[TOPIC] Catholics

I am a lapsed Catholic - went to Catholic school til I graduated high school but I lapsed as an adult.

If they are very strict Catholics they probably use the 'rhythm method' of birth control - it relies on the wife knowing when she is fertile. If they don't want to have children they would be abstaining from marital relations on those days. And since it is pretty easy to make a mistake, if both are fertile, they probably have a child or two. Abortion probably would not enter their minds. (Contraception devices such as condoms aren't allowed. If you wanted to add some conflict make her have abnormal monthly periods and her doctor recommend that she go on the Pill to regularize them.).
They would be going to Mass every week. When I was still going to Mass you could go on Saturday evenings to fulfill your Sunday obligation. They would likely be attending confession at frequent times as well. Chances are they would put money in the collection basket at Mass every week when they are at their own parish. (If they were at Mass on holiday it might just be a token amount). They would probably take Communion at Mass. If they were extremely strict then they might attend Mass on holy days of obligation also. However since these normally fall on weekdays it might be a problem fitting the observance into a working day.

I hope this helps some!

I'm a devout Catholic, and have a few differences with what the previous poster said.

-While contraception is not okay, there are more accurate methods of natural family planning than counting days ie the rythem method. They include the billings ovulation method (which is accurate to 99% to prevent pregnancy.) Also, these methods can be used in reverse...you predict when you are fertile and it can help you have a child. Some couples who have trouble are actually just not timing things right.

-Most parishes I've found have Masses on Holy Days that work with someone's work schedule. Late night, early morning, lunch hour, etc.

Then I have a few other things to add.

-They might teach at their church.

-One of their childern may end up called to religious life (priest, sister, brother).

For the frame of mind of people like this (I grew up in a strictly catholic environment), you should know that all humans are sinners, main words are "humility" and "repent". Only the love of god can save you from purgatory or hell, no matter how good you try to be in your life. You are expected to be grateful for everything nice that happens, because it's a gift from god, but never question the bad things, because god knows better. If you did something right, it was with the help of god, I you did something wrong, it was your own fault, sinner that you are. (If that sounds bitter, yes I am...)

The following is probably regionally different, but in some places, Holy Mary is emotionally much more revered than Jesus or God. In that case, your catholic women definitely need to say a rosary every night and whenever they feel in doubt or in danger.

As for being involved in church, strictly speaking, women aren't. For some years now, girls have been allowed to "serve" during mass like boys (couldn't find the english word for it, it's "Ministranten" in german), but strict Catholics still don't think that's right. Priests are unmarried, as you probably know, so if it is a small place and the priest doesn't have his own house maid, the women of the community take turns in bringing him meals everyday and keeping the house clean. They could sing in a choir or organize church events, but that's about it.

I could go on for a while, but it would probably be easier if you ask specific questions.

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...besucht mich in der Einschicht

I think my MC is going to be practicing, but I think she's just going to be going through the motions...sort of a closet bitter Catholic. She's doing what she's supposed to do because she's supposed to do it, but she doesn't have much faith.

You guys have all ready given me a couple ideas ...

Thanks!

Re: Catholic guilt: Oh good god, yes. There is. I'm from an Irish Catholic family, but I've known since I was about five that Catholicism just didn't feel right to me. I didn't feel any sort of special connection to God through the Church, I just got more people telling me what to do. I went to a Catholic high school, but all that did for me was help me understand why I'm very, very much not Catholic (I'm pagan-agnostic, if it matters; I believe in my particular goddess but I have no proof that any of the others do or do not exist so I'm polite to them all just in case).

But I feel terrible if I even think about doing anything that would make anyone the slightest bit unhappy. I grew up with this weird contradiction where my mom is pretty feminist and really encouraged my sister and I to go after whatever we wanted to do, but taught us to be Nice Catholic Girls. "Nice" in our family is the same as "doormat" in everyone else's--put absolutely everyone's needs ahead of yours, and if you express an opinion or desire that contradicts someone else's, just suck it up, because saying "me first" is selfish. Disappointing anyone is the worst thing you can do.

