[TOPIC] bipolar experiences

Have you ever had a day when you just feel like everything is going right? You look good, you feel good, you seem to know the right things to say. You make people laugh, you feel flirty, you have all of these wonderful ideas. You can do anything, or be anyone you like. Maybe you will learn how to play the drums. You always wanted to do that. You're gonna go right home tonight and order yourself a drum kit off the internet. You download all of this information on how to teach yourself. It will be great. And you'll be able to make money by teaching other people. You can get a band together.
Also, you want to go traveling. Africa sounds good. You've always wanted to go- why is it you've never made plans before? How can you make some money quick? There must be something you can make and sell. You put down a deposit that afternoon even though you don't actually have enough money to cover rent today but that's okay you'll make it back in no time. You hit the shops too and grab a few things- that's what the credit card is for! Maybe a couple of drinks too. You meet up with your boyfriend and you feel fantastic, and you tell him all of your ideas, but he doesn't seem as enthusiastic as you. He just wants to talk about his day, whine about work. But that's alright, because you have ideas to solve all of his problems too. He keeps telling you to slow down. It's starting to irritate you a bit- it's as if he can't keep up with the conversation. What's wrong with him? You tell him about the trip you booked and now he gets annoyed because you were supposed to be saving up to go away together. He doesn't understand. You explain your master plan but he can't follow it and it's really annoying. You end up arguing because he's driving you mad.
You go out for a drink alone instead. You wouldn't normally but why not? Why shouldn't you have some fun. And you're on fire tonight, your confidence and your humour is enticing and all the strangers want to buy you drinks. They're all a bit merry from the alcohol so they don't seem to mind if you're doing most of the talking, and if you want to keep dancing until 4am. Everything is going really fast, you're moving fast and talking fast and thinking fast- your thoughts are going through your head faster than even you can express them. One guy asks you home with him and you say sure - it's harmless enough, just a bit of fun and you're invincible tonight, nothing can hurt you. He wants to get a taxi but you say you're okay to drive. You've had a few drinks but you're feeling sharper than ever- your senses are heightened and you've never been pulled over before so it wont happen tonight. He's tapping his fingers on the dashboard and it's driving you mad. Oh so mad. If he just does that one more time... the rage is building up so much that you stop the car and just get out and walk and the thoughts are coming so fast now you can't concentrate on where you are....

Ok, so this is a really extreme example and fortunately I've never been in that kind of situation, but it gives you an overview of how it feels. I have a rapid-cycling form of the illness which means I can swing from one extreme to the other over a couple of days - when I was younger it could all happen in hours. Hypomania is the best feeling in the world. You are confident and happy and smart and funny and it's just like the best day you ever had. It usually fades into mania which (for me at least) is not that pleasant. Your thoughts race and you are very restless, other people seem slow in comparison and make me very irritated. I do not want to be still for a moment. I start a million projects and then abandon them. I have unrealistic ideas. I don't think 'I want to go for a jog' I think 'I will begin training at once for the London marathon'. I don't think 'I like cooking' I think 'I could open my own restaurant'. The next day I will instead be retraining as a forensic scientist, or starting my own company making customized guitars. All things I could do with years of hard work, but when manic I truly believe I could achieve them in a couple of months. Not that my attention span is that long anyway. I need a lot less sleep (and can't sleep anyway, because of all these wonderful ideas) and I am too busy to eat. I have never put myself in a physically dangerous situation but I have come very close to quitting my job. Fortunately the full on mania is rare for me, and never lasts long. I hold down a full time job and have a successful marriage- I am lucky because for many people with the disorder this does not happen.
Also, I sometimes suffer a mixed episode which is a mixture of the symptoms of mania and depression. So, I might be restless and my thoughts might be racing, but at the same time I am suicidal and feel worthless.

You wanted to know about adolescence. For me the 'adult' symptoms started when I was seventeen or eighteen. But from about 14yrs old I would have 'downers' followed by periods of restlessness and intense anger, which I believe was the beginnings of it all. So something to remember- mania doesn't always have the nice feelings. But when it's nice, it is so very nice. This is why it can go undiagnosed- you don't go to the doctor when you feel great.

Thank you so much!

I have schizoaffective disorder, which is basically a disease somewhere on the spectrum between bipolar and schizophrenia.

I'm not sure if what I experience is really "mania" but I do have episodes that I describe as feeling manic. These times I can go for days with very little sleep, I talk very fast and stumble over my words because I can't get them out fast enough, I will get an idea and go crazy with it (for example, yesterday I decided that, with no running experience, I would run a marathon in May). No matter how unreasonable it seems I will come up with a way that it will be possible.

Sometimes I will go out and blow all of the money in my bank account because I feel like shopping and I'm sure I'll be able to earn it back. I'll start to clean my closet or my desk and get distracted and start something else, so that things are left undone all over the place -- or I'll decide to do something and spend nine hours picking things out of my rug because I don't feel like dragging the vacuum up the stairs.

Sometimes I just go out and run as hard as I can for as long as I can -- not stopping when I cross streets, just going. I don't know if this because I think I'm invincible or if I just don't care what happens to me.

Then, of course, there's the feelings of restlessness and not being able to sit still. There's this discomfort in my chest and sometimes it feels like the walls are closing in or the space is getting smaller and smaller, and I have to get out and go do something. Sometimes I'll be sitting in class and think I have to get out or I'm going to explode. I can't really describe the feeling; just this kind of intense need to be uncontained.

This is also when I'll call people I haven't talked to in ages, "just to chat," and set up all sorts of meetings and coffee dates. It's near impossible to get any work done or to concentrate at all, and I can't practice piano because I can't be sitting down for that long.

Don't know if that helps at all. Feel free to PM me if you have questions or want clarification on anything.

