Nano + Depression

The real question is... Do you want to do NaNo? If you're think of it as something that you should do, or that you're supposed to do, then you probably won't get far. I find that people who take that kind of attitude tend to struggle with winning. NaNo is supposed to be fun, above all. Would it be a distraction for you? A stress reliever? Don't forget, you can always try and if you don't make it, that's okay, too.

I went on anti-depressants maybe 2 years ago, after much angsting and soul-searching. I absolutely hated the idea of losing "myself", becoming emotionally numb etc. But I was so stressed and miserable that I thought I'd give them a try - and I'm so glad I did. Almost immediately I had more energy, I was sleeping better and my partner noticed that I was less defeatist about things. I found that life was easier to deal with without going under, and I was still myself - just a slightly more resilient version. Obviously different meds affect people differently - I'm on Lexapro, which is one of the milder ones - but keep in mind that they are a tool to help you cope. If they make you feel like crap, talk to your doctor, shop around, and don't give up. And don't stop taking meds suddenly, or you'll feel even worse.
Keep asking for help, and keep believing it's worth it.
And there's a thread in the Nano Ate My Soul forum on depression etc: http://www.nanowrimo.org/eng/node/3022552
There's lots of us out there! You're very much not alone.

I'm pretty much in the same boat as shadowkat up there. For some people depression is a disease, and there's no shame in getting help for something you can't control. Would you look down on a diabetic for taking insulin? No. People with real, serious depression have something wrong with their chemical makeup, and if meds are the only way to treat it, then that seems like the logical choice to me.

Of course, not every medication is the same. I've been on and off different anti-depressants since I was thirteen, and some of them even made me worse (looking back, it was probably my age). Right now I'm on 75 mgs of Sertraline (generic Zoloft) and it really helps. It helps keep me level, so in some ways it does flatten me out but really, that's not a bad thing. When I'm off my meds for more then a few days I start getting very irritable, I cry easily, lock myself in my room and become very angry at the drop of a hat. Then everything just turns grey and worthless, and I get too tired to even get out of bed, let alone care. If it wasn't for the meds there is a good chance I would have killed myself by now.

So please, if your doctor suggests medication, at least consider it. Sometimes people just needs a little more help then others, that's all.

I can't encourage you about Nano if you don't WANT to do it...only you know for sure.

As for depression, please accept the treatment, even down to meds. You will be glad that you did. I have been taking Prozac for a year; I don't know why I waited so long to do it, it has made such a wonderful difference in my life. I have had no side effects to speak of, except a slightly lowered libido, but that's easy enough to work around. The numbness you speak of is rather rare, and particular to only certain types of antidepressants. If one doesn't work for you, another dozen or so out there WILL work, and you'll find the right one with patience and a good counselor/prescriber. The worst part about going on the antidepressants in the first place is the two week adjustment period while your brain chemicals get in order. That was the hardest part for me, but still not awful, and I'm sooooooo glad I finally listened and took the meds.

As everyone has been saying, you're in good company.

I deal with anxiety more than depression (though they go hand in hand) and the treatments aren't so different, as far as meds go. I recall Lexapro as being one with fewer side effects, like someone else mentioned.

Yes, the side effects can be a pain, and if the ones you experience are truly intolerable, then you need to talk to your doctor and get it changed. But it might not be so bad, and if it helps, it's well worth a try. I've never experienced one that made me 'numb' ... extremely tired, yes, but not numb. (I almost wish I had, as my anxiety is very severe and numb would on some days be a vast improvement.)

In my experience, the doctor will suggest a month's trial of a med. A week or so to get used to being on it, and then maybe you'll notice some improvement. By a couple weeks you ought to be able to tell if it's helping or not, though it may not take full effect for a month. If within those couple weeks the side effects have been absolutely unbearable, go ahead and fuss at the doctor and see what he said. You ought by then to have a glimmer of whether or not it will help you. You'll probably have an appointment at the one month mark to check your progress, but do NOT hesitate to bug the doctor with any questions you have in the meantime. If you can't reach him or don't want to for some reason, call the nearest pharmacist ... they are GREAT with med questions.

The worst part will be the first couple days, just getting used to it. Because if it makes you drowsy (some do, many don't) you'll want to be careful about driving, things like that, until you adjust. Cut yourself some slack those first few days, skip class even (maybe your professors will let you do the work at home or something). Take it easy and give yourself permission to just take care of yourself, nothing else.

I hope that helps a bit to let you know what to expect. Feel free to PM if you need; we're all here for you.