I've been working on it, because you have to be a little selfish and mean to keep people from walking all over you. I've developed a reputation as the family bitch because I say what I think and consider "I don't want to" to be a perfectly good reason to not do a favor someone asked of me. But I still feel guilty about, basically, making a decision and sticking to it.

I am an active Catholic woman.
Some things she could be involved in are

-Choir
-monthly Liturgy meetings (Plans out the liturgy for the month)
-She could be a member of Sodality (aka: Sodality Sisters, Sodality of Our Lady, Legion of Mary, (and the less nice term: Mary Freaks). a religious body which aims at fostering in its members an ardent devotion, reverence and filial love towards the Blessed Virgin Mary, and through this devotion and the protection of so good a Mother, it seeks to make the faithful, gathered together under her name. Activities include praying the Rosary. They usually meet the first Sunday of the Month.

Men on the other hand don't seem to get too involved with the Catholic Church. They show up on Sunday (or Satruday night at the Vigil mass) and then that's it. Few join the Choir.

Both sexes can be part of the Liturgy Committee, and could read the readings on Sunday. A lot of men tend to be Ushers.

There is no such thing as a True Catholic. I did not grow up in a Catholic home, I became a Catholic at the age of 26. There are Active Catholics and Lapsed Catholics.

An Active Catholic woman who is married to an Active Catholic man may have the same beliefs and views that they talk about in church such as: No abortion, No divorce, They may follow the 10 commandments to the letter, Church every week, pray the rosary. How would this affect a woman's daily life ?? It wouldn't if she grew up this way, it would be normal for her.

So you want her to be a doubting Catholic married to a 'Strict' Catholic man?

Sounds a bit like my mom. My dad was originally studying to be a priest. However he left the seminary before taking vows and married my mom. She was Protestant and converted to marry him (at that time it was the only way they could marry in the Church). She used to go to Mass every week with Dad and us kids but she was really only doing it for him. (I wouldn't call her bitter though). They don't go much these days as both are elderly and she has lots of problems getting around. But when we kids were growing up there was no question of us going to public school. We went to the parish grade school. I went to the local Catholic high school as did my younger sister. However by the time the youngest was ready for high school she was allowed to go to a public one.

One thing that used to drive us nuts was having to go to Mass on Christmas morning. We would be allowed to open one present on Christmas Eve but the rest had to wait until after church.

Just to add, for men there is the Knights of Columbus...they do social activities and help raise money for poor and disabled childern. There is also a chapter for the wives in most parishes, though they aren't Knights themselves.

^Yes, I'd forgotten about them.

And keep in mind, people who were raised Catholic and 'forced' into the religion usually have different views on it than people who chose the religion for themselves as an adult.

" "Nice" in our family is the same as "doormat" in everyone else's--put absolutely everyone's needs ahead of yours, and if you express an opinion or desire that contradicts someone else's, just suck it up, because saying "me first" is selfish. "

I was brought up that way as well. However I began seeing someone in my 20s who introduced me to the works of Ayn Rand. (Atlas Shrugged, The Fountainhead, and some of her non-fiction work). It 'cured' me of that.

I'm catholic, married and have one child.

Most Catholics when they get married are required to take a Natural Family Planning(NFP) class- they are more likely to use this method then the "Rhythm method" as it is more precise and is more successful. I've known several families who use this method both to become pregnant and to avoid pregnancy pretty successfully(I also use this myself).

If they are pretty strict catholics, they will more likely have a large family-more children because they want them rather than because of an "oops" we did it on the wrong day. I came from a family of 14, most of my brothers and sisters want a bunch of kids...

My parents were really strict catholics, besides going to church on the "required" Sunday and holydays of obligation(Christmas, New Years-called the "solemnity of Mary", Easter, All Saints Day-Nov 1st, and the Feast of the Assumption-Aug 15), they would also take us to mass on weekday mornings as a more spiritual way to start out your day.

The Catholic Mass is really really important to every serious Catholic. It centers around the same words that Jesus says at the Last Supper when he shared bread and wine with his disciples tellling them it was His Body and His Blood. It is very liturgical and symbolic and has several parts(coinciding to the 4 parts of prayer- Confession, Petition, Adoration, Thanksgiving) including the readings of the Old Testament and Gospel in the middle- followed by a homily.