"you did what? for how long? for HOW many cocoa pebbles?!?"

JulNo 08 - Adagio (winner!)
Romantic encounters: 2
Fainting spells: 4
Fights with BFF: 2
Deaths: 3
Un-deaths: 1

Delusions of grandeur are common during mania. I don't feel comfortable revealing my own delusions, but I found this on youtube, which might be helpful.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q_XWa0BVcuw

2004: It's All About Choices (Fantasy, 13k)
2005: Plains On Fire(Fantasy, 50k)
2006: The Myth of Evolution (Biopunk Mystery, 50k)
2007: Human Worries (Fantasy Adventure, 51k)
2008: That Way Madness Lies (Science Fiction, 65k)

As an afterthought- I know this sounds silly, but listen to the Queen song 'Don't stop me now'. This is what hypomania feels like to me.

The Why Bird - just reading your first reply made my head swim! That's exactly how I get in my manias.

Most of the time I talk very fast, I change the topic of conversation about five times in a breath and still somehow manage to get back to what I was talking about originally as though I'd never stopped talking about it. I'll start a conversation mid sentence, so I'm the only one who knows what I'm on about.

I find in the worst of my manias I become promiscuous, even as young as 14 and more so in my late teens before I was put on medication. I would go with strangers, friends and even my friend's boyfriends and think nothing of it. "If they don't find out, it can' hurt htem" became my mantra. I'm lucky that none of my friends have ever found out, and I dread the day they do because I'm so ashamed of my behaviour and disregard for other people's feelings. But at the time I was the only thing that mattered, and getting what I wanted when I wanted it. I would think nothing of slipping out of school at breaks, lunches and free periods to go and have sex.

On the topic of medication - if anyone suggested there was something wrong with me (espeically my mum who is also bi-polar) I would flip out and insist I was fine, pushing me into a higher state of mania just to 'prove' that I'm ok. You think that there is nothing wrong with you, that you're just having a good day/week/month.

I'd also say the stupidest things as though it was something normal to say. For instance I found out a close friend was moving to Scotland (from the south of England) and everyone was really upset at this sudden upheaval and I nonchalantly said, "Well, if the plane crashes at least you know you'll have a lot of people at your funeral." I still cringe when I think about that.

In a hypermania it is perfectly normal for me to go 2-6 days without sleeping, because I'm either not tired or because my mind Is racing so fast I can't get any rest. I think that's one of the worst things - when your mind is going through so many thoughts so quickly, and most likely over and over. I could be thinking about one thing for three hours and then completely forget whatever conclusions I had drawn and start again. I could get headaches from it.

With the lack of sleep came the worst of my hallucinations. They're different for everyone - for example my mum see's solid objects turn into liquid, which as she rightly says is terrifying if you're out and suddenly there's no pavement. Me, I see creatures mostly - shadow creature with no real form, hiding and darting about the room, or whatever area I'm in. When I'm outside they'll be hiding behind things and darting out, rushing at me and then dissintigrating.

I couldn't sit still and even things that usually interested me I was bored with after a few moments because it was going too slow. It used to drive people mad that I was always tapping my fingers or a foot. And everyone and everything happened too slow. I'm usually a slow walker (short legs) but I'd be walking faster than the people that practically jogged instead of walking. I had unlimited amounts of energy and often would need to eat a lot to keep it up. That was when I remembered to eat. I once went a whole day without any food and wondered why I was ravenous.

Creatively I was always writing or drawing, and then hating whatever it was and throwing it away. I spent the majority of my lessons writing a novel instead of doing whatever I was meant to be doing, and because I looked busy no one questioned what I was doing. My grades suffered terribly for it.

I would easily fixate on things and research them thoroughly. Obsessions were easy to come by and dangerously fixed in my mind. For example I was introduced to Final Fantasy 7 during one of my manias. Not only did I start role-playing a number of characters, I was playing the games, reading about the games, creating profiles for the characters, theorising why they were portrayed in certain ways, reading fanfic when I should have been working. My school ended up blocking me out of the system without a teacher's permission because I would literally sit all day and forget about my lessons, just reading online. I got through 147 fanfics in a month between home and school.

I would buy things on a whim, even if I didn't really have the money to. I would grab all my money and go buy clothes, shoes, DVDs, jewellery. I still have some of the stuff unopened and unused because within a few hours of buying it I didn't want it or didn't like it.

Erm.. I can't really think of anything else without reliving it all in detail. In retrospect I wish I could go back and change everything I did during manias. I am intensely ashamed of the way I treated people and behaved, and thats a feeling I can never shake. Even as I'm writing this I'm cringing - everything I did was intensely out of character for me.

Heh, there seems to be more and more of these threads every year! I have type II

In the up form of Bipolar I am really overconfident; sort of believing everyone likes me or is attracted to me, that kind of thing.

I become very jittery and easily excitable. For Example a friend crept up behind me when I was bad and whispered boo! in my ear, I screamed then fell off my chair laughing. But also I can get really angry, sort of arguing and shouting at parents and teachers and acting violent towards friends because you feel they are acting against you behind your back, sort of paranoid and anxious.

The thought patterns are hard to describe, but its like a million watts of multicolored lights cascaded through your head to the sound of ten songs at once. I always carried a pen and paper with me in case any of these ideas were good. You also feel really elated and enlightened, like you know how everything works or you have the ultimate 'right' philosophy. I wondered into a road outside a takeaway yelling about this once :S You feel on top of the world, like you are special. Like Jesus perhaps?

Sometimes I hallucinate and 'tic' off as well.

That's all I can think of for now.