And don't push yourself. This is my fourth Nano. I've completed three. I may not complete this one, because I can tell I'm in a place this year where I should not be pushing myself. (I overdid it last year pretty badly.) That's okay. Play with Nano, have fun with it, but don't let it make you worse. That's not what it's about. :)

Like many, I would encourage you to consider meds.

But, EDUCATE yourself first. Check out the crazymeds website ... LOTS of good information on it.

If there's a med you'd like to try, mention it to your doctor. Don't just randomly accept whatever he or she decides to put you on.

It's hard ... but if you take charge of the decision to medicate, it's a step and it's a step you can build on.

You'll still feel the ups and downs of life, but they won't be so up and down. The peaks and valleys are less pronounced.

Been on meds for two years ... they literally saved my life.

And as far as NaNo ... some people find writing the perfect outlet for dealing with depression. But ultimately, you know your limitations.

GOOD LUCK!

I'm bipolar and have an anxiety disorder. I was terrified to go on meds and flat out refused through the second two mental health proffessionals I saw (the first I hated and quit seeing before she could even try). I was scared of loosing myself to them, I was afraid they would make me worse, exct. I was finally convinced to try Depakote. It left me constantly sick to my stomach, unable to eat, and constantly depressed. It was hellish. I lost around 9 pounds while on it before I just quit taking it. (Note: research before doing that, some things will mess you up if you do that, others won't)

I then got on Prozac. It was working pretty good, but not quite good enough. So my dosage increased. Mood-wise I was great. Buut... I couldn't sleep for more than 2 hours at a time while on it, and that got old FAST.

So then I got switched to Celexa. Again, doing okay on that, then realized that I was still swinging moods and hitting bad bouts of depression. So my doctor increased my dose... again, couldn't sleep, and felt constantly sick to my stomach.

I'm now awaiting to go to an even better psych place that specializes in meds and such and that'll be right in the middle of Nano XD;
However, despite my bad experiences with meds, I know, from just how I felt even when not able to sleep or with only half effect, that they're definately worth it. You won't loose yourself if you're careful. Ask you friends to watch out for you, and if they notice your personality changing or anything like that to let you, or one of your parents know right away.

On to To do Nano, or Not to do Nano:
For me, writing is something I love, it's major stress releif and a way for me to cope with depression and anxiety. So, even though it'll create a bit of stress with deadlines, it'll definately be worth it for me and I've really wanted to get published for a while now with some stuff I wrote, so this'll be a good oportunity for me to find publishers and try getting my name out there.

However, if you don't look at writing as something you love and would willing make time to do, then it's not something I'd recommend to try to balance with classes and depression.

For me, depression includes mind crippling writer's block on top of ... just not wanting to do anything at all.

Last year I only got about 6k words in to it, and then not finishing really kind of made things worse.

I'm hoping maybe this year will be different. Maybe this year, Nano can pull me free...

Good luck, with whatever you choose to do.

I've been on medication since i was about 14 (or so) and it has saved my life. I went through some pretty hellish times before I started and while finding the right combination of medication to be on, but now that i'm on it, I am a better person for it - WAY better. The peaks and valleys of the emotional rollercoaster are managable and I can now be around people where as before I would closet myself in my room and not speak to anyone. It may be that you and your doctor get it right on the first medication tryal, or maybe on the second. Or maybe you'll be like me and a lot of other people who are on 2 or 3 other medications as well as the anti-depressant to supplement it and help it do its job properly. But what I recomend is to do your homework as well as Listen to what your doctor has to say, and take it in to consideration, they (at least most if them) know what they are doing. and if you are having side effects, talk to your doctor about them. I personally found that most of the side effects went away after being on the medication for 2 weeks. You need to give your body a chance to get use to the meds and the help they are providing. It can take up to a month to begin to really notice the effects of the medication, so give yourself some time. Of course, some medications begin helping faster than others and you might see improvements as soon as a couple of weeks. It depends on the person and the medication.

As for doing NaNo, It's as the others have stated, NaNo is for having fun, so if you feel like its going to bring you down, don't do it, but on the flip side, writing might just be the Cathartic outlet you need.

Depression is actually one of the reasons I'm doing NaNo this year. (never done it in the past) I'm studying abroad right now and have been dealing with a lot of stuff involving my (ex)boyfriend lately and it's been getting me really depressed. So I'm doing NaNo as something fun to try to take my mind off stuff and to give me something fun and creative to concentrate my energy on. ^^

But yeah, I agree with what people have said, NaNo is about having fun. If you think it could help distract you from stuff (like I do), then it might be good to do. You don't *have* to finish it. I for one fully expect to not finish my NaNo-I'm just doing it for fun anyways.

