Menopause Shout-Out

I don't think I fit into that group, although I'm 55.

What are cardies?

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2005 In Back of the North Wind WINNER!
2006 Leopard's Paw WINNER!
2007 The Old Straight Track (finished) WINNER!
2008 The Other Side of the Wall (finished) WINNER!
2009 Dark Inheritance

I'm going to guess you're not at that magical age. As a friend at choir practice last night said, when I was the only one not complaining of chill, Oh, that's right; you have your own personal summer. I will probably not get into wearing a sweater until I'm 90, if then. My thermostat's always been set toward the warm end, and hormonal changes haven't diminished that.

Self-doubt, bitter, obsessed with youth? Who have you been talking to? We women in our 50s are coming into our own. We are confident, proud to be where we are and who we are. I am so much more comfortable with myself than I was 20 years ago. So what if my hair is silver instead of black, I've earned it. I may not have the endurance I used to, but I'm still strong.

Good luck!!

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2009: Raining Mercy
2008 Winner: Mourning Pages

I hope that you really don't think all menopausal women are like that. That would be as stupid as saying all teens are irresponsible (or worse). And, by the way, where did you come up with the age of 40? Menopause usually occurs after 50 unless there's a medical reason for it.

The only thing that menopause did to me was make me extremely grateful to be finished with all 'that' business and all the money spent on products. The mood swings I'd had monthly since I was 11 disappeared when my periods ended.

I've never had one hot flash. Me, wracked with self-doubt? *laughs* No, that's for people with no life experiences and no knowledge about how to handle them. Obsessed with youth? Please! I'll take wisdom and happiness over an angst-filled youth any time. Bitter? I guess the only thing that's made me bitter is people thinking menopausal women are dripping with perspiration, bitter, envious, wracked with self-doubt, etc.

But kudos to you for doing some research now.

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Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self.

I love menopause. No more monthy visitor. YEAH. I'm confident in who I am. I don't envy youth, especially when I talk with them. They are so riddled with self doubt and worried about what people think about them. I don't give a flying monkey what people think of me. Yes, I'm slower and have a lot of aches & pains but that's just part of getting older. I'll take it any day over being 20 or 30 something. And I don't have hot flashes which I would probably enjoy because I'm always cold.

I have to agree with Auld Soul. I am much more secure and confident now than I was even in my forties.

Hot flashes? Heavens yes, but I have no one around me who went through "normal*" menopause, so no one to ask if mine is "normal."

I get serious hot flashes from my waist to and including my head. But my hands and feet remain cold. I have a very difficult time finding some kind of middle ground to keep my temperature regulated. I've been told this lasts from 6 months to 2 years. I'm going on 5 years of this. But it does beat having a period!

And not to get into anything that would be TMI, don't fall into the falsehood that women in or through menopause have no interest in sex.

*everyone I know had complete hysterectomies(sp) when they were in their thirties, so didn't go through menopause.

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Jean.

"Crazy people speak to the voices in their head - writers tell others what the voices say." - unknown

On the day that my last period was one year ago, I had a "TG the monthly mess is over" celebration. I feel better than ever. I couldn't care less what other people think of me, and if I ever was plagued by self-doubt, it was between 12 and 40. Emotionally, I am much the better. I used to have moodswings and often felt jittery. Not anymore. I do have hot flushes, but they seem to be related to the temperature outside. I have quite a few on hot summer days and none at all in winter. They are short of duration, I don't break out into profuse sweating, and they don't bother me.

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2008: Lapis Lazuli (historical fiction) - WON! (57K)
2009: Vicit Vim Virtus (historical fiction)

Cardies are cardigans, right?

Bitter? Envious? No. Youth was uncomfortable, filled with "shoulds" and "should nots." The older a woman gets, the more comfortable she feels. Wracked with self-doubt? Anyone who doesn't ask what they have made of their life is a fool.

It's not over at 50. In fact, for women, it very clearly begins then, because our major human tasks of childbearing and child-rearing are done. And we've got thirty good years left to make something of ourselves, just for ourselves. Onward and upward!

In my forties I did have some sort of mid-life crisis. I began looking at my life and made some changes, giving up teaching in order to pursue writing and letting go of the idea of having a clean, organized house (I have six boys so that really was an impossible dream).