2006: Piracy!
2006: Simon
2007: Underground Open
2007: House of Sound and Fog
2008: The Cult of Charming Men
[IMG]http://img2.imageshack.us/img2/8077/mybannerglitterc1910c9b.gif[/IMG]

hehehehe "Don't Stop Me Now" would be a very accurate song, with the up and down tempos and the excitable energy...

It took me a long time to figure out I was bipolar, was medicated briefly in college.

My friend, we'll call her 'J', was also bipolar. Specific instances: Multiple steak dinners bought by one or the other on credit cards. Shopping outings for entire wardrobes. Purchase of a new car by J on a waitressing salary. I myself racked up $20,000 in debt during college on miscellaneous shopping sprees. I purchased 200 cds alone my freshman year. We both took long walks alone in the dark in dangerous places, overconfident perhaps in our abilities to protect ourselves. Mostly, we just didn't think anyone could or would hurt us. I frequently would walk across busy streets without more than a peremptory glance at passing traffic. I overdosed on caffeine one night, literally. I drank 3 large Mountain Dews, took 5 or 10 No-Doze type capsules, and an equal number of ginseng and then drank some coffee. I spent that night throwing up and praying I wouldn't have a heart attack because I was having pains in my chest and left arm. Got an excellent story out of it, though I missed the class I was frantically writing it for anyway b/c I was in bed recovering. I never studied for anything. I would start tasks and not finish them constantly. I would watch TV, listen to music, play solitaire, IM my friends and read a book semi-simultaneously, which absolutely drove my roommate nuts in college. I would stay up all night on fire with a really great book/story idea, that very seldom was finished. I don't sit still well even to this day. I have to be doing something, anything.

And I frequently would hallucinate as well. If you've ever seen "The Haunting" with Lili Taylor and Catherine Zeta Jones, the scene where the walls look like they're breathing was really creepily familiar to me. Also, the ground would undulate, almost like it was water, although I haven't seen that happen since high school (thank god). And no, I didn't take drugs then.

If you have other questions or would like to hear other anecdotes, PM me. J and I would both be happy to share stories. Some of them are even kind of funny now.

"The system gives you just enough to make you think that you see change. Then it sings you right to sleep and screws you just the same." - Ani DiFranco

I don't know about for other people, but for me it's something like this:
I can't sleep. My mind is buzzing, thoughts jumping from one to the next without having any connection. I want to travel, go somewhere random, run away from home, get something pierced, eat some toast, claw the skin from my arms with my fingernails, write numerous songs at 2am, reconstruct pacman out of cheese, hit things with other things, make a lot of noise, hit my head against a shower wall, take a long walk at night, try fifty new styles of eye makeup, itch the back of my head until it bleeds, drink a lot of coffee, chat incessantly to whoever will listen, jump in front of a train, paint my bedroom walls, go food shopping for things I'm never going to eat, or, quite simply, get so drunk I pass out and can have a nice sleep.

I was diagnosed Bipolar 2 (aka Hypomanic) about 5 years ago. In my assessment with the psychiatrist we went right back to childhood (like psychiatrists like to do...lol) and discovered that it is most likely I have been so since I was about 14. Since you are asking more about adolescent type experiences, I can tell you a bit about what I remember from my teen years that led to the psychiatrists conclusion.

Incredible ability to stay up for days and nights at a time (longest count was 6) without running out of steam. Not like insomnia - where one might have a desire to sleep but can't -but rather like a constant will/desire to just keep on truckin'. Very enjoyable - in fact the only time I ever really noticed (outside of sunrise and sunset) that I hadn't slept was when my father discovered I had been doing this and thought there was a problem - to which I became incredibly angry and yelled many bad things at him (which, incidently, was very out of character for me even with the teen moodiness). During these times I was incredibly productive with any and every project I could take on/dream up thereby encouraging the desire to stay awake....finished many assignments ahead of time - rarely got good grades though unless the assignment was completed at the beginning of a cycle.

As mentioned earlier, very easily angered. This remains today. Contrary to the "la dee da look at me I'm having so much fun" symptom I expected to be associated with a hypomanic state, it seems that the times I would get incredibly sensitive and show unpredictable outbursts of anger (even without the marathon wake sessions) were also indications of mania. I never would have associated that negative trait with the traditional belief of what a manic episode might be like until it was explained to me by the doc.

Can't really comment on the med issue as an adolescent since I wasn't diagnosed until I was in my 30's.

Hyper-sexuality which reared its horrible head in sexual promiscuity. This didn't really show up until I was about 16, but once it did it really didn't matter to me who I was with or where I was. I thank God today that I never ended up with more than one mild case of a curable STD. This was all around the time that the "first officially diagnosed case of Aids" became known in Canada. It had long lasting effects emotionally though - as in my older years I became a bit numb to the idea of sexual activity.... : (

And as others have also said - lack of continuous train of thought. I could think one great big run on sentance for an hour and cover who knows how many topics without coming to any conclusion on any one of them. At the time my dad chalked it up to "teenage hormones". It died down for a while in my late 20s but it reappeared a week before my diagnosis and scared the crap out of me because I was travelling to an appointment an hour away and by the time I got there I couldn't remember how I got there because my thoughts were so --- dominating (?? can't find the right word) --- that I didn't notice anything else on the way. (er...case in point - that last sentance.....didn't really connect either probably...sorry.) Incidently that leads me directly to the next factor....albeit out of adolescent territory again...

....intense need for speed.!! The trip should have taken me an hour - at about 100km an hour. It took me 40 minutes. I had no clue what speed I was going but it clearly was too dang fast! Those two point are what brought me to the doctor for an assessment. I didn't drive when I was a teen though, which is probably a good thing considering....

