Ok. I feel very uncomfortable with posting my writings on the Internet, especially on communities to which I am not familiar. I'm always scared of theft. However I really want the comments of people here, people with experience, no my novel idea.
Also, I'd appreciate if any of you had title suggestions. I have problems thinking of one.
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Earthlings have forever been living in lies, believing they are the superior species of the world. However, unknown to them are two other races of beings. Beings invisible to the human eye. Fallen spirits and Hell pieces roam the lands of mankind, fighting what seems an endless war.
While one of the species has an unknown origin, the other lives in what man calls Heaven. Hell Pieces live to reek Havoc amongst humans, pitting them against each other. Fortunately for Earthlings, Fallen Spirits live for peace, making it their goal to exterminate the evil race, but wishing to stay unknown by humanity. Sending trained warriors from above, they strive to keep everything safe.
Dana, a young fallen spirit who lives to kill the opposing demons, wanders the lands of mankind. Although having left Heaven without proper training, Kaden, mysteriously a skilled spirit, travels along with her, teaching what he knows little by little.
Wishing to get revenge for the death of a beloved, mercy is not something she will give as she both battles and learns about the Hell Pieces.
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I'm not giving the most info I could, as I wish to keep some to myself. For safety reasons.
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52,832 / 50,000
Apr 29, 2008 - 12 07
As far as online communities go, I think you'll find the people here about a million times friendlier and more supportive than anywhere else on the Net. We're all in the same boat, as it were, so no trolls under this bridge. Jeez, but that's an awful mixed metaphor.
Reading through your synopsis, I've got a few questions:
You refer to the humans as Earthlings. Does this mean the setting is our own Earth, or another? If our own, is the setting contemporary, historical, or in the future?
By using the terms Fallen Spirits and Hell Pieces (the latter sounds interesting and unique) instead of the obvious Angels and Demons, you imply that they aren't quite what we'd expect from western mythology. Is that the case? If so, you might want to avoid using the word "demon" altogether.
If they're Fallen, that implies that they didn't leave Heaven of their own free will. Are there spirits who are authorized to come and go as they please? If Dana left Heaven without proper training, then what was that training for?
Having your lead character be untrained is good because it will let the reader learn the in's and out's of Fallen Spirit knowledge along with her. Beware letting Kaden turn into a generic Gandalf/Obi-Wan mentor, though. If his skills are "mysterious" then is his past a little shadier than the standard Wise Old Man character? That would be cool.
Best of luck with your book. There's actually a "Critique" Forum in the December and Beyond section where people offer up chapters and such for review. If you don't want to post online (which I'm not too comfortable with either) you can find people willing to novel-swap. I've been doing that with my own book for the last two months and it's been really helpful.
Cheers!
----------2007: One Night in Magadan
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“Writing is easy. You only need to stare at a piece of blank paper until your forehead bleeds” - Douglas Adams
51,243 / 50,000
Apr 29, 2008 - 12 34
It's okay to post stuff here! ;) This place is about a million times friendlier and safer than other online communities. They also have a very responsible staff of moderators here to! :) No worries! :)
"The Hidden Ones." :) First thing that came to mind!
0 / 50,000
Apr 29, 2008 - 16 57
I've got a few...
-The Unknown (or Unkowns)
-Invisible Sides
-Havoc and Harmony
Oh wow. I really liked that last one if I do say so myself.
Your story description sounds fascinating. I'd read that for sure. Why are the demons called Hell Pieces though? Are they pieces of hell (or some other fiery otherworld)? Are then fallen called thus because they fell to go fight the demons?
Hm. I guess it will all be answered in your story. Hope you eventually get a novel excerpt up. I'd love to read a bit of your story. PM me if you do.
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"I know we aren't friends or anything, but promise me something human to human." -Milton, The Electric Church by Jeff Somers
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Apr 29, 2008 - 19 59
Tycho Brahe: Wow. That's the kind of reply I didn't think I'd get, but have always wanted. As not only did it make me think of my story again, it made me feel reassured about it.
First of all, the story does happen on this earth, the earth we know, and in our time. I haven't really decided which part of the world it will be yet. Probably Canada.
You are correct about the terms. I use Fallen Spirit and Hell Pieces because I didn't want to simply call them "Angels" and "Demons". Also, they are not how many imagine them to be. Still, thanks for the advice on not calling them demons. Hadn't thought of it.
Now, about the use of "Fallen". When I chose to use that term, it was t imply that they were spirits that descended from Heaven onto Earth, not that they were sent out of Heaven against their will. Usually, spirits needs both authorisation from superiors and proper training to descend. However, Dana had neither of those. How did she get down without authorisation? Don't know yet. Still thinking.
And as for what training is for, it's basically to learn how to survive on Earth and to battle against Hell Pieces without causing too much damage to mankind's world.
About Kaden: Yeah. I've been reading lists of cliches and i really want to avoid that cliche as he'll be a very important aspect to the story. I plan on sparing quite a few pages along the novel to tell a part of his story, too, as I don,t plan on making him a typical character.
I'll also be sure to check out the critique section. Hadn't noticed it. Should be interesting.
IrishBeck: thanks for the title suggestions!
As for why they are called Hell Pieces...I know and don't know why. Basically, they are pieces of Hell, fighting for it (And for their own pleasure). You are right about the Fallen spirits.
Thanks a lot. Howevr, I'm still an amateur writer and although the story may have a good basic structure (I personally like the idea much more than any other I've ever had), the writing itself won't be as good as I hope it will be, probably.
52,832 / 50,000
Apr 30, 2008 - 12 00
Oh yeah, title suggestions... How's about "Hell Sent"
----------2007: One Night in Magadan
~~~~~~~
“Writing is easy. You only need to stare at a piece of blank paper until your forehead bleeds” - Douglas Adams
0 / 50,000
Apr 30, 2008 - 18 23
Interesting. Thanks a lot. I like it ^^