But I love my fifties. No more monthly visitor, as someone said. No self-doubts of any kind. I know who I am and where I want to go. Four of my kids are grown and the other two are almost there. I can enjoy my granddaughters but don't have to change diapers. I feel more relaxed in every way because I'm getting old enough to look at young guys (my sons' ages) without guilt and I can still order around my six foot sons. (And they treat me wonderfully.) And my husband and I, after twenty-eight years, are in a very good place in our marriage.

The forties are little turbulent, but being fifty and up is great.

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Jamilah Kolocotronis

Author of the Echoes Series books:
Echoes,
Rebounding,
Turbulence,
Ripples,
Silence.

I didn't have my first child until I was in my 40's. My 40's and most of my 50's were filled with raising kids, dealing with their stresses and such.

Menopause came and went without me even noticing. I never had PMS when I was menstruating, never had hot flashes, never had hormonal swings - even when I was pregnant. I think it was 6 or 7 months before I realized I'd stopped menstruating.

I was never bitter or envious of others. Ummmm - there are a LOT of people who were (and are) envious of me...

I have been obsessed with age, not youth. I'm well into my 60s and expecting to live at least another 50 years - and each year brings more experiences, more wonderful memories, more things I can do, and a greater ability to make happen what I want to happen.

I'm one of those people who was never wracked by self-doubt, even as a teen.

And give up? Are you kidding? Life has far too much to offer to ever give up! Why, there's NaNoWriMo, and Co-Masonry, and road trips, and cruises, and people, lots and lots of people to meet, and stories to hear, and stories to tell.

None of my friends who are of an age with me have ever had the

experience. We've been introspective once in a while, and when we'e hit a set-back (a child, parent, or spouse dies), we've indulged in grief then picked up and carried on because life's funny that way. It keeps going. And it keeps offering intriguing glimpses into the future, luring us on to on.

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Kopiluwak/Sena B.

2009 NaNo: TBA

Oh. Cardigans!

I still don't understand, though, what cardigans have to do with menopause or women over 40. And I certainly don't consider myself bitter or envious just because I'm AARP aged. I can't say I don't have some regrets, and I do wish my body were younger, thinner, and more agile, but that's very far from youth obsessed. I don't want to be younger, really, although it would be nice if my body felt younger.

Inside, though, I'm not an old woman. Inside, I'm in the prime of my life. Why be bitter? There's so much to look forward to.

Technically, I'm not quite in menopause yet. And now that I think of it, I do own one cardigan. I used to keep it at work for when I got chilly. Most of my sweaters are pullovers.

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2005 In Back of the North Wind WINNER!
2006 Leopard's Paw WINNER!
2007 The Old Straight Track (finished) WINNER!
2008 The Other Side of the Wall (finished) WINNER!
2009 Dark Inheritance

Oh, ladies, this is a topic I can really warm up to! Night sweats w/my period for years; started hot flashes three years ago. They are not constant but seem to go in waves. When I get really upset, BAM! they hit me. Slow breathing & a glass of water help. Insomnia? Yup, wake up from bizarro dreams and despair of falling asleep until the next night. I never had PMS but in these past couple years, when I get an occassional period, I am so sensitive & ready to snap someone's head off.

My 40s included a wormy, unexpected divorce (feel free to use this in your writing if it doesn't seem too cliche: she was a much younger woman, tiny, with horse teeth and hair dyed from a box in the drugstore. Best of all? She was a CHEERLEADING INSTRUCTOR!! Personally, if I was having an affair I'd go for someone really attractive, not a boy-look-alike. I still wonder if my ex husband is actually gay and chose her because she looks like a boy.

Shortly after the divorce I had two heart attacks and was pursued by said young, ugly cheerleader in a twisted Fatal Attraction kind of thing, sans dead bunny. Then after that, my high school boyfriend tracked me down after a five year, 2000 mile search and today we are married!

Sex rocks when you are older - you have the confidence to pursue what feels good. Ya just gotta take your time.....