And to differentiate between Bipolar 1 and Bipolar 2: Bipolar 1= what might be considered 'classic' bipolar disorder. Extreme highs and extreme lows. With Bipolar 2 the highs aren't generally quite as high but the lows can be just as extreme - even to the point of suicidal ideation. With 2 one wouldn't necessarily think they are God or jump off a building believing they could fly, but engage in slightly less manic activities - such as the speeding, and constant and broken thought processes. I disagree with my doctor that one doesn't generally have 'delusions of grandeur' with bipolar 2 though - because although I haven't ever believed myself to be any kind of superhero or deity, I have most certainly had occassions where I have been convinced all the people around me (like waiting in line at the theatre) were there for ME; and that I am 'the absolute smartest person' in the entire world but nobody knows it except me (yet). I have also been convinced I could "will" somebody to have things happen to them (good or bad) because I'm "soooo great" that I have all power to do these things.

...and just to clarify, I AM currently medicated. The one thing I learned from my (schizophenic) mother NOT EVER taking her meds is the negative impact it has on the family. So I have a picture of her taken during a schizophrenic episode that I taped inside my med cabinet to remind me when I open it up why it's important to take my meds....because in all honesty, I do have many experiences where I tend to believe I'm "all better" and don't want to take any more.

Too much info????

Oooh, I have A LOT about this. What I'm reading is mostly about the happy, hyper, top-of the world part of mania...but there is also a major downside of it as well. When I'm manic I get extremely irritable and angry at the the rest of the world, because they are just TOO SLOW. I yell, I scream, I tell EVERYONE that I am sooo much better than they are. But, when I get angry, I turn all my energy into humiliating who I'm angry at. Because I'm bipolar AND schizophrenic, my mania triggers my schizo. There was a 6 month period of my life where I thought I was going to save the world. After long episodes, mostly schizo, though, I usually don't remember much of what happened.
If you have any questions, feel free to ask me =]

I have Bipolar 1 Disorder with Psychotic Tendencies. And yes, it's about as fun as it sounds. And as scary. I didn't start experiencing symptoms until summer 2006, just before my senior year of college. Perfect timing (NOT!!) My symptoms persisted for 6 months, before I finally decided to get help. My symptoms included: hearing things. Not just voices, cause I heard those. But animal noises, foghorns, and other sounds, and they'd be right by my ear. They wouldn't be far away, they'd be REALLY close and I would always look for the source but never find it. Then I became paranoid. I had my own dorm room and my friends lived in the room right across from me.

It got to the point where I didn't want to get dressed in front of my mirror. There was a vent above it and I was POSITIVE there was a camera in the vent. And the vent faced the room, towards my bed. So I wouldn't undress in front of the vent, I wouldn't do anything in front of the vent. I would change in my closet, turn off the light, and crawl into bed. And even then I thought I was being watched. You don't know how many times a day I would check that vent for a camera. After seeing a psychiatrist, she told me to cover up the vent (DUH!) so I wouldn't have to worry about the fear of being watched. It worked.

Another symptom was that I would blank. I would be having a conversation and my mind, it's hard to describe, but it would just fog over. And not like light fog, it would be covering every synapse in my brain. I could think, but it would take about 10 minutes for thoughts to make sense to me. I found out it's called dissociatting. Not fun. I still have that issue to this day, but not as bad. At times it felt as if I were watching myself interact with the world around me. In order to stop the fog from taking over now, all I do is begin to pinch myself. I have to force my body and mind to register the pain and quickly. If I do this in front of people, even friends who know what's going on, I get strange looks.

I normally don't have MAJOR swings, mainly because I'm very well medicated and very scheduled. So it's hard for me to get out of sorts. But when something changes, I can tell.

Mainly because I get angry faster. And I never get angry. But when I'm manic (mainly in the spring time) I have no patience with anything or anybody. At all. I yell, I get frustrated, and in general I act like a spoiled teenager.

And then I LOVE to go out and have fun. I can't wait to go out and do things. I can't sit around the house. I have to be busy. I'll do a ton of chores, then get ready to go out with friends. If my friends aren't available, no issue, I'll do something by myself.

Not only that, but I'll go out drinking. Normally, this isn't a huge problem for me cause I know how ot control myself. But when I'm manic and I get invited to a bar (I live in small town Texas, where drinking is a way of life), then I drink way to much and make a fool of myself on the dance floor. And I don't care. I just want to have fun and get the energy out of my body.

And I'm hardly ever tired. I'll stay up late and wake up early. Or start sleeping at odd hours. But I'm never drop dead tired like I get in my depression stage.

Also when I'm up, I spend WAY too much money. I actually got to the point, where I handed my debit and credit cards to my mom and tried to just spend cash. Yeah, didn't really work, cause I worked at a bank, so I got my money out without my card. But when I'm up, I spend money and don't even care. It just doesn't phase me at all. At some point in time I'll realize I'm spending too much money, but I can't stop spending money. It's almost like a compulsion to impulse buy.

And whoever said that the Queen: Don't Stop Me Now song was a good example is right. It's perfect. When the beat gets going you just can't stop moving. You have to go fast. You have to laugh and laugh the loudest. You have to get whatever is inside you out. When I'm manic, some part of my body is always moving. Always. A foot tapping, a finger moving, just something to stay active. I have to move. And I do get strange ideas when I'm manic.

I have to do this now. I will decide that I can lose weight quickly. I'll start excersing and I'll do this for an hour every day for a week, and then I stop and move on to wanting to play the guitar or something. I've had sex in my manic stages. And, not to sound crass or anything, but at that point, the rougher the sex was, the better it seemed. And afterwards, the guy fell asleep, but I stayed up the rest of the night and didn't sleep till maybe midnight the next night. I wasn't tired. And I didn't feel guilty of anything. I had no feelings of this is wrong.

