Excerpt: Opening Pandora's Box (Tentative)

#1
And then the horizon is visible for me // I’m breathing
Sunrise in Eden ~ Edenbridge

Just before Sunrise

Mara stood on the Bridge St bridge, looking out over the rushing waters of the river, memories ebbing and flowing with its tide. The city was anything but silent, even though it was long after the release of the bar crowd from the downtown hot spots. She could barely see the stars overhead, the lights from the city surrounding her were so bright. The few she could make out, however, winked at her in mockery, watching her from a far.
Her knuckles were white as she gripped the railing, using it to keep her sanity in place. The night air was cool around her, but she did not notice. She noticed only that her memories were growing stronger, telling her of nights long gone, where whispers were spoken between her and Eli.

‘Do you know how I know there is an eternity, Mara?’ He whispered in her ear while she held him in his hospital bed. ‘Because I can see the stars, even in the city.’
She said nothing, just holding him. He was accepting already that which she could not: his inevitable death, so soon before what she felt was time.

The memory faded as the river sped onward, its destination unknown for her. She wished she could wipe a tear from her blue eyes. She wished she could cry out, yell to Eli’s God that it was not fair, not fair in the slightest. Her energy had left her, however, and all she could do was stand on the bridge, looking out, remembering her Eli, the man she had grown to love much more than was healthy, she was sure.

Kait shook her head and took Mara’s hands in hers. They were sitting in The Bitter End, two steaming cups of coffee between them, untouched.
‘Just because you love a man with an illness does not mean you are abnormal. It means you are following your heart, regardless of the so called logic of the situation. It means you are human, Mara, and being human means we fall in love when we please, no matter the circumstances.’ She smiled and squeezed Mara’s hands tightly. ‘Love controls us, not the other way around, isn’t that what we have always said?’
Mara laughed softly. ‘You say that. I prefer to control my world as much as possible.’
Kait cut her off. ‘Which is why, friend of mine, it’s a good thing that somebody, or something, finally took a little bit of that control away from you. Go with this. It’s good for you.’
‘Until it hurts.’ Mara said, unwinding her fingers and picking up her coffee, her eyes looking into the distance, a future she did not want to face.

Mara’s fingers flexed a little, releasing her grip on the bridge. She barely noticed as the wind rustled the trees lining the rivers western bank, her mind caught up in memory. She should walk away, leave this place, go back to the hospital and be with her family and Eli’s as he fought this last battle, but she had been in the hospital so much these past years that the sight, smell, taste, even the feel of the air that surrounded Spectrum was enough to make her want to vomit or cry. Sometimes both at the same time. She had always hated hospitals, the sickness and death they contained, but now it was even worse when she could not see the light coming at the end of the tunnel, knowing that Eli was plunging toward the darkness of death, and she wished she could go with him rather than go on without him.
Mara had hoped that by coming here, to this bridge where she and Eli had had their first kiss, she could purge the memories that had held her gripped so tightly, making it hard for her to breath most days, the pain so strong as she watched Eli fade more and more each day, both his spirit and his once strong body. He was skeletal now, the chemotherapy for the cancer that was attacking his lungs making him weaker than the cancer itself would have.

Dr. Holnzel was an old man, a crown of white hair upon his head, eyes that were the color of chocolate, and comforting, she supposed to most. She did not want comfort. She wanted it to be alright. She wanted him to have discovered the cure, to bring Eli back. To stop this nightmare. She knew how rare it was for a doctor to take time to speak privately with someone who was not ‘strictly family’ but she did not feel like being grateful for his time. She wanted him to spend time curing Eli, not talking to her.
‘…young to have such a disease.’ Holnzel was saying, talking about how rare Eli’s case was, the way in which it had set in from such a young age. Lung cancer was a rare disease in most twenty eight year olds, but Eli was special, she supposed. That, or cursed, poisoned by his chimney-like parents, who to this day had to step outside every thirty minutes in order to relieve their tensions with one of the cigarettes that was the reason their only son was dying. ‘The most likely cause is something in his environment, with his parents smoking, but for it to set in so quickly and so strong it implies there was an outside influence. Not that it will much matter, only to save others in the home, but we have been working with the health department and a contractor to test Eli’s childhood home for Radon, which might have caused…’
‘Can you cure him? No. We know that. Cancer is incurable. So what does it matter how it happened if you can’t make it go away?’ Mara turned on him, a painting of an Eden-like garden to her left that was supposed to ease the atmosphere of death that was failing at its duty. ‘Who cares how many gases he inhaled if you can’t stop the damage they have done? I know to you he’s just a patient, Doctor, but to me he’s everything, and I cannot stand by and let him die while we talk about the past. So, if you are not going to keep looking for a way to make this stop, then I do not have anything else to say to you.’ Mara turned on her heel and walked briskly back to Eli’s room, turning directly into the bathroom so he would not see her cry.

Mara’s body shook with the memory of her anger and pain. Anger and pain that had not subsided in the months since she had spoken with Dr. Holnzel outside that sick room. Mara folded her arms on the railing in front of her, laying her head down, the position awkward and uncomfortable, but she did not care so long as she did not have to look out any longer at the world.

‘Mara.’ Eli was speaking to her. He was hoarse, his voice barely above a whisper.
‘Mara, you can’t die with me. I need you to go on. I need you to live for me, take me with you. You have promise, you have a life ahead of you. A life I cannot have for myself. I need you to have it for me. Please, you cannot die with me, you must live. Pick your head up, Mara. Look out. The world is waiting for you. For us.’

Mara picked her head up, goose bumps along her neck. That was not a memory, those words. They were something new, something that had perhaps come only from her own mind, but they were real to her. Eli would be ashamed to see her give up because she was losing him when he had never given up while losing his own life. She had to live, she had to keep going to make him, his memory proud.
Blinking, she realized that the sun was coming up. To the west she could see the moon sinking behind the buildings of Grand Valley, and to the east the sun was rising slowly above the city. The stars overhead were giving their last shining before hiding behind the sun. Below her, the rhythm of the river water continued, and she could feel her memories of Eli washing along with them. Slowly, for the first time in what felt like an eternity, Mara noticed the world around her, alive with beauty even in this small section. The wind rustled the trees again, and Mara could feel her breath in her chest, deep and strong.
Looking up, she smiled, knowing that she could survive, that she could be strong for Eli, the man she loved, and that if he was right, they would see each other again. He believed in an afterlife, and even though she was not sure, she would trust in it for him. Because she needed to see him again.
Her phone ran, and Eli’s mother’s voice came through, weakened by grief. “He’s gone, Mara, he’s gone.”
Eli’s words still fresh in her mind, she was not surprised.