Title: Thalanien (working title at the moment)
Length: 246k at the moment - yes, I know it's long, and I'm not expecting you to do miracles with the critique :)
Draft: first, although the idea has been reworked for ah... 10 years?
Language: English
Brief Summary:
Alina is a dreamer and enjoys writing stories, but being drawn into one of them, she discovers that being in the hands of an unknown creator is not quite as much fun as being the creator. Meeting her characters, too, is scarier than she had expected. When events spiral out of control, Alina realises that giving a story a quest, an antagonist, unforeseen dangers and an unpredictable ending is a good idea – as long as you are not caught in the story yourself!
When her real-world friend, the chatty, child-like Jeanette, is also drawn into the story, a wild time travel disaster follows, and Alina begins to understand that this story is not going to be ordinary. Nor are the Magicians of the Council quite as trustworthy as she expected them to be, and the stereotype wise but useless guide is indeed quite useless when it comes to helping the heroes.
Along with the magic-intolerant Mylanh, his temperamental sister Madrynea, the mysterious Naheli and finally Adriana, the one character who does not seem to fit into the story, Alina sets out on a journey through Thalanien to follow the typical quest which every fantasy story must have – only now, there are real lives at stake. In addition, Alina quickly realises that there is something about Adriana which she had certainly not planned for the story – but what?
Alina knows how stories work, and throughout her travels through Thalanien, one question remains to be answered: what if this story will not have a happy ending?
Sub Genre & Keywords: fate, magic, story, quest, hope; the story touches a little bit on women's fiction and/or romance, but just a little
Known Issues: some issues with continuity which I will explain to anyone interested in reading it, but it can be read without too much trouble now;
some issues with two characters being out of character in some places, which I am working on;
possibly some issues with the logic of time travel, which is why I desperately need input :)
Critique Requested: As this is a very long novel, I am looking mainly for someone to pleasure-read it and give me a general impression - did you enjoy reading the story? Are the characters believable? Is the POV confusing, as there are many different characters? Do the characters have different voices? Do you understand the time travel aspects? Does the ending work? What questions do you have? What did you not understand? I am not looking for in-depths critique of grammar, spelling etc. as I will change some scenes and rewrite some parts. I am looking for an overall impression with suggestions on how to capture readers' interest from the beginning and improve the pacing of the story.
Critique Tolerance: Broad strokes, and I am open to any suggestions which can help me improve the story, but please don't be picky and dive into single word use and grammar aspects, as I am not yet working on that stage. :) If you think the story does not work at all, please tell me, but please also tell me why you think so.
Experience & Goals: This is my first novel and I am still editing, reworking and rewriting some parts. My long-term goal is publication, but I have not published anything. The story may still need a lot of work, so I'm looking for a critique to make it logical, easy enough to follow and pleasant to read.
Method of Communication: Contact through NaNo mail, then hopefully e-mail, possibly MSN or even snail mail - I am open to suggestions.
Anything else? The story is very low on violence, battles, sexual aspects and bad language. Basically, I'm trying to make a fantasy story that works without any of those, so it's pretty safe to read for anyone, although there are a couple of deaths (very non-bloody and non-explicit).
----------
Characters killed: Adriana 90%, Mylanh 50% and Salín 20%
Quite pathetic heroes: 1
Stories writing themselves: 1
Best daily word count: 7062
Cups of tea consumed in the process: lost count
Total words since Nov 1: about 190k




50,055 / 50,000
Apr 11, 2008 - 16 18
I'll take a go at it... I'm always interested in something to read...
err.... MSN works for me... CeldereLoL@hotmail.com .... that's email or messenger.. feel free to contact me anytime
----------~ Gemini Evans
2006: Transdimensional: 53k in 27 days!! a story about 6 teens and alternate dimensions. And swords... I like pointy :D
2007: Hell Hath No Fury Like A Waitress Scorned: n/a a story about demons and this waitress named Meg.
75,178 / 50,000
Apr 12, 2008 - 10 29
Hello, and thank you! :) I'll send you an e-mail in a minute!
----------Characters killed: Adriana 90%, Mylanh 50% and Salín 20%
Quite pathetic heroes: 1
Stories writing themselves: 1
Best daily word count: 7062
Cups of tea consumed in the process: lost count
Total words since Nov 1: about 190k
9,123 / 50,000
Apr 12, 2008 - 19 01
Hi!
If you're still looking for somebody else to read it, I'd love to. It sounds interesting and time-travel is a theme I really enjoy reading about. =] If you're interested, my MSN is topaza@hotmail.com
----------"God made everything out of nothing, but the nothingness shows through." --Paul Valery, poet and philosopher (1871-1945).
"I will regard the heavens, the air, the earth, the colors, shapes, sounds, and all external things as nothing but the deceptive g
75,178 / 50,000
Apr 13, 2008 - 05 31
Thank you very much for offering! :) I'll e-mail you straight away!
----------Characters killed: Adriana 90%, Mylanh 50% and Salín 20%
Quite pathetic heroes: 1
Stories writing themselves: 1
Best daily word count: 7062
Cups of tea consumed in the process: lost count
Total words since Nov 1: about 190k
31,684 / 50,000
Apr 14, 2008 - 12 00
I'd also be interested in critiquing if you still want people. My e-mail is fedearin@mtu.edu
----------*****
2007: Miss. Marin
75,178 / 50,000
Apr 16, 2008 - 07 44
Thanks very much! :) E-mail is on the way!
----------Characters killed: Adriana 90%, Mylanh 50% and Salín 20%
Quite pathetic heroes: 1
Stories writing themselves: 1
Best daily word count: 7062
Cups of tea consumed in the process: lost count
Total words since Nov 1: about 190k
31,684 / 50,000
Apr 17, 2008 - 21 18
Just sent you my review. Expect a bit of rambling on my part, but overall rave reviews!
EDIT: I just looked at your signature and realized that Salín was only 20% dead. I find that surprising. Also, if Mylanh ever makes it to 100% dead I will fly over the sea and cry drippy tears on you until you undo it. ^ . -
----------*****
2007: Miss. Marin
75,178 / 50,000
Apr 18, 2008 - 05 54
Your comments are *absolutely* invaluable! Thank you, thank you, thank you! And don't worry, I like Mylanh too much to ever kill him off completely... :)
----------Characters killed: Adriana 90%, Mylanh 50% and Salín 20%
Quite pathetic heroes: 1
Stories writing themselves: 1
Best daily word count: 7062
Cups of tea consumed in the process: lost count
Total words since Nov 1: about 190k