I don't feel like anything is wrong when I'm manic. I may think "hey I need to slow down." or "hey, maybe I shouldn't be doing this." but it literally flies in one ear and out the other.

Hope that helps. Feel free to use any or all of it.

Megan

"Where has that old friend gone? Lost in a February Song."-Josh Groban

So many thanks to everyone who has responded. It all sounds very scary. And expensive! I'm going to chuck a couple more questions on, because I'm greedy. How do you go with making/keeping friends, while trying to deal with everything else? And what kind of medication is prescribed, how well does it work, how does it make you feel, etc?
The pressure's on now, to make this story/character awesome, just as a homage to you guys.

From the other end of things, my father, one of my sisters and much of my father's side of the family are bipolar. It's a family-trait in our case. Anyways, having been in close to proximity to bipolar people all my life, just some things I've picked up:

-Those who are bipolar in mania, when they are in the company of another bipolar person in depressive, get very irritated that the person is not happy--everything's going well. Why aren't they happy?

-It's like they're on a special mission. In mania, they can go with two hours of sleep and be perfectly fine (where in depressive stages, they're needing about 10-12 hours).

-It's kind of hard for the people around: because you have to kind of gauge who's in what "mode" today (because the moods can be long or short), and kind of adjust the behavior accordingly. And when my dad's in manic, and my sister's in depressive, (or vice verse) that can be a challenge.

-My sister and my dad have gotten in some of the biggest fights. It's unbelievable. No offense to bipolar people, but let's just say that Thanksgiving on that side of the family can be a little bit...wow. Doesn't help that besides my immediate family, they're all alcoholic and abusive as well (because of our religion, my immediate family doesn't drink).

Nano 2005: Legend of Jael (Won)
Nano 2006: Diary in the Attic (Won)
Nano 2007: Reel Smuggling (Won)
Nano 2008: Those We Lost (A challenge, but it will work--I've got a winning pattern happening)

Ahhh...ok, just general living with Bipolar.

Most of my friends couldn't and still can't tell I'm Bipolar. Though I have one who knows when I'm in manic mode or depression mode. In manic, she knows she can get me to do anything. So usually we go to the bar and have a blast. And she loves spending that time with me. Cause I'm HAPPY and generally enjoying life. I'm bouncing and everything. But I try to avoid my sister, who will literally make me scream when I see her name on my caller id.

As for depression, most of my friends live out of town now, so it's hard for them to spend time with me, but they always pick up the phone or try to visit so I'm not stuck with just my family.

Umm...I haven't had a problem keeping friends since I've been diagnosed and I have a hard time making friends in the first place. So if I make a new friend, I just don't tell them. I'm not ashamed or anything, but it tends to make people skittish. Trust me, I've had a few boyfriends who knew and kind of wigged out a bit.

Medications are another matter. I'm on 5mg of Abilify. It's a mood stabilizer and without insurance can cost about $450. And 5mg is the lowest dose of Abilify there is. But Abilify is great for making the mania more managable and not as crazy. I take it all year long and will take it the rest of my life (otherwise I screw myself over). During my depression stages, I add Wellbutrin 150mg to it. That's an anti-depressant and it totally rocks.

But I can't take an anti-depressant without the mood stabilizer, otherwise I have a psychotic episode and end up in a mental ward. Not fun. So it's a balancing act.

As for how well the medication works, it works very well. The only problem I've ever had is with the side effects. I have to take my Abilify in the morning, mainly cause it keeps me awake. The anit-depressant tends to make me a bit drowsy, so that's taken at night.

Megan

"Where has that old friend gone? Lost in a February Song."-Josh Groban

Making friends is easy. Keeping friends is harder.
in high school I made some great friends who would try their damndest to keep me stable. At times it included literally sitting on me (sitting on my lap) to stop me jumping on the tables in the cafeteria. Too much coffee all the time did not help matters. There is the major fact that you often say things you would NEVER normally say out loud, and when you think about them afterwards...well you just want to crawl into a hole. There is a LOT of embarrassment that follows a manic episode, especially as a teenager who wants to make a good impression. I was generally considered WIERD...something my friends actually found quite entertaining and endearing as they were all a bit WIERD too! :0)

Medication - I wasnt properly diagnosed as a teenager and was prescribed an anti-depressant, which, after a few years, I researched and found that it actually CAUSED heightened mania and shouldnt be given to bipolar people. I couldn't understand why I was medicated but still acting like a "crazy person".
After a few yrs i had self diagnosed and in a brief moment of stability - found a dr and listed off all my symptoms and was put on a different med. After a few years and many different meds with varying levels of success (mostly no success) I actually started taking sodium valproate which is an epileptic medication - which recent research has shown is effective in managing bipolar. I had great success with it and was able to wean my dosage down.

When I was on the previous meds, I HATED them with a passion and wanted to stop taking them. Often I would stop taking them for a few weeks, hit rock bottom, and go back on them. What I hated the most was that they made me feel lethargic (I am a very energetic person - byproduct of bipolar) and it slowed my thinking. I am aware that even now I think at a pace that is much faster than your average person. The meds always made me feel slow and dumb. My creativity dried up and I felt like a shell of my "better" self. After a while i would decide that I was better off dealing with the occasional mania because it was better than being kept in chains with my mind under house arrest.

I have to mention one other byproduct of bipolar which I havent seen mentioned much - OBSESSION. I would become fixated on things from a young age. When I was 12 I became obsessed with Rocky Horror. I watched the movie at least twice a day. I wrote out the entire script from watching the show. I taped the soundtrack and listened to it all the time, took a book of the script with me everywhere I went etc. This remained one of the strongest symptoms of my bipolar from a young age until I was about 22.