- In a nutshell, receiving Communion is about coming in complete union with Jesus.

The average Sunday Mass is about 1 hour- 1Hr 15 Min (depending on the amount of singing involved and the length of the sermon)
The average daily mass is about 35 minutes (minimal singing and no homily)

You are not supposed to receive Communion if you have committed mortal/grievous sin and haven't been to Confession yet. Examples would be- stealing, murder, sexual misdeeds, sacrilege, perjury, blasphemy... pretty much anything serious that you wouldn't want to tell your great-grandma.

On Catholic guilt- this is mostly described as having a conscience(you know- the voice in your head that tells you right from wrong)

However- I remember one Sunday when I was 7 or 8 and I was at mass with my Parents and siblings- and I had daydreamed pretty much the whole mass- to the point where when everybody was getting up for communion I didn't realize it until they were all coming back. On her way back to her place my mom whispered when passing me "I'll make sure I can drive you to confession this weekend honey" -she assumed I hadn't gone to communion because I needed to go to confession! Because of this I was always afraid that if I didn't go to communion somebody I knew would notice and think I had done something really bad. Lol.

Hope that helps... sorry its so long!

Another organization you might consider for him or her (or both) is Opus Dei. (The wikipedia entry is at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Opus_Dei ). We had a female Transport Secretary here in the UK Cabinet and the fact that she was a member of Opus Dei was in the press quite a bit. She was replaced in the last Cabinet reshuffle, however. (More due to general incompetence than being an Opus Dei member).

oh, I also wanted to say as I grew up catholic- it was always normal for me. I never felt "forced" into my religion.

When I entered college I did my own personal religious evaluation and had some problems with the way some of the catholic people I knew seemed to think that they were overall better people because they were catholic. Self-righteous- if you will. Saying that they would never get into "X" situation and do "X" kind of thing although they had never been confronted with that situation and faced that particular "temptation". I have found these people to be the same kind of person that will think they are better then their neighbor because of the car they own or the clothes they wear.

I was raised Baptist as well but married a Catholic girl. She's not very devout but has a deeply entrenched sense of obligation, especially where our children are concerned. I think that somewhere along the line she has come to believe if she doesn't check certain boxes then their souls will be lost! And I say that only half-jokingly. In any reasonably devout Catholic household the children will more than likely attend Catechism classes, also known as "CCD." They generally go to CCD from first through eighth grades, culminating in their First Holy Communion. The closest thing I could use to describe CCD from a Baptist perspective would be Sunday School, the main difference being that CCD is essentially compulsory.

What if there were no hypothetical questions?

CCD is only attended if the child does not already attend Catholic Elementry school.

When I attended Catholic grade school we were on the second school bus run so we had to hang around after school til the bus came back. It meant we saw the kids coming for CCD. There wasn't actual bullying but we did look down on the 'CCD kids'.

Also I just want to make a small correction to what Danny said. CCD kids (and other Catholic kids) do not culminate with their First Holy Communion, they culminate with Confirmation.

Of course the kids are all Baptized, so we don't count that.

- The first rite the children take is First Penance (first time they go to confession)
- Then a few months later they go to First Holy Communion. CCD kids do it in grade 3 or age (8 - 9), Catholic School kids do it grade 2 or age (7 - 8). Some CCD kids can do this older.
- The last rite they have during their school life is Confirmation (this is when they commit themselves to the Catholic faith). Catholic School kids do this in grade 7, CCD kids grade 8.
Some older kids can do FHC and Confirmation simultanously.

Adults do all 3 simultaniously, after Religious Education Classes.

I was raised Catholic and my grandmother is a devote Catholic. A lot of Catholics or former ones question religion a LOT. For known examples of this, Denis Leary (Rescue Me) and Kevin Smith (Dogma). I've gone through a similar thing. I also attended Catholic school for a couple years, so I'm sure that's a part of things.
Anyway, just a couple thoughts of mine. Activities I used to be a part of included coffee/donuts after mass, sunday school, and when I was in Catholic school, going to church a lot. Another big thing in the church is the Bishop's appeal. The church asks for a lot of money. Not that others don't, but I think the Catholic church focuses on it more in some ways.

