “Go, Julia,” called the king. If we face it, it goes away.”
The dragons turned as one and headed towards the storm. Katarina watched as Simon brought the dragon around and pointed up, waving at his twin. “Go, damn it,” called Bernhard. Simon thought about disobeying the order. Bernhard did not weep. Bernhard put a hand on her shoulder, shaking his head.
Simon sighed heavily. Katarina gaped at him.
“You must be Katarina. Nodding solemnly, the matron waved Simon back to his dragon. It is time to decide if you are a princess or a child. “Gift?” Katarina frowned. Katarina turned to face the woman in shock, her eyes wide. Victoria smiled. Reaching out to pat Katarina’s hand, the matron finally smiled. Headmistress Walker smiled. Bernhard frowned slightly at that. Katarina wasn’t every teenager. Katarina saw Bernhard’s frown and touched his shoulder gently. Turning to face Katarina, his eyes were flat and hard. Michael nodded. I want Danielle. Katarina asked softly. Katarina paused and turned to look at Bernhard in the moonlit carriage. "Never.”
Katarina turned to look out the window and frowned. Victoria leaned forward to touch Katarina’s knee. Katarina looked confused.
Bernhard stroked Katarina’s hair softly and her smile was lopsided and a little bitter.
You’re men. Bernhard looked thoughtful and frowned slightly. Katarina burst into laughter at that and grinned over at Bernhard. Erik and Bernhard had been friends for longer than Katarina had been alive. Katarina groaned helplessly. Jacob nodded. Both Bernhard and Katarina gaped slightly at that. “That makes a certain sense,” Katarina replied thoughtfully. Wincing, Katarina couldn’t help but chuckle a little bit.
==========
*baffled*
So my characters have very sore necks from nodding, are forever grimacing like monkeys, and apparently having some kind of weird multidimensional affair between the bodyguard, the princess, the princess' falcon, the princess' FATHER, the handmaiden, the three students and the headmistress of the school, and the dragon riders.... bearing in mind that there isn't so much as a KISS in this story, the way the summary makes it look utterly perverted makes me laugh.
Oh, and they talk to themselves a lot.
=Bets=
50,016 / 50,000
Nov 20, 2007 - 14 03
Ahahahaaaaaaa... (death by snickering)
“Right. Oh, thought Arget.
“…A little.”
Milo.”
“Milo?”
“Hey, Milo.” “Not long,” Arget agreed. Arget waved his hands. Arget eyed the coffee. Arget thought it hilarious. “Milo.”
Arget rolled his eyes. Milo snorted. Arget gestured ambivalently. Milo glared.
Arget asked strangely.
Arget paused. Milo shut his eyes. Arget said oddly.
Milo groaned. Arget winked. “Servant,” Milo interrupted. “Milo. “Rafe.
“Right. Milo grimaced. Uh-oh, thought Milo.
“Arget?”
Zoraida. “Rafe.”
Right?”
Arget paused. Milo swallowed hard. Milo.”
“Milo. “Rafe!”
“Thursday?”
“…Arget?” Milo. Arget pointed at Milo. Milo pointed at Arget accusingly. Arget added. Milo shifted anxiously. Milo pointed back.
50,009 / 50,000
Nov 20, 2007 - 15 02
I snorfled.
The text is generally about ignorant world, mark that growl something, parker that sure something, parker that go something, how to get problem, cell phone, safe zone, other that stop look, dusty-haired redhead that sit something, how to fumble one-handedly, world that perfect something, front face, day that hunt spare generator, voice that think something
------
The time, all three of them looked at Mark, Mary with astonishment, Parker with suprise, and David with anger. David scoffed, and Parker shifted uncomfortably on the crate. The time Parker intervened, pushing David back. Four years was a long time, and for a while she had forgotten her ties to Mark or David, or really anyone in this town. Mark had whipped around at the first cracks of the tree, and by the time Parker had turned around, aiming her gun in every which direction, David sounded off, " Jesus Christ its just a bird... " But even he sounded winded.
11,302 / 50,000
Nov 22, 2007 - 17 37
The text is generally about lucy that pull something, how to open door, lucy that say something, storage room, kim that say something, kim that scream something, day ago, lucy that think something, living room, lucy that begin something, dry ice, how to hand lucy, how to wave lucy, government that sell something, man that reply something, uncle that die something, lucy that push something, lucy that look something, kim that ask something, lucy that unlock something
------
This is from that online one, since I'm doing it all in notepad. I did a quick Edit->Find and was told that I never even wrote the word "something" once.
11,302 / 50,000
Nov 22, 2007 - 18 00
Ok, dissatisfied with my online results I tracked down Microsoft Word. A much more interesting summary came up:
---20 Sentences---
"Lucy!" Lucy shrugged. Lucy shouted. "Lucy. Lucy laughed.
"Kim. Lucy grinned.
"Kim?" "Kim?" Kim asked Lucy. "Lucy...."
Lucy blinked.
Lucy sighed. Lucy screamed. Lucy barked.
Lucy added.
Lucy lied.
"Kim!" Lucy shot Kim. Asked Lucy.
---
Apparently one of my MCs is insane and another is dead.
54,000 / 50,000
Nov 23, 2007 - 16 58
Yes, the online one is pretty bad, which was why I didn't initially post the link.