Just as a side note - Bipolar was good for me in ways. I dont ever wish I wasnt bipolar. It has made it easier for me to learn and remember 4 languages fluently. It has meant top scores all through high school and university with what felt like minimal effort (staying up all night the night before a deadline was nothing for me). Despite the great amounts of embarrassment I caused myself over the years...when I was manic I was so outgoing - made so many friends quickly.

Buuut...I can't forget the downsides...seeing as you are interested in teenagers...as a teen the biggest issues were: saying things I totally regretted; promiscuity; getting far too drunk far too often; thinking I was invincible and nothing ould really go wrong; pissing off my friends (happened a LOT)

HTH (sorry so long)

Friends: It depends. Before my diagnosis - when I was a teenager - I was much too shy to make friends. The only ones I had I sort of got by accident- like the kids of my parents friends when they would come over, or the kid I was paired with for a huge assignment that made us spend every waking hour together. The friendship thing changed when I started taking meds - first for depression (again the bipolar had not been diagnosed yet) I was prescribed Prozac and it was as though someone had given me a new personality! I was outgoing, and confident - all the things I never was as a teenager. (More on the meds later.... ) . These days, the friends I have fall into 2 categories. The first category consists of those that know about my illness and often see stuff coming before I do; these are sometimes people I have actually met in different ways because of my illness - like through support groups and a mentall illness organization I belong to. The second category consists of those that 'know' I am 'sick' but don't know (or want to know) enough about it to bother with it. They can be more difficult because they often personalize stuff I do when I'm in an extreme mood - like when I'm depressed I withdraw from the world and some of these friends get very angry with me telling me I'm a bad friend because I'm "self-absorbed' over 'silly things' that I should just 'buck up and get over'. Needless to say, I don't see them very much. But I do understand that they don't 'get it' and try to let go...

It's hard to juggle friends and 'other stuff' when things are on the down swing. I tend to hermitize myself and more than just my friends get left undone. But when I'm in a manic state I often accomplish a lot both logistically in my life, and with my friendships - because I'm more social when I'm manic. So I guess it depends on which extreme I'm dealing with.

As for the medication. As I mentioned before, my initial diagnosis was clinical depression and the doc prescribed Prozac. Bit controversies with that med, but it worked fine for me. The side effect however caused marital issues with intimacy (decreased libido) so then the doc added Wellbutrin to counter act the other. The two worked well together and all was roses. After the bipolar diagnosis nobody changed the other two meds, (because they needed each other - I suppose) instead they just added one more. So now I take Epival (Depakote) for the swings. It's supposed to be a 'mood stabilizer' which I am told basically just keeps me 'normal' without any tranquilizing or numbing effects (as some of the other bipolar meds supposedly do...but I don't know which ones). I have also been lucky with those. I have never had have a medication 'changed' (as far as brand goes) but once in a while they have to up or down the Epival dosage - which has been happening more frequently since I started menopause.

I thing the best thing to remember regarding meds though, is that what works for one person will not necessarily work for another. Some people experience very serious and terrifying side effects to meds that work fine for others. So one can't just tell the doctor which med she wants - (unlike the commercials infer...lol). The doctor needs to take a very thorough history before prescribing stuff.

Incidently - giving a character a med that ends up making their symptoms worse before getting them re-evaluated could make for quite some drama-filled moments......

Hope that helped a bit. You can email/PM me if you need clarification....: )

I was diagnosed as bipolar 2 (hypomania) when I was 16 (I'm 25). I haven't seen a psychologist on a regular basis since I was 18, but last time I checked in with him (two years ago) he stood by his original diagnosis. As an adult, I've remained either unmedicated or only taken an SSRI (Zoloft) without ever experiencing a manic episode. I don't believe that I'm actually bipolar. I may be in denial, but the perception of oneself as NOT bipolar is a pretty common BPD personality trait, so you may want to work it into your story :)

"Bipolar" behaviors toward the manic end spectrum I displayed as a teenager: skinny dipping, starring in an amateur soft core porn, posting naked pictures of myself online, binge drinking, pot smoking (at least according to my shrink...), running away from home (impulsively), overdosing on caffeine, taking large amounts of prescription/non-prescription drugs on a regular basis (never enough to require medical attention), frequent sex with an older man who was in a committed relationship with someone else, insomnia, involuntary bulimia (i.e. throwing up because of "nerves"), a tendency towards flashing/taking off my top, chain smoking, etc.

Mostly bad judgment. Bad judgment in teenagers usually = sex and drugs. I also should include self-injury, although (for myself) that was always kind of mixed between hypomania and depression. What would make it hypomanic (I guess) was my tendency toward drama. i.e. Breaking a glass bottle and using that to cut. Or methodically making a "bracelet" of cigarette burns on my arm while in a public place. Also, I mostly cut when I was angry rather than sad.

Medication... I could go on and on about the medications used to treat BPD in teenagers... but I'll be brief:

-Lithium made me fat, thirsty, and required frequent blood tests.

-Depakote also caused weight gain and made me extremely tired/sluggish.

-Zyprexa made me dizzy, extreme fatigue/zombie like, more weight gain. EXTREME fatigue... I did little other than sleep, both in and out of school.

-Geodon made me hallucinate.

-Zoloft was not prescribed to me as a teenager with a BPD diagnosis. When I took it later in life, I would hallucinate at too high a dose.

Other than Zoloft, none of these medications ever made me more psychologically "stable," which is probably why I was prescribed all of them in a span of less than two years. Most of the behaviors on my list I didn't engage in until AFTER I was medicated, so it's doubtful they did anything to curb hypomania. Mostly they just made me more depressed. All of the psychiatrists who treated me (and there were a few, inpatient and outpatient) agreed that it was too "dangerous" to treat my depression.