~Shannon Chenoweth
My writing blog

I remember getting a box of envelopes for Sunday donations every year when I was in grade school.

And the nuns were always trooping us off to Mass - holy days (if we didn't have them off), First Friday, Advent, Lent.

In some parts of the country, Confirmation and First Communion occur simultaneously, at age 7 (I actually wasn't aware of anywhere that CCD kids went to First Communion or Confirmation later than parochial school kids - so that varies too). This is because Confirmation isn't the child confirming anything, it's the bishop confirming the child's baptism, and so having the graces associated with that sacrament as early as possible is a good idea (but there are decent reasons to delay it, too).

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Uncle Cosmo, why do they call this a word processor?
It's simple, Skyler. You've seen what food processors do to food, right?

All of my answers assume that she lives in the US, and they're a little disjointed, sorry.

If she's very active in the church, she's likely to go to daily Mass. If she can't, for some reason, she will definitely go every Sunday (or Saturday evening), and every holy day of obligation. So will her husband.

Some of the time, or all of the time, she might be attending Mass in what's called the "extraordinary form", or sometimes the "Tridentine Rite" - this is the form of Mass that was said before the Second Vatican Council, and is always in Latin, unlike the ordinary form of Mass which may be in Latin but is not required to be in Latin.

She is also likely to read the Bible, even if it's just to reread the readings that were heard at Mass that Sunday (or that morning, if she went to Mass). Catholics tend not to have passage recognition familiarity with the Bible and tend not to memorize verses, but they do read the Bible.

How old is she, and when is the novel set? That'll have an impact on what other devotions she does - I would suggest a "true Catholic" would probably be spending time in adoration of the Blessed Sacrament (praying quietly before the tabernacle, or before consecrated bread (which Catholics do not believe is bread any longer) that is exposed in a monstrance, but until maybe ten years ago that wasn't very common in many parts of the US, and so someone who'd already developed all their religious habits, so to speak, before that time probably wouldn't be doing that sort of thing very often.

She would probably go to Confession monthly if not weekly, not because she's consumed with guilt or thinks she's a terrible person, but because, like anybody else, she isn't perfect, and wants to have the minor sins she's committed explicitly forgiven and to get advice on how to avoid them in the future.

She might view her marriage as her "vocation", her specific religious calling - i.e. some women are called to be nuns, some men are called to be priests or brothers, some people are called to marry.

There's a chance that, even though this is not explicitly required in the US any longer, she will abstain from meat (fish, eggs, and invertebrates are not meat) on every Friday unless it's a feast day, and her husband almost-certainly will too, whether she does or doesn't. (If she doesn't, and she cooks dinner on Fridays, she'll probably make dinner that doesn't involve meat.) She will absolutely abstain from meat on Fridays of Lent, as will her husband. They might abstain from meat for all of Lent as well.

Her husband might be a member of the Knights of Columbus. Some councils, but not all, have women's auxiliaries - as I don't know any Knights, I don't know exactly what the women's auxiliaries would be like.

She might be a member of her parish's Council of Catholic Women, if it has one. I'm having a hard time finding a good webpage for them, but I know they typically do things like host funeral luncheons, plan flower arrangements and decorations for the church, and do various volunteer things.

Feel free to PM me with more questions - I'm a married woman who is a practicing Catholic, even if neither my husband nor I were raised in a strict Catholic household. :)

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Uncle Cosmo, why do they call this a word processor?
It's simple, Skyler. You've seen what food processors do to food, right?

Roman?
Anglican?
Polish?
Old?

You do realize there are different types of Catholicism, right? (Sorry, you hit one of my biggest pet peeves. Not all Catholics are Roman.)

Cradle Catholic here. One of the things that I've always like about being Catholic is that I can go anywhere in the world and the Mass (we go to Mass, not to "services" like most other religions) and it'll almost always be exactly the same as home. Granted there are minor differences in the amount of singing and how the priest likes to handle the homily but the basics are the same. I like continuity.

