Readers Panel: Seeking Authors interested in critiqueing each others work.

Alexi's an artistic tomboy, Ben's the mysterious boy who plays the violin. (Umm... yea right. Castaway5, if you're reading this, don't kill me! It's a school of the arts, c'mon!) What do they have in common? Eternal youth.

Jess is a Golden Retriever. Ned is a black Labrador. They both know their master's secrets. They both know that each other's masters are Eternals as they are. How long can they hide it from Alexira and Nebuchanezzar? (sp?)

Nebuchanezzar and Denmark. Alexira and Jessali. The Eternals unite under the Angel's Call.

XD, it's pretty lame. Alex is a singer/ballerina. A prima donna. Ben- I'm just joking about him being a violinist. Don't worry. *laughs* hehehe..... it's a fanficcy.

Athens is really just a big typo. Y'see, "s" is right next to "a" on the keyboard. They meant to name it Athena, but the secretary wasn't a very good typist.
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Ya this is me. Wow, I'm so cool you read my sig?

The names are a little confusing, and I am not sure which story this is "fanficcy" of..but it's an interesting idea. Perhaps more so if some conflict was mentioned. :)

Let me know if you want a reader as you go along. :) I'm good for it. :)

[url=http://dragcave.net/view/WvIR][img]http://dragcave.net/image/WvIR.gif[/img][/url]

Ohh, yup. *headdesk* Sorry.....
Soo.....
Nebuchanezzar-Neb-Ben
Denmark-Den-Ned (dog)
Alexira-Alexi-Alex
Jessali-Jess (dog)

It's a fanfic of The Castaways of the Flying Dutchman by Brian Jacques.

Of course there're conflicts..... that's where the Eternals are needed!

Athens is really just a big typo. Y'see, "s" is right next to "a" on the keyboard. They meant to name it Athena, but the secretary wasn't a very good typist.
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Ya this is me. Wow, I'm so cool you read my sig?

Oh, this sounds like a really interesting idea. If I had people interested in what I'm writing, that'd be all the motivation I need.

You can read my novel's synopsis in my novel info, but here is a relatively shortened version:
All of the magic wielders on the Earth have been succeeding in hiding their powers from mortals... until now. Magic is discovered, and the world goes into a frenzy. Sorcerers are being illegally imprisoned and sold into slavery. The government tries to stop this, but the sorcerers are being held in very secretive prison camps.

A fifteen-year-old sorceress named Addy escapes from one of these prison camps, and soon teams up with a boy her age protesting the slavery, named Chase. The two of them, along with a bunch of other eccentric characters they meet along the way, need to save all the Earth's sorcerers. Not to mention they have to do all this while being chased by a very angry - and heinous - prison guard. Can they do it, before it's too late? Dun dun duuuuuun.

Okay, now that I look at it, that wasn't really shortened at all. Oh well.

Anyway, if anyone is writing fantasy as well, that'd be great. I'd love to exchange manuscripts when December rolls around. :)

Angel used to be everybody's darling, a carbon copy of her perfect mother, but now she's a rough and tumble gangster complete with motorcylcle, tattoos, and blue hair. When her father drags her back to her childhood home, an ancient estate on an island in the Caribbean, the place where her mother died, Angel starts to uncover things about her past.

She has a thousand questions - what happened to the two hundred year old fortune her family owned? is her father even her father? why does somebody keep threatening her? - but there is one question that she has to find an answer to. Why is there an autopsy report that says her mother was shot through the heart, when Angel was always told she'd drowned?

There're some very ugly secrets on Angel's perfect island and as she struggles to understand the cryptic message her mother left for her, the danger draws closer. If Angel doesn't find some answers, she really will end up "just like her mom."

I think we should pair this up or something, Zelona. It's a great idea, but it can get frustrating to try and read about fifteen chapters + write about 2000 words in one night. xD

Anyway, here's my synopsis thing... It's essentially a rewrite of the fairytale Bluebeard. ^^

Nineteen year old Lisette Wade lives in the small city of Keiran and struggles through college on a day-to-day basis. All that changes when her best friend presents her as a pet to a king she never knew existed.