I'm 55 so I'm at the top end of your story's age group. I've fingers crossed that I'm menopausal but I've three more months to go before I can be sure. (Menopause is after your periods have stopped for two years if you're under 50, or one year if you're over fifty.)

I've been having hot flushes for the last eight or ten years. I have difficulty sleeping - although being awake for half an hour or more in the night is what's made planning this year's Nano so easy. I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome so I'm unable to work in the job I loved.

Am I bitter? Not so as I've noticed. I've taken up the clarinet and have a wonderful teacher. I'm loving the online community of writers and even felt well enough to go to a meeting. I think I'm more grateful for what I have than I was before because I have more time to appreciate it. I'd love to get well enough to go back to work but if not I have writing and music and family and cats and the most wonderful husband.

Oh, and once the kids aren't kids any more, marriages tend to perk up. I know mine has. We've been married for thirty years now.

If wearing cardies is giving up then I gave up years ago. I've never really been into clothes and I wear zip front fleecies all the time. They come off quickly for hot flushes!

I suppose there must be women who are as you've described. I'm sorry I can't help with that though.

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My Blog

I'm 53 and still have the occasional hot flash - like someone else here, mine come in clusters so wraps, cardigans, fleeces or ANYTHING which can be stripped off in a flash (ooo! pardon the pun) as the heat hits suits me fine!
Bitter? No! Life isn't always how i want it but i've discovered how to do the best for myself in most circumstances. It helps.
Envious? No to that too.
Night sweats have stopped, as have agonising joint pains, weird dreams, sleeplessness, mouth ulcers and palpitations. Since i stopped taking HRT i've been more settled, calmer and at one with the world.
I've got a good idea of my abilities and also limitations, and there are lots of things i still want to do - like NaNoing and getting to that target of 50K!
The only thing i'd change is my body - for a newer, less arthritic model - but i'm still ok with this one while it allows me to be as active as i want to be. There's still a lot of fun to be had out there :D

Have fun, wherever you are! And happy writing :)
Prue

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Okay, I'm not in that age group. I've been through the 50's and have come out on the other side at 61. Cardigans? I've been wearing them for dozens of years, but that's because I heat with a wood stove...yes, I still gather kindling, saw branches, tote logs, and haul out ashes though my youngest son wields the chain saw and maul now for me.

After decades of pure misery every month...never knowing when that "visitor" would strike, experiencing floods, clots, and terrible cramps (and I didn't even have endometriosis), and all the horrors of severe PMS, I celebrate menopause as finally having the freedom of a child again!

At 40, I suddenly became a widow (my late husband was only 34 when he passed) with an 11 year old still to raise and having no job skills and only a high school diploma. During my 40's and 50's, I homeschooled my son from 6th grade through high school graduation, became a potter, metal engraver, and went to college. I earned my BA in English with a minor in Anthropology (graduated magna cum laude...so nah-nah-nah-nah, all those people over the years who told me I was dumb and unskilled!!) when I was 52 and began teaching. Got my MA in Humanities when I was 55 and am now a college professor!

Three and a half years ago, I beat breast cancer, which has allowed me to see my first grandchild be born and grow into a cheeky toddler. I intend to be around to dance at his wedding.

I'm also a licensed wildlife rehabilitator, published poet, and have had my pottery and artwork in galleries. I'll be taking early retirement next year so I can help set up a wildlife rehabiliatation center, have time to do more hand-engraving, and write a couple more novels after I finish this one.

So...where's that middle-aged stereotype in the raggedy cardigan, alternating between chills and hot flashes, moaning about mood swings and forgetfulness and fatigue? If you forget something, don't fret...it probably wasn't important anyway. Besides, you'll remember it at 2 a.m. the next day. Moody? Use it to your advantage. When you feel teary, watch a really sappy movie and have a good cry; it's cathartic. When you're on the upswing, sing, tell jokes, help others, and smile a lot. Tired? Take a nap! The dishes in the sink aren't going anywhere, and no report or meeting is worth the rush...lean back, breathe deeply, and relax for even 10 or 15 minutes. The world won't end, I promise!

As far as I can see, the need for extra clothing for the chills and lightweight stuff for the hot flashes are the best-ever reasons to get a new wardrobe! You need layers to work with the internal temperature changes, so buy some great new clothes.