Ahh, this is a good thread for me. This entire semester, I've been really depressed. I kept thinking it would get better but it hasn't really. However... I have had two good days in a row which hasn't happened since before all this started!

I wasn't going to do NaNo this year, partially because I have so much work to do for school, but also partially because of my "beloved monster" - I haven't wanted to do much of anything, including reading and playing computer games, both of which I used to love and do daily.

But I read the emails I got from NaNo and today I decided to go ahead and sign up. If nothing else, it will be a distraction. I haven't decided if my story this year is going to be insanely happy (kind of the opposite of me right now) or the most depressing thing I've ever written... it could go either way. And in fact it might switch back and forth depending on the mood I'm in when I'm writing it. :P

You're not alone at all. I hope that you and everyone else who's reading this and feels bad gets help and starts feeling better. We shouldn't have to live like this... there has to be a way to get better. I haven't been to my college counselor yet even though I know that I really need to go. I don't know about taking medication though, because it can get expensive and I don't have insurance for it, I can't really afford it on my own, and I am not about to ask my parents for it... I'm hoping that I'll start feeling better with counseling and such.

There are companies that offer a sort of scholarship for their meds (there's another term for it but I am blanking out) ... anyway, try it out. Or see if your college offers a student insurance program that might help. Or if your doctor's office will be obliging with a month's set of sample so you can at least see if it helps.

Meds aren't for everyone, but don't let funding be what stops you from getting whatever help you may need. It's at least worth a try.

Wow, thanks everyone! For the encouragement as well as the information about medication. I have the appointment in a couple weeks, and I am going to hear the doctor out of course.

I'm in the same situation as this:

I don't know about taking medication though, because it can get expensive and I don't have insurance for it, I can't really afford it on my own, and I am not about to ask my parents for it...

When I initially talked to a counselor, I told him I didn't have (good) insurance and this was going to be my biggest problem concerning both therapy and medication. He told me to make sure I told the doctor that money was a big issue, and mentioned that they could give trials or somehow help with that. I was talking to a friend of mine that has been on antidepressants and he said it could cost as much as $200 a month! When I looked online, the range was $35 - $200, and really, most of that range is more than I can afford.

I'm very aware that I'm not alone, even though it feels like that. My biggest frustration has been knowing that how I "feel" is not rational or logical or a reasonable response to any event. Nothing super traumatic has happened to create this problem (though I took a breakup REALLY hard about 4 months ago, but I honestly think I was already somewhat depressed and this just furthered the decline). It's very frustrating to know my emotions are completely unreliable, and not have the answer to "why."

And "beloved monster" ftw. I've been calling it the Depression Monster. And he goes rawr. I figured making fun of it can't hurt. ;)

I've been having a really rough streak of it lately to where not even my meds seem to help, so I can relate a bit. NaNo has...given me something to look forward to, a goal. For some reason, I don't see it as a challenge, even though it is. It's just...if you don't finish it, who cares? You tried and wrote and got some stuff out, good and bad. It's just given me hope.

I think you are pretty amazing for asking for our opinions and thoughts! That is really great. *smile*

Um, I am just nearing my first lot of major high school exams, I want to tackle NaNoWriMo, I have been diagnosed with depression and a number of other health issues. So... I empathise!

To be honest, my genuine opinion on meds is that they are not the right way to go. Well, they aren't and never have been for me. I just think that they are expensive, unreliable, can become addictive so easily and, well, they're just not natural.
Though I have to admit this opinion may have been influenced by my mother who is really big on her herbal medications and alternative stuff like that! *grin*

Feeling grotty with depression is... nasty. That is the beginning and end of it; it aint nice. But, even though it sounds exceptionally cliche, I truly believe that learning to believe in yourself, and learning to be selfish or 'self-caring' sometimes really makes so much of a difference. I struggle so much with so many things, but I'm learning as I go and I know I have so many good people around me. I really hope you do too, because when you can't think of the good things in yourself and your life you need people who love you to give you a nudge in the right direction!

About NaNo... I am not sure how it is for you. If you're wanting to give it a go, give it a go! I think we all know that there's no pressure where NaNoWriMo is concerned --- succeed or not, it really comes down to us all doing the thing we love; write, write, write!! Don't go into it using it as a distraction, go into it buzzing with your love for words and belief in yourself that you have the strength to give it your all! ~ That's the same for anything, right? I am learning to think that nothing is impossible.