Her world comes crashing down as she learns more and more about Infects - humans with a disease that makes them crave human flesh - and about staying alive in a court full of mages who could kill her with a glance. The Winter Castle is a frightening place full of secrets and anyone there could be an Infect waiting to for a chance to eat her. To make things worse, all of the king's previous human pets have dropped off the edge of the earth and Lee's afraid she might just be the next one to disappear. Yet running away means braving a forest full of Infects before reaching Keiran again.

Either way, Lee's going to end up dead.

Vegetarians eat vegetables, right? So what exactly do humanitarians eat?

Yeah, I really like the idea too. :] It's always nice to get criticism
and comments from other people. Like everyone else, I just have
a 'little' draft of my novel's synopsis. It's a little cliche and so let's
just say it's in progress. Anyways...

Danielle- known as Danni- and Charlie have been best friends
ever since the second grade. Danni's known for her spontaneous
and exciting personality. She's always looking for adventure, new
experiences, and a way to get out of their small, conservative town.
Charlie on the other hand, is rather quiet. He doesn't like to interact
with many people and prefers to be a follower than a leader.

When there's a chance to go to California for an exchange program,
the state of all liberal ideas, Danni jumps at the chance. Unfortunately,
an incident causes her parents to worry about her and basically turn
her down. Yet, Charlie is allowed to go. With that, he learns about the
world around him, the endless possibilities, and ultimately, himself.

I love reading other peoples work and would be happy to provide feedback for fellow YA nanoers (I work as an assistant for a literary agent, so I do a lot of this already).

Oh, and here's a bit about my story ideas (it's the night before and I still haven't picked!)

- One: A troubled boy learns about life through death. After a failed suicide attempt, his family moves to a small, rural town and their new property lies on a corpse road (the route used for coffins to travel from funeral home to a church to a cemetery). It seems one town resident, a lonely young woman, may never have left the corpse road. A story of saints, suicide, suburbia and a girl called Blush.
- Two: Told from two point-of-views, a podcast with a cult following brings a shy and socially awkward guy and a lonely, film-geek private schoolgirl together. Pump Up The Volume meets Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist.

Anyway, if anyone wants to trade, nanomail me or catch me on msn (ferris_myhero@hotmail.com)

This sounds like a great idea! I find nanomail too slow and confusing, but feel free to email me at tencentnotes@gmail.com. My nano is contemporary YA... there's a short synopsis on my page, but basically it's about a girl with a mad crush on a boy who she "stalked" back when they were in kindergarten together. Throw in a big group of friends with their own romantic dramas (these are cropping up in subplots I didn't plan) and a family torn in two and you've got... well, it's still a story about a girl with a crush.

Here's a short excerpt. If you'd be interested in reading some... email me.