Enjoy your menopause! Dance when that time of the month comes and you don't need plugs or mattresses between your legs! Howl at the moon when the moods swing! Celebrate the wonderful fact that you have managed to live long enough to actually get to menopause!!

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"Old age ain't no place for sissies."
Bette Davis

Great posts from one and all. Life ain't over until it's over.

I hope this makes you reconsider your characters a bit, Rose. At least to give them specific life events or motivations that would explain their bitterness, envy, and so on.

Hmm...maybe they're aging trophy wives or Other Women? Over-the-hill models or actresses who never could act? Those types of women, whose life successes have depended on youthful looks and not character, might find their middle years an unpleasant challenge. Face lift, anyone?

Thanks for this. Yes, actually I've got through menopause with a new lease of life and new man, but it is true that there is a lot of fear associated with the 40's/50's for women in their 30's. I'm interested in the run up to the changes and think it can bring out dormant emotions and may affect women's friendships as their view of themselves changes. Hope you continue to enjoy your life!

ha ha ha - love the description of your love rival! Blimey, yours is quite a romantic happy ending..thanks

I'm 53 myself, so do have some personal experience. I guess I just think it's more fun and interesting to examine the nasty bits of people that are normally hidden. And it makes for a good story!

I'm a tiny bit past the magical age but certainly have some experiences, though not exactly what you seem to be looking for. Bitter-no. Envious-no. Self doubt-no. Obsessed with youth- no, but really pissed about the state of my turkey neck. Cardies-no. Just the opposite. I seem to have a constant internal temperature just short of the boiling point.
The worst experiences seem to be behind me (or before me - who knows?). At this point in my life I won't tolerate bad treatment from others that a younger woman might feel she can't fight. Life's too short to put up with crap.
So... there you have it. If you have something specific in mind, please give me a shoutout.

Hi. I've gained some weight since going into menopause. I knew i was gaining cuz my pants were getting tighter, but one of the sure signs was whenever I'm in the and my husband is in there too, my butt always bumps into his and that never used to happen. Or I'll knock something off the table with my butt thinking I had more room. I think I used to have more room but either the room is getting smaller or my butt is growing larger behind my back. Get it? Behind my Back? Get it? Hope this helps.

Wow.

Well having been living with and battling recurrent metastatic stage IV breast cancer for the past 11 years I've kind of ran the gamut of menopause with all the anti-female-hormone suppressing drugs I continue to be on. I was first diagnosed with breast cancer at the tender age of 43. Now I'm 54 and still on anti-hormonal drugs. I haven't found it all that bad, actually. The hot flashes and other accompanying crap that goes along with chemo therapy was pretty bad but didn't last too long. I recently (as of March 2009) finished my third round of 6 months worth of weekly chemo for my 3rd bout with recurrent stage 4 breast cancer.

Yeah. I'll live, thank you very much, with the hot flashes, night sweats, moodiness, and whatever else accompanies chemically induced menopause because I don't care too much for the alternative.

jj

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Herein lies the power of fiction -- You know the magic is there when your main character wakes up one day and takes that first faltering and raspy breath on her own and then announces that she has a much better idea than you did. -- JeH

A well-timed hot flash can make Fall and Winter much more bearable! 8-)
Although, I've lost count of the number of times during a writing session the NaNoWriMo hoodie goes on-or-off!

I had the Big "H" when I was 37 (best decision I ever made) and was on hormone therapy for 15 years. For one reason or another, took myself off and pledged to deal with whatever that meant. All the effects I was told would be 'temporary' have hung on for nearly another decade, but I've learned to live with them. I do miss my boobs though. They were first to go.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to get out of this hoodie and turn on a fan! 8-)

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*************************
Glynes
In space, no one can hear the tupperware burp

2009 - The Gloxia Cache - Won, but far, far from finished
2008 - The Shadows of Duluth - Won
2007 - Bringing the Blues to Gloxia XII - Won

Rose! What a stereotype! Funny, my DH didn't do "male menopause" cliches of buying a sportscar and getting a divorce, either.