So some other things a woman could be involved in: she could teach a CCD class and many churches have senior outreach programs (she'd bring meals or Communion to those unable to attend Mass). She may be on a committee to furnish a meal after a funeral (usually at the local K of C hall) or to say the rosary during a funeral viewing (my mom does this). Most Catholics I know are really into community service. Collecting for the poor, volunteering, you name it. Just saving our souls through believing is not enough, we need to do good deeds to make it to heaven.

Oh and we really like our saints. Seriously. Catholics always name their children with at least one saint's name. Thankfully there are thousands of saints. For more about Catholism and saints, you should check out http://asksistermarymartha.blogspot.com/

Katie
http://www.katiefleck.com

I second a lot of things other people have said. I'm a Catholic convert so it's all a bit different. My first couple of years I was incredibly strict . Fish on Fridays, no meat during Lent. I went to evening Mass after work fairly often. My ex knew that he'd have to ask me to marry him before I even considered leaving my job and moving across the country to be with him. I went to confession probably once a month or more (and it's often hard to find a church these days with sensible confession times.) The guilt was very hard to deal with. I'm a lot more relaxed now. My atheist boyfriend and his family can deal with me!

Your character may have thought about becoming a nun herself before she married. A lot of strictly brought up people would have the idea encouraged by schools or families. She would now definitely be using NFP. Her husband would probably insist even if she wasn't keen. He might well want lots of children even if she doesn't. He might be likely to quote the 'Wives obey your husbands' quote from St Paul. If she's wavering in faith it might be different, but if I had a problem (anything from work to boyfriends to medical problems to sexual harassment at work) my parish priest (who I'm very close to) would be the first person I would turn to. He may not have experienced the problems himself but in twenty years in ministry he's heard it all before a hundred times.

There are a lot of things women can do in churches, contrary to what someone else said. Most churches are kept afloat by their women. They can welcome people at the door, hand out hymbooks, sing in the choir and play the organ. I read at Mass. I've also taught RCIA (catechism courses for adults.) IOther women might teach first communion or confirmation classes. I'm not sure I agree with girl altar servers. My first church didn't allow them. But they outnumber the boys in most places. They also often look after the parish office and admin duties and generally help the priest out. They organise charity events and may be active in organisations like CAFOD or SPUC (pro-life charity). Also there's the usual round of coffee mornings and raffles and jumble sales and stalls selling cards or advent calenders and so forth.

I apologize, you're right. Though I didn't know there were so many types of Catholics. Let me clarify a bit on who she is:

She's a woman in her 30s who grew up in a strick Roman Catholic home. She went to a private Catholic school and is now married to a very strict controlling Catholic man (her second marriage, the son of her mother's best friend). She married him out of family obligation after her first husband and true love left her. Because of the situation with her ex, she's lost her lustre for life and also much of her faith. She now lives for her ten year old daughter - everything she does is for her daughter's well-being. And also out of her sense of obligation - she does what is expected rather than ruffle any feathers and do something for herself (at the beginning, anyway)

Wow, just wanna say thanks to all of you! I've received sooo much info between ya'll and the people on absolutewrite.com/forums. Thanks!

If they are very strict Catholics they probably use the 'rhythm method' of birth control - it relies on the wife knowing when she is fertile. If they don't want to have children they would be abstaining from marital relations on those days.

The rythm method is defunct and natural family planning is preferred. It has a high accuracy rate.
Ultra traditional catholics will not use anything not even the rythm method as tht is seen as interefering with Gods intentions. People that traditional tend to only go to Latin Mass aswell if they can help it

If you wanted to add some conflict make her have abnormal monthly periods and her doctor recommend that she go on the Pill to regularize them.

its not a problem if its for medical reasons however if the pill is also an abortificant or is mixed with one then they could not use it and have sex (unless you want to add the head f**k guilt factors later on...)

They would be going to Mass every week. When I was still going to Mass you could go on Saturday evenings to fulfill your Sunday obligation.

you can as speaking in the jewish sense of the sabbath it began at sundown the preceeding day so the christians took that defiinition over to the sunday, so saturday EVENING (not 2pm!) counts as the sunday for mass purposes.

There are also certain holy days (november the 1st for example, christmas, easter, good friday and other vary according to country) that one must also go to.