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Joe’s Diner is packed by the time I arrive. It’s full of Park Academy kids on lunch - everyone from the lowly, still-nervous freshmen to the full-of-themselves seniors. I push the glass door open, the warm indoor air hitting me like air from a heater, a nice break from the nippy air outside. I push my way to the back, through bulky football players and too-perky cheerleader girlfriends. My friends sit at the back booth, next to the corner window and a huge poster of Rosie the Riveter. The booth benches are covered in red vinyl and Shannon scoots over to make room for me as I sit down and set my cell phone on the table, grinning at everyone. Despite the fact that I can’t get Finn out of my head, Joe’s makes everything feel a little better. “I’m hungry,” I say, stealing Dominic’s menu from across the table.
“Hey! I was reading that.”
I shake my head. “Oh, Dominic, you don’t know how to read.”
Noah and Jack laugh and Coco gives me a high five over the top of Shannon’s head.
“Hey, we’re gonna need another booth or some seats or something,” says Noah. Six of us are packed into the booth tightly - girls (me, Shannon, and Coco) on one side and guys (Jack, Noah, and Dominic) on the other. This is our usual gang, the six of us a loosely knit, eclectic bunch.
“Why? Who else is coming?” I ask as Dominic walks up to the counter to order the food.
“Katey might be coming,” Coco says.
“Ninth grader,” says Shannon. “Not so cool.”
“Katey’s cool,” Coco insists. “Besides we -” she motions to me and herself, “are her friends.”
Shannon sighs. “Fine.”
“Also,” Noah says, clearing his throat to get our attention. “Also Finn’s coming.”
“Wait, what?” I look at Noah, giving him an I really hope you’re joking look.
“He’s our friend, remember?”
“You’ve got to be kidding,” I say. There’s no way I’m going to be able to ignore him if he’s here, if he’s hanging out with us, eating lunch at Joe’s Diner with us.
“I’m not kidding,” Noah says.
“Who’s Finn?” Shannon asks, stealing a fry off Coco’s tray as soon as Dominic sets it down. Unlike the majority of Park Academy students, Shannon arrived at the start of seventh grade; she hasn’t gone to school with the same people since kindergarten like the rest of us have.
“Just this guy,” I say quickly, hoping to eclipse any other explanations.
She shakes her head. “Yeah, right, babe. You forget that I’m a master of dirt and rumors. I can smell gossip from a mile away.”
“He’s nobody,” I say.
“Okay, that’s obviously a lie. So boys? Coco?” She turns the the rest of them, leaning forward eagerly, waiting.
“He used to go to Park back in elementary school,” Jack says.
“And?”
“And now he’s back.”
“And?”
“And your girl Daisy used to have a crush on him,” Noah says, jumping in.
“It wasn’t a crush,” I say, even though it definitely was. “It was more like—”
“An obsession,” Coco says.
“A disease,” Noah says.
“I liked him a lot,” I say, “and he did not like me quite as much. Or at all, really.”
Shannon laughs. “I don’t see the big deal; we all liked somebody back in kindergarten, right? I fake-married Joey Hess on the playground one day.”
I shake my head. “This was worse.”
“Way worse,” adds Noah. “She was a kind of crazy.”
“Only a little,” I say.
“No, a lot.”
Jack takes a drink of his lemonade and then, very thoughtfully, says, “Daisy was kind of like a kindergarten stalker. It was a big deal.”
“They’re exaggerating,” I say, but Jack is right. I was that girl who chased the boy around the playground every recess, who always sat next to him in circle time, who sent love notes as soon as she knew how to write her name. I was the girl who invited her best friends to her pretend wedding, who told the resistant groom that we were going to have two dogs and we were going to name them Johnny and Rick. I was the girl who’s singular focus was on that cute boy with the corner cubby, the one who wouldn’t give me the time of day and was too busy escaping me to ever talk to me. So yes, I was the crazy girl in kindergarten and now, when Finn enters Joe’s Diner and my heart leaps into my throat, I’m not entirely convinced that my Finn-inspired craziness is over.
And I’m especially not sure of it when he comes over to our booth, steals a fry off my tray, and winks at me. “Hey, Crazy Daisy.”
“Hey, fry thief,” I reply, feeling the butterflies wake up even though I wish they wouldn’t. It’s hard to be normal with a swarm of butterflies hanging out inside of me, waking up and beating their wings together whenever Finn’s nearby.

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14 mentions of butterflies.
2 scenes at Joe's Diner.
1 scene at The Cakery.
11 chapters.

I am currently behind (very, terribly behind) on my NaNoWriMo, but I am looking for critique partners/readers for when I have written enough to make it worth reading. I'd be happy to send you 1-3 chapters of mine and critique 1-3 chapters of yours to see if our writing/critiquing style is compatible before we decide if we're interested (no hard feelings if you're not!). :)

Here's the synopsis:

Feel free to NaNomail me if you're interested! :)

People have writer's block not because they can't write, but because they despair of writing eloquently.

livejournal / blogspot / tw

@SandyShin: I'd love to send you my chapters. I love your idea and it sounds fascinating!

Here's my synopsis:

Beatrice Ainsley should be able to control electricity- it is her gift, after all- but she's only eleven, and all she can do is make her hair staticky and break lightbulbs. But she'll have to learn more if she wants to make it through finishing school.