For me, menopause was a big hooray. No more spending a quarter of my life in cramps. That was the main difference. If anything, my moods have evened out. No hot flashes or anything.

Envy youth? My DM and I agree we hated being young. Life starts at 30, and that's just the warmup. I didn't start writing fiction until my mid forties. I think I'm finally getting the hang of it.

BTW, statistically the majority of women do hit menopause by 55. But 45 if they're smokers. It literally ages you ten years! Some of those poor girls are hitting it (badly) at 40.

In the last ten years, my dress style has gone from Goth to steampunk. Haven't owned a cardigan since Mummy quit buying my clothes for me. Much prefer tailored jackets. Women who wear cardies either can't find things to fit in their budgets, so they're stuck with cardies, or they always were cardy-girls.

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Going for novel #2 again!
'03: Trumpets of the Sky: win
'04: A Vision for Thieves: no
'05: Crossed Swords: win
'06: Master of Glass: no
'07-'08: not even trying
now:

a.k.a. Dreamway

Ditto to everything everybody said. Except for the fact that I'm no longer considered sexy by our society, I'm better than I've ever been as a person. I like and respect myself more than I ever have. No longer frantically and pathetically desperate to be attached to a man, I'm certainly not shy about knowing what pleases one. Menopause is a GIFT.

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Sliding into this - I lost my mother when I was 18 so I'm having to resort to books to find out what is 'normal' for menopause!

Trouble is, I still feel in my mid-twenties! I don't know if my adventurous streak is a rebellion against the years, but I've always told my kids I would not 'go quietly' - they are worried!!!! (esp. after I asked for a session on a stunt-driving course for Christmas!)

Hot flushes? Yup, but only at night, so I don't embarrass myself at work.

No periods for 3 months - still waiting to see if I get caught out!!!

My man and me are still 'enjoying' life - after 29 years marriage.

And I've just lost over a stone and dropped a size in jeans! :-)

Just waiting for memory loss, osteo-arthritis etc. to set in - until then I'm game for anything!

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Ok, I may write drivel - but at least it's all my own work! ;-p

I'm here trying to find my place.

I started a Blog for NaNoWriMo this year. I know I won't get 50,000 words in it.

I have an idea for a novel I'm setting up the plotline for that…
I am 52 ..
Menopausal and wide awake at...it is now 6am I have been up since… 4am.

I need some feed back on this Blog and would love to meet other woman writers in my age group..

Gerardine Baugh
http://gerardinebaugh.wordpress.com/

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If I don't do this today what will I have to laugh at tomorrow!

Here, here! I'm with you. People seem to think that as women grow older they become desperate to get a man, any man. "Breathing and a pulse" seem to be the only requirements.

Not for me. As I grow older, I become more selective, because I took enough crap from men when I was young, and I'm not going to do it anymore. And if it's a choice between living alone with my cats and being a miserable, mistreated wife/girlfriend, I'll take my cats, thank you.

2005 In Back of the North Wind WINNER!
2006 Leopard's Paw WINNER!
2007 The Old Straight Track (finished) WINNER!
2008 The Other Side of the Wall (finished) WINNER!
2009 Dark Inheritance

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2005 In Back of the North Wind WINNER!
2006 Leopard's Paw WINNER!
2007 The Old Straight Track (finished) WINNER!
2008 The Other Side of the Wall (finished) WINNER!
2009 Dark Inheritance

Hi Gerardine,

Go girl! Make the most of those awake moments in the night...and doze in the day if you can.

I'm 53, menopausal and often wide awake during the night too. It's good thinking time when the house is quiet and i'm warm and snuggly in bed! It's when i did most of the planning for the NaNo novel - planning such as it is.
I also listen to the BBC World Service in the wee small hours - they have some interesting programmes.

I am unable to give you feedback on the written part of the blog at present...and i wonder what sort of feedback you want and why you want it?

I dropped in for a quick look. What struck me was the use you have made of pictures. They are lovely! I especially like the one at the beginning - with trees and a path leading off to somewhere. I love that sense of anticipation which a photo like that invokes in me. Who was it that said a picture paints a thousand words?

I will return and have a read next week when life will be (hopefully!) a little quieter.

Have a good writing day Gerardine, and everyone!

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