Much, much luck! And remember to do what you feel is right! *smiles*

I think it's totally awesome that so many have decided to share. Kudos to you all!
As I'm reading these, I can relate very well. We're not alone, we're not dying and yes, the light at the end of the tunnel isn't a train! I had learned that depression along with anxiety is hereditary--if you can believe it! It is prominent with the females on my mom's side. My grandmother had it and my mom has it and so do I. It hit me when I was 18 and I didn't know what it was at the time. On a slightly serious note, I believe that journaling had saved me in more ways than one! I sometimes go back and read them and I can see that yes, I was in need of help back then!! My family is also very anti-med. "It's all to do with your diet!" That may be a small part of it, but it certainly wasn't helping the panic attacks followed by being in the bottom of the barrel. (That's how I refer to my depression)
When I finally did reach out for the help and finally learned what was going on and what to call it, I decided that I wanted my life back. So only a select few know that I am on the med and have been on it for the last two years. I find that Wellbutrin works for me. I can be me again. I can leave the house. I can drive somewhere without having a meltdown. I have motivation to do more things (like getting healthy--I'm finally losing the weight I need to!) and confidence to go more places. My hubby is loving it! I have a kind of clarity of what's going on around me. I'm loving life again. (and that's a very big deal!)

As for Nano--this is my third rodeo and I'm going for the third win. Writing and music are my therapy! I actually look forward to November every year! Nano should be an official holiday!! So go for it! You'll look back on it and be glad you did!!

I'd say write your heart away. Escape it by creating a world in which things are going the way you planned. At least it'll put a smile on your face, and hopefully will inspire you to break out of your funk. Best of Luck to ya!

I also have depression. However, my biggest problem is actually anxiety. They're both so intertwined though, that you can't really mention one without the other. I had a little debate with myself as to if I should add more stress to my life with this, but I decided that it was worth it. It will give me something to do with my time, distract me, the first half of the story is actually a very positive and happy story, plus I just love writing. You have to weigh out the pros and cons on your own though. Also, all of us with these kinds of disorders need to remember that if it's making things worse to STOP. Yes, it would be great to complete 50K in a month. But, obviously, our health has to remain in the foreground.

Now I know this is a bit off the topic of "to NaNo or not to NaNo, that is the question?" but it is related directly to my anxiety and depression. This past week, I have gone to school every day. I know that, to most people, this seems like a relatively dumb thing to be proud of. But for me, school really plays havoc with my emotions and stresses me out. For me, this is like one of those little accomplishments. =) Just thought I'd share with some people who are more likely to understand. (My mother and boyfriend were very excited for me, as usal, but I know most others just don't get why it's a big deal.)

For me NaNo is my Anti-depression.

I've been depressed for a couple of months now. My husband lost his job and I've been ill and fighting with the government off and on for this and that.

For me November 1st is the time when I can shut off the outside stuff. When I turn that stuff off for even just a little while I realize it affects me less because things kind of sort themselves out in my writing. Then I can turn around with a calmer head and fix my real life.

Its up to you what you choose to do. Go with your gut.

It doesn't sound dumb to me. I cheer myself when I accomplish the ordinary things in life too. Because, for us, the ordinary things are really big deals.

I've been depressed pretty much forever. Nano is one of the few things that excites me at the moment. I really do believe that art can save your life, and succeeding at Nano can make me feel good about myself when nothing else can. But you know yourself better than anyone else: if you don't really want to do this, don't make yourself feel worse. If you do want to do it and you have fun with it, it can be a sort of lifeline.

I have a psychiatric assessment towards the end of November for CBT/therapy. I sort of wish my doctor had just prescribed me meds when I was diagnosed; you have to wait six months for an appointment like this on the NHS, and those are six months I could have spent finding the right medication and feeling better. Meh.

Using writing against depression? Preposterous! I need my melancholy to write anything even remotely worth reading. Happy art is boring art.

I never said I wrote anything worth reading, just that it made me feel better. :P

Sometimes completing a goal you set for yourself can help when you're feeling down -- it does for me. You could decide to write 20k or 30k instead of the full 50, if you think you won't have time to finish.

Doesn't sound the least bit dumb to me. School is tough, whether it's elementary school, high school or graduate school. It's the number one thing getting me down right now. I'm proud of you; I know how easy it is to turn the alarm off and burrow deeper into the covers when it's time to get up.

^ Done that. v_v

I wouldn't say I have depression; I haven't been diagnosed or anything, and I've never known anyone irl who had depression, so I can't compare to that and I don't want to make an assumption about what I'm feeling. But I *do* get extremely stressed, enough to make myself physically ill, and ever since I started high school a few months ago, with...two real friends, and even they don't really want anything to do with me, I've been feeling very down and dejected.