In Beatrice and the Greenfinch Carnival, Beatrice finds out that Edmund Cheshire, the human-turned-cat-turned-human that she and her friends helped the previous semester, has been kidnapped by the Greenfinch Carnival as part of their freak show. Beatrice, along with talkative Neddy and her pet weasel, the two Kingsbury triplets, nerdy Hero Greenaway, and her mysterious best friend Fidelity, have to rescue him. Again. Unfortunately, the ringmaster's daughter and her two companions are doing their level best to keep them as far from the carnival as possible.

My blog: http://charmypants.blogspot.com

"Oh, brilliant. I must write this down in my witty retorts journal." --Artemis Fowl

I'd be interested! I'm always interested in reading other peoples, and getting them to read mine. Especially when I don't know them - I feel weird showing people I know my writing. If you want to read mine or have me read yours, NaNo mail me or drop me a line on hannahem27@gmail.com.

My story:

Alexa Hill once led a normal life. When her parents are kidnapped before her eyes, Alexa's life changes forever, and she must find out the truth as to what has happened to her parents. The only remaining member of her family though, lives halfway across the world in the London Capitol, the headquarters and world capital of the New World Order. So Alexa and her younnger sister Katie run away from the government officals hunting her down, and to the heart of the NWO.
It's a dystopian novel set in about ten to fifteen years time, where not much has changed except for the balance of power and the increasing development of new technology.
The first (in a trilogy) book called Untouchable, sees Alexa finding her way to the London Capitol and, while hunting down her parent's kidnappers, stumbles upon a group of rebels known as the Untouchables, the only known existing rebellion in the NWO. She uses the Untouchables as a way to dig deeper into the heart of the NWO. At the same time, she finds love, as well as learning things about her family she never knew.

If you would like to read any of it, let me know!

I would love to take part. I am really in need of something new to read and some critique!

My story line is difficult to explain so here's an attempt:

Pewter Fox

Synopsis:
Scarlett Crawford is a spoilt, obnoxious, power abusing, British upper-class eighteen year old of the early 1950's, the death of a distant family member leads to her parents and herself re-locating to a supposedly haunted house (Eloise Heights) on the Bodmin Moors, near the tiny village of St Tudy. The village is full of quirky characters who come and go and nose around in everyone elses business, the quirkiest character of all is that of Luella, no one knows her last name and she is often referred to as 'Loopy Luella'. She befriends Scarlett and tells her the story of the Heath family, the last family to live in the Heights nearly two hundred years prior.

As loneliness and boredom begin to plague Scarlett she starts hearing strange noises when she is alone and eventually one night is awoken by the violent ghost of Nathan Heath, the much abused master of the house who died at nineteen whilst searching for his dead wife's spirit on the moors. The spirit begins to warp Scarlett's character from the 'ideal' daughter to a wild heathen whilst the house destroys the other characters; turning the staff bitter, her mother violent, killing her beloved father and forcing her to re-visit a hastily forgotton brother.

This collection of undesirables will ignore reason in the name of love and hate before they realise all too late that the murderer is not necessarily the killer but the real question is left to you. Are there no such things as ghosts?

Excerpt:
Then either close to or past midnight she woke again but this time not to black, this time to a beautiful but frighteningly familiar face inches from hers, studying hers. When she decided to try to scream a hand closed down on her throat and an angels voice breathed against her cheek.

‘Dear, dear! I bent to your way did I not? So why torture me with a hideous noise for complying so neatly? Girl, scream or utter a protest and I might place you with maker before you have your chance to sin and haunt!’ His voice was almost as beautiful and sad as his malnourished angels face, both pale and hollow, joyous and thin, handsome and wrong. His blonde hair was a tangle, though cut quite short and close to tidy. His eyes were a dark dark brown, almost black but maybe just evil and night time made them this way, his cheekbones were high and prominent and his lips so pretty but in no way feminine. Trying to not choke or sob Scarlett created a reply.