I would characterize my hypomania as a teenager (if that's what it was) as mostly "dark." I was usually in a bad mood. The only difference between hypomania and depression was whether or not I had the energy/will to move, act, do things. It was more of a dysphoria than a euphoria. I was also diagnosed with a "possible thought disorder" after I disassociated during a traumatic sexual experience when I was 17... once you get one psych label as a teenager it's hard to avoid getting a ton more (e.g. at one point I also had OCD and narcissistic personality disorder).

I hope this helps. There's some debate as to how accurate a diagnosis of BPD can be in a child or teenager. It's probably also relevant to note that if a teenager IS diagnosed as BP, odds are she'll be in weekly/bimonthly therapy sessions in addition to seeing a psychiatrist for meds, plus her school is likely to be involved.

I have never been a social person and am terrible at making friends in the first place so I'm probably the worst person to ask that... BUT. During a mania I'll talk to anyone and everyone and have made some great friends through that. Unfortunately through depressions and hypermania - the sheer stress of my actions on other people - has ended so many of them. I either didn't want to talk to anyone, was intensely clingy, or would simply forget they existed. When my friends went off to uni and I broke up with my boyfriend I literally had no one. I had my mum and I had Dani. That was it. To be honest, that's pretty much the way it still is. I have many aquaintences but only one friend (and my mum lol). No offence to my online friends but I don't count them in this because they don't have to live with me through the bad times and I can easily hide it when I'm on a computer. In short, I haven't managed to juggle it at all. Or I simply haven't made the right friends.

I've been on Seroquel, Prozac, something thats the same as prozac bar 1 ingredient (I can't remember the name for the life of me) and Lamotragine.
Seroquel (depakote) made me tired all the time. I slept 20ish hours a day, and the rest of the time I was in a thick fog. Thick pea-souper. I couldn't write, I couldn't draw, I could hardly read. I just slept and watched TV, and half the time I couldn't tell you what the heck I was watching AS I was watching it. Oh, and because of my inactivity and the effect of the tablets anyway, in 2 years I put on 3 stone (thats a lot of pounds XD).

Prozac made me feel ill and more depressed, the Prozac-like tablets (semi-sodium valporate?) I assume kept me out of a depression but I was taking them with Seroquel so to be honest I wasn't really aware of anything.

I was allergic to Lamotragine. I lost my jawline, that entire area of my face and neck swole up and was like it for about a week. I had a sore throat and I felt physically sick. Needless to say after the reaction to ONE tablet I never took them again and its now in my medical notes to never give it to me.

Lithium is what my psych. wants to put me on. However even on the lowest dose everyone in my family gets lithium poisoning. When my mum tried it I spent the entire night watching her and calling the NHS hotline. They asked if I could get her to an emergency room, but I was 15 and unable to drive (let alone I didn't know how) and I was the only person in the house and there was no one I could call to take us. They wouldn't send an ambulance and just told me to watch her incase she got worse and then call them back ¬_¬

Because I'm on benefits I didn't have to pay for my medication, thankfully. Otherwise my prescriptions would have cost £5-8 a month (that is the NHS basic I believe). My mum doesn't have to pay because she has a special certificate as she will always be taking medication. For whatever reason I was never given one of those certificates, so I was lucky I was on incapacity benefits. Of course right now I'm not on medication so I don't have to worry about costs right now.

As a side note, I was on sick pay so I wouldn't have to look for a job because I was physically unable to leave the house on my own to get to the Job Centre, and if I was to get an interview and eventually a job I would have fallen apart in any case. After three months I was individually assessed by one of their own psychiatrists that signed me off for 2 years and put me on incapacity benefits.

Anything else? Lol ;)

Gods I'd almost forgotten about my online antics until I read that. Oh god *sighs* Yup, my webcam was well used and every male I knew had (and possibly still have) a very clear image of what I look like without my clothes. And yes, I would find the undescribable urge to lift my top to people, or simply taking it off.

Also at first I was completely convinced there was nothing wrong with me and it was the usual teenage blues that everyone gets (even when I was hallucinating I could rationalise it). Now I just accept it - though my psych is currently mid changing his mind which type I have. And I wouldn't know this if I didn't ask to receive a copy of letters he sent to my GP.

And thank goodness someone else had the same reaction to depakote that I did. My psych still thinks that I made it up so I didn't have to take the tablets. Its a "symptom" that a person believes therefore becomes real. Apparently. It is a "common misconception" that tablets can have that kind of effect, make you look and feel like a zombie. Still, I can actually stay awake for 14 hours rather than 4 now.

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My psychologist at the time (my psychiatrist was a stupid asshole who I wouldn't talk to) seemed to think that my reaction to Depakote was fairly common... and he sees a large population of bipolar patients.

As other here have mentioned, it is quite common to have to change medications cause the side effects are horrible. I've never had to change my meds...I've been lucky in that respect. But I've had friends who had to change meds often because the side effects or the toxcity levels.

Lithium is one medication where you have to be tested often to see if you've reached a toxic level of it. I believe the reason (and if you've been on it and you know more about this, feel free to correct me) is because it builds up in your system and just stays there.

I've never had to change my meds...yet. But I do have the potential for some great (note the sarcasm) side effects. You can go to the Abilify website (www.abilify.com) and find a whole list of them. One of them is muscle spasms. This may seem innocent, but apparently after a few years of taking Abilify, one may begin to have muscle spasms that make you look like you have Parkinsons (as one of my psychiatrists described it).

Megan

"Where has that old friend gone? Lost in a February Song."-Josh Groban

Hey... I'm doing some research on BPD for a WIP (not my NaNo project), in which one of my MCs develops BPD. Briefly, he's always been a sort of quiet, creative writer type and has had some mild depression, but in grad school he falls in love and his mood trends up. He spends about 6 mo. in hypomania, maybe a week or two in a full-blown manic phase, garnished with some sleep-deprivation-induced hallucinations. Sound fakey to anybody?? I may not get back to this novel until after November, but I would absolutely LOVE to have some buddies to read over scenes with this character and tell me what I'm getting right/wrong about it.