That's a big part of why I'm doing NaNo this year. I love to write, and I'm hoping it will pull me out of this, or at least restore my self-confidence. It gives me a goal, and I hope I'll make it. I've never done this - used NaNo to help myself out mentally - but I think it will work. I don't know if it will do the same for you, but if you like to write, it will help somehow (unless it starts becoming a chore). Anyway, good luck. I hope things get better for you soon, and for everyone else here. <3

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when I was 21 (and misdiagnosed as having major depression years before that), and, while I'm still figuring out the med formula, I'm better with properly working meds than nothing at all (or meds that wind up backfiring). Someone mentioned using herbal remedies or no medication at all, and herbal remedies may work well for some, but I'm so far gone no herbal remedy would do a damn thing. It depends on the severity of the illness, IMO. (Sorry if I come off as pissed off, but I'm kind of having a tough time with things myself--more on that in a minute.)

And to whoever else had bipolar disorder--after going through pretty much every antidepressant in the book, I was told that antidepressants tend not to work on those who are bipolar. I started taking Lamictal a year ago to deal with that, and while the side effects suck, it's been more long-lasting in its effectiveness. I've also been on lithium since my initial diagnosis.

I've started to have a bit of a meltdown of my own recently. I finished grad school a couple months ago, am only partially employed, am job-hunting in conjunction with said part-time job, and am running out of money. I'd go on about what else is leading to said meltdown, but I'd rather not tell-all here. Interestingly enough, it's been my meltdown that inspired my plot for my novel--late twenty-something, down-on-her-luck female protagonist goes back in time ten years to...I'm still figuring this one out. (I promise it won't be another Peggy Sue Got Married.) Actually, it came from my saying to someone, "If my 17-year-old self knew what I'd become, it'd kill itself!" This is going to be therapeutic for me, I hope.

Talking with the counselor should help a lot. Before the med appointment, I'd get a pharmacology book to better know what you may be prescribed. I've had better luck in this arena with some docs than others. Hopefully, you'll find someone who will hear you out before prescribing you anything. And in return, you've got to be completely upfront with them. If you think you'll forget, write down everything you've been feeling. Keep a mental health journal if you feel it'll benefit you.

As for Nano...it's up to you. I haven't participated since 2002 (until now--well, technically this Nov. 1) because I couldn't handle all that + school or whatever else. You'll figure it out.

Thank you KristenS and Pantaliamon, it's good to know that there are some people who really understand where I'm coming from on the school thing. (I'm in my last year of high school, bu the way.) Most of my friends just don't understand how hard some "normal" things are to me. It's hard to explain that me not wanting to go to school is more than a tired or thinking it's boring thing. Also, like you've mentioned Kristen, other such ordinary things. For me, calling people to hang out with and the knowledge that I need to get a part time job are rough.

Although I'm sorry you two have to understand, I'm glad you do. I'm going to buddy the two of you now, I hope that's okay.

I don't mind a bit and in fact I buddied you right back. :) You're not at all alone in this, none of us are.... I think it's hard for some people who have never experienced this to understand how it feels, how overwhelming everything is, and how difficult it is do to "normal" things. Feel free to message me any time you need to talk

It's nice to see so many people willing to be open about this. One of the hard parts when the crap started going down in March for me was the fact that my mom still had the whole stigma about it and thought, when things got absolutely terrible, that I was doing it for attention.

I've had anxiety disorder since March (that's when I had my first panic attack...eek) and the depression pretty much followed and now they're both there and they're both intertwined and separate depending on the day. The end of the school year last year was terrible...I had the depression following the panic attacks and had absolutely no idea what was happening to me. I'd sit in a practice room for an hour, staring at the doorknob with tears running down my cheeks thinking that I was certainly going insane because that's the only reason for this absurd, irrational behavior. Things got progressively worse until May. Sleeping suffered, work suffered, everything did. One of the things that bothers me about people's reactions to depression is they make it frou-frou, if that makes sense. They either have the stigma or they talk about it in such florid purple prose which is absurd. Depression is as debilitating an illness as any, and I was rendered incapacitated by it. Let's take down the frou-frou, please.

I'm on Lexapro and that stuff saved my butt. I honestly believe I would have either gone insane for real or ended up in the hospital (I very nearly did) if it wasn't for that. I know what you mean about the addiction (I was also put on xanax in March, and when I went off that for a few days in May...yeahhh that wasn't pleasant. At all. On the bright side, I know what drug withdrawal feels like and can write it if I have a character with it, right?) but if it's going to save you it's worth it. I haven't had many side effects at all...mine were mild (ie constipation) and if anything, it brought me back rather than making me worse. It made me be able to think coherently again, focus, actually have emotions, and best of all...I was able to write again. So yeah. Whatever you think is best, but don't turn away from the meds because if it can help then do whatever you can.