‘I am sorry, I was startled but please remove your hand from my neck. I shall not make more noise than a whisper, on my life.’

‘That it is on your life was already established Miss Crawford.’ He murmured darkly. ‘no insurance or promise had been made to entice me to accommodate your request’ an almost silent sob escaped Scarlett as his mouth twisted into a grin, he was so unable to hide his thorough enjoyment for this situation. ‘but as you did ask so cordially I will free you while we talk but I warn you should you cause any other member of the house to stir by the time they reach you I shall be through the window and vanished and you should be nothing more than a carcass fit for the ground!’ Scarlett nodded but this seemed to be enough for this stranger to continue. ‘Well now how are you finding my house?’ A clap of thunder somewhere in the distance made Scarlett jump but her voice did not quiver when she replied out of sheer stubbornness.

‘This house belongs to my family; I think you will find sir.’ Scarlett answered crisply, a feat which she grew to regret as his hands groped her throat more harshly.

‘The Heights are mine, Scarlett.’ He whispered so gently it was terrifying. ‘Never your Father’s, never your Mother’s and never, never yours. Eloise Heights will be mine so long as I have nothing else, which I do not! I have no soul as the devil took that! No body as the earth stole it and no other comfort. I have not even a grave!’ He mourned with an underlying layer of venom and hysteria. Not helped by the way a lingering flash of lightning highlighted his fair face.

‘You speak no sense man!’ she announced but still kept to a whisper, it was true that Scarlett thought this man to be out of his mind. ‘What are you doing in my room and why do you relate to death when you are so clearly alive?’ He laughed bitterly before answering her questions which made Scarlett burn…well… scarlet with rage as she could never bear being made a fool of and his laughter made her feel ignorant.

‘I am dead, you stupid girl! I have been in this state for nearing two hundred years now so I am sure of this fact.’

‘You are not a ghost! Ghosts are merely spirits and though I know you will protest against this it would seem that you do have a body as I can feel your hand throttling me gently and your weight resting on my chest and restricting my breathing if I may say so.’ He eyed her with obvious contempt before releasing her and drawing away. This allowed Scarlett to sit upright and with the help of the lightning she saw the young man fully and behind him, like a shadow or a stalking identical twin, the portrait of Nathan Heath.

Go to http://pewterfox.wordpress.com/ to read my story, updated daily.

If anyone still needs (or wants) someone to critique their work, let me know! :) All of the stories people have posted here sound amazing, and I'd be interested in continuing to read any one of them.

I would love to find someone that I could perhaps "exchange" chapters with, maybe even after NaNo is over. If that sounds like something you'd be interested in, you can check out my synopsis on my novel info page, but here's some more info (since that synopsis isn't very good, and I'm too tired to write a new one, lol):

"Tegan has been called many things: sarcastic, artistic, intelligent, even some not very nice things that she'd rather not repeat. But depressed? That's what her guidance counselor says she is. Ever since Tegan's mother was diagnosed with chronic lymphocetic leukemia, her life has begun to spiral downwards. High school was never fun, but now it's downright unbearable. By some stroke of luck, she has always been able to avoid most drama, but now it appears her luck has run out. A verbally abusive ex-boyfriend, spiteful sister, and the daily trauma that's called high school classes have turned her life into a living nightmare, one that Tegan isn't sure she can wake up from. Her life finally falls off the deep end, and, her mind flooded with suicidal thoughts, she cuts herself. Her guidance counselor has her parents send her to St. Barnaby Hospital's Outpatient School Program, with the threat that if she doesn't start going back to school she'll be sent to the inpatient part of the mental hospital. Tegan learns that "depressed" isn't a label she has to stick on herself, and only she is the only who can take it off.

Happyface is a YA novel that explores a teenage girl's experiences with depression and anxiety, including selfharm and suicidal thoughts, and how these issues help her to grow and realize that she doesn't have to settle for being depressed, and that the only person who can make herself change is her."

Oh, well I guess I just wrote a new synopsis. xD If anyone is interested in seeing an excerpt or two, let me know. :)