Confession is minimum once per year and so is Eucharist. One must be properly disposed to get communion - that is to say no outstanding mortal sins. If they were scrupulous then they wouldnt get it as it would be a bigger sin.
I knew a woman who for a time didnt get communion incase she had done something wrong and didn't know about it. This in itself is a sin as it is beign scrupulous.

If they were extremely strict then they might attend Mass on holy days of obligation also.

I disagree, your average *practising'* catholic would go on holy days if they knew about it and could get to it.

Only the love of god can save you from purgatory or hell, no matter how good you try to be in your life.

you aren't saved from purgatory. That is a purification for sins, something which protestants do not belive in.
Additonally how good you are DOES count in catholicism 'faith is made justified by works' but it will not save you. Only by beleiving in god and being free from mortal sin when you die might save you. Also we dont know. The RCC only states who is in hell. It is possible that judas iscariot and hitler are in heaven.

There is no such thing as a True Catholic. I did not grow up in a Catholic home, I became a Catholic at the age of 26. There are Active Catholics and Lapsed Catholics.

Uber trads would disagree with you there.

The rosary is one thing. In itself it is a beautiful ideal though personally I am unsure about it. It is a medatative prayer often performed with beads and is a tradtional catholic family thing to do

The average Sunday Mass is about 1 hour- 1Hr 15 Min (depending on the amount of singing involved and the length of the sermon)
The average daily mass is about 35 minutes (minimal singing and no homily)

I assume that you are setting this in America.. differnt cultures and countries have different lengths... ie in some parts of africa Mass starts at 12 noon and if you arrive by 2 you are doing well!!
In ireland I've heard a daily mass that was 14 minutes long. (novo ordo of course!)

She is also likely to read the Bible, even if it's just to reread the readings that were heard at Mass that Sunday (or that morning, if she went to Mass). Catholics tend not to have passage recognition familiarity with the Bible and tend not to memorize verses, but they do read the Bible.

bingo.. your 'average' practising catholic isn't liable to be able to play verse tennis with an evangelical but will actually know the bible better than they think due to listening to it at Mass.

There's a chance that, even though this is not explicitly required in the US any longer,

Not explicitly required.. but technically it still is, Technially women are still supposed to cover their heads at Mass,

You do realize there are different types of Catholicism, right? (Sorry, you hit one of my biggest pet peeves. Not all Catholics are Roman.)

All christians are in the catholic church - the universal church. Roman catholics are in communion with Eastern Orthodox catholics. 'Polish/Irish/French' catholic is just a term to describe a native who was raised in that relgion. it is not a seperate relgion. Additionally anglicans are NOT in communion wiht the Roman Catholic church - they have their own communion and are considered to be heretics as are all protestants.

http://www.joerogers.info

Not sure if someone mentioned this, but If she's in a second marriage and married to a very devout Catholic man, she will have had to have her first marriage annulled by the Church-- not the state-- so that she could marry the second guy. If he's as devout as you say he is, he would have wanted to be married by the Church.

It seems like you got a lot of good info. Also, someone mentioned Confirmation being the culmination of the sacraments, it's actually the second sacrament. First Baptism, Confirmation and the Holy Communion. Those are called the sacraments of initiation and years ago you'd be baptized, then confirmed and then receive the Eucharist.

Writing about Catholics, Catholicism, its history and culture can get a bit involved, even for us Cradle Catholics who have lived their whole lives in or around the religion.

Maria (not sure if my sig will appear).

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Maria
http://cosmicink.net/blog
A Promise Unfulfilled '06

"…therein is in writing the constant joy of sudden discovery, of happy accident." H.L. Mencken

While rightfully considered Catholic, the Eastern Orthodox aren't in communion with Rome. But Eastern Catholics are. They follow a Byzantine Liturgy. This sort of explains who is who and in communion with Rome. http://www.archdiocesesantafe.org/Offices/Ecumenical/ChurchList.pdf

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Maria
http://cosmicink.net/blog
A Promise Unfulfilled '06

"…therein is in writing the constant joy of sudden discovery, of happy accident." H.L. Mencken

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Maria
http://cosmicink.net/blog
A Promise Unfulfilled '06

"…therein is in writing the constant joy of sudden discovery, of happy accident." H.L. Mencken