BPD runs in my family. My grandmother had it. My sister was diagnosed with BPD about 8 years ago, when she was 28, but she'd been having symptoms since she was about 16. She seems to spend most of her time in a depressive phase, and as far as I know has only had one major manic episode, which lasted about four months while she was 20, away at college, and during which she taught herself basic German and French, and produced a flurry of art and sculpture, all of which she later destroyed as being "crap." This phase ended with her being unable to sleep for four days in a row, and hearing the voices of Celtic gods and goddesses in her head. (And no one was able to identify this as a hallucinatory manic episode until 8 years later? I still can't believe that.) She hasn't been on medication since she got pregnant (despite being on the pill) -- my nephew is now four years old -- and probably won't agree to go on any, since she's terrified of gaining weight. Not to mention that she and her husband don't have health insurance and couldn't afford medication in the first place...

I had some general questions for you kind people generous enough to share your experiences: As you look back at the early stages, did you generally experience depression before you noticed mania/hypomania? Which phase do you generally spend more time in? Has anyone had extended periods (6 months plus) of calm or so-called "normal" moods, particularly while on medication? THANKS!!!!

(Please Nanomail me if you might be willing to serve as a BPD "expert" at some point. Obviously, this would be something I'd get to later, probably in early 2009.)

Looking back I honestly can't remember a time where I wasn't one extreme or the other, but I tend to spend more time lower than normal, rather than higher. However when I do go into mania (and not just general mood swings, which can last for hours - it isn't unusual for me to have a significant change more than three times a day) it lasts a long time. My longest has been two years.

I don't think I've ever had a "normal" mood for more than maybe a fortnight, on or off medication.

-------------------

I'm just curious, for those who are Bipolar... have any of you seen Takin' Over the Asylum? It's available on Youtube if you haven't (it's old, made some 15 years ago, but it's available on DVD now finally). I was just wondering how accurate you thought the Campbell Bain character was. I'm a huge fan of the program (and of the now-famous actor portraying him) but I've never heard the opinion of someone who actually suffers from Bipolar.

I've never actually been diagnosed... (I refuse to go to a doctor...I don't want to face a weaker perception of self, don't want to become dependent on a drug, am afraid they'll erase my personality, et cetera.) However, I have my up and my down moments.
Being a (not that long) life-long curmudgeon, my 'ups' come more in the form of determination, and they don't last that long. When in the grip of them, I get up, I move about excessively, swing my 'wall-ware' katana about like an imbecile, I do some exercises and swear to myself that I will keep on them, or inflict some form of (non-physical) punishment upon myself, such as abstaining from smoking that night (my hookah and I are near inseparable)... These are usually triggered by an intense desire to escape, at work springs to mind, especially working the night shift.

To answer your other volley of questions, I was kind of a hyper, annoying child, until about fourth grade. Depression edged into nearly everything I did. I'd have days when I was so focused on something that depression couldn't grab on, so I'd say I noticed depression first..
I can't say I've had calm seas for any real length of time, people around me are surprised if I'm not severely down at least one day out of the week.
... and as I've not been to a therapist, I know nothing of how any medicine would affect me

I hope this helps.

$5 to the first person that guesses the origin of my user name.

There is a new drug out there called abilify; it seems to stop some of the irritability.

I'm not bipolar, therapist. I see teenagers. One of the things we see most is the impulsive behavior and irritability.

There is a version called rapid cycling which is very disturbing. You will see someone shifting from up, feeling very sexy or smart or whatever to irritable to sobbing possibly self injurious in hours.

Also medications are very very personal. Some meds work great for some people and are aweful for others.

The relationship of the therapist/psychiatrist/school/family is immensely important to the adaptations of the adolescent with bipolar.

Depending on the extremes and frequency of the mood swings once on meds the person might function quite well.

The other thing I hear a lot is that clients hate the medications because they make the client feel living in a bubble or sort of in cotton wool. They feel "slowed" it takes time often to adapt to the medicaton.

Takin' Over the Asylum is great! And so is David Tennant! They only show the manic side of Campbell, though. Not even that, because he's medicated. In fact, the only manic episode shown on the show was actually faked, but that fake episode was spot on. I've been like that more than once.

As for "normal" moods, I have them all the time. I used to have 3-4 episodes a year, now I'm not as stressed so I have 1-2, and the rest of the time I'm more or less normal. I'd say I spend half the year being normal. Not too bad.

Of course, I might be wrong. When I'm hypomanic instead of manic, I don't usually notice...

2004: It's All About Choices (Fantasy, 13k)
2005: Plains On Fire(Fantasy, 50k)
2006: The Myth of Evolution (Biopunk Mystery, 50k)
2007: Human Worries (Fantasy Adventure, 51k)
2008: That Way Madness Lies (Science Fiction, 65k)

Haha you make a good point. I suppose I should have said was it indicative of a medicated Bipolar sufferer :) Although I noticed he does go a bit manic in places prior to the fake episode. Moments when he's raving about getting jingles done and such. One line from it has always struck me; "Inspired is when you think you can do anything. Manic... is when you know it".

Exactly! I wanted to mention that line but I couldn't remember it. That's exactly how being manic feels like.

2004: It's All About Choices (Fantasy, 13k)
2005: Plains On Fire(Fantasy, 50k)
2006: The Myth of Evolution (Biopunk Mystery, 50k)
2007: Human Worries (Fantasy Adventure, 51k)
2008: That Way Madness Lies (Science Fiction, 65k)